Rain City Rock Camp Girl Conflict and Bullying Workshop

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90 Minute session delivered to 5-8 grade students. What is conflict? How can you address it in a healthy way? What is bullying, and how is it different than conflict? How can you stop bullying?

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Rain City Rock Camp Girl Conflict and Bullying Workshop

  1. 1. Conflict Happens Rain City Rock Camp Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  2. 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  3. 3. Working Definition of Conflict • A clash between two individuals or groups • A disagreement or argument about something important • Others? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  4. 4. How do Boys and Girls Act in Conflict? • Turn to a neighbor and talk about how you know when a boy is having a conflict. • Talk about how you know when a girl is having a conflict. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  5. 5. Why the Difference? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  6. 6. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  7. 7. Brash Troublemaker Strong Competitive Physical Silent Clever Mistake-Prone Belligerent Intuitive Well-Behaved Delicate Cooperative Emotional Verbal Pretty Perfect Nice Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  8. 8. Friends and Frienemies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  9. 9. Working Definition of Frenemies • One who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy (Merriam Webster) • A friend who often behaves in ways that cut you down or make you feel bad • Others? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  10. 10. What are the Differences? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  11. 11. Why Keep Them Around? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  12. 12. Sound Familiar? • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. • They’re my connection to other friends. • My other friends won’t support me. • When they’re not being awful, they’re actually awesome, fun, and nice. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  13. 13. Why Women Say They’d Rather Stay in an Abusive Relationship • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make him treat me this way. • He’s my source of income, home, and support for our kids. • My family and friends tell me I should stay and work it out. • When he’s not being awful, he’s kind, nurturing, and wonderful. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  14. 14. Are We Training Ourselves? • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make him treat me this way. • He’s my source of income, home, and support for our kids. • My family and friends tell me I should stay and work it out. • When he’s not being awful, he’s kind, nurturing, and wonderful. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. • I don’t want to make it worse. • Maybe I am doing something to make them treat me this way. • They’re my connection to other friends. • My other friends won’t support me. • When they’re not being awful, they’re actually awesome, fun, and nice. • I don’t want to be alone. • There’s nothing I can do about it. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  15. 15. How are “Good Girls” supposed to act in a conflict? Remember Girls and Conflict Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  16. 16. Alternative Aggression • Relational Aggression • Indirect Aggression • Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  17. 17. Relational Aggression is when your words/actions hurt relationships (or threaten to hurt relationships) or make someone feel not included or accepted. Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  18. 18. Indirect Aggression is when your words/actions hurt someone through rumors or other indirect ways hurt and/or you say you didn’t mean it. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  19. 19. Social Aggression Social Aggression is when your words/actions make someone feel bad about themselves or feel like they’re less popular in a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  20. 20. Alternative Aggression Hurts Everyone • Targets • Agents • Bystanders Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  21. 21. What CAN You Do? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  22. 22. D.E.A.R. Conflict Resolution Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  23. 23. AIMS Conflict Problem Solving Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  24. 24. Words of Caution • Pushing Behavior • Outside Feelings vs Inside Feelings • Threatening with Relationships • False Intentions • Fake Apologies Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  25. 25. Practice Makes Less-Heart-Attack-Inducing! Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  26. 26. When It’s Bullying • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and Sustained • Social Bullying • Indirect Bullying • Relational Bullying Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  27. 27. Bullying Intervention • Know when it is bullying • Stand up for yourself • Ask them to stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  28. 28. Ally Skills • Don’t bully • Speak up when someone else is being bullied • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions to clarify and to educate • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  29. 29. Debrief • What information was new, useful, or interesting to you? • What other questions do you have? Who in your life can help you figure out the answers? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  30. 30. “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” Anna Quindlan Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  31. 31. Questions, Comments, Concer ns? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  32. 32. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  33. 33. Resources • Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003 • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on theory of mind and power. • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=144307&sn.Ite mNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  34. 34. Gender Specific Resources • JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters, How Girls Thrive • Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America. • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.” • Northwest Girls Coalition, Protective Factors for Middle School Girls - What can Parents Do? • The Ophelia Project http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm • Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls • Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out, Curse of the Good Girl, http://www.rachelsimmons.com/ • Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003. • Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, http://rosalindwiseman.com/ • Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, Promiscuities Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

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