Sexuality education – how to talk to your kids about sex Dr Anjali Malpani, MD Malpani Infertility Clinic Colaba, Bombay.

What is sexuality ? Sexuality is much more than just the act of intercourse. It is an integral part of all of us, it is a dimension of personality. It gives us an identity and the whole experience of being a male and a female. It involves values, thoughts, feelings, and relationships.

Sexuality is much more than just the act of intercourse. It is an integral part of all of us, it is a dimension of personality. It gives us an identity and the whole experience of being a male and a female.

It involves values, thoughts, feelings, and relationships.

What is sexuality education ? Sexuality education is all about teaching facts,values,attitudes,feelings behaviour and relationships.

Sexuality education is all about teaching facts,values,attitudes,feelings behaviour and relationships.

Today’s kids live in the ‘information age’’ Today’s generation is known as the “ Been there, done that” generation They are exposed to too much information because of the media and the internet

Today’s kids live in the ‘information age’’

Today’s generation is known as the

“ Been there, done that” generation

They are exposed to too much information because of the media and the internet

Sex is not a 4 letter word ! Curiosity about sex is natural. People of ALL ages ( especially teens !) have questions about sexuality Understanding how your body works and how to take care of it is part of building a healthy life. Accurate information about sex and sexuality is a good thing.

Curiosity about sex is natural.

People of ALL ages ( especially teens !) have questions about sexuality

Understanding how your body works and how to take care of it is part of building a healthy life.

Accurate information about sex and sexuality is a good thing.

Parents are the first and primary sexual health educators of children

Parents are the first and primary sexual health educators of children

Commonest concerns If I talk about sex, will this encourage them to “do it ” ? When should I start talking to my child about sex ?

If I talk about sex, will this encourage them to “do it ” ?

When should I start talking to my child about sex ?

Just remember that study after study has shown that sex education DOES NOT lead to an increase in sexual activity … but it does lead to safer and more positive interactions now and in the future

Just remember that study after study has shown that sex education DOES NOT lead to an increase in sexual activity … but it does lead to safer and more positive interactions now and in the future

When to tell? She’s way too young for me to answer any questions My son will find out soon enough, I will wait until he asks.

She’s way too young for me to answer any questions

My son will find out soon enough, I will wait until he asks.

She’s way too young to answer any questions These days, kids are discovering sex and sexual behaviour younger and younger, and there really is no such thing as "too young" for some form of sexual discussion. You don't have to rush your child into sexual education, but it's a good idea to play it by ear early; there's really no way of knowing how much your child knows or doesn't know without talking to them.

These days, kids are discovering sex and sexual behaviour younger and younger, and there really is no such thing as "too young" for some form of sexual discussion. You don't have to rush your child into sexual education, but it's a good idea to play it by ear early; there's really no way of knowing how much your child knows or doesn't know without talking to them.

It is better to talk to them a year earlier than a minute later !

It is better to talk to them a year earlier than a minute later !

My son will find out soon enough, I will wait until he asks Talking about sex can be embarrassing for anyone, especially kids. They may think that you'll be upset with them for bringing up the subject or that they're doing something "wrong" by talking about it. It's bad enough if your child's questions are going unanswered, but considering the range of sexual problems out there - disease, accidental pregnancy, etc.. - it's really important to talk to your child and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you.

Talking about sex can be embarrassing for anyone, especially kids.

They may think that you'll be upset with them for bringing up the subject or that they're doing something "wrong" by talking about it.

It's bad enough if your child's questions are going unanswered, but considering the range of sexual problems out there - disease, accidental pregnancy, etc.. - it's really important to talk to your child and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you.

When to tell? Sexuality education is a lifelong process that begins at birth, and continues through Infancy, Preschool years, Early school years, Preteen years, Adolescence and Adulthood.

Sexuality education is a lifelong process that begins at birth, and continues through Infancy, Preschool years, Early school years, Preteen years, Adolescence and Adulthood.

From the moment of birth, children learn about love, touch, and relationships. Infants and toddlers learn about sexuality through example when their parents talk to them, dress them, show affection, play with them, and teach them the names of the parts of their bodies. As children grow into adolescence, developing relationships within their families and the social environment, they continue to receive messages about sexual behaviors, attitudes, and values.

