Increase in the early 1990s More familiar with the costs and benefits Intimacy and companionship Romance and sexual expression
Slow and complex Balancing career, kids, extended family and new marriage Takes an estimated 4-7 years to adjust.
40% of remarriages (with kids) separate by 4 years. By 10 years, 47% of those with kids separate. Higher separation/divorce rate than 1st marriages
Mistake Failure Difficulties with children Unable to establish cause the split. stable family system Bringing in old Occurs early (first 5 issues, habits. years) Work and in-laws Rushed, did not consider prevent the stabilizing of feelings of children new marriage.
Bringing baggage, previous marriage Unsettled emotional issues Greater involvement in work – later life New marital, spouse and parent roles to rework Inability to form new family habits Unrealistic expectations for the marriage
Emotional, social and physical strain of first marriage “getting over” grief, anger, jealousy, resentment Achieving stability on yourown before 2nd marriage
Consider new family, kids and current in-laws How will the new family system operate? Open or closed? Contact with ex-spouses? Crucial for benefit ofchildren
Establishing sub-system of how new family will function Clear boundaries for both partners Decide priorities – parental and spousal Emphasize “we” problem solving
More practical than romantic Supporting and raising children Supporting each other in later life Can deal with conflict despite “eyes” of kids, in-laws, ex-spouses.
Parent-child relationships is older than the new marriage. Stigma and stereotyping Intruder? Resent attempts at intimacy.
Re-adjustment of birthorder status Rivalry caused by conflictingpersonalities Parent loyalty, “siding” “sudden siblings” and repressedattraction
No obvious ones! Least successful? Don’t try to be a “healer” Those that demand intimacy Most successful? Between parent and trusted friend Model after in-laws
Traditional Benefits Practical Costs Dual income Little improvement to child’s well-being Financial stability Child distress and mental health issues Partner support (emotional and social) Educational difficulty “two heads” are better Worse for boys than girls
Remarriage later in life Need for adult children’s approval Loyalty to old parent Assume the worst (marry for money) This stage in life remarriage indicates earlier successes Men are more likely to remarry than women.