Sexual etiquettes in Islam


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Sexual etiquettes in Islam

  2. 2. BISMILLAHIR-RAHMANIR-RAHIMINTRODUCTION Islam is a complete way of life. Islam provides guidance and regulations for even the private moments ofa Muslim’s life. In the collective of Ahadith and Seerah of Rasulullah(Sallallahualay-hi-wassallam) thereare numerous incidents and occasions when his companions came forward and enquired from him aboutmatters related to private life and it’s problems. Even the womenfolk from his followers came forward andenquired with regard to matters that are related to marital life and it’s private issues. They did not feelashamed or shy to learn the truth, nor did our Rasulullah Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)feel ashamed toexpound the truth as the Quran Majeed says: ―And Allah (Azza-wa-Jall) does not feel ashamed of theHaqq.‖ 33/53It is thus clear that there is nothing wrong in learning or discussing matters related to marriage and sexfor the sake of educating ourselves Islamically. Today when the world is realizing the importance of ―sexeducation‖ in their crude and rude outlook, then why should we as Muslims feel ashamed of revelingIslam’s decent and refined teachings in this field?Due to constant exposure to pornographic material and other shameless literature, many Muslims haveoverstepped the limits of Shariah in the fulfillment of their sexual lusts and desires and thus brought uponthemselves the harms of this world and the next, particularly in the form of certain deadly diseases,illnesses and infections. Many of them are blissfully unaware that there are any Islamic injunctions in thisregard and due to sheer ignorance of Islamic regulations have transgressed the Laws of Shariah, thuscausing harm and injury not only to themselves, but even to their partners and their yet unborn off-springas the pages ahead will reveal.Thus a need was felt to educate the Muslim public, particularly our younger generation and especiallythose prospective young couples that are on the threshold of entering into the sacred bond of nikah, inthis often-neglected aspect of Islam, in order that their health and marital bond remain intact andprotected from all harms and sorrow. It is hoped that every couple and couple-to-be will benefit greatlyfrom this booklet. Insha-Allah.Finally, a word regarding the material content of this book. The contents of this book have been extractedfrom authentic sources as the bibliography will reveal, Insha-Allah. The advices and observations on thistopic are the result of years of experience, deep in sight and the spiritual foresight of our pious and wiseelders, predecessors and Ulema. To cast any aspersions on their words and teachings would betantamount to doubting their integrity and erudition. None who claims to be a true Muslim has the right tosuch presumptuousness. If the atheistic western scientists and their worshippers find any of theseteachings to be non conformant to their ―research and findings‖, it is of no significance or concern to us.The ―ever changing nature‖ of own their theories is proof enough of the flimsiness and uncertainty of theirteachings, which are nothing but conjectural pastimes as far as we are concerned. The mocking, jeeringand sneering of such people should be discarded with the contempt it deserves. The teachings of our greatluminaries is and will always remain dear and precious to us. Insha-Allah.May Allah (Azza-wa-Jall) make their booklet a means of reward and saviour for this humble servant andmake it a means of guidance and benefit to His sincere and obedient servants. Aameen.ETIQUETTES OF THE FIRST NIGHTIn the ideal Islamic situation, the husband and wife will most probably be total strangers to each other,having no kind of personal contact with each other previously due to the strict laws of hijab and pardah inthe Shariah,. Coupled with this feeling of strangeness are the natural constraints of haya and modesty,that form an integral part of Imaan. Under the particular circumstances it is quite natural that both thehusband and wife will be extremely bashful of each other and under considerable strain and anxiety.
  3. 3. In order to ―break the ice‖, they firstly greet each other with the traditional Islamic greetings of salaam.Thereafter the husband should gently place his right hand on his bride’s forehead and reciteTranslation:- ―O Allah! I ask you of her goodness, the good within her and the goodness upon which shewas created. I seek Your protection from her evil, the evil within her and the evil upon which she wascreated‖.Thereafter, wudhu and two rakats of salatul-Hajah maybe offered as a token of gratitude and therebyrequesting assistance from Allah (Rabbul-Izzat) for a successful and blessed marriage, pious offspringetc.Thereafter, they may read some Deeni literature to each other particularly on the topic of Nikah etc. Inthis regard Kitabun-Nikah, Hayatul-Muslimeen, etc are excellent material to study. If time andopportunity permits, this booklet should be read from cover to cover once at least on the first night.One point of great importance that many newly wed, inexperienced men overlook is the importance ofextreme gentleness and tenderness on the first night and during the first sexual encounter. Many areunder the false notion that gentleness is against ―manliness‖ and the harm and damage that is done tothe relationship on the first night due to this foolish notion, has it’s impact on the marriage for months andyears to come. During the initial stages of sexual union a virgin generally undergoes considerable anxietyand pain, which results in fear. During such a time the husband must take great care and consideration inhis movements and behavior towards his bride.One more point of caution to the husband is never to harbour unnecessary suspicions against the wife iffor some reason it ―appeared‖ that she was not a virgin. This is a sin. It is forbidden to harbour ill-thoughts about the next Muslim merely on the basis of such conjectures. And worse still is to make her atarget of abuse and oppression on this ground. This is Zulm(oppression) and a major sin. There are manyreasons a girl could lose her ―hymen‖, the tissue of virginity-reasons that could be substantiated medicallysuch as heavy flows during menstruation, illness, falling, jumping excessive, horse-riding, certain sportingactivities, ageing etc.TINTENTION FOR SEXUAL INTERCOURSEHazrat Ali (RadiallahuAnhum) is reported to have said in his WASA (advices):―At the time of sexual intercourse, the following intentions should be made: 1. Protection against zina (adultery) 2. protection of the gaza from strange women 3. Attainment of pious and upright progeny who will serve Islam.When intercourse is enjoyed with the correct intentions, then not only is an act of physical pleasure, but italso becomes an act of reward and Sawab.In this regard the gist of a Hadith explains that even intercourse with one’s wife is reward able andregarded as Sadaqah. The Sahaba (RadiallahuAnhum) were greatly astounded upon this-that here aman is gratifying his sexual lusts and desires and yet he is being rewarded for it?Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) explained to them that had this man gratified himself in aharam manner he would be punished for it, then why should he not be rewarded for satisfying himself in aHalaal manner? He will certainly be rewarded.AT THE TIME OF SEEING AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN
  4. 4. At times, the gaze involuntarily falls upon an attractive woman, which causes excitement of the passion.In such circumstances, what should be done? The Hadith provides guidance.―When women emerge outdoors, they appear in the form of shaitaan, thus if any of you accidentally gazeat her and take fancy to her, he should consort with his wife, for she has the same that the other womanhas.‖This will cleanse the heart form evil intentions, ideas and thoughts. At the same time, the fire of passionand desire that was kindled, will be calmed and cooled in a lawful manner.PREPARATION FOR INTERCOURSEThe Psychological preparation for sexual intercourse is equally important as intercourse itself. Anythingthat will cause distraction or distaste should be avoided completely. This will turn the opposite partner―off‖, with detrimental consequences for the couple as well as their marriage.Amongst the factors that are a major ―turn-off‖ is dirt, filth, bad, odors and uncivilized behavior.Particularly a bad odor from the mouth or body is very unpleasant and the habit of smoking can killpassion and desire for the opposite partner altogether. It is of extreme importance that the mouth beclean, especially with smokers, who should take extra precaution in this regard.It is part of the beautiful habit of our pure and honorable Master, Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam), that the used to apply itr (scent) and that he used to perform the miswaak (cleansing of themouth and teeth) before intercourse. Even in such Minute and apparently insignificant matters, he showedus the path to success and bliss. It will indeed be unfortunate if we do not appreciate and practice histeachings and habits, i.e. the Sunnah.Ibne-Jauzi (Rahimahumullh) states in Saidul Khatir” that the couple should fix a certain part of the dayor night for intercourse in order that both of them prepare physically and psychologically for time. This willincrease and heighten their pleasure. Furthermore, it will eliminate the possibility of any one of thembeing in an undesirable or unprepared state of mind or body.It is for this reason that one learned scholar states that a man should inform his wife of his intentions tohave sexual relations from the morning in order that both be prepared fully at the appropriate time.It is for this very reason that Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasalaam) and the Sahaba-Kiram(RadiallahuAnhum) would not enter their homes during the night after returning from along journey.Rather, they would enter only in the morning. The ideal was to give the womenfolk sufficient time toprepare themselves for their husbands. In the words of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasalaam)In order that the unkempt, disheveled women comb their hair and the unprepared ones shave (shaving ofpubes, underarms, etc)‖-MISHKAATThere can be no greater turn-off to a returning husband than to find his wife in an unkempt, untidycondition. It is therefore necessary that he announce his imminent arrival either by way of letter,telephone or a messenger, in order that his wife prepare herself for his arrival.