From the moment of birth, children learn about love, touch, and relationships. Infants and toddlers learn about sexuality through example when their parents talk to them, dress them, show affection, play with them, and teach them the names of the parts of their bodies. As children grow into adolescence, developing relationships within their families and the social environment, they continue to receive messages about sexual behaviors, attitudes, and values.

Children are also developing their understanding of relationships and values. We generally do not think of these things as sexually related but these important achievements in early child development lay the foundation for how our sexuality will develop and evolve as children become teenagers and teenagers become adults.

Children are also developing their understanding of relationships and values. We generally do not think of these things as sexually related but these important achievements in early child development lay the foundation for how our sexuality will develop and evolve as children become teenagers and teenagers become adults.

How much to tell This depends on: the child’s age; maturity; previous knowledge; and your own values and comfort levels. The answers should be appropriate for the age COMMON SENSE is the best guide !

This depends on:

the child’s age;

maturity;

previous knowledge;

and your own values and comfort levels.

The answers should be appropriate for the age

COMMON SENSE is the best guide !

Who should tell? The talk should be initiated by whichever parent is more comfortable communicating with the child.

The talk should be initiated by whichever parent is more comfortable communicating with the child.

How to tell? Make the most of TEACHABLE MOMENTS

Make the most of

TEACHABLE MOMENTS

Teachable moments These moments are all around you. When you and your child see a pregnant woman, while watching a television commercial of condoms or sanitary napkins or love scene in a movie Take these opportunities to discuss your feelings and values and to ask your child if he or she has any questions. It's not really that important what you talk about, so long as you're talking. This way, when your child needs to talk to someone, they'll know that it's okay to come to you.

These moments are all around you.

When you and your child see a pregnant woman, while watching a television commercial of condoms or sanitary napkins or love scene in a movie

Take these opportunities to discuss your feelings and values and to ask your child if he or she has any questions.

It's not really that important what you talk about, so long as you're talking. This way, when your child needs to talk to someone, they'll know that it's okay to come to you.

How to tell? Bring up the subject of sexuality once in a while, according to your values and beliefs. Don't expect your child to come to you - they may feel too embarrassed to bring up sex issues with you, even if they have a problem they want to talk about. Share your stories of puberty with them and talk about your own sexual experiences. .

Bring up the subject of sexuality once in a while, according to your values and beliefs.

Don't expect your child to come to you - they may feel too embarrassed to bring up sex issues with you, even if they have a problem they want to talk about.

Share your stories of puberty with them and talk about your own sexual experiences.

.

How to tell? By no means do you have to be an expert, but it's important to: Answer questions honestly, your child will probably know if you're not being completely straight with them. Use the right language. If you just can't bring yourself to discussing sexuality with your child, ask for help from a knowledgeable ADULT or PROFESSIONAL whom you and your child trust and feel comfortable talking to.

By no means do you have to be an expert, but it's important to:

Answer questions honestly, your child will probably know if you're not being completely straight with them.

Use the right language.

If you just can't bring yourself to discussing sexuality with your child, ask for help from a knowledgeable ADULT or PROFESSIONAL whom you and your child trust and feel comfortable talking to.

Parents are--and ought to be--their children's primary sexuality educators, but they may need help and encouragement to fulfill this important role. They need to reassure children that their sexual thoughts are natural and normal, not causes for guilt or shame They need to understand their own feelings about sexuality They also need to correct misinformation

Parents are--and ought to be--their children's primary sexuality educators, but they may need help and encouragement to fulfill this important role.

They need to reassure children that their sexual thoughts are natural and normal, not causes for guilt or shame

They need to understand their own feelings about sexuality

They also need to correct misinformation

The key to success ? Open, frank, honest COMMUNICATION

Open, frank, honest

COMMUNICATION

Barriers to communication Some children are embarrassed to bring up the subject with their parents Many teenagers feel they already know it all. Many children feel anxious when their parents bring up the subject of sex and to hide their anxiety respond as if they are completely bored Some children feel guilty about having sexual thoughts Parents and children may have difficulty seeing each other as individuals with sexual needs and desires

Some children are embarrassed to bring up the subject with their parents

Many teenagers feel they already know it all.

