Family Online Safety: Truth and Consequences


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Updated! Full speaker notes (just download the deck), lots of data points and citations. This is a presentation for a general family audience. Lots of new info and an expanded section on cyber bullying! Free copies of our booklet, "Family Online Safety Guide" if you email me at marian @

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  • Is techology changing us? Introduce self. My role is to help people like you understand issues like cybercrime, reputation and privacy concerns, strategies for keeping technology safe and productive. I’m not in law enforcement, scope is broader than online crime. As a parent of three children myself, I’m also in the trenches trying to manage wireless networks, smart phones, social networking and still try to give my kids enough freedom to develop normally. Even if you’ve been around computers since childhood like me, none of us grew up in a fully connected, wired home. We didn’t grow up with all of this, so what is it like for the so called “digital native”?
  • When I speak to parent groups like you, often we do a survey before so I get an idea of the specific concerns of that community. There’s a lot of overlap and it doesn’t matter if it’s an inner city school or affluent suburban one. Stranger danger, adult material, cyber bullying, online addictions, trying to limit or block what your kids are doing, trying to keep track of them. To worry is normal. But too often our sense of what is really happening is skewed, is a bit messed up because of what we see on the news or read in the paper
  • You can worry about your child being abducted in the real world or online by a predator who might contact them, groom them. Law enforcement is very good at going after these creeps. Sadly, there’s more risk to your child in the normal real world because most inappropriate contact comes from family or community members. Only a tiny fraction of a percentage, so low the FBI doesn’t have good data, comes from the total stranger who contacts your child. And there are known risk factors that make a child vulnerable, same ones in the real world as oneline. Cyber bullying happens to one in four kids. I’m talking the really bad stuff, with repetitive and attacking cruelty, not one off teasing among friends. One in four is terrible but it’s still less than in person school yard bullying. They go hand in hand. Most kids don’t cyber bully and aren’t cyber bullied. Still, we’ll talk more about this issue because it’s so heart wrenching and we need strategies to teach our kids. Sexting – a few years ago we’d never heard of it. Still very unusual to see kids sending nude photos or images unless they are older teens and young adults and in a relationship. We’ve just had a tragic case where a girl friended a stranger (abnormal in itself) agreed to lift her shirt on camera, he captured the image, sent it around and sent her into a spiraling hell of bullying from classmates. She continued to act out and ultimately took her life. Was it the sexting that sent her over the edge? The in person bullying? The depression? Privacy settings – often knowing how to limit who sees what you are doing online is a great first strategy for successful use of technology. Kids are better at this than adults. If you are using a social network and want only friends to see what you post or prevent your boss from seeing things, ask a 14 year old how. Social networks, facebook gets a very bad rap, yet there are a billion people using it worldwide. So we’d better figure out how to do it well. Yes, there is malware, mean kids, online scams even dating fraud. You need to be alert and on guard, even in a social network. Check yourself when you think you’ve heard about a new online problem. Did you see it on the news? Was it a story about a freak incident or one off? Were there tips on how to avoid the problem? Try not to overreact to news about online or tech problems, but learn about them. Dteremine your risk level and stay on top of managing it.
  • Lots of good things to celebrate. Online risks to our kids, like cyber bullying, aren’t going up. We’re getting better data about what it is like to grow up in this tech world. As an example, a study about online predators done a few years ago found that one in five kids would be approached online in a sexual way at some point. Later data found it to be one in seven (so it went down) and further, that the contacts were mostly from peers (hey baby, I want to get with you) and not upsetting to the kids. So by adding some questions to better understand, we went from a stranger danger panic to an understanding that the same teasing, sexy banter common to adolescence is common to online as well. Risks in the real world, risks in the online world. Kids who take risks offline do so online. Kids who are good kids, who tend to keep to the rules, will stick to your tech rules if you are teaching them what those are. Parents are big influencers. Kids might not come to you if something goes wrong online, they go to a peer for help before you. But the peer might go to you. Kids watch how you use tech. if you are texting instead of looking at your kids to talk to them, don’t wonder why they do the same. Tech can empower kids. Look at the kids creating blogs, tumblr accounts, videos to entertain each other. My son records some of his xbox gaming and uploads it to a YouTube channel. I don’t totally get it but I like that he can get acclaim from other gamers who do. So even though we’re about to go through some of the dark stuff associated with tech and the internet, I really want to emphasize that thereis a lot of good news, and a shift in internet safety education from internet danger to digital citizen ship. This is a concept about helping kids gravitate towards online good works, learning about the world, promote kindness, tolerance.
