Happiness is no accident

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We all want a good life. Yet, how do we assure a raise of the quality level of our life? "Happiness is a reflexive verb that requires conjugation" It is, however, never an accident, but the result …

We all want a good life. Yet, how do we assure a raise of the quality level of our life? "Happiness is a reflexive verb that requires conjugation" It is, however, never an accident, but the result of specific ways of thinking and acting in this world. The methods reviewed in this volume will allow you to start improving the quality of your life immediately.

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  • 1. HappinessHappiness IsIs NoNo AccidentAccident Compiled by Dean Amory
  • 2. Title: Happiness Is No Accident Compiled by: Dean Amory Dean_Amory@hotmail.com Cover photo is courtesy of Imagerymajestic - FreeDigitalPhotosNet Publisher: Edgard Adriaens, Belgium eddyadriaens@yahoo.com ISBN: 978-1-291-98712-6 © Copyright 2014 Edgard Adriaens, Belgium, - All Rights Reserved. This book has been compiled based on the contents of nformation found on the internet. A number of the articles in this book are indicated by TM or © or contain a reference to the original author. Whenever you cite such an in a commercial situation, please credit the source or check with the IP -owner. If you are aware of a copyright ownership that I have not identified or credited, please contact me at: eddyadriaens@yahoo.com
  • 3. HHooww TToo EEnnhhaannccee YYoouurr LLiiffee Public Domain Information Compiled by Dean Amory
  • 4. 2
  • 5. 3 INDEX Love What You Do - A Key Ingredient for Success - Donald J. Trump Discover How To Reach Success, Happiness, Fame & Fortune! - Goldiemaz The Secrets Of Happiness - Jordan Cheng Doing Our Full Potential - Scott H Young Double Your Reading Rate - Scott H Young Twenty Unique Ways to Use the 80/20 Rule Today - Scott H Young The Critical Seven Rules to Understand People - Scott H Young Law of Attraction : Questions, Questions, Questions... - Aldian Prakoso Loving Relationships – Affirmations – Mastering the Art of Life - John Ryder The Three Levels of Thinking - The Power of Purpose - Peter S. Temes The Secret Of Happiness – Noah Weinberg 10 Critical Success Clues for Success – Lesley Fieger 10 Winning Traits for Success – Richard Gorham 12 Elements for Success – Lesley Fieger How To Make Your Wildest Dreams A Reality – Craig Lock Ignite Your Success - Paul Frazer Seven Character Traits of Successful People – Chris Widener Seven Ideas for Success – Uravi Kumar 7 Things You Can Do To Reach The Success You Truly Desire – BZ Riger Hull Being a Winner - Ten Tips for Success – Petra Rankin The Amazing Success Secret Anyone Can Start Using Today – Peter Murphy How To Begin Your Journey To Success – Dave Origano Effective Strategies for Stopping Procrastination – Garret Coan The Power of Mind Imagery - Joel S. Nelson What You Need To Do To Be Successful – Graham and Julie The Three-Step Formula To Success – Dean Phillips You Become What You Think About - http://www.inspiration4everyone.com How To Remove Obstacles For Personal Growth - Author Unknown How To Become Attractive - Thomas Leonard Motivating Interviewing - Author Unknown How To Live A Happy And Rewarding Life - Author Unknown The Five Rules Of Happiness - Burt Goldman Top Seven Strategies To Become The Best At What You Do - Lee Karjuki; Dean Amory
  • 6. 4 Sixty Small Ways To Improve Your Life In The Next 100 Days - Marelisa Fabrega Quotes - Various Authors What It Takes To Enhance Your Life - Dean Amory Fifteen Ways To Enhance your Life Immediately - Dean Amory Journey to Happiness - Organisational aid - Dean Amory HOW TO USE THIS BOOK This is not a reading book that you can read in one evening. It's a kaleidoscope of opinions on how you can enhance your life. Hence, the best way to read this book is to read one chapter at the time and then bring into practice what you read before proceeding to the next chapter. The texts in this book are public domain publications. However, before citing an article in a commercial publication, it is advised to always check with the author. BBOONN VVOOYYAAGGEE
  • 7. 5 LOVE WHAT YOU DO - A KEY INGREDIENT FOR SUCCESS by Donald J. Trump, Chairman, Trump University There is an ingredient for success that is often overlooked, maybe because it sounds out of place in business lingo. But I know for a fact that it is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long lasting success, and I know this from experience. That ingredient is passion. Enthusiasm on a big scale equals passion. If you don’t have passion, everything you do will fizzle out, or be mediocre, at best. You have to love what you’re doing in order to make it in a big time way. People with passion never give up, because they’ll never have a reason to give up, no matter what their circumstances might be. It’s an intangible momentum that can make you indomitable. Another way to see this clearly is to realize that passion conquers fear. This is an important fact when considering achievement of any sort. Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Every great and commanding movement in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it.” I agree. Think about that statement and keep it close to you. Next, assess your interests. What do you love doing? What is your imagination presenting to you? Can you develop any of these interests into a viable source of income? Can you come up with a personal blueprint? Do you have a foundation in place, or in the works, for this blueprint? Ask yourself these questions, cover your bases, and then move forward. Without momentum, you will simply be daydreaming. Very often the dividing line between success and failure is a lack of passion. I’ve known people who have had fantastic ideas who can’t seem to get them off the ground because they approach everything passively. They think the idea will somehow get off the ground by itself, or that just coming up with the idea is enough. Let me tell you something—it’s not enough. It will never be enough. You have to put the idea into action. And if you don’t have the motivation or enthusiasm to do it yourself, it’s likely your great idea will sit on top of your desk or inside your head for a long time to come. The pursuit of happiness is a proactive endeavour. People need to cultivate interests and explore their own skills and talents to really find out what they love. But it doesn’t end there. People interested in happiness—and who isn’t?—must also discover or create outlets to enhance and sustain their passions. Happiness, as a function of loving what you do, is a complex phenomenon that encompasses temperament, talents, and deep-rooted personality traits. There’s a lot to sort out, but it’s more than worth the effort because you can’t fix problems you don’t understand. A good self-evaluation, undertaken through a formal assessment that’s based on validated, statistical sampling, can go a long way toward helping one learn just what it is that makes him/her happy, and finding a suitable career. Passion is a catalyst. Use it to your advantage and you can start achieving tremendous things. Whatever you do, don’t overlook or underestimate this important ingredient for success. It can take you to some amazing places! Hope to see you there.
  • 8. 6 DISCOVER HOW TO REACH SUCCESS, HAPPINESS, FAME & FORTUNE by goldiemaz http://www.squidoo.com/roomatthetop The secrets to getting ahead in life and being successful are so simple that we often overlook them. Replacing a few bad habits with a few good ones can make a big difference. Try the following tips to get ahead in life Choose Good Companions Two are better than one, and you will find it both protection and incentive if you can secure a faithful friend; and in some respects better than two are the many; therefore you cannot do more wisely than seek out a wider companionship. Whilst instructed by the information of some, and strengthened by the firmer faith or larger experience of others, there are important themes on which you will learn to think with precision. Stop Procrastinating Mrs. Whitney says, in one of her books, that "the things which are crowded out of a life are the test of that life," and I believe that the saying is true in its widest sense. Examine our lives closely, and we shall find that we constantly delude ourselves with the idea that we would accomplish certain things if we had time, when, in truth, we have no real desire for those things. One person will say that reading is out of the question; another will bewail the impossibility of maintaining social relations; a third will avow that charitable or benevolent enterprises would delight her if she might engage in them and all the time these good people are comforting themselves with a fallacy. The things for which they do find time are the things they prefer. The things which are crowded out are the things they would not choose if life lay unemployed before them. Scores of wives and mothers are busied constantly with their family cares, but not one in every score loves music enough to steal time for practice. Hundreds of young men are forced by stress of circumstances to work hard for daily subsistence, but only one in a thousand, perhaps, conquers the difficulty of his position, and makes a name for himself. This one might not have found his way easier or its upward steps less tiresome, but he wanted to succeed, and so wanting, let nothing needful be crowded out. Keep Your Temper You will accomplish nothing by losing it. Many date their failure in business to some hasty and ill- considered statement made during a fit of temper. When things go awry, business is dull, and the prospect is dark ahead, it is very poor consolation to indulge in passionate and angry remarks to those around you. The frown on a person's face is a good indication of the state of the feelings within. The world judges us by our outward conduct and behaviour, and ill-nature and anger. Keep your temper.
  • 9. 7 Energy and Courage Energy enables a man to force his way through irksome drudgery and dry details, and carries him onward and upward in every station in life. It accomplishes more than genius. Energy of will may be defined to be the very central power of character in a man - in a word, it is the Man himself. True hope is based on it - and it is hope that gives the real perfume to life. No blessing is equal to the possession of a stout heart Charles IX, of Sweden, was a firm believer in the power of will, even in a youth. Laying his hand on the head of his youngest son, when engaged upon a difficult task, he exclaimed. "He shall do it! he shall do it!" Nothing that is of real word can be achieved without courageous working. The timid and hesitating find everything impossible, chiefly because it seems so. The Scriptural injunction, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might", must be realized if you wish to succeed. It is pluck, tenacity, and determined perseverance which wins soldiers' battles, and, indeed, every battle. It is the one neck nearer that wins the race and shows the blood; it is the one march more that wins the campaign; the five minutes' more persistent courage that wins the fight. Though your force be less than another's, you equal and out-master your opponent if you continue it longer and concentrate it more. The reply of the Spartan father, who said to his son, when complaining that his sword was too short, "Add a step to it," is applicable to everything in life. The Strength Of Silence There is a mighty power in silence, and silence is frequently an evidence of power. There are many people so weak that they can not hold their tongues, or keep their mouths shut. One who offends not in word is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body. He who can control his tongue, can control his entire nature. Hence silence is a token of power, of reserved force. He who knows how to keep silence knows how to speak; and often his silence is more impressive than his speech. "Brilliant flashes of silence" is by no means a senseless expression. How often have we seen the babble of the foolish hushed by the silent glance of an earnest soul; how often the ribald jest or scurrilous word has died upon the lips when an indignant silence was the only reply it could evoke. That man or that woman who can stand silent amid reproaches and accusations and sneers and scons, shows a degree of strength and power which falls not to the lot of every one. The silent accomplish more than the noisy. The tail of the rattlesnake makes all the noise, but the head does all the execution. Idleness Not Happiness The most common error is that of looking for happiness somewhere outside of useful work. It has never yet been found when thus sought, and never will be while the world stands; and the sooner this truth is learned the better for everyone. If you doubt the proposition, glance around among your friends and acquaintances, and select those who appear to have the most enjoyment in life. Are they the idlers and pleasure-seekers, or the earnest workers? We know what your answer will be. Of all the miserable human beings it has been our fortune or misfortune to know, they were the most wretched who had retired from useful employment to enjoy themselves; while the slave at his enforced labour, or the hungry toiler for bread, were supremely happy in comparison.
  • 10. 8 THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS By Jordan - http://jordancheng.net/the-secrets-of-happiness/ There are paradoxes surrounding wealth and happiness, which drive everyone to its pursuit. The reality is, there are sufficient evidences to show a significant disconnect between wealth and well- being. Based on the research findings, you will know that happiness can be elusive and yet attainable. The following are suggestions on how you can increase your happiness: Realize That Wealth Does Not Create Permanent Happiness. People adapt to changing circumstances—even to wealth or a disability. Thus wealth is like health: Its utter absence breeds misery, but having it (or any circumstance we long for) doesn’t guarantee happiness. “The mind of every man, in a longer or shorter time, returns to its natural and usual state of tranquillity. In prosperity, after a certain time, it falls back to that state; in adversity, after a certain time, it rises up to it.” (Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments, 1759) Be Your Own Time Master. Happy people are master of time management, and hence often feel in control of their lives. It helps to set goals and break them into daily aims. Although we often overestimate how much we will accomplish in any given day (leaving us frustrated), we generally underestimate how much we can accomplish in a year, given just a little progress every day. Be Happy, Even Deliberately. We can deliberately put ourselves into a frame of mind by starting it with physical action. When you feel moody, look at the mirror and put on a bright smile to yourself. It ignites the energy of joyful emotion, which makes you feel better and trigger subsequent positive moods. When you meet people outside, your energy can be felt by people and brings forth mutually contagious effect. So put on a happy face. Talk like someone with high self-esteem, optimistic, and outgoing. Once you go through the motions, it can trigger the emotions. As Mary Kay said: “Fake it until you make it” Align Work with Passion. As mentioned in my previous post Experiencing Flow State, happy people often are in a psychological state called “in the zone” or “in the flow” – when one is completely absorbed in a task that challenges them yet without overwhelming them. Most of the expensive forms of leisure (such as sitting on a yacht) provide less flow experience than gardening, playing musical instruments, painting, keeping fish, socializing, or craft work. Be Physically Active. It has become a known fact the exercise not only promotes health and energy, it is also an antidote for mild depression and anxiety. Go for gym, jogging, swimming, yoga, aerobics, Pilates, and anything that works your body and gets you perspiring. Sound minds reside in sound bodies. Read
  • 11. 9 my post “Why Do I Wake Up At 6 am Every Morning” on my experiences benefiting from daily morning run. Have Enough Rest. Happy people live active vigorous lives yet reserve time for renewing sleep and solitude. Many people suffer from sleep deficiency, with resulting fatigue, diminished alertness, and gloomy moods. If insomnia is the cause, try to restore balance in life, exercise regularly, have proper diet, get a massage, practice yoga and meditation. Give Priority to Close Relationships. Intimate friendships with those who care deeply about you can help you weather difficult times. Confiding is good for soul and body. Resolve to nurture your closest relationships: to not take those closest to you for granted, to display to them the sort of kindness that you display to others, to affirm them, to play together and share together. Focus Beyond Self. Reach out to those in need. Happiness increases helpfulness (those who feel good do good). As true as the saying “what goes around comes around”, doing good also makes one feel good. Being opened to the needs of surrounding people also help you avoid dwelling in your own misery. Be Grateful. People who keep a gratitude journal—who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, senses, natural surroundings, and so on.) experience heightened well-being. “I cried because I had no shoes,” states a Persian saying, “until I met a man who had no feet.” Learn Not To Compare. Most of the misery of people comes from comparing with others who are better or have more. This is the definite source of discontent and a perpetual sense of lack. It may continue to drive you to achieve more, but for the wrong reasons. It is like the rat on the treadmill, constantly chasing its tail until exhaustion. It puts a person on over-drive without any sense of fulfilment. If there is any happiness from achieving, it is often fleeting. When you stop comparing with others, you get started on the path of freedom. “Our poverty became a reality. Not because of our having less, but by our neighbours having more.” (Will Campbell, Brother to a Dragonfly, 1977) Nurture Your Spiritual Self. For many people, faith provides a support community, a reason to focus beyond self, and a sense of purpose and hope. Study after study finds that actively religious people are happier and that they cope better with crises. May you live a life of pure and permanent happiness!
  • 12. 10 DOING OUR FULL POTENTIAL by Scott H Young http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2006/03/24/living-up-to-our-full-potential/ An idea I am constantly referred to is that of “living up to our full potential.” I don’t agree with this concept. It might seem odd that someone who runs a personal development blog would disagree with the concept of living up to our full potential, an idea that is often used as the fundamental of personal development, so let me explain. I personally believe that the idea of “living up to our full potential” illustrates a flaw in our thinking about how we define “success”. Our full potential seems to imply that there is an arbitrary point of maximum achievement for each of us in this life time. I think this type of thinking can be inspiring, but also limit us in a way. Thinking about “living up to our full potential” can often inspire or push us to make improvements. In this sense, having a full potential to live up to is a good concept in order to get us to make the improvements we need to make to live a great life. However, I believe that the concept of “full potential” makes some inaccurate assumptions about success. In order to see what these inaccurate assumptions are, we need to define success. So what is success? I personally would consider success to be the measure of happiness, fulfilment and impact we have with our lives. Success is the sense that we are fulfilled with our contribution to the world and are doing our best. Think about it. Everything we do in life is pretty much to directly or indirectly influence these factors. We want to be happy and fulfilled in our life and our life’s purpose. Once we have that we want to increase the positive impact we can have on the world. That is how I would define success. So where does happiness and fulfilment come from? Happiness and fulfilment come from growth. When we feel we are growing, improving and experiencing life to the best of our abilities is when we are the most fulfilled and contented. Therefore I would say that the measure of success we have in life is the level of growth we are currently experiencing. So why does this conflict with the concept of “living up to our full potential”? I believe this conflict arises because this implies that the true measure of success is in achieving a certain point or position in the continuum of personal development. But based on our definition of success, the position is not really what creates success. Success instead is based on the rate of growth or velocity. So instead of our past concept of “living up to our full potential.” I would say it more accurately as “doing our full potential.” This may seem like semantics but the difference is crucial. Living up to our true potential, that is the arbitrary point of maximum achievement in our lives is daunting and rarely inspiring. How can one possibly live up to their “full” potential without the
  • 13. 11 benefit of hindsight? Even if we are doing our best, we might make mistakes or incorrect decisions. This true potential implies that success, happiness and fulfilment, are linked to achieving our “full potential”. Seeing as this full potential is always just out of reach, extending this line of thinking says that we will not be happy or fulfilled unless we reach it. This is why I think this statement actually demotivates a lot of people. Doing our full potential implies that we are going to do our best to grow and improve ourselves. This statement puts the pressure on the present, not the impossibly huge context of our whole lives. In this sense, as long as we are doing the best we possibly can, we are successful. We can always do our best, regardless of a specific outcome. By focusing on doing our full potential we can experience maximum growth and improvement in our lives. From this improvement and growth we can achieve happiness and fulfilment. Knowing we are doing the best we can is enough to satisfy. From this context I would say that a recovering alcoholic doing his best to improve his life is more successful than someone who has settled into an average life. Our full potential in the course of our lives is often at the mercy of different factors we cannot control. If we were to suddenly die tomorrow, I wouldn’t say that where we our right now was our full potential. Furthermore, this full potential gets us to strive towards a point, rather than focusing on the growth and direction itself. This concept of success as being an arbitrary point is prevalent in the way we set goals. I often hear about people who say that they weren’t any happier after achieving their goals than they were before. These people would often go on to claim that the problem was with goal setting entirely. The fact is, the real problem is that they believed success (happiness and fulfilment) was linked with an arbitrary point, rather than the rate of their own growth. The reason you set goals is to increase your velocity, to increase the rate of your growth, not just to achieve a specific milestone, or position, in that development. It may seem odd that the purpose of goal setting isn’t just to achieve the goal, but rather to get us to push beyond our normal expectations, but it is very true. I believe that many people who like this expression already use it in the way I describe as doing instead of reaching a point. For those people I think you’ve already got the right idea. Focus on how you can do your best right in this moment. As long as you are doing that, you are successful. Life is a journey not a destination. Don’t focus on reaching an arbitrary point, whether that is our “full potential” or even your specific goals. Instead focus on whether you are doing your best to grow, improve and expand. Focus not on living up to your full potential but in doing your full potential in every moment of your life.
  • 14. 12 You can do anything http://toolstolife.com//?_partner=17&gclid=CPmL7vP495ACFQ5lQgodWz_F1w Success is not a Secret, Success is a Process Don't let anything hold you back Join Free Program to a better life www.ToolsToLife.com Imagine What It Might Be Like If You TRULY Could Experience A Life Of Unlimited Abundance and Happiness You Can Get It By Clicking Here http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/success-blueprint.html Abundance and Happiness.com Providing New Hope Today For Rewarding And Fulfilling Tomorrows PositiveArticles.com http://www.positivearticles.com/Category/General-Self-Help/62/pdate/desc/9 Bringing you positive ideas for self growth and success Miracles are your responsibility! By : John Di Lemme As you read this today, my goal is for you to take responsibility and realize that you have the innate ability to create miracles. So let’s get started! The 7 Most Important Subjects Never Taught In School By : Kevin Michael Kiley Life is actually very simple. The hard part is allowing it to be that way. This article briefly describes the 7 areas of our lives to which we should pay constant attention. Having ideals in these 7 areas and learning to move toward those ideals in a regular and balanced way can provide a powerful sense of meaning and purpose. This article is meant to help people see this more simply and clearly and to prod them in that direction.
  • 15. 13 DOUBLE YOUR READING RATE by Scott H Young Reading is an incredibly important skill to have. Just about any form of education will involve reading, sometimes almost exclusively. You can often make yourself an expert on an intellectual subject just by reading enough in that area. But despite the incredible importance of reading, most people are wildly inefficient at it. Sure: most people have enough reading skills to move around. But they are far from running. Over a year ago I picked up the book, Breakthrough Rapid Reading by Peter Kump, an expert in the area of speed-reading. From that purchase I took the time and energy to study other ways to improve my reading skill. When I did the initial test, I could read at 450 words per minute. A little above the average of around 300, but nothing spectacular. By using the techniques I’ll describe in this article I was able to increase that rate to around 900 words per minute in average situations, at least doubling of my reading rate. I believe there are six major keys to improving your reading skill. Like all skills, success only comes through practice, so just reading this article won’t be enough. But if you are interested in how you might be able to make dramatic improvements in both speed and comprehension, I’ve found these six points to be the best start. 1) Remember, Reading is Not Linear How do you read a book? Likely from start to finish, never going back and never skipping any sections. This is probably one of the most inefficient ways to read. The beauty of text is that it is non-linear. You can skip down to read only my main bullet points, or read them in practically any order. Although the pattern of start to finish might be a simple one, it isn’t always the most effective. For most books I do read in a roughly start to finish fashion. But I frequently re-read passages that I want to get a greater understanding of and completely skim over passages that I feel are redundant or unnecessary. Good writers generally add anecdotes or metaphors to improve understanding of a concept which you can skim over top of if you already get their point. Similarly, bad writers often go short on explanation of complex details so re-reading can allow your brain the time to form the concepts. Not only is reading non-linear but it doesn’t have a set pace. Although I read some books at about 900 words per minute, I slow down to 200 if the passage I am reading is particularly information dense or complicated. Similarly I can skim at over 1500 words per minute if I’m reading mostly fluff. Saying I can read at 900 wpm is like saying I can drive at 100 km/h. Speed reading isn’t just about faster but pacing yourself for the specific reading task you face. Most people read a book as if it were given to them as a speech. They listen to the author and follow along with what he is saying in a purely sequential manner. In order to reach faster rates of comprehension you have to learn to abandon this tactic. You can start this by not sub vocalizing.
