Love and relationships....
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in...5
×
 

Like this? Share it with your network

Share

Love and relationships....

on

  • 5,824 views

Love And relationships

Love And relationships
made by :Dr Aniqa Saleem

Statistics

Views

Total Views
5,824
Views on SlideShare
5,824
Embed Views
0

Actions

Likes
2
Downloads
75
Comments
0

0 Embeds 0

No embeds

Accessibility

Categories

Upload Details

Uploaded via as Microsoft Word

Usage Rights

© All Rights Reserved

Report content

Flagged as inappropriate Flag as inappropriate
Flag as inappropriate

Select your reason for flagging this presentation as inappropriate.

Cancel
  • Full Name Full Name Comment goes here.
    Are you sure you want to
    Your message goes here
    Processing…
Post Comment
Edit your comment

Love and relationships.... Document Transcript

  • 1. Topic: Love and RelationshipsSubmitted to: Madam Shazara MehmoodSubmitted by: Group # 06Group Members: Nida Javaid (06) Rehana Kousar Nazish Fatima Aqsa Akbar Tehreem Rana Hafsa Iqbal Amtul Musawer
  • 2. Contents: 1. Introduction to love and relationships 2. What is Love? 3. Loving and liking 4. Types of love 5. Theories of love 6. Interpersonal Attraction 7. What are Relationships? 8. Interpersonal Relationships 9. Types of Interpersonal Relationships 10. Development of Interpersonal Relationships 11. Theories of Interpersonal Relationships 12. Interpersonal Intelligence 13. Kinds of feelings 14. Levels of Relationships 15. Family relationships 16. Friendship relationships 17. Concluding Paragraph 18. References
  • 3. Introduction to Love & Relationships:This is a huge subject and one full of many ideas and opinions. Everyone needs love andrelations in its life as no one can live isolate in this world without any interaction from the otherpeople. Relationships made a large and very beautiful part of our life, e.g Father and Daughter’srelation, Mother and Son’s relation, Sister and Brother’s relation and so many other beautifulrelations. Each relation needs love for its successful working.When we are in love the world feels like a great place.There are songs of love, movies and books about love. This is a never ending subject that wecould write about for months but it would be only our opinion.Love:The first definition of "love," according to The American Heritage College Dictionary, is "Adeep, tender feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinshipor a sense of oneness."Then, after ten more variations on the theme, the dictionary lists several synonyms that "denotefeelings of warm personal attachment or strong attraction to another person" — love, affection,devotion, fondness, infatuation — and describes how they compare.
  • 4. Love is the most intense: We married for love.Affection is a less ardent and more unvarying feeling of tender regard: Parental affection is thefeeling most parents have toward their children.Devotion is earnest, affectionate dedication and implies selflessness: He was a leader whoinspired devotion.Fondness is strong liking or affection: She had a strong fondness for small animals.Infatuation is foolish or extravagant attraction, often of short duration: Their infatuation blindedthem to their differences.A precise meaning of love may not be possible, although the writers of dictionaries certainly trytheir best. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is notrude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesnot delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, andalways perseveres. Love never fails.Since countless trillions of years ago, the word ―love‖ existed still, but it has never beendescribed in one word, or by single phrase. And this kind of inner complexity of love, becamelikely confusing, especially when it comes to the so-called "being in love‖, because it touches avery strange and strong dimension of humane mind, and surpasses our level of understanding,then we become overwhelmed, and out of self-control level, and this led to another step ofconfusion, extreme desire, and end up with a certain level of stress, frustration, anger, and evento the dissociation. In other words, from life to death.And surprisingly believers and non-believers even atheists, scientists, fighters and peacemakers,all kind of people believe in love or at least they collect some profits from love.So far, however we call it, the so called ―love‖ does exists, no matter what we do with it.Therefore, every single individual has right to be or not in love. Just matter of self need and
  • 5. desires, in line with independence and freedom. Because any forced love would not be calledlove, violated or abused-love instead. It is true that life without love can never exists; people might run behind money and success butat the end all we need to lead a happy and peaceful life is, loving people around.Talking about love our mind fills with lot of imaginations and fails to arrange words in order toexpress it. At such time when you are confused how to express your love to your beloved thenfirst analyze what makes you feel for the person. Is it just a fascination or true? When you pendown on the paper with words tell about an incident t about him or her that touched your heart.Next move on to find what is his or her reaction towards you. Let the person know what you likeabout him or her. Slowly roll your loving emotion towards the person to give a complete pictureof what is framed in your mind.Liking and Loving:Nothing is more important in most people’s lives than their feelings for others. Consequently, itis not surprising that liking and loving have become a major focus of interest for socialpsychologists.How do we like thee? The ways:By far the greatest amount of research has focused on liking, probably because it is easier forinvestigators conducting short-term experiments to produce states of liking in strangers whohave just met than to investigate and observe loving relationships over long periods.Consequently, research has given us a good deal of knowledge about the factors that initiallyattract two people to each other. The important factors social psychologists consider are thefollowing:
  • 6. Proximity: If we live in a dormitory or an apartment, consider the friends we made first movedin. Chances are that we became friendliest with those who lived geographically closest to us. Infact, this is one of the more firmly established findings in the literature on interpersonalattraction: Proximity leads to liking. Mere exposure: Repeated exposure to a person is often sufficient to produce attraction. Interestingly, repeated exposure to any stimulus-a person, picture or virtually anything-usually makes us like the stimulus more. Becoming familiar with a person can evoke positive feelings; we then transfer the positive feelings stemming from familiarity to the person him or herself. There are exceptions, though. In case of strongly negative initial interactions, repeated exposure is unlikely to cause us to like a person more. Instead, the more we are exposed to him or her, the more we may dislike the individual. Similarity: Folk wisdom tells us that birds of a feather flock together. However, it also maintains that opposites attract. Social psychologists have come up with a clear verdict regarding which of the two statements are true: We tend to like those who are similar to us. Discovering that others have similar attitudes, values or traits promotes our liking for them. Furthermore, the more similar others are, the more we like them. One reason similarity increases the likelihood of interpersonal attraction is that we assume people with similar attitudes will evaluate us positively. Because we experience a strong reciprocity-of-liking effect (a tendency to like those who are like us), knowing that someone evaluates us positively promotes our attraction to that person. In addition, we assume that when we like someone else, that person likes us in return. Physical attractiveness: For most people, the equation: Beautiful=Good is quite true. As a result, physically attractive people are more popular than the physically unattractive ones, if all other factors are equal. This finding, which contradicts the values that most people say they hold, is apparent even in childhood-with children of nursery school age rating their peer’ popularity on the basis of attractiveness-and continues into adulthood. Indeed, physical attractiveness may be the single most
