Couples relax a bit after they think they’ve nabbed the matrimonial Holy Grail, the reality is that they may also findthemselves dumbfounded if their fairytale starts slipping away.
“Many people think that marriageis about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go to the ‘Crap, I accidentally married the wrong person…’ Alisa Bowman
You do want to marry someone you are basically compatible with, marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right person than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you married.
In other words, Relationships are a constantwork in progress.
Keep the happy connection that made you say “I do” in the first place—or maybe even create a newer-and-improved version— 10 tips to rehab your romance.
Marriage is about giving,but don’t make the mistake of giving too much. “Learn how to prioritize and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and whole— activities like rest, relaxation, fitness and time with friends.”
Scheduling “me” time into your day is not selfish, it’s a necessity It will strengthen your relationship because you’ll have a saner version of “you” to bring to the “us” equation.
Spend some time looking at your relationship andfigure out which parts work and which parts don’t. What would this look like? How would you and your partner interact? Then create a plan of how you might get from point A (your current reality) to point B (that perfect day). Write it down if you need to Start breaking the issues into bite-size pieces and tackling them one at a time. Before you know it, there will only be a few bite-size problems left.
Money is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Couples worry and argue about it constantly. Couples need to make an active plan about how they will manage their money: Combine it? Separate it? Create a joint account and keep some separate?
Both people have to be part of the decision Both people have to be part of the decision to do it and then figure out what needs to be done to keep the system humming.
When you need to ask your partner for something keep the request at three sentences—max.The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language
3 Sentences or fewer When you keep yourrequests to 3 sentences or fewer, it’s almost impossible to blame, use sarcasm or use put-downs.
Smile, sincere and encouraging It’s also a lot more likely that you’ll get your point across without losing your spouse’s attention. Make your request with a smile. Be sincere and encouraging.
Don’t duke it out.Instead, consider taking a time-out. loss aversion means we really hate to lose And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win
Hot-button issues like sex, housework, money or the kids. If either person thinks he or she is losing, he or she willratchet up the stakes and escalate the issue.
Take a break and revisit when neither is overwhelmed with the topic
Yes, by “do it” means have sex. Intimacy is an important part of a vital relationship, and one of the 1st areas to suffer if feelings are floundering.
Sexual encounters can also be one of the quickest waysto reconnect and rekindle with your partner.
Enjoy the physical experience Of the many forms of couple intimacy —a smile across a room, a kiss, a touch —sex has the potential to be the most powerful positive physical experience most of us enjoy
“This is especially true if sex results in emotional fulfillment, better communication, security and reassurance.” Joel D. Block, PhD,
Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them Give yourself as long as you need to really wallow in the misery of these grudges. Savor them. Get angry about them. Mutter about them. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them. Once you are done, say, ‘I will not think about these anymore.’ These grudges have lost their usefulness. Then take a match and burn them.
Overconfidence can lead to complacency, which is not good for any relationship. Don’t let yourself gloss over the little things. Don’t forget to make an effort to keep your romance alive. Don’t find yourself in a situation where you realize that you could have done more… when it’s already too late.
The funeral fantasy will help you remember to appreciate your spouse Think back over the years you’ve known this man. When did he make you laugh? When did he make you cry tears of joy? When did he surprise you? Put it in the eulogy
They think that they are stuck, and they blame this sensation of being stuck on their spouse. But if you are stuck, it’s your fault and not your spouse’s
You have choices You are not stuck; You have choices Do nothing and remain miserable; Face your fears and try to save your marriage You have the choice to live happily ever after.
Keep, O Lord, from pettiness. Let us be thoughtful in word and deed.Help us to put away pretense and face each other in deep trust without fear or self-pity.Let us be done with faultfinding and be quick to discover the best in every situation. Guard us from all ill-temper and hasty judgment. Encourage us to take time for all things; to grow calm, serene and gentle. Help us to be swift to kind words. Teach us never to ignore, never to hurt, never to take each other for granted. Engrave charity and compassion on our hearts. Amen.