  • 16. 14 2) Stop Sub vocalizing When you started to read you probably read out loud. Your elementary school teacher wanted you to read the book and say the words aloud. After you mastered this skill, you were told to simply say the words inside your head and read quietly. This is where most reading education and skill levels end. To move to a new level you need to stop sounding the words inside your head or sub vocalizing. Sub vocalizing takes time, more time than is necessary to comprehend the words you are reading. It is almost impossible to go much beyond 400 or 500 words while sub vocalizing. Instead you need to train yourself to read without hearing the words in your head. But for most people this has become such an ingrained reading habit that they don’t realize that sub vocalization is a distinct process to comprehension. If I read at around a thousand words per minute, there is no way I could hear the words in my head while trying to process them. Instead I simply see the word and my brain automatically constructs what has been written. I’ll understand a line of text that I looked over in a second, even though it may have taken at least five just to say the words in my head. Since most people currently can’t separate the sub vocalization from comprehension, they are locked in at a rate of about 400-500 words. Moving beyond that rate requires that you practice reading faster than you can actually read. Edit: I’ve done a follow-up to explain sub vocalization more as I think this post may have confused people a little. Check it out here: Speed Reading Follow-Up 3) Practice Reading Practice reading doesn’t mean reading. Practice reading involves reading faster than you can actually read. Chances are you won’t comprehend much of what you are reading because your brain is so used to going at a slower rate and sub vocalizing. The point is simply to see the text faster than you can read so you can untie the habit of sounding the words as you comprehend them. You can start doing this by taking out a timer or a stop watch and simply viewing as much text in a book as possible in one minute. Use a book you haven’t read before to ensure your brain is actually practicing instead of relying on memory. Mark out where you started and stopped. Count the number of words per line (use a quick average) and then the number of lines you actually read in the book to compute your practice reading rate. Once you get used to practice reading at a high rate that you can’t comprehend, you should slowly be able to actually comprehend at a slightly slower rate but still faster than if you sub vocalized. I would often practice read at between 1500 and 1800 words per minute, and although I lacked comprehension skill, I could maintain it at about 900-1000, over double what I had done when I sub vocalized.
  • 17. 15 But how can you practice read faster than you can read? How do you follow the text but still go faster than you can read? The answer is another of speed reading tricks, using a pointer. 4) Use a Pointer Your eyes don’t stay fixed in one spot when reading. Eye tracking movements have shown that your eyes actually quiver and move around considerably. And every movement away from your position in text requires a few milliseconds to readjust. These little readjustments in locating your place in a book add up to be very costly if you want to go faster. Use your index finger to mark where you are on the page at all times. It should follow along with the word you are currently reading, slowly scrolling across each line and then back down one. It may feel awkward at first and it may even temporarily slow your reading rate as you adjust, but using a pointer is critical if you want to improve your reading skill. Using a pointer is also crucial if you want to practice read. By moving your finger faster than you can actually read, your eyes get used to viewing text faster than your brain can process what is written down. This will break your sub vocalization attachment and can easily let you double your reading rate with sufficient practice. You should use your finger as a pointer all the time. When I first started with the habit I found it annoying to hold the book in a funny position so I could use my right hand to scroll the page. I thought it was silly and maybe even a waste of time. But now I find it hard to read without a pointer. Noticing how much it has helped me focus my reading efforts it is a priceless tool in reading. 5) Eliminate Distractions As a university student living on campus I’ve noticed a few of my friends who “study” while watching television. Not surprisingly, these tend to be the same people who complain about how much studying they have to do. Reading can’t happen in an environment where external distractions are overwhelming. If you need a break, take a break. Taking a few minutes to watch a television show, listen to some music or just close your eyes can often improve your focus. But don’t multitask with your reading or you’ll lose any benefits speed reading can offer. Worse, because you have stopped sub vocalizing, you might even skim through several pages before you realize you haven’t comprehended anything that was written. Distractions will hamper regular reading but they will make speed reading impossible. Sub vocalization creates enough mental noise that it can hold your attention, but without that it can often be difficult to stick with what you are reading. External distractions may be a problem, but internal distractions are just as bad. They occur when in the midst of reading you start pondering that conversation you just had with a friend, the movie
  • 18. 16 you want to see or whether you should do your laundry. The way to remove internal distractions comes from clearly identifying a purpose and a motivation. 6) Find Your Motivation If there was one piece of advice I would offer to improve your reading rate it would be simply to engross yourself in the material you are studying. If you can connect what you are reading to a deeply held motivation, and determine your specific purpose for reading you can maintain a very alert and focused state. Most people don’t do this. Instead they force themselves to study the book they know they should and end up having to refocus themselves every thirty seconds when their mind decides that this book is boring and would like to be somewhere else. First, find a general motivation. This is how what you are reading relates to your truly motivating goals and passions in life. When I read my psychology textbook I focus on the fact that many personal development principles come from an understanding of human psychology and that I may discover new ideas if I look carefully. When studying ancient Asian history I focused on the fact that studying a completely different culture could offer insights into how Western and Eastern value systems differed, giving me new thoughts on whether my values are as absolute as I once thought. I also focused on the fact that many great philosophers such as Buddha and Confucius lived during these times with a profound influence on the ideas of these nations. The general motivation should make you want to read the book. If you don’t genuinely want to read the book, come up with more reasons it is attached to your deepest interests or it is going to be a struggle to move through. You can find a general motivation for reading any book if you are creative enough, so don’t tell me you can’t figure out one. The second portion is to determine your specific motivation for reading. What are you specifically looking for when reading the book. New ideas? A practical solution to a problem? An understanding of a concept? A chance to flex your mental muscles? Figure out what you want to get out of each reading session so your mind is primed to intake that knowledge. If you are interested in improving your speed reading, I strongly suggest Breakthrough Rapid Reading by Peter Kump. The book goes from beginner concepts that I’ve detailed to even more advanced ones that I have yet to master (such as reading several lines at once and reading sentences backwards to save time on a pointer backstroke). Speed reading is definitely a worthwhile skill and at the very least your friends will be impressed.
  • 19. 17 TWENTY UNIQUE WAYS TO USE THE 80/20 RULE I’m sure most people are familiar with Pareto’s principle, developed by an Italian economist and most commonly known as the 80/20 Rule. While Pareto originally used the rule noticing that 80% of the wealth was owned by 20% of the population, the rule has applications in almost every area of life. There are many ways you can use this rule. Here’s twenty: 1. Work Tasks - Write down all the broad categories of tasks you do at your job. You can make a little table that shows the amount of hours spent at each category (say, 1 hr for E-mail, 1 hr for contacting clients, etc.) and on another column write down a value estimate for what percentage you believe it contributes to your productivity. Eliminate, simplify or delegate low %’s and focus on high %’s. 2. Food - Record your eating habits for a week. Calculate up the calories of the different items of food. I’ve done this before and I’ve found it surprising how some treats contribute a high percentage of your calorie pie for no nutritional value, when other vices consumed in smaller portions take up only a sliver but still offer a tasty treat. 3. Daily Time Log - Do a time log on your activities for an entire day. Record the stop and start point for any activity. Then broadly shuffle the different activities into categories. Figure out what parts of your day aren’t contributing to either productivity, entertainment or personal happiness and cut them out. 4. Reading - Look at the last few dozen books you’ve read. Rate them according to the amount of useful info or entertainment value. Look for trends and use that info to skim or skip future books to save time. 5. Relationships - Look at your social circle and friends. Do a rough estimate of the amount of time and energy you invest in each relationship. Compare that to the amount of stress or satisfaction. You might find that certain relationships are toxic and others are valuable and should be invested in more. 6. RSS Feeds - Look through your feed list. Write down the percentage of articles you enjoyed out of the last ten in the feed. Eliminate the lowest %’s. You may want to take into account article length or posting rate, but quality is probably the best measurement of all. 7. E-Mail - Group the types of e-mails you answer into basic categories. Consider developing a template for the most common e-mail responses that contribute the least potential value for answering personally. 8. Magazine Subscriptions - Same as RSS feeds. Go through all your subscriptions and give a percentage scale of what you perceive to be the value of the last several editions. Cancel subscriptions to the bottom and leave the top. 9. Television Shows - Record your television watching habits for a week or two. After watching give a subjective rating of the television show. After your done, total up the amount spent on different shows or channels. If you have a special subscription service, cancel the channels that you don’t watch or have little value. Otherwise, consider eliminating live television entirely and
  • 20. 18 recording the shows you feel are valuable to watch later. I’ve done this before and it can be a big time saver while still allowing you to enjoy some passive entertainment. 10. Web Surfing - Record your web usage for a day or two. Write down the sites you visited or tools you used to get there (StumbleUpon, Digg, etc.) Figure out sites took up the most time and which had the least value. You’d be surprised how often they are the same thing. 11. Spring Cleaning - Although it’s only a few weeks from summer, you can use this on any organization attempt. Go through your items and trash all the items that you haven’t used recently (except for important documents). Just because you have storage space, doesn’t mean it should be filled with garbage. Eliminate clutter and it becomes far easier to find and use the things you actually need. 12. Clients/Customers - This one comes from Tim Ferriss, in the Four Hour Workweek. Figure out which customers contribute the most complaints and the least revenue. Notify them that things will need to change and set down some guidelines. Then fire the ones that don’t comply. Goes against the doctrine that the customer is always right, but some people just aren’t worth the trouble they cause. 13. Hard Drive - Sort through your computer documents, comparing the last modified date for various major folders. Create a separate folder system where you can move these rarely used files. This will eliminate your computer clutter and make it far easier and faster to find the stuff you actually use. 14. Desktop - Same thing as the hard-drive, but I do it every week or two. Just go through your desktop and delete any short-cuts or move documents that haven’t been used in the last two weeks. You don’t have to completely eliminate everything, but it will make your desktop a more efficient workspace. 15. Applications - Go through all your computer applications. Figure out which ones are distracting and are either rarely used or contribute little value. Uninstall those. If this seems like too much work, a complete computer reformat can get rid of the trash. 16. Home Appliances - Determine which appliances cause the most frustration, stress and break down the most. Once you’ve done this you have three options: learn to use the tool better to understand it and prevent stress, buy a new one or find a substitute that is less damage prone. Save yourself the headache and 80/20 your lawnmower. 17. Budget - Calculate all your discretionary expenses (after taxes, food and necessities). Now compare the money value of each expense with the utility of the purchase. If you wanted to compare different entertainment items in your budget, you could value each expense on the pleasure it brought you. If you wanted to compare different investments or tools you could compare return rates or productivity gained. 18. Blogging - Classify the types of posts you write into different categories. I’ve done this grouping by, post length, subject, format, style, images, etc. Multiply each by the amount of time to write each type of post. Then compare that data to your estimate of traffic gained from each. Use this as a guide for future writing.
  • 21. 19 19. Habits - Figure out which behaviours (or lack thereof) contribute the most to your life. exercise? Rising Early? Family Dinners? Use this as a basis for making new habits. 20. Goals - It doesn’t matter whether you have them written down or just in your head. Look at all your goals and compare the resources required to accomplish each (time, money, energy, etc.) with the benefits gained. Benefits could be physical rewards, purposeful work or emotional quality. Pursue the goals with the highest value.
  • 22. 20 7 RULES TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE By: Scott H. Young Clearly a rule can’t define something as complex as human behaviour. But despite this, I’ve found most people tend to make the same mistakes. Remembering these seven rules will help you avoid these mistakes. People Skills is About Being Nice, Friendly and Interesting. Duh! Most of the books I’ve read on dealing with people either make two claims: • Obvious stuff that most people already know: Things like be nice, be considerate, etc. • Bizarre and complex theories that may explain some behaviour, but is difficult to generalize. However, what most people need is information that can be applied generally, but isn’t always obvious and that helps to avoid people conflicts, social errors and emotional upsets. Here are the seven rules I’m talking about: Rule One: Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit. People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because they are mostly focused on themselves. Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has: In this example, 60% of thoughts are self- directed. My goals. My problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me? How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my friends like me or see me as irritating? Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie thinking. Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.
  • 23. 21 What does this mean? 1. Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger. 2. People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause. 3. Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you. Rule Two: Few Social Behaviours are Explicit Basically this rule means that most the intentions behind our actions are hidden. If a person is feeling depressed or angry, usually the resulting behaviours distort their true feelings. If I feel you snubbed me, I might hold my tongue but ignore you later. The old joke is that women use words like, “fine,” and, “go ahead,” when they really feel the opposite. But I’ve noticed men do this too in polite situations, although often not in the same way. The application of this rule is that you need to focus on empathy, not just hearing a person. Demonstrate trust, build rapport and learn to probe a bit. By focusing on empathy you can usually break away these subversions and get to the heart of the issue faster. The other application of this rule is that most the time you feel something, nobody else knows about it. So don’t get angry when people aren’t responding to you. If you deceive your thoughts with your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people. Rule Three: Behaviour is Largely Dictated by Selfish Altruism To say everyone is completely selfish is a gross exaggeration. That ignores all the acts of kindness, sacrifice and love that make the world work. But I would argue that most (not all, but most) behaviour does work from the principles of selfish altruism. Selfish altruism is basically win/win. It is where helping you directly or indirectly helps me. There are a couple main categories where this applies: 1. Transactions - If I purchase a car, both myself and the dealer benefit. I get a vehicle, which I want. The dealer gets money to improve his lifestyle. This is the predominant form of selfish altruism between people who don’t have emotional bonds. 2. Familial - Blood is thicker than water. We are designed to protect people who share our genes. This can sometimes shift towards extremely close friends and loved ones. 3. Status - Helping someone is a sign of power. Many species of primates will offer assistance as a sign of dominance. People act similarly, offering aid to boost their self-esteem and reputation. 4. Implied Reciprocity - Many relationships are based on the idea that if I help you, one day you will help me as well. Occasionally behaviour falls outside this group. Nameless heroes dying for causes that don’t help their bloodline. Volunteers devoting their time towards humanitarian missions. But these are the minority, whereas most actions can be explained by some form of selfish altruism.
  • 24. 22 How do you apply this rule? You understand the motives of people and appeal to them as if they were selfish. Find ways to help people within these four categories. Don’t expect people to offer aid outside of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely. Rule Four: People Have Poor Memories Ever been told someone’s name at a party and then forgot it later? Another rule of human behaviour is that people have trouble remembering things. Especially information (as you’ll recall in rule one) that doesn’t apply to themselves. People are more likely to remember your similarities than your differences (unless they were emotionally incensed by them). Recently I even broke this rule. I made arrangements to talk to a person I hadn’t met before on the phone. Even with my normally foolproof system of calendars and to-do lists, a few spontaneous schedule changes caused me to miss the call. I quickly apologized and made a new arrangement. But the fact is most people don’t have organized GTD systems. People are forgetful by nature, so once again, don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten. The other side of this rule is that you can demonstrate reliability by having a good memory or system (if it doesn’t fail you). Rule Five: Everyone is Emotional Perhaps this is an exaggeration. But the core of the message is that people tend to have stronger feelings about something than they let on. People who regularly have outbursts of anger, depression or flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in most cultures. This especially applies to men (for women trying to figure us out). The application of this rule is to not assume everything is fine just because someone isn’t having a nervous breakdown. We all have our individual problems, angst and upsets that are normally contained. You don’t need to call people out on their private deception, but being sensitive to those underlying currents gives you an advantage in trying to help. The alternate application of this rule is similar to rule two. People generally assume everything is fine unless you just had a blow-up. Rule Six: People are Lonely This is another broad generalization. But it is amazing how many people who seem to have it all, suffer from bouts of loneliness. As social animals, I believe people are especially sensitive to any threats to becoming ostracized. In Neanderthal times, exile meant death, so loneliness and the desire to be with other people is a strong one. The application of this rule is that loneliness is fairly common, so in that sense, you really aren’t alone. I used to be bothered when I felt alone or an outsider in a social group. Although I’m still human, I’ve found recognizing this feeling to be fairly common as a way to minimize it.
  • 25. 23 Rule Seven: Did I Mention People Are Self-Absorbed? This may sound like a reiteration of rule one, but I believe the applications extend beyond relationships and your emotional state. The fact that people tend to be too concerned about themselves to give you much attention, that people tend to be lonelier, more emotional and feel differently than they let on applies to how you view the world. If anything this perspective should make you more proactive and independent. Once I started really learning these rules, it made far more sense that I needed to take charge. By placing your individual happiness in the hands of another person (or people), you ignore all these rules and do so at your own peril. I like to take an optimistic, but realistic view of people. People who are generally try their best, but make mistakes and suffer from unintended self-absorption. In other words, they are basically like you.
  • 26. 24 LAW OF ATTRACTION : QUESTIONS ... By: Aldian Prakoso The Secret The Secret is a film that was produced by Prime Time Productions. It is actually a series of films that focus on the idea of “The Law Of Attraction”. The principle is that under the “Law of Attraction” the things that people feel and think attract real things in life. It stems from the cosmos to the personal relationships people form with people. The belief is that these things target physical, emotional, and professional aspects of every person’s life, whether they understand it or not. Ask : Know what you want and ask the universe for it. This is where you need to get clear on what it is you want to create and visualize what you want as being as 'real' as possible. Believe : Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its way. Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to attract. You want to feel the feeling of really 'knowing' that what you desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick yourself into believing it – do it. Receive : Be open to receiving it. Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from the Universe to help you along the way as assurance you are on the 'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and open yourself up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show up. What is it you want in order to have a truly magnificent life? What is it in your daily life that you could do, be, or have that would make a difference in the way you experience life? What would take your life to the next level? What do you need (or want) to experience life to the fullest? We look at ourselves as human beings; but we are also human havings and human doings. What do you want to have in your life to truly make it spectacular: True friends, a new relationship, great health, passion? What do you want to do to make your life fun and exciting: Fly an airplane, run a marathon, volunteer once a week at an animal shelter, write a book? What would you like to be to make a difference in the world or to yourself, or your family and friends: A great son, daughter, husband or wife? Would you like to be abundant, loving, forgiving?
  • 27. 25 Look at each aspect of your life and identify what you want or desire in the following areas. Relationships: What kind of relationships do you want to create with God, with your parents, children, friends, co-workers, wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, and most importantly, yourself? How do you attract the type of relationships that you want with the people in your life? How would your life change if your relationships were closer, more intimate, less judgmental, more trusting, and more loving? Healthy Body and Lifestyle: What do you want your body to look like? How do you want to feel? What do you want to weigh? Do you want to live a healthy lifestyle? Do you want to live a long life? Do you have exercise goals? Do you want to have healthy eating habits? Finances and Abundance: Do you want to save more money? Do you want to reduce debt? Do you want to increase your income? Do you want to create other sources of income? Do you want to have a new house, car, piano, boat, or other things? Self-Improvement / Awareness: Do you want a better awareness of who you are; why you do the things you do; think, the thoughts, you think about; react in the way you do; judge yourself and others; are highly motivated in some things, but lethargic in others? Do you want to take classes, workshops, seminars? Do you want to finally get the degree, diploma, certificate, or credentials you have been thinking about? Do you want to read more books on subjects for which you have a passion? Hobbies / Entertainment / Fun: What hobbies do you have now that you want to become better at? What hobbies would you like to begin; gardening, chess, painting, reading, collecting (coins, stamps, comic books, cookbooks, etc)? What would you like to do for fun and entertainment: Attend a live performance featuring your favourite bands, fish, or travel? What would you like to learn to do for fun: Ballroom dancing, golf, tennis, play an instrument? What would you like to do just once in your life: Jump out of an airplane, talk in front of a large group? Do you want to travel and experience nature, different cultures and scenery? Passions / Purpose: What are your passions? What is your purpose in life? An easy way to identify this is to look at what you fantasize about or do in your spare time because you want to do it or love to do it. If you have a garden in your back yard and you really enjoy the hard work of maintaining a garden, then that is a passion of yours. If you play tennis, golf or bowl on the weekends, then that is a passion of yours. If you enjoy babysitting your granddaughter, or fixing things around the house, or finding new recipes to cook fun special meals, then that is a passion of yours.
  • 28. 26 Once we get past the belief that we can have only one passion or only one purpose in life, it is easier to see that we have many passions and the only work we have to do is to make time for them, be present while we arc doing them, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Our purpose in life is to live to our potential, experience love and life to the fullest, become aware of whom we are and be true to our soul. Whatever form that takes in your life is right for you.
