A Day in <br />the Life of <br />Matt Haney at WorldAPP<br />
Matt gets to the office and is surprised<br />to find he is the only one there…<br />
Where the hell is everyone?  Doesn’t <br />anybody else work<br />in this place?!?<br />4:30 AM<br />
A few hours later…<br />
Management <br />Meeting<br />Oh for crying out loud!<br />I forgot, that’s how we do things around here… <br />You know, ...
I need to figure out how to delegate this meeting…<br />
What we need is a proper PBX system and to use Microsoft Project<br />
Somebody save<br />me please…<br />
Matt drinks about 12 cups of coffee <br />and heads in for the Sales Meeting…<br />
Sales <br />Meeting<br />Guys– why didn’t you call any of your leads yet today? <br />Don’t you know we pay $450,000 for e...
Whoah,whoah Cal – calm down big fella. <br />The Celtics have been playing all month and besides, the leads are weak…<br />
The leads are weak?!?!?!?! <br />
Actually Cal I haven’t slept all week and I made 6,457 calls.  Granted I called the same 3 people but I just got off the b...
Wait, I know how to<br />get $10,000,000 in<br />revenue per day….<br />I’m an MBA!!!!<br />
Listen guys, this is no time to be joking around.  <br />The dashboard is down and…just look at how serious I am with thes...
Guys Olga’s right – this is serious.  <br />I’m firing everyone tomorrow.<br />But in case I don’t, Nate how much can you ...
Nate?<br />Hulllooooooo?<br />
…all we need to do is just set up a <br />simple query on the access <br />database  and then it’ll be easy<br />to pull u...
Time to hit the phones…<br />
…right after I check Facebook<br />
…and maybe YouTube<br />
OK, now it’s really<br />time to hit the phones…<br />
HELLO!<br />This is Matt Haney <br />calling from WorldAPP<br />what do we have to do to get you in a survey software pack...
After about 10 minutes<br />
Hey Matt, I need you to hop on a call real quick.  This woman says she’s got a huge project.<br />
So we’re looking to switch from a tool called Monkey Survey and go to an Enterprise tool that’s integrated with everything...
Matt talks to Cal and he says…<br />
Of course we can do it!<br />Olga, let’s spend this before Oleg finds out about it<br />
Ah shit…what have I done.<br />Zag is gonna kill me…<br />
Matt asks Zag to join a 2 am meeting to scope the solution<br />
I wonder if anyone would suspect me if Matt suddenly disappeared…<br />
Zag tries to figure out how he’s going to tell Nikinov what we’ve agreed to do…<br />
He decides to let Stan do it…<br />
Кял и Мэтт пообещали клиенту, что мы сможем перестроить мироздание. Бесплатно. Начинаем через пять минут. У Вас есть уника...
…<br />
Слушай, Игорь, - випей пива. И тебя попустит.<br />
…<br />
Конечно мы это можем сделать. Mы можем сделать все. Особенно невозможное!<br />
Everybody celebrates the crazy<br />decision that was made…<br />
Itchy Bum<br />
Hey, some people just celebrate differently, OK?<br />
Ok, now back to work…<br />Next is a meeting with Cal <br />to discuss the vision<br />
Ok, so there’s an army getting the slowest soldier over the hill and then there’s 23 P’s.  Oh and don’t forget the war of ...
Actually Cal, I think it’s pretty simple.  <br />“We Sell Service”<br />See? <br />
I don’t know Stan,<br />From the looks of it we are getting paid to sell subscriptions, credits and features<br />
Hi guys, may I borrow Matt for a quick discussion over lunch?<br />
Matt and Olga Y. walk downstairs and Olga starts to explain<br />
“……………………………………………………………………………”<br />
Olga tells Matt that Marriott Vacation Club launched to their top members today and when they did so, instead of getting a...
AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!<br />Thankfully I know just what to do…<br />
So Matt called in his reinforcements<br />
Okay!<br />We’re in position!<br />
Oh, um actually – pretty much it was  just miscommunicated <br />There’s nothing wrong with the MVCI account at all.<br />...
Hey, can we get Liam to haul Olga over to stop the civil war that’s about to go down?<br />
Sure thing mate!<br />Bollucks!  This fiddly, mangy git! <br />Sod off you wonky sack of cack.<br />Fish and chips.<br />
We’re coming lads!<br />Although, I don’t know to what end<br />The US is painfully superior to the UK so I’m not sure wha...
Wait! Guys!  <br />It was just a miscommunication<br />There was an email sent in Arabic from someone’s personal account o...
Thankfully Olga was able to reach the team before the fighting began<br />
You know, I bet we could have avoided all of this if we had a stricter HR policy on sexual harassment and enforced a busin...
Just remember guys:<br />as long as I’m in charge, this business is to be taken very, very seriously.<br />Again, referenc...
Guys!<br />
Hey - !<br />
…<br />
You too!?<br />
That’s fine, I’ll just double down on the serious.<br />Look at that tie clip!  You cannot resist us!<br />
OK, OK<br />Let’s just have fun instead<br /><br />
C Днем Рожденья, WorldAPP! Нам 8 лет.<br />
Happy<br />8th<br />Birthday<br />WorldAPP!<br />
My First<br />Cold Call<br />With Love,<br />Matty H<br />
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in …5
×

