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  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • My name is Kevinjohn Gallagher. I’m a Business Transformation Consultant, working for Edinburgh based agency “Pure Web Brilliant”. Before we really get into the meat of the presentation, like every good narcissist I wanted to talk about myself for just a moment.
  • Twitter address
  • I talk like I’m cutting wrestling promos.
  • And I will swear.I also want to warn you that I have a potty mouth, if you are easily offended may I suggest the track next door on Kitten in PHP.
  • I do have a tendency to get on my soap box about idiotic decisions,
  • See I’m ok being the vocal minority
  • I fully admit that I’m not the smartest person in the room
  • And that my presentations are a bit like Cosplay
  • Some bits you’ll like
  • Some parts you don’t
  • Some just confuse the shit out of you
  • You see, it’s important to remember that as much as we speakers think we’re Stan Lee, we’re actually the fat guy in the 70s Wolverine costume.
  • Speaking of fat men in wolverine costumes: FANBOYS
  • You’ll see something things you like
  • You’ll see some things you wont
  • If you hear something you didn’t expect
  • Don’t get Mad
  • Don’t get personal
  • Instead why not ask a question
  • Or post it to twitter and I’ll try and answer it later
  • There’s also no free pen.As a quick side note, this being an Ubuntu pen, we are contractually obliged to say that it’s the best pen in the world and this year is going to be the year of the Ubuntu pen, just like last year was the year of the linux based pen, as was the year before and the year before that…
  • Now that we’ve all woken up after lunch, we can start I present to you “The Emperor’s New Clothes”
  • Or where we ask” Are we doing the cool thing, or the right thing? “
  • I’m here to start kick-start conversation
  • Not create consensus.
  • The format is simple, it’s a Tonight Show Top 10,
  • This presentation was originally aimed at American audiences
  • I also want to caveat that while I try and keep this talk is as up to date as I can…
  • Some things don’t age as well as others…
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly
  • Or the Field of Dreams slides
  • Carrot and Stick
  • we don’t like it.
  • I know what you’re thinking
  • IN the same way we all know what David Cameron is thinking
  • no Kev, what about Darwinism?
  • Humans embrace change !!
  • That’s just plain wrong
  • See this is not Agile
  • This is Wax on, Wax Off
  • A Carrot and Stick approach
  • Chis Heilman
  • Bubble BobbleI love bubble bobble, it was a defining moment in my growth when as a horny teenage I learned to jump from one bubble I’d blown to another bubble I’d blown.
  • The Stick
  • This should be a picture of a stick
  • Upgrade now.Zombies, Viruses, and Zombies, and Osamab Bin Laden.
  • Technology X wont work if you don’t upgrade !!!
  • POPUPSI don’t know about you, but I’ve spent a good part of the last 10 years continually telling my friends and family to NOT click anything that popups up telling them to upgrade something, or that they’re the lucky winner, or that there is a virus on their computer.
  • In what fucking universe is this a good idea?
  • Seriously, who the hell do you think you are
  • You Don’t know your users actually are
  • People are not going to do what you tell them
  • Change is very hit and miss, and Return on Investment is measured by each individual
  • Change doesn’t happen quickly.
  • Just because you think something is a perfect fit, doesn’t mean everyone will
  • If you want to create real change…
  • Then you have to give something useful to them
  • Something that they intrinsically want
  • And not some shit that you think is cool
  • If you’re building websites for just the latest browsers, you’re just playing with yourself.
  • Unless we give people a reason that they can identify with
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Basic
  • Standard
  • Basic Vampire
  • Standard Vampire (shoot me please)
  • Remember, Andy wanted Buzz
  • But he needed Woody
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • If it was about Screen Size then it wouldn’t be anything that we didn’t get rid of 10 years ago (hello, DreamWeaver’sDocument.reloadclusterfuck).
  • Rejoice, the CSS2 spec DID include context variables:media: handheld, screen, tv, print But after years of research, these were dropped by some small companies that according to our web design community know nothing about what Mobile Users want…
  • Add Logos
  • Lolcats – the point of the internet
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • OGG, MP4, VP8, and…
  • Old testament = W3C
  • New Testament = What working group
  • After a few years of “friendly” disagreement
  • One side won.
  • 2 becomes 1
  • A bit of a Prick who has a God Complex.
  • Ian Hixie
  • TIME
  • Changed on a whim to DATA
  • So what we had was a tag of data
  • Called data.
  • Until we have a method to actually write the spec and ditch the flame wars
  • HTML5 will be nothing but Vaporware
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Can we please stop the buzzwords!
