Coaching Skills Intro For Ministry Leaders

Coaching is harder than it looks, and easier than you think!
Tom Wymore

Coaching Definition
Coaching is a relationship based process that uses a set of listening-centered skills to draw out God's best in people by raising their sense of expectation, increasing their awareness of what's really happening and building their sense of responsibility.

Coach: Mentor, Sponsor or Counselor?
Understanding the difference enables us to be intentional about Coaching
“ A Mentor goes before and pours in ”
Mentoring requires expertise in the area being mentored
“ A Coach stands beside and draws out”
Coaching requires Coaching skills but not expertise
“ A Sponsor stands behind and puts forward”
A Sponsor creates opportunity and challenges initiative

How is Coaching different from counseling?
Mainly in its orientation. Coaching is primarily oriented towards…
Future rather than the Past
Strengths rather than Weaknesses
Potential rather than just Problems

Coaching works when…
A coachable challenge exists
A coach is as committed to the process as they are to the person
A coachee is as committed to the process as they are to the result

Essential Coaching Skills

Skill #1
The first “skill” to keep in mind is Coaching’s goal, which is to build three things…
E xpectation
A wareness
R esponsibility

Skill # 2
The second skill is to choose a model, pattern, process or cycle to guide your interaction (we have a long list of models. All contain a few essentials)
G.R.O.W
5 R’s
Kolb’s experiential learning model
O.S.K.A.R
A.R.R.O.W.
A.C.H.I.E.V.E

Kolb’s Experiential Learning model

Coaching application of Kolb Action/ Experience Reflection Plan for new ways Experiment / application Where are there opportunities to use & develop this skill? How can I ensure success? What went well? What will you do different next time? What options exist? What other resources for options should be considered? What if . . . ? What contingencies need I plan for? What are the underlying principles? What are the key actions? What action will I take?

G.R.O.W.

O.S.K.A.R. solution focused coaching
O utcome
S caling
K now-how & Resources
A ffirm & Action
R eview

ARROW
The next coaching model is known as the coaching ARROW as discussed by Matt Somers. The coaching ARROW is defined as:
A ims
R eality
R eflection
O ptions’
W ay forward

A.C.H.I.E.V.E.
the ACHIEVE model of Dembkowski and Eldridge.
A ssess current situation
C reative brainstorming of alternatives to current situation
H one goals
I nitiate options
E valuate options
V alid action program design
E ncourage momentum

Tom Crane – The Heart of Coaching

Coaching Process Review Relate Reflect Refocus Resource Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3

Coaching Appointment Clarify Action Steps Celebrate and Evaluate Listen and Ask Questions Crystallize Key Issues

PERSONAL REFLECTION EXERCISE…
Based upon what you know about Coaching as we are defining it…
What are some areas and relationships that you think Coaching would apply to in your life / ministry?
What will you stop doing to make room for this?
Write down your answers to these questions, then share them with the others in your triad.

What skills are needed to build:
E xpectation
A wareness
R esponsibility

Listening skills
“ I know that you think you understand what you heard me say, but I’m not sure you realize that what I said was not what I meant.”
-- Unknown

Listening is supported by two other primary skills…
Asking Questions, and
Giving Feedback

Core of the Coaching process
Ask,
 Feedback,
 Listen,
 Feedback,
 Ask,
 Listen,
 Feedback, etc.

“ There are two aspects of listening in coaching. One is attention, or awareness. It is the receiving of information through what we hear with our ears, of course, but it is also listening with all the senses and with our intuition.
The second aspect is what we do with our listening. We call this the impact of our listening—specifically the impact of the coach’s listening on the client. As an experienced coach, you need to be conscious not only of your listening, but of the impact you have when you act on your listening.”
CO-ACTIVE COACHING, pp. 32 & 33

Use Discovery Listening!
Summarize periodically
Without interpreting
Without evaluating
Invite to say more
“ What else?”
“ Tell me more.”
Unpack fully before giving your input

Effective Questions
are easy to understand
can be answered briefly
require thought [don’t be afraid of silence]
encourage disclosure
are open-ended [ i.e., they don’t allow for one-word answers ]
flow out of the Coachee’s previous statements
“ What” and “How” questions are to be preferred over “Why” questions

Providing clear & frequent feedback
Restate “What I think I hear you saying is…”
Clarify “Here’s what I am hearing… Is that correct?”
Get a larger perspective “Let’s step back from this and look at it from farther away.”
Illustrate “This sounds like you are…”
Acknowledge “You certainly took a big risk”
Summarize “Let me recap what I have heard so far.”

