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Act like  lady think like a man Act like lady think like a man Document Transcript

  • ACT LIKE A LADY - THINK LIKE A MAN Keys to uncovering your self worth and surviving a love knockout Sharon P. CarsonContact InformationSharon P. CarsonP.O. Box 28-8482, Chicago, Il. 60628Phone: 773-568-2274Fax: 773-568-2275Email: sharonpcarson@gmail.com
  • Copyright 2003 by Sharon P. CarsonAll rights reserved. No part of this book may bereprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form orby any electronic, computerized, mechanical orother means, now known of hereafter invented,including photocopying and recording, or in anyinformation storage or retrieval system, withoutpermission in writing from Sharon P. Carson,Publisher. ACT LIKE A LADY THINK LIKE A MAN 1
  • Why do we feel so insecure without a hand to hold? And then we make our search for one our life s entire goal! 2
  • Dedicated toTracy, Kimberly, Candice, Mellanie, Tiffany, Gabrielle, Autumn & Chayce 3
  • TABLE OF CONTENTSIntroduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .pgs.. .8-9 Hope for the Book 10-12Training Camp .13-15 A Diamond in the Rough -16 The Tears of Fear -16-18 Don t Take It Personally 18-19 Your Life Has Purpose 19-20 Every Experience 20-21 Any Man at Any Cost - 21 Don t Get Desperate 21-22 Waiting to Be Happy 22-23 The Man Shortage Myth 23-25 4
  • Relationship101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .25 I Did Everything 25 I Can t Live Without Him 26 The Time Between 27 But I Love Him 27-28 Fall in Love with Yourself 28 He wants me to lose weight 28-29 Sop the Pot! 29-30 Money is Only Good 30-31 Why? 31-32 Love Is Indestructible 32-33 Don t Try to Kick 33-34 Get Out! Slow Down 35 The Golden Rule 35-36 5
  • There s Enough to Go Around 36-37Why Would a Man Cheat? 37To Forgive or Not To Forgive? 38Don t Become what you Hate 38-39The Brainwasher 39Make the Right Decision 39-40LOVE LESSONS 40-41The hard part of love 41 Know Yourself 41 Waiting for Revenge 41 I Can Change Him 41-42 A Sneak Preview 42 Stand Tall 42 Stay on Your Pedestal 42 Turn up the Heat 42 6
  • Flip the Script 43 A New Day 43Healing A Broken Heart . 43-47 The Prayer Factor 43-44 The Broken Heart Eviction Process 44-47The Greatest Love ofAll . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..... The Courtship 48-51 A Word to the Wise 51-52 7
  • INTRODUCTIONAct like a Lady Think like a Man wasinspired by a newspaper article I read about awoman who found out that her husband washaving an affair. She went to variousextremes in an attempt to save her marriage.She had plastic surgery and liposuction,joined a gym, quit her job to concentrate onher husband and her marriage, cooked hisfavorite meals, and had sex with him threetimes a day. Yet even in the face of this levelof desperate measures, her long-time husbandstill left her for the other woman.In many similar cases, after a marital orrelational break-up, the man quickly moveson to another relationship but the woman,more often than not, continues to suffer forlonger periods of time from emotional scars.She will sometimes suffer for the rest of herlife from anger, distrust of men, bitterness andan inability to forgive. The internalization ofthese negative emotions will undoubtedlyhave a negative effect on her personality, herhealth and her happiness.There are too many bitter women who havebeen carrying this emotional garbage aroundfor too long; now it s time to take out thegarbage. It s time for women to move frompain to gain. 8
  • Act like a Lady Think like a Man is acollection of short lessons that are intended toinspire women to practice both self-love andtough love in relationships. These lessonshave been gleaned from my personalexperiences as well as from the experiences ofthe many women who have openly sharedtheir relationship experiences with me. 9
  • HOPE FOR THE BOOKOne of my hopes for this book is that women,after reading it, will have more love andrespect for themselves, just the way that theyare.I want women to understand that they werenot created as a half person who will beincomplete without a male half. They wereborn complete, with everything they need tohave a complete and fulfilling life, even if thatlife does not include an ongoing relationshipwith a man.Act Like A LadyThe title of the book, Act like a Lady Thinklike a Man, was born out of my belief that awoman should always act like a lady. I willnot try to provide a blanket definition forwhat it means to act like a lady. Every womanhas to decide for herself what it means to actlike a lady.But for me and the purposes of my book,acting like a lady has nothing to do withmanicures, pedicures, high-heeled shoes orweekly hair do s. In the context of my book,a woman who acts like a lady is one whoexudes self-confidence. She accepts andappreciates who she is, both inside and out.She has respects herself and demands respectfrom her male counterpart. 10