  5. 5. THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF SEXUAL RELATIONS IN BRIEFDO’S 1. Wudhu, miswaak and scent 2. Proper intention 3. Prepare psychologically 4. Foreplay 5. Recite respective duas 6. Keep in mind correct/preferable times. 7. Keep in mind correct posture 8. After play 9. Urination after intercourse 10. Cleansing private parts 11. Fresh bath before next intercourse 12. Bath as soon as possible 13. Conceal private affairsDON’TS 1. Complete nudity 2. Face Qiblah 3. Stand during intercourse 4. Excessive Speech 5. Gaze at private parts 6. On a full stomach 7. With a full bladder 8. On prohibited nights 9. Fantasizing 10. Excessive indulgence 11. Drink water immediately thereafter 12. Anal sex 13. Sex during menstruationN.B. Each of the above points are now discussed individually for a better insight into each one.CLEANLINESSIslam’s emphasis on cleanliness is a known fact to even little children of good Muslims homes cleanlinessis half of Faith (Imaan one Hadith teaches us).At the time of sexual intercourse, this aspect of Islam becomes even more emphatic. Physical cleanlinessenhances spiritual purity.Both the partners should preferably be in the state of wuzu.As mentioned previously under the section on PREPARATION (See Chapter 4), the mouth should becleansed thoroughly with miswaak or a brush at least. There cannot be a worse turn-off than bad breathand pungent odors. Those habituated to smoking should take extra precautions in this regard. Theimportance of this can be gauged from the masla of Shariah with regard to a person who has eaten onions
  6. 6. or garlic entering the masjid. The Fuqaha (Rahimahumullh)(Jurists) have ruled that it is Prohibited forsuch a person to enter the masjid! Reason: Because it is a cause of Takleef (discomfort) to the fellow-musallis. How important would it then be for husband and wife, who are constantly in each otherproximity to maintain proper oral hygiene and not to cause abhorrence to each other by neglecting thisimportant aspect of Taharah and cleanliness! Such neglect could be the cause of serious detriment to themarriage. It is such seemingly ―insignificant‖ matters that become the root to broken homes and othermarital discord.It is also useful to apply it or scent as was the Sunnah of our honorable MasterRasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasalaam). This will cause mutual attraction.INTENTIONThe importance of a correct intention has been adequately stressed in the section onINTENTION OF SEXUAL INTER-COURSE(See Chapter 3)To attain rewards for this act, a proper niyyah (intention) should always be formulated.One saintly person says with regard to himself that he once kissed his wife without making the properintention (i.e. to please ALLAH(Zzza-wa-Jall) that He had made Halaal). As a result of this, he statesthat he suffered a setback of one full year in his spiritual progress. This sufficiently expresses theimportance of correct intentions in all actions, at all times.PSYCHOLOGICAL PREPARATIONSThis has already been discussed under the section on PREPARATION (See chapter 4). Particularly theadvice of Allamah Ibne-Jauzi (Rahimahumulullah) is important in this regard.Furthermore, Hazrat Ibnu-Abbas (RadiallahuAnhum) says: ―I love to adorn myself for women (mywives) as much as I wish them to adorn themselves for me‖. Preparation from both the partners.FOREPLAYFore play is a vital element of a happy and successful martial life. It should never be neglected. It isabsolutely vital that a man arouse his wife sexually via foreplay before indulging in sexual intercourse. Itis indeed callous and selfish that he fulfils his desires like an animal while his wife experiences nosensation whatsoever. This is extremely demoralizing for the women and has terrible consequences forthe couple and their marriage.Therefore every couple should take the trouble of exploring those regions of each other’s anatomy thatwill arouse their desires and heighten their pleasure. These areas are known as the ―erogenous zones‖.They vary from person to person but are generally concentrated in the upper body are and the below thenaval, if stroked tenderly, cause the sexual desires to rise and passions to be kindled.Even in this regard we find the beautiful teaching of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) aguidance for us; that in very subtle manner he impressed upon his companions (RadiallahuAnhum)importance and necessity of foreplay with the wife. For example:-It is narrated in the Hadith that once Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) came to know thatHazrat Jabir ―(Radiyallhu-Anhum) had married a widow. He said: ―Why did you not marry a virgin
  7. 7. whom you could play with and Who would play with you?‖ BUKHARI, MUSLIMThis is a subtle indication towards love play or foreplay between the couple.Furthermore, the importance of expressing love and feelings towards each other can be learned from theHadith of Rasulullah(Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that go to this effect that when a husband or wifegaze at each other with love and affection, Allah (Zzza-wa-Jall) gazes at them with mercy and kindness.When the husband and wife hold each other’s hands with love and affection, Allah Ta’ala forgives theirsins.If the wife is breast-feeding, caution should be observed that no milk enters the throat during the courseof love play. It is Makroohe-Tahrimi for the husband to drink the milk of his wife. If any person, out ofignorance has transgressed this regulation of the Shariah, the only form of expiation is a sincere taubahand repentance. However, this does not affect the bond of Nikah as is the misconception of many people.RECITATION OF DUAFor the protection from shaitaan and other harms, it is important to recite the Masnoon Duas at the timeof intercourse. In this way the couple and their progeny will be protected from much harm.The respective duas for this occasion are as follows:-1. AT THE TIME OF COMMENCING WITH INTERCOURSE:-TRANSLATION:-―In the name of Allah, O Allah! Save us from Shaitaan and prevent shaitaan from that which you grantus‖.2. AT THE TIME OF EJACULATION TRANSLATION―O Allah! Do not grant shaitaan any share of that which you have granted me‖.Note:- 1. At the time of ejaculation, the dua should be recited in the mind only, not verbally. 2. Both husband and wife should recite the dua.It is reported that if a person does not recite these duas, Shaitaan participates with him in the act ofcoitus and derives pleasure from his wife.Not reciting the dua is also a cause for rebellious and disobedient progeny as is observe in our times. ShahAbdul-Haq Dehlawi (Rahimahumullh) states in this regard: ―If a prayer like this is not made at the timeof coitus and only the sexual urge is fulfilled like the animals; the child that is born out of such a union willnot be saved from the evil influence of Shaitaan. This is one of the main reasons that the morals of thepresent generation are not good.‖ RIFAATUL-MUSLIMEENAnother point of significance is the importance of Zikr in the life of a Mumin(Believer). Unlike otherreligious, Islam regards even mudane activities as acts of worship (Ibadah) and obedience (Ta’aat) ifcarried out under the regulations of Shariah, with the correct intention and with the Zikr of Allah (Azza-wa-Jall). Thus what would normally be a debased act in other religions, is a noble act of worship andobedience that is rewardable in Islam.These duas serve to develop Allah-consciousness and piety in a Muslim. It is highly imperative that everycouple endeavour to learn, memorise and recite these duas at the appropriate time. A little effort andsacrifice of time is required, but the returns are enormous and far-reaching.CORRECT TIMESIt is important that cohabitation take place at the correct times in order to ensure good health for thecouple as well as their child-to-be, Allah willing.
  8. 8. The act of intercourse should ideally take place when there is a state of relaxation and temperamentalbalance in both husband and wife. Any form of tension or pressure in the form of hunger, thirst, anger,depression- illness, etc. will dampen the pleasure.Faqih Abdul-Laith Samarqandi (Rahimahumullah) writes in his book BUSTAN that the correct time forintercourse is the latter part of the night because the stomach is full during the early part of the night andintercourse is undesirable on a full stomach. It is thus clear that intercourse is undesirable in the earlyhours of the night. The same has been recorded in TIBBE-NABAWI.The author of IHYA observes that it is Makrooh to have sexual relations in the earlier part of the nightbecause the possibility of spending the rest of the night in the state of Janabat(Ritual uncleanliness).Hazrat Aisha (Radiyallahu-Anhum) reports that it was the noble habit of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that after completing the witr Salah at the end of the night, he would consort with hiswife if he is desire. If not, he would lay down on the musalla(prayer rug) until Hazrat Bilal (Radiyallahu-Anhum) would call out the Azaan for the Fajr Salah (Morning prayer).It should be noted that the prohibition of sexual intercourse in the earlier part of the night is merely froma medical and health point of view. It is not a ruling of the Shariah. It is reported that Rasulullah(Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) cohabited at various times of the day and night- SHAMIAL-TIRMIZIFor those that find it inconvenient to wait for the end of the night(for whatever reason), a practicalsolution is to have a light meal early in the evening, perhaps before Maghrib. In this way the Stomach willnot be full at the time of cohabitation in the earlier part of the night.It is the experience of wise men that the result of sexual intercourse on a full-stomach is a dull, backwardchild. Furthermore, it is even harmful to the health of the male.PREFERABLE TIMESAs much as it is important to observe the correct times, it is also important to observe the preferabletimes for intercourse to attain maximum benefit, especially for the child-to-be.Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) observes in WSAYA: ―The result of conception as a result ofcopulation;-On Monday night, is a child that will be a Qari;-On Tuesday, a generous, big-hearted child;-On Thursday, an upright, Allah-fearing Aalim or a wise, sagacious child;-On Friday before Juma, a child born with luck and fortune who will attain martyrdom at death;-On Friday night, a sincere child-RIFAATUL-MUSLIMEENN.B. By night is meant the Islamic night, which precedes the day.PERMISSIBLE POSITIONSThe human body takes on three postures most naturally; i.e. standing, sitting (or squatting) and layingdown. As far as the positions of sexual intercourse are concerned, Islam has granted general permissionprovided that no unnatural act such as anal sex is performed.
