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Self-Actualization:Intentional Self-Knowledge - or – “Be All You Can Be” (and do it on purpose)<br />
“What a man can be, he must be…This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />3<br />Overview<br />Johari Window T...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />4<br />Johari Window<br />Known to S...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />5<br />Johari Window<br />Public/Ope...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />6<br />I. Public/Open Quadrant<br />...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />7<br />II. Blind Quadrant<br />Thing...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />8<br />III. Hidden Quadrant<br />Thi...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />9<br />IV. Unknown Quadrant<br />Thi...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />10<br />Johari Window: Under-Develop...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />11<br />Johari Window: Under-Develop...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />12<br />Johari Window: Developed Per...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />13<br />Johari Window<br />FEEDBACK<...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />14<br />Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs<...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />15<br />Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs<...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />16<br />Physiological Needs<br />Nee...
Need for structure, order, and some limits</li></li></ul><li>5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker...
Need a sense of community, of belonging</li></ul>Esteem Needs<br /><ul><li>Need the respect of others, status, fame, glory...
Need for self-respect, confidence, competence, mastery, achievement, independence, and freedom.</li></li></ul><li>5/26/201...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />19<br />Self-Actualized Characterist...
Self-Awareness, A Prerequisite:<br />For effective communication and interpersonal relations<br />For allowing us to embra...
Developing Self-Awareness Can:<br />Help us to recognize when we are stressed or under pressure <br />Allows us to know wh...
Self-Awareness Requires:<br />Honesty & Courage <br />Willingness to Change<br />“One can choose to go back toward safety ...
Self-Awareness is NOT:<br />Is very different than being self-conscious. <br />An Excuse!<br />5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn,...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />24<br />Self-Actualization, Self-Awa...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />25<br />Lack of Self-Actualization<b...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />26<br />How?<br />Magnum Opus: A lif...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />27<br />Tools<br />Online JoHari win...
5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker,   U of M Hospital<br />28<br />Resources<br />Joseph Luft a...
RelationshipsIn and Out ofAddiction and Recovery<br />Ed Conlin, BSEd., CAC - R<br />
IS IT LOVE … <br />… OR AM I JUST  THIRSTY?<br />
We Are Spiritual Beings…<br />We have an infinite capacity<br />and an<br />unquenchablethirst!<br />
When we get what we want, it never satisfies.<br />
We are designed to be “Givers,” whose lives work properly when located in proper community where others are “Givers”.<br />
Carl Jung “Protective Walls of Human Community”<br />We need right relationships with:<br /><ul><li>Family/Friends
Community
Self
Higher Power</li></li></ul><li>We can’t use love to make us happy ...<br />...“Love isn’t love until it is FOR the other p...
If we use relationships to satisfy, then we make them objects for our gratification.The addictive personality will use suc...
“ADDICTION is a pathological relationship of ‘love and trust’ with an object or event.”<br /><ul><li>Intimate
Exclusive
Used for gratification
Regular & Ongoing</li></ul>We come to expect the substance to do for us what makes us feel good (or not so bad!)<br />
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Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery - May 2010

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"Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery and Recovery" was presented by Ed Conlin, BSEd, CAC-R; addiction counselor, Detroit Capuchin Service System; and Janice Firn, LMSW; Clinical Social Worker, University of Michigan Hospital. This program describes the process of self-actualization; the formation of personal bonds; the dynamics of relationships in addiction; how patterns in thought, action and relationships are affected by addiction; and key attitudes and tools for healthy relationships. It is part of the Dawn Farm Education Series, a FREE, annual workshop series developed to provide accurate, helpful, hopeful, practical, current information about chemical dependency, recovery, family and related issues. The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.

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  • Acceptance and Realism: Self-actualized people have realistic perceptions of themselves, others and the world around them.Problem-centering: Self-actualized individuals are concerned with solving problems outside of themselves, including helping others and finding solutions to problems in the external world. These people are often motivated by a sense of personal responsibility and ethics.Spontaneity: Self-actualized people are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional.Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristics of self-actualized people is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others, these individuals need time to focus on developing their own individual potential.Continued Freshness of Appreciation: Self-actualized people tend to view the world with a continual sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure.Peak Experiences: Individuals who are self-actualized often have what Maslow termed peak experiences, or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy. After these experiences, people feel inspired, strengthened, renewed or transformed.