  • Think like a Man I believe that by gaining some insight intohow men think (in terms of their relationshipswith women,) a woman can help better herpresent relationship and be more able either torecognize the signs of a bad relationship sothat she doesn t fall into one, or to recognizeif she has already fallen into one.In today s world women s hearts are beingbroken over and over again, as easily as eggsfor an omelet and without remorse or secondthought. I believe that by learning howdifferently men and women viewrelationships a woman can obtain the toolsshe needs to repair her relationship problems.Many women don t have a clue as to howmen think because for the most part, men donot open themselves up to vulnerabilities bytelling women what they really think. Moreoften than not, what a woman learns abouthow a man thinks comes from a man whoeither wants to sleep with her, is in arelationship with her already or has someother interest in her. She will never truthfullylearn how he thinks because he usually willnot open up to her for fear of jeopardizing therelationship.There is also another type of woman, who isclose-minded and not open to the truth even ifa man chooses to share it. Women should beopen to an honest dialogue with men. 11
  • After all, every good hunter always learns thehabits of its prey. 12
  • TRAINING CAMPWomen could save themselves a lot ofheartache if they understood that thedifference between a man and a womanamounts to more than just their sexual organs.For the most part, men and women do notthink alike. A man cannot validate all of awoman s feelings or understand all of heremotions because the two experience theworld differently, are usually brought updifferently from childhood, and have differentexpectations placed on them by the world. Awoman should remember that a man cannotgive what he does not have. If a man was notraised with love and affection, it is hard forhim to give love and affection.One of the biggest mistakes a woman canmake is to think that because a man wants tohave sex with her, he has some deep feelingsfor her as a person, when in many instancesthis is not the case. To the average man, sex issex and to many women, sex is love. This isone of the major differences between thethinking of a man and the thinking of awoman. The woman who is unable todifferentiate between love and a man s love ofsex will undoubtedly find herself on thecrowded road that leads to Heartbreak Hotel. 13
  • You could have married someone fromMinniehollerwallerMinniehollerwaller is an imaginary place, butit serves to prove a good point. Have youever thought about the fact that most couplesmeet in their own state, city, or evenneighborhood?It is amazing how most women, who havebeen in relationships probably, met who theyconsider their perfect mate or partner right inthe same neighborhood, city, school or socialcircles that they were already in. Is this acoincidence?Let s Get Real about it!If you lived in Canada, you probably wouldhave met and married a Canadian; in Texas, aTexan; in Chicago, a Chicagoan; in Australia,an Australian; in Brazil, a Brazilian; in Africa,an African and so on.In other words, throughout this world youhave many possibilities for a mate. You aresimply more likely to meet one within yourimmediate community or social circles. Onceyou free yourself from thinking that there isonly one man in the world for you, you willbe free of the fear that he will leave you andthat you will never find anyone to replace him. 14
  • Women should know that they have manypossibilities for a mate and they don t have toworry about the one who s a continent awayor a state away or a city away, because thereis usually one just a zip code away. 15
  • A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGHWhy do women always talk about the need tofind a man as though he is the diamond? Youare the diamond! And you can polish yourselflike a diamond by holding yourself in highesteem.Have you ever noticed that some women, whoin society s view are not consideredtraditionally attractive, believe themselves tobe attractive and carry themselves that way,showing self confidence to everyone aroundthem? As a young person might say, theybelieve that they are all that and a bag ofchips!It does not take long for those around theseself-confident people to start seeing them inthe same way they see themselves.The bottom line is that others will value youonly to the extent that you value yourself. Actlike a diamond, believe you are a diamond,demand to be treated like a diamond and stopallowing men to treat you like cubiczirconium!THE TEARS OF FEARI once met a woman who told me that afterher husband left her, she cried every day forsix years. I asked her what finally made her 16
  • stop crying and she replied that she had madea pact with God - if He would take care of herand her children, she would move on and stopcrying, and she finally did.During the course of those six years, she hadpurchased a new house and gotten a better job,and her children were doing great. All aroundher good things were happening butshe was so absorbed in the pain of the breakup that she couldn t see that God wasanswering her prayer.So how did she suddenly stop crying after 6years? One day she just came to herself.She woke up from her nightmare and made adecision to allow her mind to regain controlof her emotions, which is something shecould and should have done immediately afterthe man left.There are people who have ended up with apremature divorce or a jail sentence, ended uphurting someone else or even hurtingthemselves because they could not controltheir emotions. Emotions are like unrulychildren that need a parent to rein them in.And the parent of your emotions is a soundmind or a careful thought process.Emotions want you to focus on the hurt andanger. They want you to feel powerless andfearful and to react negatively to a troubling 17
