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Managing Conflict With ConfidencePresentation Transcript
Managing Conflict With Confidence: 7 Tips for Conflict Resolution 7 Tips for Conflict Resolution Jamie Notter http://twitter.com/jamienotter Texas Society of Association Executives #newideas10 September 21, 2010
Theory: CONFLICT IS GOOD Practice: AVOID CONFLICT LIKE THE PLAGUE
How do you feel about conflict? about conflict? HATE DISLIKE OKAY LOVE Avoid Avoid Resolution
Self-Perpetuating Cycle Conflict exists We avoid either the conflict or its resolution Conflict gets worse! We avoid more
BREAK THE CYCLE: 7 Tips for Managing Conflict 7 Tips for Managing Conflict
3 Attitude Tips
3 Behavior Tips
Tip #1: (attitude) (attitude)
Tip #1: Know yourself Know yourself
I S T J
E N F P
Tip #1:Know yourself
Tip #2: (attitude) (attitude)
Humans are emotional.
Get over it.
Tip #2: Accept Emotions Accept Emotions
Tip #2:Accept Emotions
Tip #3: (attitude) (attitude)
Move toward the conflict.
Tip #3: Move toward conflict Move toward conflict
Tip #4: (behavior) (behavior)
Put learning first
Tip #4: Put learning first Put learning first converge diverge
Tip #5: (behavior) (behavior)
Value stories over “truth”
(ladder of inference).
Ladder of Inference I take ACTIONS based on my beliefs I adopt BELIEFS about the world I draw CONCLUSIONS I make ASSUMPTIONS based on the meanings I added I add MEANING (cultural and personal) I SELECT data from what I observe Observable DATA and experiences Source: Peter Senge, et al., The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, p. 243
Tip #6: (behavior) (behavior)
Feedback over judgment and
requests over demands
The Secret to Effective Feedback: Behavior Impact Judgment
Behavior-Impact Feedback Model
WHEN YOU [do something...]
I [react this way...]
BECAUSE [of these reasons...]
SO I HAVE A REQUEST...
Exercise: Micromanager or Public Shame
Read the scenario.
Discuss with your table.
Come up with feedback, using the Model (you can use the four questions as a guide)