Competitive/Combative Listening: listener is more interested in marketing their point of view. They are impatient and pretend to listen while waiting for a moment to rebuttal or state a comebackPassive/Attentive Listening: the listener is genuinely interested in understanding the other person’s point of view. The flaw is that they assume they understood correctly and do not verify what they heard and think they understood.
Misperceptions?Factors influencing perceptionPast experiencesTravel and organizational awarenessCulture, religion, genderFinancesFamilyPhysiological/psychological factorsEducationOthers?No two people see things the same wayWe see things differently each timeWe learn to see things the way we doWe see things not as they are, but as we want to see themWe tend to fill in the gaps for things which appear incompleteWe tend to simplify things we do not understandThe way we perceive others is based on what we expect to seePerception accounts for individual differencesMany things can get in the way of “Good Listening”Internal and external noiseInterruptions from other people, telephone, e-mail etcDaydreamingTechnologyPersonal agendaStereotypingPersonal triggers or buttonsAttitudesStressWhat others can you think of?Perception is highly subjective & selectiveAttitudesBiasesValuesPrevious experiencesOrganizational rolesPoor listening skillsLack of fluency in another language
Discussion has the same Greek root as percussion and concussion, discus, meaning to throw, fragment, shatter. David Bohm likened discussion to an activity where we throw our opinions back and forth in an attempt to convince each other of the rightness of a particular point of view. In this process, the whole view is often fragmented and shattered into many pieces. BEHAVIORS THAT SUPPORT DIALOGUE Suspension of judgment when listening and speaking. When we listen and suspend judgment we open the door to expanded understanding. When we speak without judgment we open the door for others to listen to us. Respect for differences. Our respect is grounded in the belief that everyone has an essential contribution to make and is to be honored for the perspective which only they can bring. Role and status suspension. Again, in dialogue, all participants and their contributions are absolutely essential to developing an integrated whole view. No one perspective is more important than any other Dialogue is about power with, versus power over or power under. Balancing inquiry and advocacy. In dialogue we inquire to discover and understand others perspectives and ideas and we advocate to offer our own for consideration. The intention is to bring forth and make visible assumptions, relationships and gain new insight and understanding. We often tend to advocate to convince others of our positions Therefore a good place to start with this guideline is to practice bringing more inquiry into the conversation. Focus on learning. Our intention is to learn to from each other, to expand our view and understanding, versus evaluate and determine who has the "best" view. When we are focused on learning we tend to ask more questions, try new things. We are willing to disclose our thinking so that we can see both what is working for us and what we might want to change. We want to hear from all parties so that we can gain the advantage of differing perspectives.
Active/Reflective Listening: genuinely interested in understanding what the speaker’s message means, actively check/review our understanding of the message before responding, paraphrase our understanding of the message to verify if it is accurate. The verification step of active listening is what distinguishes this type of listening from other types. Reflecting Content is the ability to understand the meaning of the message through the listener's response by elaborating, clarifying, and reframing responses to clear up confusion or create common understandings. Paraphrasing - Questioning - Reframing - BrainstormingReflecting Feeling is the ability to listen sensitively to expressed and unexpressed feelings, in order to create a sense of trust between the speaker and the listener.Sensitivity - Self-disclosing - Encouraging - ConfrontingSummarizing is the ability to pull related ideas together and restating suggestions after discussion, then sending up trial balloons to see if nearing conclusion or agreement has been reached. Summarize what you think the other person has been saying and obtain his or her reaction periodically during the communication episode.
In Class # 2Take a minute, right now, to ask yourself for your personal definition of listening. Think about that activities you identify with listening? How do you know you are listening? Being listened to? What does listening feel like? How could your listening be enhanced?
Listening for shared meaning informs us about the culture we live in, and presents us with the opportunity to make choices about our decisions and actions (rather than moving unconsciously, on auto-pilot).
Listening effectively requires people not to make judgments. It also requires someone to be patient and empathetic. These abilities take time to recognize and learn how to do.When we learn to suspend judgment, to "hold our positions more lightly", we open the door to see others' points of view. It is not that we do away with our judgments and opinions - this would be impossible. We simply create a space between our judgment and our reaction, and thus open a door for listening. Why do we overlook the obvious? David Bohm would say because our "assumptions are transparent to us". They are such a built-in part of our seeing apparatus that we do not even know they are there. We look right through them.
By creating pauses to reflect, we learn to work with silence and slow down the rate of conversation. We become able to identify assumptions and reactive patterns and open the door for new ideas and possibilities.When we are able to suspend judgment and listen to diverse perspectives we expand and deepen our world view. It is the act of listening that allows for integration and synthesis of new insights and possibilities. When we listen deeply we are willing to be influenced by and learn from others.As we learn that we will not be "judged" wrong for our opinions, we feel freer to express ourselves. The atmosphere becomes more open and truthful. When a person can listen and think without judgment then it will allow a person to absorb different points of view ultimately making them a person with more of an expanded and diverse knowledge base.
