Conflict Management How  to recognize and work productively with differences CAPT Jane F. Vieira, CHC, USN
Conflict Management How  to recognize and work productively with differences <ul><li>Conflict is neither good nor bad . . ...
Most conflicts are . . . <ul><li>Minor </li></ul><ul><li>Easily handled </li></ul><ul><li>Overlooked   (without harm to pe...
Conflict can be . . .   <ul><li>Difference of opinion or approach </li></ul><ul><li>Competing interests & goals </li></ul>...
Constructive fighting is a skill which: <ul><li>Reduces tension & frustration </li></ul><ul><li>Live with fewer inhibition...
Positive effects of conflict . . .   <ul><li>Raises different points of view </li></ul><ul><li>Surfaces innovative </li></...
Symptoms of underlying conflict   <ul><li>Individual </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidance </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>absenteeism, hi...
Symptoms of underlying conflict   <ul><li>Inter-Group </li></ul><ul><li>Competition </li></ul><ul><li>Rigidity </li></ul><...
Conflict vs. Job Performance   <ul><li>Productivity is   GREATEST   with a   MODERATE   amount of conflict. </li></ul><ul>...
Common but unhealthy   <ul><li>Kitchen Sink Fighting </li></ul><ul><li>Laundry List </li></ul><ul><li>Mt. Vesuvius </li></...
Conflict resolution strategies   <ul><li>Avoidance </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>repress emotions </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul>...
Conflict Resolution   <ul><li>Compromise </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Neither party gets everything he or she wants, but gets...
Conflict Resolution   <ul><li>Co-existence </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Partners agree to disagree.   </li></ul></ul></ul><ul...
Conflict Styles   <ul><li>1.  Placator   -   Yield-lose </li></ul><ul><li>low personal goals, high relationship goals 2.  ...
How a fight escalates   <ul><li>Issue --> Personality --> Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>1.  Fight over a specific issue <...
Healthy fighting techniques   <ul><li>Choose what conflicts to address and what to let go </li></ul><ul><li>Stick to the s...
Bad fighting techniques   <ul><li>uninvited character analysis </li></ul><ul><li>stereotyping </li></ul><ul><li>let down p...
Sample technique for confronting <ul><li>1.  Set a time & place to talk </li></ul><ul><li>2.  State your intentions & expe...
Sample technique for confronting <ul><li>5.  Explore all relevant information </li></ul><ul><li>- facts </li></ul><ul><li>...
Fair Fighting Techniques <ul><li>1.  Timing   -  set aside a time to discuss the issues </li></ul><ul><li>2.  Stick to the...
Dirty Fighting Techniques <ul><li>1.  Timing  -  pick the wrong time and place 15.  Sarcasm </li></ul><ul><li>2.  Escalati...
In Summary <ul><li>Conflict management is an </li></ul><ul><li>ART </li></ul><ul><li>which can be learned. </li></ul>CAPT ...
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Conflict Management