Happy 8th Birthday WorldAPP - Love Matty H

954 views
780 views

Published on

0 Comments
0 Likes
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Views
Total views
954
On SlideShare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
3
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
11
Comments
0
Likes
0
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide
  • Why the hell isn’t anybody here? Nobody works in this place!
  • Somebody save us all…
  • Ok, enough BS. Let’s just get the facts so I can throw them away and pretend like we’re going to make $10 this month. Nate, how much can you commit to?
  • Happy 8th Birthday WorldAPP - Love Matty H

    1. 1. A Day in <br />the Life of <br />Matt Haney at WorldAPP<br />
    2. 2. Matt gets to the office and is surprised<br />to find he is the only one there…<br />
    3. 3. Where the hell is everyone? Doesn’t <br />anybody else work<br />in this place?!?<br />4:30 AM<br />
    4. 4. A few hours later…<br />
    5. 5. Management <br />Meeting<br />Oh for crying out loud!<br />I forgot, that’s how we do things around here… <br />You know, when I was at Fidelity…<br />
    6. 6. I need to figure out how to delegate this meeting…<br />
    7. 7. What we need is a proper PBX system and to use Microsoft Project<br />
    8. 8. Somebody save<br />me please…<br />
    9. 9. Matt drinks about 12 cups of coffee <br />and heads in for the Sales Meeting…<br />
    10. 10. Sales <br />Meeting<br />Guys– why didn’t you call any of your leads yet today? <br />Don’t you know we pay $450,000 for every student we put on your desk?!<br />
    11. 11. Whoah,whoah Cal – calm down big fella. <br />The Celtics have been playing all month and besides, the leads are weak…<br />
    12. 12. The leads are weak?!?!?!?! <br />
    13. 13. Actually Cal I haven’t slept all week and I made 6,457 calls. Granted I called the same 3 people but I just got off the best call I’ve ever had…<br />…the best call…<br />
    14. 14. Wait, I know how to<br />get $10,000,000 in<br />revenue per day….<br />I’m an MBA!!!!<br />
    15. 15. Listen guys, this is no time to be joking around. <br />The dashboard is down and…just look at how serious I am with these glasses ok?<br />
    16. 16. Guys Olga’s right – this is serious. <br />I’m firing everyone tomorrow.<br />But in case I don’t, Nate how much can you get this month?<br />
    17. 17. Nate?<br />Hulllooooooo?<br />
    18. 18. …all we need to do is just set up a <br />simple query on the access <br />database and then it’ll be easy<br />to pull using a quick JavaScript…<br />ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…<br />
    19. 19. Time to hit the phones…<br />
    20. 20. …right after I check Facebook<br />
    21. 21. …and maybe YouTube<br />
    22. 22. OK, now it’s really<br />time to hit the phones…<br />
    23. 23. HELLO!<br />This is Matt Haney <br />calling from WorldAPP<br />what do we have to do to get you in a survey software package today?!?!?!<br />
    24. 24. After about 10 minutes<br />
    25. 25. Hey Matt, I need you to hop on a call real quick. This woman says she’s got a huge project.<br />
    26. 26. So we’re looking to switch from a tool called Monkey Survey and go to an Enterprise tool that’s integrated with everything we have and it needs to run on a custom database that my dad built. Also it should automatically know when I want to launch surveys and predict the weather<br />Oh and we don’t want to pay more than we already do<br />And we need it tomorrow<br />
    27. 27. Matt talks to Cal and he says…<br />
    28. 28. Of course we can do it!<br />Olga, let’s spend this before Oleg finds out about it<br />
    29. 29. Ah shit…what have I done.<br />Zag is gonna kill me…<br />
    30. 30. Matt asks Zag to join a 2 am meeting to scope the solution<br />
    31. 31. I wonder if anyone would suspect me if Matt suddenly disappeared…<br />
    32. 32. Zag tries to figure out how he’s going to tell Nikinov what we’ve agreed to do…<br />
