Helping our kids become independent and wise-decision makers is possible using coaching skills. Learning to listen, ask questions, act and support are the keys to growing our kids into tomorrows leaders!
2. Coaching For Success
Overview
Summary of Prior Sessions
What is Coaching?
The Power of Coaching
The Coaching Process –An Overview
Healthy Confrontation &The Coaching
Process
ApplyingWhat We’ve Learned
3. Summary of Prior Sessions
Mission Statement-What’s your bottom-line?
We’ve developed a parenting mission
statement with the following keys:
Love/Relationship
Freedom
Moving from external control to self-c0ntrol
Moving from total dependence to independence
Choices
4. Summary of Prior Sessions
Strategy Development
Shifting from the Disrespect Factory to the Honor
Factory
5. Summary of Prior Sessions
Strategy Development
Create a space where your kid is loved & accepted
Love Languages
Speak to their identity & life purpose
Use your strengths & call out your kid’s strengths
6. What is Coaching?
Coaches are change experts who help individuals
take responsibility for their lives and act to
maximize their own potential.
Coaching is
Believing in people.
Seeing them for who they are & helping them step into
their destiny.
A support structure for change.
Growth centered & focused on the future.
Operating through influence, not authority
Listening & asking, instead of telling
7. The Power of Coaching
It’sTransforming
Teachable moment + an authentic, growth oriented
coaching relationship = Deep, lasting change.
Grow Faster
We need support, encouragement & accountability to
function at our full capacity.
Unleash People/Cut the Cord of Dependence
Help kids to become great decision makers versus
helping them make the right decision.
Teaching them to fish versus a fish for the day.
8. The Power of Coaching
DevelopYour Kids into Leaders
Setting goals, taking action, taking responsibility,
making choices and problem solving are
important skills to possess as a leader.
Develop & Improve Relational Skills
What really matters is not what you know, but
whether you can relate.
11. The Coaching Process
within Confrontation
HealthyConfrontation – Keys to Success
Listen
Ask Questions
Act
Define the Core Issue
Generate Options
Choose best solution
Support
12. Keys to Healthy
Confrontation-Listen
The goal of listening
To create a safe place to think out loud.
To affirm & empower people to express themselves with
confidence.
To gain information & perspective
Give your kids 80% of the air time.
Turn the conversation in your head off!
I see your problem & I’m figuring out how to solve it.
I’m composing my reply or question while you’re talking.
I’m focused on getting back to what I was doing.
I’m frustrated by something you said & my emotions are
now taking over.
13. Keys to Healthy
Confrontation-Listen
Tune In!
Turn on your belief that your kids can solve their
own problems without being told what to do.
Be present
Undivided attention
Confirm what you heard (“What I’m hearing is…”
and “Sounds like you are saying…”)
Defer judgment
14. The Coaching Process
within Confrontation
Healthy Confrontation – Keys to Success
Listen
Ask Questions
Act
Define the Core Issue
Generate Options
Choose best solution
Support
15. The Goal of Asking Questions
Gather as much information & insight into your kids
perspective as possible
Get your kids to start thinking through their problem
Two types of questions
Closed-Can be answered with “yes” or “no.”
Open-Can be answered in whatever way you want.
Keeps your kids in charge.
No right or wrong answer, so they don’t get defensive.
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
–Ask Questions
16. Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Ask Questions
Closed Open
Did the call to your friend
go well?
Is there something you
could do?
Did that make you feel
hurt?
Do you want to take action
on this option?
Could you talk to someone
about that?
How did the call to your
uncle go?
17. The Coaching Process
within Confrontation
Healthy Confrontation – Keys to Success
Listen
Ask Questions
Act
Define the Core Issue
Generate Options
Choose the Best solution
Support
18. Goal-To develop concrete action steps to
implement the chosen solution.
Keys to Acting On It
Define the Issue
Generate Options
Choose the Best Solution
Break it into action steps
Deadline-I’ve committed to have this done by a set
date.
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Act On It
19. Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Define the Issue
Goal-To clearly identify the issue & who owns
the issue.
What’s the issue? Be specific.
Define the expectation
Identify the gap in performance/choice
Whose issue is it?
