Happiness is no accident


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We all want a good life. Yet, how do we assure a raise of the quality level of our life? "Happiness is a reflexive verb that requires conjugation" It is, however, never an accident, but the result of specific ways of thinking and acting in this world. The methods reviewed in this volume will allow you to start improving the quality of your life immediately.

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Happiness is no accident

  1. 1. HappinessHappiness IsIs NoNo AccidentAccident Compiled by Dean Amory
  2. 2. Title: Happiness Is No Accident Compiled by: Dean Amory Dean_Amory@hotmail.com Cover photo is courtesy of Imagerymajestic - FreeDigitalPhotosNet Publisher: Edgard Adriaens, Belgium eddyadriaens@yahoo.com ISBN: 978-1-291-98712-6 © Copyright 2014 Edgard Adriaens, Belgium, - All Rights Reserved. This book has been compiled based on the contents of nformation found on the internet. A number of the articles in this book are indicated by TM or © or contain a reference to the original author. Whenever you cite such an in a commercial situation, please credit the source or check with the IP -owner. If you are aware of a copyright ownership that I have not identified or credited, please contact me at: eddyadriaens@yahoo.com
  3. 3. HHooww TToo EEnnhhaannccee YYoouurr LLiiffee Public Domain Information Compiled by Dean Amory
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  5. 5. 3 INDEX Love What You Do - A Key Ingredient for Success - Donald J. Trump Discover How To Reach Success, Happiness, Fame & Fortune! - Goldiemaz The Secrets Of Happiness - Jordan Cheng Doing Our Full Potential - Scott H Young Double Your Reading Rate - Scott H Young Twenty Unique Ways to Use the 80/20 Rule Today - Scott H Young The Critical Seven Rules to Understand People - Scott H Young Law of Attraction : Questions, Questions, Questions... - Aldian Prakoso Loving Relationships – Affirmations – Mastering the Art of Life - John Ryder The Three Levels of Thinking - The Power of Purpose - Peter S. Temes The Secret Of Happiness – Noah Weinberg 10 Critical Success Clues for Success – Lesley Fieger 10 Winning Traits for Success – Richard Gorham 12 Elements for Success – Lesley Fieger How To Make Your Wildest Dreams A Reality – Craig Lock Ignite Your Success - Paul Frazer Seven Character Traits of Successful People – Chris Widener Seven Ideas for Success – Uravi Kumar 7 Things You Can Do To Reach The Success You Truly Desire – BZ Riger Hull Being a Winner - Ten Tips for Success – Petra Rankin The Amazing Success Secret Anyone Can Start Using Today – Peter Murphy How To Begin Your Journey To Success – Dave Origano Effective Strategies for Stopping Procrastination – Garret Coan The Power of Mind Imagery - Joel S. Nelson What You Need To Do To Be Successful – Graham and Julie The Three-Step Formula To Success – Dean Phillips You Become What You Think About - http://www.inspiration4everyone.com How To Remove Obstacles For Personal Growth - Author Unknown How To Become Attractive - Thomas Leonard Motivating Interviewing - Author Unknown How To Live A Happy And Rewarding Life - Author Unknown The Five Rules Of Happiness - Burt Goldman Top Seven Strategies To Become The Best At What You Do - Lee Karjuki; Dean Amory
  6. 6. 4 Sixty Small Ways To Improve Your Life In The Next 100 Days - Marelisa Fabrega Quotes - Various Authors What It Takes To Enhance Your Life - Dean Amory Fifteen Ways To Enhance your Life Immediately - Dean Amory Journey to Happiness - Organisational aid - Dean Amory HOW TO USE THIS BOOK This is not a reading book that you can read in one evening. It's a kaleidoscope of opinions on how you can enhance your life. Hence, the best way to read this book is to read one chapter at the time and then bring into practice what you read before proceeding to the next chapter. The texts in this book are public domain publications. However, before citing an article in a commercial publication, it is advised to always check with the author. BBOONN VVOOYYAAGGEE
  7. 7. 5 LOVE WHAT YOU DO - A KEY INGREDIENT FOR SUCCESS by Donald J. Trump, Chairman, Trump University There is an ingredient for success that is often overlooked, maybe because it sounds out of place in business lingo. But I know for a fact that it is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long lasting success, and I know this from experience. That ingredient is passion. Enthusiasm on a big scale equals passion. If you don’t have passion, everything you do will fizzle out, or be mediocre, at best. You have to love what you’re doing in order to make it in a big time way. People with passion never give up, because they’ll never have a reason to give up, no matter what their circumstances might be. It’s an intangible momentum that can make you indomitable. Another way to see this clearly is to realize that passion conquers fear. This is an important fact when considering achievement of any sort. Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Every great and commanding movement in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it.” I agree. Think about that statement and keep it close to you. Next, assess your interests. What do you love doing? What is your imagination presenting to you? Can you develop any of these interests into a viable source of income? Can you come up with a personal blueprint? Do you have a foundation in place, or in the works, for this blueprint? Ask yourself these questions, cover your bases, and then move forward. Without momentum, you will simply be daydreaming. Very often the dividing line between success and failure is a lack of passion. I’ve known people who have had fantastic ideas who can’t seem to get them off the ground because they approach everything passively. They think the idea will somehow get off the ground by itself, or that just coming up with the idea is enough. Let me tell you something—it’s not enough. It will never be enough. You have to put the idea into action. And if you don’t have the motivation or enthusiasm to do it yourself, it’s likely your great idea will sit on top of your desk or inside your head for a long time to come. The pursuit of happiness is a proactive endeavour. People need to cultivate interests and explore their own skills and talents to really find out what they love. But it doesn’t end there. People interested in happiness—and who isn’t?—must also discover or create outlets to enhance and sustain their passions. Happiness, as a function of loving what you do, is a complex phenomenon that encompasses temperament, talents, and deep-rooted personality traits. There’s a lot to sort out, but it’s more than worth the effort because you can’t fix problems you don’t understand. A good self-evaluation, undertaken through a formal assessment that’s based on validated, statistical sampling, can go a long way toward helping one learn just what it is that makes him/her happy, and finding a suitable career. Passion is a catalyst. Use it to your advantage and you can start achieving tremendous things. Whatever you do, don’t overlook or underestimate this important ingredient for success. It can take you to some amazing places! Hope to see you there.
  8. 8. 6 DISCOVER HOW TO REACH SUCCESS, HAPPINESS, FAME & FORTUNE by goldiemaz http://www.squidoo.com/roomatthetop The secrets to getting ahead in life and being successful are so simple that we often overlook them. Replacing a few bad habits with a few good ones can make a big difference. Try the following tips to get ahead in life Choose Good Companions Two are better than one, and you will find it both protection and incentive if you can secure a faithful friend; and in some respects better than two are the many; therefore you cannot do more wisely than seek out a wider companionship. Whilst instructed by the information of some, and strengthened by the firmer faith or larger experience of others, there are important themes on which you will learn to think with precision. Stop Procrastinating Mrs. Whitney says, in one of her books, that "the things which are crowded out of a life are the test of that life," and I believe that the saying is true in its widest sense. Examine our lives closely, and we shall find that we constantly delude ourselves with the idea that we would accomplish certain things if we had time, when, in truth, we have no real desire for those things. One person will say that reading is out of the question; another will bewail the impossibility of maintaining social relations; a third will avow that charitable or benevolent enterprises would delight her if she might engage in them and all the time these good people are comforting themselves with a fallacy. The things for which they do find time are the things they prefer. The things which are crowded out are the things they would not choose if life lay unemployed before them. Scores of wives and mothers are busied constantly with their family cares, but not one in every score loves music enough to steal time for practice. Hundreds of young men are forced by stress of circumstances to work hard for daily subsistence, but only one in a thousand, perhaps, conquers the difficulty of his position, and makes a name for himself. This one might not have found his way easier or its upward steps less tiresome, but he wanted to succeed, and so wanting, let nothing needful be crowded out. Keep Your Temper You will accomplish nothing by losing it. Many date their failure in business to some hasty and ill- considered statement made during a fit of temper. When things go awry, business is dull, and the prospect is dark ahead, it is very poor consolation to indulge in passionate and angry remarks to those around you. The frown on a person's face is a good indication of the state of the feelings within. The world judges us by our outward conduct and behaviour, and ill-nature and anger. Keep your temper.
