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Managing Conflicts And Difficult People

Managing Conflicts And Difficult People



ABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009...

ABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009

*Know the personalities of the people you are dealing with
*Understanding the body languages
*Avoid stress/conflict/burnout in workplace & managing depression



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Managing Conflicts And Difficult People Managing Conflicts And Difficult People Presentation Transcript

  • MANAGING CONFLICTS AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE ABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009 Kenny Ong CNI Holdings Berhad www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • About: CNI
    • 20 years old
    • Core Business: MLM
    • Others: Contract Manufacturing, Export/Trading, eCommerce, F&B Retail
    • Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia, India, China, Hong Kong, Philippines, Italy, Taiwan
    • Staff force: ± 500
    • Distributors: 200,000
    • Products: Consumer Goods and Services
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Before we start
    • “ You can get anything in life that you want if you can help enough people get what they want”
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Objectives
    • People Skills
    • Managing Conflicts and Difficult People
    • Avoiding Stress
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Introduction: People Skills Why is it so important to us? www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Management Skills www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Conflict Mgmt 7. Career 6. Attitude 5. Discipline 4. Relationship 3. Time 2. Boss 1. Job What to Manage?
  • Law of the Ping-Pong Ball a.k.a. Law of Cause and Effect
  • Managing your Relationships
    • Basics of Relationships
    • Why?
    • Good performance & skill won't get you very far. You need others to succeed
    • You cannot get people to listen to you if they don't like you.
    • And if they don’t listen to you, you won’t accomplish anything!
    • Relationships = Expectations.
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • But first…Do you know yourself?
    • Strengths? Limitations?
    • Good listener?
    • Emotionally stable?
    • Biases or Prejudices?
    • What is “Fair”?
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Managing your Relationships: People Skills
    • People are interested in themselves, not in you
    • What is the most interesting subject in the world to them? THEMSELVES
    • Take four words out of your vocabulary: “I, me, my, mine” and substitute for the most powerful word: “YOU”
    • Remember that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you.
    • Avoid arguing.
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Communication SF LINA L isten with interest and praise make the person feel I mportant use their N ame A sk questions www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Influence SF PASSE P raise and encourage A sk questions allow the person to S ave Face use S MART goals E ncourage small improvements www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Personality SF S + FH + C S mile F irm H andshake C ompliment www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Understanding Yourself and Others - Personalities www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Handout 1: Personality Types Closed Open People Task Perfect: Melancholy Powerful: Choleric Popular: Sanguine Peaceful: Phlegmatic
  • Understanding Yourself and Others - Motives www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Handout 2: McClelland Motive Self Assessment Handout 3: Motive Profiles Overview Power (nPow) Achievement (nAch) Affiliative (nAff)
  • Active Listening
    • Attending
    • Paraphrasing
    • Speaking
    • Clarifying
    • Asking
    • Encouraging
    • Reflecting
    • Summarizing
    Personal Tip: ‘Picking’ www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Understanding Conflicts What is…, Sources of…, www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Why do Conflicts happen? Unrealistic Expectations Inadequate Resources www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com CONFLICTS Lack of Cooperation Reduce Energy
  • Why do Conflicts happen? Unrealistic Expectations
    • ‘ I am always right’ opinion
    • Do not understand ourselves
    • Do not understand others
    • Different backgrounds
    • Aggressive, Selfish, Stubborn
    • Win-lose mentality
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Conflict: Good or Bad?
    •  Good
    • Clarification
    • Release emotions
    • Release stress
    • Understand each other
    • Build cooperation & trust
    • Develop problem solving
    • Create energy
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Conflict: Good or Bad?
    •  Bad
    • Diverts energy
    • Polarizes groups
    • Deepens differences
    • ‘ Either-Or’ positions
    • Always right mentality
    • Develop negative feelings
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Conflict: Good or Bad?
    •   Very Very Bad
    • Informal discussions
    • Mis-information
    • Positions
    • Factions
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Sources of Conflicts www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Instrumental Interest Personal
  • Sources of Conflicts
    • Goals
    • Means
    • Procedures
    • Structures
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Instrumental
  • Sources of Conflicts
    • Money
    • Time
    • Staff Space
    • Importance
    • Ownership
    • Competence
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Interest
  • Sources of Conflicts
    • Identity
    • Self-image
    • Loyalty
    • Confidence breach
    • No respect
    • Friendship Betrayal
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Personal
  • Managing Conflicts and Difficult People The world is full of people who don’t like you… live with it. www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • But First…
    • Do you want to maintain the relationship?
    • Yes? No?
  • 1. Compromise, if possible
  • 2. Win-win, if possible
  • 3. Adapt, to different people
  • 4. Hide your Ego
  • 5. Lower your Expectations
  • 6. Find Common Ground
  • 7. Same Destination, Different Paths
    • “ I understand …”
  • 9. Accept the fact
  • 10. Face
  • How to avoid getting killed by stress Avoid stress, conflict, and burnout in the workplace www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
    • Understand and use People Skills
    • ‘ Me’ Sdn Bhd
    • Rules of Work
    • Bad Bosses
    • Who are you working for?
  • 2. ‘Me’ Sdn Bhd
    • Who do you work for?
  • 3. Rules of Work
    • Rule 38: Don’t let it get to you
    • Rule 60: Know when to let go
    • Rule 76: Don’t bad mouth your boss
    • Rule 77: Don’t bad-mouth your team
    • Rule 78: Accept that some things your bosses tell you to do will be wrong
    • Rule 93: Maintain good friendships and relationships (if possible)
    • Rule 101: Remember that we are all humans
    Refer to Handout 7 for detailed explanation
  • 4. Bad Bosses
    • If none of these strategies work, you have two choices:
    • Choice A - If you have good personal reasons for staying in your job -- you love your work, you're learning a lot, you like the people you're working with -- you can hold your nose and ignore your boss as best you can.
    • Choice B - Or, you can quit: life is too short too deal with this kind of abuse.
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com Refer to Handout 8 for detailed explanation
  • 5. Who are you working for? End Notes www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Manage Stress and Avoid Depression
    • Decide on your Life priorities.
    • Remember who you are really working for.
    • Go home.
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Who are you really working for?
    • “ Anyone can become angry –that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.”
    • Aristotle
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Endnote
    • The rest is up to you.
    www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
  • Thank You. soft copy of slides: http://totallyunrelatedrandomanddebatable.blogspot.com