  • Ok, there are, as you know, potential troubles for every age of kids. Too often when I talk to parents, they focus on older kids, like 6th grade and up and they are missing the potential for problem for kids as young as kindergarten.
  • Kids who are on devices with out parental controls or safe search are seeing adult material, violent material and images that can frighten them. Advertising is all over our mobile apps. So a free game to make cookies might be sponsored by a manufacturer who shows ads. Or a free game may include 10 ad channels all competing to display ads, some of which might not be child appropriate. When I speak to little kids, I ask if they’ve ever had a password stolen by a friend or changed by a sibling. It’s usually about 1/4th. So you can’t talk about privacy and safety early enough. Ever see a parent hand a fancy smartphone to a toddler in a restaurant? It can be great at quieting a restless kid but kids can add apps or make purchases on purpose or by mistake.
  • Middle school brings many changes. You are no doubt familiar with the whole “mean girls” phase? It’s so ugly and happens to coincide with a time when kids are increasingly online. There’s a pecking order in school and it’s easy for kids to misstep online. Most middle school kids have cell phones, email, a social network so there are opportunities for a lot of ugly behavior to occur in places parents can see it. of course you should friend your child in their social network. Ideally you should monitor their email, especially when they are younger. You’ve got to get the tech charging in the kitchen or at least ouf of the bedroom. Those late night texts are bad for your kids’ sleep, their grades and especially their emotional well being. A lot of hateful messages get sent at midnight.
  • Now, with high school, most of the kids are getting serious about school work but they still slip up. Cyber bullying still goes on, sometimes it escalates into all out war. Kids are refining their reputations, their cliques, their status. By this age, many kids have figured out strategies to avoid parental gaze. They limit their posts on facebook so only a few friends see them. They use instagram or tumblr as their primary social network thinking you aren’t checking. They are removing embarassing photos. Still, they fall for online scams. The survey to get your iq score. To win a free ipad. Auction scams like to buy a used car.
  • Malware is a much bigger issue than most of you realize. And the issues of our digital activity leading to real world problems isn’t untrue. Here is an example of one teen posting travel information which could lead to someone breaking in or having a “swarm party” which is promoted on facebook.Story of west la teen and hawaii trip.
  • Cybercrime is a massive global problem. (cite: 2012 Norton Cybercrime Report stats)
  • What we all need to know is that everything we post or send online is permanent. Even if you remove it, someone else might have kept it. Even an instant message can be stored in a history or cut and paste into a document. Here’s Alison Chang from the midwest. She went to a BBQ at her church, her photo was taken and posted to Flickr. There, because it wasn’t protected by the right copyright, it was reused in an Australian bus bench ad without her permission. She definitely didn’t get paid to be their model. And all they had to do is display in that white box in the lower left part of the ad was a credit to the Flickr photographer. This second image is of the Smith family (their real name). This was their Christmas card photo. The photographer was proud and put on her website tagged as “one happy family”. She didn’t put a copyright on it, or protect it behind a password or even put a watermark over the image to prevent someone using it. So then it was used by a Czech grocery store whose owner did a websearch for an image of a “happy family”. Without their permission and they definitely weren’t paid.
  • There’s a lot we can do to take control over this. There are security settings in Facebook where you can add layers to prevent someone hacking your account. Or accessing it on a device you don’t recognize like a laptop in Estonia. And you can adjust privacy settings as well. You can prevent someone tagging you without your permission. You can edit permissions for games you play. Just make sure you are working together in your family to use security and privacy settings on all your online accounts. There are numerous online scams, let’s take a look at just one problem, called click jacking.
  • Example 1 (tell a story): Facebook click jacking attack (personal) – show what happens behind the scenes, what information a cybercriminal gets in such an innocuous event. (can include drive-by download description here as well.)
  • Example 1 (tell a story): Facebook click jacking attack (personal) – show what happens behind the scenes, what information a cybercriminal gets in such an innocuous event. (can include drive-by download description here as well.)