20. Goal-To get the person who owns the problem to
identify potential solutions.
Strategies
Open ended questions
What could you do?
What have you done so far?
What has worked in the past in similar situations?
Give me five options.
What would be the best possible outcome?
Offer your ideas last
Make multiple suggestions
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Generate Options
21. Goal-To identify the best solution that meets
the needs of everyone involved & the
situation.
Identify needs
Questions to ask
Which option do you want to take?
What do you think the solution is?
Have your kid choose the solution
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Choose the Best Option
22. The Coaching Process
within Confrontation
Healthy Confrontation – Keys to Success
Listen
Ask Questions
Act
Define the Core Issue
Generate Options
Choose the Best solution
Support
23. Three components
Support by Ensuring Commitment
Encouragement
Accountability
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Support
24. Support by Ensuring Commitment
Kid Generated Steps-People are most committed to their
own ideas.
Verbalize the Action-”Is that a step you want to take?”
Direct questions that forces a person to make & verbalize
their decision.
Eliminate Half-Heartedness-Don’t settle for “I could do” or
“I ought to do.” Nail it down by asking, “What will you do?”
Quantify Commitment-”On a scale of 1-10, how certain
are you that you will get this done?” You want 8 or higher.
Expect Accountability-As the parent, let your kid know
you will be asking about their steps
Write it Down-Have your kids, write down or email you
their action steps.
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Support
25. Encouragement
When we consistently encourage, affirm &
celebrate our kids progress, it helps them stay
motivated
Validating your kid’s identity is the most powerful
form of affirmation.
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Support, Encouragement &
Accountability
26. Encouragement
Encourage with GUESS
Genuine-You mean what you say
Unequivocal-Affirm decisively & confidently
Energizing-Your response should match your kid’s
enthusiasm & bring the energy level up
Specific-Tie affirmation to tangible performance
and real evidence of character
Substantiative-Strong affirmation says something
important about who your kid is, their identity
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Support, Encouragement &
Accountability
27. Accountability-Voluntarily asking to be held
responsible to live up to a chosen standard.
Keeps our kids focused on the goal, so they won’t
forget it or rationalize it away.
When our kids fail, it helps them quickly get back
up & try again, because we know they are down &
need encouragement.
Accountability that is gentle, but firm, energizing
& encouraging is far more powerful than
motivating through fear, shame or guilt.
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Support, Encouragement &
Accountability
28. HealthyAccountability
Voluntary-Our kids need to initiate being held accountable.
Positive-Really believe that your kid can change. Negative
emotions like guilt or shame are counterproductive in the
long run.
Pre-emptive-Proactive, not reactive. It’s meant to prevent
wrong behavior, not punish it.
Consistent-Weekly, sometimes daily, depending on the
circumstance
Honest-No sliding by, honest authentic answers
Specific-Effective accountability is specific & to the point
Energizing-Our follow up should be motivating, not a
weight
Keys to Healthy Confrontation
Support, Encouragement &
Accountability
30. Practicing What We’ve
Learned
What worked?
What didn’t work?
What did you learn?
What are you going to do differently?
31. Coaching for Success
Keys to Success
Listen
Ask Questions
Act
Define the Problem
Generate Options
Choose best solution
Support
Editor's Notes
Relationship First, Then ChangeCan you give your kids the gifts of Unconditional love & acceptance based on who they are, not what they’ve done?Unconditional belief in their destiny? Heart Change not Superficial ChangeWhen people are truly known & fully believed in, we empower them to change from the inside out, because they want to, instead of trying to adjust to be accepted.Free Will-Freedom to chooseHonor uniquenessListen & AskListening & asking powerful questions push our kids to Explore themselves more deeplyDiscover new insights into who they areCommit decisively to action while retaining responsibility for the outcome.ActOnce a goal has been set, we help our kids develop concrete action steps to get it done through problem solving.Generate optionsChoose the best solutionDevelop strategies to implement it.SupportAs parents, we provide the on-going support needed to give our kids the best possible chance to succeed.Consistent AccountabilityCelebrate ProgressAffirm our kids’ abilitiesPick them up, dust them off & try again when things don’t work.