  • 29. 27 109 East 36th St. Suite 4 Between Park and Lex DrJRyder@aol.com http://www.johnryderphd.com/articles.php Starting at the top, where the star points toward the sky. This I refer to as the SPIRITUAL direction which represents the gift of UNITY. This is where the mystical nature of love resides, it is where you will discover whether there is a real bond between the two of you or not. Unity means that something makes both people feel that they rather be together than apart, they both believe that when they are together they are like "one". Unity is used to describe what happens when people bond and experience the world differently; they are no longer just two individuals but, have become a unit, a pair, a couple. Now they look at the world differently and the world sees them differently as well. This is a social archetype, a religious one, and a legal one when two people get married. We become aware of this notion of being a couple from childhood, hopefully growing up in a "family" ourselves. The concepts of love, family, marriage, romance, happiness exist throughout every aspect of our society, in every culture, across every nation and around the world. The images that these words create are similar regardless where one looks. So why is it so hard to find and build a successful partnership of love and happiness? There are many reasons that make it truly difficult but, no one can claim that it is impossible.
  • 30. 28 Anyone can find UNITY, love and happiness. It would help if you would have a map of how to get there. The STAR holds all the keys you need to find your way. The reason UNITY is at the top is that it is the "lifting" energy for a relationship. It may be true that what attracts two people together is often their physical appearance, some sort of instinctual drive gets engaged but, soon after getting "close" both individuals look at each other and begin to ask more serious questions: "Could I live the rest of my life with that person, do I really love them?" and that starts the mystical inquiry about becoming bonded to the other person. That is when UNITY becomes so important. The best thing two people can find is 'love at first sight' when both feel the excitement of attraction equally. One arm of the STAR refers to NURTURANCE. The meaning of this term is found in how each person takes care of the other with respect to their physical needs, emotional ones as well as the material and spiritual needs. Love awakens this urge for you to either be "maternal" or "paternal" as the case may toward your partner. The key word here is nurturing, sharing responsibilities and helping each other achieve more in life. True love creates a desire in both individuals to support each other through all walks of life. This does not necessarily have to be along traditional lines rather, it often requires that both people seek unique and special ways to make their partner happy, healthy, safe and prosperous. More than anything else if we become aware of our mate's potentials then it is up to us to help them strive for and reach those potentials. Nurturance refers to the direction we push and pull our love in. Everyone needs a push or a pull sometime, especially if it is from your partner. The next arm refers to the aspect of SHARING in the joys and pains of life from the level of the mind, body and spirit. This reflects both individual's ability and desire to look at the world through each others eyes, especially in terms of the past, present and future. The key word is shared vision. This is what makes each partner feel special and valuable to the other. It is one's interest in their opinion, their experience of life that helps you feel whole and satisfied. This aspect is expressed through our curiosity about how our partner sees, hears or feels something. It is not necessary that we share similar views but that both partners have a genuine interest in the other's experience. However, it is important that we share similar dreams and goals for the future. In this manner both partners participate in the construction of the world they live in and this allows for celebration of life and that makes the difficult moments pass by more easily. Then one leg of the star refers to COMPATIBILITY this aspect reveals how many ways two people fit together, first of all in body - how great is their sexual chemistry, then socially, intellectually, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. When two people have really great energy together, they rarely get bored or tired of each other, there is a constant stream of excitement between them. Compatibility refers to this sense of how well two people mix together, especially in making love, that is where we hopefully experience the exhilaration of that instinctual passion for life. Chemistry is physically manifested in love making, this is where the connection can be most concrete. There are many important factors. In general, the appetite and passion are either in synch or not. The questions are "how much sex" does each of you want - need, on a monthly basis; and secondly, does the passion match both partners. If there are big differences in these two aspects, then don't fool yourself thinking that you have great chemistry, it may not really be.
  • 31. 29 The other leg of the star refers to FULFILLMENT which represents the things we do for love's sake that promote a sense achievement within the relationship. In our everyday life we try to master the situation, we want to dominate to overcome but in a relationship it is more often a matter to make the other person happy to please them. The key word here is SURRENDER to your partner with the expectation that it will express your sense of love for them. It is not a matter of compromise, which has its place in the other aspects of the love star, here surrender refers to the complete giving in to the other's needs or desires for the sake of love. When one surrenders it is not always easy but it should be with joy, to fulfil the other partner's deepest needs. This aspect also represents each partner's confidence to rely on one another, to be comfortable depending on each other. With this aspect the relationship is assured the survival through all sorts of difficulties. All together, this represents the love star, and when each of these directions is satisfied among two people then they obviously share a tremendous partnership. If both agree that they fit together, that each aspect is present and fulfilled then they have the necessary ingredients to make their love work and enjoy a lasting relationship. These are rare. Even if one believes that they share every thing with their partner, this means that they have the potential to succeed. A great relationship requires a lot of work and time, something people these days are not always eager to invest enough of. Once these basic qualities are fulfilled then begins a life of passion, joy, adventure, excitement, tranquillity, love and family. Good luck! Counselling can help both partners better appreciate what you can be grateful for and be aware of what is missing. That information is vital to decide what to do, if possible, improve the relationship or if not, work to dissolve it amicably. I have helped many couples resolve their conflicts and find greater happiness. I have also given my support to the couples who determined that they cannot go on and must change their relationship. These are the most sensitive issues and difficult things we must deal with. I have the experience to help you better understand and deal with your relationship. Call my office to discuss your situation to see if you would like to have me help you work on it.
  • 32. 30 Affirmations I am grateful for discovering the best means to reach my dreams and goals. I realize that I am ready to enjoy life to the fullest and find peace of mind. When I focus my attention on positive possibilities I achieve the best solutions. I am glad to be finding ways to improve my physical and emotional well being. I am grateful that I was born with many gifts and talents for me to share. Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities. Every day I celebrate my growing confidence and determination to succeed! When I do worthy things I earn the respect of others and feel good. By utilizing my rational mind together with my intuition I make greater progress. As I express my gratitude, I can envision the goals I am achieving. Moving forward and upward everyday symbolizes the joy of my destiny. I take advantage of every opportunity to realize my true potentials. I am grateful to be inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life. It is great to feel the energy with a clear vision to see the path to my goals. My motivation and determination constantly push me to reach my goals. I am glad my mind has the ability to focus and concentrate on my purpose. It is amazing how powerful my mind is when I work deliberately on my future. I am confident that my life is automatically attracted to what is good for me. Everything I decide to do has an important reason and purpose. I value my time very highly and use every minute effectively. Love is the source of my strength and happiness. Whenever I smile my face lights up with positive energy! My questions always direct me to achieve the most in the long run. Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities. Everyday I take the time to exercise, rest, eat right and cleanse myself. I am glad to attract the most interesting, powerful and caring people into my life! I accept my challenges as great lessons to motivate me to reach my goals. I appreciate the outstanding qualities I was born with. I recognize that I am a unique and very special person! Today I observe my progress in fulfilling my plans and dreams! I am grateful to have been inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.
  • 33. 31 Mastering the Art of Life and the Science of Success! I believe everyone is born with unique talents, gifts, a large variety of personal resources and a smaller number of limitations. Every person has dreams and expectations some of which come true, others never do. How fast and how far you progress in realizing all your potentials depends directly on what you do and how you do it. I have found that it is just as important to have what it takes to succeed as it is to have what it takes to cope with those temporary setbacks we all must endure. Most people are better at one of these than the other. Those who learn to master both these skills (achievement and adaptation) discover that life becomes easier to conquer and cope with. Throughout life, this becomes your quest for fulfilment and the art of living. We already know the proven steps others have used to succeed at the game of life. Whether you must overcome illnesses, bad habits, various personal obstacles or if you want to achieve greater happiness, wealth, creativity, wisdom and harmony in life, there are many things you can do to succeed. Increasing your awareness and understanding of yourself and life prepares you for the most amazing journey. Those individuals who recognize life as an opportunity to learn and experience the fantastic wonders of the world engage in this quest with passion. They discover the power of their mind to escape the primitive instinctual nature that dominates most people with fear or anger and allows them to transform these lower impulses into creative expression of their higher, spiritual nature. Anyone can experience fulfilment and happiness, it is not reserved for just some people, its for everyone. In the larger perspective, I see psychology as both the science and art of working with the mind, body, and spirit of the individual. I do my best to help each individual develop the skills and obtain the knowledge to adapt or achieve. Once you know the science of success, the specific steps you must take to reach your goals, then you must also develop the art of life, relying on your inner wisdom or intuition to help you adapt to life most effectively. These two skills together assure you the greatest fulfilment. Few problems ever go away by themselves although many people are willing to wait a long time thinking they might. I like to suggest that seeking professional help on a problem is intelligent, will get rid of it sooner, and let you get on with life. I enjoy working with people from every walk of life, from the very affluent and powerful to young students struggling. I have clients from nearly every corner of our world and found that the same problems cause stress to us all. Consequently, I have developed my own eclectic approach to teach you how to remove obstacles and promote positive growth. Some people may want to explore their lives and various issues or relationships in greater depth. This can be a very rewarding process. Certain people who wish to journey farther in the psychic sphere may choose to explore past lives or learn how to meditate and reach higher states of consciousness. I know of no limits on the insight and rewards that an individual can attain in the pursuit of knowledge.
  • 34. 32 THE THREE LEVELS OF THINKING THE POWER OF PURPOSE http://www.enotalone.com/article/5958.html by Peter S. Temes, PhD The Power of Purpose begins with a simple but remarkable statement: "The more you focus on helping others, the more you will succeed in reaching your own goals." Peter S. Temes builds on this fundamental insight to share a simple plan for living with the truest and most enduring kind of happiness. At the heart of The Power of Purpose are the "three levels of thinking." At the first level, we ask, Who am I? and What do I want? At the second level, we ask, Who do other people think I am? How do I look to them? But the real magic happens when we hit the third level, forgetting about ourselves and asking the questions that lend a powerful sense of purpose to our lives: How do others look to themselves? How can I help others become the people they want to be? To help us along the way, Temes, who teaches humanities at Columbia University, draws on the wisdom of great thinkers including Aristotle, Søren Kierkegaard, and Abraham Lincoln; the life lessons of great achievers ranging from Mother Teresa to Michael Jordan; and home truths he's gathered from his parents, his grandparents, and his three children. From all these sources and from his own life of great personal accomplishment, Temes identifies the essential knowledge that brings people happiness and success. He cites Aristotle's notion that happiness is not a psychological state but a moral one, resulting from doing good in the world. Temes also believes in the pivotal importance of trust and team-building in every area of life, from the family to the workplace to the street corner. The Power of Purpose is a map for finding the confidence and power, the opportunities and occasions, and — most important — the techniques and strategies for centring your relationships and work on helping others. It is a book with a point of view: the clearest path to your own success and happiness lies in helping others get to where they want to go. Make the leap from asking, "who am I, and what do I want?" to asking that most powerful question of all — "how do others see themselves, and how can I help them feel stronger and more successful?" Games are played in all kinds of places — sports stadiums, backyards, offices, classrooms, kitchens, and dining rooms. But games are won in only one place — in the mind of the winning player. That's why Michael Jordan was consistently better than the tallest player in the National Basketball Association every year he played — having better physical tools to work with was not enough to beat a player like Jordan, thinking at a higher level. That's why some salespeople consistently sell more — of the same stuff to the same people — than the rest of their colleagues. That's why David slew Goliath, and that's why your personal path for your success begins right between your ears. Here's the fact: how we think is the key to how we live. It's the key to your happiness, the key to your personal goodness, and the key to your success.
  • 35. 33 East Versus West in the Pursuit of Happiness One useful model of observation on how people think comes in the classic description of the difference between Eastern thinking and Western thinking. Begin with the observation that unhappiness is the product of unmet desires. Eastern thinking says, change your desires to match what you already have, and you will become happy. Western thinking says, change the world to fit your desires, and you will be happy. If you are unhappy because you live in a tiny house and want a bigger home, the traditional Eastern view would be to change your desire so that you want no more than you already have. The Western view would be to go out and build a bigger house, at almost any cost. There's some wisdom in this model, but the world we live in today is no longer easily divided between East and West; each tradition has drawn on the other for decades now, and the habits and patterns of thinking of each have blended together in important ways. And in my experience, the most successful people have always combined elements of both traditions in their thinking — they embrace the ambition and outward focus of the West as well as the patience and humility of the East. We all know people who are filled with the Western ambition to go out and change the world. Many succeed, at least now and then, by pushing against the forces of the world and reshaping them. But just about all of them also fail now and then — because they come face-to-face with people, ideas, or parts of the physical world that are simply too strong to be moved. And we all know people who are filled with Eastern patience and humility, ready to reshape their own desires to fill the world. At times, this approach to life is powerfully rewarding, with the ups and downs of the external world softened by a philosophical detachment from external things. But how many opportunities to make positive change in the world slip by, how many chances to have a real impact on the world are missed, because of this detachment? But imagine the man or woman who looks at the world and understands, this is when I should push, here is the opportunity to reshape the world in some small way, and knows too when to say, here is when I must step back, here is when my desire has to yield to patience. The real power lies in being able to see both visions — both the ambition of the West and the humility and patience of the East — and being able to employ each when it best suits the challenge at hand. Beyond East and West to the Three Levels of Thinking For the world we live in today, the best model of human thinking I've come across is built of three levels or stages,1 and it draws from the best of both the East and the West. At the first level, the most important question for understanding the world and taking action is How do I feel? or How do I look to myself? Picture a teenager waking up in the morning and saying to his parent, I'm not going to school because I don't feel well. Or the worker leaving a note on her desk right after lunch — Gone home, not feeling well. That's level one. How you feel about yourself is almost all you care about. One level higher, the teen turns to his parent and asks, Do I look as bad as I feel? Or the worker decides not just to leave work, but to go talk with a colleague and say, Wow, I'm not feeling well. In reply, the parent may say, You look fine to me. Or the colleague may say, You should sit down and let me have a look at you. This is the second level, where you progress from asking How do I feel? or How do I look to myself? to How do others feel about me? or How do I look to others?
  • 36. 34 This is a great leap forward — the individual is beginning to realize that other people are important, and that the ways other people see the world are important — but it's not remotely as powerful an outlook as the next level up, the third level. At the third level, the central question is not about how I feel, or about how others feel about me, but about how they feel about themselves. That might seem like a small step forward, but it can't be overestimated. Think about a sales situation — at the first level, the seller is focused on doing a good job on her own terms; at the second level, she's focused on making a good impression on the sales prospect. But at the third level, the salesperson herself might as well be invisible, because she has no interest in looking good, but only in helping the sales prospect look good in his own eyes, and reach his own goals. Or think about that teenager who doesn't want to go to school. The teen wakes up and says "I don't feel well" at level one. At level two, he's able to hear a parent say "you don't look sick to me." But at the third level, he's asking about how other people feel and discovers the best possible motive to get out of bed into the world: "other people are depending on me today." The motive to get up and out is not about what matters to me, but what matters to others. In this is some irony, and some magic. Once you focus on others in this way — as a friend, as a citizen, as a manager, as a colleague — you find that you yourself benefit as much or more than the others you're trying to help. Focusing on the sales prospect's needs instead of your own, you eventually reap the benefits of greater sales — more money, more respect, more confidence. Focusing on getting up out of bed because you understand that you can help others — and what a transforming positive feeling that statement carries with it: I can help others — you find that you become healthier and happier. You help yourself as much as you help others, because your life becomes infused with the purpose of doing good. My grandfather is a wonderful example of this effect. A self-educated man, he worked most of his life in jobs that did not satisfy his intellect or his desire to help others, but in his free time he was devoted to political causes that he thought could improve the lives of many. He was a socialist and an antiwar activist (though a veteran of World War II himself). Although some might argue that the specifics of his plan for improving the world were misguided, his personal sacrifices to help make positive change filled his life with a sense of purpose. I had the strong feeling that well into his late eighties, he continued to wake up in the morning and get out of bed in order to strike a blow against war, injustice, and poverty every day. That kept him healthy and engaged with the world while many others his age slipped out of touch. But my grandfather had a reason to live and to stay strong: he felt he was needed, and that he could help others. A woman I know in New Hampshire has a similar story to tell. She calls herself a community activist, having worked for years to get the local government in her town to provide more services for young families and their children. She's spearheaded drives to create a free day-care centre, to offer medical services for small children, and to give parents a safe and comfortable public place to bring their children when the long New England winter drags on. Sundays, she sets up out front of the local churches with her folding table, raising money and getting signatures on petitions. Weekdays, she sets up in front of schools and the one big food market in her small town. Everyone knows her, and she's got no shortage of critics as well as staunch friends — in small New England towns, there tend to be plenty of sceptics about providing public services, especially if they require tax dollars to be spent. But this energetic woman, a mother of two young children, says she loves her enemies. "Two things that motivate me," she says, "are helping the little boys and girls who need the basics and don't necessarily get them at home, and proving to those folks who don't think
  • 37. 35 we ought to do more that of course we ought to do more. And I say this: thank goodness for those fools who don't want to help! They keep me fighting. If I didn't have such good and proper enemies, how would I know I was on the right track?" She gets a good head of steam going as she talks. Clearly, this is a woman who sees her life as filled with important work. She is a hero in her own eyes — she's got to be strong to help the children in her area, and so she is strong. Cause and effect. Because she asks herself the fundamental level-three questions every day — How are others living? What do they think of as their greatest needs? — she's reaching ambitious goals, making an enormous contribution to the lives of others, and filling her life with high purpose. The Story of Ed and Fred: Tuning in to What Other People Care About Most We all want to be our own heroes, and hear our own stories. If you grasp this truth, you can use it to reach your own goals. A famous story about the advertising business offers another glimpse of the way the three levels of thinking work. Two advertising managers are arguing about the size of the type in an ad they're planning to run in a newspaper. One of them — call him Ed — wants to save money by using smaller size letters in the ad. Smaller letters mean a smaller, less expensive ad overall. The other — call him Fred — says, "You dope, you need big letters to catch people's attention. If we use smaller letters no one will stop and read the ad." Ed says, "Nonsense. If your message is the right message and you say it clearly, everyone will read the ad." Fred's not convinced. Ed proposes a wager: "I'll bet you a thousand dollars I can run an ad in tomorrow's paper that you'll need a magnifying glass to read, and no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to resist reading every last word." Fred smells easy money and takes the bet. The next day, the paper comes out and there on the back page is a block of tiny type. Fred laughs. "OK, pal," he says. "Pay up — I'm not reading it. I couldn't even if I wanted to — the type's too small." "Well, OK, if you really think you won't. But you should know what's in the ad. It's all about you. It's your life story." Try as he might, Fred could not resist, and before the day was over he'd gone out and bought a magnifying glass and read all about himself over and over again. Fred was stuck at the first level of thinking — he was in love with his own story, as most of us are. Ed understood that and used his insight to win the bet and to save money on advertising by writing ads that used insight into the three levels of thinking to save on space. If you have no insight, your voice has to be loud to be heard — and your ads need to be big. But if you have lots of insight, your voice can be quieter and more civil, and your ads can be smaller and less expensive. Ed was at the third level — he understood that other people didn't want to hear about the products he had to sell, or about him as a salesperson, but were consumed by their own concerns about themselves and their own personal struggles. He asked the right level-three questions — How do other people look to themselves? What do they care about most? Ed understood that if he could connect the sale of his products to those personal concerns, his ads would be more effective and he'd sell more.
  • 38. 36 The Story of Marty Edelston: How Second-Level Pride Hobbles the Critics of Successful People This is the story of a successful businessman with no shortage of critics. But his critics were at level one and level two. Marty was at level three. That's why the critics were working for Marty, instead of the other way around. I first heard the story of Ed and Fred from Marty Edelston, the founder of a company called Boardroom, Inc. Boardroom publishes the newsletter Bottom Line/Personal, a title that has at times had more than one million paid subscribers. I first went to work for Marty when I was nineteen, and the experience was tremendous. It was a glimpse into big-time publishing and also a fantastic exposure to a successful entrepreneur just hitting his stride as his company was reaching sales of about $35 million a year. Marty is something of a legend in the publishing business, an idiosyncratic man with an iron grip on all the details of his company, requiring personal approval of every word published in his newsletters and books and signing off directly on just about every dollar spent. Throughout the day, secretaries bring Marty healthy snacks of sliced fruit, which he generally eats in the middle of meetings, with his fingers. One of Marty's great talents is hiring bright and hungry people for key jobs. Many have publishing experience in more traditional firms and some are put off by Marty's highly personal approach and his total control of management at every level in the company.
  • 39. 37 by Rabbi Noah Weinberg The key to happiness is to appreciate what you have. Sounds simple. So why are so many people unhappy? THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS The first thing to understand is happiness is generated by you. Nobody and no thing can make you happy. There is a difference between happiness and a change in your mood. Your mood changes all the time and is situational. How do you make yourself happy? You have to get in touch with the real you. Without really knowing yourself at the deepest level, how can you know what makes you happy? If you have spent your life pleasing others and being less genuine because you fear what others think, then there is some work that needs to be done in the area of self-esteem. When you become real, everything tends to fall in line because you chose to only do what is in alignment with the real you. When you BE who you are, you DO what makes you happy, and you HAVE what you want in your life.
