AGENDA0 Surface Revision: Essay #20 Lecture: The Novel/Feinberg/ Passing to avoid restrictions0 Discussion: SBB0 In-class writing: Explore a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know? Then pick one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know?
Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one.This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples show: Redundant Not Redundant 0 The printer is located 0 The printer is adjacent adjacent to the computer to the computer 0 The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of 0 The printer is near the the computer computer 0 The user can visibly see 0 The user can see the the image moving image moving 0 He wore a shirt that was blue in color 0 He wore a blue shirt. 0 The input is suitably 0 The input is processed processed
Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning!0The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.
How to reduce wordiness!0 1. Reduce Long Clauses 0 2. Reduce Phrases0 When editing, try to 0 Likewise, try to reduce reduce long clauses to phrases to single words: shorter phrases: 0 Wordy: The clown at the0 Wordy: The clown who end of the line tried to was in the center ring sweep up the spotlight. was riding a tricycle. 0 Revised: The last clown0 Revised: The clown in tried to sweep up the the center ring was riding spotlight. a tricycle.
Eliminating Wordiness Strategies0 3. Avoid Empty Openers 0 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers0 Avoid There is, There are, 0 Do not overwork very, really, and There were as sentence totally, and other modifiers openers when There adds that add little or nothing to the nothing to the meaning of a meaning of a sentence. sentence: 0 Wordy: By the time she got0 Wordy: There is a prize in home, Merdine was very tired. every box of Quacko cereal. 0 Revised: By the time she got0 Revised: A prize is in every home, Merdine was exhausted box of Quacko cereal. 0 Wordy: She was also really0 Wordy: There are two hungry. security guards at the gate. 0 Revised: She was also hungry0 Revised: Two security [or famished]. guards stand at the gate.
Eliminating Wordiness0 5. Avoid Redundancies0 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out!0 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.0 Revised: Now we should edit our work.
Try these! 1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it wasnecessary for him to help support his family.2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced bythe bus company within the next few days.3. There are many ways in which a student who is interestedin meeting foreign students may come to know one.4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told adeliberate lie on purpose.5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that havebeen established for the safety of all.
Possible Answers1. He dropped out of school to support his family.2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days.3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways.4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie.5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
Edit for Wordiness0Check your essay for wordiness. Look for a sentences that fall into one of the categories we just discussed. Edit for clarity and conciseness.
Compound Sentence0 A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple sentences joined by one of the following: 0A comma and a coordinating conjunction 0I like to study grammar, and I love this class. 0A semicolon 0I like to study grammar; I love this class. 0A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction 0I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this class.
Coordinating ConjunctionsCoordinating Conjunctions are used to jointogether two independent clauses.0 For0 And0 Nor0 But0 Or0 Yet0 So
COMPOUND SENTENCE: CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBSThomas is cool; moreover, he is fashionable Clause 1 . Clause 2 Independent Independent Luke’s grandmother buys him sweaters; however, he does not wear them.
Editing for Run-On SentencesLook for compound sentences in your essay. Make sureyou are using both a comma and a conjunction.Example: , andLook to make sure that you have used a semi-colon(not a comma) to connect two complete sentences.Example: sentence one; sentence twoLook for adverbial conjunctions; make sure you havepunctuated those sentences correctly.Example ; however,
Dangling ModifiersA dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies aword not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifierdescribes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept.Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV."Having finished" states an action but does not name thedoer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must bethe subject of the main clause that follows. In this sentence,it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing the action("having finished"), and this sentence therefore does nothave a dangling modifier.
The following sentence has an incorrect usage:Having finished the assignment, the TV wasturned on."Having finished" is a participle expressingaction, but the doer is not the TV set (the subjectof the main clause): TV sets dont finishassignments. Since the doer of the actionexpressed in the participle has not been clearlystated, the participial phrase is said to be adangling modifier.
Strategies for revising dangling modifiers:1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as the subject of the main clause:Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse wasneeded.Who arrived late? This sentence says that the writtenexcuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actuallyarrived late. The possible revision might look like this:Having arrived late for practice, the team captainneeded a written excuse.
2. Change the phrase that dangles into a completeintroductory clause by naming the doer of the action in thatclause:Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him.Who didnt know his name? This sentence says that "it" didntknow his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introducehim. The revision might look something like this:Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult tointroduce him.The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does notmodify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered"dangling."
3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one:To improve his results, the experiment was doneagain.Who wanted to improve results? This sentencesays that the experiment was trying to improve itsown results. To revise, combine the phrase and themain clause into one sentence. The revision mightlook something like this:He improved his results by doing the experimentagain.
Are these correct?1. After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing.2. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home should be a place to relax.1. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab manual carefully.
Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remainsunconvincing.Revised: After reading the original study, I find the articleunconvincing.Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your homeshould be a place to relax.Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should beable to relax at home.Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the labmanual carefully.Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the labmanual carefully.
Editing for Dangling ModifiersCheck your introductory clauses tomake sure that the doer is the subjectof the main clause that follows it.