    33. 33. He decides to let Stan do it…<br />
    34. 34. Кял и Мэтт пообещали клиенту, что мы сможем перестроить мироздание. Бесплатно. Начинаем через пять минут. У Вас есть уникальная возможность поработать 24/7 до завершения проекта. <br />Поздравляем !<br />
    35. 35. …<br />
    36. 36. Слушай, Игорь, - випей пива. И тебя попустит.<br />
    37. 37. …<br />
    38. 38. Конечно мы это можем сделать. Mы можем сделать все. Особенно невозможное!<br />
    39. 39. Everybody celebrates the crazy<br />decision that was made…<br />
    40. 40.
    41. 41.
    42. 42.
    43. 43.
    44. 44.
    45. 45.
    46. 46.
    47. 47. Itchy Bum<br />
    48. 48.
    49. 49.
    50. 50. Hey, some people just celebrate differently, OK?<br />
    51. 51. Ok, now back to work…<br />Next is a meeting with Cal <br />to discuss the vision<br />
    52. 52. Ok, so there’s an army getting the slowest soldier over the hill and then there’s 23 P’s. Oh and don’t forget the war of pixels which reminds me…<br />
    53. 53. Actually Cal, I think it’s pretty simple. <br />“We Sell Service”<br />See? <br />
    54. 54. I don’t know Stan,<br />From the looks of it we are getting paid to sell subscriptions, credits and features<br />
    55. 55. Hi guys, may I borrow Matt for a quick discussion over lunch?<br />
    56. 56. Matt and Olga Y. walk downstairs and Olga starts to explain<br />
    57. 57. “……………………………………………………………………………”<br />
    58. 58. Olga tells Matt that Marriott Vacation Club launched to their top members today and when they did so, instead of getting a link to their survey, they received a link to a naked picture of Obie.<br />Also, all the responses from the last 2 years were deleted. Amazingly, the bug somehow also migrated to their legacy system and deleted the previous 10 years responses as well<br />…and it blew up the client’s cars<br />
    59. 59. AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!<br />Thankfully I know just what to do…<br />
    60. 60. So Matt called in his reinforcements<br />
    61. 61.
    62. 62.
    63. 63.
    64. 64.
    65. 65. Okay!<br />We’re in position!<br />
    66. 66. Oh, um actually – pretty much it was just miscommunicated <br />There’s nothing wrong with the MVCI account at all.<br />In fact, we built them a plugin to win the lottery every day<br />
    67. 67. Hey, can we get Liam to haul Olga over to stop the civil war that’s about to go down?<br />
    68. 68. Sure thing mate!<br />Bollucks! This fiddly, mangy git! <br />Sod off you wonky sack of cack.<br />Fish and chips.<br />
    69. 69. We’re coming lads!<br />Although, I don’t know to what end<br />The US is painfully superior to the UK so I’m not sure what we’ll be able to do.<br />Tea and Crumpets<br />
    70. 70. Wait! Guys! <br />It was just a miscommunication<br />There was an email sent in Arabic from someone’s personal account on Sunday regarding this to the noonegetsthis@worldapp.com<br />email address<br />
    71. 71. Thankfully Olga was able to reach the team before the fighting began<br />
    72. 72. You know, I bet we could have avoided all of this if we had a stricter HR policy on sexual harassment and enforced a business formal dress code… <br />
    73. 73. Just remember guys:<br />as long as I’m in charge, this business is to be taken very, very seriously.<br />Again, reference the glasses if you forget<br />
    74. 74. Guys!<br />
    75. 75. Hey - !<br />
    76. 76. …<br />
    77. 77. You too!?<br />
    78. 78. That’s fine, I’ll just double down on the serious.<br />Look at that tie clip! You cannot resist us!<br />
    79. 79.
    80. 80.
    81. 81.
    82. 82.
    83. 83.
    84. 84.
    85. 85. OK, OK<br />Let’s just have fun instead<br /><br />
    86. 86. C Днем Рожденья, WorldAPP! Нам 8 лет.<br />
    87. 87. Happy<br />8th<br />Birthday<br />WorldAPP!<br />
    88. 88. My First<br />Cold Call<br />With Love,<br />Matty H<br />

    ×