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  • Conflict Management

    1. 1. Conflict Management How to recognize and work productively with differences CAPT Jane F. Vieira, CHC, USN
    2. 2. Conflict Management How to recognize and work productively with differences <ul><li>Conflict is neither good nor bad . . . It’s inevitable! </li></ul><ul><li>All unresolved conflict weakens relationships </li></ul><ul><li>All unresolved conflict decreases productivity & lowers performance </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    3. 3. Most conflicts are . . . <ul><li>Minor </li></ul><ul><li>Easily handled </li></ul><ul><li>Overlooked (without harm to people and issues) </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidable! (if) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Courtesies are extended </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Explanations are provided </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>a service oriented behavior/attitude is displayed </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Time bound </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    4. 4. Conflict can be . . . <ul><li>Difference of opinion or approach </li></ul><ul><li>Competing interests & goals </li></ul><ul><li>To further hidden agendas </li></ul><ul><li>Value conflicts </li></ul><ul><li>Unclear/unspoken </li></ul><ul><li>Space needs - “Keep your distance” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Do not disturb - refueling!” </li></ul></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    5. 5. Constructive fighting is a skill which: <ul><li>Reduces tension & frustration </li></ul><ul><li>Live with fewer inhibitions and no lies </li></ul><ul><li>Enhances teamwork </li></ul><ul><li>Free to grow - become more productive, creative </li></ul><ul><li>Perform better </li></ul><ul><li>Feel less guilty about negative emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Face fewer unpleasant surprises </li></ul><ul><li>Improves communication </li></ul><ul><li>Worry less about the past which cannot be changed </li></ul><ul><li>Feel less vulnerable </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    6. 6. Positive effects of conflict . . . <ul><li>Raises different points of view </li></ul><ul><li>Surfaces innovative </li></ul><ul><li>Hones ideas that need development </li></ul><ul><li>Taps the resources of all participants </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    7. 7. Symptoms of underlying conflict <ul><li>Individual </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidance </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>absenteeism, hiding out, yes-ing the boss </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>self-centeredness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>hiding behind the rules </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Repression </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>ill health, escapist drinking, irregular productivity, low satisfaction, irritability </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Reactive </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>flashes of anger, non-cooperation, rumors </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>stealing and destruction, counter organizations, strikes </li></ul></ul></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    8. 8. Symptoms of underlying conflict <ul><li>Inter-Group </li></ul><ul><li>Competition </li></ul><ul><li>Rigidity </li></ul><ul><li>Appeals to superiors for decisions </li></ul><ul><li>Decreased rate of interaction </li></ul><ul><li>Low trust </li></ul><ul><li>Suspicion </li></ul><ul><li>Hostility </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    9. 9. Conflict vs. Job Performance <ul><li>Productivity is GREATEST with a MODERATE amount of conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>Productivity is LOWEST when: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>There is no conflict (laissez-faire attitude) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>There is too much conflict (high anxiety, tension) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Bell shaped curve </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    10. 10. Common but unhealthy <ul><li>Kitchen Sink Fighting </li></ul><ul><li>Laundry List </li></ul><ul><li>Mt. Vesuvius </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    11. 11. Conflict resolution strategies <ul><li>Avoidance </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>repress emotions </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>look the other way </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>run, quit, etc. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Defusion </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>downplay </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>cool off </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Confrontation </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>power and force </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>negotiation </li></ul></ul></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    12. 12. Conflict Resolution <ul><li>Compromise </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Neither party gets everything he or she wants, but gets something. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Each gives up something. Often quite satisfactory to each. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>This resolution is “part-way” for each. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Capitulation </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>One partner gives in to what the other wants. This works well when the issue is relatively unimportant to one partner. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>This resolution is “one way.” </li></ul></ul></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    13. 13. Conflict Resolution <ul><li>Co-existence </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Partners agree to disagree. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>This resolution is “both ways.” </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Collaboration </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Partners work together to understand the real issues behind the difference and search for a resolution that meets the needs of both. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>This resolution is “both ways.” </li></ul></ul></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    14. 14. Conflict Styles <ul><li>1. Placator - Yield-lose </li></ul><ul><li>low personal goals, high relationship goals 2. Detached - Lose-leave low personal goals, low relationship goals 3. Tough Battler - Win-lose high personal goals, low relationship goals </li></ul><ul><li>4. Problem Solver - Win-win high personal goals, high relationship goals </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    15. 15. How a fight escalates <ul><li>Issue --> Personality --> Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>1. Fight over a specific issue </li></ul><ul><li>escalates to 2. Personality level </li></ul><ul><li>which escalates to </li></ul><ul><li>3. Relationship level </li></ul><ul><li>“ I want a divorce!” </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    16. 16. Healthy fighting techniques <ul><li>Choose what conflicts to address and what to let go </li></ul><ul><li>Stick to the subject </li></ul><ul><li>Deal in potential, not the past </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t use the “silent treatment” </li></ul><ul><li>Attack the problem, not the other </li></ul><ul><li>Never say “you never” or “you always” </li></ul><ul><li>Offer solutions with constructive criticism </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t try to force the other person to be your carbon copy </li></ul><ul><li>Be humble - you could be wrong </li></ul><ul><li>Be willing to apologize </li></ul><ul><li>Let the conflict end when it’s over </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    17. 17. Bad fighting techniques <ul><li>uninvited character analysis </li></ul><ul><li>stereotyping </li></ul><ul><li>let down partner’s expectations </li></ul><ul><li>change the subject </li></ul><ul><li>attack your partner’s Achilles' Heel </li></ul><ul><li>passive aggressive styles </li></ul><ul><li>create disorder --> crisis maker </li></ul><ul><li>physical force - never acceptable </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    18. 18. Sample technique for confronting <ul><li>1. Set a time & place to talk </li></ul><ul><li>2. State your intentions & expectations </li></ul><ul><li>for the outcome of this meeting </li></ul><ul><li>3. State the event </li></ul><ul><li>4. State your feelings about the event & end your statement with a question </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    19. 19. Sample technique for confronting <ul><li>5. Explore all relevant information </li></ul><ul><li>- facts </li></ul><ul><li>- interpretations </li></ul><ul><li>- feelings </li></ul><ul><li>6. Repeat your partner’s view of the event </li></ul><ul><li>7. Explore solutions that would satisfy both of you </li></ul><ul><li>8. Offer “fair exchange” proposals </li></ul><ul><li>9. Test your agreement & commitment </li></ul><ul><li>“ Give it a try” </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    20. 20. Fair Fighting Techniques <ul><li>1. Timing - set aside a time to discuss the issues </li></ul><ul><li>2. Stick to the issue </li></ul><ul><li>3. Choose flexible terms </li></ul><ul><li>4. Be realistic </li></ul><ul><li>5. Be responsible </li></ul><ul><li>6. Affirm your spouse </li></ul><ul><li>7. Don’t analyze </li></ul><ul><li>8. Be supportive </li></ul><ul><li>9. Take time limited cooling off periods </li></ul><ul><li>10. Compromise </li></ul><ul><li>11. Don’t manipulate </li></ul><ul><li>12. Avoid money-control tactics </li></ul><ul><li>13. Model behavior you want your children to adopt </li></ul><ul><li>14. Be consistent </li></ul><ul><li>15. Practice </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    21. 21. Dirty Fighting Techniques <ul><li>1. Timing - pick the wrong time and place 15. Sarcasm </li></ul><ul><li>2. Escalation 16. Avoid responsibility </li></ul><ul><li>3. Brown bagging 17. Leave </li></ul><ul><li>4. Over generalize 18. Reject compromise </li></ul><ul><li>5. Cross-complain 19. Personalize </li></ul><ul><li>6. Interrupt your partner 20. Play the martyr </li></ul><ul><li>7. Ask why 21. Use money </li></ul><ul><li>8. Blame 22. Use children </li></ul><ul><li>9. Pull rank 23. Use relatives </li></ul><ul><li>10. Don’t listen, dominate 24. Give advice </li></ul><ul><li>11. List injustices 25. Get even </li></ul><ul><li>12. Label 26. Use terminal language </li></ul><ul><li>13. Mind read 27. Be inconsistent </li></ul><ul><li>14. Fortune-telling 28. Harbor grudges </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006
    22. 22. In Summary <ul><li>Conflict management is an </li></ul><ul><li>ART </li></ul><ul><li>which can be learned. </li></ul>CAPT J. Vieira, CHC, USN, 06/2006

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