  • Self-awareness frees us to be other focused when we understand how we operate, we can better understand their humanity Self-awareness includes: a recognition of our personality, our strengths and weaknesses, our likes and dislikes. What motivates us? What do we value? What do we fear? Why did I just do x?How do I treat others when their failings and limitations are revealed?It is NOT an excuse to do what ever we want because “that’s just how I am”.
  • counseling sessions I find people are trapped in a cycle of actions and knee jerk responses to situations, they don&apos;t know why they behave the way they do. They don&apos;t know their pressure points or triggers. Knowing these things about ourselves is particularly important in staff work or anything else we encounter in life.
  • Honesty and Courage: to get in touch with what we are thinking and feeling and to face the truth about ourselves. The better you understand yourself, the better you are able to accept or change who you are. Can no longer lie to ourselves. The more self-aware we are, the harder it is to lie to ourselves, when we do lie we know it. Being in the dark about yourself means that you will continue to get caught up in your own internal struggles and allow outside forces to mold and shape you.Willingness to Change: When you know who you are, you may have to change; and some people just do not want to change because changing demands effort!
  • (self conscious is being overly aware of how others perceive us – my clothes, my words, actions, etc. So caught up in projecting a perfect image of myself rather than being myself that I cannot see those around me.)
  • We are not able to be self-actualized if we are in the dark about who we are in relationship to ourselves, others, and our higher power.
  • Artistic creation, creative work, the greatest work of a person’s life.Self-awareness happens as we go through life and have different experiences – it will happen no matter what BUT unless we are intentional about it we will not fully become who we are meant to be, we won’t fully reap the benefits of our experiences. Intentionally place ourselves in new situations, situations that challenge us and that we don’t do perfectly. Finding out who we are and doing it on purpose, “intentional self-knowledge”. Ask for input from others. We need a safe environment and we often need to be free from crisis – Maslow’s Higherarchy of Needs. If the important things at the bottom of the pyramid are not met (food, shelter, safety) then we cannot work on the higher level tasks (self-actualization, purpose, meaning, generosity). Often crisis does teach us a lot about ourselves, usually that learning happens after the crisis has ended and we have time to process it. Difficult to measure self-awareness at time because of crisis. What doesn’t kill us may make us stronger but for a while it sure does try to kill us, it may even look like it has killed us. It takes time. If we take a measurement of self-awareness at the “wrong” point, it may look like self-awareness isn’t happening at all.
  • focusing on the uniquely human capacity to understand one’s place in the world and relationships with others
  • Transcript of "Relationships In and Out of Addiction and Recovery - May 2010"

    1. 1. Self-Actualization:Intentional Self-Knowledge - or – “Be All You Can Be” (and do it on purpose)<br />
    2. 2. “What a man can be, he must be…This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.” <br /> - Abraham Maslow<br />5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />2<br />
    3. 3. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />3<br />Overview<br />Johari Window Theory<br />Maslow’s Theory<br />Self-Actualization<br />Self-Aware Person<br />Resources, Tools, and Recommended Reading<br />
    4. 4. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />4<br />Johari Window<br />Known to Self<br />Unknown to Self<br />II<br />Blind<br />I<br />Open/Public<br />Known to Others<br />III<br />Hidden<br />IV<br />Unknown<br />Unknown to Others<br />
    5. 5. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />5<br />Johari Window<br />Public/Open Quadrant<br />Blind Quadrant<br />Hidden Quadrant<br />Unknown Quadrant<br />
    6. 6. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />6<br />I. Public/Open Quadrant<br />What I know about me<br />What others know about me as well<br />Name, feelings, motives, wants, needs, desires, etc.<br />As we know each other and ourselves better this quadrant grows larger<br />
    7. 7. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />7<br />II. Blind Quadrant<br />Things others know about me but I am unaware of<br />I need to learn more about myself<br />Ex: Food on my face<br />As confidence, maturity, and self-esteem develop we actively invite others to comment on our blind spots<br />
