Teen Dating Violence Mesa Police Department Family Violence Unit
How serious is this problem? Place local news casts regarding DV here or crime scene photos
What is teen dating violence? It is what happens in a teen dating relationship when one person uses physical , emotional or sexual abuse to gain power and keep control over the other person.
Love shouldn’t hurt!
Dating Violence is not an argument once in a while……. It is a continual pattern of abusive and or violent behavior.
1 in 3 teens will be in a dating/abusive relationship.
A female is battered every nine seconds. [California Alliance Against Domestic Violence, 1994]
It is estimated that one third of all high school and college students will have been in an abusive relationship by the time they graduate. [Levy, 1992]
Relationship violence is the number one cause of injury to women ages 15-44: more than rapes, muggings and car accidents combined. [Center For Community Solutions, 1997]
Violence happens in same-sex relationships too. When it does, gay and lesbian teenagers often don’t know where to turn for help. If they are not comfortable telling people that they’re gay, that makes the situation even harder. (AzCADV)
Girls are not the only ones who are abused physically or emotionally in relationships. Boys also experience abuse, especially psychological abuse. Boys rarely are hurt physically in relationships, but when it happens it’s often severe. Boys can also be pressured or forced into unwanted sex, by girls or other boys.(AzCADV)
95% of abusers are male.
30% of all teens report worrying about their personal physical safety in a relationship.
29% have been pressured to have sex or engage in sex when they do not want to.
20% report that they have been hit , slapped, or pushed by a partner.
How do you know if you are being abused?
Take the relationship quiz?
Are you going out with someone that…..
is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking up?
tries to control you by being bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinions seriously?
puts you down in front of friends, tells you that you would be nothing without him?
makes you worry about his reactions to things you say or do?
uses weapons to threaten and intimidate you?
has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others?
grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you?
pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex?
gets too serious about the relationship too fast?
abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to take them?
has a history of failed relationships, and blames the other person for all the problems?
makes your family and friends uneasy and concerned for your safety?
makes you feel like you need to apologize to yourself or others for your boyfriend's behavior when he treats you badly?
These are all considered RED FLAGS
What do you experience being in an abusive relationship?
Low self esteem
*The isolation of abusive relationships provides an ideal climate for the progression of addictions.
i.e. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, cutting.
Cassie’s Story Barbara Dehl is a 47-year-old mother of 4 daughters who lives in Nampa, Idaho. On December 4, 1999, after nearly a 3 year battle with local authorities in Soda Springs, Idaho, her 17 year old daughter, Cassandra “Cassie” Marie Dehl, a high school senior, was killed by her abusive older boyfriend. After several years of beatings and attempted strangulation at the hands of her boyfriend, Cassie died. Her boyfriend’s truck plunged 400 feet from a forest service road into an old abandoned mining pit. Cassie’s abusive boyfriend was not in the truck as it crashed down the embankment, but Cassie was. This accident was not reported for more than 15 hours and the fact that Cassie was in the wreckage and left at the scene was not reported for nearly 18 hours. When investigators finally arrived at the scene, Dehl’s beautiful 17-year-old daughter, who wanted to be a first grade teacher, was dead, her body frozen solid. Cassie suffered years of abuse at the hands of her boyfriend and it was learned after her death that her boyfriend strangled Cassie days before she died.
Vicki and Jenny Crompton
Jenny Crompton was 15 years old when her High School boyfriend stabbed her 66 times.
Police say he was waiting in her house when she got home from school, angry that Jenny had recently broken off their volatile year-long relationship.
Jenny’s mom ,Vicki, wrote a book titled, “Saving Beauty from the Beast” that teaches parents how to protect their children from unhealthy relationships.
PSA’s Get Public service announcements from Seeitandstopit.org. Place them into your power point.
Activity(Role play) Wheel of Misfortune
Power and Control wheel is a tool used to educate victims on the tactics that abusers use to gain power and control over a person.
You will be assigned a Player # (1 or 2)
Spin the power and control wheel.
Two players will act out the tactic the arrow lands on. The scenario will be given to you. Player 1 will be the abuser and Player 2 will be the victim.
Act out the scenario.
Audience will determine how Player 1 is gaining power and control over player 2
Dating Bill of Rights
I have the right:
To ask for date.
To refuse a date.
To be treated with respect always.
To choose and keep my friends.
To tell my partner when I need affection.
To refuse affection.
To change my mind - at any time.
To leave a relationship.
To be treated as an equal.
To refuse sex at any time for any reason.
As a boyfriend or girlfriend
I have the responsibility:
To determine my limits and values.