  9. 9. How ever from medical point of view, sex in the standing position is undesirable (a complete chapter onthis issue further ahead)Thus two postures remain; the sitting or squatting posture and the sleeping posture. In this regard, thereare certain subtle indications in the Quran and Hadith.For example, in one verse of the Quran, Allah Ta’ala states:-―It is He who created you from a single person, and made his mate thereof, in order that he may takecomfort in her. Then when he covered her, she bore a light burden….‖7/189This is when a women lies in the supine position; while the man’s body lies over her in manner that hecovers her body with his.In the Hadith explaining the manner of ghusal, the following method of sexual union is alluded to:―….When any of you sits between the four portions of a woman and then exerts himself upon her…..‖There is a difference of opinion as far as the interpretation of ―four portions of a woman‖ is concerned.This seems to refer to the position in which a woman lifts her knees and the man enters her in asitting/squatting posture, in which instance her thighs and calfs form the ―four portions‖. And Allah knowsbest.Furthermore, any other posture or position, husband and wife desire to choose, is quite in order. OnceHazrat Umar (Radiyallahu-Anhum) had intercourse with his wife through rear entry (not anal entry).Later he was overtaken by the thought that perhaps he had committed an undesirable act. Immediatelyhe rushed off to Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Aalyhi-Wasallam) calling out: ―I have destroyed, I have beendestroyed….! ―He was asked what was the matter, to which he recounted his fear of having committed anundesirable act. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi-Wasallam) remained silent, giving no answer.Sometime later, these verses of the Quran were revealed:―Your wives are a tillage (farm) unto you, thus approach your tillage from wherever you wish‖.-2/223.Thereafter Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) explained the purport of this verse: thatintercourse is permissible in any position, from front or rear, so long as anal sex does not place, for that isharam. The example of the Quran for women is that of a farm; which can be approached from anydirection, provided the seeds are planted only in the farm and not elsewhere! Similarly any method ofapproach is permissible, whether husband is on the wife or vice-versa, or whether they are on their sidesor from the rear, whether sleeping flat or whether squatting, all positions are permissible, so long as his―seeds‖ are planted in the ―farm‖ and not else where.There was a false notion; a baseless superstition that the Jews of Madina entertained as far as rear entrywas concerned. According to them, the child born out of such union would be squint eyed. Some Muslimswere misled by this myth of the Jews. When the above-mentioned were verse of the Quran was revealed,all such false conceptions were shattered and demolished for once and all.AFTERPLAYAlmost as important as foreplay and the actual act of intercourse, is the termination and conclusion of theact of copulation, which could be termed as ―after play‖. Many times, it happens that the husband reachesclimax earlier than the wife (some women attain climax after quite a while). In such a case the husbandshould remain in her until she achieves climax and satisfaction. This is absolutely vital and essential forthe satisfaction of the wife. Disengaging before the wife achieves climax is cruel and selfish and breedsanimosity and contempt in the wife’s heart for her husband.Furthermore, disengaging immediately after sexual union often gives the woman an impression that theman is only interested in her to gratify his lust and is merely ―using‖ her. This is bound to affect martialharmony.
  10. 10. Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) says in this regard:―Await the completion (climax) of the wife before disengaging, otherwise she will become your enemy.‖ –RIFAATUL-MUSLIMEEN.HEALTH CONSCIOUSNESSJust as important as cleanliness in before cohabitation, so is its importance thereafter. In this regard, afew important guidelines, if practiced diligently, would not only entail cleanliness and purity but alsoensure good health and saviour from many disease and illnesses.The author of SHURATUL-ISLAM states that the male and female should form the habit of passing waterafter intercourse, else they will fall victim to an un curable and fall to an un curable and fatal disease. Thereason and explanation of the above statement in the books of ―Tibb‖ (Islamic Medical Sciences) is that attimes a drop or few of semen remains within the canal, which leads too certain ailments. By urination, thecanal is cleared of all such drops. A statement of a similar nature is reported from Hazrat Ali RA.Faqih Abul-Laith Samarqandi(Rahimahumullah) states that after intercourse, the sexual organs shouldbe washed clean as this will ensure good health. However, immediately after copulation, the male shouldnot wash with cold water as this could result in fever. Either Warm water should be used or after aninterval, when the body temperature has returned to equilibrium, even cold water could be used.Furthermore, Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) taught the Sahaba that they should washthemselves after cohabitation otherwise they might contract a disease that may be difficult to cure.Immediately after copulation, no liquid should be consumed. This results in the illness of short breath.Therefore copulation should be avoided on a full-stomach. This causes dryness (Khushki) within the bodyand results in thirst, whence liquids cannot be resisted, the harm of which has just been explained above.Thereafter, both husband and wife should wipe themselves dry with a separate cloth. Wiping with thesame cloth results in marital conflict and discord-RIFAATUL-MUSLIMEEN on the authority of Hazrat Ali(Radiyallahu-Anhum).CONCEAL PRIVATE MATTERSA very shameless trend has emerged nowadays where members of both the sex narrate the details oftheir sexual encounters to friends and associates. This goes totally contrary to the dictates of Haya andmodesty; the outstanding branch of Iman. Such action should be shunned totally. This also gives othersan opportunity to meddle in the private affairs of the couple. This is an extremely sinful and detestable actin the sight of Allah.―Amongst the worst of people in Allah’s sight on the day on Qiyamah is that husband who indulges inprivacy with his wife and then reveals her to others‖ MUSLIMMORE THAN ONCEIf the couple wish to engage in sexual intercourse more than once then it is best that they take a bathbefore the second coitus. If not, then at least to perform wudhu. If not they should at least wash theirgenitals clean.
  11. 11. It is the experience of the elders that a person who re-engages in sexual intercourse without doing any ofthe above, the resultant off-spring will be mentally-retarded or will be niggardly in nature.The author of IHYA emphasizes that the least every couple should do before re-engaging in sexualintercourse is to pass water and wash their genitals clean without this they should not indulge in sex. Theresult will be harmful and detrimental to them.NUDITYTotal nudity during coition has been prohibited in Islam. Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) hasenlikened such an action to that of asses cohaviting in public.The progeny of such a couple will certainly turn out to be shameless and immoral.FACING QIBLAHDuring intercourse, precautions should be taken that the Qiblah is not faced. This is regarded as an act ofdisrespect (be-adabi) and should therefore be avoided as far as possible.Similarly, facing the feet in the direction of Qiblah, during intercourse or any other time is an undesirablepractice. This should always be borne in mind.INCORRECT POSITIONSThe various permissible positions have been discussed already under the relevant section (chapter 5.0).The standing posture, although permissible, is undesirable for intercourse due to health reasons.The author of TIBBUN-NABAWI writes that coitus in the standing posture causes the body to becomeweak. It also causes harm to the nerves and veins. He further writes that coitus on a full-stomach resultsin dim-witted, dull-minded progeny.Coitus in the standing position also causes the condition of Ra’sha (perpetual Tremor). This is probablydue to damage of the nerves and nervous-system.UNDESIRABLE ACTSIt is undesirable to talk excessively during intercourse. Talk should be limited to bare necessity. Islamadvocates dignity even at such occasions. Faqih Abul-Laith Samarqandi writes in his book BUSTAN thatexcessive speech during coitus could be the cause of dumbness in the off-spring to be. This habit shouldbe shunned.It is undesirable for both the partners to look at each others genitals. The author of SHRATUL-ISLAMwrites that looking (habitually) at the private parts of the woman could result in blind off-spring.
  12. 12. Although it is permissible for the husband and wife to look at every part of each others’ anatomy, it is anundesirable act from the moral point of view. Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) never lookedat Hazrat Aisha (Radiyallahnu-Anhum), nor did she look at him (at the private area).Many of the Ulema are of the opinion that looking at the wife’s genitals causes the eye- sight to weaken.EXCESSIVE SEXIslam promotes a life of balance and equilibrium. There is no place for extremes in any facets of life. Thisspirit of moderation permeates every teaching of Islam. Thus even in the issue of sexual relations,moderation would be the ideal recourse from the Islamic point of view.In this regard, the learned elders advice that the stimulus towards sexual desire should be analyzed andscrutinized carefully. If the stimulus is found to be related to an external source such as the sight of anattractive, shapely woman, sexually inciting conversations, pornographic material, etc; then this to beregarded as a false stimulus and should be ignored. This is a case of ―artificial‖ desire. On the other hand,if the stimulus is internal, the passion and desire growing from within, then it should be regarded as acase of genuine desire and hence to be satisfied. A feeling of gratification, fulfillment, satisfaction andserenity will be the result of such a union. Where as coition due to a false stimulus will cause weakness,restlessness and even physical damage to the human body.Faqih Abul-Laith Samarqandi (Rahimahumullah) reports from Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) in hisBUSTAN that the person that desires to maintain his good health for many years to come should: 1. Eat in the mornings and evenings only 2. Abstain from taking loans and debts (as these will cause him much anxiety and worries) 3. Desist from walking around bare-footed. 4. Reduce sexual intercourse to bare minimum.Excessive sexual intercourse results in the condition of premature ejaculation arising, which in turn is theroot to man physical, psychological and marital frustrations for both the husband and wife, with far—reaching repercussions. It should be avoided at all costs for a happy and stable marriage.HOW OFTEN?In the previous chapter, the importance of moderation and the harms of excessive sexual intercoursehave been highlighted. The question arises as to what could be termed as moderation and how oftenshould sexual intercourse take place in the ideal marriage?It is difficult to pronounce a hard and fast rule as far as this question is concerned. The answer will varyfrom individual to individual, keeping in mind the need of both husband and wife. However a generalguideline in this regard should serve as a source of guidance.According to scholars once a week is acceptable and falls within the ambit of moderation.Hakeem Jalinoos was once asked by someone how often should a person engage in sexual intercourse. Hereplied: Once in a lifetime. When he was asked again, he replied: Once every year. Once more he wasasked. He replied: Once a month. He was asked for a final time. He replied: Once a Week and a personthat goes beyond this doesn’t deserve to be counted amongst the living!(indicating there by that he wouldbe better off dead than alive due to the illnesses and weakness that would make his life miserable).
