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Beyond Sticks and Stones:Understanding, Preventing, and Addressing Bullying        Brookside Elementary School            ...
About Seattle Girls’ School   Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Agenda•   Cycles of Bullying and Bias•   Gender, Bias, and Bullying•   Conflict versus Bullying•   Shared Language, Shared...
Bullying and Bias               Repeating CyclesRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender and Gender BiasRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender DifferencesRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender BiasBrash                                                  IntuitiveTroublemaker                                   ...
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Gender, Bias, and Bullying• Source of Power• Worst Labels• Who Bullies?• Who is Bullied?• Social Collective• Abuse and Agg...
Alternative Aggression• Relational Aggression• Indirect Aggression• Social Aggression      Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://t...
Relational AggressionRelational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to rel...
Indirect Aggression   Indirect Aggression allows theperpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem a...
Social Aggression Social Aggression is intendedto damage self esteem or social     status within a group.   Rosetta Eun Ry...
It’s Too Big… Why Even Try?  • Health and Safety  • Psychological Pain  • Academic Risk  • Explosive Release  • Long-Term ...
Process Break                   How are your kids             experiencing bullying? What               are the greatest p...
So What? Now What? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Definition of Conflict• A clash between two  individuals or groups• A disagreement or  argument about  something important...
When It’s Bullying                       • Power is uneven                       • Intent to harm                       • ...
Bullying:Common Characteristics of Kids Who Bully• Their friends do what they want them to do.• They aren’t intimidated by...
Bullying:       Common Characteristics of Kids            Who Are Bullied• They are moresensitive, unhappy, cautious, anxi...
Advice for Parents:               DON’T•   Think “this is my fault.”•   Belittle the problem.•   Over-empathize.•   Tell t...
Shared Language, Shared Goals     Target of Bullying     Agent of Bullying         Bystander            Ally  Path of Leas...
What Can We Do for Girls?  • Teach the difference    between self-sacrificing and    good.  • Talk about or compliment    ...
What Can We Do for Boys?                                   • Teach the difference                                     betw...
What Can Parents Do for All?     • Help them develop strong interaction and social skills.       • Provide opportunity/acc...
Bullying Intervention                          • Know when it is                            bullying                      ...
Empowering the Bystander    Many bullying programs center around      agents and targets. Why not address         the 60-7...
Ally Skills• Don’t bully• Speak up when someone else is being bullied• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that  ass...
Process Break             What information did you find              useful or interesting today?             What other q...
Teach Media Literacy• Choose media FOR youth whenever possible.• Engage in media WITH youth.• Teach them your values.• Gui...
Teach Digital Citizenship• No Digital Conflicts!• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?• The Headline Test – wou...
Advice for Schools                        The Four Ps• Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that     enumerates s...
Undoing Systemic Problems    Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Questions and Comments   Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Resources•   Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the    Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, ...
More Resources• “101 Ways to Combat Prejudice.” Anti-Defamation League  http://www.adl.org/prejudice/default.asp• Beatbull...
Gender Specific Resources•   JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and    Courageous Daughters•   Pooj...
Presenter Information       Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee       6th Faculty and       Professional Outreach       Seattle Girls’ S...
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Brookside Elementary Bullying for Parents

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90 minute session delivered to parents of Brookside Elementary School. Bullying affects all children, whether they are perpetrating, receiving, or standing by bullying. Why do kids bully? How do boys and girls experience bullying differently? How does bullying occur along identifiers like sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ability, and socioeconomic status? Learn about different types of bullying, warning signs, and practical tools for youth, parents, and educators in responding to conflicts and bullying.

