; Hi, I'm Kayleigh Ellen Wade, recently I've been doing these “Confession” things on facebook, allowing people to read a lot about my life. So, I decided to make a slideshow presentation, doing some more confessions, many you’veprobably seen, and probably some new ones as well. Before I continue with the following slide, I’d just like to thank all of the people that have been inboxing/texting me, showing amazing support, and just letting me know their there for me. Being a girl, who's never really had any friends, it means a lot to me to know that people actually care. So thanks everybody, hope you enjoy the slide, <3
Also, before I continue with the slideshow, Id like to put up a picture of me, no makeup, no editing, just me. I don’t actually have a picture on Facebook of “Natural” me. Although im VERY uncomfortable doing this, I figured, if im going to do a slideshow about myself, people might as well see what I really look like.
My life *1 – I was born in Edmonton, Alberta, and lived there with my mom and dad until I was 4. I moved to Brockville with my Mom, after her and my dad got a divorce. Confession *1 – I always wish my mom and dad could still be together, I love my step dad today, but I wish I could see my real dad more often.
Life *2 - My mom met my step dad when I was 6, they got married shortly after, and we moved to North Augusta, where I currently live. A little while later, my little (half) brother, Mitchell James Tye, was born. During this time, my dad remarried, he married my step mom, Debbie Bessett, who brought along her two boys, my two older (step) brothers, Stephane & Francois. Confession *2 – When I was 12, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly known an OCD. Life *3 - Also when I was 12, my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer. My grandma had always been, and still is, my best friend. She is one of the strongest women I know, finding out that she had been diagnosed with cancer, really took a lot out of me, and I began to stop eating, for days on end. Confession *3 – I have a terrible fear of elevators, to the point where id rather climb up flights upon flights of stairs , then spend a couple minutes in an elevator. All I can think about is getting stuck, and no one realizing im there.
Life * 4 – My mother eventually found out about my eating problems, I was put in a group therapy session, once a week, to help young teens, and offer support. I stayed in that group for 12 weeks, eventually I began eating daily meals, and began gaining weight, before the group I weighed 73.5 pounds. Today, eating is still a struggle I deal with everyday. Sometimes I overindulge, sometimes I barley eat anything. Confession *4 - I LOVE to eat cotton balls/ qtips/ cotton pads etc. I don’t swallow them, I chew and suck on them. For a while, I used to eat toilet paper too. :$ Life *5 – The year I first started Grade 8, I had a lot of problems, I was bullied everday, for being “skinny” or “freakishly tall”, for having braces, and needing glasses to read the chalkboard. Everyday Id ask my mom if I could stay home from school, to avoid what people would say about me. I never had a lot of friends in Grade 8, in fact I hardly remember barley having 2, I was always looking for ways to get attention. One day,I found it. In all the wrong ways. Confession *5 - My boobs are size B34, and I HATE them. Everyday I look in the mirror and wish I had bigger, better boobs. braceface ugly weird lanky freak twiggy 4-eyes
Life *6 – I lost my virginity when I was 13, to a guy 2 years older then me. To this day I regret it, everything about it, the guy; was an asshole, a jerk who used me for his own pleasure. But, I loved the attention, people were starting to notice me, guys were calling me beautiful, asking me to hangout, I loved it. I was getting the attention I craved for, in all the wrong ways. I began seeing more guys, soaking up the attention. I began to hate myself more and more each day, every guy seemed to be doing the same thing, pretending to love me, using me, then breaking my heart, & yet I didn’t seem to clue in. People began calling me more names, worse names, much worse names. I hated what I had become, & I knew I wouldn’t be able to change it. Confession *6 – Shortly after I turned 13,I began realizing I was looking at girls, in a way that I knew wasn’t “normal”, I didn’t tell anybody, I was already being called names, I could imagine what they would call me, if they found out what I was thinking about girls. I eventually broke down, and had to tell someone, I only really had one friend at the time that I thought I could trust so I told her. I knew instantly I had made a mistake, the next day I came to school, “Queer”, “Lesbian”, “fag” all rung in my ears. I wanted to die, everyone knew. Eventually though, I began to ignore them, I found, the more I ignored them , the less they had to say. Today, I am 100% comfortable with my sexuality, I like girls, who ever doesn’t like that? , well, they can kiss my ass. Its who I am, im not going to wake up one day and become straight. So, Life *7 – I remember going to my first dance, in Roebuck, I went with a girl I knew at the time, and actually had a lot of fun. Suddenly out of nowhere, I got a tap on the shoulder, I turned around, and got punched by a girl in grade 10 at the time. I remember bawling my eyes out, it had hurt so much, I had a black eye, a fractured nose, and 3 broken blood vessels in my eyes, I was devastated. The next day, I foundout this girl had punched me simply because I was a “slut”. Confession *7 – I attend counselling 1-2x a week, to help with my OCD, and stress problems due to bullying. My counseler, has taught me how to keep a journal. In it, I write down things about my day, my feelings. I like to also write about my dreams, about what life would be like if I was someone different. I find it really helps.