  • situation, thus producing negative results; asound mind tells you to think clearly and thenact based on careful thought, so usually youend up reacting in a positive way withpositive results.You have the power to control your emotionsbut you have to come to yourself, you have towake up and make a decision to use the powerwithin you.The best information I can provide you onthis subject comes directly from the Bible: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2nd Timothy 1:7)You must allow your sound mind to controlyour emotions.DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLYOften a woman feels like something is wrongwith her when a man breaks off theirrelationship. In many cases she loses her self-esteem.Since the beginning of time, men have brokenoff relationships with some of the mostbeautiful, intelligent and talented women inthe world -- Halle Berry, Mariah Carey,Vanessa Williams and Janet Jackson, just to 18
  • name a few. Oftentimes, the woman hereplaces her with doesn t have half as muchgoing for her as the woman he left.Can you imagine these women that I have justmentioned losing their self esteem? Well, ithappens. A well-known actress, who isconsidered one of the most beautiful andtalented women in the industry, wasinterviewed on the Oprah Winfrey show andshared with Oprah that after her recentdivorce, she lost all of her self-esteem. Theaudience was shocked because they could notbelieve that this woman who had everythinggoing for her could have lost her self-esteem.She lost it because her self-esteem came fromwho she was with rather than from who shewas. When self esteem comes from who youare with, it will leave with that person too. Butwhen it comes from who you are, it will bewith you for a lifetimeYOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSEYou were not born by coincidence, but bydivine purpose. There is a purpose for yourlife and no matter how large or small yourcontribution might seem, or how insignificantothers might think you are, that purpose isuniquely yours and is just as important asanyone else s purpose on earth. 19
  • People always want to know their purpose.This train of thought assumes that there is asingular purpose for your life. But if there wasonly one purpose for your life then what goodwould you be once you fulfilled that purpose?Your life is too important for it to have onlyone purpose. You have many purposes, mostof which you may never know. But if youcontinue to live a loving and unselfish lifeevery day, you will unknowingly fulfill yourmany daily purposes.EVERY EXPERIENCE PREPARES YOUFOR A GREATER EXPERIENCEEvery failure prepares you for success andevery success prepares you for greater success.If you ground your thinking in this truth, afailed relationship will not devastate you orpush you over the edge as it has done to fartoo many women. You will realize thatsuccess is inevitably in your future throughthe lessons you have learned from a failure.You Will Experience What you ExpectWhen a woman does not expect to find theright mate (the all men are dogs syndrome),she begins to expect that she will end up witha dog, and hope for a poodle instead of a pitbull. 20
  • You will experience what you expect!ANY MAN AT ANY COSTIn the language of an old blues song, "I can dobad by myself.There are some women who dont care howbadly a man treats them, as long as they cansay they have a man. They believe this tellsthe world that someone loves them, whichgives them a temporary but false feeling ofself-worth.If you are one of these women who think anyman is better than no man, do yourself a favorand volunteer at a battered women s shelteryour thinking will soon change.DONT GET DESPERATEIt may be unthinkable to many women(especially younger ones), but there is alwaysthe possibility that you may have to go italone.If a woman faces the prospect of not having aman in her life, she must strive to avoiddesperation, which can lead to bad choices.So how do you know when you are gettingdesperate? When bad men start looking good,then you know that you re desperate. You can 21
  • avoid desperation by not placing your life onhold while waiting for a man (or anything else)to make you happy.Here is a poem I wrote on the subject. "WAITING TO BE HAPPY" I cant wait till my kids are grown and on their own I cant wait no longer to be happy.I can t wait till my bills are paid or my hair is laid, I can t wait no longer to be happy.I cant wait till I lose some weight, get a date, find a mate I cant wait no longer to be happy. I cant wait till someone smiles at me or sees the things I wish theyd see or till I become what I want to be. I cant wait for time and chance A new romance Someone to ask before I dine and dance. I cant wait on a win, a kin, a friend, or for my ship to come in. I must be happy whatever state Im in. I cant wait for a wrong to right Or a reason to forgive. 22
  • I cant hold a grudge for life. I must move on and live. A merry heart is good, I know And health to all my bones. I cant let my body down through tears and fears and moans. This is the day the Lord has made In it I will rejoice and be glad. I refuse to wait for a perfect state And spend my life being sad.THE MAN SHORTAGE MYTHLets dispense with the "Man Shortage Myth."This myth has been keeping women in a panicfor years some end up searching for a manlike a lost winning mega bucks lottery ticket!The reason many women dont find the rightman is because they wouldnt know him ifthey saw him. They are looking at the wrongthings, and miss the right opportunity when itpresents itself.You may have to stop looking at all the treesand look at some bushes. Your guy may beshorter than you, less educated than you andyes, he may be a hard worker but not makingas much money as you. These days, ageshouldn t be a barrier to happiness either. 23