  • Example 1 (tell a story): Facebook click jacking attack (personal) – show what happens behind the scenes, what information a cybercriminal gets in such an innocuous event. (can include drive-by download description here as well.)
  • Example 1 (tell a story): Facebook click jacking attack (personal) – show what happens behind the scenes, what information a cybercriminal gets in such an innocuous event. (can include drive-by download description here as well.)
  • Mobile computing. We do more and more online with mobile devices than every. Smart phones aren’t gaming devices. If you have email on there, and I hack or steal your phone, I can see who you bank with, shop with, talk to. If you connect to work on a tablet, I can access corporate data just by hacking or stealing the tablet. The BYOD movement is solid, taking corporate america by storm but it’s complex to get right. Just one issue is how much data game and utility apps are sending back and forth whether you are using them or not.
  • Who here checked Facebook today? Played Angry Birds or Temple Run on a mobile device? How about while you’ve been sitting here?
  • Permissions are the levels of access you authorize for each app. You did this when you installed the game or app. You might not have realized how much you were allowing or didn’t mind at the time. But with new appreciation for privacy growing in this country, many are questioning thse permissions.
  • What you think you did – versus what actually happened in the background (updated status to a few friends or provided location information and keywords to Facebook or Google, their advertisers, and your apps; updated Timeline; stored information and comments; updated links and relationships, etc.
  • Honey stick project
  • Remedy – we’ll talk in a bit about some simple strategies to secure a phone in case of loss or theft. Now, let’s turn to the tough issue of cyber bullying
  • Definition from Hinduja and Patching ( is when someone repeatedly makes fun of another person online or repeatedly picks on another person through email or text message or when someone posts something online about another person that they don’t like.” 20% of over 4400 randomly selected 11-18 year old students in 2010 have been a victim at some point in their life. In review of 35 papers, average was 24% victim/17% cyberbully (admit to engaging in the activity). School bullying is still more prevalent. Trend is not up or down; more kids are coming forward than before. Only ¼ tell an adult. ½ of cyberbullying victims and bullies experience offline bullying (Ybarra and Mitchell 2004)Offline bullies are more than twice as likely to be both targets and perps of online bullying (Hinduja and Patchin 2008)
  • Kids who are being cyberbullied are often experiencing offline bullying; Hinduja study 2010 found victims of offline bullying are 2.7 times more likely to be cyberbullying victim. Offline bullies are 2 times (200%) more likely to be BOTH target and perpetrator of online bullying. ¾ of those who admit cyberbullying others also admit to bullying others at school.
  • Some research shows that the more a child uses a cell phone, the more likely they are to bully and be bullied. It’s likely just lack of impulse control in both area., Gay youth: 1 in 2 kids report cyberbullying; (Hinduja/Patchin report 73% of LGBTQ kids are targets of bullying at some point; 63% for hetero youth. 36% targets of cyberbullying for LGBTQ kids compared to 20% for hetero). 80% of kids with learning disabilities are targets of school bullying: of gifted kids hit by bullying. (same article as above)Often if you ask your child directly about cyber bullying they will deny, deny ,deny. By the time a child tells their parents, it’s getting very serious. Often the school can’t do much or the child perceives it made things worse. I’ve heard of schools bringing the target and bullies together in a meeting to “resolve their differences”. Since bullying is often about power, that method just can’t work. Neither does a once a year assembly where we chant no bullies. So what do you do?
  • 25% of adults in the workforce are victims of bullying.  C. Bradshaw did some research specifically with school personnel too, and found 22% of teachers + report getting bullied at the work place. 
  • Schools that are safe, where teachers demonstrate they care promote healthy behaviors. Students who are cyberbullied often perceive the climate at school as less safe or where teachers don’t care about their success. Inverse relationship between climate and bullying (Hinduja 2012)
  • Seth’s law requires schools to act on reports of bullying, to haveinvestigative processes and extends protection for bullying/cyberbullying related to sexual orientation (real or perceived)AB1156 requires schools develop training and antibullying policies definitions of cyberbullying and creates provisions to remove the target/victim from the school, if they wantAB746 extends to social networking sites, and extends grounds underwhich you can suspend or expel a student
  • Lots of issues: cyber crime, passwordtheft, cyber bullies – let’s get to the strategies I want you to consider. And let’s start with something that works, really works. Setting rules.
