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The Zombie Run Preparedness Chart
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The Zombie Run Preparedness Chart


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Do you think you have what it takes to tackle The Zombie Run? How much training have you done? It's time for a gut-check. It's time for some soul-searching. It's time to assess your preparedness for the Race. Check out the Preparedness Chart and see how much extra training you need to put in before the big show. Then hop over to and find out how to do it.

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  • Survivor Edition!
    Created by: Jason Oliveira MS, RD, LDN, CDOE, CSCS, SSN 2012
  • Transcript

    • 1. Preparedness Chart
    • 2. “When you are in my house, you follow my rules. And this is my house! “Wait, what do you mean Zombies do not play by the rules? …What am I supposed to do now? • Surviving Zombieland takes cunning, fortitude, and resourcefulness...along with strict adherence to the rules. Because if you are going to have any chance at surviving an onslaught of braineating, undead goo-bags…you gotta have rules. Columbus was smart enough to know this, and kept himself alive much longer than the rest of the population. • Unfortunately, it takes more to survive the Apocalypse, then just rules alone. Without proper training, strength, power, courage, dashing good looks, or Tallahassee around to carry him through, his end was inevitable. • If you are like Columbus, you will never even make it to the race. You’ll probably fall victim to the Zombie Horde while sitting on the toilet, trying to push out a new rule to follow.
    • 3. “Follow me if you want to live! Now was it a right or a left to the pub? “Hey where did all these Zombies come from? …Bollocks. • When all hell breaks loose, it makes sense to rely on your close friends and to stick to the places you know well. Beyond that, your chance of survival is directly proportional to your ability to turn ordinary objects into weapons of destruction. Remember, it does not matter who you were yesterday, it matters who you are now. • Of course when your closest mates only skill is beating Tekken 2, your most familiar place is the local pub, and a cricket bat is your weapon of choice, your chances of survival do not exactly equal Rambo status. Courage without skill is like racing without training: you may be able to fake it for a moment, but chances are you will not make it past lunch time. • If you are like Shaun of the Dead, the first zombie wave on Race-Day will quite likely be more potent than your liquid courage, and you will quickly find yourself a part of the mindless masses. . . quite literally.
    • 4. “They were not psychos, they were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I do not care how crazy they are! “But these damned things, nothing I do fazes them. Not crosses, stakes, or holy water. Lets see what tequila does....for me. • The ability to adapt and overcome is the underlying tenant to surviving the Apocalypse. Seth Gecko is the embodiment of adaptation; he befriends his own hostages to fight off the unholy creatures attacking him, stakes his brother when he was lost to the evil, and is able to survive From Dusk Till Dawn without being lost himself. • But natural ability and luck can only take you so far in life. When Seth thought his natural propensity towards kicking Vampire-Ass would transfer to the Race-Course, he was dead wrong. Without support, shelter, or an awesome Quentin Tarantino script to follow, he found himself overwhelmed shortly after starting, and sent to a fiery place where Batman and Robin plays nonstop 24/7. • Realize that without sport-specific training, your days . . . and nights are numbered. If you want to be able to make it through a Zombieinfested obstacle course with your brains intact, you had better take your training out of the gym, and into the deep woods. Just come prepared, or you may find yourself staying much longer than expected. . .
    • 5. “I got what you want . . . A cute face, and athletic body, Straight As, a great social circle, 2 boyfriends, and a hell of a nightlife. “But, can you open this bottle for me . . . tee hee? • While Seth may have stepped up when it was time, this girl was predestined for her job, her name is Buffy The Vampire Slayer, after all. Able to handle vampires, demons, the end of the world, and high school all at the same time, she is the antithesis to the dumb blond. • Despite being the chosen one, and training her entire life to thwart evil, she is still just a high-school aged girl. Without maturity, and the strength that comes with it, her overall power production is limited. Buffy was able to make it half way through the Race-Course until she tuckered herself out fighting off the Zombie Hoard while trying to scale the walls. With her strength drained she retired to the easier job of staking bloodsuckers after third period math. • Natural ability or no, you need to train, and you need to train specifically for the race. And that training has to include both upper and lower body strength. Without building that strength, you will find yourself slowly slipping down the wall, and into the eager hands of the decaying masses below . . . and they do not care what color your hair is, they just want whats underneath . . .
    • 6. “Stakes, silver, gun powder, gattling gun . . . check. I will bring the wrath of God to all that is unholy and unjust. “Of course, with the way the world looks, I think I have a lot of work ahead of me . . . • Gabriel is also a vampire slayer, but his bloodline is a bit thicker than Buffys. He is the greatest of a long line of hunters who have fought the demons of this world from the beginning, and it was he who delivered the fatal blow to the near immortal Dracula. • With courage, training, and skill, Van Helsing moved swiftly through the Undead masses, sending many back to their upturned graves. However, after centuries of fighting the darkness, his endurance has diminished. Near the end of mile 2 the exertion needed to trudge through the mud and muck takes a toll on him, and he disappears. There are those that think he succumbed to the Undead, but the wise know that he deftly exited when he had a chance and is now off chasing bigger evils, like the Beast that inhabits the Spartan Race. • Sure, you can stake vampires and shoot werewolves, but can you outlast the Zombie Horde? Agility and cunning will help, but endurance is a necessity. If you can not run from start to end, you will be caught. And you may be strong enough to fight them off for a while, but not forever. Its ok though, because when its all over, you will have a never-ending supply of energy . . . and a never-ending hunger for brains.