  9. 9. 7 Energy and Courage Energy enables a man to force his way through irksome drudgery and dry details, and carries him onward and upward in every station in life. It accomplishes more than genius. Energy of will may be defined to be the very central power of character in a man - in a word, it is the Man himself. True hope is based on it - and it is hope that gives the real perfume to life. No blessing is equal to the possession of a stout heart Charles IX, of Sweden, was a firm believer in the power of will, even in a youth. Laying his hand on the head of his youngest son, when engaged upon a difficult task, he exclaimed. "He shall do it! he shall do it!" Nothing that is of real word can be achieved without courageous working. The timid and hesitating find everything impossible, chiefly because it seems so. The Scriptural injunction, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might", must be realized if you wish to succeed. It is pluck, tenacity, and determined perseverance which wins soldiers' battles, and, indeed, every battle. It is the one neck nearer that wins the race and shows the blood; it is the one march more that wins the campaign; the five minutes' more persistent courage that wins the fight. Though your force be less than another's, you equal and out-master your opponent if you continue it longer and concentrate it more. The reply of the Spartan father, who said to his son, when complaining that his sword was too short, "Add a step to it," is applicable to everything in life. The Strength Of Silence There is a mighty power in silence, and silence is frequently an evidence of power. There are many people so weak that they can not hold their tongues, or keep their mouths shut. One who offends not in word is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body. He who can control his tongue, can control his entire nature. Hence silence is a token of power, of reserved force. He who knows how to keep silence knows how to speak; and often his silence is more impressive than his speech. "Brilliant flashes of silence" is by no means a senseless expression. How often have we seen the babble of the foolish hushed by the silent glance of an earnest soul; how often the ribald jest or scurrilous word has died upon the lips when an indignant silence was the only reply it could evoke. That man or that woman who can stand silent amid reproaches and accusations and sneers and scons, shows a degree of strength and power which falls not to the lot of every one. The silent accomplish more than the noisy. The tail of the rattlesnake makes all the noise, but the head does all the execution. Idleness Not Happiness The most common error is that of looking for happiness somewhere outside of useful work. It has never yet been found when thus sought, and never will be while the world stands; and the sooner this truth is learned the better for everyone. If you doubt the proposition, glance around among your friends and acquaintances, and select those who appear to have the most enjoyment in life. Are they the idlers and pleasure-seekers, or the earnest workers? We know what your answer will be. Of all the miserable human beings it has been our fortune or misfortune to know, they were the most wretched who had retired from useful employment to enjoy themselves; while the slave at his enforced labour, or the hungry toiler for bread, were supremely happy in comparison.
  10. 10. 8 THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS By Jordan - http://jordancheng.net/the-secrets-of-happiness/ There are paradoxes surrounding wealth and happiness, which drive everyone to its pursuit. The reality is, there are sufficient evidences to show a significant disconnect between wealth and well- being. Based on the research findings, you will know that happiness can be elusive and yet attainable. The following are suggestions on how you can increase your happiness: Realize That Wealth Does Not Create Permanent Happiness. People adapt to changing circumstances—even to wealth or a disability. Thus wealth is like health: Its utter absence breeds misery, but having it (or any circumstance we long for) doesn’t guarantee happiness. “The mind of every man, in a longer or shorter time, returns to its natural and usual state of tranquillity. In prosperity, after a certain time, it falls back to that state; in adversity, after a certain time, it rises up to it.” (Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments, 1759) Be Your Own Time Master. Happy people are master of time management, and hence often feel in control of their lives. It helps to set goals and break them into daily aims. Although we often overestimate how much we will accomplish in any given day (leaving us frustrated), we generally underestimate how much we can accomplish in a year, given just a little progress every day. Be Happy, Even Deliberately. We can deliberately put ourselves into a frame of mind by starting it with physical action. When you feel moody, look at the mirror and put on a bright smile to yourself. It ignites the energy of joyful emotion, which makes you feel better and trigger subsequent positive moods. When you meet people outside, your energy can be felt by people and brings forth mutually contagious effect. So put on a happy face. Talk like someone with high self-esteem, optimistic, and outgoing. Once you go through the motions, it can trigger the emotions. As Mary Kay said: “Fake it until you make it” Align Work with Passion. As mentioned in my previous post Experiencing Flow State, happy people often are in a psychological state called “in the zone” or “in the flow” – when one is completely absorbed in a task that challenges them yet without overwhelming them. Most of the expensive forms of leisure (such as sitting on a yacht) provide less flow experience than gardening, playing musical instruments, painting, keeping fish, socializing, or craft work. Be Physically Active. It has become a known fact the exercise not only promotes health and energy, it is also an antidote for mild depression and anxiety. Go for gym, jogging, swimming, yoga, aerobics, Pilates, and anything that works your body and gets you perspiring. Sound minds reside in sound bodies. Read
  11. 11. 9 my post “Why Do I Wake Up At 6 am Every Morning” on my experiences benefiting from daily morning run. Have Enough Rest. Happy people live active vigorous lives yet reserve time for renewing sleep and solitude. Many people suffer from sleep deficiency, with resulting fatigue, diminished alertness, and gloomy moods. If insomnia is the cause, try to restore balance in life, exercise regularly, have proper diet, get a massage, practice yoga and meditation. Give Priority to Close Relationships. Intimate friendships with those who care deeply about you can help you weather difficult times. Confiding is good for soul and body. Resolve to nurture your closest relationships: to not take those closest to you for granted, to display to them the sort of kindness that you display to others, to affirm them, to play together and share together. Focus Beyond Self. Reach out to those in need. Happiness increases helpfulness (those who feel good do good). As true as the saying “what goes around comes around”, doing good also makes one feel good. Being opened to the needs of surrounding people also help you avoid dwelling in your own misery. Be Grateful. People who keep a gratitude journal—who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, senses, natural surroundings, and so on.) experience heightened well-being. “I cried because I had no shoes,” states a Persian saying, “until I met a man who had no feet.” Learn Not To Compare. Most of the misery of people comes from comparing with others who are better or have more. This is the definite source of discontent and a perpetual sense of lack. It may continue to drive you to achieve more, but for the wrong reasons. It is like the rat on the treadmill, constantly chasing its tail until exhaustion. It puts a person on over-drive without any sense of fulfilment. If there is any happiness from achieving, it is often fleeting. When you stop comparing with others, you get started on the path of freedom. “Our poverty became a reality. Not because of our having less, but by our neighbours having more.” (Will Campbell, Brother to a Dragonfly, 1977) Nurture Your Spiritual Self. For many people, faith provides a support community, a reason to focus beyond self, and a sense of purpose and hope. Study after study finds that actively religious people are happier and that they cope better with crises. May you live a life of pure and permanent happiness!
  12. 12. 10 DOING OUR FULL POTENTIAL by Scott H Young http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2006/03/24/living-up-to-our-full-potential/ An idea I am constantly referred to is that of “living up to our full potential.” I don’t agree with this concept. It might seem odd that someone who runs a personal development blog would disagree with the concept of living up to our full potential, an idea that is often used as the fundamental of personal development, so let me explain. I personally believe that the idea of “living up to our full potential” illustrates a flaw in our thinking about how we define “success”. Our full potential seems to imply that there is an arbitrary point of maximum achievement for each of us in this life time. I think this type of thinking can be inspiring, but also limit us in a way. Thinking about “living up to our full potential” can often inspire or push us to make improvements. In this sense, having a full potential to live up to is a good concept in order to get us to make the improvements we need to make to live a great life. However, I believe that the concept of “full potential” makes some inaccurate assumptions about success. In order to see what these inaccurate assumptions are, we need to define success. So what is success? I personally would consider success to be the measure of happiness, fulfilment and impact we have with our lives. Success is the sense that we are fulfilled with our contribution to the world and are doing our best. Think about it. Everything we do in life is pretty much to directly or indirectly influence these factors. We want to be happy and fulfilled in our life and our life’s purpose. Once we have that we want to increase the positive impact we can have on the world. That is how I would define success. So where does happiness and fulfilment come from? Happiness and fulfilment come from growth. When we feel we are growing, improving and experiencing life to the best of our abilities is when we are the most fulfilled and contented. Therefore I would say that the measure of success we have in life is the level of growth we are currently experiencing. So why does this conflict with the concept of “living up to our full potential”? I believe this conflict arises because this implies that the true measure of success is in achieving a certain point or position in the continuum of personal development. But based on our definition of success, the position is not really what creates success. Success instead is based on the rate of growth or velocity. So instead of our past concept of “living up to our full potential.” I would say it more accurately as “doing our full potential.” This may seem like semantics but the difference is crucial. Living up to our true potential, that is the arbitrary point of maximum achievement in our lives is daunting and rarely inspiring. How can one possibly live up to their “full” potential without the
  13. 13. 11 benefit of hindsight? Even if we are doing our best, we might make mistakes or incorrect decisions. This true potential implies that success, happiness and fulfilment, are linked to achieving our “full potential”. Seeing as this full potential is always just out of reach, extending this line of thinking says that we will not be happy or fulfilled unless we reach it. This is why I think this statement actually demotivates a lot of people. Doing our full potential implies that we are going to do our best to grow and improve ourselves. This statement puts the pressure on the present, not the impossibly huge context of our whole lives. In this sense, as long as we are doing the best we possibly can, we are successful. We can always do our best, regardless of a specific outcome. By focusing on doing our full potential we can experience maximum growth and improvement in our lives. From this improvement and growth we can achieve happiness and fulfilment. Knowing we are doing the best we can is enough to satisfy. From this context I would say that a recovering alcoholic doing his best to improve his life is more successful than someone who has settled into an average life. Our full potential in the course of our lives is often at the mercy of different factors we cannot control. If we were to suddenly die tomorrow, I wouldn’t say that where we our right now was our full potential. Furthermore, this full potential gets us to strive towards a point, rather than focusing on the growth and direction itself. This concept of success as being an arbitrary point is prevalent in the way we set goals. I often hear about people who say that they weren’t any happier after achieving their goals than they were before. These people would often go on to claim that the problem was with goal setting entirely. The fact is, the real problem is that they believed success (happiness and fulfilment) was linked with an arbitrary point, rather than the rate of their own growth. The reason you set goals is to increase your velocity, to increase the rate of your growth, not just to achieve a specific milestone, or position, in that development. It may seem odd that the purpose of goal setting isn’t just to achieve the goal, but rather to get us to push beyond our normal expectations, but it is very true. I believe that many people who like this expression already use it in the way I describe as doing instead of reaching a point. For those people I think you’ve already got the right idea. Focus on how you can do your best right in this moment. As long as you are doing that, you are successful. Life is a journey not a destination. Don’t focus on reaching an arbitrary point, whether that is our “full potential” or even your specific goals. Instead focus on whether you are doing your best to grow, improve and expand. Focus not on living up to your full potential but in doing your full potential in every moment of your life.