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  • When it's time of the year to go back to school, many kids dread ending the freedom and summertime activities. While these feelings are common for most kids, some don't look forward to going back to school because they are teased and harassed by bullies.As parents, we may not always know when a bully strikes our innocent kids. And sometimes, they might just keep their mouth shut about what happened, or they may even ask for help but nobody would bother for the reason that the bully might include him or her on his list.As a way of helping everyone especially the parents, who find it quite hard to manage time, I found this great Safety Service which featured a safety app which gets me connected to a Safety Network or escalate my call to the nearest 911 when needed, it has other cool features that are helpful for your kids with just a press of a Panic Button. #SafekidZone, Check it here: http://bit.ly/ZjYchC
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Transcript of "Brookside Elementary Bullying for Parents"

  1. 1. Beyond Sticks and Stones:Understanding, Preventing, and Addressing Bullying Brookside Elementary School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  2. 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  3. 3. Agenda• Cycles of Bullying and Bias• Gender, Bias, and Bullying• Conflict versus Bullying• Shared Language, Shared Goals• Empowering the Bystander• Advice for Parents• Questions• Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  4. 4. Bullying and Bias Repeating CyclesRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  5. 5. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  6. 6. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  7. 7. Gender and Gender BiasRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  8. 8. Gender DifferencesRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  9. 9. Gender BiasBrash IntuitiveTroublemaker Well-BehavedStrong DelicateCompetitive CooperativePhysical EmotionalSilent VerbalClever PrettyMistake-Prone PerfectBelligerent Nice Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  10. 10. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  11. 11. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  12. 12. Gender, Bias, and Bullying• Source of Power• Worst Labels• Who Bullies?• Who is Bullied?• Social Collective• Abuse and Aggression• Outliers of Victims• Signs of Cry Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  13. 13. Alternative Aggression• Relational Aggression• Indirect Aggression• Social Aggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  14. 14. Relational AggressionRelational Aggression includes acts that “harm others through damage (or the threat of damage) to relationships or feelings of acceptance, friendship, or group inclusion.” Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  15. 15. Indirect Aggression Indirect Aggression allows theperpetrator to avoid confronting the target directly, making it seem as though there is no intent to harm. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  16. 16. Social Aggression Social Aggression is intendedto damage self esteem or social status within a group. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  17. 17. It’s Too Big… Why Even Try? • Health and Safety • Psychological Pain • Academic Risk • Explosive Release • Long-Term Scars Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  18. 18. Process Break How are your kids experiencing bullying? What are the greatest pressures facing your kids? What have you tried so far to talk to your kids about bullying?Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  19. 19. So What? Now What? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  20. 20. Definition of Conflict• A clash between two individuals or groups• A disagreement or argument about something important• Etc. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  21. 21. When It’s Bullying • Power is uneven • Intent to harm • Repeated and sustained • Efforts to hide from adults • Advocacy not changing behaviorsRosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  22. 22. Bullying:Common Characteristics of Kids Who Bully• Their friends do what they want them to do.• They aren’t intimidated by other kids.• Their complaints about other kids are limited tothe lame things they did or said.• They are often charming to adults.• They won’t (or are very reluctant to) takeresponsibility when they hurt someone’s feelings.• If they think they’ve been wronged, they feel theyhave the right to seek revenge. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  23. 23. Bullying: Common Characteristics of Kids Who Are Bullied• They are moresensitive, unhappy, cautious, anxious, quiet andwithdrawn than other youth.• They are generally insecure and non-assertive, andreact by withdrawing when targeted by other students(rather than retaliating or asserting).• They exhibit sudden change in behaviors: showingsigns of depression, not eating, cutting, lettingthemselves go, losing interest in favoritethings, quitting teams, etc.• They may be embarrassed to admit being bullied.They may blameEun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta themselves or feel guilty.
