Managing Conflict With Confidence

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  • Word association game. What words come to mind when you see this? (expect fear, bad, fight, death, problem, etc.). Suggestions: growth, development, necessary, learning, change, evolution,
  • Word association game. What words come to mind when you see this? (expect fear, bad, fight, death, problem, etc.). Suggestions: growth, development, necessary, learning, change, evolution,
  • Managing Conflict With Confidence

    1. 1. Managing Conflict With Confidence: 7 Tips for Conflict Resolution 7 Tips for Conflict Resolution Jamie Notter http://twitter.com/jamienotter Texas Society of Association Executives #newideas10 September 21, 2010
    2. 2. Welcome! Managing conflict... Handouts Giveaway!
    3. 3. CONFLICT
    4. 4. Theory: CONFLICT IS GOOD Practice: AVOID CONFLICT LIKE THE PLAGUE
    5. 5. How do you feel about conflict? about conflict? HATE DISLIKE OKAY LOVE Avoid Avoid Resolution
    6. 6. Self-Perpetuating Cycle Conflict exists We avoid either the conflict or its resolution Conflict gets worse! We avoid more
    7. 7. BREAK THE CYCLE: 7 Tips for Managing Conflict 7 Tips for Managing Conflict <ul><li>3 Attitude Tips </li></ul><ul><li>3 Behavior Tips </li></ul><ul><li>1 Challenge </li></ul>
    8. 8. Tip #1: (attitude) (attitude) <ul><li>Know yourself. </li></ul>
    9. 9. Tip #1: Know yourself Know yourself <ul><li>I S T J </li></ul><ul><li>E N F P </li></ul>
    10. 10. <ul><li>TJ </li></ul><ul><li>TP </li></ul><ul><li>FJ </li></ul><ul><li>FP </li></ul>Tip #1:Know yourself
    11. 11. Tip #2: (attitude) (attitude) <ul><li>Humans are emotional. </li></ul><ul><li>Get over it. </li></ul>
    12. 12. Tip #2: Accept Emotions Accept Emotions
    13. 13. Tip #2:Accept Emotions
    14. 14. Tip #3: (attitude) (attitude) <ul><li>Move toward the conflict. </li></ul>
    15. 15. Tip #3: Move toward conflict Move toward conflict
    16. 16. Tip #4: (behavior) (behavior) <ul><li>Put learning first </li></ul><ul><li>(ask questions). </li></ul>
    17. 17. Tip #4: Put learning first Put learning first converge diverge
    18. 18. Tip #5: (behavior) (behavior) <ul><li>Value stories over “truth” </li></ul><ul><li>(ladder of inference). </li></ul>
    19. 19. Ladder of Inference I take ACTIONS based on my beliefs I adopt BELIEFS about the world I draw CONCLUSIONS I make ASSUMPTIONS based on the meanings I added I add MEANING (cultural and personal) I SELECT data from what I observe Observable DATA and experiences Source: Peter Senge, et al., The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, p. 243
    20. 20. Tip #6: (behavior) (behavior) <ul><li>Feedback over judgment and </li></ul><ul><li>requests over demands </li></ul>
    21. 21. The Secret to Effective Feedback: Behavior Impact Judgment
    22. 22. Behavior-Impact Feedback Model <ul><li>WHEN YOU [do something...] </li></ul><ul><li>I [react this way...] </li></ul><ul><li>BECAUSE [of these reasons...] </li></ul><ul><li>SO I HAVE A REQUEST... </li></ul>Behavior Impact
    23. 23. Giving Feedback <ul><li>Exercise: Micromanager or Public Shame </li></ul><ul><li>Read the scenario. </li></ul><ul><li>Discuss with your table. </li></ul><ul><li>Come up with feedback, using the Model (you can use the four questions as a guide) </li></ul><ul><li>One person prepare to report your answer. </li></ul>
    24. 24. Tip #7: (challenge) (challenge) <ul><li>Change you, not them. </li></ul>
    25. 25. Questions? Jamie Notter http://www.getmejamienotter.com http://twitter.com/jamienotter

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