Mate Selection Your “key” to unlocking a happy marriage.
There a many theoriesrelated to the mate selectionprocess… Will be discussing just a few of these today tobroaden your knowledge and understanding.
Theory of PropinquityExchange Time and Place Theory Theory (HappyComplimentary Collision) Needs Theory Filter TheoryTheories of mate selection…
We marry people we know.If you only know people from school, work, church, college, etc., that is who you will marry.Theory of Propinquity
We evaluate our worth and find someone of similar worth.We find people for us with similarities to us (looks for looks, money for money, etc.)People will exchange or barter to make up in areas (ie my looks for your money).This is why it is not uncommon to see people getting married that look like brother or sister.Exchange Theory
We find people that compliment our needs.Dominant people find submissive people.A nurturant person finds someone who wants to be mothered.Complimentary Needs Theory
Fate… we marry the person we are supposed to when the time is right.This theory suggests that we could have married many of the people that we dated but the timing wasn’t right.This is against societies expectations that there are times in our life when we should get married because that is the next step: after college, after establishing our career, when returning from military service, etc.Time and Place Theory(Happy Collision)
People generally marry Averageages for about 4 years after marriage are: they begin to date on a *US men-28 regular basis. This theory also states women-26 you will marry someone *Utah men-22 within the geographical women-20 area that you live (long distance relationships require more time and money).More on the Happy Collision
We filter out people that don’t meet our criteria (color of hair, height, age, etc.)The three types of filters are: ◦ Biological ◦ Social ◦ psychologicalFilter Theory
Most people choose We can rule out our the same gender. relatives…We choose Physical features someone close to are usually similar our age (most 22 to ours, ie. Body year old men are type, weight, not looking for a 54 height, etc. year old woman).Biological Filters
We often marry Most people marry within our same within their own social class or religion. income level. We try to findThere is an increase chance of marriage someone of similar success when we intelligence and stay in our own education. class.Race is the least- likely line to be crossed in mate selection.Social Filters
Based on conscious People will often and unconscious marry someone needs of people. similar to theirThese needs are opposite sex based on childhood parent. experiences.Psychological Filters
You need to determine if your personalities go well together and here are some aspects you should consider: ◦ Amount of personal space needed. ◦ Type of love language. ◦ Seriousness or lightness of personality. ◦ Gender-role compatibility. ◦ Interests and hobbies. ◦ Desire for achievement. ◦ Are they picky, meticulous, detailed, sloppy, etc.?Other considerations…
Does this person make you a better person?Would you rather be with this person than any other person in the world?Could you spend the rest of your life with this person?Could you spend the rest of your life without this person?The BIG Questions
There are no gray areas when answering those questions… if you havedoubts, you need to look at the relationship very seriously.