Life *8 – At the ending of the school year, I was transferred schools. I spent my first year of highschool at St Marys Catholic Highschool. It wasn’t as bad as my previous school, but not good. I got bullied again, pretty much every day, because, as I knew it would, my reputation had followed me. At one point during the year,I had condoms taped to my locker, it was disgusting, and really tore me apart. I didn't’t make friends quickly, and not a lot of people liked me, I ate lunches alone for a while, didn’t mind it that much. Still, I wished I could be like the “popular” girls, who ate lunch with everyone, took pictures, shared inside jokes , etc. Then, I met Eoin <3 , Eoin was my first true love, I knew as soon as I saw him, that things would get better. Eoin really helped me a lot with my self esteem issues, he called me beautiful every single day, told off anyone who said any different, and sat with me every single lunch, sacrificing his own friendships, just to make sure I had a smile on my face. There isn't a day that goes by, that im not thankful for the boy who’d rather see me without makeup and my hair straightened. Thank you, so much Eoin. <3 Confession 8-* My OCD has worsened since I was 12, a lot of people don’t notice it,because to me, its very embarrassing, so I keep it hidden from people. My worse OCD’s would have to be my movie tickets and my vacuuming. I go to the movies a lot with eoin, every single ticket stub I get, I HAVE to keep, I tape them to my mirror. I have over 100 hidden away. When I vacuum the house, the vacuum lines HAVE to be in straight perfect lines, or I get legitimately upset and bothered, and have to do it over and over, on average it takes me and hour and a half to vacuum just the upstairs part of my house. Life 9*- Theres really not a lot more to know about my life. I still get made fun of everyday, ive still never gone to a party, or attended a large sleepover. I don’t have albums filled with pictures of me and my friends “just hanging out” I don’t have many friends, probably 2 I can actually trust. I still get inboxes on facebook, with girls bullying/threatening me. However; ive learned to accept who I am. I may not love myself, and I really don’t think I will any time soon. Im starting to learn to ignore what people say about me, and move on with my life. Confession *9 – I live in the country, and right behind my house is acres upon acres of land. Sometimes when im having a bad day, I go and sit, right in the middle of it, lay back, look at the sky, and dream. I like to create scenarios of different lives, think of what my life would be like if I hadn’t made so many stupid mistakes.
I can play the clarinet, and I can sing, pretty well too, although id never ever sing in front of people
Im really really interested in what itd be like to be on a sports team, like at my school, but im terrified to try out for one, because im afraid of drawing attention to myself, or not being good enough.
I CANNOT be anywhere around public swimming pools, its fucking gross.
I wish I had better style, I see girls who are all dressed up for summer, cute little short shorts, shit like that, and I really wish I was able to put outfits together :S
I write on little sticky notes, and paste them on my mirror. They say things like “im beautiful”, “things will change”, “your eyes are pretty today”, “today will be a good day”, “breathe” etc, they help a lot
I don’t like partying, or drinking. In my opinion, it makes people do stupid shit. The one time I drank, I fucked up badly, and ended up creating another bad rep for myself, so. I really don’t see the point, I don’t need alcohol to have fun.
Im on tumblr about 99.% of the time, looking for quotes and pictures that describe exactly what im going through.
I love old disney movies, and those land before time movies, I have the whole collection
I hate eating lunch at school. I hate eating by myself.
Im not comfortable around anyone in my bathing suit
I tell people I love them way to much, I really don’t mean it either.
Ive always wondered what itd be like to eat laundry soap. :$
Sometimes, when mom buys them (which she doesn’t anymore, cause she knows about my “problem”) I like to eat pumice stones. You know those things you shed the dry skin off your feet with? Yeah… those and sand, I love sand <3
Once, when I was younger, for a whole week, I pretended to be dog.
I like to cry, actually no, I LOVE to cry. Most times I don’t even do it cause im upset, I just genuinely like to cry. I feel as though it washes away old emotions, and makes places for new ones.
I don’t know 70-80 % of the people on my facebook.
For the longest time, idk why, I thought barney was gay
That’s most of my confessions, a lot from my facebook I didn’t include. So, go read them If youd like , Id like to thank whoever read this, for actually taking time to read it. It means a lot to me Id also like to thank my best friend Ashley. I honestly, don’t have any people in my life I can trust, and count on. You’re the only one, and im so grateful of you Ash, I truly do love you a lot <3, I owe you so much. You ignored what people said about me, and took time to get to know the real me. We may not hangout a lot, etc, but I know youll always be there for me, just like ill always be there for you <3 , & thanks to everyone, whos given me so much support, who’ve given me the courage to come out, and show people some really personal things about myself.