    8. 8. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />8<br />III. Hidden Quadrant<br />Things I know about myself that others do not know<br />Secrets<br />Self-disclosure<br />Ex: favorite flavor of ice cream<br />
    9. 9. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />9<br />IV. Unknown Quadrant<br />Things I do not know about myself and others do not know about me either<br />New situations often reveal information about ourselves that we and others did not know<br />Novel situations trigger new awareness and growth<br />Self-actualization (Maslow).<br />
    10. 10. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />10<br />Johari Window: Under-Developed, Under-Aware Person<br />I<br />II<br />Open/Public<br />Blind<br />Hidden<br />IV<br />III<br />Unknown<br />Lacks personal awareness and growth.<br />Others unable to know person as well.<br />
    11. 11. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />11<br />Johari Window: Under-Developed Person(Co-Dependant)<br />Open/Public<br />I<br />II<br />Blind<br />Hidden<br />IV<br />III<br />Unknown<br />Also lacks personal awareness and growth.<br />So “other” focused that cannot know “self”.<br />
    12. 12. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />12<br />Johari Window: Developed Person/Self-Actualized Person<br />II<br />I<br />Blind<br />Open/Public<br />IV<br />III<br />Unknown<br />Hidden<br />Developed or achieved one's full potential. <br />Takes intention, time, and hard work.<br />
    13. 13. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />13<br />Johari Window<br />FEEDBACK<br />DISCLOSURE<br />Known to Self<br />Unknown to Self<br />Known to Others<br />Public Area<br />Blind Area<br />Unknown to Others<br />Unknown Area<br />Hidden Area<br />
    14. 14. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />14<br />Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs<br />
    15. 15. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />15<br />Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs<br />Physiological Needs<br />Safety & Security Needs<br />Love & Belonging Needs<br />Esteem Needs<br />Self-Actualization<br />“Deficit” Needs<br />“Being” Needs<br />
    16. 16. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />16<br />Physiological Needs<br />Need for air, food, & water<br />Need for activity, rest, sleep, and to get rid of wastes <br />Safety & Security Needs<br /><ul><li>Need for safe circumstances, stability, and protection
    17. 17. Need for structure, order, and some limits</li></li></ul><li>5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />17<br />Love & Belonging Needs<br /><ul><li>Need friends, a sweetheart, children, and affectionate relationships in general
    18. 18. Need a sense of community, of belonging</li></ul>Esteem Needs<br /><ul><li>Need the respect of others, status, fame, glory, recognition, attention, reputation, appreciation, dignity, and even dominance.
    19. 19. Need for self-respect, confidence, competence, mastery, achievement, independence, and freedom.</li></li></ul><li>5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />18<br />Self-Actualization Needs<br />A continuous need to fulfill potentials<br />A need to grow<br />Need for:<br />Truth - Goodness <br />Beauty - Unity<br />Wholeness - Aliveness <br />Uniqueness - Perfection <br />Completion - Justice <br />Order - Simplicity<br />Richness - Effortlessness/Mastery<br />Playfulness - Self-sufficiency<br />Meaningfulness<br />
    20. 20. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />19<br />Self-Actualized Characteristics<br />Reality-centered <br />Problem-centered<br />Perception of means & ends<br />Enjoy solitude<br />Deep personal relationships<br />Autonomous<br />Sense of humor<br />Acceptance of self & others <br />Humility & respect towards others<br />Human kinship<br />Strong ethics<br />Freshness of appreciation<br />Creative<br />Peak experiences<br />
    21. 21. Self-Awareness, A Prerequisite:<br />For effective communication and interpersonal relations<br />For allowing us to embrace our own humanity, limitations, frailties<br />For developing empathy for others <br />For us to know who we are and who we are not <br />5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />20<br />
    22. 22. Developing Self-Awareness Can:<br />Help us to recognize when we are stressed or under pressure <br />Allows us to know why we are responding or acting the way we are <br />Brings us freedom<br />Ex: Counseling sessions<br />5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />21<br />
