100 ways to get sleep when you sleep with a snorer nov 15 2012
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 1. Buy the house next door and sleep in different houses 2. Sleep in a different room – one partner upstairs and one partner downstairs 3. Havehis and her sleeping rooms same floor 4. Build a Soundproof snorer sleeping room and you sleep in a different bedroom – this way the noise won’t travel and keep you awake 5. Get a cat who likes to sleep on your snoring partner’s face (likes the vibration and noise) to muffle the level of snoring 6. Play white noise to distract from the noise 7. Have your partner wear a sleep apnea mask hooked up to oxygen to minimize or stop the snoring 8. Ask your snorer to put on the sleep aid nose Band-Aid before they go to sleep to minimize the noise level 9. Have your snorer go in for surgery to minimize or eliminate the snoring i.e. there is throat surgery to keep the “flap” open which either eliminates or minimizes snoring 10. Ask partner to get an injection of muscle relaxer for the back of the throat so that the flab at the back of the throat does not vibrate and make a loud snoring sound 11. Ask your partner to spray a numbing liquid in their mouth and at the back of the throat before they go to sleep in order to relax the “flab” so that it does not vibrate and therefore reduces the snoring sound so you can sleep. 12. Sleep with ear plugs 13. Sleep with construction worker’s grade ear protection 14. Sleep with air traffic worker’s ear protection on 15. Play music to drown out the noise
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 16. Fall asleep with the TV on so that this is the noise hear vs. focusing on the snoring 17. Play music in the same tone in order to make the noise invisible so that all you hear is the music 18. Hook up a microphone next to your partner so that when they snore it is amplified and they wake up, so that you can learn to sleep with their mouth closed and don’t’ snore (sleep behaviour training) and you sleep with them with construction ear protection – so if they ask what “happened, why did they wake up, you can say it was their snoring that woke them up. 19. Have your partner agree to sleep with someone who snores louder than they do for 3 weeks and then see if they wish to explore options to minimize their snoring so you can sleep (e.g. they have an experience so they know what it feels like). 20. Get a shift worker job that is on a different sleep schedule from your partner – so you sleep at different times in the day 21. Nap throughout the day so that you don’t need much sleep at night – you’ve got it during the day and go to sleep before your partner – so if you are awakened from snoring – you’re not sleep deprived 22. Arrange a different sleep schedule with your partner: you sleep for 3 hours when you come home from work, and then you sleep again the last couple of hours while your partner is getting ready for work the next day – e.g. split the hours you sleep to get all of your sleep hour requirements. 23. Change jobs to one where you need to travel, like a regional or national sales manager so you get to sleep away from your partner 3-4 days a week and catch up on your sleep
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 24. Leave your partner – then you don’t have to sleep with them. Which means you won’t be kept awake from their snoring. 25. Get a divorce so you don’t sleep with that person anymore 26. Take a sleeping pill and go to bed before your partner 27. Get drunk and pass out before your partner goes to sleep 28. Go to a swinging singles party and hook up with a different partner every couple of nights to catch up on your sleep 29. If it is true that you don’t snore when you sleep on your side construct a narrow box wall on the bed that only enables your partner to sleep on their side – there is no room to roll onto their back 30. If it is true you don’t snore when you sleep on your side – get a medical team to create a back brace that your partner puts on every night so they can’t roll over onto their back to snore. 31. If it is true you don’t snore when you sleep on your side, put spikes or tacks on the bed that your partner would roll onto if they went on their back, so that they get a reminder to stay sleeping on their side 32. If it is true you don’t snore when you sleep on your side, put your partner in an ankle bungee cord and another bungee cord around their chest that is attached to either end of the bed to hold them in place lying on their side or on their stomach. 33. Make a snorer night shirt that has tennis balls sewn into the back of the nightshirt so that your partner cannot roll onto their back comfortably and stay on their back and snore. 34. Make a snorer sleeping gown that has a spring lever sewn into the back, so that if your partner rolls onto their back to snore,
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? they will be pushed back onto their side (in which position they will not snore). 35. Make a snorer pj bottoms that has latches that match to the bed, so your partner puts their pj latches into the bed that holds them into a side sleeping position and they can’t roll over onto their back –(so won’t snore). 36. Buy a special neck support pillow that positions the head and neck so that it minimizes snoring 37. Buy a special neck pillow that is locked to the bed. Once your partner puts their head in the pilot it gently locks them in place so that the head stays in the sideways position. They can’t roll onto their back so no snoring. 38. Buy a special leg pillow that is locked to the bed. Your partner puts their legs in this pillow to keep them sleeping on their side – so they don’t roll over onto their back and snore. 39. If it is true that you only snore when you open your mouth, put a small surgical tape vertically down their mouth at the centre as a small unconscious reminder to keep the mouth closed. Note sides of mouth can open so no choking. 40. If it is true that you only snore when your mouth is open, then get your partner to learn to sleep with a baby’s soother/dummie in their mouth. If babies can do it…… 41. Swaddle your partners’ head so that their mouth remains closed when they sleep. 42. Put large elastic bands over your partner’s head and under their jaw to keep their mouth closed when they sleep- so they don’t snore.
