French Immersion School of Washington
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Beyond Sticks and Stones:
Helping Youth ...
About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Agenda
• Conflict versus Bullying
• Gender, Bias, Conflict, and Bullying
• Alternative Aggression
• What Can We Do?
• Ques...
Definition of Conflict
• A clash between two
individuals or groups
• A disagreement or
argument about
something important
...
When It’s Bullying
• Power is uneven
• Intent to harm
• Repeated and
sustained
• Efforts to hide from
adults
• Advocacy no...
Types of Bullying Behavior:
and common characteristics of their perpetrators
• Traditional Bullying
• Clueless Bullying
• ...
Common Characteristics or Behaviors of
Youth Who Are Bullied
• They are more sensitive, unhappy, cautious,
anxious, quiet ...
Gender Differences
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Brash
Troublemaker
Strong
Competitive
Physical
Silent
Clever
Mistake-Prone
Belligerent
Intuitive
Well-Behaved
Delicate
Coo...
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Special Considerations for Girls
Sexy --- Slutty
Powerful --- Bitchy
Smart --- Bookish
Cheerful --- Uncool
Confident --- “...
Special Considerations for Boys
Do Not Be Weak.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Be so, and you will be l...
Gender, Bias, Conflict, and
Bullying
• Source of Power
• Worst Labels
• Who Bullies?
• Who is Bullied?
• Social Collective...
Alternative Aggression
• Relational Aggression
• Indirect Aggression
• Social Aggression
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tin...
Relational Aggression includes acts that
“harm others through damage (or the
threat of damage) to relationships or
feeling...
Indirect Aggression allows the
perpetrator to avoid confronting the
target directly, making it seem as
though there is no ...
Social Aggression
Social Aggression is intended
to damage self esteem or social
status within a group.
Rosetta Eun Ryong L...
Process Break
How are the young people in
your lives experiencing
conflict and bullying? What
are the greatest pressures
f...
So What? Now What?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Distinguish Conflict and Bullying
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
When It’s Conflict…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
D.E.A.R.
Conflict Resolution
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
AIMS Conflict
Problem Solving
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
When It’s Bullying…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Bullying Intervention
• Know when it is
bullying
• Stand up for
yourself
• Ask them to stop
the behavior
• Seek healthy
su...
Empowering the Bystander
Many bullying programs center around
agents and targets. Why not address
the 60-70% who are bysta...
Ally Skills
• Don’t bully
• Speak up when someone else is being bullied
• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that
a...
Advice for Schools
The Four Ps
• Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that
enumerates sources of bias and that in...
Starting Upstream…
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
What Can We Do for Girls?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Teach the difference
between self-sacrificing and
good.
• Talk about or ...
What Can We Do for Boys?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Teach the difference
between strong and
tough.
• Talk about feelings and
...
What Can We Do for All?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
• Help them develop strong interaction and social skills.
• Encourage and he...
Teach Media Literacy
• Choose media FOR youth whenever possible.
• Engage in media WITH youth.
• Teach critical thinking s...
Teach Digital Citizenship
• No Digital Conflicts!
• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?
• The Headline Test – ...
Undoing Systemic Problems
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Questions and Comments
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Resources
• Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,”
Learning and the Brain Conference, Camb...
Gender Specific Resources
• The Boy Game, short film and interactive website.
• JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Ra...
More Resources
• “101 Ways to Combat Prejudice.” Anti-Defamation League
http://www.adl.org/prejudice/default.asp
• Beatbul...
Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Str...
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French Immersion School Sticks and Stones 2014

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2 Hour Session delivered to parents, guardians, and teachers at French Immersion School of Washington. With the heightened awareness of bullying in today's world, it's hard to know how to support our children. What is the difference between everyday conflict and bullying? How do boys and girls experience aggression differently? How do identifiers like sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ability, and socioeconomic status affect aggression? Learn about different types of aggression and practical tools in responding to conflicts and bullying.

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French Immersion School Sticks and Stones 2014

