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Single Parenting: what momma never taught you
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Single Parenting: what momma never taught you

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This is a presentation I gave in 2009 to Social Workers in a sociology class. Being a single parent is very difficult. I learned much about myself and my three children. All three are adults, and …

This is a presentation I gave in 2009 to Social Workers in a sociology class. Being a single parent is very difficult. I learned much about myself and my three children. All three are adults, and gainfully employed, happy and healthy! Many of their teachers didn't understand our situation, and brought their own biases to their work with my children.

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  • 1. Single Parenting: What momma never taught you Jennifer A. Jilks www.jilks.com 01/17/14
  • 2. Single parents - our assumptions All single parents… Some single parents…
  • 3. Three Issues in a marriage… Communication Sex Finances My family divided after 16 years.
  • 4. Conflict = Emotional Stress Resolve issues Mediation Access Custody Child support P/T interviews New living conditions, routines, rules Stress huge: depression, irritability, impatience
  • 5. Special Needs Children 80% families with autism: divorce 30 Sep 2008 ... “while the divorce rates are comparable..more reported marital distress among families of children with special needs …” www.specialfamilies.com/special_couples.htm Custody issues: battles over placements
  • 6. Student-led conferences This family managed to work co-operatively to create this project. A step-mom and step-dad were important parts.
  • 7. Personal & Social Studies Principles of tomorrow 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Respect for Self Respect for Others Respect for Knowledge Nature of Citizenship Nature of Community - local => global History & Heritages - individual => global Physical Systems & the environment Enquiry Skills.
  • 8. Personal & Social Studies Respect for Self Accountability Courage Self-esteem & pride Self-discipline Self-reliance Cleanliness - head lice Personal responsibilities for one’s actions.
  • 9. Personal & Social Studies Gr. 6+ Respect for OthersRespect for societal values Change, culture, environment, power & the marketplace Awareness of international relationships Justice and fairness Property rights Due process of law Freedom of thought and action Respect for the law.
  • 10. Sociology of parenting Potential conflict in school: middle class values (bias by teachers) – Field trips – finicial issues – Assumptions of 2-parent families must change • Access issues, non-custodial parent, – Cultures – Religion – Spirituality
  • 11. Assumptions-family What is your personal definition of ‘family?’ –Same sex partners –single parenting styles –non-custodial parents –foster care –joint or 50% physical custody –working parents –latch key kids –physical and/or verbal, sexual abuse
  • 12. Belonging Some single parents… What does a single parent look like? Who are single parents? Myths: –Socieconomics –Values –Choice –Support systems Our school family!
  • 13. Hatching, matching, dispatching The wedding included 2 step-dads, 1step-mom, 2 moms, two dads!
  • 14. Holidays New holiday arrangements requires new traditions.
  • 15. Pets What do you do with pets?
  • 16. Non-custodial parents Who has the say on the bottom line for discipline, standards of dress?
  • 17. They leave home… The empty nest is a lonely one!
  • 18. Issues New home – often families must move New income levels, usually lower New school to attend, and new friends to make Abuse or neglect issues Legal separation agreement – causes conflict Custody battles/arrangements may be difficult Tempers and time are short Extreme discipline vs. guilt = inconsistent parenting Sick kids – what is a single parent to do? Dating – roles are confusing: woman or mother
  • 19. When $450 an hour isn't worth it Family law lawyer Sandy Morris Divorce lawyer who has had it with all the misery retires from lucrative but draining career The 45-year-old mother of two decided to "retire" from her $450-an-hour job with the highly respected firm Wilson Christen LLP after growing weary of watching couples fight to the death over everything from kids to cottages, RRSPs to religion. The Globe & Mail, Mar. 15/09
  • 20. Profile of Canadian Caregivers -75% of caregivers were women – 70% were married – 29% were also employed(?) – 23% of caregivers were the person’s wife – 12% were the husband – 37% were children: 28% daughters, 9% sons – 23% were other friends or relatives – 5% were paid caregivers.
  • 21. Resources www.jilks.com (articles) “Compassion” Ontarioseniors.blogspot.com Thankyourteachers.blogspot.com Mymuskoka.blogspot.com