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Hope For Troubled Marriages

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Hope For Troubled Marriages Presentation Transcript

  • 1. Once Upon A Time ….
  • 2. There was a girl who longed for true love
  • 3. So when she finally met a cute guy
  • 4. Who said he loved her…
  • 5. …she hopped into his car, waved gaily to her loved ones…
  • 6. …and drove off into the sunset with him…
  • 7. …planning to live happily ever after.
  • 8. It was not too long before our would-be heroine
  • 9. Realized that her life was …
  • 10. not exactly the enchanted dream she had imagined
  • 11. Conversations turned ugly…… over the smallest thing & matters from finances to sex
  • 12. Humility and CHARITY
  • 13. Many couples don’t recognize serious difficulties until both parties simply want out-and end up with a broken marriage
  • 14. Basic Stages in Troubled Marriages 1. CRITICISM • Every husband & wife complains about each other 2. CONTEMPT • Hostile humor, mockery, name calling & other contemptuous behavior 3. DEFENSIVENESS • Takes every comment as an accusation & counter by lashing out 4. STONEWALLING • Staying away from each other • No longer have the energy or the inclination for confrontation - Dr. Gregory Popcak
  • 15. Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother Genesis 2: 24 and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.
  • 16. Marriage is not for the FAINTHEARTED • Sound marriages go through cycles of development – From Romance to disillusionment to mature love disillusionmen
  • 17. Tough Issues Gender roles Finances Cultural differences sex Health issues chores loneliness In-laws
  • 18. Tough Issues secrecy religion infidelity Domestic family neglect tragedies violence
  • 19. Domestic Violence • Every 1 in 4 women experiences domestic violence during her lifetime – Forms: • Emotional • Economic • Sexual • Physical abuse • Men can be victims as well
  • 20. Domestic Violence PATTERN • The Longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more harm done to your mental health, especially your self-esteem. • Leaving an abuser without any planning can be dangerous • Seek professional help
  • 21. • It can be hard to recognize and admit that you’re in an abusive relationship – but help is available. Remember: NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED
  • 22. FORTUNATELY most marriages ….
  • 23. I will take you for my wife in righteousness and in justice, Hosea 2 :19-20 in steadfast love and in mercy. I will take you for my wife in faithfulness
  • 24. Successful Marriages don’t work on auto-pilot. To become lifelong partners • Negotiating the stages of marriage & the bumps requires: Attention & Hard work • Opinions & interests must be: balanced
  • 25. 1. Communicate • Poor Communication is the number 1 reason for failed marriages • Good Communication – means listening as well as talking – Must be open, honest and frequent – Should not only talk daily but also • laugh & cry • share family joys • accomplishments • struggles • tragedies
  • 26. 2. Fight Fair • Don’t try to “WIN” arguments • Allow your spouse to maintain Self-respect • Don’t complain, state the issues honestly • GRANT Equal Time • understand the other person’s point of view
  • 27. 3. Forgive • stop holding grudges • Forgiveness is a challenge & can lead to: – Peace – Hope – Gratitude – joy • It can lower your – Blood pressure – Risk of alcohol – Risk of substance abuse
  • 28. 4. Rebuild Trust • Trust takes years to build but can be damaged in an instant • Be honest • Keep promises • Respect while supporting one another’s goals
  • 29. 5. Decide Together • Make Joint Decisions about • Finances • Disciplining children • Chores • Vacations • Other important family matters
  • 30. 6. Work on Building Intimacy • schedule regular dates and romantic getaways • Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
  • 31. 7. Don’t Try to Change your Mate • Appreciate & respect your spouse’s • Personality • Likes & Dislikes • Personal History
  • 32. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, Ephesians together with malice, 4: 31-32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as god in Christ has forgiven you.
  • 33. • Fr. Larry Tan, SDB Inspirational Series