Many children feel anxious when their parents bring up the subject of sex and to hide their anxiety respond as if they are completely bored

Some children feel guilty about having sexual thoughts

Parents and children may have difficulty seeing each other as individuals with sexual needs and desires

Barriers to communication Many parents feel shy, embarrassed and uncomfortable with the subject Parents often lack the communication skills needed to openly discuss sexuality Parents often think they don't know enough about sexuality to give their children accurate information Parents may be unclear about some of their own values and feel confused about which values they should convey to their children

Many parents feel shy, embarrassed and uncomfortable with the subject

Parents often lack the communication skills needed to openly discuss sexuality

Parents often think they don't know enough about sexuality to give their children accurate information

Parents may be unclear about some of their own values and feel confused about which values they should convey to their children

What one needs to do is to overcome these barriers by being an “ askable parent”

What one needs to do is to overcome these barriers by being an

“ askable parent”

Who is an askable parent ? Someone who… Can be approached for information and guidance… Listens to a child and answers questions accurately Knows what a child is capable of understanding at different ages

Can be approached for information and guidance…

Listens to a child and answers questions accurately

Knows what a child is capable of understanding at different ages

Who is an askable parent ? Has a sense of humor Shares feelings that sexuality is a valuable part of being human Encourages a child to ask for information Is willing to repeat answers until a child is satisfied with the information given Being an askable parent does not mean waiting to be asked.

Has a sense of humor

Shares feelings that sexuality is a valuable part of being human

Encourages a child to ask for information

Is willing to repeat answers until a child is satisfied with the information given

Being an askable parent does not mean waiting to be asked.

Do’s and Don’ts Do try to relax Do listen to your child’s question Do keep your answer simple Do pick the right time Do realize the question may not always be what the child really wants to know

Do try to relax

Do listen to your child’s question

Do keep your answer simple

Do pick the right time

Do realize the question may not always be what the child really wants to know

Do’s and Don’ts Do be prepared for a repetition Do educate yourself about child development Do try to recognize your child's individual style Do investigate your own feelings about sexuality Do expect to feel uncomfortable

Do be prepared for a repetition

Do educate yourself about child development

Do try to recognize your child's individual style

Do investigate your own feelings about sexuality

Do expect to feel uncomfortable

Do’s and Don’ts Don’t think you have to know everything Don’t always wait for the child to ask Don’t think it’s harmful to tell too much too soon Don’t make fun of your child’s fanciful ideas

Don’t think you have to know everything

Don’t always wait for the child to ask

Don’t think it’s harmful to tell too much too soon

Don’t make fun of your child’s fanciful ideas

10 tips to remember when talking with your teen about sex Be an askable parent Know the facts and respond in a straightforward manner Listen carefully Don’t be afraid to give your children information Respect your children’s privacy

Be an askable parent

Know the facts and respond in a straightforward manner

Listen carefully

Don’t be afraid to give your children information

Respect your children’s privacy

10 tips to remember when talking with your teen about sex Use natural opportunities for discussions about sexuality Communicate your values Discuss handling peer pressure Respond with understanding to awkward situations Encourage responsible behavior

Use natural opportunities for discussions about sexuality

Communicate your values

Discuss handling peer pressure

Respond with understanding to awkward situations

Encourage responsible behavior

Important issues How should I react to “dirty words”? How should I respond when I find my child in a sexually awkward situation ? Masturbating ? Kissing a boyfriend ? Seeing porno films or reading porno mags? Visiting porno sites on the internet ?

How should I react to “dirty words”?

How should I respond when I find my child in a sexually awkward situation ?

Masturbating ?

Kissing a boyfriend ?

Seeing porno films or reading porno mags?

Visiting porno sites on the internet ?

Important issues When and how should I warn my child about child molesting ? How can I teach my children to protect themselves from sexual abuse ?

When and how should I warn my child about child molesting ?

How can I teach my children to protect themselves from sexual abuse ?

Common questions asked by four to nine year olds Where did I come from? Why can’t daddies have babies? Can children have babies? Why do girls have breasts? Why do boys have a penis and girls don’t? Do you and daddy make love?

Where did I come from?

Why can’t daddies have babies?

Can children have babies?

Why do girls have breasts?

Why do boys have a penis and girls don’t?

Do you and daddy make love?

Common questions asked by nine to twelve year olds How do you make babies? What is a period? And why does one get it? what is masturbation? Is it bad? What is an orgasm? What does puberty mean? When can boys start shaving? What is a wet dream? Why do kids get acne?

How do you make babies?

What is a period? And why does one get it?

what is masturbation? Is it bad?

What is an orgasm?

What does puberty mean?

When can boys start shaving?

What is a wet dream?

Why do kids get acne?