  • 7. important element promoting initial liking in college dating situations, although its influence eventually decreases when people get to know each other better.These factors alone, of course, do not count for the liking. For example, in one experimentthat examined the desired qualities in a friendship, the top-rated qualities in a same-sexfriend included sense of humor, warmth and kindness, expressiveness and openness, anexciting personality, and similarity of interests and leisure activities.How do we love thee? The ways:Whereas our knowledge of what makes people like one another is extensive, ourunderstanding of love is more limited in scope and recently acquired. For some time, manysocial psychologists believed that love was too difficult to observe and study in a controlled,scientific way. However, love is such a central issue in most people’s lives that eventuallysocial psychologists could not resist its allure.As a first step, researchers tried to identify the characteristics that distinguish betweenmere liking and full-blown love. They discovered that love is not simply a greater quantity ofliking but a qualitatively different psychological state. For instance, at least in its earlystages, love includes relatively intense physiological arousal, an all-encompassing interest inanother individual, fantasizing about the other, and relatively rapid swings of emotion.Similarly, love, unlike liking, includes elements of passion, closeness, fascination,exclusiveness, sexual desire, and intense caring. We idealize partners by exaggerating theirgood qualities and minimizing their imperfections.Other researchers have theorized that there are two main types of love:Passionate love and Companionate love. Passionate or Romantic love represents a state ofintense absorption in someone. It includes intense physiological arousal, psychologicalinterest, and caring for the needs of another. In contrast, Companionate love is the strongaffection we have for those with whom our lives are completely involved. The love we feelfor our parents, other family members, and even some close friends falls into the categoryof companionate love.
  • 8. Psychologist Robert Sternberg makes an even finer differentiation between types of love. He proposes that love consists of three parts: Decision/commitment, the initial thoughts that one loves someone and the longer-term feelings of commitment to maintain love. Intimacy component, feelings of closeness and connectedness. Passion component, the motivational drives relating to sex, physical closeness, and romance. According to the Sternberg, these three components combine to produce the different types of love. He suggests that different combinations of the three components vary over the course of relationships. For example, in strong, loving relationships, the level of commitment peaks and then remains stable. Passion, on the other hand, peaks quickly and then declines and levels off relatively early in most relationships. In addition relationships are happiest in which the strength of various components are similar between two partners. According to the Sternberg, love has three main components: Intimacy, Passion and Decision/commitment. Different combinations of these components can create other types of love. 1. Liking(intimacy) 2. Romantic love(intimacy + passion) 3. Consummate love(intimacy + passion + decision/commitment) 4. Companionate love(intimacy + decision/commitment) 5. Infatuation(passion) 6. Fatuous love(passion + decision/commitment) 7. Empty love(decision/commitment)Types of love:There are many types of love according to its concept and understandings by psychologist. Butmain concepts about love are describe in triangular theory of love. There are basic componentsof love are intimacy, passion and commitment.The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg.In the context of interpersonal relationships, "the three components of love, according to thetriangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitmentcomponent."
  • 9. 1. Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. 2. Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction. 3. Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other. 4.According to psychologists six types of love are formulate from three basic componentsof love.Relationship Intimacy Passion Commitment TypeNon love Infatuation X Liking X Empty Love XFatuous love X XRomantic love X X - FlingCompanionate X X loveConsummate X X X love
  • 10. Fatuation is defined as a superficial type of love that is usuallyone-sided. Passion Only (No Intimacy or Commitment). Its the love atfirst sight that may lead to a more significant type of love later. Ifthe object of affection does not reciprocate interest, this can be along lasting infatuation.Liking is defined as a type of typical friendship (not a best friendship, however). Insexual relationship terms, this might include friends with benefits. ~ All Sides Absent (NoPassion, Intimacy or Commitment) – Basically, this type of relationship is of just anacquaintance.Empty Love is a long term love that has lost the passion and intimacy it once had, andthe people are staying in it out of habit or fear of change. Commitment Only (No Passion orIntimacy) – This is most often an older relationship where the passion and intimacy havedied…like ―falling out of love.‖ Another example of this might be an arranged marriage.InFatuous Love is the infatuation stage of a reciprocated relationship, and peopleinvolved are ga ga over each other. After the newness of the relationship wears off, thecommitment to continue exploring the relationship may fade off too. There is no real
  • 11. intimacy forming here that is sustainable. Hollywood calls this a whirlwind romance. Romantic Love is defined as a generally sexual relationship that wears off as the newness wears off. Theres never really a commitment to explore an intimate relationship. This might be described as a fuck buddy type of relationship. I think Romantic Love is a bit of a misnomer.Companionate Love is defined as a long term relationship with a lot of intimacy, but no passion. Perhaps its a previously passionate relationship where that aspect has worn off. Or perhaps its a very close friendship, such as a best friend.Consummate Love is defined as the complete balanced love we are all searchingfor.Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship towardwhich people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that loveassociated with the ―perfect couple.‖