Check for Misused Words0 Than and then0 There, their, and theyre0 To, too, and two0 Weather and whether0 Whose and whos0 Your and youre
Writing Tips0 Write about literature in present tense0 Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and “anything.”0 Avoid writing in second person.0 Cut Wordy Sentences0 Fix run-on sentences0 Eliminate Dangling Participles0 Check for misused words
Surface Revision Strategies Read Aloud Isolate Specific Problems0 Reading the paper aloud slowly 0 Isolating specific problems can can often bring to attention large help give objectivity to ones and small mistakes missed in the personal work. One way to writing and typing process. Read isolate specific issues is to each sentence and ask does it circle them on a paper draft make sense? Is it awkward? Am I including words that are not and look at them one by one. actually written on the paper? For example: circle all commas Sometimes reading the paper out and then go back and look at of order can help isolate each comma asking if it is in problems. Try reading the the appropriate place with the paragraphs starting with the last correct usage. Another sentence and then reading the example would be to circle all previous sentence and so on; this verbs and then go back one by can reveal problems in the one and identify the tense and sentences. verify subject verb agreement.
Stone Butch Blues0 Summarize the story thus far.0 List the kinds of passing taking place in this novel.0 How is it like racial passing?0 How is it different from racial passing?
Identify and discuss apassage from Stone ButchBlues that moved, upset, or touched you. Discussion
“Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I finally began to agree they were right” (23). 0 How does the pressure from the social construct (family, community, society, rules, traditions) work to our (individual, familial, community, cultural) advantage and how is it destructive?
” I didn’t want to be different. I longed to beeverything grownups wanted, so they would love me. I followed all their rules, tried my best to please” (13) 0I found the intro to chapter 2 intriguing because it brought up the common psychological desire that every one has, which is “I want to be normal.” It made me think about how there still is a social norm.
One passage in particular that really upset me was when the coptold Jess to either eat his dick or eat his shit. I was absolutely horrified the entire time I was reading the chapter.
0A passage from Stone Butch Blues that moved me was the end of the letter that Jess was writing to her lover. She said that she had been wondering about her for over twenty years. After all that time she still loved her and wished she could be with her.
0 “What they do to you in here, the shit you take every day on the streets- it changes you, you know?”0 This passage from Stone Butch Blues upset me. I don’t think it’s right that other people can make your life a living hell just for fun. It bugged me how much the cops and society were able to get away with. This wasn’t to long ago; I didn’t know things were this bad. The quote also made me upset because made me wonder how prominent oppression is right now, and to what extent people in power today can get away with.
0 “They said they were taking me to the hospital for a blood test. We rode up in an elevator ride to the floor where the test was supposed to be done. Two huge men in white uniforms took me off the elevator. My parents stayed on. Then the men turned and locked the gate, barring the elevator. I reached for my parents, but they wouldn’t even look at me as the elevator door closed” (21).0 Her parents just gave her away to the ‘hospital’; I see this scene way too often in movies and television. But no matter how many times I see this, I would just be pissed to no end. [. . .] just because one is different from others doesn’t mean they should be sent into a crazy house
0 The [scene] that stuck out the most was when Jess was hanging out at a bar and the cops come to harass her and her friends. She was commanded to get down on her knees. Jess said, “That night I learned the difference between what I can’t do and what I refuse to do.” The threat of sexual violation disgusts me to the extent that it makes me sick to my stomach. It was inhumane for the cops to treat anyone that way and was deserving of penectomy. [. . .] Jess is admirable for standing behind her beliefs, unfortunately the cops were not giving merits out that day for morality.
0 The [passage] that stood out the most for me was when the football team beat and raped Jess on the football field. Jess said, “Bobby unlaced his uniform pants and jammed his penis into my vagina.” I had to reread that line because I wasn’t sure if I had read that correctly. After reading it, It pissed me off a lot. How can these pieces of shit high school football players rape such a young innocent girl. And then their asshole of a coach has the audacity to just stand there and stare in disgust, not at his players but at Jess,” Get out of here, you little whore,” said the coach.
0The first passage that upset me was when Theresa was fired for not letting the superintendent molest her. [. . .] I feel events such as these can really affect the way the victim thinks. A victim of this probably won’t be able to trust easily; [experiences like these] give them preconceived notions about people.
” I’m sick of people asking me if she’s a boy or a girl,” I overhead my mother complain to my father. ” Everywhere I take her, people ask me. (19)0 “Soon after my Roy Rogers outfit disappeared from the dirty clothes hamper. My father brought me an Annie Oakley outfit instead.” (19).“I realized that the world could do more than justjudge me, it wielded tremendous power over
In-class Writing0 Choose a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know?0 Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know?
HOMEWORK0Reading: Stone Butch Blues (200-270)0Writing: Finish in-class writing0Blog Shot #8: Jess interacts with medical personnel in various ways throughout the novel. Write about an experience Jess has with a medical professional. Does her gender identity influence the treatment she receives or doesn’t receive?0Studying: Terms (Exam May 16)
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