  • 40. 38 Another important ingredient to happiness is being in the moment. This is sometimes easier said than done. It takes practice. It’s easy to get lost in the thoughts about the past regrets, past guilt, or wishing things were right now they way they were then. At the same time, anxieties and fears about the future is no way to live either. All you really have and can feel happy about is this moment right now. Recognize that happiness is a choice you make. It is not an end result. It is part of the process. You don’t achieve happiness because of something. You simply are happy or you don’t. If you haven’t felt happy in awhile, ask yourself, “What am I thinking about?” Be honest. Accept others realities, even if it isn’t true for you. Recognize that it is their opinion. Having this high level of acceptance will make a huge difference in your level of happiness. No one and nothing else can choose how you feel. Discipline yourself to be happy. Do something to lift your spirits each day. You have to raise your own vibration. A young man once came to meet me in Jerusalem. He had an unusually happy disposition, so I asked him what's his secret. He told me: "When I was 11 years old, I received a gift of happiness from God. "I was riding my bicycle when a strong gust of wind blew me onto the ground into the path of an oncoming truck. The truck ran over me and cut off my leg. "As I lay there bleeding, I realized that I might have to live the rest of my life without a leg. How depressing! But then I realized that being depressed won't get my leg back. So I decided right then and there not to waste my life despairing. "When my parents arrived at the hospital they were shocked and grieving. So I told them: 'I've already adapted. Now you also have to get used to this.' "Ever since then, I see my friends getting upset over little things: their bus came late, they got a bad grade on a test, somebody insulted them. But I just enjoy life." Sounds simple, doesn't it? So why are so many people unhappy? At age 11, this young man attained the clarity that it is a waste of energy to focus on what you are missing. And that the key to happiness is to take pleasure in what you have. Sounds simple, doesn't it? So why are so many people unhappy? Happiness Is A State Of Mind Western society commonly perceives happiness as the outcome of what you achieve and acquire. My whole life would improve if I had a new car... I just need a better job and then I can relax and be happy. If only I met the right girl... You get the car and what happens? For a whole week you're walking on air. Then you go right back to being unhappy. Sound familiar?
  • 41. 39 Judaism says: "Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of mind. You can have everything in the world and still be miserable. Or you can have relatively little and feel unbounded joy. "Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has." (Talmud - Pirkei Avot 4:1) Once you master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously enjoying what you already have, then you will always be happy. (c) 2007 Victoria Wizell All Rights Reserved Appreciate What You Have – And Troubles Become Insignificant You are standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State Building, gazing at the cityscape. Suddenly a rather large man brusquely pushes past you, wrenches the window open and announces his intention to jump. You yell out: "Stop! Don't do it!" The six-foot-five figure perched by the window turns to you and menacingly says, "Try to stop me and I'll take you with me!" "Umm... No problem, sir. Have a safe trip. Any last words?" He says, "Let me tell you my troubles. My wife left me, my kids won't talk to me, I lost my job and my pet turtle died. So why should I go on living?" Suddenly you have a flash of inspiration. "Sir, close your eyes for a minute and imagine that you are blind. No colours, no sights of children playing, no fields of flowers, no sunset. Now imagine that suddenly there's a miracle. You open your eyes and your vision is restored! Are you going to jump - or will you stick around for a week to enjoy the sights?" "I'll stay for a week." "But what happened to all the troubles?" "Ah, I guess they're not so bad. I can see!" An eyeball is worth at least five million dollars. You have two of them? You're rich. If you really appreciate your eyesight, then the other miseries are nothing. Yet if you take it all for granted, then nothing in life will ever truly give you joy. Misconceptions On The Road To Happiness Misconception #1: "Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work like magic." Don't expect the results to come automatically. It is possible to intellectually understand how to attain happiness, yet not put it into practice. In fact, many people might actually prefer to be comfortable and unhappy, rather than endure the discomfort of changing their habits. Just as learning any new skill requires effort, you have to be willing to invest serious effort to achieve real happiness.
  • 42. 40 Misconception #2: "If I become content and satisfied with what I have, I'll lose my motivation to achieve more." Happiness doesn't drain your energy. It adds more! Ask a happy person: "I have a boat. Do you want to go fishing?" He'll say: "Great! Let's go!" Now ask someone who is depressed: "C'mon, let's go fishing!" He says, "I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow. And anyway, it might rain..." Happy people are energetic and ambitious. There's never enough time to do everything they want to do. Misconception #3: Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that's my own prerogative A beautiful Sunday afternoon. You're at the park having a picnic with your friends. Suddenly the air is pierced by one person complaining: "Who forgot the forks? It's too hot for volleyball. I want to go home already."> You have an obligation to be happy when your mood is negatively affecting others. Don't spoil the fun. We all try to put on a happy face when we're at a party. But what about when we are at home, with our kids? Or when we trudge into the office on Monday morning? Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public menace. Being happy is part of being considerate to the people around us. The Daily Pleasure Count To begin appreciating life, pinpoint some things you are extremely grateful for and count them every morning for one month, e.g.: your eyes, your hands, your children, your cat. Set a time each day to contemplate these pleasures. Feel gratitude for them. This exercise can change the mood of even the most miserable amongst us: The next time you visit your aunt (the one who loves to complain), tell her very respectfully: "Auntie, I came here to suffer with you today. But before we suffer, it is only fair that you also share with me five pleasures that you had today." "I had no pleasures." "Auntie, did you have coffee for breakfast?" "Yes." Don't let her off the hook with this perfunctory answer. Make her share the pleasure. "Was it sweet? Warm? Did the aroma linger? Did it give you energy?" (She'll comply because she wants her turn to complain...) "Okay, it was sweet and it was nice."
  • 43. 41 "Great Auntie! Now four more!" "I didn't have any more." "Did you wash your face? Was it pleasant? Warm? Refreshing?" Relive it with her. Then another one. After she describes five pleasures, her complaints won't be nearly as bad. To really work at this, sit down with your spouse (or roommate) every evening and discuss one pleasure that each of you had that day. At the very least, you'll have a happier spouse or roommate! Incorporate this into your family routine so that your children also learn to appreciate their daily pleasures. The One Hour Blessing Fest The next exercise is more sophisticated. Spend one hour writing down everything for which you are grateful. Most people fly through the first 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes the pen moves more slowly. The next 15 minutes get even tougher, but you can pull through if you include your eyebrows and socks... The last 15 minutes are excruciating. Once the list is compiled, add one new blessing each day. The power of this exercise is clear: You must be conscious of all your blessings, in order to appreciate whatever new blessings come your way. Prioritise Your Blessings To really hone your skills and become an expert at appreciation, prioritize your list. Which is more valuable - your hands or your feet? Eyes or ears? Sense of taste or your sense of touch? Comparing each pleasure forces you to qualify the various subtle aspects of each pleasure. And to quantify how much each respective pleasure gives you. Follow this course and work at it daily. Your gratitude will continue to grow, building a solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness.
  • 44. 42 TO BE HAPPY IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE The purpose of life is simply happiness. The feeling of happiness is what it feels like to be perfectly human. To be alive and human without believing or experiencing the problems, doubts and fears that we usually pay so much attention to. It is in our moments of happiness that we can access our full capabilities. When we doubt or fear we are limiting our capabilities. Life, energy or whatever term you wish to call it comes to us and flows through us continually. We are not the closed off, fixed beings that we think ourselves to be. We are, at the subatomic level, a continually changing, flowing of energy. Every time that you dust your house, you see parts of what was your skin yesterday. Now it has left you and begun to be recycled for another use. Tomorrow the particles that currently make up that hated wrinkle, will be dust around your house. Continually energy flows through you and is guided into form, by the information in; • your DNA, • your emotions, • your thoughts. This energy is limitless in potential. However the amount that you receive is limited by your openness. The energy comes into you through your own funnel. Your funnel is determined by your emotional state. If you make your funnel tight and narrow, meaning you are down or fearful, you will experience; • little energy, • little motivation, • little capability, • little happiness. If your funnel is wide and expansive, you will be happy. And you'll have all the energy, capabilities and motivation to fulfil your vision. It is in our most joyful moments that we are able to care about others. It is then that we have the energy, motivation and strength to turn our dreams into reality. The best thing we can do; • for ourselves • for others, • for the world is to be happy. Our joy spreads out to others and helps them to be happy. If you have a toothache, the aching tooth dominates your thoughts. In the same way, when you are unhappy, your misery dominates your thoughts. When you are happy, your mind is clear to think and care of others. So paradoxically, to be happy is the most altruistic and generous thing that you can do.
  • 45. 43 THE DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS TO LIVE BY A clear definition of happiness is very difficult to find for such a common term. When I have asked others for a definition of happiness the most general response is a feeling of contentment. As a result of this, many people, perhaps subconsciously, tend to be a little wary of happiness. Happiness seems to be a selfish goal. This definition brings to mind an image of happy people lying around all day. Therefore people sometimes think that they would cease to be productive members of society, that they would stop caring about others. In truth nothing could be further from the truth. You cannot help others, you cannot be truly productive and useful unless you are happy. And you cannot be truly happy, unless you are productive, useful and helping others. happiness covers three main elements. Feeling good - Pleasure or a feeling of peace or contentment. Thoughts - Looking back over your life and being generally satisfied with what has passed and what has yet to pass. Not feeling bad - Feeling bad obviously detracts from happiness. Obviously these elements are part of happiness. However I think that these definitions of happiness are missing the point. Here's why. Let’s use the ageing of our bodies as an analogy of how we create unhappiness. Ageing is a little like the rusting of a car. It is a gradual wearing down that leads to cellular degeneration, which we observe as ageing. Every year 99% of our cells are renewed. Every seven years we have a completely new body. If the new cells were exactly the same as the previous cells we would never age. However because the body is under continual attack the cells begin to mutate. The attacks come from: - Pollutants in the atmosphere. - Lack of nutrients in our food. - Inefficiencies in our bodily systems for example lack of exercise or illness. - Biochemical effects of emotions such as anger and anxiety.
  • 46. 44 As a result of these attacks the blueprint, or design, from which new cells are made becomes slightly distorted. So the new cells develop to be slightly different to the original design for the body. In effect then the new body is alien to the original DNA blueprint. So ageing occurs when the body begins to live according to a different design to that which is natural for it. In the short term, we become sick when something alien to us, such as a disease, invades our body. Many of the symptoms of a disease are the side effects of our body working to protect us. For example, we experience a temperature as our immune system mobilizes to attack the invader. The temperature is not caused by the disease, but by our body’s reaction to the disease. Happiness is the emotional aspect of health. We become unhappy when we take on something that is alien to us. When we say something, or act in a way, that is not really true to us we become unhappy. We experience unhappiness in a number of ways. Sometimes it is anger or frustration, other times it is anxiety. All are the emotional equivalent of a disease or illness. Our emotions are not caused by events that happen to us, but by our reaction to the events that happen to us. Our happiness and emotional health comes under attack whenever we think, speak or act something that is not really true to our natural design. Just as with our physical health, we are continually attacked by many ‘invading aliens’. These include; The pressure to conform to Society’s, groups and organizational rules. Expectations of ourselves, and others, to live up to certain standards. Fitting into pre-designed roles, which restrict, confine and limit our expression of our true individuality. My definition of happiness is a natural outcome of being yourself. It is having complete integrity. Everything that you think, matches with what you say, which matches with what you do. - Inside every Singer is a song that has to be sung. Inside every Poet is a poem that must be written. Inside every Painter is a painting that must be painted. Inside every Entrepreneur is an enterprise that must be started. Inside every Social Campaigner is an ill that must be righted. Inside every Administrator is an inefficiency that must be organized. Inside every One is something that must be created, fixed or improved.
  • 47. 45 THE THREE WAYS TO HAPPINESS I have read many books offering ways to happiness. These can be categorized in three main ways. Happiness By Description: The first of the ways to happiness The first way is what I call the Mystic or Poetic group. These are personal accounts of people who have reached a state of blissful happiness. They then try to explain what they have experienced... and how they have reached that stage. This leads to a poetic or mystical description that seems to its readers to be impossible or unrealistic to reach. The problem is that the gap between the reader and the author is so great that they cannot relate to one another's experience. The Author tries to describe how he or she reached this state. Their way to happiness. However what worked for the Author, is not what will necessarily work for the Reader. Happiness By Prescription: The second of the ways to happiness The second of the ways to happiness is what I call the theory or formula route. In this way someone or some group has a theory or formula that they believe leads to happiness for each of us. Every religion or philosophy is based on a theory or formula, of the best or only way to happiness. It may be happiness in another life or world... but none the less it is happiness. All of these believe that there are certain rules or behaviours that must be observed and kept before you can be happy. The major flaw with this, is that the theory or formula can be believed so deeply, that believers try to thrust their own beliefs onto others. The most destructive acts in our history have come about because of this theory or formula approach. Nazi Germany's attempt to impose an Aryan race was their formula for happiness. Many tribes, such as Native Americans and Aboriginals, have found their way of life taken away from them. All in the name of technological progress or civilization. Which is the invader's name for their formula to happiness. Happiness by Observation: The third of the ways to happiness The third of the ways to happiness is to study happy people and look for what is different from unhappy people. Then they say this is what makes people happy. This tends to be a lot by academics and other observers or researchers. The problem with this is that the personality traits and behaviours displayed by happy people, may be the result of happiness... not what has caused it. The fact of being happy may lead to that personality trait or behaviour.
  • 48. 46 We can also see this approach used in business. When a business, or an individual, is successful, they are analyzed and observed for clues to their success. Then hundreds of writers spew out articles, reports and books advocating some new fad. However what works for one business, worked because it fitted in with; - their strategy, - their employees, - their marketplace and all the other elements. Along come thousands of other businesses in entirely different situations copying someone else's tactics and then getting frustrated when they do not get the same results. There are no ways to happiness... And yet every route can be a path to happiness. Happiness is a choice in every instant. If you follow any of anyone else's ways to happiness, you will always be settling for less happiness than you could experience. Happiness is a unique experience that must be reached in a unique way. This doesn't mean that you can't learn from the experience of others. However when a choice has to be made between your path, your choice and that of another, always choose your way. To Be Or Not To Be Happy Is A Choice Being happy is really a choice we make, but it doesn't always seem to be that straightforward. In each of our lives there are two worlds. One leads to a happy life... and the other to a life of frustration, despair and misery. These two worlds are the inner world and the outer world. The inner world is made up of our thoughts, and feelings. The outer world is made of all the things that we can see, hear, touch, smell and taste. The outer world is the manifestation of your inner world. Everything in the outer world is only a symbol representing something in your inner world. So when we say that we want more money. What we really mean is that we want to create the feeling of being free to buy whatever we like, or to get rid of the feeling of worry connected to money? Ceci N’est Pas Une Pipe Think of your life as a film. The drama, excitement and stories unfurl before your eyes on the screen. Just as the drama, excitement and events in your life unfold in the outer world. The screen however is only where the projection from the projector or video or DVD is displayed. Just as everything in your life is created from your thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
  • 49. 47 If the wrong film were playing on the screen you would not start trying to make changes to the screen. It’s clear to you that the source of the film is not the screen. You would change the video or DVD. Yet in life we continually try to change the outer world. When we feel insecure we try to make more money, build new relationships or buy insurance to make ourselves feel safer. When we feel unhappy we try to buy new things, change things around or move to be around new things or new people. This rarely works for long because our feelings are created, not by things around us, but by thoughts... our perception of what is happening around us. Our feelings are from our inner world and things are from our outer world. The link is indirect... and so the outer world is an indirect, slow and complex way of changing how we feel. The solution to achieving a happy life as with many solutions is so simple that we cannot understand or believe it. We are always searching for the high tech, the complex and impressive solutions, but ignore the simple truth. Happiness comes from feelings, not from things we buy to make us happy. We have become so ingrained in seeking happiness indirectly that we do not always understand the difference between being happy for the short-term and long term. Don't Worry - Be Happy And Control Your Destiny Don't worry be happy. This sounds such a simplistic phrase, but there is great power and wisdom in it. Worry blocks our thinking, narrows our options and limits us. Being happy increases our creativity and problem solving skills. It increases our energy, motivation and our abilities. Don’t worry, be happy tells us to focus on what we want rather than what we don’t want. When we focus on what we want our actions take us nearer to our goals. When we focus on what we don’t want we move away from what we don’t want. But not necessarily in the direction that we want to go in. Out of the fire and into the frying pan.
  • 50. 48 HAPPY PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE LUCK Happy people get far less attention than unhappy people. There is a mountain of research on depression and the many other thousands of ways that Psychology has categorized our misery. Only recently has the focus begun to turn to happiness. There are a number of benefits to being joyful. Research indicates that happy people seem to; 1. Have a stronger immune system and therefore better health 2. Live longer. 3. Be more creative. 4. Be more co-operative. 5. Be more productive. 6. Be more successful in their careers. 7. Be liked more. 8. Be judged as more attractive. 9. Be more successful in relationships. 10. Be better equipped to cope with adverse situations. 11. Have a higher self-esteem. 12. Believe they have more control over their lives. 13. Be more optimistic. Beyond these research findings there may be other unproven benefits to being happy. I believe that it is happiness that gives us the fuel and the ability to do whatever it is that we want to do. We can want to do something. But when we want, while we are feeling low or powerless we cannot achieve anything. Emotional pain is like physical pain in the sense that it keeps directing our attention onto the thing that causes us pain. We become like a car stuck in mud. The more that we think, the more that we act all only serves to dig ourselves into a deeper rut. The deeper into the rut we get, the more helpless we become. Happy people are able to stay above any dips in the road. From this point we are able to see alternative paths and options. This gives us the power and ability to change our reality.
  • 51. 49 HOW TO BE HAPPY NOW You can feel happiness, this very minute, if you so choose. When we talk of wanting to be happy, we are generally feeling sad or down. Whatever emotions or feelings you are experiencing at this moment in time is dependent on your thoughts. Every emotional state is created by a hormonal and biochemical mix. To be happy is merely a chemical mix. If you have a great deal of serotonin pumping around your system you will probably feel sleepy. So to be happy now requires you either to pay attention to something else or to perceive what you are paying attention to differently. Most people forget these options and try to go straight into changing their mood by changing the chemical status of their body. Perhaps they will take drugs, or maybe they will eat some chocolate or drink a coffee. If you want to change your mood instantly use this simple exercise. Notice exactly what you are thinking and paying attention to. If the feelings you have are not enjoyable you are perhaps worrying about something, frustrated, angry or sad. Draw a box in the air in front of you. Bring to mind all the things that you do not want and put them into the box. Now draw another box next to your first. Into this box put all the things that you do want. Most people have trouble with this. They generally start to say things like “ I want to not be so tired” or “I want to not have to worry about..” These are things that you don’t want. Reverse the things you don’t want. For example, “I am feeling healthy, strong and happy now” “I am excited about…” Now you have a clear choice of where to focus your attention between what you do want and what you don’t want. If you continue to focus all your energy and attention on what you do want you’ll soon find yourself with all the energy, motivation you need… and you’ll be happy now.
  • 52. 50 THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS Seeking happiness is not a luxury or a privilege. It is your attempt to give to the world. It is not self-indulgent or selfish. It is the noblest choice you can make. However it is a mistake. Here’s why. The very phrase, the pursuit of happiness is based on a misunderstanding of happiness. Happiness is not a thing that can be pursued, chased or won. It can only be chosen. And it can only be chosen by the individual who would experience it. There is nothing you can do, buy or say that will give lasting happiness to another. The best that you can do is demonstrate happiness through your own life. This shows others that genuine happiness can be chosen. And in their own time they may choose it also. The pursuit of happiness is based on an assumption that there is an ideal that we need to match up to before being happy. Because of this faulty assumption, many people chase after things and experiences they believe will make them happier. Yet in truth there are no entry requirements to be happy. You do not need; • any educational requirements, • any status or income levels, • anything other than the pure intention and choice to be happy. This is why all the world engages in the pursuit of happiness, yet few achieve more than fleeting glances at it. All the things that we want, whether it is a great fortune or saintliness. Are all motivated, at their source by one thing: The desire for happiness. Even those who shun happiness, such as ascetics, do so in the pursuit of happiness. Just a different definition of happiness... and a different timescale.
  • 53. 51 AUTHENTIC HAPPINESS OR TEMPORARY HAPPINESS? Authentic happiness is not what most people talk of, when they talk about being happy. True happiness is a state where you know that you will be happy tomorrow… next week… and next year. You know you will be happy if the sun shines tomorrow… or if it rains. Authentic happiness does not depend on anything happening… or not happening. Authentic happiness is a way of living that is in tune with your natural physical and emotional design. It is the buzz of being in control of your life and of sharing all that you are with the world. It is like the smooth hum of a luxury car running perfectly. Most people talk of happiness when they are not happy. When we are happy our mind is not on how we are feeling, but is absorbed in something exciting. In our moments of deepest happiness we are not even aware of thinking. We speak of happiness from a longing to be happy. Therefore happiness is spoken about in the way that someone drowning would clamour about for a lifeline. We speak of happiness when we are sick of misery. We speak of being happy when we are desperate to get rid of the pain of emptiness and frustration. This is why we grab at anything that seems to be easy for us to reach. We reach out to be happier from an emotional state that doesn’t believe anything more than temporary relief is possible. So we settle for a short-term fix. Our attempts at creating authentic happiness are like our attempts at being healthy. We all want to be healthy. But we never think about being healthy, until we experience ill health. We never concern ourselves with keeping our body in its best possible working order. But when we get sick or experience pain, we crave health. And from the desperation to avoid pain, we will take a painkiller. The pain killer doesn’t make us healthy. In fact many would argue that introducing the painkiller may lead to imbalances in the body…which may lead to further health problems. But it does take away our pain. When our pain is gone do we concern ourselves with ensuring our health is the best it can be? No. For most of us we forget about our health… until we get another reminder. We follow this same pattern for happiness… And this is why few reach authentic happiness. We forever chase the instant and easy cure rather than the effective and lasting solution.