  24. 24. Advice for Parents: DON’T• Think “this is my fault.”• Belittle the problem.• Over-empathize.• Tell them what to do.• Become the Fix-It Parent.• Blame the bully OR the victim.• Tell them that being nice and kind will always lead to friends and popularity. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  25. 25. Shared Language, Shared Goals Target of Bullying Agent of Bullying Bystander Ally Path of Least Resistance Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  26. 26. What Can We Do for Girls? • Teach the difference between self-sacrificing and good. • Talk about or compliment something besides her looks. • Value the quality of her relationships, not the quantity. • Give her access to diverse women mentors. • Role-Play difficult conversations with her.Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta
  27. 27. What Can We Do for Boys? • Teach the difference between strong and tough. • Talk about feelings and relationships. • Make it okay to be vulnerable. • Give him access to diverse male mentors. • Help him understand societal homophobia.Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta
  28. 28. What Can Parents Do for All? • Help them develop strong interaction and social skills. • Provide opportunity/access to kids outside of school. • Encourage and help them to make informed choices. • Provide sanctuary, sounding board, and support. • Teach about all forms of diversity and inclusion. • Give them healthy outlets for their feelings. • Respect and nurture their true selves. • Try Teeter-Totter Parenting. • Be a listener, not a fixer. • Share your stories. • Affirm your kids. • Model the way. • Stay Involved.Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Rosetta
  29. 29. Bullying Intervention • Know when it is bullying • Stand up for yourself • Ask them to stop the behavior • Seek healthy support • Tell an adult Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  30. 30. Empowering the Bystander Many bullying programs center around agents and targets. Why not address the 60-70% who are bystanders?• Keeps the focus away from blaming the targets or agents.• Cover backstage spaces where only kids are allowed.• Create a mass of empowered allies and shift the balance of power• Create a new path of least resistance. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  31. 31. Ally Skills• Don’t bully• Speak up when someone else is being bullied• Assume positive intentions, but don’t let that assumption make you silent• Ask questions to clarify and to educate• Don’t make the person who is bullying into someone who is getting targeted• Actively include those who are easily left out• If you know someone is getting bullied, tell an adult at school or at home• Keep the climate healthy Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  32. 32. Process Break What information did you find useful or interesting today? What other questions do you have? How can you work with other parents and guardians to help create an inclusive climate?Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  33. 33. Teach Media Literacy• Choose media FOR youth whenever possible.• Engage in media WITH youth.• Teach them your values.• Guide how they spend their money.• Get to know their friends and the media they engage in.• Talk to other parents/guardians about media literacy. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  34. 34. Teach Digital Citizenship• No Digital Conflicts!• The Face Test – would you say it to their face?• The Headline Test – would you want it broadcast?• The Digital Self – are you the same person online? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  35. 35. Advice for Schools The Four Ps• Policy - A comprehensive anti-bullying policy that enumerates sources of bias and that includes alternative aggression.• Programming - Training for teachers and staff on bullying and bias. Support for teachers and staff in acting to combat bullying and bias. Self-esteem and conflict management programs for students.• Practice - Consistent and meaningful follow-through in dealing with acts of bullying and bias. Coverage of unsupervised spaces where bullying occurs most.• PEOPLE - Critical mass of people who are supportive AND active on all levels. EMPOWER THE BYSTANDERS! Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  36. 36. Undoing Systemic Problems Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  37. 37. Questions and Comments Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  38. 38. Resources• Joshua M. Aronson, Ph.D., “Improving Achievement & Narrowing the Gap,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003• Roy Baumeister, Case Western Reserve University, Various Social Psychology Experiments on the Effects of Social Exclusion• “Cycle of Bullying,” North Central Educational Service District, http://www.ncesd.org/safe_civil/docs/resources/cycle_of_bullying.pdf• Joe Feagin, “The Two Faced Racism.” White Privilege Conference. Springfield, MA. April 2008.• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) www.glsen.org• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference.• Tara Kuther, “Understanding Bullying,” PTA.org, http://www.pta.org/pr_magazine_article_details_1117637268750.html• Michael Thompson & Kathy Schultz, “The Psychological Experiences of Students of Color,” Independent School Magazine, http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?Itemnumber=14 4307&sn.ItemNumber=145956&tn.ItemNumber=145958 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  39. 39. More Resources• “101 Ways to Combat Prejudice.” Anti-Defamation League http://www.adl.org/prejudice/default.asp• Beatbullying Toolkit for Teachers, http://www.beatbullying.org/images/teachers.pdf• Hafner, Lauren. “Bullying Report: How are Washington State Schools Doing?” Safe Schools Coalition. December 2003 http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/bullyreport/bullyreport12- 03.html• “House Bill Report - SHB 1444, Washington State” Bully Police USA http://www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html• “Ten Ways to Fight Hate.” Teaching Tolerance http://www.tolerance.org/10_ways/index.html• “Washington State School Safety Center.” Office of Superintendant of Public Education http://www.k12.wa.us/SafetyCenter/HarassmentBullying/default .aspx Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  40. 40. Gender Specific Resources• JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters• Pooja Makhijani, Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America.• John Medina, Talaris Research Institute, various studies on early gender differences in competition and play and “Love Lab.”• Mary Pipher, Ph.D., Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls• Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out.• Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Speaks Out.• Harriet R. Tenenbaum, “Gender Achievement Motivation,” Learning and the Brain Conference, Cambridge, MA, November 2003.• Rosalind Wiseman, Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence• Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth.• Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  41. 41. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

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