Chapter 16 the dating game
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  • 2. What is dating? Date: a social meeting between two or more people. During adolescence, people become more aware of members of the opposite sex. Teens want members of the opposite sex to find them attractive and likeable. A date may be spent watching TV or dancing the night away. The activity rarely matters as much as the people who share it.
  • 3. Back in the old days… When your great-grandparents were young, only young men called for dates. Dates at the time were special events that were planned well in advance. Today, however, dating is much more relaxed. Most people do not follow formal dating rules. The word date may not even be mentioned when couples make plans.
  • 4. Functions of Dating Dating fulfills two main functions.  It helps you learn how to relate to members of the opposite sex.  It also prepares you for more lasting relationships as an adult. Most people marry at some point in their lives. Few young teens know what type of person to choose for a future spouse. Dating helps them learn what traits they want in a marriage partner.
  • 5. Stages of Dating People tend to go through stages in their dating relationships. In the first stage, people date in groups. In the second stage, they form couples. In the third stage, people tend to date one steady partner at a time.
  • 6. Preparing for Dating Childhood relationships prepare people for dating. Many children have playmates of the opposite sex. Such playmates prepare people to relate to dating partners. People tend to treat their dates the way their parents treat each other. For instance, many children see their parents respond to each other with warmth and respect, these children will likely treat their
  • 7. Stage One: Group Dating Young teens do not always feel comfortable around members of the opposite sex. This is why many young teens begin dating in groups. Group dating is less stressful. A group date may be a planned activity. For example, two or more
  • 8. Stage Two: Early Pairing After some group dating, teens feel more confident around members of the opposite sex. They worry less about what to say and do. They feel secure enough to begin pairing off in couples. This starts the second stage of dating. You are not likely to learn private details about your partner during this stage of dating. A lack of closeness prevents most second-stage relationships from lasting. Partners in this stage enjoy spending time together. However, they don’t feel committed to each other.
  • 9. Stage Three: Steady Dating A bond forms between partners in the third stage of dating. Steady dating partners feel true love and concern for each other. People in this stage focus less on their own needs and are more concerned about meeting needs of their partners. The first two stages of dating prepare you for this last stage. Knowing your needs prepares you to address a partner’s needs in steady dating.
  • 10. Choosing A Dating Partner  A number of factors can affect a person’s choice of dating partners.  You must decide which factors will impact your selection of dating partners.
  • 11. Physical Traits A person’s physical features make the first impression. However, they are not the most important quality in a dating partner. People want to be liked for more than their looks. They want to be noticed for their other strengths, too.
  • 12. Age Parents often have rules about how old their children’s dating partners can be. Therefore, age is a factor for many teens when choosing a partner. Partners who are close in age are likely to have more in common. Young women mature at an earlier age than young men. The gap in maturity narrows as teens near adulthood. In the early teen years, however, young women often prefer partners who are a little older.
  • 13. Personality  Teens are attracted to dating partners who have pleasing personalities.  Many people look for a caring, thoughtful partner or maybe someone who is bright, witty, or outgoing.  You may have heard the phrase “opposites attract.”  It’s true that some people look for traits in a partner they themselves lack.
  • 14. Common Interests andBackground Many teens look for partners with whom they share common interests. Having shared interests gives couples something to discuss. A common background can provide a base for a solid relationship. Background includes culture and home life as well as income and educational levels. When partners have common backgrounds, they can
  • 15. Values and Goals You may not think much about values and goals when you start dating. You may not mind if they don’t have the same career goals as you. As you form closer relationships, however, values and goals will matter more. You may plan to marry when you are older and you will want your marriage partner to agree with you about important issues.
  • 16. Dating Skills  A successful date is a pleasant experience for both people involved.  However, good dates don’t just happen.  They require some social skills that take thought and practice.