  • 54. 52 We choose the thirty second sound bite over the deeper insight contained in the longer article. We choose another’s suggestions rather than making the effort to find our own solutions. We choose the comfort of conformity over the bravery of authenticity. At times we try to lessen our pain and emptiness... By; • drinking • taking drugs • keeping busy • shopping • or otherwise distracting ourselves, we are taking the emotional equivalent of a painkiller. That is not to say that painkillers do not have their place. Everything has a place in the world. But their place is not to create health. Authentic happiness can never be bought, given or copied. It can only be chosen. Choose To Be Happy And You Will Be The responsibility for being happy is up to you because no one or nothing else can be accountable for your actions. Being responsible for your attitude towards yourself and the world is the main ingredient for being happy. Almost everyone has heard the hit single ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone. Bobby McFerrin’s simple message surely made an impression on a lot of people by telling them not to worry. Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke. One of the better things ever said is - ‘The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change’, and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change. Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, accept people for whom or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along with people better. Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also healthier. To be happy is relatively easy; just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.
  • 55. 53 There are several ways by which you can do this. Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your clothes. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mail, thank the policeman for making your community safe and thank God for being alive. News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can’t start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do. A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace. Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire. Laugh and laugh heartily everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -’Laughter is the best medicine’. Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone. Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us; they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time. Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons, and could also give us more opportunities in the future. Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.
  • 56. 54 10 CRITICAL CLUES FOR SUCCESS I don't need to be a gypsy fortune teller to tell your fortune. I can tell with a 95% certainty whether or not a person is (or is going to be) successful. All I need is 20 minutes of conversation or a few email interactions and I know. It is easy to do. You can do it too. Yes! You can actually predict whether or not someone will have the success they say they want. Better yet, you can tell if you are going to be a success OR not. The best part about checking to see if you will be a success is that you don't have to 'beat around the bush' in a conversation to discover the clues, as you would normally have to do with another person. The worst part about checking in with yourself is that you will run up against an outright liar. Yes, you will attempt to deceive yourself. Now that you are forewarned about that, you can watch out for your attempts to obscure (or divert yourself from) the truth about yourself. So, if you want to predict the future of anyone, including yourself, here are the ten most critical clues that you will need to uncover and clarify: 1- Attitude 2- Intention 3- Purpose 4- Passion 5- Plan 6- Resolve 7- Responsibility 8- Words 9- Actions 10-Peers. Let's take a closer look at each. Attitude: There is a winner's attitude and there is a loser's attitude. Most people have a mix of the two. A winner's attitude is characterized by high self-esteem, a positive outlook on life, a general feeling of gratitude, a sense of great personal destiny, a willingness to learn and the will to do what is necessary. Losers have poor self-esteem, a negative (they say realistic) outlook on life, a general feeling of resentment about the trials and tribulations of life, a sense of impending negative fate, a stubbornness about what they 'know', and lousy will-power or self-discipline. Intention: As a general rule, things done with intent, produce intended results and things done without specific intent produce unintended results. It is my experience that most people think, say and do most things in life without any conscious and specific intent. I like to ask people (and especially myself) the following clarifying questions:
  • 57. 55 What is your intent in holding that belief? What is your intent in thinking that way? What is your intent in doing what you do? Most can't answer. Winners can. More importantly, winners are always asking themselves, "what is my intended result for this chosen action, thought or way of being?". Purpose: This is so simple it is almost ludicrous... a life without a defined and stated purpose is a life of no purpose and no meaning. Winners have a purpose. Losers do not. Winners live a life of purpose and 'on purpose'. Losers live accidentally; victims of circumstance instead of creators of circumstance. The sooner you write down the succinct and true purpose of your life, the sooner you will discover success, happiness and personal fulfilment. Important caveat: your purpose does not have to be altruistic or measure up to anyone's standards except your own. It can be entirely selfish. Passion: Passion is that fuel that drives you. Passion is also what attracts to you the people and resources that you need to achieve your success. Passion is magnetic. Desire is the metaphysical equivalent of gravity. It draws to you the elements that you need to succeed. Passionate people attract followers and supporters. Winners are passionate! ! ! ! ! Plan: You've heard before. You've read it many times. Every personal empowerment teacher says it... You must have specific and written goals and a step-by-step plan to enact those goals. Every business needs a business plan. Your life needs a plan. You must create it. As Ben Franklin pointed out, "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Winners have a game plan. Losers are spectators and armchair quarterbacks. Do you have written goals? Do you have a specific game plan? Resolve: It is persistence that creates winners. It takes resolve to reach the top. There will be obstacles in your path and impediments to your success. Losers allow themselves to be defeated by these barriers. Winners use them to build up strength and/or to learn a better way to do something. I see it all the time... people quit just before the finish line. They lose focus and direction. Winners persist. Losers desist.
  • 58. 56 Responsibility: Ask yourself this question, "Why don't I have all the prosperity, happiness, success and fulfilment that I desire?" If you blame any condition, circumstance, event, person or external thing, then you are a loser. Winners accept responsibility. Losers assess blame. Step up to the plate and accept responsibility for your life and you will become the winner that you desire to be in your secret heartfelt moments. The wonderful part about accepting responsibility for your failures is that you also get to accept responsibility for your successes. You don't have to say that you were lucky or blessed or had the right breaks... you can say, "I did this." Words: The words you speak and the way you speak them tell a lot about you. They tell the world what you believe, what you think, where you have been, who you hang around with and where you are likely to end up. Below average people talk about other people; average people talk about events and circumstances. above average people (winners) talk about ideas and ideals (especially their own). Winners say what they mean and mean what they say. Losers say what they think will please others or repeat what they have been told. Actions: And yes, actions speak louder than words. The things you do are a reflection of your character. Most people tend to do what most others do, in some sort of wilful ignorance of the plain fact that most people live mediocre lives and never achieve the success they had idealized for themselves. Actions produces results. If you want uncommon results, you must undertake to act uncommonly on purpose, with intent, with responsibility, with persistence, with resolve, with passion and according to your plan. Do what you love. Do what you will. Peers: Birds of a feather do flock together. If you want to be a winner, hang out with winners. Create your own 'mastermind group'. Try to be involved with people who are smarter than you, more successful than you, have greater aspirations than you. If you can't do it in person, read their books or read their biographies or visit their websites. Losers like to hang around with other losers, not just because misery loves company, but because their self-esteem is not threatened by comparison to their peers. If you can find the way to love
  • 59. 57 yourself enough to always have a high level of self-esteem, then you won't need to compare yourself to others. Winners believe in themselves. Losers believe in the world around them. So now you know my secret to be able to predict the future. All I need to know about a person is: 1- Who they hang around with, 2- What they do day-to-day, 3- The way they speak and what they say, 4- Whether or not they assume responsibility or assess blame, 5- Whether or not they have the resolve (the stick-to-it-tive-ness) to overcome obstacles, 6- If they have a plan to live by, 7- A passion for life and their plans, 8- A self-designed purpose to live for, 9- If they act intentionally or in reaction, and, 10- What their overall attitude is to life and their part in it. Now that you know, you don't need me, or some gypsy tea leaf reader, to predict your future. The GREAT good news is that, if you discover, through this self-analysis, that you do not have these 10 necessary characteristics of winners, you can change the way you are and the things you do. So there it is... your destiny is yours, by design or by default. It is up to you. © Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide. Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra's DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com. Reprinting and republishing of this article is granted only with the above credit included. Permission to reprint or republish does not waive any copyright. Richard Gorham is the founder and President of Leadership-Tools, Inc. His web site, http://www.leadership-tools.com is dedicated to providing free tools and resources for today's aspiring leaders. Offering high-quality tools in the areas of Business Planning, Leadership Development, Customer Service, Sales Management and Team Building.
  • 60. 58 SUCCESS - TEN WINNING TRAITS! No surprise - winning traits are common among high achievers. Are you tired of schlepping to the beat of someone else's drum? Does the idea of being your own boss appeal to you? Are you entrepreneur material? There are ten common traits among winners and the most successful entrepreneurs. Ten Winning Traites! 1. An Eye For Opportunity: Many entrepreneurs start by identifying a common need and using some basic elbow grease and imagination to deliver a solution. 2. Independence: Even though most entrepreneurs know how to work within a framework for the sake of profits, they enjoy being their own boss. 3. An Appetite For Hard Work: Most entrepreneurs start out working long, hard hours with little pay. They are driven by their vision so "hard work" to them is also just a matter of doing what they love and following their dream. 4. Self-Confidence: Entrepreneurs must demonstrate the winning trait of self-confidence in order to cope with all the risks of operating their own business. They are empowered with the knowledge that each barrier is placed in front of them for the purpose finding a way to knock it down and move forward. 5. Discipline: Successful entrepreneurs resist the temptation to do what is unimportant or the easiest but have the ability to think through to what is the most essential. 6. Judgment: Successful entrepreneurs have the ability to think quickly and make a wise decision. They possess the common sense and good judgement of asking others opinions, but after gathering all available information, they make their own decision. 7. Ability To Accept Change: Change occurs frequently when you own your own business. This is one of the most important traits as it provides freedom to the entrepreneur who thrives on change - they understand that change is opens the door to new opportunity and growth. 8. Makes Stress Work For Them: On the roller coaster to business success the entrepreneur often copes by focusing on the end result and not so much the process of getting there. To be sure, this is one of the more difficult but necessary winning traits. 9. Need To Achieve: Although they keep an "eye" on profits, this is often secondary to the drive toward personal success. 10. Focus On Profits: Successful entrepreneurs always have the profit margin in sight. They know that their business success is measured by profits and their business survival is dependent on good cash flow. How many of our ten winning traits do you possess? Do you belong to this entrepreneurial profile or would you rather maintain a more regular 9 to 5 job, pick up your pay check every other week and leave the headaches to someone else? Most people, quite easily, choose the latter. They do NOT possess the winning traits of entrepreneurs.
  • 61. 59 12 ELEMENTS OF SUCCESS There are twelve necessary elements involved in achieving success: 1. Spend daily time in reflection, contemplation, meditation, stillness and silence. Ground yourself in self-awareness. Since all that exists arises out of the infinite, you should get intimate with the infinite so you can have what you want. Meditation connects you the greater aspects of your self and also to the divine. Learn to meditate and then develop the discipline to do it daily; make it a habit, like brushing your teeth. Contemplation of one's own internal self and of the external world will lead to wisdom. 2. Gain control of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. Stop allowing your self to get yanked around by other people, by your culture, by events or circumstances. You are you. You own your self. Take control. Think what you want. Feel how you want. Believe what you decide is best for you. Create you own ideals. Define your own purpose. Then, live that purpose. 3. Develop a strong self-image. Learn to love yourself. Get to know yourself. You are an exceptional individual. You are unique in the whole universe. You are special. You are sacred. Know who you are and then, love who you are. Self-love is not egocentrism; it is simply the acknowledgement of your sacredness. 4. Think for yourself. Opt out of mass consciousness. Utilize your creative imagination. Look around you. If you want to be average, to be the norm, then think like everyone else. If you want more out of life, then learn to think for yourself. Don't allow your culture to become your cult. Program your self. 5. Set your goals. Create your own game plan. WRITE IT DOWN. Write down your goals. Define them. Affirm them. If you fail to make a plan, then you might as well plan to fail. Let's take a look at some research two university studies about written goals. The results will astound you and, hopefully, convince you to begin now to write down your own goals. In 1984, a follow up study was done on the Harvard Business School graduating class of 1964. All members of the class stated that they had had, at graduation, clear goals to accomplish in life.
  • 62. 60 Only 5% of the 1964 class had taken the time to write down their goals. 95% of this group had achieved those written goals 20 years later. Of the 95% who did not bother to write down their goals in 1964, only 5% had achieved their expected goals. Even Harvard graduates only succeed when they plan to succeed and then commit their plans to writing. The Harvard study was preceded by an earlier study done by Yale University. This study found that only 3% of the 1953 graduating class had written goals. Twenty years later, in 1973, this 3% of the Yale graduates had accomplished more than the other 97% combined. Set your ideals, clarify your goals and then write them down. Carry them with you. Refer to them often. Map your progress. Plan to succeed. 6. Do what needs to be done. Develop self-discipline. Become your own disciple. Don't allow yourself to become distracted or to become too lazy to do what is necessary to achieve your goal. Develop the discipline to be what you need to be, do what you need to do in order to have what you want to have. 7. Be of service. Think win/win. Find a way to create success or happiness for others. People succeed by giving others what they want. 'Find a need or want and then fill it' is an old truism of business. Examine your own ideals. Are there others who hold the same desires? Find a way to give others what is in tune with your shared ideals and you will prosper. 8. Educate yourself, then use, apply what you know. Applied knowledge is power. Get wise. Apply what you learn to your life. Many people know the secrets of happiness and success but don't apply them and are confused by the lack of harmony in their lives. 9. Be visionary. Think ahead. Use the past. Live in the moment. Create the future. Use your imagination. Become a visionary. Turn off your television and turn on your inner vision. Learn from others' successes. Learn from others' failures.
  • 63. 61 Everything you see was created in the past. Use the past but don't let it use you. Live fully in this present moment. Imagine your ideal future. Make it real. 10. Use your time wisely. Live a balanced life. Be, do, have. Remember to take time to play. It encourages both halves of your brain to function so that your mind can inhabit and function in a bigger space. Plan, rehearse and then execute. Don't just spend all your time doing, without first being. Frenetic activity is the sign of those who choose to work hard instead of smart. It is those who spend as much time being and thinking as doing, those for whom 'work is play' that succeed. 11. Speak your truth. Live your word. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Above average people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and below average people talk about other people. Talk about your truth, your ideals, what you desire to see manifest. Don't spend too much time talking about what is already manifest, what already exists. That just makes you average. Allow other people to live their lives. Don't waste your time talking about them. You may be advised not to talk about yourself. Don't listen. It is bad advice. Speak always, first and foremost, your own truth. Otherwise, you'll end up living somebody else's. 12. Enjoy the journey. Be here now. Be in the present moment. Be a spiritual being. Happiness does not come tomorrow with the rising of the sun. It is only available now in each present moment. Slow down enough to enjoy this moment and each that follow will bring their own reward. Be grateful for all that you have right here, right now. You will end up having more to be grateful for in the next moment. Develop that attitude of gratitude. © Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide. Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra's DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com.
  • 64. 62 HOW TO REALIZE YOUR WILDEST DREAMS According to Bill Gates there are 3 keys to success in any new venture: 1) Being in the right place at the right time. (You could well be already there!) 2) Have a vision of where the industry/business you're working in is going! 3) Taking Massive and Immediate Action! (It is time to act!) "The future belongs to those who believe in the quality of their dreams." Was it Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, the famous German poet and philosopher who said those wise words? Here are my 15 steps to fulfilling my wildest dreams... 1. KNOW YOURSELF. Know and accept your weaknesses and faults (we all have them), but even more so your strengths, abilities and gifts. Build on your strengths and try to minimize or improve on your weaknesses. An honest, objective analysis of yourself is the first step in preparing you for success and realizing your dreams. Celebrate you for just being you, a unique creation. Aim for mental clarity about what you most want out of life. Think about it and write it down. If it's happiness, what do you mean by happiness: a sense of belonging, recognition, independence, love, money or security? If you don't know where you are and where you want to go with your life, how will you ever get there? Aim at nothing and you're sure to hit it. 2. GET PASSIONATE. Don't apologize for getting passionate. What excites you the most? If you are not enthusiastic and excited about what you're doing, your path in life, you'll never get others to share your dream. Once you find your passion, you will have found your POWER, MEANING and PURPOSE in life. 3. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PASSION. Always be aware. Negative people will poison your dream faster than anything else. Motto: "If you can't be positive, shut up!" Try and stay positive...even in the face of negativity. 4. ACCEPT FROM THE START THAT YOU WON'T PLEASE EVERYONE. You're going to be misunderstood, misquoted, hurt some feelings, perhaps even lose some friends (for the time being). Motto: "What other people think of me is none of my business!" Repeat this statement to yourself, especially when you doubt or feel discouraged. 5. ALWAYS BE YOURSELF. To thine own self be true. (Shakespeare's "Hamlet", act I.3.) This is supremely important, no matter what the world may think of you. The masses are conditioned to mediocrity and other people's success can make them not feel inferior for their own insignificant little lives. Accept yourself. Learn from others--but don't be intimidated by them, or pretend to be someone you're not; because... "We are most effective when we're being ourselves."
  • 65. 63 6. DON'T BE SCARED OF MAKING MISTAKES. The only real mistake is one from which you learn nothing. Motto: "Far better to try something and fail, than try nothing and succeed!" 7. ACCEPT THAT IT WILL NEVER BE EASY. Realizing your dream may be the hardest, most uphill thing you'll ever do. A truth ... "You can't coast uphill." The key ingredient in success is never giving up. Keep on keeping on with your quest. It has been said that "success is 99% made up of failures". 8. STAY HUMBLE. (no matter how successful you may be.) Don't ever think you've made it and arrived--there's always a lot ahead, more to do, higher mountains to climb. Motto: "The greatest way to do our thing has yet to be discovered!" 9. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF. There is incredible power in yourself (in the form of the unique human mind), but far more so in the forces of the Universe. Make them work for you by living your life in harmony with these natural forces. Like positive energy attracts like. Enough "spiritual" thoughts! Back to the "real world" and you. Avoid developing an inferiority complex (Who am I, a 'nothing'?"). Don't be filled with feelings of self pity ("nobody likes me"), or think "I can't do it". These thoughts will steal your dream. 10. HAVE FUN. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems--don't get too solemn, or serious or too downcast when things go wrong (as they surely will from time to time). Take a leaf from Thomas Edison's book: "I never did a day's work in my entire life: it was all FUN!" Laugh at life's funny moments... and there are plenty of them. "The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does." -J.M. Barrie 11. DEVELOP 'THE WILL TO LIVE'. There will be plenty of times when you'll face the death of your dream. When failures, disappointments, and criticisms come you need the will and faith to keep going. Remember: We learn far more from our failures than our successes, because failures show us what doesn't work. So, failure is just one step closer to ultimate success. Often the difference between failure and success is trying just one more time, picking yourself up off the canvas after being knocked down time and again. 12. DEVELOP 'THE WILL TO HELP AND SERVE OTHERS'. Success on its own (i.e., for its own sake) will pollute and corrupt you--it's a dead end street unless you have meaning in your life. The years of struggle breed fortitude and character. The gold may be an inch away from the seam, where your fellow miners have given up. You need to succeed for a reason, a purpose, a cause that's bigger than you! and IF (a very big if) you've fulfilled all the above requirements...
  • 66. 64 13. ALWAYS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR OPPORTUNITIES. They are all around you. There are no permanent problems--only solutions, possibilities and opportunities. The Chinese word for 'crisis' means 'danger' + 'opportunity'. 14. DEVELOP THE 'WILL TO SUCCEED' If you truly believe in what you are doing, DEVELOP THE 'WILL TO SUCCEED with absolute commitment. It is not enough to just survive, aim at being the best you can possibly be! Keep your dream big, bold and even outrageous--don't water it down or settle for mediocrity... even if others think you are crazy! Trust in your judgment, your intuition and your creative mind to overcome any obstacles. "Be bold and mighty, unseen forces come to your aid." 15. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM! Be patient. Don't be in too much of a hurry to achieve your goals and dreams. Be persistent and never quit. As the saying goes, 'Winners never quit and quitters never win.' Always remember, when you think you've exhausted all your possibilities, you really haven't-- there's always another way, a better way...and even more importantly, there's always another day! Life is not a dress rehearsal, it's the main event. GO FOR THAT DREAM. It is within you and within your reach. About The Author Craig Lock has studied and written extensively on the subject of personal success and how to live your dreams. Craig is a writer, who believes in encouraging and helping others to strive for and accomplish their dreams. He truly believes people can overcome obstacles, rise to any occasion, and accomplish their entire dream with enough faith. Creative Writing Course: http://www.nzenterprise.com/writer/creative.html http://www.elkpublications.com/godzone.htm http://www.novelty-gift.com/ Craig can be found accomplishing his dream at http://www.elkpublications.com/godzone.htm
  • 67. 65 IGNITE YOUR SUCCESS WITH 21 ACTIONS Taking action is the strongest way to create success in your life. The following are the 21 Actions that you can take right now, to ignite the success in your life, business, career, relationships, or family. Take one or two of the actions that you are better at and practice them. Then, start working on some of the other actions. You will be surprised at the success that you will have when you start to take action. 1 STOP the way you do things presently. To stop allows you the right to take inventory of what is happening in your life objectively and with clarity and then, when appropriate, to continue. 2 DROP the assumptions that you make about other people and yourself. To drop your present way of doing things can mean starting anew or just altering the way you approach things. You start with as clean a slate as possible. 3 EXPECT success. luck. fun. joy. love. what you truly desire. To expect creates sensitivity for the expected. To expect good things opens a world of opportunity. 4 GIVE without expectation. without being requested. when you can and when you cannot. creatively and in new ways. To give is the gift of self-esteem. When one is truly comfortable with oneself, one gives effortlessly. 5 BELIEVE the world is abundant. in yourself. To believe goes along with action. When you believe, your actions reflect the reality of your belief. 6 THANK people who are generous to you, the world for what you have, yourself for what you contribute. To thank is to contemplate one's good fortune. 7 VISUALIZE your goals. your challenges. your victories.? the path you are taking in life. To visualize is to use all of your senses and to have experienced the act completely before it happens. 8 ASK for what you want. others what they need. for help. To ask is not a selfish action. In an appropriate manner it is an act of progress, of clarification and of generosity. 9 CREATE your world. new art, new projects, new thoughts, new writing, new music, new fun in your life and the lives of others. a safe place for others to exist. a fun environment for those you touch. To create is human and awe inspiring. 10 LAUGH a lot. out loud. at yourself. To laugh is to always be selfless and to laugh at yourself as much as you laugh at humanity. 11 DO Something. Anything. Doing will move you forward. Doing will get you out of your doldrums. To do something and, at times, anything can be the catalyst that keeps you going. Doing something means being active physically and mentally, not allowing yourself to become stagnant. The act of doing is the act of success. 12 FORGIVE those who have wronged you. yourself. To forgive is to acknowledge and say everything is okay.
