A Good listener

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A Good listener

  1. 1. Do You Hear What I Hear?How to be a good listener
  2. 2. “Take a tip from nature-your ears aren’t made to be shut, but your mouth is.” Unknown“Nature gave us one tongue and twoears so we could hear twice as much as we speak” Epictetus
  3. 3. We listen at 125-250 words per minuteWe think at 1000-3000 words per minute
  4. 4. Payoffs of good listening• Gain knowledge• Receive better work and cooperation from others• Can help win and keep friends• Solve problems and resolve conflict• Reduce tension• Increase enjoyment in life• Strengthen family relationships
  5. 5. Some interesting statistics• 85% of what we know, we learned by listening• 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful• We recall about 50% immediately after we listen to someone talk• We spend about 45% of time listening• We remember about 20% of what we hear
  6. 6. Do you speak like a dolphin or a killer whale?
  7. 7. Poor Listening Styles• Spacing out• Pretend listening• Selective listening• Word listening• Self-centered listening – Judging – Advising – Probing
  8. 8. Genuine Listening1. Listen with your eyes, heart and ears2. Stand in their shoes3. Practice mirroring
  9. 9. Genuine Listening605040302010 0 Body Tone/Feeling Words Language
  10. 10. History repeats itself becauseno one listened the first time. anonymous
  11. 11. A good listener is a silent flatterer. -AnonymousA good listener is not someone with nothing to say. Listen twice before you speak once. - Scottish Proverb To appear wise, one must talk; To be wise, one must listen. -Anonymous Examine what is said, not him who speaks. - Arab proverb
  12. 12. What do you mean?• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
  13. 13. Genuine Listening1. Listen with your eyes, heart and ears2. Stand in their shoes3. Practice mirroring
  14. 14. Genuine Listening1. Listen with your eyes, heart and ears2. Stand in their shoes3. Practice mirroring
  15. 15. Mirroring vs. MimickingMimicking is . . . Mirroring is . . .• repeating words • repeating meaning • using your own• using the same words words • warm and caring• cold and indifferent
  16. 16. Mirroring Phrases• As I get it, you felt• So, as I see it• I can see that you’re feeling• You feel that• So, what you are saying is
  17. 17. Avoid phrases like:1. Are you sure?2. Its not that bad3. Sleep on it. Youll feel bettertomorrow4.Do not be judgemental
  18. 18. Reactive vs. Reflective• Allow own • Concentrate on the thoughts, feelings or feelings, opinions and opinions to take over concerns that are being conversation expressed by the other• More concerned with person. what they want to say • Avoid interrupting the that what the other other person to person is telling them. comment on what he or• Focus on their own she is saying reactions rather than • Focus on what the the feeling and needs of speaker is saying in speaker. order to understand it.
  19. 19. See First to Understand, and then be Understood• Practicing listening is only the first half.• Share your feelings.• If you take the time to listen, chances of being listened to are very good.
  20. 20. A good listener is a goodtalker with a sore throat! Katharine Whitehorn
  21. 21. Resources• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey, Fireside, 1998.• Teaching Resources for Youth Educators Communications Source Book:. 4-H Youth Development Building Bridges Curriculum, University of Wisconsin Extension, 877-947-7827• Life Lists for Teens, Pamela Espeland, Free Spirit Publishing, 2003.• The Communications Toolkit, Michigan State University Extension, 310 Ag. Hall, East Lansing, MI, 48824, 517-432-1555, $25.00

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