  • 17. Being a Thoughtful Partner Dating partners will enjoy being with you more if you are thoughtful, keep your partner’s feelings in mind when you are on a date. Use good manners, remember to say “please” and “thank you”. Keeping your partners budget in mind shows thoughtfulness. Being a thoughtful dating partner also involves being honest. Don’t lead your partner to believe you like him or her more than you really do.
  • 18. Asking for a Date Asking for a date takes a little courage the first few times. Asking will be easier if you plan what you want to say. Plan to explain when and where you’d like to go for a date.
  • 19. Accepting or Refusing A Date When someone asks you for a date, try to respond promptly. Keeping the other person waiting is rude. He or she may need to make other plans if you cannot accept the date. Think of the other person’s feelings when you refuse a date. Remember he or she took a risk when asking you out, if you are not interested in dating that person, politely let him or her know that.
  • 20. Dating Questions  Many teens have the following questions about dating: Am I in love?  Will the relationship last?  What will I do if we stop seeing each other?  Learning more about dating relationships may help answer
  • 21. Infatuation Teen’s feelings for their first dating partners are often called “crushes” or “puppy love”. Infatuation: an intense feeling of admiration. It is often based on physical traits A young woman might have a crush on her friend’s tall, handsome older brother. The phrase “love is blind” refers to infatuation. It means you don’t notice faults when you
  • 22. Love Love: a strong feeling of attachment, warmth, and understanding between two people. Love is less self-centered than infatuation, the feeling is based on more than physical traits. Love is based on a total caring for someone; it touches every part of a couple’s relationship. People who are in love enjoy being together, they have common interests, goals, and values. They talk about their thoughts and feelings and make plans for their future together.
  • 23. Serious Relationships Many teens question how serious they should allow their relationships to become. Dating only one person has a number of advantages: A couple will grow to know each other better and will become more comfortable with each other. Serious dating may also be preparation for a mature committed relationship.
  • 24. Serious Relationships Cont. Commitment: an emotional pledge to date only one person. Many of these couples later choose marriage.
  • 25. Serious Relationships Cont.  Steady relationships also have some disadvantages.  People take their partners for granted.  People may feel they are missing the chance to meet other people.  Partners have trouble staying interested in each other.
  • 26. Serious Relationships Cont. Some couples stay together only for reasons of comfort and security. They may not want to “start over” with another partner. These are not good reasons to stay in a relationship with someone. These people may be keeping themselves and their partners from finding other, more fulfilling relationships.
  • 27. Showing Affection Teens see frequent displays of sexual activity in movies and on television. Some teens say they feel pressure from these forces to have sex. Your decision about having a sexual relationship should not be affected by movie actors or friends. However, it will affect you, your
  • 28. Showing Affection Cont. Your decision about how to show affection will be based partly on your beliefs about right and wrong behavior. Different people have different moral values. Along with your beliefs, you should consider some important facts.  Think about your goals for the future.  Consider how the consequences of sex might block those goals.
  • 29. Showing Affection Cont. Having sex can harm a person’s self-image. Young teens may feel guilty for going against their moral values. They may feel weak for giving in to pressure from a partner. You can care about someone without having sex. Talking with your partner is one of the best ways to show you care.
  • 30. Breaking Up Couples break up for many reasons. Partners may find they do not get along as well as they thought. Sometimes feelings fade and partners drift apart. Mature behavior can make a breakup easier for both partners.
  • 31. Breaking Up Cont. Partners should tell each other in a kind, truthful way why the breakup is desired. This will help both people preserve their self-esteem.
  • 32. Parents and Dating Most parents do not want to be nosy; they just want to be informed. They want to be sure you will be safe. Make a point of introducing your dating partners to your parents. Communicating the details of your dates shows respect for your parents. Because of their concerns, parents may set some rules for dating, talk frankly with your parents.
  • 33. Parents and Dating Cont. Ask your parents to let you help decide what rules are right for you. Knowing your limits in advance will help you avoid problems later. Parents can be a helpful resource in dating. Remember, they have dating experience, try talking to them. They can offer advice and answer your questions about dating.
  • 34. The End!