1. The year of pretty pastels and way too
much visible underwear.
2. Alfre Woodward
On anyone else it might
be too Glinda-The-Good-
Witch, but Alfre carries it
off. It’s like a really
sparkly lolly-wrapper, and
I’m okay with that.
7. Amanda Peet
I don’t totally understand
what is going on here.
My emotions include
bewilderment,
exasperation and
something akin to
concern.
8. Amy Poehler
Amy Poehler is fun. This
frock isn’t. It makes her
arms look chubby and
truncated.
9. Andrea Anders
This is too literal a take
on mosaics. It looks like if
you hugged her, it would
feel like hugging a sack of
pebbles.
10. Anna Chlumsky
I think Anna just had a
baby, so we’ll let this
slide. It’s fine, I guess.
Her lipstick is the right
colour. I guess.
11. Anna Faris
The dress is fine, but if
this person took off her
wig and wiped off her
makeup and revealed that
she was in fact a pizza boy
dressed as Anna Faris, I
would not be surprised.
Something just doesn’t
look right.
12. Anna Gunn
I keep thinking this is
Blake Lively which, while
I can’t stand Blake Lively
(for irrational reasons), is
probably a compliment to
Anna Gunn. She looks
statuesque and pretty.
14. Aubrey Plaza
Now this fills me with a
kind of existential despair.
Americans think Aubrey
Plaza is really special, but
I’ve seen her in things
(things other than this
unforgivable dress) and I
don’t get it.
15. Betsy Brandt
I don’t know who this is. I
also don’t know why
humans do this to their
hair. As for the dress, I
had curtains in this exact
fabric in my first flat, and
I turned them backwards
so I wouldn’t have to look
at them.
21. Carrie Underwood
She looks like a Southern
debutante. Which is kind
of the way I think of her
anyway. When I do think
of her. Biannually.
22. Cat Deeley
This is just a puzzle
wrapped in an enigma
wrapped in a garbage bag.
23. Christina Hendricks
Her hair looks pretty, and
the dress is adequate, but I
can’t understand why she
isn’t knocking it out of
the park.
24. Christina Hendricks
See what I mean? The
frocks she chooses just
don’t do much for her,
and by rights she should
look amazing.
25. Clare Danes
Meh, this is pretty
average. Her hair is really
cute, but a dress that
makes your chest look like
a plate of pancakes is not a
great dress.
27. Connie Britton
I’ve never seen Connie in
anything, so I have no
affection for her, and I
don’t love her brassy hair
and orangey makeup, but
the dress itself is unique
and quite beautiful.
28. Constance Zimmer
I don’t know who
Constance Zimmer is, but
I think I like this. It has
an Art Deco flavour.
29. Edie Falco
I tend to object to dresses
that reference swimwear,
but the vibrant cornflower
blue is really flattering.
30. Elisabeth Moss
It doesn’t excite me, but
it’s classic and beautifully
cut and her hair gives it
an edge.
37. Jane Krakowski
Great colour. On someone
else it might have looked
really beautiful, but I find
Jane’s colouring a
bit…trashy? Is that really
mean?
38. January Jones
I feel like she’s angry at
me. The combination of
dusty pink and soft
barely-there makeup
probably looked really
pretty at home in the
mirror, but on the red
carpet it looks tired and
sad.
41. Jessica Paré
I love this. I love her. In a
sea of tangerine-coloured
blondes, her dark hair and
skin-coloured skin with
the bold turquoise dress is
so striking. She looks
pretty and romantic and
timeless. Does it have
pockets? I love pockets!
42. Jewel
This is very pretty up
close. She looks really
feminine and lovely.
43. Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Not very exciting, but
flattering and radiant.
There were a lot of
luminous pastels on the
red carpet this year, which
was refreshing.
47. Julianne Hough
I want to throw something
at her. This is just not
acceptable. I’m not sure
whether I’m more
perturbed by the boob-
squishing, the droopy bit in
the middle or the blatant
display of underpantage!
What’s worse is the fabric
is lovely, and someone
could have done something
pretty with it.
48. Julie Bowen
This just isn’t right. It
looks lovely through the
middle, despite the
creasing, but the shoulders
aren’t right and the
flouncy thing isn’t right.
49. Kaley Cuoco
Did you notice Kaley
Cuoco publicly dated
Henry Cavill for about
three days and then when
everyone worked out that it
was a publicity stunt they
quietly broke up? This
russet red is lovely, but it
emphasises her weird
proportions, and people need
to stop flashing their bras
please.
50. Kate Mara
I think she should leave
the monochromes and
sulky poses to her sister,
and also seriously can people
please stop wearing stuff
that looks like visible bras.
