Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult
Feedback (based on the Kubler Ross Model
1969)

Dealing with Difficult Feedback:
The Response Cycle
Anger and Acceptance
questioning and moving
• What’s the real forward
message?
• Withdrawal, • What does
• ‘I can’t believe this mean for • I hear and
sulking, value the
this’ me?
lack of co- message
• ‘This is not valid operation • What are the
because..’.. consequences • What are my
• Questioning options for
• ‘There’s a good the process of this?
action
reason why I
• Questioning • Help me to
did this...’ understand • I have learned
the motivation from the
and loyalty of experience
Shock and colleagues Testing and
denial finding
meaning
Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult Feedback
(adapted from the Kubler Ross Model)

Helping Individuals to Deal with Difficult Feedback
Feedback can be an empowering experience, developing an individual’s self-awareness and their capability to
change.
However for some, particularly those who receive unexpected negative or critical feedback, or feedback that shakes
their belief or self-image, it can be a difficult experience.
Individuals benefit greatly from help and support when they receive difficult feedback. Our guidance to
individuals is always to discuss the feedback with a trusted person, a manager, coach or mentor. If the feedback
is part of a work-related activity, it is critical to ensure that individuals know there is someone available who can
guide and support them through the feedback.
The graphic shows the key stages of how individuals tend to respond to difficult feedback. Although the stages
tend to move left to right, they do not always happen in sequence and people can move back and forth between
the stages over a period of time.
Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult
Feedback (based on the Kubler Ross Model
1969)

Dealing with Difficult Feedback:
Helping the Individual
Anger and Acceptance
questioning and moving
• What’s the real forward
message?
• Withdrawal, • What does
• ‘I can’t believe this mean for • I hear and
sulking, value the
this’ me?
lack of co- message
• ‘This is not valid operation • What are the
because..’.. consequences • What are my
• Questioning options for
• ‘There’s a good the process of this?
action
reason why I
• Questioning • Help me to
did this...’ understand • I have learned
the motivation from the
and loyalty of experience
Shock and colleagues Testing and
denial finding
•Listen meaning
•Answer factually
•Ask questions •Help with the
•Don’t insist, argue
•Help to interpret Action plan
or persuade
•Suggest possibilities •Discuss the
•Be available
•Be supportive Learning
Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult Feedback
(adapted from the Kubler Ross Model) •Give them time •Help to maintain
forward view

Those who are supporting individuals through difficult feedback need to be aware that at the shock,
denial and anger stages, it can be counterproductive to try to persuade the individual not to feel the
way they do. Instead it is more helpful to allow them to get through their anger, by being available to
talk, listening and responding to any factual questions they have.
Once individuals have worked through the initial stages of the cycle, they will begin to test the meaning
of the feedback, and you can support them at this stage by helping with interpretation of the feedback,
asking open questions and relating this to their experiences.
The final stage is acceptance and recognition of the feedback and its consequences, and a decision to
move forward. It helps at this time for the individual to be able to discuss their learning from the
feedback, what their options for actions are, and how they will move forward.
The cycle outlined can be a short or long one, depending on the feedback and its context, but it can
be a useful model for managers and coaches to be aware of and to apply when helping individuals to
deal with difficult feedback.
For more information on Feedback, Appraisal, Performance review or Performance Coaching, contact
us at info@tracksurveys.co.uk, or phone us on 020 7206 7279.
Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult
Feedback (based on the Kubler Ross Model
1969)