  • Throw out that antiquated notion that he mustbe 2 years older than you. Dont rob the cradle,but stop eliminating all younger men. It smore important to judge a man from theinside out than from the outside in.Now let s look at the numbers that are beingused to perpetuate the man shortage myth.Men love to talk about the fact that there aremore available women than men. Many menwant to make sure that a woman keeps this inthe back of her mind, both to exploit thismyth and to feed the desperation and fear thatsome women have of never being able to finda good man.The outnumbering of women to men I amsure can be substantiated by census data andnatural mathematics. But I don t believe inrelying solely on natural math.There is a greater form of mathematics, calledfaith math. And it supercedes all naturalmathematics. Here are my calculations basedon faith math:There may be 200 available women for every100 available men according to natural math(this assumes that the men and women are allquality individuals.) In faith math, only 50 ofthe 200 women really believe or have faiththat they will get a good man, thuseliminating 150 women from the equation.And because you will experience what you 24
  • expect, the final computation via faith math is50 women per every 100 men.Remember, you will experience what youexpect!RELATIONSHIP 101Sometimes a woman will complain that shedid everything to keep her relationship goingwhile her partner did nothing.I would ask this woman, Did you feel soinvaluable in the relationship that you didntfeel worthy of him doing anything for you?A relationship is predicated upon more thanone central figure. If everything is centeredaround the man, then you are not in arelationship, you are in a slave ship.I DID EVERYTHING FOR HIM AND HESTILL LEFT METherein lies your problem - you dideverything for him. You should have madehim do more for you. Remember this goldenrule for the next relationship. Whatever youthink he is going to do well for the nextwoman, make him do for you right now. 25
  • I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIMI remember what my aunt Laverne once toldher husband "I used to didnt know you. Ifyou lived before him, you can live after him.And some women might say yes but my lifebefore him was lonely and miserable. Itprobably was lonely and miserable becauseyou were spending too much time waiting forsomeone or something to make it not belonely and miserable. Your life cannot belived waiting on anyone or any event to makeyou happy. Happiness is not meant to come inspurts, restricted to the manifestation of long-awaited events.The longest and most important times of yourlife are those times between events - like thetime between being single and getting married,being over-weight to losing weight, beingjobless to having a job, being childless tohaving children, or being alone to having aman in your life - events that you think willmake you happy. It is during these times inyour life that you should find a way to bestutilize the talents, gifts and aspirations thatare uniquely yours.Here is a poem I wrote on the subject; I hopeyou can understand it because it is short butvery profound. 26
  • THE TIME BETWEEN As we re rushing here and there Heading fast towards God knows where Let us not forget the time between. As we are a healthy soul Moving towards our higher goal Let us not belittle the time between. For life is lived between the wait From where we are to a desired state So thus, we must enjoy the time between.BUT I LOVE HIMSome women stay with men that have abusedthem mentally, physically, socially,economically, and every other way possible.When asked why they stay, the response isoften, I love him.How can a person love the taste of feces?The woman in this scenario does not reallylove the taste of feces; rather, she is in lovewith the idea of being in love. She is in whatcan be called a dysfunctional comfort zone ,having remained in a bad relationship for solong that it feels normal.It is very hard for a woman to leave this typeof relationship. She will only be able to move 27
  • out of it when she begins to love herself andrealizes that she deserves to be treatedlovingly.A man will only treat you as lovingly as youtreat yourself remember, you willexperience what you expect!FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELFIt cannot be stressed enough how important itis to love yourself.My mother told me when I was very youngthat it doesnt matter what others think of you,it only matters what you think of yourself. You must love yourself, she told me. Forme, this experience was very freeing.Whether you are overweight wanting to beskinny or short wanting to be tall, you mustlearn to love yourself just the way you are. Ifyou do, then the way you want to be becomesless important than the way you are.You will then have self confidence and self-esteem in such measure that you can t lose it,because it is not dependent on anything,anyone or any goal to sustain it.HE WANTS ME TO LOSE WEIGHT 28