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 43. Hook up your snorer to a small electrical devise that gives them a small jolt to wake them when they start to snore – so that is doesn’t get very loud and it doesn’t wake you but wakes them and they stop snoring 44. Go to sleep before your snorer 45. AskNASAto design a new head box for snorers to wear, that they put on before they sleep. It would be permeable and yet keep the sound inside around the person’s head and not travel to others 46. Have the snorer hooked up to a snore bag – so all of their snores go into a sound proof bag that covers their nose and mouth – and not into the atmosphere. Snores won’t reach your ears! 47. Explore ways in which snoring energy can be captured and stored and hook your partner up to a Nano snoring energy capturing device so that you see snoring as a positive energy source that saves you money (e.g. power your lights with snore power rather than electricity– so you change your feelings towards the value of snoring and not your partner (e.g. like a wind turbine at a Nano level). And saving power/energy is such a good feeling that this makes you relaxed when you hear snoring and you fall asleep listening to this wonderful eco-friendly activity. 48. Hypnotize yourself so that every time you hear snoring you think it is the most beautiful sound in the world 49. Hypnotize yourself so that you think the sound of snoring is a lullaby and this sound now lulls you to sleep 50. Hypnotize your partner to stop snoring
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 51. Hypnotize yourself that when you fall asleep, whenever you open your eyes and wake up you feel fully rested regardless of the amount of sleep you have 52. Hypnotize yourself into believing you are deaf when you sleep with your partner so that you don’t hear any noise at all. If there is a fire or a child cries - your partner has to attend to it and/or wake you up 53. Hypnotize your partner to make their snoring sounds to sound like waves crashing – so the sound is soothing and it makes you sleepy and fall asleep. 54. Hypnotize your partner to make their snoring sound like a various noises you would hear in a rain forest at night and a) tape it and sell these tapes so you make money; b) it makes you relax because you know you partner is making money even when they sleep so all is well regardless of this terrible economy. 55. Hypnotize your partner to make their snoring sound like whales singing and this makes you relax and fall asleep 56. Hypnotize yourself into thinking that whenever you hear your partner snoring you are actually hearing whales song music and this relaxes you and makes you fall asleep/ or back asleep 57. Hypnotize yourself into thinking that whenever you hear your partner snoring you are hearing the sound of waves gentling reaching a beach and this relaxes you and your fall asleep or back to sleep. 58. If snorers don’t wake themselves up with their snores, go to sleep at the same time as your partner every night and snore with them at the same pitch and intensity. This way your partner’s
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? snores sound like your snores and you won’t wake up due to snoring. 59. If your partners snores through their mouth, take a flute to their mouth so when they blow out a snore it makes music with is soothing and pleasant and easy to sleep through or go back to sleep with 60. Take meditation classes from a Tibetan monk and learn how to release and let go of all tension so that nothing disturbs you so it doesn’t matter what is happening around you, you will always be peace and calm and therefore can get sleep anywhere61. Take Buddhism classes and let go of your attachment to sleeping – so the snoring is a non-issue.62. Take Buddhism classes and figure out what karma gave you a partner who snores and resolve that karma debt so that you don’t have to sleep with a snorer.63. Pray you fall asleep and get a good night sleep.64. Pray your partner stops snoring so you can sleep.65. Pray doctors find a permanent medical procedure to stop people from snoring.66. Pray a creative person develops a new product that captures 100% of the snore noise so you can sleep and that it is an affordably priced product.67. Take your partner to a shaman to perform a “non-snoring” ritual on your partner to stop them from snoring. 68. Work out (physical activity) at night to the point beyond exhaustion – and that way you fall asleep – and nothing will wake you – you can even fall asleep standing
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 69. Create a new bed for snorers – like a massage table – where you lie on your stomach and your face goes through an opening – so you can breathe freely – but there is no room for you to roll onto your side. 70. Create a new bed for snorers – once they fall asleep, their half of the bed tilts down with their head at the floor and their feet at the ceiling to stop them from snoring – unable to roll onto their back in this position on this bed and snore 71. Create a new bed for snorers – the bed has a trench that is cut into the mattress. The width of the trench only allows the person to sleep on their slide. Your partner slips into the mattress trench when they want to go to sleep. 72. Create a new bed for snorers - it has a machine that monitors the heart rate and breathing rate of your partner and when they move into the “snoring” range, just before they start to snore the monitors trigger a white noise machine to start – so that you don’t notice the snoring noise. 73. Create a new bed for snorers – a machine will monitor your partners heart rate and breathing rate and when they approach the ‘snoring range” the monitor will trigger a sound proof bubble to gentling come down from the ceiling and encapsulate your partner – so you don’t hear their snoring. When they stop snoring the monitor triggers this, and the bubble lifts and goes back to the ceiling. 74. Send your partner away to a sleep rehabilitation centre – so he learns how to modify this snoring behaviour 75. Put a deep sea scuba driver’s helmet on partner’s head before they go to sleep to drown out the noise
