How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing    Control          by    Leigh Richwood
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlCopyright InformationCopyright © 2012 Leigh Richwood. All rights res...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlA note from Leigh…Before we start discussing how to deal with the an...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlDealing with your spouse’s infidelity will be one of the most diffic...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlIt’s important that you not take everything your spouse says soperso...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlAvoiding heated arguments with your spouse will help you controlyour...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlIf your spouse asks for emotional space, allow for that to happen.Gi...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlIf you end up divorced, the worst thing in the world would be to get...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlNo matter what the final outcome turns out to be with your marriage,...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlLeigh Richwood is a wife and mother living in Atlanta, Georgia. Here...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlTo find out about Leigh’s books about coping with infidelity, check ...
How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlHow Can Trust Be Regained After Such A              Betrayal?If your...
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  1. 1. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing Control by Leigh Richwood
  2. 2. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlCopyright InformationCopyright © 2012 Leigh Richwood. All rights reserved worldwide.This free report can be given away. Feel free to share with anyone you feel can benefit from theinformation found here. You may not sell this report.This publication is designed to provide information related to marital infidelity. It is distributedwith the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or otherprofessional services. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of acompetent professional person should be sought. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  3. 3. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlA note from Leigh…Before we start discussing how to deal with the anger andpain you’re feeling, understand that it’s natural to feel thisway when you’ve been betrayed. It’s natural to feel this wayif you even just suspect that you’ve been betrayed.So don’t worry that your feelings and emotions are wrong ormisplaced. Don’t think that you just have to get over it andmove forward. If you don’t learn how to really deal withthese emotions you will not have the kind of results youneed.Give yourself the space, time, and resources to handle thisdifficulty the way you need to. You’re the only YOU there is,so take care of yourself and who you are. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  4. 4. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlDealing with your spouse’s infidelity will be one of the most difficultphases of your life. You’ll be faced with challenge after challenge asthe days, weeks, and months progress. I know that this isn’t ashocking piece of information for you, but it’s probably still not easy tohear and be reminded of.Because you’ve requested this information, I know that you aresearching for a way to get to the other side. You may not even knowwhich other side you want to get to and that’s okay. You don’t haveto make any decisions until you’re ready to make them.You are probably feeling more anger and more pain than you’ve everfelt in your life. If you weren’t, then the fact that your spouse ischeating doesn’t matter to you and that indicates that you don’t havea marriage worth saving, anyway. If that were the case, you probablywould never even have gotten your hands on this document.Dealing with that anger and pain is essential to survival. You can’tmake good decisions and construct a good plan of action if your mindis clouded. You won’t be able to control your actions or your wordsand that is another key to success.So I’ve put this short guide together to help you navigate throughsome of that pain and anger. When you’re finished with this and whatI’ve told you don’t really help, you might consider talking to acounselor for more specific direction for your personal situation. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  5. 5. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlIt’s important that you not take everything your spouse says sopersonally. This is a really difficult thing to do – next to impossible forsome. A spouse who is involved in an affair almost always rewriteshistory to justify their affair or at least make them not feel so badabout what they’re doing. Just keep these things in mind when yourspouse starts saying the crazy things that all cheaters say.People often say things they don’t really mean or even believe whenthey’re trying to justify their actions. Cheaters lie about where theyare, what they’re doing, and even about what they think and feel.They actually sometimes don’t even know what they think or feelbecause they’re so confused and out of touch.Guilt also brings out hurtful behaviors that you will have to let go of.When a cheating spouse tells you they want a divorce, they may tellyou this during an argument or when they are already angry aboutsomething else. Some spouses are completely unable to expresstheir feelings and when they finally can’t hold it all in any longer theyexplode with a long list of all your faults that goes back to the day youmet.Prepare yourself for these kinds of episodes. Put on your armor anddon’t let the things your spouse says goad you into an argument orsend you into a weepy depression.Develop a plan for how you’re going to act and react to any situationsthat may come up with your spouse. Having a plan and doingeverything possible to stick to that plan will help you get throughconfrontations more easily and more successfully. There will bearguments and disappointments, so make sure you’re ready tohandle them at any time.Realize that your choice to take serious action to protect yourself,your family, and your marriage is part of the core of who you are.Celebrate that by reminding yourself often of that as you go throughdifficult times. Use that as motivation to be true to yourself by stickingto your plan even though it may seem easier to just give in. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  6. 6. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlAvoiding heated arguments with your spouse will help you controlyour anger. It goes without saying that if your spouse gets loud andangry, you’ll probably get loud and angry, too. Make sure your planincludes an exit strategy for when arguments get too heated toremain calm. Include triggers that will require you to remove yourselfand how you’ll handle walking away from the argument.Always remember that how you react to what your spouse throws atyou will have a significant impact on the outcome. Keeping this facttop of mind will hopefully help you not lash out in anger at a key spotin the process.Allow yourself to be confused by your spouse’s behavior and theirchoices. Also allow yourself to not know how things are going to turnout. You do not have to make any decisions about how you’ll dealwith your marriage until you are good and ready to do so. It’s okay towait to see what how things go to make a decision. You may hearfrom others that you can’t go on in limbo. You can do whatever youwant to do. Nobody decides this but you.As an aside – part of your plan to deal with anger and pain shouldinclude how you deal with others – not just your spouse. If family orfriends are causing you more pain by bringing your situation up all thetime, giving unwanted advice, or pushing their opinions on you thenlimit your exposure to them. When you’re not constantly having todefend your decisions to people who don’t have a stake in theoutcome, you’ll be more able to keep your temper and emotions incheck.Try to get comfortable living in a gray area even if it’s just for a shorttime. This will allow you the space and emotional capacity to makegood and informed decisions.If your spouse starts asking what you’re going to do, simply tell themyou don’t know yet. Let them know you’re weighing all the optionsand that you don’t want to make a rushed decision. This should buyyou some time to get some necessary plans in place as well as timeto think about what your next moves should be. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  7. 7. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlIf your spouse asks for emotional space, allow for that to happen.Give them time to not have to talk to you about the issues or discussthe affair. This will give you some time to regroup and a cooling offperiod could be helpful to give you time to deal with your angerconstructively. By allowing your spouse to take this time, you willensure that your anger, anxiety, and pain won’t cause your situationto come to a decision point before you’re ready.To redirect your mind and your energies, list the things that areimportant to you. Note beside each one how anger can put theseimportant things in jeopardy. Also make a list of things you can do toget some balance in your life. Don’t let dealing with this affair takeeverything out of you.Things that can rebalance your life are things like working out,meeting with friends and family, doing fun things with your children,taking an art class, getting a massage, getting in touch with yourspiritual side, attending church, or getting individual counseling.These are just some of the things that I did to get balance back in mylife. You should choose the things that make you happy and calm.If you’re a reader, find inspirational stories on the web or in the bookstore to make you feel less alone. These stories don’t have to beabout people who survived infidelity. Anyone who conquersdifficulties of any kind can inspire you to implement good changes inyour life.Another strategy is to find something to read that is a total diversion.Read a humorous novel or an intriguing murder mystery. This willhelp get your mind wrapped around something besides the issues inyour marriage.One of the most important parts of dealing with the anger and pain isto come to the place where you can know that whatever happens inyour marriage you did all you could to make it work. It’s important foryou to believe and know that you gave all you could and that you triedeverything you knew to do to make things work. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  8. 8. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlIf you end up divorced, the worst thing in the world would be to getmonths or years down the road and realize that you really didn’t dovery much to make your marriage work and regret that. If you end upstaying married, the worst thing in the world would be to get monthsor years down the road and find yourself in a similar place becauseyou let your anger, fear, and pain stop you from seeing the truth anddoing the right thing.I’ve found that one of the activities that fuels pain is to always betrying to figure out the odds of the marriage working out. You do thisby comparing your situation to every other situation you come across.While many of the details are the same, the people are alwaysdifferent and there is no way to predict exactly how things will turnout.When you put your energy into worrying about the outcome, you willremain stuck in the pain. You will continue to feel helpless and at themercy of someone else. Instead of staying stuck here, put yourenergy into doing something proactive about you and your marriageevery day. Positive action and a positive attitude will go a very longway toward helping you heal.During this crisis, it’s an excellent time to expand your life to includesome new interests and activities. Waiting until your marriage issuesare resolved to enjoy life is a mistake. By not living life as much aspossible you allow the anger and pain to remain on center stage. Ifyou’re actively having a good life in spite of your marriage difficulties,there are plenty of things that can take the spotlight off of yournegative emotions relating to your spouse.Consider that when you are having fun by participating in activitiesthat interest you, you become more interesting to others, includingyour spouse. This can never be a bad thing.Make a conscious choice to remain positive and to have theexpectation that something good and helpful will eventually come outof this experience. A positive attitude will always bring a moredesirable outcome than a negative attitude. You must trust inyourself and your ability to be creative, flexible, and resilient. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  9. 9. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlNo matter what the final outcome turns out to be with your marriage,you control how you react and how you respond. It’s your choice toeither to let the pain and anger turn you into someone you don’t likeor to make a new life and thrive. Either of these options can happeneven if you stay married.While keeping your anger at bay is a difficult thing to do, it’s importantto your future to find ways to control it. Techniques such asscreaming into a pillow or taking up kickboxing can help relieve someof the stress and tension that can cause you to lose your temper.Managing the pain is sometimes more difficult because it doesn’tnormally manifest itself the same way as anger. Pain can causedepression and anxiety if not dealt with appropriately. Understandingwhere you are on the scale of severity is important.Writing in a journal can be a great way to express your pain in a safeenvironment. Getting your thoughts on paper (or on the computer)will sometimes help you organize your feelings and get clarity to thethings in your mind.You may find that it’s helpful to find a message board that specializesin infidelity support. In many cases, these boards give you an outletto vent your feelings, anger, and pain. You will get responses frompeople who have been through the same things you’re dealing with.Be sure to stay aware of your feelings and seek individual counselingif you are unable to find relief. All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  10. 10. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlLeigh Richwood is a wife and mother living in Atlanta, Georgia. Herexperience with infidelity changed her life. She is still married to theman who cheated on her and they have rebuilt their marriage andtheir life to a happy and content state.Leigh uses her blog to write about her own experiences and those ofpeople she’s met through the process of dealing with the affair. Sheoften uses humor to ease the tension and move on to the importantparts of reconstructing a shattered life. Tune in to Leigh’s blog here:http://www.whenyourspousecheats.comI welcome your email! Questions, success stories, or just a hello –please drop me a line here:leigh@whenyourspousecheats.comFollow me on Facebook:http://www.facebook.com/WhenYourSpouseCheatsOr Twitter:https://twitter.com/#!/LifeRestored All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  11. 11. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlTo find out about Leigh’s books about coping with infidelity, check outthese links:What To Do When Your Spouse Cheats – Take Practical StepsTo SurviveKindlehttp://whenyourspousecheats.com/amazonPaperbackhttp://whenyourspousecheats.com/PaperbackCoping With Infidelity – Tips For Getting Supporthttp://whenyourspousecheats.com/Getting_SupportCoping With Infidelity – Tips For Dealing With The Other Personhttp://whenyourspousecheats.com/OPSee Leigh’s author page on Amazon for more information and videoabout her books:http://whenyourspousecheats.com/LeighRichwoodTo stay up to date and get free helpful information via email, sign uphere:http://whenyourspousecheats.com/sign-up-to-get-more-info/ All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com
  12. 12. How To Deal With Anger And Pain Without Losing ControlHow Can Trust Be Regained After Such A Betrayal?If your relationship has been damaged by infidelity, you no doubt feel lost, helpless, hopeless, and alone. You want help, but you don’t know where to turn. Your closest friends and family members can offer you support butperhaps they haven’t been through what you’re going through. They really can’t understand what you need. You may feel like there’s nobody to turn to who truly understands – who has been through the emotional train wreck that you’re experiencing. Who do you turn to when all trust is gone? It is possible to have that trust back and your relationship can be stronger than you ever thought possible. Learn how here: http://whenyourspousecheats.com/Trust All rights reserved – When Your Spouse Cheats www.WhenYourSpouseCheats.com

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