Clearly conveying and receiving messages to meet the needs of all parties involved.
Lack of skills
Leadership and Effective Communication
Pretend to listen
wait for arguments you can use for your own argument
push your opinion through on how to do things.
Listen to others
Filter the important parts
Discover the underlying assumptions and synergize those to win-win situations.
Leadership and Effective Communication
The choice is yours and only YOU are
responsible for the consequences of your
Assertive people are effective communicators.
Assertive people can…
Express their own thoughts, feelings and needs clearly
Make reasonable requests of other people (While accepting their right to say 'no')
Stand up for their own rights
Say 'no' to requests from others at times, without feeling guilty.
4 Steps in Communication
‘ I’ statement
Are you a good listener? R - S - A I allow speakers to complete their sentences. R - S - A I make sure I understand the other person's point of view before responding. R - S - A I listen for the important points. R - S - A I try to understand the speaker's feelings. R - S - A I visualize my response before speaking. R - S - A I visualize the solution before speaking. R - S - A I am in control, relaxed, calm when listening.
Are you a good listener? R - S - A I use listening noises (hum, gee, I see, oh....). R - S - A I take notes when someone else is speaking. R - S - A I listen even if the other person is not interesting. R - S - A I listen even though I don't like that person but I am interested in what he has to say. R - S - A I look into the eyes of the person speaking. R - S - A I am patient when listening. R - S - A I ask questions to make sure I understand. R - S - A I have no distractions when listening. R - S - A I don't refer his sayings to my personal background while listening.
Answer Key – How many A’s? 14-16 You are excellent! 13-11 You are good - but need help in a few areas. 10-7 You are fair, probably think you know it all. Could increase effectiveness in your team significantly with skill building help . 6-4 You are poor, not listening at all. 3-1 You are deaf! Please, take the results with a sense of humor!
The Listening Continuum 5) Empathic Listening 4) Active Listening 3) Selective Listening 2) Pretend listening 1) Ignore
Listening with empathy
1) Reflect the facts
2) Summarize the facts in your words (remember Golden Rule of communication)
3) Reflect and summarize feelings
4) Steps 2) + 3) together
5) Know when to stop 3)
Just how important is non-verbal communication?
Non-verbal clues 55% Tone of voice (38%) Words (7%)
What you say is
not nearly as important as how you say it.
Non-verbal communication Understanding the non-verbal cues will help you find more effective way to communicate with others.
Personal space (“bubble”)
Using “I” Statement
Start your sentence with “I”
Taking responsibility of your observation, thoughts, feelings, and wants
Go through the 4 squares to construct your sentence!
Observation Thoughts Feelings Wants
Hands of Precision Right Hand: imprecise Language Left Hand: Precise Questions 1) Universals: all every never 1) All? Every? Never? 2)Should, shouldn't, can't, mustn't 2) What would happen if you could? 3) Verbs 3) How specifically? 4) Nouns 4) Who or what specifically? 5) Too much, too many, too expensive 5) Compared to what?
Communication vs. Effective communication It is not important what I say, but what YOU understand
Communication vs. Effective communication
Effective communication always implies a feedback system.
Making sure there is feedback is the responsibility of person A
Person B needs to be aware that giving feedback really is in her hands, even though it is Person A's responsibility.
Pitfalls of Feedback
You have TWO ears and ONE mouth...hence, you should listen TWICE as much as you speak!
“ Think about it like a professional poker player: think about what the jackpot is. What is at stake in the long term?"
Jean Louis Van Doorne
The 4-Ears Model VP exchange says: "I have no more marketing material for selling ITEP." "There is no more marketing material." Purely factual basis "VP Marketing, please make new material!" Command, request basis "VP Marketing, you don't like me because otherwise you would have seen that yourself" Relationship basis "I am guilty: I have already used all the material that was supposed to last all year." Self-revelation basis
Communication Matrix Message is meant to be 1. Factual 2. Command 3. Relationship 4. Self-revelation Message is perceived to be 1. Factual Effective Ineffective Ineffective Ineffective 2. Command Ineffective Effective Ineffective Ineffective 3. Relationship Ineffective Ineffective Effective Ineffective 4. Self-revelation Ineffective Ineffective Ineffective Effective