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The things every consultant needs to know...

The things every consultant needs to know...

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  • 1. As we all know, shit rolls downhill. The following diagram illustrates exactly how this process takes place in a professional services firm.
  • 2. At the top of the hill is the Client. Generally, the Client, in one way or another, generates the shit. Client Shit
  • 3. Partner The shit first reaches the Partner. But Partners are very adept at smelling shit coming, and say, “I’m a Partner, I don’t have to take this shit.” And so the shit rolls on by.
  • 4. Senior Manager Now the shit reaches the Senior Manager. It’s picking up some speed by now, and the Senior Manager gets splashed. “Phew, this shit stinks,” says the Senior Manager, “better pass it down.”
  • 5. Manager So the shit washes over the Manager, and he gets well dipped in shit. But by this time, the shit has a lot of momentum, and it keeps rolling down.
  • 6. Senior Consultant And so the shit lands on the Senior Consultant. And the Senior Consultant gets covered in it, and spends the entire engagement swimming in it.
  • 7. Crest of Ignorance The Analysts are shielded from the shit by the Crest of Ignorance, which keeps shit from rolling down on them, and ensures that the Senior Consultant remains submerged. Analysts
  • 8. Cave of Unreported Exceptions Meanwhile, however, the Analysts discover more shit as they proceed with the engagement. Not sure what to do with it, they conceal it in the Cave of Unreported Exceptions.
  • 9. Fermented shit After a while, the cave gets filled with shit, and it starts to ferment. Then the Senior Consultant begins to smell hidden shit, and wonders “Dammit, now who’s been hiding shit?”
  • 10. So, next time you’re on an engagement, and you wonder why your life seems like shit, just refer to the diagram.