  • I know we want to believe that our client is this guy, yeah he’s old but he’s hip enough to have a website
  • But there’s a really good chance its actually THIS guys.
  • Just because you use a word one way, doesn’t mean that everyone sees it the same way
  • It’s all about perception !
  • Look I love Zeldman as much as everyone else,.
  • but can we please just treat people like normal people?
  • The only way that Open Source and the Open Web is going to thrive is if we …
  • Stop shooting clients and our families down for not knowing what we know.
  • Don’t be a dick, it’ll kill you
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Quick Dick tes
  • Who here has ever described themselves as a Ninja, a Jedi?
  • Doesn’t that seem really obvious as to where the problem there lies??
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • If someone is charitable enough to give their software away for free then thats wonderful, but Business cases built on oxymorons have a tendancy to fail in the most moronic ways.
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Upgraded Tank
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Pure Web Brilliant
  • Any issue can be overcome, regardless of how large the issue or small the timeframe.
  • Scotty knows where to look to solve issues
  • Scotty has the expertise to fix the issue
  • Scotty is willing and able to get his hands dirty
  • Kirk Panics
  • Kirk Micromanages
  • Sometimes Managers need to be restrained
  • Any issue can be overcome, regardless of how large the issue or small the timeframe.
  • Kirk went on away missions
  • Kirk understood client could be unrationale
  • Scotty spent all day playing with computers
  • And then in Start Trek 5 or 6 while walking around his creation he said:
  • bbPress
  • And don’t let Spock anywhere near the client.He doesn’t know what he’s doing
  • And has a tendency to be up his own arse.
  • They try to brute force solutions
  • They are good at Spotting issues before they arise
  • They may develop a God complex, but sometimes they pull that off
  • You need the right Balance to succeed
  • On that Star Wars note, this is us nearing the end
  • I’m sure there’s a few things in here that you didn’t like
  • I promise you’ll see something you’ll like
  • What I REALLY want you to take away from all of this is:So before you go running in to your next project.
  • Is doing the good thing
  • The same as doing the right thing !
  • Rarely

Emperors new clothes_jab Emperors new clothes_jab Presentation Transcript

  • The Vocal Minority
  • The Emperor’s New Clothes @ J and Beyond May 2012
  • The Tonight Show: Top 10• Responsive Design is Irresponsible• Why Free is too Expensive• Browse Crappy• Why you have to be High to use HTML5?• Justified: Why you’re the client from Hell• Basic != Standard• Good developers don’t make good Jedi Knights• Upgrades of Mass Destruction• Lies, damned lies, and Open Source Statistics• The Kobiyashi Maru
  • Lets get ready to Rumble…Which depending on your age means…
  • (if you’re over 30)
  • (If you’re under 30)
  • Ch… Ch… Ch… Changes• Humans hate change• In order for any change to take place, there needs to a Return on Investment.• This only occurs when the cost to change is less than the cost of not changing.• Lack of change is not Laziness or Fear• Change decisions are all about Context
  • HTML5 for XP .com• Rounded corners, gradients and drop shadows without graphics• Rich graphs and visualisations using Canvas and SVG.• Games that dont ask you to install plugins.• 3D graphics and support for any font• Drag and drop and touch support for tablets.
  • Group Exercise !• What POSITIVE reasons can you give your GRAN to convince her to upgrade her browser?
  • Group Exercise !• What NEGATIVE reasons can you give your GRAN to convince her to upgrade her browser?
  • Premise• Responsive Design is the ability to apply different CSS styles based on media queries• e.g.
  • Why this appears awesome:• Mobiles – Responsive Design allows designers and front-end developers to react to mobile devices.
  • Call a spade, a spade• When we say “responsive”, what we are really talking about is, “Mobile”.• Or specifically, “same content, different design”.• It works on the premise that the ONLY difference between a desktop and a mobile browser is screen size.• Non-Desktop users: – rarely use a Human-Computer-Interaction device – are almost always looking for different information – are rarely on broadband
  • Proof of Paradox• It’s not about Screen Size, it’s about Context.• We had Screen Size specific 10 years ago, so it’s definitely about Context and not Screen Size.• Except, the only way to test for Context is to test for Screen Size.• So in order for it to not be about screen size, it needs to be measures and identified by screen size.
  • Who you gonna call?• These companies, say that their users don’t like to be treated differently unless it’s in their best interests.• Not with a visual, but a data & architectural change.
  • So…• in order to change the visual elements under the premise of it being about Context and not Screen Sizes, we have to map Screen Sizes to our predefined Context, and then use Screen Sizes to decide what to display – which was exactly what we said it wasn’t doing.• It’s also exactly what our users don’t want.