  • 12. Theories of Love: Psychologists and researchers have proposed a number ofdifferent theories of love. Love is a basic human emotion, but understanding how and why ithappens is not necessarily easy. In fact, for a long time, many people suggested that love wassimply something that science couldnt understand. The following are of the major theoriesproposed to explain liking, love, and emotional attachment:Liking vs. Loving:Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is made up of three elements: attachment,caring and intimacy. Attachment is the need to receive care, approval and physical contact withthe other person. Caring involves valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much asyour own. Intimacy refers to the sharing of thoughts, desires, and feelings with the otherperson. Based upon this definition, Rubin devised a questionnaire to assess attitudes aboutothers and found that these scales of liking and loving provided support for his conception oflove. Learn more about Rubin’s Scales of Liking and Loving.Compassionate vs. Passionate Love:According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues, there are two basic types of love:compassionate love and passionate love. Compassionate love is characterized by mutualrespect, attachment, affection and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings ofmutual understanding and shared respect for one another. Passionate love is characterized byintense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. When these intense emotions arereciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings ofdespondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lastingbetween 6 and 30 months.Hatfield also suggests that passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage fallingin love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when youexperience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.
  • 13. Ideally, passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. Whilemost people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate withthe intensity of passionate love, Hatfield believes that this is rare.The Color Wheel Model of Love:In his 1973 book The Colors of Love, John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel. Justas there are three primary colors, Lee suggested that there are three primary styles of love.These three styles of love are:(1) Eros,(2) Ludos(3) Storge.Continuing the color wheel analogy, Lee proposed that just as the primary colors can becombined to create complementary colors, these three primary styles of love could becombined to create nine different secondary love styles. For example, a combination of Erosand Ludos results in Mania, or obsessive love.Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving:Three primary styles:1. Eros – Loving an ideal person2. Ludos – Love as a game3. Storge – Love as friendshipThree secondary styles:1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless loveTriangular Theory of Love:Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular theory of love that suggests that there arethree components of love: intimacy, passion and commitment. Different combinations of thesethree components result in different types of love. For example, a combination of intimacy and
  • 14. commitment results in compassionate love, while a combination of passion and intimacy leadsto passionate love.According to Sternberg, relationships built on two or more elements are more enduring thatthose based upon a single component. Sternberg uses the term consummate love to describe acombination of intimacy, passion and commitment. While this type of love is the strongest andmost enduring, Sternberg suggests that this type of love is rare.In the context of interpersonalrelationships, "the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are anintimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component."Intimacy: Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, andbondedness.Passion: Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.Commitment: Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, andin the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other."The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these threecomponents, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to eachother."Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of thesethree elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as anadult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely tosurvive than one based on two or three elements.The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each otherand with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences(nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the "amount" oflove - the bigger the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions torepresent the "style" of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:Nonlove, Friendship, Infatuated love, Empty love, Romantic love, Companionate love,Fatuous love, Consummate love are the types formed by the intermixing of three factors.Interpersonal attraction:Interpersonal attraction is the attraction between people which leads to friendships andromantic relationships. Interpersonal attraction, the process, is distinct from perceptions ofphysical attractiveness which involves views of what is and is not considered beautiful orattractive.
  • 15. The study of interpersonal attraction is a major area of research in social psychology.Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like, dislike, or hate someone. It can beviewed as force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist theirseparation. When measuring interpersonal attraction, one must refer to the qualities of theattracted as well as the qualities of the attractor to achieve predictive accuracy. It is suggestedthat to determine attraction, personality and situation must be taken into account. Repulsion isalso a factor in the process of interpersonal attraction, ones conception of "attraction" toanother can vary from extreme attraction to extreme repulsion.Causes of Interpersonal attraction:Many factors leading to interpersonal attraction have been studied, all of which involve socialreinforcement. The most frequently studied are: physical attractiveness, propinquity,familiarity, similarity, complementarity, reciprocal liking, and reinforcement.Propinquity effect of Interpersonal attraction:According to Rowland Millers Intimate Relationships text, the propinquity effect can be definedas: "the more we see and interact with a person, the more likely he or she is to become ourfriend or sexual partner." This effect is very similar to the mere exposure effect in that the morea person is exposed to a stimulus, the more the person likes it; however, there are a fewexceptions to the mere exposure effect.Exposure effect:As mentioned above, the mere exposure effect, also known as the familiarity principle, statesthat the more we are exposed to something, the more we come to like it. This applies equallyto both objects and people. The social allergy effect occurs when a persons annoying habitsgrow worse over time, instead of growing more fond of his or her idiosyncrasies.
  • 16. Like-attracts-like: The lookalike effect plays an important role called self-affirmation. A persontypically enjoys receiving confirmation of every aspect of his or her life, ideas, attitudes andpersonal characteristics and it seems that people are looking for an image of themselves tospend their life with. One of the basic principles of interpersonal attraction is the rule ofsimilarity: similarity is attractive. It is this underlying principle that applies to both friendshipsand romantic relationships. There is a high correlation between the proportion of attitudesshared, and the degree of interpersonal attraction. Cheerful people like to be around othercheerful people and negative people would rather be around other negative people.According to Morry’s attraction-similarity model, there is a lay belief that people with actualsimilarity produce initial attraction. Perceived similarity develops for someone to rate others assimilar to themselves in on-going relationship. Such perception is either self-serving (friendship)or relationship-serving (romantic relationship). Newcomb pointed out that people tend tochange perceived similarity to obtain balance in a relationship. Additionally, perceived similaritywas found to be greater than actual similarity in predicting interpersonal attraction. A 2004study, based on indirect evidence, concluded that humans choose mates based partly on facialresemblance to themselves.Similarity in different aspects:Findings suggest that interpersonal similarity and attraction are multidimensional constructs, inwhich people are attracted to others who are similar to them in demographics, physicalappearance, attitudes, interpersonal style, social and cultural background, personality, interestsand activities preferences, and communication and social skills. A study conducted by TheodoreNewcomb on college dorm roommates suggested that individuals with shared backgrounds,academic achievements, attitudes, values, and political views typically became friends.Attitudes:According to the ‘law of attraction’ by Byrne , attraction towards a person is positively relatedto the proportion of attitudes similarity associated with that person. Clore also raised that the