  • If you are overweight, losing weight is awonderful idea for many reasons, includingyour health. When you embark on a weight-loss program, however, do it because it issomething you want to do and not just toplease the man in your life. If it makes himhappy in the process, thats great, but he mightthink you need to lose 50 pounds and youwould be happy with 5.The most important thing is for you to behappy with yourself and to make changesbased on factors that are important to you andhow you want to look and feel.For some women it is more important to walk,talk, look, dress and think the way the man intheir life wants them to, rather than to pleasethemselves. In the end, these women oftenbecome someone they hate in order to pleasesomeone they think they love.SOP THE POT...Any good cook knows that the best flavor in astew can be found lying in the bottom of thepot after most of the stew is gone. They usewhatever is at their disposal spoon, bread orfingers and reach down into the bottom ofthe pot and scoop up what is left. This iscalled sopping the pot. 29
  • It s time for women to sop the pot of theirsouls! The best part of you is not youroutward appearance, as this will inevitablyfade away. The best part of you is within you.You must reach down into the pot of yoursoul and rediscover the rich ingredients thatmake you unique the things you like, thethings that make you happy, your desires,ambitions and goals. Stir up all thesewonderful substances that lie deep in the potof your soul and move forward, realizing thatthat every day you live is the perfect day to doanything you want. By sopping the pot ofyour soul, you can have a feast for life.MONEY IS ONLY GOOD ON EARTHI once had a conversation with a person whotold me that they wished that they couldafford to go on a vacation. I knew that thisperson could have afforded to go anywhere inthe world they wanted to go but had gotten soused to not spending any money and notgoing anywhere that it was hard for them tomove out of this condition.Your money is only good on earth and in yourlifetime.You shouldn t break the piggy bank, but youshouldn t seal the bottom so you can t getanything out either. One thing I have learnedis not to wish for something that is within my 30
  • financial capacity to have. We did not bringanything with us when we came into thisworld and surely we will take nothing with uswhen we leave. And if we do not enjoy whatwe accumulate in between, then, to borrow aquote from the Bible, we have labored for thewind.This is a poem I wrote that touches on thesubject. WHY Why do we save for rainy days, while the sun yet shines so bright? Why do we put on hold our dreams until our life s twilight? Why do we say tomorrow, tomorrow, when today would do just fine?And then, when tomorrow s rain comes down, we long for yesterday s sunshine. Why do we say our joy will come with some set circumstance? When we know so many things in life are given to time and chance?Why do we save our every penny and then we fear to spend? 31
  • Caught in a quest for riches, that seems to never end. Life was made for living and living as best you can If you save and save and never spend, you save for another man.Take stock of all your blessings seek God s direction from where you are Then step upon life s waters and walk both near and far.You ll find the things you ve dreamed of were always very nearBut that which kept you from them was fear just plain old fear!LOVE IS INDESTRUCTIBLEI have often heard women say, "I gave him allmy love and he still left me and now I don tknow what to do. To say that you havegiven someone all of your love implies thatyou don t have any love left for anything oranybody, not even yourself.Love is not something that you were bornwith in limited supply, to be measured anddistributed as you desire. You were born witha waterfall of love that keeps cycling itself 32
  • over and over again. You were born to loveand you will never lose your ability to love.Love is like energy: it cannot be destroyed, itonly changes form. That is why people canfall in love over and over again, and with eachsuccessive person feel like they have neverbeen more in love. Even the most evil ofpersons can love, even if it is evil that theylove.The woman in this scenario, who feels thatshe gave away all her love and has nothingleft, is just a woman who placed all of thevalue of the relationship in the man and forgotto love and appreciate herself and hercontribution to the relationship. If you havecome out of a broken relationship it shouldreassure you to know that all of the love youhad is not gone; even though you may thinkyou gave it all away, you will never lose yourability to love and there will always be peoplefor you to love. The challenge, however, isfor you to remember to love yourself as well.DONT TRY TO KICK A CLOSEDDOOR DOWNIf a man locks you out of his life, shutting thedoor on the relationship, and you want to getback in, you should knock gently, reveal tohim the person at the door and explain whyyou want to come back in, but if he doesn t 33
  • reopen the door, you should not try to kick theclosed door down.Remember: you can learn to love someonewho loves you but you cannot teach someoneto love you.Both parties win when a relationship ends in adecision and not a knock-out.GET OUT IT IS NOT QUICKSANDLet s equate being in a bad relationship tostepping in doggy doo. If you step in doggydoo, as many women have, dont just staythere! It s not quicksand or concrete. But thelonger you stay, the harder it is to get outbecause it becomes like quicksand, pullingyou in deeper, or like concrete, beginning toharden around you.Women often have a hard time exiting badrelationships because of fear. Every womanhas to deal with the individual real or unrealrisks of a situation for herself. It is importantfor women to know, however, that there aremany open roads out of bad relationships andmany resources to support you along the way.Fear should not be the master that keeps youenslaved.I have been taught to see my fears as a personstanding across from me on the other side of agulf or a deep canyon, yelling and screaming 34