  • Irony in Images• Responsive Design was invented for designers/front- end coders to not be reliant on developers for multiple versions of websites.• One of the major downfalls of RWD is Images.• Inline images work best for responsive design, using the code: – img.className { max-width: 100%; }
  • • By this method, the same image is on all site versions.• Do you load an image that’s high quality, and destroys your bandwidth on a mobile?• Or do you load a low quality one that looks poor on a desktop?• Or do you attempt to load multiple images and display/hide the correct one as needed?• None of these work well. So you have to use a technical solution to request the right type of image.
  • Conclusion• Responsive Design = “same data, different display”.• But it can’t take into consideration: – Bandwidth – Platform – Device – Purpose – Context• It wants to, but all it knows is Screen Size.• Those require decision making processes, something that CSS simply isn’t built for.
  • • It has to be about Information Architecture.• It can’t be done by CSS alone.• CSS wasn’t intended nor built for that purpose• We need to stop shoe-horning shit into the CSS specs• We’ll end up at a place where each browser supports only the code they want to and in the way they want to
  • Agile? More like Fragile• Work started in earnest in 2004• First Draft published in 2008• 4 years later, still no definitive spec
  • HTML5, it’s not ready.
  • Justified• CLIENT: “I don’t like the type.”• ME: “What don’t you like.”• CLIENT: “I don’t like how it goes all to one side.”• ME: “You mean ranged left.”• CLIENT: “Yes, yes, arranged left.”• ME: “How do you want it?”• CLIENT: “To be the same on both sides.”• ME: “Justified?”• CLIENT: “I don’t have to justify anything! I own the fucking company.”
  • • Jargon free isn’t enough• We still treat people as if they have what WE consider to be a base level of knowledge.
  • Premise• What makes a good developer?• What makes a good Jedi Knight?
  • In the real world…• What makes a good Project Manager?• What makes a good Tester?
  • Premise• I can’t see the word “free” in “Open Source”• There’s a growing sense of entitlement that software should have no cost.• Worse, we now expect people to give support and updates for free… forever!• We’ve stopped looking at the business cases around the software we’re hoping to use.
  • • We favour the cheap option over expensive software that aligns better with our needs.• “premium” and “freemium” plug-ins are decried unless their cost is so small and their features so great that the Return on Investment is insanely large.• That’s not a business model that can continue to perpetuate itself in the long run.
  • How often have you thought this? • I can’t believe that plug-in costs money!! • I could do that myself 2-3 hours! • I mean, look at the other free versions, they haven’t been kept up to date, but appear to do the same thing. It’s a rip-off !
  • Listen to Bowie• How much do you charge an hour?• How long do you think it would take you to plan, code, test and deploy your version?• Divide the cost of your purchase by how long you think it would take you to develop. Which is more?
  • • Open Source is not yet taken seriously as a viable business model, and we need to make a mental shift.• We need to accept that “Open Source Software” does not contain the word “free”, and that my time, your time, and other people’s time is worth more than “nothing”.• Don’t value free over not free: it’s an oxymoron!
  • • A change that results in no net increase is not an upgrade• A change that is neither forward nor backward compatible is not an upgrade• A change that alienates a percentage of users is not an upgrade
  • Every week on Star Trek• Kirk: Mr. Scott, How long until X?• Scotty: 3 weeks captain.• Kirk: I need it in 4 minutes• Scotty: I just cannae do it captain• Kirk: I need it Mr.Scott• Scott: Oh you need it? let me just flick this switch
  • Star Trek management perspective We have generations of managers who have been brought up to believe: • Management is always right • Authority trumps Expertise • Delivery is always the most important KPI • Any issues can be overcome in Any time period
  • Every week on Star Trek• Kirk: Mr. Scott, How long until X?• Scotty: 3 weeks captain.• Kirk: Why so Long Mr. Scott• Scotty: Well I want to code this right by using OOP, and it’s a good chance to try out Ruby on Rails and if we upgrade to Apache…• Kirk: Can’t we just use our existing Framework?
  • Star Trek engineering perspective We have generations of engineers who have been brought up to believe: • Management are idiots • Expertise trumps Authority • Quality is always the most important KPI • It’s more important to do it right than do it fast
  • • Ensure your team has the right balance• Listen to different people at different stages of projects• Remember why Spock is second in command• Remember why Bones can take control at any time &• ONE WOMAN ON YOUR TEAM IS NOT ENOUGH !
  • Hicks 3:16• Some people believe they are Napoleon• That’s fine.• Beliefs are neat.• Cherish them• But don’t share them like they’re the truth !