  • 17. one with similar attitudes as yours was more agreeable with your perception of things andmore reinforcing she/he was, so the more you like him/her. Based on the cognitive consistencytheories, difference in attitudes and interests can lead to dislike and avoidance whereassimilarity in attitudes promotes social attraction. Miller pointed out that attitude similarityactivates the perceived attractiveness and favor-ability information from each other, whereasdissimilarity would reduce the impact of these cues.The studies by Jamieson, Lydon and Zanna showed that attitude similarity could predict howpeople evaluate their respect for each other, and social and intellectual first impressions whichin terms of activity preference similarity and value-based attitude similarity respectively. Inintergroup comparisons, high attitude similarity would lead to homogeneity among in-groupmembers whereas low attitude similarity would lead to diversity among in-group members,promoting social attraction and achieving high group performance in different tasks.Although attitudinal similarity and attraction are linearly related, attraction may not contributesignificantly to attitude change.Personality:Researchers have shown that interpersonal attraction was positively correlated to personalitysimilarity. People are inclined to desire romantic partners who are similar to themselves onagreeableness, conscientiousness, extroversion, emotional stability, openness to experience,and attachment style.Interests and activities:Activity similarity was especially predictive of liking judgments, which affects the judgments ofattraction. Lydon and Zanna claimed that high self-monitoring people were influenced more byactivity preference similarity than attitude similarity on initial attraction, while low self-monitoring people were influenced more on initial attraction by value-based attitude similaritythan activity preference similarity.
  • 18. Marriage:When checking similar variables they were also seen as more similar on a number of personalitycharacteristics. This study found that the length of the average relationship was related toperceptions of similarity; the couples who were together longer were seen as more equal. Thiseffect can be attributed to the fact that when time passes by couples become more alikethrough shared experiences, or that couples that are alike stay together longer.Reasons of spouse similarity:Social homogamy refers to "passive, indirect effects on spousal similarity".The result showedthat age and education level are crucial in affecting the mate preference. Because people withsimilar age study and interact more in the same form of the school, propinquity effect (i.e., thetendency of people to meet and spend time with those who share the common characteristics)plays a significant impact in spousal similarity.Convergence refers to an increasing similarity with time. Although the previous researchshowed that there is a greater effect on attitude and value than on personality traits, however,it is found that initial assortment (i.e., similarity within couples at the beginning of marriage)rather than convergence, plays a crucial role in explaining spousal similarity.Active assortment refers to direct effects on choosing someone similar as self in matingpreferences. The data showed that there is a greater effect on political and religious attitudesthan on personality traits. A follow-up issue on the reason of the finding was raised. Theconcepts of idiosyncratic (i.e., different individuals have different mate preferences) andconsensual (i.e., a consensus of preference on some prospective mates to others) in matepreference. The data showed that mate preference on political and religious bases tend to beidiosyncratic, for example, a Catholic would be more likely to choose a mate who is also aCatholic, as opposed to a Buddhist. Such idiosyncratic preferences produce a high level of activeassortment which plays a vital role in affecting spousal similarity.
  • 19. Effects of similarity on interpersonal attraction:Similarity has effects on starting a relationship by initial attraction to know each other. It isshowed that high attitude similarity resulted in a significant increase in initial attraction to thetarget person and high attitude dissimilarity resulted in a decrease of initial attraction.Similarity also promotes relationship commitment. Study on heterosexual dating couples foundthat similarity in intrinsic values of the couple was linked to relationship commitment andstability.Complementarity:The model of complementarity explains whether "birds of a feather flock together" or"opposites attract".Studies show that complementary interaction between two partners increases theirattractiveness to each other. Complementary partners preferred closer interpersonalrelationship than non-complementary ones. Couples who reported the highest level of lovingand harmonious relationship were more dissimilar in dominance than couples who scoredlower in relationship quality.Mathes and Moore found that people were more attracted to peers approximating to theirideal self than to those who did not. Specifically, low self-esteem individuals appeared morelikely to desire a complementary relationship than high self-esteem people. We are attracted topeople who complement to us because this allows us to maintain our preferred style ofbehavior, and through interaction with someone who complements our own behavior, we arelikely to have a sense of self-validation and security.Similarity or complementarity?Principles of similarity and complementarity seem to be contradictory on the surface. In fact,they agree on the dimension of warmth. Both principles state that friendly people would preferfriendly partners.