  1. 1. French Immersion School of Washington Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Beyond Sticks and Stones: Helping Youth Navigate Conflict and Bullying Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  2. 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  3. 3. Agenda • Conflict versus Bullying • Gender, Bias, Conflict, and Bullying • Alternative Aggression • What Can We Do? • Questions • Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  4. 4. Definition of Conflict • A clash between two individuals or groups • A disagreement or argument about something important • Etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  5. 5. When It’s Bullying • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and sustained • Efforts to hide from adults • Advocacy not changing behaviors Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  6. 6. Types of Bullying Behavior: and common characteristics of their perpetrators • Traditional Bullying • Clueless Bullying • Bully-Victim Alternation • Popular Bullying • Being a “Facebook Thug” The agent generally has less empathy, patience, caring, and forgiveness for others. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  7. 7. Common Characteristics or Behaviors of Youth Who Are Bullied • They are more sensitive, unhappy, cautious, anxious, quiet and withdrawn than other youth. • They are generally insecure and non-assertive, and react by withdrawing when targeted by other students (rather than retaliating or asserting). • They exhibit sudden change in behaviors: aggression, showing signs of depression, not eating, cutting, letting themselves go, losing interest in favorite things, quitting teams, etc. • They may be embarrassed to admit being bullied. • They may blame themselves or feel guilty. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  8. 8. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  9. 9. Brash Troublemaker Strong Competitive Physical Silent Clever Mistake-Prone Belligerent Intuitive Well-Behaved Delicate Cooperative Emotional Verbal Pretty Perfect Nice Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  10. 10. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  11. 11. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  12. 12. Special Considerations for Girls Sexy --- Slutty Powerful --- Bitchy Smart --- Bookish Cheerful --- Uncool Confident --- “All That” Athletic --- Jocky Close to Friends --- Lesbian Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  13. 13. Special Considerations for Boys Do Not Be Weak. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Be so, and you will be likened to a girl or you will be called gay.
  14. 14. Gender, Bias, Conflict, and Bullying • Source of Power • Worst Labels • Who Bullies? • Who is Bullied? • Social Collective • Abuse and Aggression • Outliers of Victims • Signs of Cry Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  15. 15. Alternative Aggression • Relational Aggression • Indirect Aggression • Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  16. 16. Relational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Relational Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  17. 17. Indirect Aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Indirect Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  18. 18. Social Aggression Social Aggression is intended to damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  19. 19. Process Break How are the young people in your lives experiencing conflict and bullying? What are the greatest pressures facing them? What have you tried so far to teach them about conflict and bullying? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  20. 20. So What? Now What? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  21. 21. Distinguish Conflict and Bullying Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  22. 22. When It’s Conflict… Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  23. 23. D.E.A.R. Conflict Resolution Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  24. 24. AIMS Conflict Problem Solving Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  25. 25. When It’s Bullying… Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  26. 26. Bullying Intervention • Know when it is bullying • Stand up for yourself • Ask them to stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  27. 27. Empowering the Bystander Many bullying programs center around agents and targets. Why not address the 60-70% who are bystanders? • Keeps the focus away from blaming the targets or agents. • Cover backstage spaces where only kids are allowed. • Create a mass of empowered allies and shift the balance of power • Create a new path of least resistance. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  28. 28. Ally Skills • Don’t bully • Speak up when someone else is being bullied • Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent • Ask questions to clarify and to educate • Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted • Actively include those who are easily left out • If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home • Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  29. 29. Advice for Schools The Four Ps • Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that enumerates sources of bias and that includes alternative aggression. • Programming - Training for teachers and staff on bullying and bias. Support for teachers and staff in acting to combat bullying and bias. Self-esteem and conflict management programs for students. • Practice - Consistent and meaningful follow-through in dealing with acts of bullying and bias. Coverage of unsupervised spaces where bullying occurs most. • PEOPLE - Critical mass of people who are supportive AND active on all levels. EMPOWER THE BYSTANDERS! Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  30. 30. Starting Upstream… Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  31. 31. What Can We Do for Girls? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • Teach the difference between self-sacrificing and good. • Talk about or compliment something besides her looks. • Value the quality of her relationships, not the quantity. • Give her access to diverse women mentors. • Role-Play difficult conversations with her. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  32. 32. What Can We Do for Boys? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • Teach the difference between strong and tough. • Talk about feelings and relationships. • Make it okay to be vulnerable. • Give him access to diverse male mentors. • Help him understand societal homophobia. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  33. 33. What Can We Do for All? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee • Help them develop strong interaction and social skills. • Encourage and help them to make informed choices. • Provide sanctuary, sounding board, and support. • Teach about all forms of diversity and inclusion. • Give them healthy outlets for their feelings. • Respect and nurture their true selves. • Be a listener, not a fixer. • Share your stories. • Affirm your kids. • Model the way. • Stay Involved. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  34. 34. Teach Media Literacy • Choose media FOR youth whenever possible. • Engage in media WITH youth. • Teach critical thinking skills analyzing media. • Pay attention to the media they engage in. • Talk to parents and guardians about teaching media literacy. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  35. 35. Teach Digital Citizenship • No Digital Conflicts! • The Face Test – would you say it to their face? • The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast? • The Digital Self – are you the same person online? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  36. 36. Undoing Systemic Problems Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  37. 37. Questions and Comments Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  38. 38. Resources • Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003 • Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion • Emily Bazelon, Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy. • “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf • Joe Feagin, “The Two Faced Racism.” White Privilege Conference. Springfield, MA. April 2008. • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference. • Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html • Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14430 7&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  39. 39. Gender Specific Resources • The Boy Game, short film and interactive website. • JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters • Jackson Katz, Tough Guise • Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America. • John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.” • Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls • Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out, Odd Girl Speaks Out. • Michael Thompson, Raising Cain. • Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence • Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, Promiscuities. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  40. 40. More Resources • “101 Ways to Combat Prejudice.” Anti-Defamation League http://www.adl.org/prejudice/default.asp • Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf • Hafner, Lauren. “Bullying Report: How are Washington State Schools Doing?” Safe Schools Coalition. December 2003 http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/bullyreport/bullyreport12- 03.html • “House Bill Report - SHB 1444, Washington State” Bully Police USA http://www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html • “Ten Ways to Fight Hate.” Teaching Tolerance http://www.tolerance.org/10_ways/index.html • “Washington State School Safety Center.” Office of Superintendant of Public Education http://www.k12.wa.us/SafetyCenter/HarassmentBullying/default .aspx Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  41. 41. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

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