  13. 13. Hakeem Jalinoos was asked: What is true desire? He replied. When a person cannot differentiate betweensky and earth, that is true desire! In other words, the desire and urge is very strong and vehement…Even in the Ahadith there is a subtle indication where regarding Jumma the words: ―Ghasala wa waGhassala‖ are used; indicating that where a person takes a bath himself on Fridays, he causes his partneralso to take a bath (due to coitus). And Jumma comes once every week, hence coitus ought to take placeonce a week. And Allah knows best.PROHIBITED TIMESThe author of IHYA states:-It is Makrooh to indulge in sex during three nights of each month; the first, the last and fifteenth. It is saidthat Shaitaan is on the prowl on these nights. The undesirability of sex on these nights is narrated fromHazrat Ali, Hazrat Mulawiya and Hazrat Abu Huraiah (Radiyallahu-Anhum).The author of RIFAATUL-MUSLIMEEN states that in addition to the above; Wednesday nights and thenights of the two Eids must also be avoided. Also the night where after a person intends to go on ajourney on the next day should be avoided. Intercourse on these nights may have an undesirable effect onthe off-spring.It is reported in TIBBE-NABAWI that Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) advised Hazrat Ali(Radiyallahu-Anhum) not to cohabit on the fifteenth night as the shayateen appear in large number onthis night.In a footnote of SHAMAIL-TIRMIZI it is stated that if the child is conceived during salah times (Whenthe salah is neglected), the result will be a disobedient child.FANTASIZINGDue to the corrupt and immoral environment most people are living in these days, exposure to all kinds ofshameless filth in the form of videos, TV, films, plays, newspapers, magazines and even telephone lines(’s) has become a common trend.Hence many men and women indulge in fantasizing about others during sexual intercourse with their ownpartners. This is totally haram and a grave sin in Islam. It resembles zina and could veritably be termedthe zina of the heart or mind!This point in clearly verified from a Hadith of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that reads:” Togaze at a strange (ghair mahram) woman is zina (adultery) of the eyes,To listen to passion stirring words is zina of the ears,To converse with a strange woman (and derive pleasure there from) is zina of the tongue, To touch astrange women is zina to the hands,To walk towards her is zina of the feet,The heart desires and craves;The sexual organ then either testifies to these or denies them‖. –MuslimN.B. The ―desire and craving of the heart‖ as mentioned in this Hadith refers to fantasizing.
  14. 14. ANAL SEXJust as sex is prohibited during menstruation, anal sex, even though with one’s own partner is strictlyprohibited in the ShariahThis abominable deed has been denounced very emphatically by Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) in various Ahadith.―The person that has anal sex with his, Allah (Rabbul-Izzat) will not look at him with mercy on the dayof Qiyamah.‖ –Hadith―The person that has anal sex with his wife is Mal’oon (accursed)‖-ABU-DA’UDImam Ghazzali (Rahimahumullah) writes in IHYA that anal sex is even worse than sex duringmenstruation because this filthy act causes undue pain and difficulty to the woman.Even the male could become victim to various diseases and illnesses, some of them fatal and extremelydeadly. Today, medical research has discovered that the greatest risk factor of contracting AIDS-the killerdisease of the century-is anal sex; with or without protection! May we be sacrificed upon Allah and hisRasul for protecting our lives and health by strictly prohibiting us from this inhuman act.SEX DURING MENSTRUATIONThe Quran has emphatically prohibited sexual intercourse during menstruation:―Abstain (sexually) from women during menstruation‖ –2/222ALLAH (Rabbul-Izzat), the Creator of man, knows best what is beneficial and what is harmful to man.All objects of harm have been forbidden for man because they will cause him difficulty and hardship.Sexual intercourse during menstruation falls into this category.Today, many centuries later, medical science has discovered that the flow of menstruation contains certaintoxic matters that could be detrimental if they gain entry into the body of the male or is prevented a clearpassage of flow from the body of the female-both of which could easily occur if sexual intercourse takesplace during intercourse. It would thus pose a potential threat to both husband and wife. This very act is amajor contributing factor towards very painfuland often fatal veneral diseases. In fact, it’s effect is passedon even to the foetus.PREMATURE EJACULATIONPremature ejaculation is a sexual problem that could adversely affect the marriage. In prematureejaculation, semen is discharged immediately or very shortly after the commencement of sexual activity-within 30 to 60 seconds- whereas the normal period ought to be 2 to 3 minutes.Due to this condition, the woman remains sexually unsatisfied and this could lead to a problematic maritalrelationship. Furthermore, it is also a cause of not being able to have children. These have seriousimplications on the marriage and thus this situation needs to be remedied as swiftly as possible.There are two fundamental causes to this problematic condition:
  15. 15. 1. Thinness of semen 2. Weakness of nerves in the private organ; both these conditions can be remedied with suitable and authentic medical treatment.As for as thinness of semen is concerned, certain suitable foods and vitamins (Refer Chapter 8) shouldease the problem. Also excessive sex should most definitely be avoided as this will cause thinness of thesemen and weaken the nerves of the private organ which are the primary causes of premature ejaculationand eventually, sexual impotency.According to Hakeem Razi excessive sex will cause: 1. Young men to become old. 2. Old men to ―Sleep‖ forever (i.e. death) 3. Healthy men to become weak and sick 4. Weak and Sick men to perish;Therefore, until a strong, genuine, and persistent urge to indulge in sexual intercourse does not exist, itshould be avoided at all costs.SEXUAL POTENCYThe level of sexual potency varies from nation to nation, individual to individual. There are numerousfactors that are influential in this regard. Even geographical and climatic conditions play their role. Peopleof hot and humid areas such as the Arabs tend to have a higher drive than those from cold, wet areas.Some men are extremely virile while others have low libido. The same applies to women. However, on anoverall basis, women have a considerably a lower sexual urge than men.In certain instances when the woman has a higher sexual drive than a man, certain marital and healthproblems could arise. If this state of affairs is not remedied soon enough, the woman begins to despiseand ridicule her husband and may even begin to flirt and incline towards other men, Allah forbid! The manshould therefore utilize foods and vitamins that will enhance his flagging libido and hence improve hissexual life. In this way, the marriage will be saved from many calamities.VITAMINS FOR POTENCYOur food and diet plays the central role in sexual potency or impotency. Food is digested and convertedinto healthy or unhealthy blood. This blood then is converted into semen, the lifeblood of man’s sexualactivities. It is therefore imperative that such foods be ingested that become a source of healthy blood andsemen. Such foods that will grant strength to the body, the mind and the heart after sexual indulgence;because sexual indulgence weakens the human body considerably.An assortment of various suitable foods for sexual potency are now presented:GRAINS:- 1. Wheat 2. Chana 3. Peas 4. Beans 5. Rice 6. Sesame seeds (Tal)
  16. 16. GREENS 1. Onions 2. Garlic 3. Bindha 4. Pumpkin, Gourds 5. Turnips 6. Beetroot 7. Carrots 8. Potato 9. Ginger 10. CoconutFRUITS 1. Grapes 2. Mango 3. Pomegranate 4. Bananas 5. Figs 6. Apple 7. Pineapples 8. Sweet-Melons 9. GuavasNUTS AND SNACKS 1. Cashews 2. Peanuts 3. Wall nuts 4. Chilgoza 5. Dates 6. Raisins 7. Olives 8. Sultanas 9. HoneyANIMALS 1. All Halaal Birds 2. Chicks (baby chickens) 3. Pigeon 4. Duck 5. Fish 6. Red Meats 7. LiverDAIRY PRODUCTS 1. Milk 2. Sour Milk 3. Yogurt 4. Butter 5. Cheese
  17. 17. SPICES 1. Black pepper 2. Safron 3. Elachi 4. Lawang 5. Jaifal 6. Itr (Perfumes)Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) reports that once a person complained to Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that he had no children (probably due to lack of potency). Rasulullah(Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) advised him to eat eggs.On one occasion Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) complained to Hazrat Jibraeel (Alayhimus-Salaam) replied that he should eat Harisah, for it has the strength of 40 men. Harisah is a kind of thicksoup made of crushed wheat, mixed with meat, butter, certain spices, etc.HARMFUL FOODSThe following foods adversely affect sexual potency: 1. All sour fruits 2. Pickles (Achaar) 3. Chutneys 4. Amli 5. Vinegar 6. Red Chillies 7. ―Hot‖ Spices 8. Tea, Coffee, Caffeine Products 9. SaunfSEX-RELATED ILLNESSES, HEALTH HAZARDSAND GENERAL ISSUESTo indulge in any unnatural form of sexual gratification and to prevent the natural flow of semen results inveneral diseases and other related disorders.Excessive sex, ―filthy‖ literature, pornographic material, ―dirty‖ thoughts, fantasizing, etc. Cause a flow ofMazee (liquish matter preceding semen) to occur. This results in the semen becoming thin, which in turncauses premature ejaculation- a vicious chain-reaction of sexual problems!Moderate (or bare minimum) sexual indulgence is the key to good health and a happy life.Sour foods in abundance causes premature ejaculationSex during fever causes the fever to become excessive and could result in delirium.Immediately after sexual activity, partaking place where the sudden appearance of any strange person isvery likely, is undesirable and causes weakness to the body and nerves. Besides the harm, no pleasure isderived from such sexual indulgence.Sex on a full-stomach results in premature ejaculation. Besides this, weakness of stomach, indigestion,swelling of the liver and stomach are some of the resultant problems of the above-mentioned act.