  • 20. The importance of similarity and complementarity may depend on the stage of the relationship.Similarity seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementarityassumes importance as the relationship develops over time. Markey found that people wouldbe more satisfied with their relationship if their partners differed from them, at least, in termsof dominance, as two dominant persons may experience conflicts while two submissiveindividuals may have frustration as neither member take the initiative.Perception and actual behavior might not be congruent with each other. There were cases thatdominant people perceived their partners to be similarly dominant, yet in the eyes ofindependent observers, the actual behavior of their partner was submissive, in other words,complementary to them. Why do people perceive their romantic partners to be similar to themdespite evidence to the contrary? The reason remains unclear, pending further research.Social exchange theory:Peoples feelings toward a potential partner are dependent on their perception of rewards andcosts, the kind of relationships they deserve, and their likelihood for having a healthierrelationship with someone else.Rewards are the part of a relationship that makes it worthwhile and enjoyable. A cost issomething that can cause irritation like a friend overstaying his welcome. Comparison level isalso taken into account during a relationship. This suggests that people expect rewards or costsdepending on the time invested in the relationship. If the level of expected rewards are minimaland the level of costs is high, the relationship suffers and both parties may become dissatisfiedand unhappy. Lastly, the comparison of alternatives means that satisfaction is conditional onthe chance that a person could replace the relationship with a more desirable one.Attraction = friendship:Warren Kubitschek and Maureen Hallinan, social psychologists from the University Of NotreDame, suggested that attraction is the result of the propinquity and similarity effects and thestatus of each party involved. Their study was about the tracking program that organizes
  • 21. students according to their level of ability to learn. This is mostly implemented in middle andalmost all of high school. Their goal is to prove that students on the same track have a higherprobability of becoming friends compared to those in different tracks. Other organizationalbased groupings should also follow these factors. The propinquity effect creates an idealenvironment where students are in close physical proximity with each other and have thechance to build familiarity that leads to friendship. Similarity in tracking students is importantbecause they found that track students tend to become friends with others who have the sameacademic achievement and expectations as themselves. They also found that students on thesame level of status concerning grades will likely name them than those who are on lower levelthan their own. They conclude that although the factors mentioned do have great influence onfriendship, they are not exclusive for organized program like tracking.Attraction = romantic relationship:The triangular theory of love by Robert Sternberg is based on intimacy, passion, andcommitment. The strongest type of love, consummate love, consists of these three aspects. Theidea of this theory is that love can consist of one component alone or any combination of thethree parts: intimacy, passion, and commitment.There are many factors taken into account when a relationship turns into love. One big factor is culture. This is a common issue among twopeople who come from very different cultural backgrounds. In a study done by Phillip Shaversand his colleagues, they interviewed participants from different parts of the world and foundthat love has "similar and different meanings cross-culturally. The Chinese participants hadseveral different love concepts such as "sorrow-love”,” tenderness-pity", and "sorrow-pity".This ties into another study done by Rothbaym and his partner Tsang in 1998 in which theyresearched popular love songs from American and Chinese artists. The difference was that theChinese love songs "had significantly more references to suffering and to negative outcomes
  • 22. than the American love songs". This may be due to beliefs that interpersonal relationships arepredestined, and thus have no control over love lives.Evolutionary theories:The evolutionary theory of human interpersonal attraction states that opposite-sex attractionmost often occurs when someone has physical features indicating that he or she is very fertile.Considering that one primary purpose of conjugal/romantic relationships is reproduction, itwould follow that people invest in partners who appear very fertile, increasing the chance oftheir genes being passed down to the next generation. This theory has been criticized becauseit does not explain relationships between same-sex couples or couples who do not wantchildren, although this may have something to do with the fact that whether one wantschildren or not one is still subject to the evolutionary forces which produce them. (same sex c0uples)Another evolutionary explanation suggests that fertility in a mate is of greater importance tomen than to women. According to this theory, a woman places significant emphasis on a mansability to provide resources and protection. The theory suggests that these resources andprotection are important in ensuring the successful raising of the womans offspring. The abilityto provide resources and protection might also be sought because the underlying traits arelikely to be passed on to male offspring. Critics of this theory point out that most genes areautosomal and non-sex-linked.Evolutionary theory also suggests that people whose physical features suggest they are healthyare seen as more attractive. The theory suggests that a healthy mate is more likely to possessgenetic traits related to health that would be passed on to offspring. Peoples tendency toconsider people with facial symmetry more attractive than those with less symmetrical faces isone example. However, a test was conducted that found that perfectly symmetrical faces wereless attractive than normal faces. According to this study, the exact ratio of symmetric toasymmetric facial features depicting the highest attraction is still undetermined. It has alsobeen suggested that people are attracted to faces similar to their own. Case studies haverevealed that when a photograph of a woman was superimposed to include the features of amans face, the man whose face was superimposed almost always rated that picture the most
  • 23. attractive. This theory is based upon the notion that we want to replicate our own features inthe next generation, as we have survived thus far with such features and have instinctivesurvival wishes for our children. Another (non-evolutionary) explanation given for the results ofthat study was that the man whose face was superimposed may have consciously orsubconsciously associated the photographically altered female face with the face of his motheror other family member.Increased female attraction to men in relationships:A study by Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University found that 59% ofwomen tested were interested in pursuing a relationship with an "ideal" single man (who was,unknown to the women, fictitious). When they believed the "ideal" man already was in aromantic relationship, 90% of the women were interested in a romantic relationship.Relationship breakup:Relationship breakup is the ending of a relationship whether its a friendship or romanticrelationship. There are several reasons that a relationship may come to an end. One reasonderives from the equity theory. If a person in the relationship feels that the personal costs ofbeing in the relationship outweigh the rewards there is a strong chance that he/she will end therelationship. Break ups may also occur when the rewards outweigh costs due to guilt andshame.(Break ups :-).
  • 24. RELATIONSHIPS:Definition of RELATIONSHIP:1: the state of being related or interrelated <studied the relationship between the variables>2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as kinship or a specificinstance or type of kinship.3: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings <had a good relationshipwith his family>.Or a romantic or passionate attachment.Examples of RELATIONSHIP:She has a close relationship with her sister.Interpersonal relationship:Interpersonal relationships are social associations, connections, or affiliations between two ormore people.They vary in differing levels of intimacy and sharing, implying the discovery or establishment ofcommon ground, and may be centered on something(s) shared in common.