  • at me and telling me all the things that theywant to do to me. But I know that they can tget over to do me any harm because if theytry, they will fall into the canyon.And I don t just stand there listening; I seemyself walking and enjoying my walk andthe farther I walk away the quieter the voiceof fear becomes.SLOW DOWNYou dont have to be in a hurry to find a mate.Life is not a sprint; it s a marathon.When you are young, you want to racethrough life in record time, but as you getolder youll learn just to enjoy the ride.THE GOLDEN RULE OFRELATIONSHIPSOne day I was watching a daytime talk showcalled, My Man is Cheating on Me. I wasamazed by the beautiful and intelligentwomen who would come out and talk abouthow badly they were being treated by thewomanizing men in their lives. Sometimestwo women would start fighting on the stageover which one of them the man was going tochoose to stay in a relationship with. 35
  • But even more amazing were the men whowould then come out. They would more oftenthan not, turn out to be the worst-looking,meanest and most disrespectful creatures youcould imagine. I don t believe that thisscenario is only being played out on the talkshows; I believe that it is being played out allacross America and the world because manywomen have lost sight of how valuable, howwonderful, how beautiful, how unique theyreally are.The women in this scenario are fighting fortheir life because they don t believe they havea life or any individual value apart from theirrelationship with the man.The Golden Rule of Relationships as was toldto me by a man is this: If you place your ownvalue in a relationship below that of the man,you will never be able to up the price.THERES ENOUGH TO GO AROUNDPeople may not love you, but they cannot takeaway your ability to love others. If no onewill hug you, then you should hug someone.If no one tells you I love you then youshould tell someone you love them.Many times what we think is anoverwhelming desire in us to be loved isreally an overwhelming desire to find 36
  • someone to share the abundance of love wehave within us with. There is no shortage ofpeople to love and if you are a believer, thenyou know that God has commanded you tolove everyone.For far too long, people have confined anddefined the word love in the context of aromantic relationship. But if everyone soughtto love, rather than to be loved, everyonewould find love.WHY WOULD A MAN CHEAT ON AGOOD WOMAN?For the same reason he would cheat on a badwoman - because he can. It is not about youor the woman with whom he may be cheating.It s about him.Lets use an example:A man has slept with perhaps 50 differentwomen, and always moves on to find anotherwoman. In each scenario, there is only onecommon denominator THE SAME MAN.The sex act, then, was never really about anyof the women. It was always about the manand his insatiable desire to please himself andthe opportunities that he has to do so.If he cheats, it s not because you have aproblem. It s because he does. 37
  • TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVEIf a man asks you what you would do if youcaught him cheating, never answer thequestion. Always keep him guessing. If heknows what you would do, he might decidethat the punishment is light enough to makethe crime worth committing.If a man has been caught cheating and asksforgiveness, it is usually for one of tworeasons: 1. He has made a mistake and is truly sorry, or 2. He is sorry he got caughtThe man who is truly sorry may not do itagain, but the man who is sorry he got caughtis destined to repeat the offense.DON T BECOME WHAT YOU HATEWhen someone has hurt you through betrayal,one reaction might be to stay in therelationship and stay angry with that personfor days or weeks or even years. Anotherreaction might be to turn the tables on themand hurt them the way they hurt you. But torepay evil with evil, you must become evil. It 38
  • is important for you not to become what youhate.If you have decided to stay in the relationship,you will need to forgive and move through itbut if you have decided to stay in therelationship and remain angry it will be liketaking poison every day and hoping the otherperson will die from it.THE BRAIN-WASHERSometimes a man will continue to focus on allof a woman s faults in order to overshadowhis own faults. This is some men s method oftrying to brainwash women into believing thatno one else would want them and that theyshould stay in the relationship because he isthe best that she can get.The women in this scenario should realizethat if this man wants them, then others willtoo. One mans trash is another mans treasure,so don t be brainwashed.MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONEvery day that you wake up, you can bewhatever you decide to be and not be whatyou don t want to be. 39
  • If you decide to be somebody s doormat, youcan be that. And if you decide to besomebody s darling, you can be that, too.Life is about choices and the decisions areyours.LOVE LESSONSYou must accept whatever you don t likeabout yourself that is beyond your control.Learn to be content with who you are, boththe inward and the outward you. When youreally learn to enjoy being yourself and beingwith yourself, you will find that you can bealone without being lonely. Although youmay still desire companionship, that desirewill no longer be a controlling factor in yourlife.Some women have unfaithful companionsthat come home every night, but these womenunknowingly are still home alone.You must choose your associates wisely;don t let them choose you. It is better to bealone than in bad company. 40