  14. 14. 12 You can do anything http://toolstolife.com//?_partner=17&gclid=CPmL7vP495ACFQ5lQgodWz_F1w Success is not a Secret, Success is a Process Don't let anything hold you back Join Free Program to a better life www.ToolsToLife.com Imagine What It Might Be Like If You TRULY Could Experience A Life Of Unlimited Abundance and Happiness You Can Get It By Clicking Here http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/success-blueprint.html Abundance and Happiness.com Providing New Hope Today For Rewarding And Fulfilling Tomorrows PositiveArticles.com http://www.positivearticles.com/Category/General-Self-Help/62/pdate/desc/9 Bringing you positive ideas for self growth and success Miracles are your responsibility! By : John Di Lemme As you read this today, my goal is for you to take responsibility and realize that you have the innate ability to create miracles. So let’s get started! The 7 Most Important Subjects Never Taught In School By : Kevin Michael Kiley Life is actually very simple. The hard part is allowing it to be that way. This article briefly describes the 7 areas of our lives to which we should pay constant attention. Having ideals in these 7 areas and learning to move toward those ideals in a regular and balanced way can provide a powerful sense of meaning and purpose. This article is meant to help people see this more simply and clearly and to prod them in that direction.
  15. 15. 13 DOUBLE YOUR READING RATE by Scott H Young Reading is an incredibly important skill to have. Just about any form of education will involve reading, sometimes almost exclusively. You can often make yourself an expert on an intellectual subject just by reading enough in that area. But despite the incredible importance of reading, most people are wildly inefficient at it. Sure: most people have enough reading skills to move around. But they are far from running. Over a year ago I picked up the book, Breakthrough Rapid Reading by Peter Kump, an expert in the area of speed-reading. From that purchase I took the time and energy to study other ways to improve my reading skill. When I did the initial test, I could read at 450 words per minute. A little above the average of around 300, but nothing spectacular. By using the techniques I’ll describe in this article I was able to increase that rate to around 900 words per minute in average situations, at least doubling of my reading rate. I believe there are six major keys to improving your reading skill. Like all skills, success only comes through practice, so just reading this article won’t be enough. But if you are interested in how you might be able to make dramatic improvements in both speed and comprehension, I’ve found these six points to be the best start. 1) Remember, Reading is Not Linear How do you read a book? Likely from start to finish, never going back and never skipping any sections. This is probably one of the most inefficient ways to read. The beauty of text is that it is non-linear. You can skip down to read only my main bullet points, or read them in practically any order. Although the pattern of start to finish might be a simple one, it isn’t always the most effective. For most books I do read in a roughly start to finish fashion. But I frequently re-read passages that I want to get a greater understanding of and completely skim over passages that I feel are redundant or unnecessary. Good writers generally add anecdotes or metaphors to improve understanding of a concept which you can skim over top of if you already get their point. Similarly, bad writers often go short on explanation of complex details so re-reading can allow your brain the time to form the concepts. Not only is reading non-linear but it doesn’t have a set pace. Although I read some books at about 900 words per minute, I slow down to 200 if the passage I am reading is particularly information dense or complicated. Similarly I can skim at over 1500 words per minute if I’m reading mostly fluff. Saying I can read at 900 wpm is like saying I can drive at 100 km/h. Speed reading isn’t just about faster but pacing yourself for the specific reading task you face. Most people read a book as if it were given to them as a speech. They listen to the author and follow along with what he is saying in a purely sequential manner. In order to reach faster rates of comprehension you have to learn to abandon this tactic. You can start this by not sub vocalizing.
  16. 16. 14 2) Stop Sub vocalizing When you started to read you probably read out loud. Your elementary school teacher wanted you to read the book and say the words aloud. After you mastered this skill, you were told to simply say the words inside your head and read quietly. This is where most reading education and skill levels end. To move to a new level you need to stop sounding the words inside your head or sub vocalizing. Sub vocalizing takes time, more time than is necessary to comprehend the words you are reading. It is almost impossible to go much beyond 400 or 500 words while sub vocalizing. Instead you need to train yourself to read without hearing the words in your head. But for most people this has become such an ingrained reading habit that they don’t realize that sub vocalization is a distinct process to comprehension. If I read at around a thousand words per minute, there is no way I could hear the words in my head while trying to process them. Instead I simply see the word and my brain automatically constructs what has been written. I’ll understand a line of text that I looked over in a second, even though it may have taken at least five just to say the words in my head. Since most people currently can’t separate the sub vocalization from comprehension, they are locked in at a rate of about 400-500 words. Moving beyond that rate requires that you practice reading faster than you can actually read. Edit: I’ve done a follow-up to explain sub vocalization more as I think this post may have confused people a little. Check it out here: Speed Reading Follow-Up 3) Practice Reading Practice reading doesn’t mean reading. Practice reading involves reading faster than you can actually read. Chances are you won’t comprehend much of what you are reading because your brain is so used to going at a slower rate and sub vocalizing. The point is simply to see the text faster than you can read so you can untie the habit of sounding the words as you comprehend them. You can start doing this by taking out a timer or a stop watch and simply viewing as much text in a book as possible in one minute. Use a book you haven’t read before to ensure your brain is actually practicing instead of relying on memory. Mark out where you started and stopped. Count the number of words per line (use a quick average) and then the number of lines you actually read in the book to compute your practice reading rate. Once you get used to practice reading at a high rate that you can’t comprehend, you should slowly be able to actually comprehend at a slightly slower rate but still faster than if you sub vocalized. I would often practice read at between 1500 and 1800 words per minute, and although I lacked comprehension skill, I could maintain it at about 900-1000, over double what I had done when I sub vocalized.
  17. 17. 15 But how can you practice read faster than you can read? How do you follow the text but still go faster than you can read? The answer is another of speed reading tricks, using a pointer. 4) Use a Pointer Your eyes don’t stay fixed in one spot when reading. Eye tracking movements have shown that your eyes actually quiver and move around considerably. And every movement away from your position in text requires a few milliseconds to readjust. These little readjustments in locating your place in a book add up to be very costly if you want to go faster. Use your index finger to mark where you are on the page at all times. It should follow along with the word you are currently reading, slowly scrolling across each line and then back down one. It may feel awkward at first and it may even temporarily slow your reading rate as you adjust, but using a pointer is critical if you want to improve your reading skill. Using a pointer is also crucial if you want to practice read. By moving your finger faster than you can actually read, your eyes get used to viewing text faster than your brain can process what is written down. This will break your sub vocalization attachment and can easily let you double your reading rate with sufficient practice. You should use your finger as a pointer all the time. When I first started with the habit I found it annoying to hold the book in a funny position so I could use my right hand to scroll the page. I thought it was silly and maybe even a waste of time. But now I find it hard to read without a pointer. Noticing how much it has helped me focus my reading efforts it is a priceless tool in reading. 5) Eliminate Distractions As a university student living on campus I’ve noticed a few of my friends who “study” while watching television. Not surprisingly, these tend to be the same people who complain about how much studying they have to do. Reading can’t happen in an environment where external distractions are overwhelming. If you need a break, take a break. Taking a few minutes to watch a television show, listen to some music or just close your eyes can often improve your focus. But don’t multitask with your reading or you’ll lose any benefits speed reading can offer. Worse, because you have stopped sub vocalizing, you might even skim through several pages before you realize you haven’t comprehended anything that was written. Distractions will hamper regular reading but they will make speed reading impossible. Sub vocalization creates enough mental noise that it can hold your attention, but without that it can often be difficult to stick with what you are reading. External distractions may be a problem, but internal distractions are just as bad. They occur when in the midst of reading you start pondering that conversation you just had with a friend, the movie
  18. 18. 16 you want to see or whether you should do your laundry. The way to remove internal distractions comes from clearly identifying a purpose and a motivation. 6) Find Your Motivation If there was one piece of advice I would offer to improve your reading rate it would be simply to engross yourself in the material you are studying. If you can connect what you are reading to a deeply held motivation, and determine your specific purpose for reading you can maintain a very alert and focused state. Most people don’t do this. Instead they force themselves to study the book they know they should and end up having to refocus themselves every thirty seconds when their mind decides that this book is boring and would like to be somewhere else. First, find a general motivation. This is how what you are reading relates to your truly motivating goals and passions in life. When I read my psychology textbook I focus on the fact that many personal development principles come from an understanding of human psychology and that I may discover new ideas if I look carefully. When studying ancient Asian history I focused on the fact that studying a completely different culture could offer insights into how Western and Eastern value systems differed, giving me new thoughts on whether my values are as absolute as I once thought. I also focused on the fact that many great philosophers such as Buddha and Confucius lived during these times with a profound influence on the ideas of these nations. The general motivation should make you want to read the book. If you don’t genuinely want to read the book, come up with more reasons it is attached to your deepest interests or it is going to be a struggle to move through. You can find a general motivation for reading any book if you are creative enough, so don’t tell me you can’t figure out one. The second portion is to determine your specific motivation for reading. What are you specifically looking for when reading the book. New ideas? A practical solution to a problem? An understanding of a concept? A chance to flex your mental muscles? Figure out what you want to get out of each reading session so your mind is primed to intake that knowledge. If you are interested in improving your speed reading, I strongly suggest Breakthrough Rapid Reading by Peter Kump. The book goes from beginner concepts that I’ve detailed to even more advanced ones that I have yet to master (such as reading several lines at once and reading sentences backwards to save time on a pointer backstroke). Speed reading is definitely a worthwhile skill and at the very least your friends will be impressed.