  • 25. Explanation of Interpersonal Relationships:An interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may rangefrom fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regularbusiness interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships areformed in the context of social, cultural and other influences. The context can vary from familyor kinship relations, friendship, and marriage, relations with associates, work, clubs,neighborhoods, and places of worship. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutualagreement, and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole.A relationship is normally viewed as a connection between two individuals, such as a romanticor intimate relationship, or a parent–child relationship. Individuals can also have relationshipswith groups of people, such as the relation between a pastor and his congregation, an uncleand a family, or a mayor and a town. Finally, groups or even nations may have relations witheach other, though this is a much broader domain than that covered under the topic ofinterpersonal relationships. See such articles as international relations for more information onassociations between groups. Most scholarly work on relationships focuses on the small subsetof interpersonal relationships involving romantic partners in pairs or dyads.Interpersonal relationships usually involve some level of interdependence. People in arelationship tend to influence each other, share their thoughts and feelings, and engage inactivities together. Because of this interdependence, most things that change or impact onemember of the relationship will have some level of impact on the other member. The study ofinterpersonal relationships involves several branches of the social sciences, including suchdisciplines as sociology, psychology, anthropology, and social work. The scientific study ofrelationships is referred to as relationship science and distinguishes itself from anecdotalevidence or pseudo-experts by basing conclusions on data and objective analysis. Interpersonalties are also a subject in mathematical sociology.The study of relationships is of concern to sociology, psychology and anthropology.Interpersonal relationships are social associations, connections, or affiliations between two ormore people. There are different levels of intimacy and sharing concerning centered aroundsomething(s) shared in common. The study of relationships is of concern to sociology,psychology and anthropology.Types of interpersonal relationships: Kinship relationships, including family relationships, being related to someone else by blood (consanguinity). For example, there is fatherhood or motherhood. Kinship
  • 26. relationships can also be made through marriage. For example, there are father-in-laws,mother-in-laws, uncles by marriage, or aunts by marriage.Formalized intimate relationships or long term relationships through law and publicceremony, e.g. marriage and civil union.Non-formalized intimate relationships or long term relationships such as lovingrelationships or romantic relationships with or without living together; the other personis often called lover, boyfriend or girlfriend (not to be confused with just a male orfemale friend). If the partners live together, the relationship may be similar to marriage,and the other person may be called husband or wife. In Scottish law they are soregarded by common law after a time. Long term relationships in other countries areoften called common law marriages, what is not quite correct as they have no specialstatus in law. Mistress is a somewhat old fashioned term for a female lover of a manwho is married to another woman, or of an unmarried man. She may even be an officialmistress (in French maîtresse en titre); an example is Madame de Pompadour.Soulmates, individuals who are intimately drawn to one another through a favorablemeeting of the minds and who find mutual acceptance and understanding with one
  • 27. another. Soulmates may feel themselves bonded together for a lifetime; and may besexual partners but not necessarily.Casual relationships, relationships extending beyond one night stands that exclusivelyconsist of sexual behavior, the participants of which may be known as friends withbenefits when limited to considering sexual intercourse or sexual partners in a widersense. Levels. Appearance. Similarity.proximity.competency.complementarity.recipricity. disclosureFriendship, which consists of mutual love, trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance,and usually means that there is common ground between the individuals involved; seealso internet friendship and pen pal.Brotherhood and sisterhood, individuals united in a common cause or having acommon interest, which may involve formal membership in a club, organization,association, society, lodge, fraternity or sorority. This type of interpersonal relationshipalso includes the comradeship of fellow soldiers in peace or war.Partners or coworkers in a profession, business, or a common workplace.Participation in a community, for example, a community of interest or practice.Association, simply being introduced to someone or knowing who they are byinteraction.
  • 28. Development of Interpersonal Relationships:Interpersonal relationships are dynamic systems that change continuously during theirexistence. Like living organisms, relationships have a beginning, a lifespan, and an end. Theytend to grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closeremotionally, or they gradually deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives andform new relationships with others. One of the most influential models of relationshipdevelopment was proposed by psychologist George Levinger. This model was formulated todescribe heterosexual, adult romantic relationships, but it has been applied to other kinds ofinterpersonal relations as well. According to the model, the natural development of arelationship follows five stages: Acquaintance – Becoming acquainted depends on previous relationships, physical proximity, first impressions, and a variety of other factors. If two people begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely. Buildup – During this stage, people begin to trust and care about each other. The need for intimacy, compatibility and such filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues. Continuation – This stage follows a mutual commitment to a long-term friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. It is generally a long, relative stable period. Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship.
  • 29. Deterioration – Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do tend to show signs of trouble. Boredom, resentment, and dissatisfaction may occur, and individuals may communicate less and avoid self-disclosure. Loss of trust and betrayals may take place as the downward spiral continues, eventually ending the relationship. (Alternately, the participants may find some way to resolve the problems and reestablish trust.) Termination – The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by death in the case of a healthy relationship, or by separation. Friendships may involve some degree of transitivity. In other words, a person may become a friend of an existing friends friend. However, if two people have a sexual relationship with the same person, they may become competitors rather than friends. Accordingly, sexual behavior with the sexual partner of a friend may damage the friendship. Sexual activities between two friends tend to alter that relationship, either by "taking it to the next level" or by severing it.Adult attachment:Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of secure attachments. Adult attachmentmodels represent an internal set of expectations and preferences regarding relationshipintimacy that guide behavior. Secure adult attachment, characterized by low attachment-related avoidance and anxiety, has numerous benefits. Within the context of safe, secureattachments, people can pursue optimal human functioning and flourishing.Love:The capacity for love gives depth to human relationships, brings people closer to each otherphysically and emotionally, and makes people think expansively about themselves and theworld. In his triangular theory of love, psychologist Robert Sternberg theorizes that love is a mixof three components: some(1) Passion, or physical attraction;(2) Intimacy, or feelings of closeness; and