Refining Listening Skills
Keys to Listening Well…
Be Self-Aware
Be Self-Monitoring
Don’t answer your own questions!
Watch out for tendencies to tell stories

Refining Listening Skills
More Principles for Good Listening…
Believe in the power of listening
Don’t allow yourself to become distracted
Avoid passing judgment on what you are hearing
Demonstrate focus via eye contact and your body language
Encourage the one speaking to keep saying more
Feedback and questions both support and grow out of the coach’s careful listening!
Don’t be thinking of solutions or suggestions while they are talking

Skill # 3
Three Levels of Listening
Internal Listening
Listening to the words instead of the other person with the focus on what it means to me
Assessments, judgments, discernment and analysis are going on in my head
The impact is on me – my own thinking and clarity. I am wondering what to say next. This does not lead to insights about the other person

Skill # 3
Focused Listening
Listening for understanding – what is behind the words (values, qualities)
Attention is with the other person – being more open and intuitive
Acting like a mirror – being reflective about what is seen and heard

Skill # 3
Expansive Listening
Being fully present and feeling free to explore possibilities
Listening with all my senses
Noticing whatever wants to be noticed and offering it to the other person without attachment

Think about it!!!
Identify 3 ways you are “listening challenged” - write them down
What solutions could you use to address your listening challenges?
Share your “listening challenges” and solutions with a partner.

Refining Question-Asking Skills
What constitutes a good question?
Which of these would be good Coaching questions? Why?
“ Why are you not watching the ball?”
“ Are you watching the ball?”
“ Which way is the ball spinning as it comes toward you?”
“ How high is it…as it crosses the net?”

Good Questions Will Help…
Bring Clarity
Expand Horizons
Explore Viewpoints and Options
Increase Awareness
Focus Priorities
Promote Action

Some Helpful Hints
resist the temptation to fix things
Ask them to restate your comments to help ensure understanding
Avoid leading questions
Don’t be thinking of the next question while they are talking — this means you’re not listening!
Try “Curious Questions”

Use Curious Questions What do you want to know that you don’t know today? What are the training options available? What would “being fit” look like for you? How much exercise do you need each week? What will finishing the report give you? What topics will you include in the report? CURIOUS INFORMATION GATHERING

The Purpose of Good Questions
Good questions raise awareness
Awareness is knowing what is happening around you
Self-awareness is knowing what you are experiencing.
Good questions result in people taking responsibility
Responsibility is ownership of the experience
Responsibility is ownership of the learning

Structuring Good Questions
The wording of the question determines the wording of the answer.
The actual framing of a question demands a coaches time, energy, and careful preplanning.

Structuring Good Questions
The question must be designed with the other person in mind.
People tend to ask questions as if they were to answer them themselves.
Remember that the language, the word choice, and the direction of thought are for the sake of the one who must answer.

Characteristics of Good Questions
PERSONAL
CONSTRUCTIVE
SINGLE-SPECIFIC
SELECTIVE
CLEAR AND BRIEF
CONCRETE

PERSONAL: Pronouns such as "you," "our," or "we" would be used.
The pronouns used in the question will assist a person in taking responsibility.

CONSTRUCTIVE: A question that elicits a positive, creative response.
A question, which asks for the "most important improvement," is worth much more than one which asks for "our biggest weakness."

SINGLE-SPECIFIC: Avoid any questions that split the focus of attention. Keep the sentences clear and to the point.

SELECTIVE: Words like "one" and "best" and "most important" will help a person dip into his/her storehouse of information and come up with his/her best.

CLEAR AND BRIEF: Few people have the ability to hear a complex question, translate it into their own thinking and hold it in their memories.
When complexity overwhelms them, they tend to give up, or become confused or frustrated.
A clear, concise question in the ‘language’ of the listener is the key link to a clear and concise answer.