  18. 18. Curbing the urge to urinate and indulging in sex in this condition cause infection and harm to the kidneys,bladder and urinary tract. Similarly to suppress the urge to defaecate and indulge in sex cause piles andother rectal problems. These should be avoided at all costs.To indulge in sex when the eye is sore results in the swelling and whitening of the eye.Even when the woman’s eye is sore, sex should be avoided. Hazrat Umma-Salma (Radiyallahu-Anhumreports that if any of the Holy wives’ eyes were sore, Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) wouldnot indulge in intimacy with them until they were cured. JAMI-E-KABEER.N.B. From this Hadith it is learnt that if the woman is ill or in pain and agony, sexual intercourse shouldbe avoided. Besides further deterioration of her health, it may strain relationships between husband andwife and no pleasure or satisfaction will be derived from such intimacy.If the woman makes istinja with cold water before sexual intercourse, she will be aroused and climaxquicker than normal. On the other hand, the man will slow down and slacken if he makes istinja with coldwater. He should thus avoid doing so immediately before sexual relations.Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) says: When a person intends to send a proposal for marriage, he must pray twoRakat prayers, praise Allah and recite the following invocation:Transliteration: Bismillah hir Rahmaanir Raheem.Allaahumma inni oreedo an atazawwaja faqaddirli minannisaa-e- a-affahunna farjawn wa ahfazahunna li finafseha wa maali wa aw sa-a-hunna li rizqan wa a-zamahunna li barakatan fi nafseha wa maali anna atrokofaqaddirli minha waladan tayyaban taj-alahu khalafan saalehan fi hayaati wa bada mauti.Translation: In the name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful.O Allah! I intend to marry. Therefore destine for me the most chaste of women and one who would, for mysake, guard herself and my property. Who shall be most auspicious for increase in sustenance and bounties.Then from her womb bestow a pure son who would be my sweet reminiscence in my life and after my death.
  19. 19. 01. INTRODUCTION:A. Who needs this book?This book is compiled for those intending to marry in the near future or the newly married people. In this shortHandbook we have tried to put things in a nutshell. It is recommended to do a detailed reading of other bookson Marriage, references of which are given at the end of this book.B. Why do we need to know the rules?It is the duty of every Muslim to follow the Islamic laws not only in matters of prayers and fasting but also in allhis actions. Islam has well defined rules about marriage and sex too. So if you want to follow Islam fully, thenyou must know the Islamic rules and regulations governing married life. Islam has never repressed the naturalfeelings of human beings but provides rules, which are divine.This will not only enable you to be faithful to your religion but would also shield you from the barrage of Sexliterature that portrays this natural instinct as one that must be left uncontrolled. Western sexual moralitypermits many things that are prohibited in Islam. The reason for the prohibition of certain actions is not to act asan infringement of an individuals freedom but because Islam is concerned not only with your physical wellbeing but also your spiritual enhancement. Moreover, we can see the degradation of society where absolutesexual freedom prevails.C. Main Objective of the book.The commencement of a new life takes place through marriage. If Islamic rules are known and followed, thechild born will be chaste. Insha Allah, our progeny can then be capable of being the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) andhis holy Ahlul-Bayt (a.s.) followers.02. IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM:The Holy Quran says: And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your maleslaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; andAllah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (Surah Nur 24:32)The above ayat begins with the words Wa Ankehoo (And marry ...) The imperative form of the word nikahimplies that either it is obligatory or highly recommended. According to scholars, though marriage is a highlyrecommended act, it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin.The Prophet says, "No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage."On another occasion the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who getmarried and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away frommarriage and are passing their lives as bachelors."Imam Ali (a.s.) exhorts, "Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet." The Prophet (s.a.w.) alsosaid, "Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition."A. Importance of sex in marriage.In Islam, marriage is not restricted to a platonic relationship between husband and wife, nor is it solely forprocreation. The Islamic term for marriage, "Nikah" literally means sexual intercourse. So why has Islamprovided extensive rules and regulation regarding sex? This was because Islam has fully understood that sexual
  20. 20. instincts cannot and must not be repressed. They can only be regulated for the well being of human beings inthis life and for their success in the hereafter.Sex in married life has been openly recommended in Quran, "When they [i.e., the wives] have cleansedthemselves [after menstruation], you go into them as Allah has commanded." (Surah Baqarah 2:222)B. Fulfillment of Sexual Urge.The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) and the Holy Imams (a.s.) also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill theirsexual urges in lawful ways as can be seen. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "O you young men! I recommendmarriage to you."Imam Reza (a.s.) said, "Three things are from the traditions of the messengers of God: using perfume, removingthe [excessive] hair and visiting ones wife."C. Celibacy and Monasticism is Forbidden.Islam is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. Uthman bin Mazun was a close companion of theProphet. One day his wife came to the Prophet and complained, "O Messenger of God! Uthman fasts during theday and stands for prayers during the night." In other words, she meant to say that her husband was avoidingsexual relations during the night as well as the day. The Prophet was angered. He did not even wait to put on hisslippers. He went to Uthmans house and found him praying. When Uthman finished his prayers and turnedtowards the Prophet, he said, "O Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with asimple and straight [Shariah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes mytradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions."D. Beneficial Effects of a Married Life.Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has alwaysmaintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways.Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "One whomarries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half." How true! Aperson who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.E. Marriage enhances the value of prayers.The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "Two rak ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil andthe fast of a single person." A woman came to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and said that she had tried everything toattract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay any attention to her. The Prophet (s.a.w.)told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse, which he described as follows: "When aman approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allahs views] he is like a warriorfighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree [in fallseason]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins."F. Marriage increases Sustenance.The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) remarked, "Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah makes their moralitybetter (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity(human values)."
  21. 21. 03. WHEN MUST WE MARRY?The proper time and age of marrying is when the individual reaches sexual as well as mental maturity. Mentalmaturity may mean the capability of establishing a cordial family life and the ability to fulfill rights of familymembers.The need of a spouse and family is a natural and instinctive need, which Allah through His Wisdom has placedin human beings and is awakened at its particular time and season, and makes its demand. If it is answered ontime and its requirement fulfilled, it traverses its natural course and makes the person perfect. If it is delayed oranswered in an incorrect and unnatural mode, it deviates from its natural course, and in surges and rebels, andnot only becomes corrupt itself, but also corrupts the man.Who is eligible to marry?For man to become eligible for taking a womans hand in marriage, Islam has several recommendations.According to Islamic laws, when a boy attains the age of fifteen, or becomes sexually potent, he is Baligh, andhas attained puberty. But this is not enough for entering into a contract of marriage.Apart from the laws related to puberty, there is a concept of Rushd which can be translated as capability of asensible conduct or maturity. A husband has to be Rashid and a wife Rashidah; so that the responsibilities ofmarried life are sensibly discharged. Books of Islamic law may be referred for exact details on physical andmental maturity.Recommendation for Early Marriage.Islam highly recommends an early marriage. Even those who feel they would not be able to bear the expensesof family are urged to repose faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rizq), and go for an earlymarriage.04. SELECTION OF SPOUSE:Now that we have seen how much importance Islam has accorded to marriage and marital life you wouldperhaps ask, "How do we select a spouse? What are the guidelines provided by Islam in this regard? Do we lookfor some particular characteristics or just try to get the best from the worldly point of view?"Are Pre-Marital contacts Necessary?Ali Akber Mazaheri writes: "The notion that a man and a woman must know each other before they decide tomarry, so that they may then be able to live happily together is an illusion. Had there been any element of truthand validity in this, the divorce and separation rates in societies, which practice it, would not have shown asteady rise. Similarly, the marriages which take place without such pre-marital contacts would not have beenknown to last happily."The Shariah permits the intended spouses to see each other for the purpose of selection and also permits askingand giving opinions if asked (without it being considered as Gheebat under certain conditions). We shouldnever resort to deceive the opposite party or conceal a defect during the selection process. Such things can haveserious ramifications if exposed after marriage.The school of Ahle-Bait (a.s.) has not left us to follow our whims and fancies. We have been taught the bestmethod of selecting a suitable spouse. The most important criterion is piety or religiousness.
  22. 22. A. Religiousness: The author of Youth and Spouse Selection says, "The person who does not have religion,does not have anything."When a man came to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) to seek guidance for selecting a spouse. He (s.a.w.) said, "It isbinding upon you to have a religious spouse."Knowing the human weakness for beauty and wealth, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) has forewarned, "A manwho marries a woman for the sake of her wealth, Allah leaves him in his own condition, and one who marriesher (only) for her beauty, will find in her (things) which he dislikes (unpleasing manners) and Allah will gatherup all these things for one who marries her for the sake of her faith (religiousness)."B. Good nature: Imam Reza (a.s.) wrote in reply to a person who had asked him if it was advisable to marry hisdaughter to a person known for his ill nature, "If he is ill-natured (bad tempered), dont marry your daughter tohim." The same will apply where the bride-to-be lacks a good nature. Such a woman, though she may bebeautiful and rich, would make the life of her husband miserable. She can never be patient in the difficulties thatarise in married life.C. Compatibility: The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) gave no recognition to class distinction, but in marriage, he stressedupon compatibility. The marrying partners must be Kufw of each other, so that there are no unnecessarymisgivings later. It is better for a religious woman who is committed to laws and principles to marry a man likeherself.A man questioned the Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.), "Whom must we marry?"He replied, "The suitable (matches).""Who are the suitable matches?"The Prophet (s.a.w.) responded, "Some of the faithful are match for others."Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said, "An intelligent and wise woman must not be matched except with a sage and wise man."D. Decent Family: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) has given great emphasis on taking into consideration agood family background when we intend to marry.He said, "Marry in the lap of a decent family, since the semen and the genes have effect."The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) also said, "Look very carefully and minutely as to where you are placing your childbecause genes and hereditary qualities are transferred in a concealed and unintentional way and have theireffect."E. Reason: The Commander of the Faithful, Imam Ali (a.s.) strongly forbade marrying a foolish and insaneperson. "Avoid marrying a stupid woman, since her company is a woe (distress) and her children too getwasted."F. Physical and Mental Health: Though religiousness and piety are most important, it does not mean that wetotally disregard the physical appearance and beauty of the prospective spouse.The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) says, "When one intends to marry a woman, he should ask about her hair, just as heasks about her face (beauty), since the hair is one of the two beauties (of women)."