Active Listening<br />John Pisapia<br />www.johnpisapia.com<br />
Why?- Assumptions<br />Listening is the single most important communication skill:<br />It is more than hearing…<br /><ul><li>Hearing you try to pick up audible sounds,
Listening you try to understand</li></ul>The problem is that it is hard to listen when we are engaged in a heated battle about "who's right and who's wrong!" Our normal way of thinking divides, organizes and labels. Because our egos become identified with how we think things are, we often find ourselves defending our positions against those of others. This makes it difficult for us to stay open to new and alternative views of reality. <br />2<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
Why? The Problem<br />Perception is an individual’s view of reality!<br />Is not known or understood by the other person<br />When something I do or think<br />A Misperception is <br />Created!<br />Two Separate Thoughts are Created About the Same Event<br />3<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
WHATKey Concept<br />DIALOGUE rather than Discussion<br />To understand our problem with perceptions - It is often useful to contrast Dialogue with a more familiar form of communication, Discussion. <br />In discussion we throw our opinions back and forth in an attempt to convince each other of the rightness of a particular point of view. In this process, the whole view is often fragmented and shattered into many pieces. <br />In Dialogue we do not try to convince others of our points of view. There is no emphasis on winning, but rather on learning, collaboration and the synthesis of points of view. <br />4<br />
WHAT - The ModelActive Listening<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />5<br />Active listening focuses entirely on the speaker's content and nonverbal clues. and then reflects back to the person what has been heard. Three skills:<br />Reflecting Content - understanding the meaning of the message by elaborating, clarifying, and reframing responses to clear up confusion or create common understandings. <br />Reflecting Feeling - Listening sensitively to expressed and unexpressed feelings, in order to create a sense of trust between the speaker and the listener.<br />Summarizing - Pulling ideas together and restating suggestions after discussion, then sending up trial balloons to see if nearing conclusion or agreement has been reached. Summarize what you think the other person has been saying and obtain his or her reaction periodically during the communication episode. <br />
Activity#1 Review the active listening skills. When we ask the following questions or making the following statements which of the active listening skills are we demonstrating? <br />"You seem to be saying." "Are you saying?" "Did I hear you right, what you said was . . . ?" "My attention wondered on the last point--can you hit me again with it." "You seem upset with something, have I said something to offend you?" "What you are saying now is . . . What I heard you say five minutes ago was . . . Can you clarify the difference in these two statements for me? Or, do they mean the same thing?" "Your last statement suggested that you didn't have a clear idea of what I said. Can you repeat it to me?" "Let's review the alternatives and what do you think are the strengths of each?" "Let me see if I can summarize the main points I heard you say . . . Do you have anything else to add?" "Here's what I heard you say . . . " "I hear you saying . . . " "Before we proceed, let me check on whether I really understand that . . . " "Let me run that one through the machine again." "What I got from that was, . . . Is that the whole idea?" "Can you summarize what we've been discussing for the past five minutes?" "I need to check to see that we are both saying the same thing before we proceed to the next issue. Would you summarize our agreement to this point?" "You know I have had similar feelings about it." 'Hey, you look happy all of a sudden."<br />6<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
Takeaways<br />How?<br />the way we listen, has a lot to do with our capacity to learn and build quality relationships with others. The combination of inquiry, assumption identification, suspension of judgment, and reflectionenables us to learn, to think creatively, and to build on past experience (versus simply repeating the same patterns over and over again). <br />.<br /> <br />7<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
Inquiry elicits information. <br />Inquiry requires learning how to ask questions. Learning is accelerated when we learn to ask questions which begin with "I wonder...", "what if....", "what does xxx mean to you?" As we ask these types of questions and listen, we gain greater awareness into our own and others' thinking processes and the issues that separate and unites<br />8<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
how? Key Concepts<br />Assumption Identification <br />As we listen we must perceive the meaningof what we are hearing atboth at the individual group level. What assumptions are we hearing? which ones are shared? Which ones are driving a position or point of view?<br />by identifying our assumptions and other people’s assumptions we can identify where there are disconnects in our strategies, explore differences with others, work to build common ground and consensus, and get to the bottom of core misunderstandings and differences. <br /> <br /> <br />9<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
Takeaways<br />How?<br />Suspension of Judgment<br />Suspension of judgment is the foundation for Dialogue, and perhaps, the most challenging skill. Suspending judgment is a key to building a climate of trust and safety. The suspension of judgment allows you to listen with more ease and less “blocks”<br />Reflectionenables us to inspect information and perceive relationships. <br /> <br />10<br />www.thestrategicleader.org<br />
ReferenceBanathy, B. & Jenlink, P. (2005). Dialogue as a means of collective communication,. NY: Kluwer Academic/Plenum Publishers,.Bohm, D. & Edwards, M. (1992). Changing consciousness, exploring the hidden source of the social, political and environmental crises facing our world. NY: Pegasus. <br />Bone, Diane. (1988). The business of listening. Los Altos, CA: Crisp Publications, Inc. <br />Burgess, Heidi & Guy. (July 20, 1999). Active listening. Conflict management and constructive confrontation: A guide to theory and practice. Retrieved May 26, 2009, from<br />Cook, S. & Yanow, D. (1993). Culture and organizational learning. The Journal of Management Inquiry, 2 (4), <br />Cross, R, Nohria, N. & Parker, A. (2002). Six Myths about Informal Networks. MIT Sloan Management Review, 67-75.<br />Freidman, M. (1992). Dialogue and the human image. Beyond humanistic psychology. Newbury Park, CA Sage Publications,. <br />Isaacs, William. (1999). Dialogue and the art of thinking together. NY: Doubleday<br />Jawaorski, J. (1997). Synchronicity. San Francisco, CA : Berrett-Kohler,. <br />Johnston, C. (1991). Necessary wisdom, meeting the challenge of a new cultural maturity. Seattle, WA ICD Press. Lindah L. (2003). Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening. Woodstock, Vt. :SkyLightPaths Publishing. <br />Nadig, L (1999). Tips on Effective Listening. Retrieved May 27, 2008, <br />Osland, J., Kolb, D., Rubin, I., & Turner (2007). 8th ed. Organizational Behavior: An Experiential Approach. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson/Prentice Hall<br />Senge, P. (1990). The fifth discipline: The art and practice of the learning organization. New York Doubleday/currency. <br /> Wheatley, M. (1997). A simpler way. San Francisco, CA : Berrett-Kohler . <br />Yankelovich, D. (1999). The magic of dialogue. NY Simon and Schuster. <br />11<br />