CONCRETE:
ask concrete operational questions (think about a grade five student)
Use care when asking questions requiring abstract thought
avoid hypothetical questions
Hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers

Feedback is Crucial
Positive
Accurate
Clear and Continuing
Positive

THE ULTIMATE COACHING VERSE
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” JAMES 1.9 [NLT]

Relate
Establish coaching relationship and overall agenda.
Key Ideas:
Trust
Clear purpose
“How can I help you?”
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4

Relate: establish coaching relationship and agenda
How are you doing?
Where are you now?
How can I be praying for you?
What do you want to address?
How can we work together?

Reflect
Discover and explore key issues
Key Ideas:
Interrogate reality
Identify the “big rocks”
“What needs to be addressed?”

Reflect: discover and explore key issues
What can we celebrate?
What’s really important?
What obstacles are you facing?
Where do you want to go?
How committed are you?

Refocus
Determine priorities and action steps
Key Ideas:
Bifocal vision
Action planning
“What will you do?”

Refocus: determine priorities and action steps
What do you want to accomplish?
What are possible ways to get there?
Which path will you choose?
What will you do?
- who, what, where, when, how
How will you measure your progress?

Resource
Provide support and encouragement
Key Ideas:
What do you have?
What do you need?
“How can you move forward?”

Resource: provide support and encouragement
What resources do you already have to accomplish your goals?
- people, finances, knowledge, etc.
What resources will you need?
What resources are missing?
Where will you find resources you need?
What can I do to support you?

Review
Evaluate, celebrate, and revise plans
Key Ideas:
Look back on progress
Learn from experience
Determine what’s next
“What can we celebrate?"

Review: evaluate, celebrate, and revise plans
What's working?
What’s not working (or didn’t work)?
What are you learning?
What needs to change?
What further training would be helpful?
What's next in our coaching relationship?

RELATE Unit 1 (30 minutes) Page 7 Coaching 101 Handbook

Summarize periodically
Without interpreting
Without evaluating
Invite to say more
“ What else?”
“ Tell me more.”
Unpack fully before giving your input
Use Discovery Listening! Coaching 101 Handbook – Page 6 (blank page)

Key Actions: RELATE
Coaching relationship and process defined.
Compatibility of coach and leader assessed.
Rapport and mutual respect established.
Trusting relationship begun.
Coaching agenda and guidelines determined.

Evaluation
What appeared to be happening with each person during the conversation?
What was the dynamic of energy?
How did the body language change?
How did questions work to uncover deeper reflection?

REFLECT Unit 2 (60 minutes) Page 21 Coaching 101 Handbook

Key Actions: REFLECT
Deeper understanding of key issues gained.
Issues sorted by importance/urgency.
Priority issues identified and agreed upon.
Commitment to address issues obtained.

Reflect Tools
What God Has Called You To Do
Priority Clarification
Balancing Personal Roles and Priorities
Ministry Evaluation
Understanding Key Issues
Coaching 101 Handbook – Pages 26-31

REFOCUS Unit 3 (40 minutes) page 35 in the Coaching 101 Handbook Coaching 101 Handbook

The key to increasing coaching effectiveness… …is preparation before the session!

Key Actions: REFOCUS
Vision clarified
Possible solutions brainstormed
Decisions made according to priorities.
Commitment to action confirmed
Change dynamics considered
Action steps determined and timeline developed
Accountability structure agreed upon

Think about it…
Who do you want to invest in?
How can you prioritize coaching in your schedule?
What will you stop doing to free up time and energy to focus?

RESOURCE and REVIEW Unit 4 (75 minutes) Resource - Page 49 Review - Coaching 101 Handbook

Abundance or scarcity?
God provides all that we need to do what God has called us to do.
Our mindset is very important
abundance mentality vs. scarcity mentality
Perspective: If God wants you to do something, then God has already provided what you need to get started.

Key Actions: RESOURCE
Existing resources assessed
All resource needs brainstormed
New resource(s) identified to accomplish goals
Where and how to find new resources determined
Role of coach clarified and confirmed (pg.54)

REVIEW Page 59 Coaching 101 Handbook

Key Actions: REVIEW
Action plan and process evaluated
Progress celebrated
Learning maximized
Midcourse corrections made
New projects identified
Coaching relationship evaluated
Pray together – provide spiritual encouragement and prayer

Coaching Appointment Clarify Action Steps Celebrate and Evaluate Listen and Ask Questions Crystallize Key Issues

Coaching Skills Intro For Ministry Leaders

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