  23. 23. G. Whom can you marry? "Islamic law has placed certain restrictions on the choice of your spouse dependingupon blood relationships and religious affiliations." Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi has summarized theselaws in a beautiful way:(a) Restrictions based on RelationshipThere are certain blood relations, which are considered Haraam for you as far as marriage is concerned. (As ageneral rule, anyone who is your Mahram is forbidden to you for marriage.) The list of such relatives is given inthe Quran as follows:For Man: mother, daughter, paternal aunt, maternal aunt, niece, foster-mother, foster-sister, mother-in-law,stepdaughter, daughter-in-law, all married women, sister-in-law (as a 2nd wife) (See the Quran, ch. 4, verse 23-24)For Woman: father, son, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, nephew, foster-mothers husband, foster-brother, father-in-law, stepson, son-in-law.(b) Restrictions based on ReligionA Shiah Muslim man can marry: a Shiah Muslim woman and a non-Shiah Muslim woman. However, if thereis danger of being misled, then it is Haraam.He can also marry a Jewish or Christian woman in muta only. But he cannot marry a woman of any other faith.A Shiah Muslim woman can marry: a Shiah Muslim man or a non-Shiah Muslim man, although it is better notto do so; and if there is danger of being misled, then it is Haraam. But she cannot marry a non-Muslim man.(c) Cousin MarriagesThough Shariah does not forbid marriage between first cousins, but there are opinions advocating against themmainly due to a probable risk of the offspring inheriting genetic defects/diseases.05. THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY:1. Engagement or Mangni: Does not qualify the future spouses to go out together, even if the parents consent.Man and woman become permissible for each other only after the performance of Nikah.2. Dowry: The unislamic system of demanding and accepting dowry must be avoided at all costs. Shariah doesnot make any expense incumbent on the bride/brides parents. Even the marriage expenses, it is recommended tobe borne by the bridegroom. However, the bride can bring whatever she wants of her free will, and it willalways belong to her.3. Other Unislamic Customs: Many other unislamic customs have crept into the marriage ceremony of someMuslims. These customs are either borrowed from non-Muslim cultures or continue because they areestablished in past generations. One must avoid them if they are against the Shariah, even if some people aredispleased. Other customs like the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature among the Islamic rituals. Allactions, customs etc., which show disrespect to Islam or weaken the importance of Islam, have to be avoided.
  24. 24. 4. Haraam Acts: Some of the rituals in marriage ceremonies are absolutely Haraam like the playing of music. Itis also Haraam for ladies to go for mixed gatherings without proper Hijab. Such things invite divine wrath andtake away the blessings of this auspicious occasion. In the Islamic Law, marriage is an Aqd, a contract. Thecomponents of this contract are as follows:A. Proposal: In Islam the process of proposal by a man to a woman for her hand in marriage, or for that matter,to her family, is encouraged. Islam considers this natural, and recommends it as an act of respectability anddignity for women.B. Mahr: And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride. The Quran says, And give womentheir Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it withenjoyment and with wholesome result. (Surah Nisa 4:4)The following points are worthy of consideration:a) Mahr must be agreed upon by the marrying partners themselves, not by parents.b) Mahr is her right, to which her husband remains indebted.c) It is a free gift and not her price.The Mahr may be cash, kind or non-material (like training or teaching something). It can be paid up front or canbe in form of promise to pay upon demands decided prior to the solemnization of marriage. Moajjal(immediate), Muwajjal and Indat-talab (on demand). However, it is much recommended to pay it before or atthe time of Nikah itself.C. The Nikah Ceremony: According to Shariah, the wife-to-be says, An Kahtu nafsaka alal mahril maloom.("I have given away myself in Nikah to you, on the agreed Mahr.")Immediately, the man (bridegroom) says, Qabiltun Nikaha. ("I have accepted the Nikah.")With these pronouncements, they become husband and wife.If the marrying partners are not able to recite the formula in Arabic, one or two persons or priests are appointedand authorized to officiate. One who represents the bride would first seek her explicit consent to officiate on herbehalf, and so would the other who acts on behalf of the groom. Naturally, there would be a slight variation inthe pronouncements, because the persons reciting them are appointees. A person who represents the bridewould initiate by saying, "Ankahtu muwakkilati muwakkilaka alal mahril maloom." ("I give away in Nikahthe woman who has thus appointed and authorized me, to the man who has authorized you, on an agreedMahr.")The grooms representative would respond, "Qabiltunnikaaha limuwakkili alal mahril maloom." ("I accept theNikah on behalf of the one who has appointed me, on the agreed Mahr.")It is mustahab to recite a brief discourse or Khutba before the Nikah formula is enunciated. In this Khutba,Allah is praised for His Wisdom in regulating the lawful process of procreation, and then the traditions from theProphet (s.a.w.) are also recited.D. Time of Marriage Ceremony: Though basically marriage is allowed at all times, there are some days onwhich marriage is not recommended; some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural, historicalreasons.
  25. 25. Generally, we can categorize these days into three: (a) There are some ahadith which say that it is makruh (notrecommended) to have a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of Scorpio (thisis known as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab), during the last two or three days of the lunar months, and onWednesdays. (b) There are certain days of the Islamic calendar, which have become associated with the earlyevents of the Islamic history; for example, the 10th of Muharram is the day of mourning for the massacre atKarbala or the day of the Prophets death in Safar, etc. Since such days are commemorated by the Muslims asdays of mourning, it is socially and, to some extent, religiously not recommended to have a marriage ceremonyon such days.The Shia Ithna Ashari (Twelver Shias), especially in India and Pakistan, rarely perform marriage ceremonybetween the 1st of Muharram and the 8th of Rabi al-Awwal as this period includes the mourning days ofMuharram culminating in the martyrdom of Imam Askari (a.s.). The 9th Rabi al-Awwal is celebrated as Eid-e-Zahra.If there is a need, however, Nikah, can be performed at any time.E. Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father: The girls consent is necessary and has to be taken by herrepresentative, directly.In case of a virgin/spinster the fathers or the grandfathers permission is also necessary. However if thepermission is unreasonably withheld under some conditions or the girl has no father/paternal grandfather it isnot necessary. However, a woman who is not a virgin, does not require any permission in case of remarriage.F. Valima (Dinner): Valima is highly recommended on the groom. The relatives, neighbors and friends mustbe invited for Valima. However, lavish spending is not advisable especially when the same money can be usedeffectively by the couple.06. THE WEDDING NIGHT:It is highly recommended that the wedding should take place at night. The hadith says, "Take the bride to hernew home during the night." When the bride enters the room, the groom is recommended to take off her shoesand wash her feet (in a washbowl) and then sprinkle the water around the room. Then he should perform wuzuand pray two-rakat sunnat prayer and then recite the following dua:Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa riz"aaha bi; warz"ini biha, wa-ajma baynana bi ahsane ijtimaain waanasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuhibbul halaala wa tukrihul haraam.O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bringus together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislikeunlawful things.Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two-rakat sunnat prayer.When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the brides forehead and pray the followingdua while facing the Qiblah.
  26. 26. Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tahlaltuha. Fa in qaz"ayta li minha waladan, faj-alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shiati Aal-i Muhammad (sal-lal-laahu alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-al lish Shaytaani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if Youhave decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of theFamily of Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far asthe Shariah is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a privatedecision between the newly wed couple; it has nothing to do with others.07. DAYS AND TIMES FOR SEX:A. When is Sex Forbidden?Islam has forbidden sexual intercourse during menstruation. The Quran says: They ask you about menstruation.Say: "Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the mensesand do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you gointo them as Allah has commanded you." (Surah Baqarah 2:222)According to the Shariah, the duration of the monthly period is between three to ten days. If the bleeding wasfor less than three days, it is not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days, then it is menstruation for theregular number of days and istehadha for the rest of the bleeding during which sex is permitted.The prohibition of sex during the periods is limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other intimate contact (withthe exception of the vagina and anus) is allowed. However, it is better not to play with her body between thenavel and the knees. If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period hasbegun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.It is clear from the verse mentioned above (until the blood stops) that once the blood has stopped, intercoursebecomes lawful even if the woman has not performed the major ritual ablution (Ghusl). But mujtahids say thatit is better to refrain from intercourse till she performs the Ghusl or, at least, washes her private parts.Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during the post-natal bleeding called nifas (maximum 10 days), duringdaytime in the month of Ramadan, and when a person is in Ihram during the pilgrimage to Mecca. At all othertimes, sexual intercourse is allowed.Times when Sexual Intercourse is Makruh:i. During frightful natural occurrences, e.g., eclipse, hurricane, earthquake;ii. From sunset till maghrib;ii. From dawn till sunrise;iii. The last three nights of lunar months;iv. Eve of the 15th of every lunar month;v. Eve of 10th Zil-hijjah;vii. After becoming junub.