51. Katrina Bowden
I actually think the belt
detail cheapens it. It
would be classier without
the belt and with an
intricate necklace instead.
52. Kelly Osbourne
You know, the dress is
objectively quite lovely,
but if someone could
explain the purple hair to
me, that would be great.
53. Kerry Washington
It’s beautiful, and she
looks amazing in it. The
gold detail on the bust is a
bit distracting, but I think
there are gold bits
throughout the dress so
it’s probably something
that looks better up close.
54. Kiernan Shipka
Her parents must be
doing something right,
because she always looks,
and dresses like, a happy
kid. Which is exactly
what you want.
55. Kristen Connolly
I don’t know who this is,
but I don’t hate the dress.
It’s interesting and
offbeat. Am I wrong?
56. Laura Dern
This is a beautiful dress. I
kind of wish it was on
someone else.
Sorry, Laura.
57. Lena Dunham
She looks ridiculous.
Laugh-out-loud, drop-kick
straight into the worst-
dressed bin without a
second look ridiculous.
However, I kind of love the
dress, just not on her.
Don’t tell anyone.
59. And here are some
pictures by Barbier to
justify my affection for
the sprawling floral print
and the bold colours.
60. Lena Headey
Wow, okay. I accept that
visible underwear is a
thing at the moment, but I
don’t think the high-
waisted Spanx, nude bra
and control-top pantyhose
are supposed to be on
display, ever. Even the
white shoes are all wrong.
61. Leslie Mann
Leslie Mann usually
brings it. This is
interesting, but not as
much fun as I expected?
63. Linda Cardellini
I don’t usually go for this
kind of draping, but she
looks pretty amazing. Her
hair is pretty too, and
works beautifully with
the shape of the dress.
65. Malin Akerman
I can’t stand her and I
don’t know why. Every
time I see a picture of her,
I think: “Ugh. You again.”
It’s totally unreasonable.
66. Maria Menounos
Maria always looks like
the Entertainment Tonight
hostess that she is. Just
bland L.A. red carpet fare.
The dress is fine, but it
makes her look hippy, and
I just can’t get excited
about it.
67. Mayim Bialik
The detailing looks tacky.
I think there’s enough
going on without the
sequinned belt, sleeves
and shoulders. But the
colour is lovely, and she’s
really come such a
long way.
68. Merrit Wever
An average dress and a
terrible photo, but her
acceptance speech was the
best. Google it.
70. Mindy Kaling
This would be gorgeous
without the bizarre
neckline. It makes me
think of a bejewelled
steering wheel. The colour
is amazing and her hair is
really pretty.
71. Morena Baccarin
This dress makes her look
pregnant!
Just kidding. She looks
beautiful. Grecian draping
is ideal for extremely
pregnant people, and the
colour is divine.
72. Morgan Saylor
I think she’s in Breaking
Bad, which I haven’t seen.
I don’t like this but she’s
young and it’s inoffensive
and she’s not twerking
and she looks very pretty,
so we’ll overlook the fact
that she looks like a
question mark.
75. Padma Lakshmi
You can’t really tell, but
this dress employs a lot of
illusion netting, which I
don’t love. It also just
kind of looks like she
needs to pull her top
down.
77. Rose Byrne
Rose looks lovely and
rose-like, and the radiant
pink shade with her softer
hair is so pretty, but it’s
hard to overlook the fact
that she looks thin and a
little bit gaunt.
78. Sandrine Holt
I couldn’t get a great
picture of this (they were
all sort of glare-y and
overexposed, so I
darkened it), but even
though it looks like
streamers, she’s elegant
and interesting enough to
make it work. Whoever
she is.
79. Sarah Hyland
I love this shade of green,
and it’s a beautiful dress.
Her hair and makeup are
overdone, though.
80. Sarah Paulson
I can see where she was
going with this, and the
colour makes me think of
guavas, but just doesn’t
quite work. I don’t know
why.
81. Sarah Silverman
I loathe these heels with
the heat of a thousand
sons, and the dress just
looks trashy.
85. Michael J Fox &
Tracy Pollan
I love these two, because
he has a brain disease and
because they’ve been
married for, like, ever.
The satin panel on this
dress is completely
unnecessary, however.
87. Zooey Deschanel
I can’t make my mind up
about this. From the side
it looked stiff and
puckered, but from the
front it fits beautifully
and the colour is pretty.
It’s just kind of staid and
a bit old for Zooey.
88. Zosia Mamet
What a note to end on.
Why are her boobs
wearing a disguise?!?