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 76. Put a multi-layered circular tube that connects to their mouth on your partner – that way the snoring sound travels round in circles rather than amplifying out to you – so the snoring noise is not so loud and you can sleep 77. Tape a harmonica to your partner’s mouth so when they blow out a snore it becomes a tune/music which is easier on the ears and you can fall asleep to 78. Give up sleeping altogether. 79. Donate your hearing/ears to the organ donor bank and go deaf and that way you won’t hear your partner snore 80. Become so sleep deprived that you stab your partner from a mental break and get put into jail for 5 – 15 years. You will not be able to hear your partner snoring from jail – so you will be able to sleep. 81. Hire a surrogate sleep partner for yourself and for your partner. This way you both get to continue to sleep with someone. Your surrogate does not snore. 82. Get a job as an airplane pilot on intercontinental flights – that way you don’t sleep at home – but in different countries on a regular basis – so you get to sleep. 83. Create a waterfall bed, where the waterfall falls between the two of you. When you want to sleep, you roll over into the part of the bed so that the waterfall comes between the two of you, thus drowning out the snoring noise 84. Create a special room, when your partner starts to snore, the sound causes the bed to separate and move on auto rollers out of the room...you continue sleeping and your partner does to…but moved into a different room.
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 85. Put a clothes pin on your partners nose when they go to sleep to stop the snoring 86. Get your partner to drink sticky honey before they go to sleep this way the back of the throat won’t rattle – it will be stuck with honey so it won’t fibrate so loud and then you will be able to sleep 87. Hire a monkey to throw little jelly beans into your partner’s mouth when they open it – so they will close their mouth to chew the candy and thus not snore. 88. Move your house to an airport runway or flight pattern area – so that the noise of the airplanes taking off drowns out the noise of your partner’s snoring – so the snoring doesn’t bother you. 89. Do a very mundain task lying down and you can’t sleep until it is done, so the snoring is a helpful tool to keep you awake to do this required task – use the snoring as a positive tool and then sleep during the day when your partner is awake. 90. Take your partner to a dentist to get fitted with a mouth piece that positions the jaw open to prevent the ‘snoring noise” 91. Agreed to be a flu vaccine clinical trial patient so that you constantly have blocked ear tubes so that the snoring noise does not bother you 92. Develop an allergy – such as to dust or hay fever –so that you constantly have blocked ear tubes with fluid so that the snoring noise does not bother you 93. Take up swimming and don’t wear ear plugs. This way when you get water in your ears – don’t’ shake it out – keep it in, so that you don’t hear as well and then the snoring won’t bother you
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 94. Change careers and become an airline flight attendant and when you fly do not adjust your ear pressure when you land this way it will be hard to hear and you will not be bothered by snoring. 95. Move your house half way up a mountain and every night before you go to sleep run up and down the mountain until your ear pressure is out of whack then run into bed and go to sleep – the snoring won’t bother you as you can’t hear well 96. Take medication that minimized the amount of sleep you need to function (e.g. some people can function on 4 hours sleep a night where other people need 9 hours sleep to feel well) so that your snoring partner does not have such a big impact on you. 97. Hire someone to watch your partner when you go to bed and have them roll your partner onto their side if they start to roll over into the snore position, this way they don’t snore. This person would be called a “snore sitter”. No snoring – you sleep. 98. Hire 4 people to carry your partner out of the room when they start to snore, so you can sleep in that room. And in the morning before your partner wakes up…they carry your partner back into bed – so your partner doesn’t know that anything happened if they sleep through the night. You get a good night sleep. And 4 unemployed people have a job. 99. Get a physicist to create a black hole in your bedroom, and when your partner starts to snore push them out of bed into the black hole. Pull them out of the black hole when you get enough sleep. You don’t hear anything in a black hole, so you can’t hear the snoring.
How might you get sleep when you sleep with a snorer who keeps you awake? 100. Get a physicist to create a black hole in your bedroom and when your partner starts to snore – you jump into the black hole with a rope tied around your waist. When you get enough sleep – you pull yourself out of the black hole using your rope.