  27. 27. B. Recommended Days and Times for Sex.We have certain ahadith, which say that it is better to have sexual intercourse at these times:i. Sunday night;ii. Monday night;iii. Wednesday night;iv. Thursday noon;v. Thursday night;vi. Friday evening;vii. Whenever the wife wants to have sex.C. When is it Obligatory to have Sex?It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of theconjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives herright.08. SEXUAL TECHNIQUES:There are no particular rules and laws either in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and rules are the onesreached by the lovers by mutual and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to boththe husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only limitationto this general rule would be any Shariah rule, which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.A. Foreplay is Highly Recommended:Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam Ali says, "When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rushbecause the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled)." Sex without foreplay has been equated tocruelty. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said, "Three people are cruel: .a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay."Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: "When anyone of you has sex with his wife,then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying."As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who discards shyness when she iswith her husband. Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) says, "The best woman among you is the one who discardsthe armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dressesup again." After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged inmutual stimulation, which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to beactive and responsive during sex. As for the Islamic Shariah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that theact of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexualintercourse. The operative word is mutual pleasure and satisfaction.B. Techniques of Foreplay:As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the Shariah allows the husband and thewife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each others body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known, isallowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim (a.s.) was once asked, "Can a person kiss his wifes vagina?" The Imam said,"No problem."
  28. 28. The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. The restriction on the use of foreign objects isbased on the following hadith. Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbor who owned a youngslave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. Shewould therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina, as she liked it. The old man complied with herwishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested Ubaydullah to ask Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) aboutit. When Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, the Imam said, "There is no problem as long as he uses any partof his own body upon her, but he should not use anything other than his body on her."Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of ones own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is notallowed, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husbands penis till theemission of semen or the husband stimulates his wifes vagina till orgasm. This is allowed because it does notcome under "self-stimulation;" it is stimulation by a lawful partner.C. Sexual Intercourse:Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse, which is forbidden in Islam? No! As far as the basic coitalpositions are concerned, there are no restrictions. The term basic coital positions denotes the positions knownas the man above, face to face, woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position inwhich the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the Shariah has left it on the husband and thewife to explore and experiment as they wish. However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face theQiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse. It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positionsgiven by some sexologists of the East and the West, which might even cause physical harm.Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position,then the other should yield to his or her feelings. It is highly emphasized that at the commencement ofintercourse the partners should recite Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem (In the name of Allah the Beneficent,the Merciful).D. Anal Intercourse:The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. The majority of the Shiahmujtahids have derived two conclusions: (1) that anal intercourse is not Haraam but strongly disliked (karahatanshadidah) provided the wife agrees to it. (2) and if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids say that it isprecautionarily wajib to refrain from it.However, during the last decade of his life, Ayatullah al-Khui departed from the majority view and gave theruling that it was precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to itor not.Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi says, "I would strongly advise against anal intercourse," and quotes thesaying of Imam Jafar as-Sadiq and Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of yourpleasure, therefore do not harm her."E. Hygiene:After the intercourse the partners may first wipe their genitals with clean pieces of cloth. It is recommended thatthe same cloth/towel must not be used by both of them.09. DUA FOR PREGNANCY:Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) has taught the following dua:
  29. 29. Transliteration: Allaahumma laa tadharni fardanw wa anta khairul waaretheen waheedanw wahsheeyanfayaqsuroo an tafakkori bal habli aafiyata sidqin dhokooranw wa onaathan aanaso behim minal wahshate waaskuno ilaihim minal wahdate wa ashkoroka Inda tamaame nematin yaa wahhaabo yaa azeemo yaa mo-azzamo thumma aateni fee kulle aafiyatin shukran hatta tabloghani minha riz"waanoka fee sidqil hadeetheadaaail amaanate wa waqaaain bil ahdeTranslation: O Allah! Do not keep me solitary though You are the best of Inheritors. I am alone and terrified ofloneliness. This worry has reduced my thankfulness to You. So bestow on me true forgiveness and give mefemale and male children so that by their company I can cure my terror of loneliness. By which my loneliness iscured. So that on the completion of this bounty I can thank You. O the greatest Giver, O the Greatest, O theBestower of greatness, after this bestows me with tawfeeq that I thank You for every kindness. Till I canachieve Your kindness by thankfulness, by speaking the truth, by returning trusts and by fulfilling oaths.10. CONTRACEPTIVES AND ABORTION:According to the Shiah fiqh, family planning as a private measure to space or regulate the family size for healthor economic reasons is permissible. Neither is there any Quranic verse or hadith against birth control, nor is itwajib to have children in marriage.A. THE CONTRACEPTIVE METHODS:Let us examine some of the most commonly used contraceptive methods and determine whether they arepermissible in Islam or not. It must be mentioned that we are studying the permissibility of these methods fromthe Shariah point of view only. For the medical opinion about the reliability or any side effects of thesemethods, the reader must consult his or her physician. Further each individual needs to check additionalconditions, which may apply as per his Marjaa.1. Oral Contraceptives:Birth control pills prevent conception by inhibiting ovulation. Since all such pills inhibit ovulation, there isabsolutely no problem in using them. However, the individual must consult the physician about possible sideeffects.The pills like the morning-after and RU486 may be taken after the intercourse BUT not after feeling orknowing that pregnancy has already occurred.2. Depo-Provera:Depo-Provera works exactly like the pills, but instead of taking it orally it is injected once every three months.This and other similar contraceptive methods by injection are also permissible.3. Intrauterine Devices (IUD):IUDs are plastic or metal objects, in a variety of shapes that are implanted inside the uterus. Since the sharipregnancy begins at implantation, there is no problem in using IUD as a birth control device.4. Barrier Devices:All barrier devices prevent the sperm from entering the uterus. This is done by sheathing the penis with acondom, or by covering the cervix with a diaphragm, cervical cap, or vaginal sponge. The use of spermicidalsubstances, which kill the sperm before reaching the ovum, is also a barrier device. There is absolutely noproblem in using these contraceptives either.
  30. 30. 5. Abstinence During Fertile Period:There are three basic procedures to predict ovulation so that sexual intercourse can be avoided during theapproximately six days of a womans most fertile monthly phase.These three methods are as follows:(a) Ovulation Method: A woman learns to recognize the fertile time by checking the difference in theconstitution of the cervical mucus discharge. The cervical mucus discharge signals the highly fertile period; andthus avoiding sex during the fertile days prevents pregnancy.(b) Rhythm Method: A method similar to the first, but it depends on observing the monthly cycles for a wholeyear to determine the fertile days.(c) Temperature: In this method, besides keeping a calendar record of her cycle, a woman also takes hertemperature daily to detect ovulation. She can know her ovulation whenever her basal body temperatureincreases.6. Withdrawal (Coitus Interrupts):Coitus interrupts means withdrawing the penis just before ejaculation. This was the most common method ofbirth control before the invention of modern devices. Muhammad bin Muslim and Abdur Rahman bin AbiAbdillah Maymun asked Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) about withdrawal. The Imam said, "It is up to the man; hemay spill it wherever he wants." Based on this hadith, the majority of our mujtahids believe that coitusinterrupts is allowed but Makruh without the wifes consent.All methods mentioned above do not involve surgical operation and they are also reversible. A woman (or man)using these methods can stop using them at anytime in order to have a child.7. Sterilization (Sterilization involves surgical operation:Sterilization in men, known as vasectomy, means the severing or blocking of the tube in the male reproductivetract. This tube or duct passes sperm from the testes to the prostate and other reproductive organs.Sterilization in women, known as tubal ligation, involves the blocking or severing of the fallopian tubes, whichtransport the ovum.The permissibility of sterilization depends on whether or not it is reversible.8A. Woman can Practice Birth Control:The wife has full right to the use of contraceptives even without the approval of her husband. However, sheshould not use a method, which may come in the way of her husbands conjugal rights. For example, she cannotforce him to use condom or practice coitus interrupts. This rule is based upon the principle that the extent of thehusbands conjugal rights over his wife is just that she should be sexually available, responsive, and cooperative.This right does not extend to that of bearing children for him. Bearing children or not is a personal decision ofthe woman; and therefore, she may use contraceptives provided they do not come in the way of her husbandsconjugal rights.8B. Abortion:Islams approach to the issue of birth control and abortion is very balanced. It allows women to preventpregnancy but forbids them to terminate it. Abortion after the implantation of the fertilized ovum in the womb isabsolutely forbidden and is considered a crime against the law of God, and the fetus.