    • 7. “My job is death. Living, or Dead, if it once took breathe, I can do my job. “As for the Living Dead . . . they require overtime. • As a Death Dealer Selene has spent centuries perfecting the art of slaying Lycans. And when she was betrayed by Vampires, she added them to her hit list. Cold and skilled, she stood between two supernatural armies and sent them both to the Underworld. Born human, turned vampire, and now something more, her job is war, and she is good at what she does. • Upon entering the race Selene found herself hunted once again. But being used to killing things that can actually die, she wasn't fully trained for the endless droves of Zombie Masses. So with the finish line in sight, she set fire to the entire Race-Course to end the threat. While brutally effective, this also effectively ended the race for her, and she was never able to finish. • Unless you have been trained since childhood to destroy armies, you need more training. Team Trainings do not occur every day, so you need to put some time in on your own doing the Ragnarok Individual Trainings to develop your GPP and GMT. When you're surrounded by the Horde, if you can not keep yourself together, they will gladly tear you apart.
    • 8. “You will feel pain, and you will ask for mercy. But I shall grant you none. “I alone fight this battle. I alone am your destroyer. . . . And alone I remain. • The DayWalker, Blade, travels through the light and the dark to destroy those that took everything away from him and in the process made him who he is. He has spent his entire life preparing to flood the Undead world with death, and burn all that does not sink. To those that do not know fear, he is fear incarnate. • Blade has trained for this day since he could walk. He dispatches the Race-Course as if it were a ghoul itself. Leaving a path of decaying body parts still squirming and clutching for him, he moves through the course swiftly, pausing only for a moment at the finish line to admire the setting sun. And as he removes one final Zombie head from its past owner he wishes his friend was still around to enjoy the party. • You may have trained your whole life for this day and may be more than ready to tackle the horrors that are to come. But the Lone Wolf act only works for so long. Join Ragnarok, and gain the support you have always needed, whether you knew you needed it or not. Otherwise, a time will come when you wished you had another set of eyes, a second pair of ears, or an extra set of stop the bleeding.
    • 9. “This is me calm. If I were angry, the world might never recover. “I need neither solace, assistance, nor understanding. All I need is answers . . . and I have a lot of questions. • Almost everything about Alice is a mystery. Her past, her motives, her abilities. All that is truly known is her lethality. There is no Zombie in this world that can withstand the Resident Evil that she is able to dish out. Brought back from death, genetically enhanced, and totally pissed off, to survive her wrath your only hope is not to get infected. • Alice is a weapon, and she unleashes herself upon the Race-Course. Nothing ever had a chance, and nothing so much as slows her step. Yet, despite her effort, she finds she is far from first-place. While her attempt was flawless, there were quicker and easier ways to finish the course. • As bad as you are, you are not a genetically engineered weapon, and you cannot hope to float through the course with ease. You may work as hard as you possibly can, and still fall short because you lacked the expertise and insight on how to be more effective and efficient. Join Ragnarok, come to the Team Trainings, see what you did not know you lacked, and learn how to be more than you are now. Otherwise, we'll save you a beer at the finish line . . . but it might be warm by the time you get there.
    • 10. “Good. Bad. I am the guy with the gun. Now, come get some. “Anybody got some spare lube? . . . My saw is kicking to the left. • If you need to survive a Zombie Apocalypse, there is no better man to do it then Ash Williams. This guy has decimated every bit of Evil Dead the world has to offer. He has killed armies of past, present, and future Deadites; he has killed friends, family, and girlfriends who have turned evil; he has killed his evil self...he has even killed his evil hand. Wielding a chainsaw and a boomstick, this guy is the very best that SMart has to offer. • The race was like a G-rated movie compared to what Ash is used to. Smiling the entire time, he was seen skipping merrily through the Race-Course as he lopped off limbs and coated the scenery in black blood. Laughing hysterically he arrived at the finish line well before every other racer except one, who was now enjoying the show. • You may be hard as a rock, tough as nails, and ready to sacrifice loved ones and body parts for the greater good. But if you do not practice specifically for the Evil that is to come, the best you can expect to be is a second-place remake of the original Badass. The Practice Mudders are the key to it all. Master them, or be consumed by an Army of Darkness.
    • 11. “Do not try my patients as I contain the wrath of the heavens . . . and am quick to anger. “This be no race, Tis merely a game of Whack-A-Mole. • The one responsible for heralding Ragnarok. The one responsible for defeating the MidGard Serpent. Zombies rising from the grave and overtaking the world is just something to occupy the time between lunch and dinner for Thor Odinson. With the power of a god his might is Thunder, and his fury Lightning. He is heir to the Eternal Throne, and protector of this realm. Hope of survival springs from his being. • Seeing the race as more of a civic duty than a sport, Thor took to splattering Zombies like it was his job. The bags of decaying flesh became mere pinatas; exploding when hit and raining their innards down upon spectators like rotten bits of candy. By the time he reached the finish line, 10 seconds had passed, and all that had uprooted themselves from the grave were returned to it as fertilizer. • The only way you will have the might of Thor is to be worthy of The Hammer. And the only way to be worthy of The Hammer is to race with Ragnarok. Prepare yourself by conquering the Individual Trainings, Team Trainings, and Practice Mudders. And when you have finished, and when you are ready . . . a Zombie Apocalypse will be a refreshing break from the Ragnarok you are used to.