Mary DuBueno
©2009
—a story —
by jen

To my daughters, with love
and to Mary
—wherever you are—

In 2005, on her fourth day on the job,
Jamie Lee Jones, a young computer tech
working in Iraq for the popular
U.S. defense contractor Halliburton/KBR,
was drugged and gang-raped by coworkers.
A judge who reviewed the case said this:
“Sadly, sexual harassment,
up to and including sexual assault
is a reality in today’s workplace.”

In 1976, at an elementary school
near the foothills of
Pike’s Peak Mountain,
Mary DuBueno
fought off the playground assault
of a dangerous boy named Shannon.
He had bullied her all year.

All the little girls
and one sweet little boy
ran away scared.

One second, they were third graders
frolicking with jump ropes
and monkey bars.
The next second,
Mary was pinned against
a set of locked doors.

Tears streamed down
her soft brown face
as childhood bliss ran aground.

The sexual assault lasted for only a few moments.
It was abetted by the remaining boys
who formed a little human boy wall
the eight-year-old girl could not scale.

In the early 1990s
posted on a foreman’s desk
in a dark corner of a federal facility
was a crude copy of a
World War II poster
— Rosie the Riveter —
proudly going to work
to support the war.
Donning a cute red bandana,
these words were scrawled
underneath her
beautiful and patriotic face:

“Shut up and work, bitch.”

Sexual harassment is not about lust.
It is the mean little cousin
to sexual assault.
It is about power, control and
dominance over women.

Sexual harassment is a form of
violence against women,
and it leads to
devastating consequences
including physical and
psychological injuries.
It prevents the integration of women
in the workplace and reinforces the
subordination of girls to boys,
women to men.

It violates a girl’s dignity.
Sexual violence pervades the world and
sexual harassment is just one of the first links in a long chain.

Sexual harassment is not someone’s personal dilemma.
Sexual harassment is a crime.

Men (or boys) who
sexually harass women (or girls)
sexualize the work or
school environment
in an effort to diminish
the role of females.

Sometimes, they succeed.

It is also true that men can
be sexually harassed.
It just doesn’t happen as frequently,
but it is just as humiliating and illegal.

Years of experience,
post graduate education and
impressive credentials
do not serve as an inoculation
against sexual harassment.
The research scientist is
no more immune
than the 19-year-old girl
working at a Houston dry cleaner.

In fact, studies indicate that
women who do not conform to
gender stereotypes are particularly targeted.
In most cases, men sexually harass
assertive, ambitious and independent women leaders.

Sexual harassment can be
a dizzying world
of he-said/she-said.
In the absence of witnesses,
complaints can become fodder
for a dark fairy tale,
Shut Up and Work, Bitch.

The men who sexually harass women
know they can grope them
in the elevator one minute
and isolate them at the
office party the next.

Sadly, women who complain about sexual harassment
are often isolated by other women.

No wonder
more people
don’t come forward.

As if it’s not hard enough
for women to
secure equal pay,
compete for executive positions
and balance children and career,
women must work with the knowledge
that they are not adequately
protected from unwanted
sexual behavior and comments.

According to government and media,
sexual harassment and
sexual discrimination
are both on the rise
—despite—
Jenson vs. Eveleth Mines
Tailhook, Anita Hill and so many more.
(In 2007, EEOC reported that the number of
sexual harassment complaints had increased
for the first time since 2000.)

And, it’s no big surprise.
—After all—
according to sexual harassment law,
there are no consequences
for being bad when nobody is looking.

What it will take for
our daughters
to inherit a workplace
free from these
civil rights violations
?

In 1976,
I ran away from
Mary DuBueno.

I will never run away from anyone again.

I will not be complicit,
I will not collude.

Joshua 1:9
“Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged,
for the Lord your God
will be with you wherever you go.”

post script
Jen, who kept this story to herself for 32 years,
declined to use Mary’s real name.
There are more stories where this came from.
She shared this one for the first time
last year with her 10-year-old daughter.

What story are you waiting to share

Jen was born in Los Angeles. She has lived in Oklahoma for 25 years.
Please visit her blog,
are you there, God? it’s me, generation X.
www.jenx67.com
You may also contact her by email at jenx67@cox.net.