  19. 19. 17 TWENTY UNIQUE WAYS TO USE THE 80/20 RULE I’m sure most people are familiar with Pareto’s principle, developed by an Italian economist and most commonly known as the 80/20 Rule. While Pareto originally used the rule noticing that 80% of the wealth was owned by 20% of the population, the rule has applications in almost every area of life. There are many ways you can use this rule. Here’s twenty: 1. Work Tasks - Write down all the broad categories of tasks you do at your job. You can make a little table that shows the amount of hours spent at each category (say, 1 hr for E-mail, 1 hr for contacting clients, etc.) and on another column write down a value estimate for what percentage you believe it contributes to your productivity. Eliminate, simplify or delegate low %’s and focus on high %’s. 2. Food - Record your eating habits for a week. Calculate up the calories of the different items of food. I’ve done this before and I’ve found it surprising how some treats contribute a high percentage of your calorie pie for no nutritional value, when other vices consumed in smaller portions take up only a sliver but still offer a tasty treat. 3. Daily Time Log - Do a time log on your activities for an entire day. Record the stop and start point for any activity. Then broadly shuffle the different activities into categories. Figure out what parts of your day aren’t contributing to either productivity, entertainment or personal happiness and cut them out. 4. Reading - Look at the last few dozen books you’ve read. Rate them according to the amount of useful info or entertainment value. Look for trends and use that info to skim or skip future books to save time. 5. Relationships - Look at your social circle and friends. Do a rough estimate of the amount of time and energy you invest in each relationship. Compare that to the amount of stress or satisfaction. You might find that certain relationships are toxic and others are valuable and should be invested in more. 6. RSS Feeds - Look through your feed list. Write down the percentage of articles you enjoyed out of the last ten in the feed. Eliminate the lowest %’s. You may want to take into account article length or posting rate, but quality is probably the best measurement of all. 7. E-Mail - Group the types of e-mails you answer into basic categories. Consider developing a template for the most common e-mail responses that contribute the least potential value for answering personally. 8. Magazine Subscriptions - Same as RSS feeds. Go through all your subscriptions and give a percentage scale of what you perceive to be the value of the last several editions. Cancel subscriptions to the bottom and leave the top. 9. Television Shows - Record your television watching habits for a week or two. After watching give a subjective rating of the television show. After your done, total up the amount spent on different shows or channels. If you have a special subscription service, cancel the channels that you don’t watch or have little value. Otherwise, consider eliminating live television entirely and
  20. 20. 18 recording the shows you feel are valuable to watch later. I’ve done this before and it can be a big time saver while still allowing you to enjoy some passive entertainment. 10. Web Surfing - Record your web usage for a day or two. Write down the sites you visited or tools you used to get there (StumbleUpon, Digg, etc.) Figure out sites took up the most time and which had the least value. You’d be surprised how often they are the same thing. 11. Spring Cleaning - Although it’s only a few weeks from summer, you can use this on any organization attempt. Go through your items and trash all the items that you haven’t used recently (except for important documents). Just because you have storage space, doesn’t mean it should be filled with garbage. Eliminate clutter and it becomes far easier to find and use the things you actually need. 12. Clients/Customers - This one comes from Tim Ferriss, in the Four Hour Workweek. Figure out which customers contribute the most complaints and the least revenue. Notify them that things will need to change and set down some guidelines. Then fire the ones that don’t comply. Goes against the doctrine that the customer is always right, but some people just aren’t worth the trouble they cause. 13. Hard Drive - Sort through your computer documents, comparing the last modified date for various major folders. Create a separate folder system where you can move these rarely used files. This will eliminate your computer clutter and make it far easier and faster to find the stuff you actually use. 14. Desktop - Same thing as the hard-drive, but I do it every week or two. Just go through your desktop and delete any short-cuts or move documents that haven’t been used in the last two weeks. You don’t have to completely eliminate everything, but it will make your desktop a more efficient workspace. 15. Applications - Go through all your computer applications. Figure out which ones are distracting and are either rarely used or contribute little value. Uninstall those. If this seems like too much work, a complete computer reformat can get rid of the trash. 16. Home Appliances - Determine which appliances cause the most frustration, stress and break down the most. Once you’ve done this you have three options: learn to use the tool better to understand it and prevent stress, buy a new one or find a substitute that is less damage prone. Save yourself the headache and 80/20 your lawnmower. 17. Budget - Calculate all your discretionary expenses (after taxes, food and necessities). Now compare the money value of each expense with the utility of the purchase. If you wanted to compare different entertainment items in your budget, you could value each expense on the pleasure it brought you. If you wanted to compare different investments or tools you could compare return rates or productivity gained. 18. Blogging - Classify the types of posts you write into different categories. I’ve done this grouping by, post length, subject, format, style, images, etc. Multiply each by the amount of time to write each type of post. Then compare that data to your estimate of traffic gained from each. Use this as a guide for future writing.
  21. 21. 19 19. Habits - Figure out which behaviours (or lack thereof) contribute the most to your life. exercise? Rising Early? Family Dinners? Use this as a basis for making new habits. 20. Goals - It doesn’t matter whether you have them written down or just in your head. Look at all your goals and compare the resources required to accomplish each (time, money, energy, etc.) with the benefits gained. Benefits could be physical rewards, purposeful work or emotional quality. Pursue the goals with the highest value.
  22. 22. 20 7 RULES TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE By: Scott H. Young Clearly a rule can’t define something as complex as human behaviour. But despite this, I’ve found most people tend to make the same mistakes. Remembering these seven rules will help you avoid these mistakes. People Skills is About Being Nice, Friendly and Interesting. Duh! Most of the books I’ve read on dealing with people either make two claims: • Obvious stuff that most people already know: Things like be nice, be considerate, etc. • Bizarre and complex theories that may explain some behaviour, but is difficult to generalize. However, what most people need is information that can be applied generally, but isn’t always obvious and that helps to avoid people conflicts, social errors and emotional upsets. Here are the seven rules I’m talking about: Rule One: Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit. People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves. Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has: In this example, 60% of thoughts are self- directed. My goals. My problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me? How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my friends like me or see me as irritating? Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie thinking. Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.
  23. 23. 21 What does this mean? 1. Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger. 2. People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause. 3. Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you. Rule Two: Few Social Behaviours are Explicit Basically this rule means that most the intentions behind our actions are hidden. If a person is feeling depressed or angry, usually the resulting behaviours distort their true feelings. If I feel you snubbed me, I might hold my tongue but ignore you later. The old joke is that women use words like, “fine,” and, “go ahead,” when they really feel the opposite. But I’ve noticed men do this too in polite situations, although often not in the same way. The application of this rule is that you need to focus on empathy, not just hearing a person. Demonstrate trust, build rapport and learn to probe a bit. By focusing on empathy you can usually break away these subversions and get to the heart of the issue faster. The other application of this rule is that most the time you feel something, nobody else knows about it. So don’t get angry when people aren’t responding to you. If you deceive your thoughts with your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people. Rule Three: Behaviour is Largely Dictated by Selfish Altruism To say everyone is completely selfish is a gross exaggeration. That ignores all the acts of kindness, sacrifice and love that make the world work. But I would argue that most (not all, but most) behaviour does work from the principles of selfish altruism. Selfish altruism is basically win/win. It is where helping you directly or indirectly helps me. There are a couple main categories where this applies: 1. Transactions - If I purchase a car, both myself and the dealer benefit. I get a vehicle, which I want. The dealer gets money to improve his lifestyle. This is the predominant form of selfish altruism between people who don’t have emotional bonds. 2. Familial - Blood is thicker than water. We are designed to protect people who share our genes. This can sometimes shift towards extremely close friends and loved ones. 3. Status - Helping someone is a sign of power. Many species of primates will offer assistance as a sign of dominance. People act similarly, offering aid to boost their self-esteem and reputation. 4. Implied Reciprocity - Many relationships are based on the idea that if I help you, one day you will help me as well. Occasionally behaviour falls outside this group. Nameless heroes dying for causes that don’t help their bloodline. Volunteers devoting their time towards humanitarian missions. But these are the minority, whereas most actions can be explained by some form of selfish altruism.