    23. 23. Self-Awareness Requires:<br />Honesty & Courage <br />Willingness to Change<br />“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. <br />Growth must be chosen again and again; <br />fear must be overcome again and again.”<br /> - Abraham Maslow<br />5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />22<br />
    24. 24. Self-Awareness is NOT:<br />Is very different than being self-conscious. <br />An Excuse!<br />5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />23<br />
    25. 25. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />24<br />Self-Actualization, Self-Awareness<br />Self, Others, Higher Power<br />Triad needs to be in balance, can’t have one without the others <br />If we do our work:<br />Relationships with depth, meaning, that last, that have room in them for mistakes, can be repaired, and are stronger for the repairing<br />Something to offer, ability to receive<br />
    26. 26. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />25<br />Lack of Self-Actualization<br />Leads to:<br />Unbalanced life<br />Poor self-care<br />Is not mutually healthy/supportive <br />Taking rather than giving<br />Using rather than loving<br />
    27. 27. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />26<br />How?<br />Magnum Opus: A lifetime of WORK<br />Builds on what has come before<br />Safety vs. crisis<br />Obedience?<br />Community/Commitment<br />
    28. 28. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />27<br />Tools<br />Online JoHari window exercise http://kevan.org/johari<br />Jung Personality types http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp<br />Personality Test http://similarminds.com/jung.html<br />Keirsey Types http://www.keirsey.com/<br />Myers Briggs http://www.myersbriggs.org/<br />
    29. 29. 5/26/2010<br />Janice Firn, L. M.S.W., Clinical Social Worker, U of M Hospital<br />28<br />Resources<br />Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, “Of Human Interaction,” 1969.<br />Abraham Maslow, “Toward a Psychology of Being,” 1968; “Motivation and Personality,” 1970; & “The Further Reached of Human Nature,” 1971.<br />Association for Humanistic Psychology http://www.ahpweb.org/aboutahp/whatis.html<br />Recommended reading http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/books/<br />
    30. 30. RelationshipsIn and Out ofAddiction and Recovery<br />Ed Conlin, BSEd., CAC - R<br />
    31. 31. IS IT LOVE … <br />… OR AM I JUST THIRSTY?<br />
    32. 32. We Are Spiritual Beings…<br />We have an infinite capacity<br />and an<br />unquenchablethirst!<br />
    33. 33. When we get what we want, it never satisfies.<br />
    34. 34. We are designed to be “Givers,” whose lives work properly when located in proper community where others are “Givers”.<br />
    35. 35. Carl Jung “Protective Walls of Human Community”<br />We need right relationships with:<br /><ul><li>Family/Friends
    36. 36. Community
    37. 37. Self
    38. 38. Higher Power</li></li></ul><li>We can’t use love to make us happy ...<br />...“Love isn’t love until it is FOR the other person.”<br />
    39. 39. If we use relationships to satisfy, then we make them objects for our gratification.The addictive personality will use such objects pathologically .<br />
    40. 40. “ADDICTION is a pathological relationship of ‘love and trust’ with an object or event.”<br /><ul><li>Intimate
    41. 41. Exclusive
    42. 42. Used for gratification
    43. 43. Regular & Ongoing</li></ul>We come to expect the substance to do for us what makes us feel good (or not so bad!)<br />
    44. 44. As with addiction, we become no longer capable of loving others for their good.<br />We become only capable of using them to fill our needs, distract us from pain…<br />
    45. 45. The codependent person will often sabotage their partner’s recovery to preserve his/her own role. Same with family…<br />
    46. 46. Virginia Satir “Modern Family System” -<br /><ul><li>one family member in pain= all members in pain.</li></li></ul><li>So with Toxic Relationships -<br /><ul><li>Begins with desire to love, becomes need to control.
    47. 47. A desire to be loved becomes a need to be desired.
    48. 48. A desire to help becomes a need to ‘fix’. … (a need to be needed) </li></li></ul><li>Toxicity offers us:<br /><ul><li>Buzz of Intimacy
    49. 49. Buzz of Chase & Being Chased
    50. 50. Buzz of Sex
    51. 51. Buzz of “fixing the project”
    52. 52. Buzz of fighting/making up
    53. 53. Buzz of Chaos (all of above intensified)
    54. 54. Protection from the detox of withdrawal</li></li></ul><li>Questions?Comments?<br />Thanks for coming!<br />
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