How Not to Build a Corporate Website (Humor)


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After years of seeing large companies commission lousy websites, we decided to ask some designers and developers what really goes on during the process of producing such marvels!

Here is a humorous take on the findings, If you relate to this, leave a comment with your experiences.

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How Not to Build a Corporate Website (Humor)

  1. How Not To Build a Corporate Website<br />Part 1 – How not to select the web agency<br />
  2. >> How it all begins...<br />That website guru at the airport told me our site was a death maze for visitors! That sounded like a bad thing… <br />Hmm… The guys at the golf club are all talking about their cool websites and social media. I must not be left behind!<br />Head of Business (CEO)<br />
  3. >> The very next day...<br />We must have a cool new website that has Twitter and Facebook and er… everything that’s cool. Oh, it must also get us a lot more business… and make sure it's not a maze. <br />Oh no! I knew this day would come! Maybe I can put his video on the homepage and distract him!<br />Sure thing boss. I have attended a 2-hour seminar about this in Vegas. I know all about this web stuff.<br />Head of Marketing<br />
  4. >> The journey begins...<br />Ok. I will Google for some web design firms. But, Pinky from 2nd floor did a great caricature of me in pink. Can’t we use her and do it internally?<br />Buddy, we need to identify a web design agency to build a cool site. Find 5 companies & make a comparative excel sheet. <br />Include the guys who built our current site. Also my aunt’s kid’s friend does something with computers.<br />The guys who botched it up last time had a cute account exec. Maybe she still works there!<br />Marketing team guy<br />
  5. >> The journey continues...<br />Just quit fancy ad agency! <br />Hi, I found you on Google. How much would it cost for a website?<br />On Google? Really? Wow. Oh sorry... So what kind of site do you want? <br />Super Creative Agency – technology is for nerds and losers!<br />We want a cool site. Our current un-cool site has about 500 pages, I think. How much will it cost? <br />Don’t worry about the cost, we are experts at building cool sites. We will build 500 pages of cool for you.<br />In fact, we can make the whole site in flash! That way we can get really creative! It can change color every 5 seconds!<br />What about SEO? Won't flash hurt us? Oh wait, did you say change color? Including pink? Wow! Send me a proposal, quick! Can I get it in the next 30 minutes? <br />
  6. >> And so on...<br />10 yrs of coding in mom’s basement!<br />Hi, I found you on Google. How much would it cost for a cool website with 500 pages?<br />500 pages? We have our own CMS package, it's so cool… it’s practically frozen!<br />Geek Agency – So what if we are color blind? We can code!<br />Um… what happens if you guys shut shop? Won’t we be stuck with a software that no one supports?<br />(Smart Alec! We anyway don’t support that junk. Curse the day we decided to build our own CMS!)<br />Don’t worry, we won’t shut shop. We are broke as a joke right now, but have huge plans man… total awesomeness! And everyone (my mom) thinks we are the best. I swear!<br />Pinky swear? Ok then. Send me a proposal. <br />
  7. >> And more...<br />Website? What you really need is a seminar from us. Inner peace online can replace software with soft wear. Is your head shaved? <br />500 pages? Sure we will fly down our expert team from the Arctic along with family and pets. You pay for travel, right? <br />Hi, I found you on Google…<br />Yeah, you can use our software: ‘build it yourself web kit 2012++ pro’. Err... If you succeed with it by some miracle can you train our staff?<br />You are too small for us. Send us a formal e-mail explaining why we should care. BTW, we won't reply to it.<br />Cool duuude, we are on the Amazon cloud. We will code in perl with a little python that has ruby on tails! Hello? Still there? <br />You already called us yesterday!<br />
  8. >> Excel sheet nightmare...<br />These proposals are impossible to compare! How do you compare a carrot with an ostrich? <br />Hi, can you send me a document that does not keep changing color? I am practically blind now!<br />You sent me 600 questions to answer! I just want a proposal. How does it matter when our founder was born? <br />I think there are a couple of extra zeros in your final price. No? oh that’s not a mistake?<br />Your proposal seems to be in English, but I don’t know most of the words. Look up Wiki what?<br />
  9. >> Evaluating the agencies...<br />Oh, only two of you? We wanted you to bring a ten-member team to make your presentation!<br />We like your proposal. But tell me, are you a men-only team?<br />Two months? We know an agency who can give us our cool site in one week!<br />Can we meet again to discuss what we just discussed today? Yes, we discussed it. But we'd like to discuss it again.<br />Let's touch base over a con-call at 10:00 pm tomorrow. <br />
  10. >> The plot thickens…<br />End of Part 1.<br />Part 2 – How not to build the website – Coming soon…<br />