  24. 24. 22 How do you apply this rule? You understand the motives of people and appeal to them as if they were selfish. Find ways to help people within these four categories. Don’t expect people to offer aid outside of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely. Rule Four: People Have Poor Memories Ever been told someone’s name at a party and then forgot it later? Another rule of human behaviour is that people have trouble remembering things. Especially information (as you’ll recall in rule one) that doesn’t apply to themselves. People are more likely to remember your similarities than your differences (unless they were emotionally incensed by them). Recently I even broke this rule. I made arrangements to talk to a person I hadn’t met before on the phone. Even with my normally foolproof system of calendars and to-do lists, a few spontaneous schedule changes caused me to miss the call. I quickly apologized and made a new arrangement. But the fact is most people don’t have organized GTD systems. People are forgetful by nature, so once again, don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten. The other side of this rule is that you can demonstrate reliability by having a good memory or system (if it doesn’t fail you). Rule Five: Everyone is Emotional Perhaps this is an exaggeration. But the core of the message is that people tend to have stronger feelings about something than they let on. People who regularly have outbursts of anger, depression or flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in most cultures. This especially applies to men (for women trying to figure us out). The application of this rule is to not assume everything is fine just because someone isn’t having a nervous breakdown. We all have our individual problems, angst and upsets that are normally contained. You don’t need to call people out on their private deception, but being sensitive to those underlying currents gives you an advantage in trying to help. The alternate application of this rule is similar to rule two. People generally assume everything is fine unless you just had a blow-up. Rule Six: People are Lonely This is another broad generalization. But it is amazing how many people who seem to have it all, suffer from bouts of loneliness. As social animals, I believe people are especially sensitive to any threats to becoming ostracized. In Neanderthal times, exile meant death, so loneliness and the desire to be with other people is a strong one. The application of this rule is that loneliness is fairly common, so in that sense, you really aren’t alone. I used to be bothered when I felt alone or an outsider in a social group. Although I’m still human, I’ve found recognizing this feeling to be fairly common as a way to minimize it.
  25. 25. 23 Rule Seven: Did I Mention People Are Self-Absorbed? This may sound like a reiteration of rule one, but I believe the applications extend beyond relationships and your emotional state. The fact that people tend to be too concerned about themselves to give you much attention, that people tend to be lonelier, more emotional and feel differently than they let on applies to how you view the world. If anything this perspective should make you more proactive and independent. Once I started really learning these rules, it made far more sense that I needed to take charge. By placing your individual happiness in the hands of another person (or people), you ignore all these rules and do so at your own peril. I like to take an optimistic, but realistic view of people. People who are generally try their best, but make mistakes and suffer from unintended self-absorption. In other words, they are basically like you.
  26. 26. 24 LAW OF ATTRACTION : QUESTIONS ... By: Aldian Prakoso The Secret The Secret is a film that was produced by Prime Time Productions. It is actually a series of films that focus on the idea of “The Law Of Attraction”. The principle is that under the “Law of Attraction” the things that people feel and think attract real things in life. It stems from the cosmos to the personal relationships people form with people. The belief is that these things target physical, emotional, and professional aspects of every person’s life, whether they understand it or not. Ask : Know what you want and ask the universe for it. This is where you need to get clear on what it is you want to create and visualize what you want as being as 'real' as possible. Believe : Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its way. Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to attract. You want to feel the feeling of really 'knowing' that what you desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick yourself into believing it – do it. Receive : Be open to receiving it. Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from the Universe to help you along the way as assurance you are on the 'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and open yourself up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show up. What is it you want in order to have a truly magnificent life? What is it in your daily life that you could do, be, or have that would make a difference in the way you experience life? What would take your life to the next level? What do you need (or want) to experience life to the fullest? We look at ourselves as human beings; but we are also human havings and human doings. What do you want to have in your life to truly make it spectacular: True friends, a new relationship, great health, passion? What do you want to do to make your life fun and exciting: Fly an airplane, run a marathon, volunteer once a week at an animal shelter, write a book? What would you like to be to make a difference in the world or to yourself, or your family and friends: A great son, daughter, husband or wife? Would you like to be abundant, loving, forgiving?
  27. 27. 25 Look at each aspect of your life and identify what you want or desire in the following areas. Relationships: What kind of relationships do you want to create with God, with your parents, children, friends, co-workers, wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, and most importantly, yourself? How do you attract the type of relationships that you want with the people in your life? How would your life change if your relationships were closer, more intimate, less judgmental, more trusting, and more loving? Healthy Body and Lifestyle: What do you want your body to look like? How do you want to feel? What do you want to weigh? Do you want to live a healthy lifestyle? Do you want to live a long life? Do you have exercise goals? Do you want to have healthy eating habits? Finances and Abundance: Do you want to save more money? Do you want to reduce debt? Do you want to increase your income? Do you want to create other sources of income? Do you want to have a new house, car, piano, boat, or other things? Self-Improvement / Awareness: Do you want a better awareness of who you are; why you do the things you do; think, the thoughts, you think about; react in the way you do; judge yourself and others; are highly motivated in some things, but lethargic in others? Do you want to take classes, workshops, seminars? Do you want to finally get the degree, diploma, certificate, or credentials you have been thinking about? Do you want to read more books on subjects for which you have a passion? Hobbies / Entertainment / Fun: What hobbies do you have now that you want to become better at? What hobbies would you like to begin; gardening, chess, painting, reading, collecting (coins, stamps, comic books, cookbooks, etc)? What would you like to do for fun and entertainment: Attend a live performance featuring your favourite bands, fish, or travel? What would you like to learn to do for fun: Ballroom dancing, golf, tennis, play an instrument? What would you like to do just once in your life: Jump out of an airplane, talk in front of a large group? Do you want to travel and experience nature, different cultures and scenery? Passions / Purpose: What are your passions? What is your purpose in life? An easy way to identify this is to look at what you fantasize about or do in your spare time because you want to do it or love to do it. If you have a garden in your back yard and you really enjoy the hard work of maintaining a garden, then that is a passion of yours. If you play tennis, golf or bowl on the weekends, then that is a passion of yours. If you enjoy babysitting your granddaughter, or fixing things around the house, or finding new recipes to cook fun special meals, then that is a passion of yours.
  28. 28. 26 Once we get past the belief that we can have only one passion or only one purpose in life, it is easier to see that we have many passions and the only work we have to do is to make time for them, be present while we arc doing them, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Our purpose in life is to live to our potential, experience love and life to the fullest, become aware of whom we are and be true to our soul. Whatever form that takes in your life is right for you.
  29. 29. 27 109 East 36th St. Suite 4 Between Park and Lex DrJRyder@aol.com http://www.johnryderphd.com/articles.php Starting at the top, where the star points toward the sky. This I refer to as the SPIRITUAL direction which represents the gift of UNITY. This is where the mystical nature of love resides, it is where you will discover whether there is a real bond between the two of you or not. Unity means that something makes both people feel that they rather be together than apart, they both believe that when they are together they are like "one". Unity is used to describe what happens when people bond and experience the world differently; they are no longer just two individuals but, have become a unit, a pair, a couple. Now they look at the world differently and the world sees them differently as well. This is a social archetype, a religious one, and a legal one when two people get married. We become aware of this notion of being a couple from childhood, hopefully growing up in a "family" ourselves. The concepts of love, family, marriage, romance, happiness exist throughout every aspect of our society, in every culture, across every nation and around the world. The images that these words create are similar regardless where one looks. So why is it so hard to find and build a successful partnership of love and happiness? There are many reasons that make it truly difficult but, no one can claim that it is impossible.
  30. 30. 28 Anyone can find UNITY, love and happiness. It would help if you would have a map of how to get there. The STAR holds all the keys you need to find your way. The reason UNITY is at the top is that it is the "lifting" energy for a relationship. It may be true that what attracts two people together is often their physical appearance, some sort of instinctual drive gets engaged but, soon after getting "close" both individuals look at each other and begin to ask more serious questions: "Could I live the rest of my life with that person, do I really love them?" and that starts the mystical inquiry about becoming bonded to the other person. That is when UNITY becomes so important. The best thing two people can find is 'love at first sight' when both feel the excitement of attraction equally. One arm of the STAR refers to NURTURANCE. The meaning of this term is found in how each person takes care of the other with respect to their physical needs, emotional ones as well as the material and spiritual needs. Love awakens this urge for you to either be "maternal" or "paternal" as the case may toward your partner. The key word here is nurturing, sharing responsibilities and helping each other achieve more in life. True love creates a desire in both individuals to support each other through all walks of life. This does not necessarily have to be along traditional lines rather, it often requires that both people seek unique and special ways to make their partner happy, healthy, safe and prosperous. More than anything else if we become aware of our mate's potentials then it is up to us to help them strive for and reach those potentials. Nurturance refers to the direction we push and pull our love in. Everyone needs a push or a pull sometime, especially if it is from your partner. The next arm refers to the aspect of SHARING in the joys and pains of life from the level of the mind, body and spirit. This reflects both individual's ability and desire to look at the world through each others eyes, especially in terms of the past, present and future. The key word is shared vision. This is what makes each partner feel special and valuable to the other. It is one's interest in their opinion, their experience of life that helps you feel whole and satisfied. This aspect is expressed through our curiosity about how our partner sees, hears or feels something. It is not necessary that we share similar views but that both partners have a genuine interest in the other's experience. However, it is important that we share similar dreams and goals for the future. In this manner both partners participate in the construction of the world they live in and this allows for celebration of life and that makes the difficult moments pass by more easily. Then one leg of the star refers to COMPATIBILITY this aspect reveals how many ways two people fit together, first of all in body - how great is their sexual chemistry, then socially, intellectually, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. When two people have really great energy together, they rarely get bored or tired of each other, there is a constant stream of excitement between them. Compatibility refers to this sense of how well two people mix together, especially in making love, that is where we hopefully experience the exhilaration of that instinctual passion for life. Chemistry is physically manifested in love making, this is where the connection can be most concrete. There are many important factors. In general, the appetite and passion are either in synch or not. The questions are "how much sex" does each of you want - need, on a monthly basis; and secondly, does the passion match both partners. If there are big differences in these two aspects, then don't fool yourself thinking that you have great chemistry, it may not really be.