  • 68. 66 13 BE the success you want to be now. Play the part to make that the new norm. true to yourself. present in every moment for yourself and for those around you. To be in this sense is an action. It means you are actively present and in the role of yourself. Being means you are not lost in the past or in the future. 14 LOVE those people around you. those who support you. your family. your friends. yourself. To love is to open yourself up to those who are close to you and ultimately to everyone. 15 FOCUS your efforts on your priorities, your goals, and your plans. To focus means your energies are not wasted or spread too thin. 16 LEARN daily. To learn is to honour the capacity we all have within our minds. To learn exercises our muscle of thought. 17 BALANCE your life for you, your family, your work, the world. To balance is to recognize your boundaries and to act in a way to not cross them. 18 RELAX your body. your mind. To relax is the act of allowing our minds to catch up and organize themselves. To relax allows rest for our muscle of thought. 19 EMBRACE your fear as a necessary part of success. change as the vehicle for new opportunity. new people as just that ? people. To embrace is a hug that is comforting yet confident. 20 OBSERVE the world around you. the people around you. what you see, hear, taste, small, and feel. what your gut tells you. what your mind is thinking. the power of a relaxed, rested mind To observe is the willingness to be taught about your world and those people and things in it. To receive the 21st and most important Action to Ignite Your Success, please subscribe to Food for Thought, our newsletter that will make you stop and think. Go to http://www.mindscape.ca/subscription21.htm Paul has always researched and studied the fields of human performance and personal & professional development. As an engineer, Paul is extremely interested in how things work - the mind being one of the most fascinating. Paul has lived a life of opportunity and abundance, which has included living and working overseas in Africa and the Caribbean. He is a retired I.T. consultant and executive, a husband and father of 2 boys, and has conquered marathons, triathlons, and Mount Kilimanjaro. This wide background of experience has all supported his research. Paul lives a life of success by practicing the Mindscape Principles. For more information on Paul Frazer, his company Mindscape, his speaking programs, his book Stop, Drop & Re-Balance: A Self Renewal Manual or to contact him please call him at 613-264- 3791 or visit his website at: http://www.mindscape.ca/
  • 69. 67 7 CHARACTER TRAITS OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE 1. They are hard working. There is no such thing as easy money. Success takes hard work and people who are willing to do it. 2. They are honest. Those who are successful long-term are the honest ones. Dishonest people may get the first sale, but honest people will get all the rest! 3. They persevere. How many success stories will go untold because they never happened? And all because someone quit. Successful people outlast everybody else. 4. They are friendly. Have you noticed that most successful people are friendly and people oriented? This endears them to others and enables them to lead others to accomplish the task. 5. They are lifelong learners. Successful people are people who stretch themselves and grow continually, learning from all areas of life, including from their mistakes. 6. They over-deliver. The old statement of under-promise and over-deliver became famous because it made a lot of people successful, including the richest man in the world - Bill Gates 7. They seek solutions in the face of problems. Problems are opportunities to do the impossible, not just complain. Successful people are the ones who find solutions. About The Author: Chris Widener is a popular speaker and writer as well as the President of Made for Success, a company helping individuals and organizations turn their potential into performance, succeed in every area of their lives and achieve their dreams. To see Chris "live" at the upcoming Jim Rohn Weekend Event as he speaks on the subject of Secrets of Influence go to http://Chris-Widener.InspiresYOU.com/ or call 800-929-0434.
  • 70. 68 TOP SEVEN IDEAS FOR SUCCESS 1. Any work activity, unless initiated at the earliest will not move ahead. Once you begin the work, you will appreciate its scope, likely problems etc. Procrastination and success are inversely related. 2. Depending on the work, you have to work hard, in terms of extended work hours, physical labour or mental labour. Don't leave things as such citing exhaustion or some other trivial reason. 3. Try to understand how you can source help from others in areas where you lack either time or expertise. Many a times networking help you to accomplish tasks within time frame, cost reduction, innovativeness etc. 4. Work with real interest, then work is pleasure. If you cannot have interest, you are not doing justice for yourself or the employer, as the case may be. Understanding the task leads to innovative ideas which in turn generates interest. Compare and compete with colleagues and friends working with similar tasks, a sure way to work with zeal. 5. Have patience till the time you feel, you have followed the above. Till then never loose patience, even if you have to start from the scratch, of course the boss should be willing to give you more time. 6. Resist temptations that divert your valuable mental and physical resources, while on the task. In other words work with concentration. You can relax a while, but not get diverted to unrelated activity. 7. Observe what others have done, their successes, failures, factors and reasons for the same and relate with your mode of operation. Filter the accessible best processes. The above provides just as a guide, and is not a generalized formula. It is out of observation and own experience, one can frame better rules and ideas for oneself. The author Holds a Masters degree in Agricultural Sciences and is cofounder of an organization involved in Nature conservation and sustainable development. The author can be reached at uravikumar@yahoo.com Visit http://www.geocities.com/uravikumar for more information on Kolleru lake.
  • 71. 69 7 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO REACH THE SUCCESS YOU TRULY DESIRE Ever have those days where no matter what you try life seems to be a series of one step forward and two steps back? Well today is the very best day to take charge of your life and develop strategies to achieve personal success. You will need to work hard and make a commitment to your personal success plan, but once you break the inertia you will find that small achievements will help you gain momentum, and each step forward will attract more success. 1. Take a look at the one and only person responsible for your success- YOU. To be successful you must take complete responsibility for your actions. You can't pin your success or your shortcomings on anyone else. 2. Develop and nurture a successful self- Start by smiling more, look to the positive side in everything. Don't list all the reasons why something is hard and you can't do it, find the reasons even if it is only one to start with of why you can do something. You must develop a successful persona to become a successful person. 3. Make the decision today- Decide today that you will be successful. Praise yourself for past accomplishments, take stock of your strong qualities and work to nurture and improve those that are underdeveloped. You have a purpose and a mission you must sweep aside the negative clutter and define this purpose and begin today to fulfil yourself. 4. Always begin with the positive- every morning you wake up, every time you speak with other people. Always stick with the positive. Associate with positive people. People who have also made the commitment to success. Avoid negative people at all costs. They will not only drag you down. Their negative actions and thoughts, their pessimism, whining, and complaining is a toxin and you need to steer clear of it. 5. Visualize and write down how you desire to live successfully- think of the things that are meaningful to you. Things that give you pleasure, comfort, and fulfilment. Then being as specific as possible write down how you want to live. Don't listen to any of the negative, just concentrate. Write down every detail, where you live, what your house is like down to the decor. What you and your friends are passionate about, what kinds of community projects do you donate your time and money to. After writing everything down copy the most vivid and important things into a new journal. One you have chosen just for this. Make the journal come to life with drawings, photographs, magazine clippings, articles, and poetry. Images and words that will help your vision of a successful life crystallize in your mind. Look through this journal several times a week. Every day visualizing living that life. Make all of your actions in accordance with that successful life. 6. Define what success means to you- Concentrate on what you are best at and what brings you satisfaction and fulfilment. Using your vision of how you want to live, write down and then read out loud what success means to you. Otherwise you won t know when you have achieved it. 7. Study and make the commitment- Read books and magazines about people who are successful in your eyes, and ways to become more successful. Develop a daily methodical systematic approach to reaching your goals and take one step towards your success.
  • 72. 70 Keep your mind in the moment don't let it wonder to negative discourse. Focus your attention on your vision of success. With a resolute attitude you are well on your way. About The Author ©BZ Riger-Hull. www.in-spiros.com For valuable free articles, assessments, & practical success tools mailto:A1@smartautoresponder.com Certified as a Success Coach, "Four Agreements" Facilitator, & Tele-Course leader We help you communicate powerfully, reduce stress, Strategically Attract success, & increase your financial well-being. bz@in-spiros.com
  • 73. 71 BE A WINNER - TEN TIPS FOR SUCCESS Have you ever thought about how you want to live, and who you want to become? Everyone has different values and puts them in different order of priority, so what works for others may not be your own recipe for success. To remind yourself about what your life is all about, I recommend taking the time to write down ten principles that you consider most important. It is easy to get off-track at times, but if you keep your personal values in sight it is much easier live by them. (After all, what is the point in getting out of bed every day if not to live a life of value?). Selecting only ten principles is certainly difficult, but well worth doing. Mine are clearly visible from my computer where I work every day. Why don't you do the same? Petra's Ten Tips for Being a Winner Think big - dare to dream Give without expecting anything back Be persistent, even when it all looks too hard Speak positively about yourself and others Never stop learning Smile, even when no-one is looking Demand excellence from yourself Put people before projects Take responsibility for everything that happens to you Have integrity - always do what you say you will do (C) Copyright Petra Rankin 2005 Petra Rankin used powerful techniques to beat her own long-term depression. She is now dedicated to teaching others how to be happier and lead more successful lives. Her first book Fast Track Your Success and Happiness is due to be launched in September 2005 and is currently available for download as a free e-book instead of paying $19.95. Limited time only!
  • 74. 72 THE AMAZING SUCCESS SECRET ANYONE CAN START USING TODAY However there is one success secret that costs nothing. And we can all use it today to get ahead more quickly. I am talking about cultivating exceptional people skills in a way that puts you ahead of the crowd, in a way that respects and honours the people you deal with in your life. Ironically when we neglect people skills the complex business and social infrastructure of our world can fall over in a moment. What do I mean? Have you ever walked into the store of a major nationwide retailer and walked through the multimillion dollar premises only to find nobody to serve you? Have you ever phoned your bank and got a busy signal or even worse got cut off despite their huge customer service focused advertising campaigns. How about in your workplace? Have you ever done a fantastic job, stayed late to get it done and felt taken for granted? The corporate slogan about caring for the welfare of the staff rings hollow after this happens more than once. On the other hand if you learn from the most successful individuals and companies you will find one trait in common -- excellent people skills. Here are three ways to become more successful by developing your people skills: 1 Learn from people who manage to remain cheerful in the face of massive challenges and stress. A good friend of mine was on the verge of losing his business last year but you would never have guessed it. He was always smiling and confident things would get better. He somehow managed to still treat his staff well even when he was worried about running out of money. By listening to him and watching him cope with extreme financial pressure I learned a lot. His belief that everything would work out kept him smiling even while facing some very dark hours. You too need to become better under pressure. Anyone can cope well when things are going well. It is only when you shine under pressure that you prove to yourself and the world that you are destined for better things. 2 Exceptional people skills happen at the margin. To go from average to good and from good to excellent is possible in a short time when you make incremental improvements each day. You do not need to change your personality or go on a two week course. Simply focus on listening skills, on non verbal communication and on building confidence. Read some good books, get advice from experts and apply what you learn. By making only very slight improvements where it matters most you will quickly develop exceptional people skills.
  • 75. 73 The very best performers in sport and in business are only marginally better than their closest competitors and these slight margins make all the difference between winning and losing. Aim to make marginal improvements in your ability to communicate with confidence and your results will improve dramatically. Now would be a great time to get started! 3 Say what you mean and mean what you say Mark Twain famously commented that common sense is not that common and today sincerity and honesty are far from common either. You can stand out from the crowd by making a point of saying what you mean instead of saying what you think people want to hear. Insincerity is a game you can never win as you are always living in fear of getting caught out. If you follow through on what you say people will respect you for your integrity and you will be known and appreciated as someone who can be counted on. Be unusual -- hold yourself to a high standard of integrity and commit to saying what you mean and doing what you say you will. When you live like this each day other people develop confidence in you and in what you say. And success in the world gets a whole lot easier with a team of people who believe in you paving the road ahead. Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
  • 76. 74 HOW TO BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY TO SUCCESS Becoming successful requires a lifestyle change. It requires that you know where you are going, where you want to be, but most importantly, it requires that you know how you will get there! Before you begin your journey to success, ask yourself these questions... • What do I want in life? • What do I want from my business? • What is my objective? • What am I here for? • Where do I want my business to be in 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years? Once you have answered these questions write them down as if you have already accomplished your goal. Start in this manner. Figure out where you want your life to be 5 years from now. Don't hold back, this is the part where you figure out what your dreams are, what your ultimate goal is. To clearly understand this point we are going to use a real life story of how someone can accomplished his/her dreams. Let's take Adrian's 5 year dream for example, and let's help him figure out how he can accomplish his dreams. • Adrian was born in Brazil on September 14, 1973. • Adrian is 30 years old, he has never finished high school, and is now living in South Carolina, United States. He works at the Coca-Cola factory and makes $19,000 a year. • Adrian has always had big dreams, and wants something better for his life, he wants to have a 6 figure income, and he knows that working at a factory is just not going to cut it. • He wants a big house ( $200,000 ) • A swimming pool in his back yard. ( part of the house ) • A brand new Cadillac Escalade ( $80,000 ) • He wants to visit his home land ( $25,000 ) • He wants to get married to his fiancée, and have a big wedding, they have been engaged for 3 years and Adrian has not been able to afford a big wedding. ( $25,000 ) Realistically speaking, there's no possible way that Adrian can afford to accomplish his dreams within 5 years, because in 5 years he will have only made $95,000. In order to achieve his goals he requires an additional $235,000, which would in turn require an additional 12 years working at the factory, not to mention his daily, and monthly expenses like Rent, Food, Bills, etc. Adrian, the optimist that he is doesn't allow the fact that he needs an additional $235,000 minimum to stop him from accomplishing his dreams. Adrian has a vision -- Let's fast forward for a second, shall we... The date is March 7th, 2008. Adrian just came back with his wife from vacation, where they were visiting Brazil for 1 full year.
  • 77. 75 As they arrive at their house, they see their Cadillac Escalade, and their 2007 BMW parked in their driveway. They are tired from the long flight and decide to go relax in their Jacuzzi found in their back yard. The Jacuzzi is just a few feet away from their swimming pool. As you have guessed it, Adrian no longer works at the Coca Cola factory, because if he did he wouldn't have over 1 Million dollars in his bank account. Most importantly, Adrian is happy to be alive and well as he now enjoys a luxurious lifestyle. Adrian has accomplished his goals and dreams, and is now living the life that he deserves, the life he has always wanted. Life is Good! Adrian knew that before he could accomplish his dreams, he had to have a clear vision of where he wanted to be, and who he wanted to become. Adrian knew that his job at the factory was not going to cut it, and was not going to provide the type of income that he deserved, therefore he began to research elsewhere. Adrian began researching the Internet in hopes of starting his own business. Since Adrian didn't have much time to design his own products, nor the resources to start up a company from scratch. He began researching for companies that could help him generate extra income. After failing over and over again, he stumbled upon a site that was going to help him create guaranteed monthly income. Since Adrian was new to the Internet he didn't know much marketing strategies, nor did he have any know how on where to begin. He than began to learn, follow, and apply the marketing strategies found in the company's marketing plan. Over the next few months Adrian began creating a healthy secondary income, and eventually he managed to quit his job at the Coca Cola factory and was on track to accomplishing his dreams. The dreams he always wanted for himself. Within 5 years, Adrian made over 10 times the amount of money he thought he needed to accomplish his dreams. Congratulations Adrian! How did he accomplish this? Adrian began learning everything he could about his company's marketing plan. When he realized that this company could realistically help him accomplish his dream, he began applying his newly acquired knowledge. Adrian had big dreams in mind, and therefore he had to go the extra mile in order to make sure they came true. He started designing a plan that was going to help him attain his long term dream.
  • 78. 76 The plan included short term goals, as well as daily goals to accomplish each and every day. The key to Adrian's success was learning and applying his newly acquired knowledge, as well as accomplishing his daily goals. Adrian's Plan: • Learn how to promote his business on the Internet • Learn how others have succeeded, and model after their success • *Apply what he learned * • Never Give Up! • Write a daily to do list • Design Short Term Goals • Design 1 Month Goals • Design 1 Year Goals • Design 2 Year Goals • Design 5 Year Goals • Accomplish what is found on his daily To-Do list • Accomplish his 1 Month Goals • Accomplish his 1 Year Goals • Accomplish his 2 Year Goals • Accomplish his 5 Year Goals • Accomplishing the above was the basis of how Adrian's dreams were accomplished. After Adrian accomplished each small step, he knew that he was one step closer to his long term dream. Adrian encountered a lot of obstacles along the way, and he never gave up. In the back of his mind he knew that one day he was going to have a big house, a brand new car, and would visit his homeland. Regardless of what obstacles Adrian faced along the way, HE NEVER GAVE UP! Adrian learned that the difference between those who make a 6 - 7 Figure income, and those who barely make a 5 Figure income, was that those who give up never succeed, and those who succeed never give up! What can you learn from Adrian? You decide! Dave Origano is a 24 year old entrepreneur that succeeded in the online world in merely 3 years. With the right mind setting he growed his wealth with millions. Want to own the techniques that he used to create these millions of dollars: http://www.TheMillionairLife.com
  • 79. 77 EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES FOR STOPPING PROCRASTINATION You will have the greatest success if you read the first newsletter and take some time to observe your own procrastination patterns. Once you have accomplished that, choose a few of the strategies outlined here. Keep working at it until you understand what you need to do to stop putting things off. Set Specific Goals The most effective goals are specific, measurable, and achievable. An example of a good goal is, "I will buy paint on Friday and paint the living room on Saturday." This is better than saying, "I am going to get the house ready to sell." Set Priorities Write down all the things that you need to do, and place them in order of importance. The most important tasks belong at the top of your list and the distractions go at the bottom. Start at the top of your list and work your way down. Organize Your Work Set up a system for yourself. Prepare a daily schedule and keep it within view during your working time. List the tasks for each day. Check things off as you complete them. When you are working on a project, lay out all of the needed supplies or materials before you begin. Divide and Conquer Sometimes a project is overwhelming if you think about all of the work that is involved. Do yourself a favour: Break the activity down into smaller steps and set progress goals for each of the steps. This is especially helpful when you are beginning a writing project, studying for a degree, or building a new set of skills. For example, if you need to write a report, make an outline before you start writing. If you have to clean your house, make your goal to do the first two rooms by 10:00, two more by noon, and two more by 2:00. Check tasks off your outline as you complete them. Make It a Game Turn the temptation to avoid working into a challenge. Use your imagination. For example, if you need to study the first five chapters of your history book, pretend that you are a substitute teacher and will need to lecture on the material tomorrow. Take notes and organize the information into an outline that you could speak from. Sometimes changing the frame around a situation makes it more interesting and less of a chore. Schedule a Small Amount of Time Tell yourself that you will only spend ten minutes on the task right now, just to get your feet wet. Work on the task for the ten minutes and then choose whether to continue for ten more minutes. Continue doing this until you decide to stop, or when you are finished with the task. If you stop
  • 80. 78 working on the task before it is finished, spend a few more minutes to plan a strategy for the next steps. When you are tempted to substitute a fun but unimportant activity (such as reading a magazine or watching the weather channel) for an important project (such as finishing pages of your report), make the substitute activity your reward for doing the important task. Do the high-priority job first and reward yourself with the fun activity. Ward Off Self-Defeating Thoughts Telling yourself that you are going to do a poor job or even fail can seriously undermine your ability to function. It is important to realize that your negative statements are not facts. Keep your focus on the present moment and the positive steps you can take toward accomplishing your goals. If these thoughts are based on a need for perfection or low self-esteem (described in the "Managing Perfectionism" newsletter), you may want to work on these issues. Make a Commitment Make a verbal and written commitment to completing the task or project. Write a contract and sign it. Tell someone about your plans and ask them to follow up with you. One trainer wanted to create a how-to workbook and market it to other training professionals. After weeks of procrastination, she decided to motivate herself by creating a deadline. She wrote an ad for the workbook and placed it in the professional publication that she knew her colleagues would be reading. When her telephone began to ring with orders for the workbook, she suddenly became very focused. Remind Yourself Write notes to yourself and post them in conspicuous places. Leave them where you will see them- on places like the outside of your briefcase, the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, television, your front door, and the dashboard of your car. The more often you remind yourself of what you plan to accomplish, the more likely it is that you will follow through with action. Reward Yourself Reinforcement is a very effective way to motivate yourself. When you complete even the most minor task, be sure to acknowledge what you have done. This is especially important in the beginning when you are struggling with procrastination behaviours. After you have mastered these issues and have regained your peak productivity, don't forget to celebrate the completion of the big projects. You worked hard for it and shouldn't take it for granted. ----------------------- Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counselling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.