Common questions asked by twelve year-olds plus What is sexual intercourse and how does one go about it? What is contraception? Can you get AIDS by Kissing? Is it OK to be Gay?/lesbian? Who are “Hijras”? What does an abortion mean? Is it OK to have oral sex?

What is sexual intercourse and how does one go about it?

What is contraception?

Can you get AIDS by Kissing?

Is it OK to be Gay?/lesbian?

Who are “Hijras”?

What does an abortion mean?

Is it OK to have oral sex?

Do you think we’ve done enough homework so we can talk to our kids about sex ?

What is puberty? Puberty is defined as "the stage of physical development when sexual reproduction first becomes possible". But of course, along with these physical changes also come drastic emotional, hormonal psychological and social changes as well.

Puberty is defined as "the stage of physical development when sexual reproduction first becomes possible". But of course, along with these physical changes also come

drastic emotional, hormonal

psychological and

social changes as well.

The Challenge of Adolescence Being a teen is a difficult time . They need to : develop their own distinct identity accept the way they look establish intimate relations with their peers understand and control their sexual impulses establish their adult sexual role and orientation assume responsibility for their decisions and their actions.

Being a teen is a difficult time .

They need to :

develop their own distinct identity

accept the way they look

establish intimate relations with their peers

understand and control their sexual impulses

establish their adult sexual role and orientation

assume responsibility for their decisions and their actions.

Pubertal changes in girls It begins with breast budding, and this early development may be tender and may not be the same on each side. There is usually a growth spurt at this time. Pubic hair will generally start to develop about six months later. Underarm hair begins to grow. Her first period, called her "menarche", occurs at an average age of 11 to 13 years. Development continues and the whole process is completed in 3-4 years.

It begins with breast budding, and this early development may be tender and may not be the same on each side.

There is usually a growth spurt at this time.

Pubic hair will generally start to develop about six months later. Underarm hair begins to grow.

Her first period, called her "menarche", occurs at an average age of 11 to 13 years. Development continues and the whole process is completed in 3-4 years.

Pubertal changes in boys For boys puberty begins later - at an average age of 11 ½ or 12 years. The first sign is an increase in the size of the testicles. This is followed a few months later by the growth of pubic hair. Puberty continues with an increase in the size of the testicles and penis and continued growth of pubic and underarm hair.

For boys puberty begins later - at an average age of 11 ½ or 12 years.

The first sign is an increase in the size of the testicles.

This is followed a few months later by the growth of pubic hair.

Puberty continues with an increase in the size of the testicles and penis and continued growth of pubic and underarm hair.

Pubertal changes in boys Growing hands and feet are usually the first signs of physical growth, later followed by growth in the arms, legs, trunk and chest. His voice will grow deeper, he will grow extra muscle mass, and he will develop the ability to get erections and ejaculate. Boys undergo their peak growth spurt about 2-3 years later than girls .

Growing hands and feet are usually the first signs of physical growth, later followed by growth in the arms, legs, trunk and chest.

His voice will grow deeper, he will grow extra muscle mass, and he will develop the ability to get erections and ejaculate.

Boys undergo their peak growth spurt about 2-3 years later than girls .

Masturbation Masturbation is an act of self-pleasuring - stimulating one's own genitals for the purpose of sexual arousal, The act of masturbating in adolescence is not only an erotic experience, it allows your child to discover and become more comfortable with their own body. . It is a fact that nearly all boys and many girls will masturbate at some point during their teen years. Remember these things: Masturbation is normal and healthy, it is a low-risk activity, it should be done in private , and most important, DO NOT lay a "guilt trip" on your son or daughter.

Masturbation is an act of self-pleasuring - stimulating one's own genitals for the purpose of sexual arousal, The act of masturbating in adolescence is not only an erotic experience, it allows your child to discover and become more comfortable with their own body.

. It is a fact that nearly all boys and many girls will masturbate at some point during their teen years.

Remember these things: Masturbation is normal and healthy, it is a low-risk activity, it should be done in private , and most important, DO NOT lay a "guilt trip" on your son or daughter.

Wet dreams and unwanted erections When a boy has a "wet dream" it simply means that he reaches orgasm while asleep, usually during erotic dreams. Generally starting around the age of 13 or 14, they may happen occasionally, often or not at all.. It's important that they are reassured that wet dreams are perfectly normal.