  31. 31. 11. THE MAJOR ABLUTION (GHUSL JANABAT):A. INTRODUCTION: "Janabat" is a ritual impurity caused by the discharge of semen or by sexual intercourse;and the person on whom ghusl janabat becomes wajib is known as "junub". The Quran says:O you who believe! Do not go near prayers (salat) when you are... junub until you have washed yourselves.(Surah Nisa 4:43) O you who believe! When you stand up for prayers (salat), . . . if you are junub, then purify(yourselves). (Surah Maidah 5:6)B. THE CAUSES OF GHUSL JANABAT (There are two causes of janabat):1. Discharge of semen. It does not make any difference whether this discharge is while awake or in a wetdream, slight or profuse, intentionally or otherwise, in lawful way or unlawful (e.g., masturbation). In all thesecases ghusl janabat becomes obligatory (wajib).If a liquid comes out from a man and he does not know whether or not it is semen, then he should look for thefollowing three signs: (1) emission with passion; (2) spurting discharge; (3) feeling relaxed after the discharge.If these signs are found together on him, then he should consider the liquid as semen, otherwise not.If a secretion is discharged from a woman, then it is precautionary wajib for her to do ghusl janabat provided itcame with sexual passion and she felt relaxed after it. But if the secretion comes without the sexual passion orwithout the feeling of relaxation after the discharge, then it is not najis and therefore ghusl is not wajib uponher.2. Sexual Intercourse. It does not make any difference whether the intercourse was lawful or unlawful, and withor without discharge of semen. In Islamic laws, sexual intercourse is defined as the penetration of the glens intothe vagina or anus of the woman. That is, for ghusl janabat to become wajib it is not necessary that fullpenetration or discharge of semen should take place. In case of sexual intercourse, ghusl janabat becomes wajibon both the man and the woman.C. THINGS FORBIDDEN FOR A JUNUB (The following 4 acts are Haraam before performing the ghusl):1. Touching the writing of the Quran, the names and attributes of Allah, the names of the Prophet, the Imamsand Fatimah (the daughter of the Prophet).2. Reciting the verses of the Quran in which sajdah (prostration) is wajib. These verses are: verse 15 of chapter32; verse 38 of chapter 41; verse 62 of chapter 53; and verse 19 of chapter 96. It is better not to recite even asingle verse from these chapters.3. Entering or staying in the mosque. The Quran says, "O you who believe!...Nor (are you allowed to enter themasjid) if you are junub until you have washed yourself except passing through." (Surah Nisa 4:43) Based onthis verse and relevant ahadith, the mujtahids have concluded that a junub is totally forbidden from staying inthe mosque.Of course, as the verse says, one can pass through the mosques (by entering from one door and leaving from theother). However, this exception of passing through does not apply to the following places: the Masjidul-Haraam(the Sacred Mosque at Mecca) Masjidun-Nabi (the Mosque of the Prophet at Medina), and shrines of theImams. A junub cannot even pass through them.4. Leaving something in or taking it out from a mosque.
  32. 32. D. THINGS MAKRUH (DISLIKED) FOR THE JUNUB:1. Eating and drinking is makruh for a junub except after doing wuzu or gargling or rinsing the nose.2. Reciting more than seven verses from the Quran. This applies to other than the four chapters with wajibsajdah mentioned above.3. Touching the cover of the Quran.4. Sleeping without doing wuzu.E. THE ACTS WHOSE VALIDITY DEPEND ON GHUSL JANABAT:1. Salat (prayers) except salatul-mayyit (the prayer for a dead Muslim), which can be performed even in thestate of janabat.2. Wajib tawaf (the circumambulation of the Kabah in hajj).3. Fasting. If someone knowingly remains junub until dawn in Ramadan, his fasting will become invalid (batil).F. MANNER OF PERFORMING GHUSL:Ghusl is a ritual bath; it involves washing of the whole body. There are two methods of performing ghusl. Oneis known as ghusl tartibi, and the other is known as ghusl irtimasi.1. Ghusl Tartibi: means an ordinal bath, performed in three stages.After washing away the najasat (e.g., semen or blood) from the body and after niyyat, the body has to bewashed in three stages: First, head down to the neck; then the right side of the body from the shoulder down tothe foot; and lastly, the left side of the body.Each part should be washed thoroughly in such a way that the water reaches the skin. Special care should betaken while washing the head; the hair should be combed (e.g., with your fingers) so that water reaches the hair-roots. While washing the right side of the body, some part of the left side must be washed too, and also, whilewashing the left side of the body, some part of the right side must be washed.2. Ghusl Irtimasi: means a bath involving immersion of the whole body in the water. It is needless to say thatsuch a ghusl can only be done in a body of water, e.g., a pool, river, lake or sea.After washing away the semen or blood from the body and after niyyat, the whole body should be completelyimmersed in the water all at once, not gradually. One has to make sure that the water reaches all parts of thebody, including hair and the skin under it.However, ghusl tartibi is preferred to ghusl irtimasi.G. RECOMMENDABLE ACTS OF GHUSL (These recommendable acts are five):1. Washing both hands upto the elbows three times before the ghusl.2. Gargling three times.3. Wiping the hands on the whole body to ensure that every part has been thoroughly washed.4. Combing the hair with the fingers to ensure that the water reaches the hair-roots.5. (For men only) Doing istibra before ghusl janabat. Istibra, in the present context, means, "urinating." Thebenefit of istibra: If a liquid comes out of ones penis after completing the ghusl, and he doubts whether it issemen or urine, then should he repeat the ghusl or not? If he had done istibra before the ghusl, then he can
  33. 33. assume that the liquid is urine he will not have to repeat the ghusl; he just has to do wuzu for his salat. But, onthe other hand, if he had not done istibra before the ghusl, then he has to assume that it is the remnant of semenand he will have to do the ghusl again.12. MUTUAL RIGHTS AND BEHAVIOUR:Remember that the bride has just left her loved ones. She might be new to this place. So she deservesconsideration and a chance to adjust herself in the new environment.Mulla Mohsin Faiz Kashani in his book, Al Waafi in the chapter of "A Womans right over her Husband" writesthat it is narrated from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) that some people inquired from him regarding the rights of awife over her husband. He (s.a.w.) answered, "He should overlook her minor faults and if she commits a majormistake then he should forgive her."Shahab Abdo Rabbeh relates that I asked Imam Sadiq (a.s.) concerning the rights of a woman over her husband.He (a.s.) answered, "He should fulfill all her basic necessities and must not terrorize her by getting angry timeand again. i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by Allah, he hasfulfilled his wifes rights."The importance of observing the rights of a wife can be gauged from the hadith of the Messenger of Allah(s.a.w.) wherein he says, "The best among you is the one who observes the rights of his wife in the best possibleway and I am the best among you to observe the rights of my wives."A. The Importance of helping ones wife at homeOne day the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) paid a visit to the house of Imam Ali and Fatemah (s.a.). He saw thatImam Ali (a.s.) was sieving the pulses and Fatemah (s.a.) was busy cooking. On observing this Holy Prophet(s.a.w.) remarked, "O Ali, I do not speak except what is revealed to me. Anyone who helps his wife in herdomestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship equal to the amount of hair on his body. This year ofworship will be as if he has fasted during its days and prayed during its nights. Allah will reward him equal tothe reward of all the patient ones, Hazrat Dawood (a.s.) and Hazrat Isa (a.s.)."B. Consequence of Ill Behavior with the FamilyImam Reza (a.s.) says, "Every man should strive to make his wife and children comfortable according to hiscapacity for if he is strict and unkind to them and because their rights are being deprived they will desire hisdeath."When Saad ibne Maaz, the great companion of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) expired, he (s.a.w.) himselfparticipated in the funeral procession and shouldered his bier quite a few times with considerable respect. Thenhe laid it in the grave and buried him with his own hands. On seeing the zeal of the Prophet (s.a.w.), the motherof Saad cried, "Congratulations, O my son on gaining paradise." On hearing this the Messenger of Islamretorted, "Wait, do not make haste in divine affairs. Your son is in great agony and anguish at the moment."When the people inquired about the reason for this condition he (s.a.w.), replied, "He behaved very badly withhis family members."
  34. 34. C. Rights of the Wife According to Imam Sajjad (a.s.)"It is the right of your wife that you should know that Allah has made her for you a tranquility and comfort (inworry), and a friend and shield (against sins).And likewise, it is incumbent upon both of you to thank Allah for your partner and to know that (the spouse) isa grace of Allah upon you. And it is obligatory to have good fellowship with this grace of Allah (i.e. wife), andto respect her and be kind to her, although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is final inall your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has the right of love and fellowship, and a place ofrepose (i.e. house) so that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in itself is a great duty. And there is nostrength but by Allah."D. Husbands rights over his WifeThe rights of a husband over his wife are numerous. The most important among them is related to havingphysical relationship with her. The duty of a wife is to submit herself physically before her husband. This rightof the husband i.e. of having a physical relationship with his wife, as and when he wants, is obviously areciprocation of her feelings. In absence of her husband the duties of the wife include the protection of hisrights, status, wealth and respect. She must not spend his wealth without his permission nor must she reveal hissecrets. Rather she should be his closest confidante.She must not let anybody inside the house without his permission in his absence. For, doing so would lead to alot of misunderstandings, which would have drastic repercussions on the sacred contract of marriage. She mustvalue his ideas, plans and provisions that he has prepared for her and other family members and obey him underall circumstances. She must not disobey him come what may nor must she do any such thing which detractshim. Rather she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life ofharmony.Imam Baqir (a.s.) says that once a lady inquired from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) regarding the rights a husbandenjoys over his wife. He (s.a.w.) said, "First and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain fromdisobedience. She must not donate anything from his house without his permission nor can she keeprecommended fasts without his approval. She must NEVER deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of itspleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the heaven and the earth, of wrathand mercy, curse her till she returns to her house."E. The Importance of obeying ones HusbandImam Sadiq (a.s.) says that a group of people paid a visit to the Messenger of Islam and said, "O Prophet ofAllah, we have seen such people who prostrate before each other." The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) answered, "If atall I could permit prostration before anyone except Allah, the Creator, I would have ordered the wives toprostrate before their husbands."The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) is also reported to have said, "A wife who gives her husband water to drink attains areward of one year of worship, a year whose nights were passed in prayers and days in fasting. In exchange ofone drop of water which she provides for her husband one city is built in paradise for her and sins of sixty yearsare forgiven."The author of Makaremul Akhlaq narrates on the authority of Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.), "The Jehaad ofwomen is to be patient while facing the difficulties of life with their husbands."