  • 81. 79 THE POWER OF MIND-IMAGERY Today I feel inspired that I should speak more to the framework of a successful mindset. We've already discussed how to ignore negative thoughts and encourage positive thoughts by monitoring what we allow to dwell in our minds. We've also talked about the power of affirmations in changing our inner-talk to things we want in our lives. Today I think we should focus on how to use vivid imagery to obtain the things of our heart's desire. I call this "Mind-Imagery." Olympic champions and other high-performing athletes understand the power of the mind and the power of mind-imagery. They incorporate training for the mind as a part of their daily training regimen. Not only do they have strength-coaches and technique coaches, but they have mind- coaches as well. These athletes picture themselves making the throw, hurdle, move, stroke, etc. that brings them the Gold, and they truly believe that before they start a competition, they've already won it. In our last article, I spoke about Muhammed Ali and his use of affirmations. The reason athletes use mind- imagery is because they know that what the mind believes, the body achieves. So if world-class athletes are using these techniques to succeed in their professions, why not us to succeed in ours? Let's talk about how we can use mind-imagery in our lives. It's important to note that the subconscious mind does not understand the difference between reality and imagination. What this really means is that we can show the subconscious mind pictures of what we want to be our reality and the subconscious mind will achieve it. If you are like me and millions of others, using mind-imagery may be hard for you. I've heard that the average person in the US watches more than six hours of television a day! Incredible isn't it?! But in light of that knowledge, it's not so incredible to see that many of us have lost our imaginative abilities. Granted, we may not have had many to start with, but with so many things to watch on TV and in the movie theatres, we no longer are required to use our imaginations at all. Because the pictures we show our mind are so important, it's no surprise to me that so many of us have trouble programming our minds for success. Only 4% of US citizens are truly financially free at retirement age! We have lost the ability to imagine ourselves achieving goals and being truly successful in the ways we desire. Because the subconscious mind uses pictures to manifest what we want, we need to learn to re- program our minds by learning to use our imagination again. Let's start this by taking another look at the goals we have in our lives. We need to show the mind what it is that we want. What is it that we truly desire? Spend a few quiet moments meditating and imagining what those things would look like. If it is a dream home you desire, think about how the rooms are laid out and decorated. If it is a dream job, think about how your office will look, what you will wear, and the awards on your wall. Make a mental note of these images because we will be using them from now on. If you have affirmations, add pictures to them. If you have them memorized, add the corresponding pictures and hold them in your mind while you speak the affirmation. If your affirmations are written down somewhere, add pictures to the paper on which the affirmations are written.
  • 82. 80 For example, if you are affirming a million-dollar bank account and your dream home in the hills, find pictures of the home you would like to have, and find pictures of a bank vault full of cash and paste them onto the same sheet with your affirmations. "Chicken Soup for the Soul" co-creator Jack Canfield had some very important insight on how to supercharge the power of mind-imagery. He recommends that you use mind-imagery by imagining you are in a movie. In the quote below note how he recommends you see YOU IN the movie as opposed to WATCHING a movie OF YOU. He says, "If you're watching a movie of you, you see your whole body up on the screen. But when you're in the movie, you just see your own hands. You're looking out through your own face. You can't see your own face right now. We call this associated imagery versus disassociated imagery, which is more powerful to produce change. So whenever you visualize something you want, visualize it from inside of your body" (i.e. You In the movie) "what it would look like if you had it. Don't see yourself outside of your world. It's not as powerful." So, for the next two weeks, I want you to latch onto the images that go through your mind when you meditate and imagine how your goals would look when achieved. Then, continue twice a day with the affirmations, except for now I want those images you've selected to be included and to be a central part of your daily mind exercises. Make sure that you take Mr. Canfield's advice and see the images from inside your own body. I hope that your life already shows signs of powerful, positive change. I look forward to speaking with you again in a couple of weeks. To Your Success, Joel S. Nelson
  • 83. 81 WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO BE SUCCESSFUL What do you need to do to be successful? If you are searching the net you may feel that you need to sign up for the latest affiliate marketing programme. Or perhaps you need to be a member of the latest MLM scheme. On the other hand it may be that you need to follow the directions of the latest web marketing guru. Each of theses routes give you the opportunity of being successful but without courage, zeal and enthusiasm you will join the ranks of the 80% plus who fail. You need the courage to identify your dream. Your passion. You need the courage to stick with the process while you concretise your focus and then to stay the course when others are telling you that it is a stupid idea and will never work. To start your own business is difficult enough. It becomes virtually impossible when you select something that only looks good or looks interesting and you don't have passion for. To be successful you must identify your true calling in life. Your passion. Can you imagine what the result would be if you allowed your passion to be your focus in life? So. What is it that turns you on? What motivates you? What do you constantly talk to yourself and others about? What excites you? Once you have identified your focus, your calling, you now need zeal and enthusiasm to carry it through. To be successful. Zeal and enthusiasm is more than determination. It's about commitment, fun, enjoyment. Something you want to do because you believe in it. A natural way to reach your aim and objective in life. A belief that means you are willing to live with your dream 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You need to see life the way a sportsperson does. Can you commit to working day in day out with the sole purpose of working towards your dream? Can you keep going when nothing appears to be happening? Can you hold onto the slightest increase in your ability as a sign of success? Are you dedicated to continually improving your personal best? Can you believe in yourself and your passion enough to rethink the formula when the business reaches crisis point? Can you step back and honestly analyse your actions when you have just lost a potential sale or the time you spent on a marketing campaign was wasted? Can you be a totally focussed individual? However, zeal and enthusiasm alone are useless. It's like driving a car at full speed without knowing the destination. Alone they will not bring you success, but coupled with an aim and objective, a focus, a passion, a desire to constantly improve and courage then, like the sportsperson, the world is your oyster. When you do something you love doing, time is immaterial and happiness and personal growth naturally follow. You work because you want to and enjoy it. You are fulfilling your passion and boy it shows. People buy your enthusiasm, your excitement. They can see the excitement in your eyes; they can read it in your writings. • Look at your business and materials: • Do they show excitement, passion? • Would you buy from you, your site, if you were a customer?
  • 84. 82 The secret to success in life is simple: If you have the power of determination in your thoughts, every task is possible. Those who are successful in their chosen field have an extraordinary degree of self confidence. They know they are living their passion. The only thing on their minds is to be the best. To give their best at every opportunity. They know that the key to success is their mental toughness. What about you? There are no shortcuts. You can only be successful because you have a passion and the zeal and enthusiasm to work hard and conquer your inappropriate habits. The talent to focus and refocus your activities. The courage to stand out from the crowd. It's not the money that drives people to success it's the game, it's wanting to be the best. Do you have what it takes? Can you do what you need to do to be successful? Graham and Julie www.desktop-meditation.com To see more of our work please go to: www.desktop-meditation.com graham@desktop-meditation.com
  • 85. 83 THE 3-STEP FORMULA TO SUCCESS Believe it or not, there is a special 3-step formula that makes people successful. Unfortunately, you can't buy the formula. But if you could, it would be hotter than reality television shows! So, what is this amazing 3-step formula I'm talking about? Okay. Here it is: 1. Have a goal. 2. Do what you love. 3. Have relentless desire and determination. That's it. That's the formula. Now don't be fooled by the simplicity of the formula. After all, if it were easy, everyone would be successful and we all know that's not the case. However, the formula is definitely viable for anyone whom religiously follows the steps. Let's start with the first part of the formula: (1.) Have a goal. Every ounce of human progress--our inventions big and small, our medical and scientific discoveries, our engineering achievements, our business successes--were first visualized before they became realities. High-tech satellites orbit the earth because scientists made it their goal to conquer space. So, what is a goal? A goal is an objective, a purpose. A goal is more than just a dream, it's a dream acted upon. A goal is more than just sitting back and "wishing you could." A goal is a clear-as- glass, "This is what I'm working toward." Nothing happens, no steps forward are taken, until a goal is established. Without goals, individuals just wander aimlessly through life under-achieving. They stumble and bumble along, not having a clue where they're going. So, as a result, they never get anywhere. Goals are as essential to success as air is to life. No one ever stumbles into success, without having a clear-cut goal. (Winning the lottery doesn't count). Develop a clear picture of where you want to go. Write your goals down and review them every single day. Formulate a game plan. Ask yourself where you want to be a month from now--a year from now--3 years, 5 years, 10 years.
  • 86. 84 Tape a picture of your goal on your bathroom mirror and on your refrigerator--whether it's a new house, a new car, whatever. Make visualizing and thinking about your goals a daily exercise. Because it is only by constantly visualizing your goals will they become a reality. And don't worry about setbacks, detours or little bumps in the road or big bumps either for that matter. Setbacks happen to everyone. That's life. Forget about it. Make the necessary adjustments and keep going. Up next is the second part of the formula: (2.) Do what you love. There's an old saying, "Do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life!" Do you understand what that means? It means if you work at doing something you truly love and enjoy, it won't really seem like work at all. Speaking from personal experience, I'm here to tell you that is absolutely the truth. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. A few years ago, I made it my goal to have a successful business on the Internet, even though I had no computer experience and knew absolutely nothing about the Internet. At that time, I didn't even own a computer. All I had was my WebTV and a boatload of determination. Well, my friends, to make a long story short, I'm happy to say that I've achieved that goal. And now I get to stay home all day, everyday and play on my computer, writing articles like this one and publishing my "Let's Make Money Newsletter." So, how did I do it? I went to the library and taught myself how to use a computer. I read book after book on how the Internet works and I taught myself basic HTML (very basic). Anyway, the bottom line is, I'm now doing what I love. Most mornings I get up at six o'clock, because I can't wait to get started. And most nights, I don't get offline until about eight or nine o'clock. Now by my calculations, those are 14 or 15 hour work days. But it doesn't seem like work to me, because I'm doing what I love. Those 14 or 15 hour days fly right by--and that's the whole point! "Do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life!" If you hate your job, find a way to do what you love so that you can quit. You may even have to work another part-time job or something to get to that point. But if you really and truly want it badly enough, you'll do whatever it takes.
  • 87. 85 Finally, we come to the third and last part of the formula: (3.) Relentless desire and determination. It is also the main reason why most people don't succeed. They don't have relentless desire and determination. I want you to commit the following words to memory: "Any success you achieve will be in direct proportion to your desire and determination. The more desire and determination you have, the greater will be your success." Here's another example to illustrate my point: Most people think it's Kobe Bryant's amazing talent that sets him apart from the other players in the NBA. And make no mistake, his talent does play a significant role in his success. But what really makes Kobe Bryant special is his "relentless desire and determination." He just wants to win more than everybody else. It's no secret that Kobe practices longer and harder than just about anyone else in the NBA, with the possible exception of Karl Malone. He also works out like a demon. But that's exactly what it takes. You have to be as maniacal about success as Kobe Bryant is. I'll repeat something I said earlier in this article: "Any success you achieve will be in direct proportion to your desire and determination. The more desire and determination you have, the greater will be your success." Now after reading this article, I'm sure many of you are wondering where and how to get started. The very first thing I recommend is a complete re- programming of your mind. Because before you can start walking down that road to success, you first have to get your mind right. In that regard, there are two books I consider absolute MUST reads, if you are at all serious about being successful in whatever it is you choose to do. The books are, "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and "The Magic of Thinking Big" by Dr. David Schwartz. Your local bookstore or library should have both books, since they're all-time classics. If not, try Amazon.com. But whatever you do, make the investment in yourself and get those books! Another thing, if you're married or living with someone and you suddenly announce to your spouse or lover that you want to eventually quit your job and "do what you love." Don't expect a whole lot of support or kisses and hugs. Unfortunately, most people are conditioned to the "9 to 5, retire at 65," way of thinking. So, if you expect support and encouragement from your family and friends, you're probably going to be disappointed. That's just the way it is. Most likely, you'll probably hear a bunch of negativity.
  • 88. 86 That's the point when you have to stay strong and focused. Because chances are, you're going to be in this alone. That's why the mind re-programming is so important. It'll help you stay focused and positive. And if by chance you do happen to have family and friends who do support you, so much the better! Anyway, that's it. That's "The Amazing 3-Step Formula To Success!" You'll notice not once in this entire article did I mention anything about making more money. Why? Because "if you do what you love, the money will follow!" In closing, if you want to be successful, you must NEVER give up. You must NEVER quit. NEVER! No matter what! About The Author Dean Phillips is an Internet marketing expert, writer, publisher and entrepreneur. Questions? Comments? Dean can be reached at mailto: dean@lets-make-money.net Make Money Online! Internet marketing expert, Dean Phillips will help you make money online, starting today...Guaranteed! For details just visit my website. Website: http://www.lets-make-money.net
  • 89. 87 YOU BECOME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT http://www.inspiration4everyone.com/success/you_become_what_you_think.html 1) Dream big; creative visualization (think about your dreams) mental rehearsal; and imagine yourself at 10 times today’s earnings. 2) Do what you love to do; become better and better; commitment is starting point; commitment to excellence; and become the best at what you do. 3) Focus on your strength - they’re unique; introspection - what are they; and ask people you respect what should I do.? 4) See yourself as self-employed; be the president of your company; work for yourself; treat your company like you own it; and remember “if it’s to be, it’s up to me.” 5) Never consider failure; life has ups and downs; learn from setbacks; and wisdom plus reflection. 6) Clear sense of direction; clear sense of goals; work on them everyday; decide what you want; and what price you will pay. 7) Develop workaholic mentality; 12 hours a day; 8 hours to survive; over 8 for investment; and try harder. 8) Get around right people; positive, goal oriented and successful people; associate with winners. 9) Be teachable; open to new information; do not be impressed with your own intelligence; be ready to learn; take in new information; and ask questions, and advice from people who knows. 10) Be prepared to climb from peak to peak; valley between each (ebb and flow); up and down - always; and roll with it. 11) Develop resilience; bounce back; and remember all peak performances bounce no matter how hard they hit. 12) Unlock your creativity; do 10% better; demand your strengths; and stretch your originally and speed. 13) Focus on continuous personal development; with books, tapes, seminars, reading, studying, listening, practicing, and developing your mind. 14) Be an unshakable optimist; look for the good in every situation; confident expectations no matter how bad; expect to be rich; expect to be successful; you get what you expect, not what you want; and stay away from negative people. 15) Dedicate yourself to serving others; people who give are the happiest and have the most; people who take have the bare minimum; top performers lose themselves in other peoples reward; and put value on your service.
  • 90. 88 16) Develop a reputation for speed and dependability; develop a sense of urgency - do it now; get on with the job; and act fast on opportunities. 17) Be impeccably honest to yourself and others; honesty, truth, integrity and absolute trust in the foundation of our system; and always deliver on your commitment. 18) Concentrate on one thing at a time; set priorities; concentrate on top task 100%; concentrate 100% of your energy on one single task; what is the most valuable use of your time right now; do it 100% and then go on. 19) Be decisive; make decisions quickly; think and act; characteristic of genius is to make decisions quickly; remember a bad decision is better than no decision at all. 20) Back your plans and goals with persistence and determination; stick to it longer than anybody else; your measure of belief is yourself; persistence is a habit; and never quit. 21) Self mastery; self control; self discipline; develop capacity to force yourself to do what you know you must do - when you should do it - whether you like it or not; and master key to riches.
  • 91. 89 HHOOWW TTOO RREEMMOOVVEE OOBBSSTTAACCLLEESS TTOO PPEERRSSOONNAALL GGRROOWWTTHH Do you know how to calculate the amount of fear holding you back in life? Take a pen and a piece of paper. On top of the page, write down your current age, for instance "34 years old." At the bottom, indicate how old you intend to grow before you die. "Death at 80" is a reasonable target. Now comes the mathematical part of the exercise. Draw a straight line connecting your current age with your death. That line represents the number of days that you have left on earth. In our example, the difference between 80 and 34 leaves you with 46 years, that is, almost 17.000 days. The last part of the game consists of deciding how you are going to use those 17.000 days. Now, draw a vertical line on your page, which divides your future in two areas. On the left side of the line, you can write down safe and commonplace goals. On the right side, difficult and disruptive ambitions. The rules of the exercise allow you to list as many activities as you wish, provided that you don't run out of time to live. Boring projects are easy to name and quantify. They include, amongst others, looking for better jobs, cleaning the house and going on holidays. Don’t forget mundane tasks such as working five days a week, watching television, walking the dog, washing your car once per month and shopping for new clothes. When your remaining term of 46 years is up, you are dead. You only need to worry about the opposite side of the line if you have unused time, which is unlikely. The truth is that most people will allocate their complete lifespan to left-side tasks. What about the right side of the line? Does anyone actually write down adventurous, risky goals? Are there people foolish enough to risk total failure in order to pursue their dreams? Is it not better to stick to attainable objectives? This is the type of activities that usually come up under the label "difficult and disruptive:" 1. Live in Paris for a year (500 days, including preparation and removals) 2. Start up and grow a global business (3000 days) 3. Write twenty great books (3000 days) 4. Save and invest until you are able to live from dividends (6000 days) 5. Learn to cook according to good nutrition principles (300 days) 6. Lose weight and acquire habits that allow you to stay in good shape (500 days) One could argue that this game is useless, since it has no winner and no loser. Since the same individual appears on both sides of the line, what is the point? What is the purpose of the exercise? The answer is that, paradoxically, the subjects on each side of the line are different persons. One of them is boring, the other fearless. One of them is aimless, the other determined. One of them is predictable, the other exciting. The lesson is that, one day, the 46 years will be consumed all the same. At the end, results will be trivial or spectacular, meaningless or irreplaceable. If you don't like the outcome of your calculations, take a blank piece of paper, draw a new vertical line, and start the exercise again. After a few times, you will get quite good at it. At one point, you will begin to fear boring activities more than risky ones. If you are already there, congratulations, now you know how to win the game.
  • 92. 90 TThhee AArrtt ooff OObbssttaaccllee RReemmoovvaall One of the best ways to go faster is to remove the things that slow you down. This "obstacle removal" is an integral part of many agile methods including Scrum and Lean. Sometimes it is obvious where an obstacle is. There are a few small things that can be done easily to go faster. But to get going really fast, we need to have a deeper understanding of obstacles... and the Art of Obstacle Removal. What are Obstacles? An obstacle is any behaviour, physical arrangement, procedure or checkpoint that makes getting work done slower without adding any actual contribution to the work. Activities that do add value to our work may be slowed down by obstacles, but are not obstacles in and of themselves. Obstacles and Waste Obstacles are the causes of waste in a process. There are many types of waste, and for every type of waste there are many possible sources (obstacles). TTyyppeess ooff OObbssttaacclleess Personal Personal obstacles are related to us as individuals. There are several levels at which these obstacles can show up. Outside factors in our lives such as illness or family obligations can become obstacles to our work at hand. These obstacles are hard to remove or avoid. Even if we would want to avoid an obstacle such as illness, it is hard to do anything about it in an immediate sense. However, as part of our commitment to the group we are working with, we should consider doing things to generally improve our health. Good sleep, healthy and moderate eating, exercise and avoidance of illness- causing things and circumstances are all possible commitments we can make to the group. Likewise, we can make sure our personal affairs are in order so that unexpected events have the least impact possible. This topic is vast and there are many good sources of information. Physical Environment Obstacles in the physical environment can consist of barriers to movement or communication, or a lack of adequate physical resources. Sometimes these obstacles are easy to see because their effects are immediate. For example, if a team room lacks a whiteboard for diagrams, keeping notes, etc., then the team may not be able to communicate as effectively. Other physical obstacles are not so obvious. The effects of physical environment can be subtle and not well-understood. Poor ergonomics take weeks, months or years for their effects to be felt... but it is inevitable. A too-small team room can lead to a feeling of being cooped up and desperation to get out... and eventually to resentment. Again this can take weeks or months.
  • 93. 91 Knowledge A lack of knowledge or the inability to access information are obstacles. A team composed of junior people who don't have diverse experience and who don't have a good knowledge of the work they are doing will have trouble working effectively. There may be barriers preventing the team from learning. Common barriers include over-work leading to a lack of time or mental energy for learning. With junior people in particular, there is a lot of pressure to be productive and that can often be at the expense of a solid foundation of learning. Other times, knowledge-related barriers can be more immediate. If a critical piece of information is delayed or lost this can have a large impact on an Agile team that is working in short cycles. The team may be temporarily halted while they wait for information. Building effective information flow is critical to a team's performance. Organizational Bureaucratic procedures, organizational mis-alignment, conflicting goals, and inefficient organizational structures can all be significant obstacles. One of the best sources of information about this is the two books by Jim Collins: "Good to Great" (Review) and "Built to Last" (Review). Cultural Sometimes the beliefs we have about how to work can become obstacles to working more effectively. These beliefs are often in place because they have been part of what we think makes us successful. Cultural assumptions can come from our families, our communities, our religious affiliation and our national identity. In organizational culture, one thing I constantly see is a public espoused value of teamwork, but a conflicting behaviour of individual performance reviews and ranking. This is cultural. It is also a barrier to the effective functioning of an Agile team. For corporate environments I highly recommend the Corporate Culture Survival Guide by Edgar Schein. Dis-Unity Dis-unity is one of the most subtle and common forms of obstacle. Competition, legal and cultural assumption of the goodness of "opposition" and habits of interaction including gossip and backbiting all combine to make united action and thought very difficult. This is an extremely deep topic. There are many tools and techniques available to assist with team building. If you are interested in this topic, I highly recommend reading "The Prosperity of Humankind".
  • 94. 92 Eliminate Waste Waste is the result of activities or environmental conditions that prevent a team from reaching its goal. The opposite of waste is something that adds value (more, faster or higher quality) to the desired result. The whole notion of eliminating waste comes from lean manufacturing. More recently, Mary and Tom Poppendieck applied this idea to software in their book "Lean Software Development: An Agile Toolkit for Software Development Managers". In this (excellent) book, the authors list the wastes of manufacturing and the wastes of software. Here I have summarized and generalized these types of wastes so that they apply in any situation: TThhee SSeevveenn WWaasstteess 1. waiting - caused by delays, unreadiness, or simple procrastination 2. partially done work or inventory - caused by sub-optimal workflow 3. extra processing or processes - caused by poor organization or bureaucracy 4. defects and rework - caused by insufficient skill, tools, inspection or filtering 5. movement of people or work - caused by physical separation 6. overproduction or extra features - caused by working towards speculative goals 7. task switching - caused by multiple commitments As wastes are eliminated or reduced, a team will function faster and with higher quality. However, not all waste can be eliminated. Sometimes waste is legislated, sometimes waste is an unavoidable by-product of work, sometimes mistakes are made, and sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to eliminate a waste. In order to eliminate waste, first waste has to be detected and identified, then the underlying causes of the waste have to be identified, and finally changes to the work environment need to be made to both eliminate the cause of the waste and the waste itself. Many agile work practices help with this process.