  • House rules are simply setting standards for “how we behave in our family and in our house.” if you don’t talk about what you expect from your kids, they won’t have your guidance. If you don’t share how you manage technology, they won’t learn from you, they’ll learn from their peers. And then they will do things you won’t like, such as download illegal material, use peer to peer filesharing, post racist or mysogynistic comments on facebook or think hacking is cool. And I want you to start talking about this. Not all at once and consider it done. This has to be an ongoing developing conversation shared by both parents. I find the car is a great place to bring up these issues. Something about not having to look at each other helps get the honesty flowing. Example, ask your children what are the new websites or apps their friends are using. Note that you are not directly asking about their interests. Kids like talking about their friends online adventures but not about their own. So ease into it. Ask about your child’s favorite site or game. Again, stop jumping to the negative. Show you are empathetic and also love technology. Ask them when you are not driving to show you the game or site. My son often sends me links to “cool” youtube videos and I do the same. Find a game or app you can play together like Scrabble, Words with Friends or Draw Something. I actually know a father and son who chat during Draw Something games using the chat feature. Bring up online problems like cyber bullying though you’ll want to say “drama” or fake facebook pages. You can bring up news stories like about kids who bad mouth teachers online just to raise their awareness of risks. Or sexting and the possiblity just receiving or sending an image could lead to legal trouble. Hit that balance of celebrating tech and demonstrating adult wisdom and experience while allowing your child to share their knowledge and mastery of the forms. Admit you have things to learn, which helps them feel more open about showing you things.
  • Ok, tech can help with all of this. It’s finding the balance between non tech methods like house rules and frequent conversations but still tech can provide guidance, fences and coaching to keep your kids on the right path. For example,
  • Look at all the devices in this one house. I’m not sure what Grandma is doing there but everyone else is on their laptops, smart phones, gaming devices all from the same overworked wifi router. It can be very hard to keep kids off tech when you need them to do homework, chores, come to dinner, etc. consider that many routers can help you. Yes you can configure parental controls on each device. But you can also do things like change the password and not give it out until homework is done or homework time. You can restrict particular devices so the children are offline but mom and dad are online. And you can set time limits or browser filters. It’s increasingly worth figuring out though I admit not always so easy to do.
  • If you want to restrict what your kids are doing on the computer, either your’ going to restrict the entire system or you will need your kids using user accounts with some restrictions.
  • Here’s one example of an easy to use parental control, a free one, from Norton.
  • You can also set up parental controls on search engines,, gaming systems, Macs. There are restrictions on ipads and iphones. It just takes some looking around but every device can be safer and help your kids stay on the right path.
  • A big issue for many parents is youtube and there are a few techniques but the simplist is enforcing their safety mode. You can do it yourself by logging into your Google account and setting it up or your parental control software can reinforce it.
  • What’s going on? Hackers have discovered a variety of ways to defeat security to access databases of user accounts and passwords. What’s worse, when the data gets out, hackers often post it for other hackers to use. This means, if your account was hacked, your user name (often it’s your email address) and password get posted in a database that is public. If you are someone who uses the same password for all your accounts, it’s just a matter of time until someone takes your email address and favorite password and gains illegal access to another of your accounts. What if it were your bank account or your social network? How might you feel?Often, consumers are notified when their information has been involved in a breach. Consider those terrible times a kind of gift. A gift to remind you to use better passwords, unique passwords, especially for your most important account. Keep reading to find out which account is the most important one.
  • Recognize some of these as your own? Uh Oh! Time to change those immediately. Others look like a good effort to create a strong password. They replace common letters in a dictionary word with a character or number that resembles it. So you get Passw0rd, instead of Password. But if it’s common, that means hackers have it in their list of passwords to try. Others like “QAZWSX” look clever and tricky. But if you look at your computer keyboard, it’s the left most keys in descending order. And if it’s common? Again, it goes in the hacker’s bag of passwords to try. Your best passwords are not dictionary words, should have eight or more characters that combine upper and lower case letters, numbers and special keyboard characters. I know, “groan”. And worse, it can’t be the same phrase you use over and over which weakens its worth. Your pass code also needs to be customized for each account and somehow, memorable!