  • 30. (3) Commitment, involving the decision to initiate and sustain a relationship. The presence of allthree components characterizes consummate love, the most durable type of love. In addition,the presence of intimacy and passion in marital relationships predicts marital satisfaction. Also,commitment is the best predictor of relationship satisfaction, especially in long-termrelationships. Positive consequences of being in love include increased self-esteem and self-efficacy.Theories of Interpersonal Relationships: Confucianism: Confucianism is a study and theory of relationships especially within hierarchies. Social harmony — the central goal of Confucianism — results in part from every individual knowing his or her place in the social order, and playing his or her part well. Particular duties arise from each persons particular situation in relation to others. The individual stands simultaneously in several different relationships with different people: as a junior in relation to parents and elders, and as a senior in relation to younger siblings, students, and others. Juniors are considered in Confucianism to owe their seniors reverence and seniors have duties of benevolence and concern toward juniors. A focus on mutuality is prevalent in East Asian cultures to this day. Minding relationships: The mindfulness theory of relationships shows how closeness in relationships may be enhanced. Minding is the "reciprocal knowing process involving the nonstop, interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of persons in a relationship."Five components of "minding" include: 1. Knowing and being known: seeking to understand the partner 2. Making relationship-enhancing attributions for behaviors: giving the benefit of the doubt 3. Accepting and respecting: empathy and social skills 4. Maintaining reciprocity: active participation in relationship enhancement 5. Continuity in minding: persisting in mindfulness Culture of appreciation: This section needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. Capitalizing on positive events: People can capitalize on positive events in an interpersonal context to work toward flourishing relationships. People often turn to others to share their good news (termed "capitalization"). Studies show that both the act of telling others about good events and the response of the person with whom the event was shared have personal and interpersonal consequences, including increased positive emotions, subjective well-being, and self-esteem, and relationship benefits including intimacy, commitment, trust, liking, closeness, and stability. Studies show that
  • 31. the act of communicating positive events was associated with increased positive affect and well-being. Other studies have found that relationships in which partners responded to "good news" communication enthusiastically were associated with higher relationship well-being.INTRAPERSONAL INTELLIGENCE:Intrapersonal intelligence begins to emerge at a very early age and continues to growthroughout life. Although your learning potential changes through the years, you mustnonetheless employ the same core intrapersonal skills in the ongoing integration of your lifeexperiences. This integration is greatly enhanced by your growth in the other intelligences. Yourgrowth in spirituality gives you a larger context in which to situate your life experiences; growthin language skills equips you with new words for identifying, defining, and shaping yourexperiences. As you grow in your own self-understanding, your relationships with otherschange, too. In fact, without a healthy growth in intrapersonal skills, it will be impossible toenjoy interpersonal relationships. 1. NAME FEELINGS:You could begin your examination of intrapersonal skills in a number of places: your dreams,hopes, self-perceptions, and so forth. Emotional awareness will be the starting point herebecause how you feel about yourself and life is a never-ending human preoccupation. Seldomdo you persist in doing things that make you feel bad if you can help it. To the contrary, yougenerally pursue activities and relationships that make you feel better.Another reason for beginning with emotional awareness is because feelings reveal the meaningof the events of life. Think about that for a moment. When people tell you theyre sad, whatsthe first question that comes to your mind? You want to know why theyre sad, of course.Feelings are like spiritual barometers, or windows into the soul. By becoming aware of yourfeelings you can then begin to examine the underlying perceptions and beliefs which give riseto them.Connecting emotionally with others presupposes your ability to manage your own emotionallife. The most obvious reason so many relationships fail today is because people quit feelingclose and affectionate toward one another. You would not want to stay in a relationship whereyou feel almost nothing positive, or maybe a whole lot of negatives, or, most tragically, maybenothing at all. It is true that affectionate feelings do not constitute the essence of love, but theydo help to keep things going. If you dont frequently feel warm and close toward anotherperson, then maybe there is no love at all. Although you can do almost nothing about theemotional life of others, you do have much control on your side of the relationship. Sometimes
  • 32. the changes you make for yourself will provide the stimulus needed to rejuvenate an aridrelationship.KINDS OF FEELINGS: There are four major groups of feelings: glad, sad, mad, and scared. Within each group arevarious shades of feelings. For example, within the "mad" category, anger, aggravation,indignation, fury, rage, and hatred can be identified. These are all mad feelings, but theydescribe very different experiences. Glad feelings include such states as joy, pleasure, comfort,elation, euphoria, and satisfaction. These, too, describe different experiences. Emotionalawareness calls for becoming more conscious of the subtle shades of feelings that accompanyyour life experiences.Although you use relationships to meet most of your needs, the focus in this section is on themanner in which relationships help you to meet your emotional needs. These needs have beenmentioned several times throughout this work. They include acceptance, affirmation, approval,security, belonging, and intimacy. You can accord to yourself a certain amount of acceptance,affirmation, approval, and security; but it is much better if you are doing this with others, too. Itis impossible, however, to experience belonging and intimacy in isolation. By growing ininterpersonal intelligence, you learn how to connect yourself with others so as to experience aheightened sense of belonging and intimacy. Learning how to do this may well be your mosturgent need in todays world.TYPES OF PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS:There are four types of personal relationships: parallel independent, co-dependent-counterdependent, enmeshed, and interdependent. It is possible to experience all of the four types atdifferent times in life; but most relationships generally assume only one of these four patterns. 1. A parallel independent relationship exists when two basically whole people abide with each other but do not share very much on an emotional level. Examples of this would be two healthy people living together merely for financial reasons. Two marriage partners fully involved in careers might also drift into this pattern. While this coexistence may be peaceful, it does not meet the needs for belonging and intimacy. 2. Much more common is the co-dependent-counterdependent relationship. Here, one person (call her Jane) is co-dependent on another person (call him Tom), who is rigidly anti-dependent. Tom has a sense of boundaries and independence in this relationship, but Jane does not. She defines her health in relationship to Tom; if hes OK, shes OK; if hes angry, shes angry. If Jane and Tom were to divorce, Jane would be left with a gaping emotional wound which, typically, she would try to fill with another relationship