  31. 31. 29 The other leg of the star refers to FULFILLMENT which represents the things we do for love's sake that promote a sense achievement within the relationship. In our everyday life we try to master the situation, we want to dominate to overcome but in a relationship it is more often a matter to make the other person happy to please them. The key word here is SURRENDER to your partner with the expectation that it will express your sense of love for them. It is not a matter of compromise, which has its place in the other aspects of the love star, here surrender refers to the complete giving in to the other's needs or desires for the sake of love. When one surrenders it is not always easy but it should be with joy, to fulfil the other partner's deepest needs. This aspect also represents each partner's confidence to rely on one another, to be comfortable depending on each other. With this aspect the relationship is assured the survival through all sorts of difficulties. All together, this represents the love star, and when each of these directions is satisfied among two people then they obviously share a tremendous partnership. If both agree that they fit together, that each aspect is present and fulfilled then they have the necessary ingredients to make their love work and enjoy a lasting relationship. These are rare. Even if one believes that they share every thing with their partner, this means that they have the potential to succeed. A great relationship requires a lot of work and time, something people these days are not always eager to invest enough of. Once these basic qualities are fulfilled then begins a life of passion, joy, adventure, excitement, tranquillity, love and family. Good luck! Counselling can help both partners better appreciate what you can be grateful for and be aware of what is missing. That information is vital to decide what to do, if possible, improve the relationship or if not, work to dissolve it amicably. I have helped many couples resolve their conflicts and find greater happiness. I have also given my support to the couples who determined that they cannot go on and must change their relationship. These are the most sensitive issues and difficult things we must deal with. I have the experience to help you better understand and deal with your relationship. Call my office to discuss your situation to see if you would like to have me help you work on it.
  32. 32. 30 Affirmations I am grateful for discovering the best means to reach my dreams and goals. I realize that I am ready to enjoy life to the fullest and find peace of mind. When I focus my attention on positive possibilities I achieve the best solutions. I am glad to be finding ways to improve my physical and emotional well being. I am grateful that I was born with many gifts and talents for me to share. Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities. Every day I celebrate my growing confidence and determination to succeed! When I do worthy things I earn the respect of others and feel good. By utilizing my rational mind together with my intuition I make greater progress. As I express my gratitude, I can envision the goals I am achieving. Moving forward and upward everyday symbolizes the joy of my destiny. I take advantage of every opportunity to realize my true potentials. I am grateful to be inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life. It is great to feel the energy with a clear vision to see the path to my goals. My motivation and determination constantly push me to reach my goals. I am glad my mind has the ability to focus and concentrate on my purpose. It is amazing how powerful my mind is when I work deliberately on my future. I am confident that my life is automatically attracted to what is good for me. Everything I decide to do has an important reason and purpose. I value my time very highly and use every minute effectively. Love is the source of my strength and happiness. Whenever I smile my face lights up with positive energy! My questions always direct me to achieve the most in the long run. Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities. Everyday I take the time to exercise, rest, eat right and cleanse myself. I am glad to attract the most interesting, powerful and caring people into my life! I accept my challenges as great lessons to motivate me to reach my goals. I appreciate the outstanding qualities I was born with. I recognize that I am a unique and very special person! Today I observe my progress in fulfilling my plans and dreams! I am grateful to have been inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.
  33. 33. 31 Mastering the Art of Life and the Science of Success! I believe everyone is born with unique talents, gifts, a large variety of personal resources and a smaller number of limitations. Every person has dreams and expectations some of which come true, others never do. How fast and how far you progress in realizing all your potentials depends directly on what you do and how you do it. I have found that it is just as important to have what it takes to succeed as it is to have what it takes to cope with those temporary setbacks we all must endure. Most people are better at one of these than the other. Those who learn to master both these skills (achievement and adaptation) discover that life becomes easier to conquer and cope with. Throughout life, this becomes your quest for fulfilment and the art of living. We already know the proven steps others have used to succeed at the game of life. Whether you must overcome illnesses, bad habits, various personal obstacles or if you want to achieve greater happiness, wealth, creativity, wisdom and harmony in life, there are many things you can do to succeed. Increasing your awareness and understanding of yourself and life prepares you for the most amazing journey. Those individuals who recognize life as an opportunity to learn and experience the fantastic wonders of the world engage in this quest with passion. They discover the power of their mind to escape the primitive instinctual nature that dominates most people with fear or anger and allows them to transform these lower impulses into creative expression of their higher, spiritual nature. Anyone can experience fulfilment and happiness, it is not reserved for just some people, its for everyone. In the larger perspective, I see psychology as both the science and art of working with the mind, body, and spirit of the individual. I do my best to help each individual develop the skills and obtain the knowledge to adapt or achieve. Once you know the science of success, the specific steps you must take to reach your goals, then you must also develop the art of life, relying on your inner wisdom or intuition to help you adapt to life most effectively. These two skills together assure you the greatest fulfilment. Few problems ever go away by themselves although many people are willing to wait a long time thinking they might. I like to suggest that seeking professional help on a problem is intelligent, will get rid of it sooner, and let you get on with life. I enjoy working with people from every walk of life, from the very affluent and powerful to young students struggling. I have clients from nearly every corner of our world and found that the same problems cause stress to us all. Consequently, I have developed my own eclectic approach to teach you how to remove obstacles and promote positive growth. Some people may want to explore their lives and various issues or relationships in greater depth. This can be a very rewarding process. Certain people who wish to journey farther in the psychic sphere may choose to explore past lives or learn how to meditate and reach higher states of consciousness. I know of no limits on the insight and rewards that an individual can attain in the pursuit of knowledge.
  34. 34. 32 THE THREE LEVELS OF THINKING THE POWER OF PURPOSE http://www.enotalone.com/article/5958.html by Peter S. Temes, PhD The Power of Purpose begins with a simple but remarkable statement: "The more you focus on helping others, the more you will succeed in reaching your own goals." Peter S. Temes builds on this fundamental insight to share a simple plan for living with the truest and most enduring kind of happiness. At the heart of The Power of Purpose are the "three levels of thinking." At the first level, we ask, Who am I? and What do I want? At the second level, we ask, Who do other people think I am? How do I look to them? But the real magic happens when we hit the third level, forgetting about ourselves and asking the questions that lend a powerful sense of purpose to our lives: How do others look to themselves? How can I help others become the people they want to be? To help us along the way, Temes, who teaches humanities at Columbia University, draws on the wisdom of great thinkers including Aristotle, Søren Kierkegaard, and Abraham Lincoln; the life lessons of great achievers ranging from Mother Teresa to Michael Jordan; and home truths he's gathered from his parents, his grandparents, and his three children. From all these sources and from his own life of great personal accomplishment, Temes identifies the essential knowledge that brings people happiness and success. He cites Aristotle's notion that happiness is not a psychological state but a moral one, resulting from doing good in the world. Temes also believes in the pivotal importance of trust and team-building in every area of life, from the family to the workplace to the street corner. The Power of Purpose is a map for finding the confidence and power, the opportunities and occasions, and — most important — the techniques and strategies for centring your relationships and work on helping others. It is a book with a point of view: the clearest path to your own success and happiness lies in helping others get to where they want to go. Make the leap from asking, "who am I, and what do I want?" to asking that most powerful question of all — "how do others see themselves, and how can I help them feel stronger and more successful?" Games are played in all kinds of places — sports stadiums, backyards, offices, classrooms, kitchens, and dining rooms. But games are won in only one place — in the mind of the winning player. That's why Michael Jordan was consistently better than the tallest player in the National Basketball Association every year he played — having better physical tools to work with was not enough to beat a player like Jordan, thinking at a higher level. That's why some salespeople consistently sell more — of the same stuff to the same people — than the rest of their colleagues. That's why David slew Goliath, and that's why your personal path for your success begins right between your ears. Here's the fact: how we think is the key to how we live. It's the key to your happiness, the key to your personal goodness, and the key to your success.