  • The Barbie and Ken SyndromeDon t make the mistake that some men oftendo of picking a Barbie doll just to impresstheir friends, without caring if there is anyvalue inside. Don t pick a man based on howgood he looks. Bragging about his looks isinsignificant if you can t brag about how wellhe treats you.The hard part of loveFalling in love is easy staying in love isharder because no one is loveable everyday.It s important to remember this fact.Relationships would last longer if coupleswould realize and accept that they might loveeach other everyday, but will have days whenit is difficult to like each other.Know YourselfMake sure you know who you are before youenter into a relationship, or the man willdefine you.Waiting for RevengeInstead of waiting for something bad tohappen to the person that hurt you, spend yourtime making something good happen foryourself.I Can Change HimYou cannot change a man. The man has towant to change and then make the changehimself. The only thing you can do is refuseto accept bad behavior from him; if he cares 41
  • enough about you and a relationship with you,he will realize the need to change. Whether ornot he makes the change is entirely up to him.Most women know what type of man they aregetting involved with, but they make themistake of thinking that they can change whatthey are getting into what they want.A Sneak PreviewMy aunt Julia gave me some invaluableadvice, one week after I was married. She toldme that however you start out is usually howyou will end up. Many years of marriagelater, I have found that to be very true.Stand TallOne of my father s favorite sayings to hischildren was stand tall . What he reallymeant was: demand to be respected. No onecan ride your back unless you bend down andthe lower you bend, the heavier the weightand the less likely you are to get up. If youdon t want a man to ride your back just standtall.Stay on your pedestalValue is always related to scarcity and sinceyou are one of a kind, you are priceless. Holdyourself in high esteem and stay away frommen who try to belittle you. If you don t meanmuch to them, they won t treat you like much. 42
  • Turn Up the HeatNegative men, like negative people in general,will try to pour water on your dreams. Somemen are afraid of your success. They willfocus on all of your faults to overshadow theirown. Turn up the fire under your dreams sohigh that no one can pour on enough water toput them out.Flip the ScriptMen can t treat women badly without womenallowing it. We treat ourselves badly byallowing it to continue.A New DayEvery ending is a new beginning and a newopportunity to make your life better by usingthe lessons learned from past mistakes. Thelessons learned from Mr. Wrong can bringyou success with Mr. Right.HEALING FOR A BROKEN HEARTThe Prayer FactorThe Bible records Jesus as saying that: The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted. (Luke 4:18)As a Christian and as a person who hasexperienced both the pain and the healing of a 43
  • broken heart, I know that there is no substitutefor prayer when it comes to healing a brokenheart.When something is broken, the manufactureris always the best source for repairs.To pray and ask God for divine healing foryour broken heart and for wisdom anddirection will prove invaluable andundoubtedly effective for those that believe inthe existence an all-powerful, all-knowingand all-loving God. Casting all your care upon him, for he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)The Broken Heart Eviction ProcessBelow is a 4-step broken heart evictionprocess, analogous to the eviction process inreal estate for someone who has an illegalresidency.Step 1: Acknowledge the painThe 1st step in the process of evicting abroken heart is to acknowledge its presencewithout allowing it to take up permanentresidency within you. There is no sense in awoman trying to deny the pain she feels froma broken heart. She may mask it very well anddeny it to others but to herself she should betrue and acknowledge that her experience isvery painful. 44
  • It is uniquely painful because the woman isusually in a situation where a man has brokenher heart and she is trying abruptly to hatesomeone she really loves. It s like trying tocome to a quick stop in your car when it sgoing 100 MPH a very hard thing to dowithout some consequences!Step 2: Serve The Eviction NoticeThe 2nd step in the process of evicting abroken heart is to serve it an eviction notice.The eviction notice is served when a womanresolves within herself to protect her property(her body, soul and mind), and will not allowa broken heart to consume her thoughts,deplete her energies, control her emotions ordestroy her health.A neighbor of mine shared with me that hewas going through a divorce because his wifehad become pregnant by another man. Heshared with me the pain of his broken heart.He shared with me his feeling that his spiritwas broken; he was without joy. His heartwas so broken that he ended up with an actualphysical heart problem for which he wasbeing treated and he ultimately lost his goodjob because of the resulting physical problems.He shared that his mind was so consumedwith the thoughts and visions of his wifecheating that he could not think clearly Hisbroken heart had damaged his body, his spiritand his mind. 45
