You Are the Parent• Your daughter comes home from a date and is upset. When you ask her what is wrong, she explains that her date took her to a party where he got drunk. She was very frightened as he drove her home. How would that make you, as a parent, feel?• Your son comes home from a date and confides in you that his date seduced him. How would you feel? What would you do?• It’s 11:45 pm. Your daughter runs in the door crying. After you calm her down, she tells you that her date raped her. How would you feel? What would you do?
Your Rules• Create a list of dating rules for yourself – What expectations do you have? – Beliefs? – What’s a “deal-breaker”
If You Were the Parent…• Assume that you are the parent.• What rules would you have for your teenager?• What would keep them safe?• How do they compare to the list you made for yourself?
Stages of Dating Stage One: Gushy• Typical – “We have so many things in common.”• Characteristics – Artificial – both on best behavior – Same likes: music, cars, people, food – Everything is funny – Lots of talking to each other on the phone.• Problems – Whether to express affection or not. – How to say goodnight. – Prefer group association to being alone.
Stages of Dating Stage Two: Playing Games• Typical – Have hearts crossed out all over their notebooks. – Have swollen eyes from crying on the average of three times a day.• Characteristics – Very possessive and jealous – Comes late for dates or not ready. – Personality traits valued more than just an interest in the opposite sex. – A time of extremes: tears, happiness – Power struggle – where to eat, what show to go see.
Stages of DatingStage Three: Goal-Directed• Characteristics – They are glad to see each other do things with other friends. – They trust one another. – They want each other to be happy. – They are interested in seeing each other fulfill goals. – They are more interested in each other’s long-term happiness than in their own short-term pleasure. – May be engaged or near engagement. – Begin to notice things in each other: picky about food, stays up late, spend-thrift, etc.
Signals• Divide class into two groups, girls and guys.• As a group, decide on a response for each question. “What do you think when he/she…” – flirts with you? – says “no” to a kiss when you are saying good-night. – is wearing sexy smelling perfume or after-shave? – is wearing sexy clothing. – uses fowl or off-color language. – uses suggestive body language. – says, “I love you.” – has a poor reputation, but asks you for a date.
How to Say No• Just say no. • Act surprised. – “I’d rather not.” – “You’ve got to be kidding!”• Ignore the comment. • Express your feelings for – Appear not to hear, or act them. too busy. – “Sorry, but I like you to• Make an excuse. much to do that.” – “I’m tired.” • Suggest a different plan.• Change the subject. – “Let’s go to my house and make a pizza. – “Isn’t it time for dinner.”• Turn the idea into a joke. • Return the challenge. – “If you really liked me, – “How could you suggest you’d never ask me to do such a thing when you that.” know I’m on a diet.” • Leave.