  35. 35. 33 East Versus West in the Pursuit of Happiness One useful model of observation on how people think comes in the classic description of the difference between Eastern thinking and Western thinking. Begin with the observation that unhappiness is the product of unmet desires. Eastern thinking says, change your desires to match what you already have, and you will become happy. Western thinking says, change the world to fit your desires, and you will be happy. If you are unhappy because you live in a tiny house and want a bigger home, the traditional Eastern view would be to change your desire so that you want no more than you already have. The Western view would be to go out and build a bigger house, at almost any cost. There's some wisdom in this model, but the world we live in today is no longer easily divided between East and West; each tradition has drawn on the other for decades now, and the habits and patterns of thinking of each have blended together in important ways. And in my experience, the most successful people have always combined elements of both traditions in their thinking — they embrace the ambition and outward focus of the West as well as the patience and humility of the East. We all know people who are filled with the Western ambition to go out and change the world. Many succeed, at least now and then, by pushing against the forces of the world and reshaping them. But just about all of them also fail now and then — because they come face-to-face with people, ideas, or parts of the physical world that are simply too strong to be moved. And we all know people who are filled with Eastern patience and humility, ready to reshape their own desires to fill the world. At times, this approach to life is powerfully rewarding, with the ups and downs of the external world softened by a philosophical detachment from external things. But how many opportunities to make positive change in the world slip by, how many chances to have a real impact on the world are missed, because of this detachment? But imagine the man or woman who looks at the world and understands, this is when I should push, here is the opportunity to reshape the world in some small way, and knows too when to say, here is when I must step back, here is when my desire has to yield to patience. The real power lies in being able to see both visions — both the ambition of the West and the humility and patience of the East — and being able to employ each when it best suits the challenge at hand. Beyond East and West to the Three Levels of Thinking For the world we live in today, the best model of human thinking I've come across is built of three levels or stages,1 and it draws from the best of both the East and the West. At the first level, the most important question for understanding the world and taking action is How do I feel? or How do I look to myself? Picture a teenager waking up in the morning and saying to his parent, I'm not going to school because I don't feel well. Or the worker leaving a note on her desk right after lunch — Gone home, not feeling well. That's level one. How you feel about yourself is almost all you care about. One level higher, the teen turns to his parent and asks, Do I look as bad as I feel? Or the worker decides not just to leave work, but to go talk with a colleague and say, Wow, I'm not feeling well. In reply, the parent may say, You look fine to me. Or the colleague may say, You should sit down and let me have a look at you. This is the second level, where you progress from asking How do I feel? or How do I look to myself? to How do others feel about me? or How do I look to others?
  36. 36. 34 This is a great leap forward — the individual is beginning to realize that other people are important, and that the ways other people see the world are important — but it's not remotely as powerful an outlook as the next level up, the third level. At the third level, the central question is not about how I feel, or about how others feel about me, but about how they feel about themselves. That might seem like a small step forward, but it can't be overestimated. Think about a sales situation — at the first level, the seller is focused on doing a good job on her own terms; at the second level, she's focused on making a good impression on the sales prospect. But at the third level, the salesperson herself might as well be invisible, because she has no interest in looking good, but only in helping the sales prospect look good in his own eyes, and reach his own goals. Or think about that teenager who doesn't want to go to school. The teen wakes up and says "I don't feel well" at level one. At level two, he's able to hear a parent say "you don't look sick to me." But at the third level, he's asking about how other people feel and discovers the best possible motive to get out of bed into the world: "other people are depending on me today." The motive to get up and out is not about what matters to me, but what matters to others. In this is some irony, and some magic. Once you focus on others in this way — as a friend, as a citizen, as a manager, as a colleague — you find that you yourself benefit as much or more than the others you're trying to help. Focusing on the sales prospect's needs instead of your own, you eventually reap the benefits of greater sales — more money, more respect, more confidence. Focusing on getting up out of bed because you understand that you can help others — and what a transforming positive feeling that statement carries with it: I can help others — you find that you become healthier and happier. You help yourself as much as you help others, because your life becomes infused with the purpose of doing good. My grandfather is a wonderful example of this effect. A self-educated man, he worked most of his life in jobs that did not satisfy his intellect or his desire to help others, but in his free time he was devoted to political causes that he thought could improve the lives of many. He was a socialist and an antiwar activist (though a veteran of World War II himself). Although some might argue that the specifics of his plan for improving the world were misguided, his personal sacrifices to help make positive change filled his life with a sense of purpose. I had the strong feeling that well into his late eighties, he continued to wake up in the morning and get out of bed in order to strike a blow against war, injustice, and poverty every day. That kept him healthy and engaged with the world while many others his age slipped out of touch. But my grandfather had a reason to live and to stay strong: he felt he was needed, and that he could help others. A woman I know in New Hampshire has a similar story to tell. She calls herself a community activist, having worked for years to get the local government in her town to provide more services for young families and their children. She's spearheaded drives to create a free day-care centre, to offer medical services for small children, and to give parents a safe and comfortable public place to bring their children when the long New England winter drags on. Sundays, she sets up out front of the local churches with her folding table, raising money and getting signatures on petitions. Weekdays, she sets up in front of schools and the one big food market in her small town. Everyone knows her, and she's got no shortage of critics as well as staunch friends — in small New England towns, there tend to be plenty of sceptics about providing public services, especially if they require tax dollars to be spent. But this energetic woman, a mother of two young children, says she loves her enemies. "Two things that motivate me," she says, "are helping the little boys and girls who need the basics and don't necessarily get them at home, and proving to those folks who don't think
  37. 37. 35 we ought to do more that of course we ought to do more. And I say this: thank goodness for those fools who don't want to help! They keep me fighting. If I didn't have such good and proper enemies, how would I know I was on the right track?" She gets a good head of steam going as she talks. Clearly, this is a woman who sees her life as filled with important work. She is a hero in her own eyes — she's got to be strong to help the children in her area, and so she is strong. Cause and effect. Because she asks herself the fundamental level-three questions every day — How are others living? What do they think of as their greatest needs? — she's reaching ambitious goals, making an enormous contribution to the lives of others, and filling her life with high purpose. The Story of Ed and Fred: Tuning in to What Other People Care About Most We all want to be our own heroes, and hear our own stories. If you grasp this truth, you can use it to reach your own goals. A famous story about the advertising business offers another glimpse of the way the three levels of thinking work. Two advertising managers are arguing about the size of the type in an ad they're planning to run in a newspaper. One of them — call him Ed — wants to save money by using smaller size letters in the ad. Smaller letters mean a smaller, less expensive ad overall. The other — call him Fred — says, "You dope, you need big letters to catch people's attention. If we use smaller letters no one will stop and read the ad." Ed says, "Nonsense. If your message is the right message and you say it clearly, everyone will read the ad." Fred's not convinced. Ed proposes a wager: "I'll bet you a thousand dollars I can run an ad in tomorrow's paper that you'll need a magnifying glass to read, and no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to resist reading every last word." Fred smells easy money and takes the bet. The next day, the paper comes out and there on the back page is a block of tiny type. Fred laughs. "OK, pal," he says. "Pay up — I'm not reading it. I couldn't even if I wanted to — the type's too small." "Well, OK, if you really think you won't. But you should know what's in the ad. It's all about you. It's your life story." Try as he might, Fred could not resist, and before the day was over he'd gone out and bought a magnifying glass and read all about himself over and over again. Fred was stuck at the first level of thinking — he was in love with his own story, as most of us are. Ed understood that and used his insight to win the bet and to save money on advertising by writing ads that used insight into the three levels of thinking to save on space. If you have no insight, your voice has to be loud to be heard — and your ads need to be big. But if you have lots of insight, your voice can be quieter and more civil, and your ads can be smaller and less expensive. Ed was at the third level — he understood that other people didn't want to hear about the products he had to sell, or about him as a salesperson, but were consumed by their own concerns about themselves and their own personal struggles. He asked the right level-three questions — How do other people look to themselves? What do they care about most? Ed understood that if he could connect the sale of his products to those personal concerns, his ads would be more effective and he'd sell more.
  38. 38. 36 The Story of Marty Edelston: How Second-Level Pride Hobbles the Critics of Successful People This is the story of a successful businessman with no shortage of critics. But his critics were at level one and level two. Marty was at level three. That's why the critics were working for Marty, instead of the other way around. I first heard the story of Ed and Fred from Marty Edelston, the founder of a company called Boardroom, Inc. Boardroom publishes the newsletter Bottom Line/Personal, a title that has at times had more than one million paid subscribers. I first went to work for Marty when I was nineteen, and the experience was tremendous. It was a glimpse into big-time publishing and also a fantastic exposure to a successful entrepreneur just hitting his stride as his company was reaching sales of about $35 million a year. Marty is something of a legend in the publishing business, an idiosyncratic man with an iron grip on all the details of his company, requiring personal approval of every word published in his newsletters and books and signing off directly on just about every dollar spent. Throughout the day, secretaries bring Marty healthy snacks of sliced fruit, which he generally eats in the middle of meetings, with his fingers. One of Marty's great talents is hiring bright and hungry people for key jobs. Many have publishing experience in more traditional firms and some are put off by Marty's highly personal approach and his total control of management at every level in the company.