  • In time, he ended up finding a very good andfaithful wife and told me that he is now a veryhappy man. But look at the toll the brokenheart took on him in the mean time or the inbetween time.Step 3: Cut off the utilitiesAs a continuation to the eviction process, the3rd step is to cut off the broken heart s powersources, which are analogous to its utilities(gas, light, and phone.) Its power sources arethings like anger, thoughts of revenge, aninability to forgive and self pity. Thesenegative emotions sustain the residency of abroken heart and enable it comfortably to staylonger. Negative emotions must be resistedand not allowed to control ones thoughts.Once the negative emotions which were itspower sources have been cut off, there is noreason for the broken heart to keep fightingthe eviction process and it will begin to moveout.As quickly as it is moving out of ones spiritand mind, one should begin to move inpositive thoughts, self-love and reneweddirection, so that there will be no need todwell on any hurt or emptiness leftover fromthe experience.Step 4: Get The Keys 46
  • The 4th and final step is for a woman torealize that she has been empowered by thewisdom gained through the lessons learnedfrom the bad experience. This newfoundwisdom is representative of a set of personalkeys that she alone possesses. These keyswill provide her the ability to controlpersonally all of the entrances and exits to thedoors that lead to future relationships.She should then move on with her life, beingmindful that yesterday was history andtomorrow is a mystery but today is a new giftfrom God and a new opportunity to have arewarding, fulfilling and enjoyable life.THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALLThe most perfect love of all is God sunconditional love for all mankind. He knowsour weaknesses and our shortcomings, hecolored our hair and our skin and shaped ourbodies before we were born and said It isgood . What man sees as flawed, God sees ashis perfect creation.He put in each of us individual purpose andcalled us into existence out of the infinitepossibilities contained in our mothers wombs.Just as God loves us unconditionally,knowing everything about us, surely aswomen we can love ourselves unconditionally 47
  • and stay mindful of how wonderful, howbeautiful and how precious we are as we enterand exit relationships in life.THE COURTSHIPMost women hope for and expect to becourted by a good man and to have thatcourtship culminate in a good marriage.What they often lose sight of, however, is thatevery day of their lives, they are beingcourted by someone who has everything theyneed and is everything they want. Thissomeone wants women to unite with him foran everlasting and faithful covenantrelationship.I call it God s courtship of mankind.If what you are looking for is:Someone who will always be there for you The Lord will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)Someone who will be true and faithful to you Know therefore that the LORD your God, 48
  • he is God, the faithful God,which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him (Deuteronomy 7:9)Someone who will always love you andsacrifice anything for you I have loved thee with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3)God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)Someone who loves you unconditionally, justas you are The LORD sees not as man sees;for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)Someone who knows you inside and out Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee (Jeremiah 1:5)Someone who will provide for all of yourneeds and has the resources to do so 49
  • God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:18-20)Someone who has good plans for your lifewith whom you are happy in their presence He will show you the path of life: in his presence is fullness of joy; and pleasures for evermore. (Psalm 16:11)Someone who is willing and able to take careof your problems and take the pressure off ofyouCast all your care upon him; for he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)Someone who won t lie to you God is not a man, that he should lie;If he said it he will do it and if he spoke it he shall make it good (Numbers 23:19)Someone who is always thinking about youHow precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand (Psalm 139:18) 50
  • As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee. (Isaiah 62:5) God is courting you!Everyday of your life he is asking you to sayyes, to love, honor and obey him. When youcan say yes to God, you will enter into acovenant relationship with him and can livehappily ever after! And this is no fairy tale! A WORD TO THE WISE The young girl said, I can live with a man before he says, I do. The old woman said, He ll eat all the meat and potatoes out of your stew. The young girl said, I know one day he ll surely marry me.The old woman said, Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?The young girl said, The times have changed; there are things you just don t know. The old woman said, Child, where you re going, I ve been there long before.The young girl said, I love the man and good men are very few. 51
  • The old woman said, That s just because of women just like you.You see my child; the nature of a man is the same since Adam s time. A man has never valued that which is plenteous and easy to find. When you become that rare young one with values all your ownAnd for the sake of Godliness, prepared to go it alone.Then God will send that special one into your life one dayAnd for you there won t be any price he s not prepared to pay. 52