  • 33. or through compulsive activities like excessive eating, drinking, working, or inordinate use of sex. Typically in these relationships, Tom would be involved in an addiction of some kind and would be using Jane to support this addiction; her support of his addiction is called "enabling" in the field of chemical dependency. To stay in this relationship, Jane focuses on Toms behavior, gives up her own enjoyments, and loses herself in the process. 3. Enmeshed relationships happen when two people focus so intensely on each other that they lose a sense of boundaries. This happens when two co-dependents join together. It also occurs in dysfunctional families where each person is emotionally affected by the other. In these relationships, people experience emotional connectedness; they often talk about how close they really are. However, this is only a negative intimacy because there are no boundaries between the two people. There is also no emotional freedom; what one feels, the other feels. Consequently, people in these relationships are unable to truly love one another because they all get caught up in each others emotional problems. 4. Interdependent relationships happen when two healthy people come together freely to share emotional energy (pleasant or unpleasant) with each other. There is both separateness and togetherness in this relationship. If one is angry, the other is free to listen and acknowledge these feelings without getting angry, too. Their love comes out of strength, not an addictive need to find completion in each other. This is the most satisfying form of relationship, for in it you can meet your emotional needs without losing yourself.LEVELS OF RELATIONSHIPS: There are four different levels of relationships. First in importance is the level of those peoplewith whom you share your life most intensely, that is, your family and closest friends. Secondly,there are those with whom you share much of yourself during the course of work and play --friends, co-workers. and extended family members. A third level would include people youknow and encounter occasionally, but for a superficial kind of interaction. Finally, there arethose whom you do not know and do not relate with in any significant kind of personalinteraction. In the course of time, people move in and out of all four levels: superficialacquaintances become good friends; co-workers move away and communication ceases. People in first- and second-level relationships have a profound influence upon one another. Itis in such relationships that your needs for intimacy are met. Third and fourth levelrelationships are also important, but they do not affect you as deeply. If you are criticized by acomplete stranger, you may tell him or her where to get off and think of it no longer. Butcriticism from a person you rub shoulders with daily is another matter altogether. As you live
  • 34. and interact with people in first- and second-level relationships, you are constantlycommunicating to one another an evaluation of both personhood and behavior. Like mirrors.You reflect back to one another a wide range of evaluations.Family Relationships: Family relationships are an important part of our lives, from birth of children, to weddings, toour old age. However, learning to get along with everyone is sometimes a challenge. Listen tothe words below and consult a dictionary if you need a definition. Write a sample sentence foreach word to learn how it is used in context. You can use the Internet to find such sentencesand related information.Brother, Cousin, Family, Father, Father-in-law, Fiancée, Girlfriend, Grandparents, Husband,Mother, Nephew, Niece, Sister, Twin, Wife.e.g Mother and son’s relationship:E.g Father and Daughter’s Relationship:
  • 35. Friendship Relations:An anonymous writer put it this way: "Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch.Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you. Sometimes its just enough toknow theyre standing by." Writer Elisabeth Foley points out that friendship doubles your joyand divides your grief, and that the most beautiful discovery that true friends make is that theycan grow separately without growing apart.Easily the most important place to have a friend is in marriage. For that reason, marriagecounselors continually advise husbands and wives to be friends, pointing out that you maydivorce your spouse, but you dont divorce your friend.Friendship stabilizes relationships in the business and social worlds as well. A friendship ispriceless and should be cherished, cultivated, and nurtured.Without a doubt, the greatest human relations principle is to treat other people like you wantto be treated. Friendship requires many qualities — unselfishness, genuine care for the otherperson, and the ability to listen when the other person needs to talk, to name a few. When youshow respect for your friends and gratitude for their friendship, youll be blessed in untoldways.
  • 36. Sometimes just being there — particularly in times of grief — can make a difference. Notknowing what to say doesnt matter; your presence speaks volumes and says everything thatneeds to be said. People need to share their grief and love to share their joy. If friends werethere only for those two occasions, they would still be invaluable.Concluding Paragraph:Our life is completely dependent on love. No relationship can maintain without the intermixingof love in it. Allah Almighty sends humans on earth with emotions and love relations. For theprogress of each relationship it has to surrender the love. So if we say that love is everything soit will be nothing just a solid reality.References: S.Halonen,Jane and W.Santrock , Jhon.1998.Psychology Contexts Of Behaviour. Published by Edger J.Laube.2nd edition.Pp:256-270. Hayas, Nicky.2002.Foundations Of Psychology. Published by Thomas Nelson.3rd edition.Pp:170-177. S.Feldman,Robert.2011. Understanding Psychology.10th edition .Pp: 604-608. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_relationship http://www.schoolclimate.org/guidelines/interpersonal_relationships.php http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/theoriesoflove.htm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_relationship http://scholar.google.com.pk/scholar?q=strategies+of+interpersonal+relationships&hl= en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart&sa=X&ei=ovKLT9j6JMmWOvTzuLoJ&ved=0CBkQgQ MwAA http://scholar.google.com.pk/scholar?q=strategies+of+interpersonal+relationships&hl= en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart&sa=X&ei=ovKLT9j6JMmWOvTzuLoJ&ved=0CBkQgQ MwAA http://novaonline.nvcc.edu/eli/spd110td/interper/relations/relations.html http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/BIB/HTF/EQU6.htm http://shalomplace.com/view/lil.html http://www.yourromanceguide.com/articles/relationships/developing-healthy- relationships.php http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/developing-fantastic-friendships.html