When a boy has a "wet dream" it simply means that he reaches orgasm while asleep, usually during erotic dreams. Generally starting around the age of 13 or 14, they may happen occasionally, often or not at all.. It's important that they are reassured that wet dreams are perfectly normal.

Wet dreams and unwanted erections When a boy reaches puberty, he may experience spontaneous erections and ejaculation. Sometimes this may happen for no apparent reason and at an inappropriate time or place, such as at school or with friends. He may find this embarrassing but it's unlikely that anyone will notice. The best way to make unwanted erections go away is for him to think about something boring, and he may want to wear clothes that make erections less noticeable such as jeans instead of track pants.

When a boy reaches puberty, he may experience spontaneous erections and ejaculation. Sometimes this may happen for no apparent reason and at an inappropriate time or place, such as at school or with friends. He may find this embarrassing but it's unlikely that anyone will notice. The best way to make unwanted erections go away is for him to think about something boring, and he may want to wear clothes that make erections less noticeable such as jeans instead of track pants.

Female Genitalia - External and Internal

Cross Section of Female Pelvis

Female Reproductive System

Male Reproductive System

Male Pelvis

Male Genitalia

How the egg and sperm meet !

HELP ! Health Education Library for People, D N Road, Near Excelsior cinema Opp Chimanlal’s

Books you can read at HELP What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys by Lynda Madaras More speaking of sex: What your children need to know and when they need to know it by Meg Hickling (2001) From diapers to dating: A parent's guide to raising sexually healthy children by Debra W. Hafner The art of talking with your teenager by Paul W. Swets Sex education to adolescents by Dr Vithal Prabhu

What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys by Lynda Madaras

More speaking of sex: What your children need to know and when they need to know it by Meg Hickling (2001)

From diapers to dating: A parent's guide to raising sexually healthy children by Debra W. Hafner

The art of talking with your teenager by Paul W. Swets

Sex education to adolescents by Dr Vithal Prabhu

Remember the question today is… Not whether they will get information about sex, but HOW and WHEN ? NOT IF your child will engage in sexual activity, but WHEN ?

Remember the question today is…

Not whether they will get information about sex, but HOW and WHEN ?

NOT IF your child will engage in sexual activity, but WHEN ?

We as parents have the responsibility of being the first and primary sexual health educators of our children!

We as parents have the responsibility of being the first and primary sexual health educators of our children!

The Ideal Parent list gives parents an idea of what their children are thinking and what they want their parents to bring to the table when discussing sexuality. Understanding Fair Loving Honest Communicative Doesn't speak down to them Non-judgemental Respectful Responsible Has a good sense of humour Enjoys spending time with them Confident

list gives parents an idea of what their children are thinking and what they want their parents to bring to the table when discussing sexuality.

Understanding

Fair

Loving

Honest

Communicative

Doesn't speak down to them

Non-judgemental

Respectful

Responsible

Has a good sense of humour

Enjoys spending time with them

Confident

While the vast majority of children do not become sexually active (in the adult sense) until they are adolescents many of the building blocks of sexual development and sexual health occur in childhood. . Young children are in the process of developing gender identity (the realization that they are either a boy or a girl) and gender role (adopting social characteristics typical of girls or boys).

While the vast majority of children do not become sexually active (in the adult sense) until they are adolescents many of the building blocks of sexual development and sexual health occur in childhood. . Young children are in the process of developing gender identity (the realization that they are either a boy or a girl) and gender role (adopting social characteristics typical of girls or boys).

Parents indirectly teach infants and toddlers about sexuality when they interact with them on a number of levels including the way they speak to children, and cuddle and play with them. As children grow older, they continue to learn about sexuality as they develop relationships with family members and play mates. Children also learn a great deal about sexuality simply by observing people interact in the world around them. Thus, when the terms "child sexual behaviour" or "childhood sexuality" are used it is within a very broad context that extends to all the aspects of a child's growth and development that may contribute to shaping their sexuality as adolescents and adults.

Parents indirectly teach infants and toddlers about sexuality when they interact with them on a number of levels including the way they speak to children, and cuddle and play with them.

As children grow older, they continue to learn about sexuality as they develop relationships with family members and play mates. Children also learn a great deal about sexuality simply by observing people interact in the world around them.

Thus, when the terms "child sexual behaviour" or "childhood sexuality" are used it is within a very broad context that extends to all the aspects of a child's growth and development that may contribute to shaping their sexuality as adolescents and adults.