To communicate clearly and honestly.
To ask for help when I need it.
To not humiliate or demean my boyfriend or girlfriend.
To refuse to abuse - physically, emotionally or sexually.
To take care of myself.
To respect myself and my boyfriend or girlfriend.
To allow my boyfriend or girlfriend to maintain their individuality.
To be honest with each other.
The truth about abuse
It is a learned behavior. People are not born to abuse others. Sometimes abusers grow up in violent homes and continue the cycle in their own personal relationships.
Drugs/Alcohol DO NOT cause someone to be violent. These chemicals just aggravate the situation.
Dating Violence is not anger out of control.
Domestic Violence/ Dating Violence is using anger to gain power and control over someone.
Most of the time abusers will never get better because it is a learned behavior and cannot be unlearned. Sort of like learning to ride a bike; You can never forget how to do that.
The best remedy for Domestic Violence besides education is to hold abusers accountable for their actions. Let them know that it is wrong and you won’t stand for it.
Where do we learn these abusive behaviors?
Violence in the home
Children raised in violent homes are:
6 times as likely to commit suicide
26 times as likely to commit sexual assault
57 times as likely to abuse drugs
74 times as likely to commit other crimes against persons
Patriarchal Society and Historical View of Women
Whenever women and children are seen as ‘belonging’ to a man, violence has been used as a tool of legitimate control.
In 584, 43 catholic bishops and 20 other men representing bishops took a vote to declare if women were human. The result was 32 yea and 31 nay.
Th omas Edison said, “Direct thought is not an attribute of femininity. In this, women are now centuries behind man.”
Former U.S. President Grover Cleveland said, “Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.”
In June of 1997, Justice Donald Roberts of Franklin County, NY said, “every woman needs a good pounding now and then.”
Act Like a Man
Act Like a Woman
What stereotypes are you taught early on?
How are woman and men supposed to act?
What happens if you think outside the perceived stereotypes? Labels?
Images you see in magazines and television that promote violence against women.
Popular Music and videos glorify violence against women and portray sexist attitudes towards women.
Perpetrators of domestic violence were often identified as bullies in school . 
Bullying is defined as something that someone repeatedly does or says to dominate or gain power over another person.
Video 3 In the Mix, “Twisted Love”
Activity 2 What would you say?
Break up into groups.
Each group will receive a letter from a concerned teen about an abusive relationship. As a group read the letter and respond to the letter with advice.
Be honest in your responses.
Assign a spokesperson to read the response.
Discuss as a class your responses.
* Think of different approaches. Be creative.
“ Tough Guise” Part 2
If I am being abused, What do I do?
Teen safety plan
If you believe you are at risk:
• Try not to be alone with them.
If you’re going out arrange another way of getting home rather than going with them.
Don’t drink or use drugs.
Always have extra money in case you have to call a taxi or make a phone call.
Make up a “code word” for family, friends, teachers so they know when to call for help.
Ask parents or family members to screen calls and visitors.
Take different routes or change the time that you leave if you think you will be followed.
If you want to break up, do it over the phone rather than in person.
Try talking to your parents, school personnel, counselors;they can take the steps to protect you.
Take all threats of harm seriously and notify an adult because your safety may be at risk.
Resources for teens
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Your School Resource Officer or counselor can help.
EVERYONE STAND UP AND PLACE YOURSELF IN ONE OF THREE ANSWERS to the following statements. Discussion.
Women should be treated like Queens.
It is okay to hit a women as long as it is out of love and compassion.
A healthy relationship= Equality
Most relationships that are only verbally abusive almost never turn violent.
Being an abuser is a choice;being a victim is also a choice.
There is no exuse for abusing another person.
People who are more educated or have more resources are not as susceptible to abuse.
Boys that are abused by girls are sissies.
Mesa receives approximately 300 cases of Domestic Violence each month.
The national average of DV cases that do get reported is 20%
Abusive relationship are usually happy at first .
Most abuse does not escalate as time goes on.
Relationship abuse is all about one person being angry or on drugs or alcohol.
Victims in abusive relationships usually stay because they like it.
Abusive behavior is a learned behavior.
If there is abuse in the home, the young boys will automatically grow up to be abusers.
Abusers in relationships are generally %55 boys and %45 girls
• If a man goes through anger management class or counseling, he will not try to gain power and control again.
• The most dangerous time for a victim is when she does leave the relationship.
Continue dating quiz
Just because a boy bullies other boys does not mean he is likely to bully other girls.
Men and Women should be treated as equals.
Law Enforcement agencies talk about DV cases…read the reports.