  39. 39. 37 by Rabbi Noah Weinberg The key to happiness is to appreciate what you have. Sounds simple. So why are so many people unhappy? THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS The first thing to understand is happiness is generated by you. Nobody and no thing can make you happy. There is a difference between happiness and a change in your mood. Your mood changes all the time and is situational. How do you make yourself happy? You have to get in touch with the real you. Without really knowing yourself at the deepest level, how can you know what makes you happy? If you have spent your life pleasing others and being less genuine because you fear what others think, then there is some work that needs to be done in the area of self-esteem. When you become real, everything tends to fall in line because you chose to only do what is in alignment with the real you. When you BE who you are, you DO what makes you happy, and you HAVE what you want in your life.
  40. 40. 38 Another important ingredient to happiness is being in the moment. This is sometimes easier said than done. It takes practice. It’s easy to get lost in the thoughts about the past regrets, past guilt, or wishing things were right now they way they were then. At the same time, anxieties and fears about the future is no way to live either. All you really have and can feel happy about is this moment right now. Recognize that happiness is a choice you make. It is not an end result. It is part of the process. You don’t achieve happiness because of something. You simply are happy or you don’t. If you haven’t felt happy in awhile, ask yourself, “What am I thinking about?” Be honest. Accept others realities, even if it isn’t true for you. Recognize that it is their opinion. Having this high level of acceptance will make a huge difference in your level of happiness. No one and nothing else can choose how you feel. Discipline yourself to be happy. Do something to lift your spirits each day. You have to raise your own vibration. A young man once came to meet me in Jerusalem. He had an unusually happy disposition, so I asked him what's his secret. He told me: "When I was 11 years old, I received a gift of happiness from God. "I was riding my bicycle when a strong gust of wind blew me onto the ground into the path of an oncoming truck. The truck ran over me and cut off my leg. "As I lay there bleeding, I realized that I might have to live the rest of my life without a leg. How depressing! But then I realized that being depressed won't get my leg back. So I decided right then and there not to waste my life despairing. "When my parents arrived at the hospital they were shocked and grieving. So I told them: 'I've already adapted. Now you also have to get used to this.' "Ever since then, I see my friends getting upset over little things: their bus came late, they got a bad grade on a test, somebody insulted them. But I just enjoy life." Sounds simple, doesn't it? So why are so many people unhappy? At age 11, this young man attained the clarity that it is a waste of energy to focus on what you are missing. And that the key to happiness is to take pleasure in what you have. Sounds simple, doesn't it? So why are so many people unhappy? Happiness Is A State Of Mind Western society commonly perceives happiness as the outcome of what you achieve and acquire. My whole life would improve if I had a new car... I just need a better job and then I can relax and be happy. If only I met the right girl... You get the car and what happens? For a whole week you're walking on air. Then you go right back to being unhappy. Sound familiar?
  41. 41. 39 Judaism says: "Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of mind. You can have everything in the world and still be miserable. Or you can have relatively little and feel unbounded joy. "Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has." (Talmud - Pirkei Avot 4:1) Once you master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously enjoying what you already have, then you will always be happy. (c) 2007 Victoria Wizell All Rights Reserved Appreciate What You Have – And Troubles Become Insignificant You are standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State Building, gazing at the cityscape. Suddenly a rather large man brusquely pushes past you, wrenches the window open and announces his intention to jump. You yell out: "Stop! Don't do it!" The six-foot-five figure perched by the window turns to you and menacingly says, "Try to stop me and I'll take you with me!" "Umm... No problem, sir. Have a safe trip. Any last words?" He says, "Let me tell you my troubles. My wife left me, my kids won't talk to me, I lost my job and my pet turtle died. So why should I go on living?" Suddenly you have a flash of inspiration. "Sir, close your eyes for a minute and imagine that you are blind. No colours, no sights of children playing, no fields of flowers, no sunset. Now imagine that suddenly there's a miracle. You open your eyes and your vision is restored! Are you going to jump - or will you stick around for a week to enjoy the sights?" "I'll stay for a week." "But what happened to all the troubles?" "Ah, I guess they're not so bad. I can see!" An eyeball is worth at least five million dollars. You have two of them? You're rich. If you really appreciate your eyesight, then the other miseries are nothing. Yet if you take it all for granted, then nothing in life will ever truly give you joy. Misconceptions On The Road To Happiness Misconception #1: "Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work like magic." Don't expect the results to come automatically. It is possible to intellectually understand how to attain happiness, yet not put it into practice. In fact, many people might actually prefer to be comfortable and unhappy, rather than endure the discomfort of changing their habits. Just as learning any new skill requires effort, you have to be willing to invest serious effort to achieve real happiness.
  42. 42. 40 Misconception #2: "If I become content and satisfied with what I have, I'll lose my motivation to achieve more." Happiness doesn't drain your energy. It adds more! Ask a happy person: "I have a boat. Do you want to go fishing?" He'll say: "Great! Let's go!" Now ask someone who is depressed: "C'mon, let's go fishing!" He says, "I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow. And anyway, it might rain..." Happy people are energetic and ambitious. There's never enough time to do everything they want to do. Misconception #3: Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that's my own prerogative A beautiful Sunday afternoon. You're at the park having a picnic with your friends. Suddenly the air is pierced by one person complaining: "Who forgot the forks? It's too hot for volleyball. I want to go home already."> You have an obligation to be happy when your mood is negatively affecting others. Don't spoil the fun. We all try to put on a happy face when we're at a party. But what about when we are at home, with our kids? Or when we trudge into the office on Monday morning? Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public menace. Being happy is part of being considerate to the people around us. The Daily Pleasure Count To begin appreciating life, pinpoint some things you are extremely grateful for and count them every morning for one month, e.g.: your eyes, your hands, your children, your cat. Set a time each day to contemplate these pleasures. Feel gratitude for them. This exercise can change the mood of even the most miserable amongst us: The next time you visit your aunt (the one who loves to complain), tell her very respectfully: "Auntie, I came here to suffer with you today. But before we suffer, it is only fair that you also share with me five pleasures that you had today." "I had no pleasures." "Auntie, did you have coffee for breakfast?" "Yes." Don't let her off the hook with this perfunctory answer. Make her share the pleasure. "Was it sweet? Warm? Did the aroma linger? Did it give you energy?" (She'll comply because she wants her turn to complain...) "Okay, it was sweet and it was nice."
  43. 43. 41 "Great Auntie! Now four more!" "I didn't have any more." "Did you wash your face? Was it pleasant? Warm? Refreshing?" Relive it with her. Then another one. After she describes five pleasures, her complaints won't be nearly as bad. To really work at this, sit down with your spouse (or roommate) every evening and discuss one pleasure that each of you had that day. At the very least, you'll have a happier spouse or roommate! Incorporate this into your family routine so that your children also learn to appreciate their daily pleasures. The One Hour Blessing Fest The next exercise is more sophisticated. Spend one hour writing down everything for which you are grateful. Most people fly through the first 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes the pen moves more slowly. The next 15 minutes get even tougher, but you can pull through if you include your eyebrows and socks... The last 15 minutes are excruciating. Once the list is compiled, add one new blessing each day. The power of this exercise is clear: You must be conscious of all your blessings, in order to appreciate whatever new blessings come your way. Prioritise Your Blessings To really hone your skills and become an expert at appreciation, prioritize your list. Which is more valuable - your hands or your feet? Eyes or ears? Sense of taste or your sense of touch? Comparing each pleasure forces you to qualify the various subtle aspects of each pleasure. And to quantify how much each respective pleasure gives you. Follow this course and work at it daily. Your gratitude will continue to grow, building a solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness.
  44. 44. 42 TO BE HAPPY IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE The purpose of life is simply happiness. The feeling of happiness is what it feels like to be perfectly human. To be alive and human without believing or experiencing the problems, doubts and fears that we usually pay so much attention to. It is in our moments of happiness that we can access our full capabilities. When we doubt or fear we are limiting our capabilities. Life, energy or whatever term you wish to call it comes to us and flows through us continually. We are not the closed off, fixed beings that we think ourselves to be. We are, at the subatomic level, a continually changing, flowing of energy. Every time that you dust your house, you see parts of what was your skin yesterday. Now it has left you and begun to be recycled for another use. Tomorrow the particles that currently make up that hated wrinkle, will be dust around your house. Continually energy flows through you and is guided into form, by the information in; • your DNA, • your emotions, • your thoughts. This energy is limitless in potential. However the amount that you receive is limited by your openness. The energy comes into you through your own funnel. Your funnel is determined by your emotional state. If you make your funnel tight and narrow, meaning you are down or fearful, you will experience; • little energy, • little motivation, • little capability, • little happiness. If your funnel is wide and expansive, you will be happy. And you'll have all the energy, capabilities and motivation to fulfil your vision. It is in our most joyful moments that we are able to care about others. It is then that we have the energy, motivation and strength to turn our dreams into reality. The best thing we can do; • for ourselves • for others, • for the world is to be happy. Our joy spreads out to others and helps them to be happy. If you have a toothache, the aching tooth dominates your thoughts. In the same way, when you are unhappy, your misery dominates your thoughts. When you are happy, your mind is clear to think and care of others. So paradoxically, to be happy is the most altruistic and generous thing that you can do.