  • If I know you, can I guess your password? If I know the password you used on another account and you use the same password for everything, can I get in to this account? Can I answer your security questions and change your password? Remember what has happened to famous politicians who had their email account hacked this way?
  • You have big responsibilities at work. Your company does important things (manage money, etc).
  • STOP
  • You are important. You are a gatekeeper to company networks, and company resources. Get hit by cybercrime and you just opened the gate. (Reference examples).
  • slide for remove/fight it where somehow we're communicating there are actions requiring physical interaction with devices. unplugging, uninstalling, changing passwords, etc.
  • Change Behavior - i need to talk about being smart with search, with shopping, with friending people, with privacy and security settings, with all forms of online connections. might have to be one or more slides or just good visuals.
  • Think: Evaluate sender, is this from someone I know? Can I validate the sender, the caller, the texter? Who owns the website? show humorous image of message from me with a clearly bogus link. maybe you guys can come up with something. Goal is to lighten the mood but remind them not to friend a stranger or click a link just because you received it.
  • wrap it up with summary images from the personal, to the mobile to the workplace to terrorism. repeat the mantra of stop. think. connect.
  • Family Online Safety: Truth and Consequences

    1. 1. Family Online Safety: Truth andConsequencesMarian MerrittNorton Internet Safety Advocate, Symantec Corporation
    2. 2. Is technology changingus?
    3. 3. Today’s Digital Native (born in 1990’s or later)• Our children have never stood to change a TV channel• Internet always existed• They don’t go “online”; they are always connected• Definitions of privacy getting tweaked• Expect devices to just turn on, connect and work• More collaborative, get help from networks, not just a Google search or in a book• Kids (8-18) view 53 hours of media per week1• By age 21, will have sent an average of 250,000 emails, instant messages and texts• By age 21, more than 10,000 hours on their cell phone• By age 21, more than 14,500 hours online, mostly in social networks1 Kaiser study 2010
    4. 4. Parents worry about many different online issues “I’m worried my By 11 “Will my child be cyber bullied?” child will be Children have usually or bullycontacted encountered adult material others? by Social “My kidstrangers networks won’t put the cell Online” phone down, are “Are they safe?” each yearthey addicted?” 4
    5. 5. What is real, what is a myth• Low risk of stranger danger• Cyber bullying not common• Sexting is rare for young kids• Kids are better at privacy settings than adults• Social networks can be safe, can be dangerous• Media attention to issues blows them out of proportion 5
    6. 6. There is good news• Research shows risk isn’t growing, just awareness• Less real difference between online and offline worlds• Parents play big role; partner with schools• Technology empowers kids• Shift in focus from panic about internet danger to fostering digital citizenship 6
    7. 7. Potential problems at any age 7
    8. 8. Younger Children’s Online Troubles • Visit the wrong websites (adult material, violent material, stuff that might scare them) • Be exposed to advertising online and in apps • Make purchases without permission • Get their first email account and get spam, chain letters, adult material 8
    9. 9. Middle School Children’s Online Troubles • Social drama and Cyber Bullying • Cell phones and misuse (spam, sexting, using late at night instead of sleeping) • Join social networks when underage 9
    10. 10. Older School Children’s Online Troubles • Reputation problems • Privacy failures • Online scams and fraud • Social network issues 10
    11. 11. All ages need to be concerned about• Malware and cybercrime• Digital reputation stuff 11
    12. 12. Cybercrime is a massive global problemCybercrime costs 2/3 31% of us have received consumers of online adults phishing text on have been hit mobile phone$110 by cybercrime $1 million +billion 1 in 6 new pieces each year social network of malware each year are created users have been hacked every day 12
    13. 13. Privacy and Reputation 13
    14. 14. Facebook safety concerns 14
    15. 15. Facebook click jacking attack types 15
    16. 16. OMG! Videos get people to click Bad Guys Want to Get Us to Click to: Infect us with malware Make us take bogus surveys to: Gain information or Sign us up for premium SMS services Send spam to us and our friends 16
