What is abuse? Dating or domestic abuse occurs when one partner uses different types of abusive behavior to gain power and control over the other partner. Dating or domestic violence is a pattern of behavior that can include emotional/mental/verbal, financial, physical, sexual, and social abuse.
Types of Abuse
Emotional/Verbal/Mental- Name calling, put downs, threats to suicide, threats to spread rumors, blaming the other person, constant accuse of cheating.
Sexual abuse-ignoring partners sexual choices, sexual assault, sexual harassment.
Financial Abuse- controlling all money, controlling possessions, using gifts to make up for abuse, sabotaging partners work or school
Social Abuse- spreading rumors, monitoring cell phone, isolating partner from their friends/family, using religion/culture to control partner.
Signs of abuse
Jealous and possessive
Wont let you have friends
Puts you down
Scares you, threatens you
Uses guns or weapons
History of fighting
Pressures you for sex
Makes you feel like its your fault and you should be the sorry one
How many teens actually go through this?
1 in 4 adolescents reports sexual, verbal, physical, or emotional abuse each year.
1 in 11 high school students reports being physically hurt by someone they were dating.
1 in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
Why don’t most teens speak up?
They don’t understand why they are the victim
Threats from the abuser
Shame or confusion
Feared that their parents will prevent them from seeing the abuser
Feared that they will loose privileges
Why is it so hard to leave the abuser?
Love- the victim is in love with their abuser and think that they can change them
Fear- the partner may threaten suicide if the victim leaves, or threatens to harm the victim even more.
Doubt- the victim doesn’t want to admit that they are being abused
Embarrassment- teens may feel like they have failed
What's the cycle?
Abuse-The abuser lashes out with violent behavior.
Guilt- The abuser feels guilty because he/she doesn’t want to get caught or face consequences.
Excuses- The abuser makes up excuse for abusing the victim or to blame the victim.
“Normal” behavior- The abuser does everything he/she can to control and keep the victim in the relationship.
Fantasy and planning- The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing the victim again.
Set up- The abuser sets up the victim and puts his/her plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing him/her.
How does someone escape the abuse? Admit to yourself that your partner is capable of abuse Learn to love yourself again Make friendships outside of your abusive relationship Gain financial independence, be able to support yourself. Let the abuser know that you don’t want to be in a relationship with him/her. Plan your escape.
How does someone get help from an abusive relationship?
LoveisRespect.org National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline- 1-899-331-9474