    17. 17. Bad guys know that people want to know who viewed their Facebook page 17
    18. 18. Bad guys know that people want a dislike button 18
    19. 19. Mobile Computing
    20. 20. What’s really going on?Kids are using technology in ways far beyond what parents are prepared to deal with 20
    21. 21. Permissions in mobile apps 21
    22. 22. What you think you didvs what actually happened in the background TIME SPENT PLAYING IP ADDRESS PREVIOUS SCORES LOCATION GENDER & AGEUSER NAME SCORE FACEBOOK FRIEND LIST 22
    23. 23. What are the chances ofgetting your lost phone back? 50% 23
    24. 24. What are the chances of your work andpersonal information being looked at? 100% 24
    25. 25. Cyber Bullying 25
    26. 26. Relation of Offline and Online Bullying Offline Online 26
    27. 27. Vulnerable Populations•LGBTQ•Minorities, disabled, gifted, evensocio-economic differences YOU, YOUR FRIENDS AND•Heavy cell phone users more likely bully; be bullied
    28. 28. Cyberbullying – the things we say; things we do• “Sticks and stones”• “It’s just part of growing up”• “It will make you tougher”• “Stand up for yourself” 28
    29. 29. And the response?Parent School Legal 29
    30. 30. And the response? •Teach kids not to bully or be a silentParent bystander •Don’t respond to attacks online •Keep a copy of everything •Report it to website, service, school •Ask for plan of action •Seek advice from experts 30
    31. 31. And the response? •Create anti bullying policySchool •Review current laws in your state •Training for all (even volunteers) •(CyberALLY – great example!) •Work on school environment •Social norming 31
    32. 32. And the response? •Almost all 50 states have anti cyberbullyingLegal laws •Content varies dramatically •California : •AB 9 “Seth’s Law” 2011 •AB1156 2011 •AB746 2011 Resources: 32
    33. 33. What are theremedies?
    34. 34. House Rules and conversationSetting House Rules and havingthe Talk
    35. 35. Technology • Speed limits, fences and coaches • Not spies nannies or policeThe Role of Technology 35
    36. 36. Turn off Jimmy’slaptop at -----9:00 PM 36
    37. 37. Norton Family (parental control) Screenshot from Norton Family
    38. 38. Why passwords matter: data breaches •Payment System – 130 million accounts •Gaming site 1 – 77 million accounts •Social site – 30 million accounts •Military site - 26 million accounts •Career site – 6.4 million accounts •Dating site – 1.5 million accounts
    39. 39. What are the most popular passwords?12345 Abc123 Michael123456 Monkey Football1234567 Trustn01 Ashley12345678 Dragon Bailey123123 Baseball Shadow111111 Iloveyou LetmeinPassword Master Blink182Passw0rdPassword1 Sunshine Admin1Welcome QazwsxWelcome1 Superman
    40. 40. Password Tips1. Think unique for each account2. No dictionary words, pet names or school mascots3. Focus on most important accounts: email and social networks4. Create a pass phrase and turn it into a password5. Use a password manager and security software6. Secure mobile devices with a password7. Never share or show passwords8. If notified about data breach, take action!
    41. 41. Email TipsEmail safety tipsEmail 44
    42. 42. Cell Phone Tips• Set a password on the phone to lock the keypad and screen when not in use• Tape a recovery phone number to phone If found, please call 310 555 8925 45
    43. 43. Cell phone tips• Set up emergency contacts• Set up remote locate/lock/wipe software• Install Security Software• Turn Off Geo-Tagging• Review School Cell Phone and Mobile Device Policy• Review Your Contract Together
    44. 44. Cell phone tips • Review Your Contract • Set up nightly charging station in kitchen or den • Teach Kids Not to Reply To Unknown Senders or Callers • Set rules for new apps and games • Discuss Cyber Bullying, Sexting and Other Risks if You Don’t Guard Your Phone
    45. 45. Change your Behavior
    46. 46. What will you do?
    47. 47. Wrap up
    48. 48. Questions
    49. 49. THANK YOU!Marian Merrittmarian@norton.comCopyright © 2012 Symantec Corporation. All rights reserved. Symantec and the Symantec Logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Symantec Corporation or its affiliates inthe U.S. and other countries. Other names may be trademarks of their respective owners.This document is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as advertising. All warranties relating to the information in this document, either express orimplied, are disclaimed to the maximum extent allowed by law. The information in this document is subject to change without notice. TM