  • 95. 93 Value stream mapping is one particular tool that can be used by a team or organization to identify wasteful activities. The team describes the amount of time that work takes to go through each activity in their overall work process. Next, the team determines if each activity adds value or does not add value to the end goal. All activities are subject to speed improvements, and activities that do not add value are subject to elimination. In order to determine the causes of waste, special attention should be paid to incentives and motivations. Wasteful behaviour often exists because there is some incentive for people to do it. Sometimes these incentives are explicit, but sometimes they are the side-effects of other things going on in the team's environment. Changing the incentives can be an effective way of reducing waste. By eliminating waste, the team will find it has reduced frustrations, and enabled greater productivity and creativity. The team will also increase its speed and delivery of value, and at the same time reduce defects. Removing Obstacles The ability to identify obstacles and understand why they are causing problems is only the first step in removing obstacles. In Agile Work, the person primarily responsible for identifying and removing obstacles is the Process Facilitator. The Process Facilitator has several approaches available for the removal of obstacles. A process facilitator has similar responsibilities to a change agent. Direct Deal with the obstacle directly without involving other people. This can be as simple as getting up and moving an obstacle impairing vision, or as nuanced as running interviews and workshops throughout an organization to gradually change a cultural obstacle. Command and Control Identify the obstacle and give precise instructions for its removal to a person who will directly perform the removal. This can sometimes work if removing an obstacle takes a great deal of time, effort or specialized skills that you yourself do not possess. However, the overall approach of "command and control" is not recommended for Agile environments since it is disempowering. Influence Identify the obstacle and suggest means to deal with it to a person who has the authority or influence to get others to deal with it. This indirect method of obstacle removal can be slow and frustrating. However it usually has better long-term effects than command and control. Support Offer to assist and encourage the removal of obstacles that have been identified by other people. In many respects this is a very effective method. It can assist with team-building and learning by example. People are usually grateful for assistance.
  • 96. 94 Coaching Train others on the art of obstacle removal including obstacle identification, types of obstacles and strategies for dealing with obstacles. Observe people's attempts to remove obstacles and give them feedback on their actions. Creating a Culture of Obstacle Removal Encourage and measure obstacle removal at all organizational levels until it becomes habitual. In many ways this is the essence of the lean organization. SSttrraatteeggiieess ffoorr DDeeaalliinngg wwiitthh OObbssttaacclleess Diagrams are a great way of communicating the essence of a concept. Feel free to share the following diagrams with anyone (but of course keep the copyright notice on them). Remove Remove the obstacle altogether. This method of dealing with an obstacle is usually the most immediately effective, but is also one of the most difficult methods.
  • 97. 95 The best way to actually remove an obstacle is to get at the root cause of the obstacle and change that. This type of change results in the longest-lasting and most stable elimination of an obstacle. Move Aside Take the obstacle and put it in a place or situation where it is no longer in the path of the team. In a team's physical environment, this may be as simple as changing the tools that the team is using. For example, if the team is all in a room together, move computer monitors that are blocking team member's views of each other. If there is a useless checkpoint that work results have to go through, get management to eliminate it.
  • 98. 96 Shield Build a shield or barrier to hide the obstacle so that it's effects no longer touch your team. If a team is distracted by noisy neighbours, put up a sound barrier. If a team is unable to see their computers due to late afternoon sunlight, put up window shades. If a manager is bothering the team with meetings or tasks unrelated to the work of the team, then put yourself between the team and the manager (or get someone in upper management to do that). Shielding is excellent for immediate relief, but remember that the obstacle is still there and may become a problem again if the shield cannot be maintained. Transform Change the structure or form of the obstacle so that it no longer affects effectiveness.
  • 99. 97 In general, this method requires a great deal of creativity and open-mindedness. This is one that works particularly well on people who are obstacles: convert them into friends of the team! For example if the team needs approval of an expert who is not part of the team, this can cause extra work preparing documentation for this person and long delays while the expert revises the documents. If the expert becomes part of the team, then they are well-informed of the work being done and can give approval with very little overhead. If done well, this can be a very long-lasting method of dealing with an obstacle. Make sure that the transformation is true and that it takes hold... and beware that the obstacle doesn't revert back to its old nature. Counteract Find an activity that negates the effects of the obstacle by boosting effectiveness in another area. As a coach or Process Facilitator, this is what we spend our time in early in a team's adoption of Agile Work: we get them to work in the same room, use iterations and adaptive planning, we focus them on delivering work valued by the stakeholders as defined by the Product Owner. All these things are enhancing the team's ability to get work done without actually directly dealing with any obstacles. Watch out for barriers avoided this way to come back and bite you later on.
  • 100. 98 HOW TO BECOME ATTRACTIVE How attractive are you to your clients and customers? Are you attracting all the people you want to your business? How do you attract abundance in your life – in work, in friendships, in relationships? One of the best ways to attract others is to become attractive yourself. The late Thomas Leonard developed 28 Principles of Attraction that will help attract clients and customers to you. Here are the 28 Principles, from Thomas Leonard’s book, The Portable Coach, © 1998. How can you apply these in your life? 1. Become Incredibly Selfish. Without You, there is nothing and attraction isn’t possible. 2. Unhook Yourself from the Future. Attraction works in the present, not in the future. 3. Over respond to Every Event. By over responding rather than overreacting, you evolve, which is very attractive. 4. Build a Super reserve in Every Area. Having enough is not nearly enough for You to be irresistibly attractive. 5. Add Value Just for the Joy of It. When you add value because you enjoy it, people are naturally attracted to You. 6. Affect Others Profoundly. The more you touch others, the more attractive you’ll become. 7. Market Your Talents Shamelessly. If you’re embarrassed about what you do, you won’t be very attractive. 8. Become Irresistibly Attractive to Yourself. How can you attract others if you don’t feel irresistibly attracted to yourself? 9. Get a Fulfilling Life, not just an Impressive Lifestyle. A great life is attractive; a lifestyle is usually seductive. 10. Promise Little, Deliver Everything. When you consistently deliver more than was expected, new customers are drawn to you. 11. Create a Vacuum that Pulls You Forward. Being pulled forward is attractive; pushing yourself forward isn’t. 12. Eliminate Delay. Time is expensive; using too much is very unattractive. 13. Get Your Personal Needs Met, Once and for All. If you have unmet needs, you’ll attract others in the same position. 14. Thrive on the Details. Subtleties, details, and nuances are more attractive than the obvious. 15. Tolerate Nothing. When you put up with something, it costs you; unnecessary costs are unattractive. 16. Show Others How to Please You. Don’t make them guess. 17. Endorse Your Worst Weakness. When you can accept and honour the worst part of yourself, you’re more accepting of others. 18. Sensitize Yourself. The more you feel, the more you’ll notice and respond to the many opportunities in the present.
  • 101. 99 19. Perfect Your Environment. The Attraction operating system is a sophisticated system and it requires a first-class environment. 20. Develop More Character than You Need. Integrity is not enough to become irresistibly attractive. 21. See How Perfect the Present Really Is. Especially when clearly it is not. 22. Become an Unconditionally Constructive Person. High levels of respect are very attractive. 23. Orient Yourself Around Your Values. When you spend your days doing what fulfils you, You are attractive. 24. Simplify Everything. Abandoning nonessentials leaves more room for Attraction. 25. Master Your Craft. The easiest way to become successful? Become the best at what you do. 26. Recognize and Tell the Truth. The truth is the most attractive thing of all, but it requires skills and awareness. 27. Have a Vision. When you can see what’s coming, you don’t need to create a future. 28. Be Real, Be Human. When you are human, You are attractive. On the surface, these points may seem obvious – but they are not easy to master and make them a part of your life. Each requires a lot of thought, action, and a strong commitment to yourself! Leonard said that one could make a big difference by mastering just 5 of the Principles. Which ones would You choose? Interested in learning more about the Principles of Attraction and how these can make a difference in your life? Send an e-mail to: info@infiniteperspectives.com with the word “Attraction” in the subject line.
  • 102. 100 MOTIVATING INTERVIEWING. EXCERPT OF A STUDY ON THE EFFECTIVENESS OF MOTIVATING INTERVIEWING. Research question Motivating interviewing has only been applied with persons who have an alcohol or drug problem. Probably it has already been applied to other target groups, but I couldn’t find any literature on it. Motivating interviewing describes an interview style, this would be applicable in the different settings. Inside the psychogeriatry you often see ‘revolving door patients’. The motivating interviewing should be an extra support to the other therapies in the healing. This process accelerates because the client is going to think more about what he wants to achieve. This will make him intrinsically motivated. This process will not only be acted by myself, but through the whole team. The continuity is hereby important. Target I focused on psycho geriatric clients who suffer from a reactive depression. This means along Cuyvers (2001) that a depression is caused by events from outside. As people age, physical and mental changes occur. They retire, they move home or they get institutionalised. This often happens without their approval. These are extremely confrontational experiences for the elderly. It gives a reaction with this person. Everyone reacts in his own way. Godderis, Van de Ven en Wills (1992) notice several forms of coping. Regression is a fall back on the primitive dependency feelings. The elderly will demand attention and grumble. Depressive position characterizes introversion, brooding, self pity,... Denying of the physical and/ or psychic decline. Acceptation advances when there is an accordance between the ideal about oneself and the reality of getting older. Motivation There are three forms of motivation according to Dhert (2002) and Van Laere (2008). 1. The first one is intrinsic motivation, the goal of the activity lies in the activity itself. 2. Next we have the extrinsic motivation, the person expects that the activity leads to positive consequences. 3. The last form is the internalized motivation, it advances when a person wants to meet the rules and expectations of the environment. This is often present with the clients.
  • 103. 101 Motivation also has three components. The first on is readiness, the person knows what he wants and is able to make priorities. The second component is willingness, this is the degree to which someone wants change. The last one is ability, otherwise said the degree of faith that the client has in the change. (Miller & Rollnick, 2005) Motivating interviewing Motivating interviewing is an interview style. It is a client centred and directive method. It ‘s goal is to increase intrinsic motivation so that change occurs by exploring ambivalence and by solving this. (Miller & Rollnick, 2005) The general principles that are concerned are: the construction of a relationship of trust, the developing of discrepancy , the movement with the resistance and the support of the personal effectiveness. (Schippers, 2000) Inside the motivating interviewing are two marked phases. The first phase is the building of motivation to change. We do this by: asking open questions, listening reflectively, affirming the client, synthesizing and provoking language of change. The provoking of language of change can be among asking the miracle question (how would it be, if all your problems were gone?) or by looking back at the past, before the problem began. We also need to work on trust by looking back at earlier successes, underlining the strong sides and appliances, giving information and advice. When the client starts to get more notion of himself and his priorities (wishes), he can go to the next phase, which is amplify the involvement with change. The situation will be synthesized again so we can decide what has to be done, this is called recapitulation. We also have to ask open questions so the wishes and plans of the client will be provoked. The last thing we do, is give information and advice (when the client asks and gives permission). (Miller & Rollnick, 2005) Motivating interviewing is a paradoxical concept because the professional helper asks the client to go with him for a conversation. This is often an obligation. In this way it isn’t easy to get the client intrinsically motivated. That is why it is important to involve the whole team in the motivating interviewing. This will give the client the experience that everyone has the same attitude and he will develop faster. Change and resistance The model of Prochaska & Diclemente shows how a person will develop during his process of change. It has several phases. In the pre-contemplation phase the client has no intention to change something about his behaviour. He will display a lot of denial and resistance. When he passes over to the consideration phase, he starts to doubt his problem, but he places it outside himself. Thereafter he advances to the decision phase. He proceeds to change his behaviour, but he is looking for a strategy for change.
  • 104. 102 Hereafter he arrives in the action phase. In this phase he will literally change his behaviour and will decide in which way this happens. In the consolidation phase the behaviour will be made sustainable. The last phase is the decline. In this phase people backslide into their old pattern whereby they will go through the process again. (Schoofs, 2008) When there is resistance, we need to be alert so we will react correctly. This is made possible by a simple reflection, a strong reflection (reflect an exaggerated form of what the client says) or a two sided reflection (report the ambivalence). We can also change the focus, express otherwise (see information in a new light) and accentuate freedom of choice and self control whit the client. (Miller & Rollnick, 2005) Focus points These include certain elements which one must take into consideration. Restricted disease awareness and dementia result in the client not always understanding what one means. With these people a step by step approach is recommended so that not too much resistance develops . Transmission and contra transmission must be taken into consideration so that a good relationship can develop. Medication results in unpleasant complications, the client must be understood if he experiences problems. Basic attitude must be integrated so that the client can experience the motivating interviewing more quickly and so that it ‘s easier to apply. Thus it is the task of the colleges to apply motivating interviewing continually. Practical study I start with the client by taking an assessment, URICA (University Rhode Island Change Assessment). It measures the intrinsic willingness to change. By this test one can also deduce in which phase the client finds them self according to the phase model of Prochaska and Diclemente. As a result of this assessment I gain a better understanding of the client and their problem. After this I conduct various other sessions so that I can achieve intrinsic motivation step by step. The sessions are conducted with material so that the client is more easily able to speak about their problems and feelings. The sessions are insightfully organized and are therefore very demanding for the client. After this a discussion occurs so that one can go deeper into the matters raised by the client. I conduct six sessions in total, each session has a different goal. I work around the cultivation of trust, round coping or how someone deals with the events, round the creation of language change by formulating wishes and round situations where the client is little or much influenced. I lead the client on a journey of self discovery and confront him with himself by getting others to write down his characteristics. After four sessions a retest of the URICA follows to see if there is a marked evolution and to see what problems they are
  • 105. 103 now experiencing. After this I make a weekend plan with the client and ask the client to assess the therapy. It is also important to inform the team of the method being used. In this way the basic attitude can be adopted and the client will understand and accept the intervention. The execution of the practical was not simple. I had only one client that could complete the sessions because of prematurely resign. A client told me that she would change if she was younger. These people had already experienced so much change, that they were not willing to experience even more disruption. They attached much importance to the adaptation of the environment. Only in the correct environment could they fully develop and feel better about them self. I also noted that there were secondary pathologies, these made the intervention no easier. The continuity of motivating interviewing is still useful with these target group. It is also handy to make adaptations during the sessions and to give extra confirmation at the client. The willingness for participation at the therapy is remarkable different for each one. They have different reasons. Clients in the action phase can be motivated easier by concrete tasks and are capable to formulate their own wishes. Conclusion To go back to my research question I can conclude that motivating interviewing gives the client more insight into them self and their ideas. The client knows what he wants, but this is not always easy to achieve. The older clients will only change if their environment changes. Then and only then can they fully develop and participate with full enthusiasm. The goal of the therapies must be clear to motivate people. There are therefore an accumulation of factors, that insure that the client is intrinsically motivated to participate. I have experienced that motivating interviewing is an uplifting interview style. Though it must be said it is not self–evident because you must be aware of the different signals and your own reaction to the signals.
  • 106. 104 This material is copyrighted 1997 by Journey of Hearts A Healing Place in Cyberspace. Everybody is invited however to share this information with others who may benefit, but should share from the heart only and not for profit. HHooww ttoo lliivvee aa HHaappppyy aanndd RReewwaarrddiinngg LLiiffee WWaattcchh BBuutttteerrfflliieess oorr BBiirrddss.. BBee ggrraatteeffuull ffoorr ggoooodd hheeaalltthh.. DDoonn''tt iinntteerrrruupptt.. DDoonn''tt ttaaiillggaattee.. KKeeeepp iitt ssiimmppllee.. EEnnjjooyy ggoooodd ccoommppaannyy.. KKeeeepp yyoouurr pprroommiisseess.. LLiisstteenn ttoo yyoouurr cchhiillddrreenn.. BBee aa ggoooodd lloosseerr.. BBee aa bbeetttteerr wwiinnnneerr.. BBee rroommaannttiicc.. TTaakkee aa nnaapp oonn SSuunnddaayy aafftteerrnnoooonn.. NNeevveerr ddeepprriivvee ssoommeeoonnee ooff hhooppee.. BBee tthhaannkkffuull ffoorr eevveerryy mmeeaall.. NNeevveerr bbee aaffrraaiidd ttoo ssaayy,, ""II''mm SSoorrrryy.."" IImmpprroovvee yyoouurr ppeerrffoorrmmaannccee bbyy iimmpprroovviinngg yyoouurr aattttiittuuddee.. WWaavvee aatt cchhiillddrreenn oonn tthhee sscchhooooll bbuuss.. LLeeaavvee eevveerryytthhiinngg aa lliittttllee bbeetttteerr tthhaann wwhheenn yyoouu ffoouunndd iitt.. LLeeaavvee tthhee ttooiilleett sseeaatt iinn tthhee ddoowwnn ppoossiittiioonn.. TTaakkee ttiimmee ttoo ssmmeellll tthhee rroosseess.. BBee kkiinnddeerr tthhaann nneecceessssaarryy.. WWeeaarr oouuttrraaggeeoouuss uunnddeerrwweeaarr oonn aa jjoobb iinntteerrvviieeww,, oorr ttoo wwoorrkk!! TTaakkee ggoooodd ccaarree ooff tthhoossee yyoouu lloovvee.. MMaakkee iitt aa hhaabbiitt ttoo ddoo nniiccee tthhiinnggss ffoorr ppeeooppllee wwhhoo nneevveerr ffiinndd oouutt.. JJuuddggee yyoouurr ssuucccceessss bbyy tthhee ddeeggrreeee tthhaatt yyoouu eennjjooyy ppeeaaccee aanndd ggoooodd hheeaalltthh.. DDoonn''tt eexxppeecctt tthhaatt mmoonneeyy wwiillll bbrriinngg yyoouu hhaappppiinneessss EEnnjjooyy aa ggllaassss ooff ggoooodd wwiinnee..
  • 107. 105 LLiivvee ssoo tthhaatt wwhheenn yyoouurr cchhiillddrreenn tthhiinnkk ooff ffaaiirrnneessss,, ccaarriinngg aanndd iinntteeggrriittyy,, tthheeyy tthhiinnkk ooff yyoouu.. NNeevveerr rreeffuussee hhoommee mmaaddee ccooookkiieess.. RReemmeemmbbeerr ootthheerr ppeeooppllee''ss bbiirrtthhddaayyss.. SSiinngg iinn tthhee sshhoowweerr.. RReessiisstt ggoossssiipp.. DDoonn''tt nnaagg.. SSaayy ""TTHHAANNKK YYOOUU"" aa lloott.. TTaakkee ccaarree ooff yyoouurr rreeppuuttaattiioonn;; iitt iiss yyoouurr mmoosstt vvaalluuaabbllee aasssseett.. TTaakkee yyoouurr ddoogg ttoo oobbeeddiieennccee sscchhooooll.. SSllooww ddaannccee.. DDoonn''tt rraaiinn oonn ootthheerr ppeeooppllee''ss ppaarraaddee.. DDoonn''tt ppoossttppoonnee jjooyy.. WWhhiissttllee.. CCaallll yyoouurr mmootthheerr.. DDoo mmoorree tthhaann wwhhaatt iiss eexxppeecctteedd ooff yyoouu.. BBee ssoommeeoonnee''ss hheerroo.. CCoouunntt yyoouurr bblleessssiinnggss......ddaaiillyy.. EEnnjjooyy aa ssuunnrriissee,, ssuunnsseett.. Author Unknown - Last updated January 19, 1998
  • 108. 106 THE FIVE RULES OF HAPPINESS (by Burt Goldman ) What is it that makes a person happy? It is important to realize, that what makes you happy might depress another person. There are people who feel unhappy when they should be happy. Often because of guilt, a feeling they do not deserve what they have, or because of fear that they will lose what they have. Possessions are a poor measure of happiness. Possessions are subjective and relative to the individual and the individual’s viewpoint. It is better therefore to use a philosophy. For example the philosophy to eennjjooyy tthhee tthhiinnggss yyoouu lliikkee,, aavvooiidd oorr cchhaannggee tthhee tthhiinnggss yyoouu ddoo nnoott lliikkee,, aanndd aacccceepptt wwhhaatt yyoouu ccaannnnoott aavvooiidd oorr cchhaannggee by the skilful use of your viewpoint. The use of this philosophy, as embodied in the five rules, will allow you to test many problem areas in your life and find solutions. With this philosophy, you will be well on your way on your pursuit of happiness.
  • 109. 107 1. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number One: If You Like a Thing, Enjoy It. Now that seems outrageously simple. At first you might say, “That’s ridiculous, of course if I like something, I’m going to enjoy it.” But when you stop to think about it you’ll probably agree that there are many things in life that we like but don’t enjoy. The reasons we don’t enjoy things we like are (a) guilt, and (b) fear. You will not enjoy something you like if you feel guilty after having done the thing, or if you are fearful of the consequences of doing it. 2. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number Two: If You Don’t Like a Thing, Avoid It. The second rule seems simple enough, but reflect for a moment on how many people are involved with things they do not like — a job, a person, a vehicle, a type of food, any one of a thousand things — and for some reason they don’t avoid those things. “Well, I can’t avoid it. I have to work there because I need the money.” Or, “I have to be involved with this person for many valid reasons.” How many justifications can you think of for not avoiding the things you do not like to do? 3. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number Three: If You Don’t Like a Thing, and You Cannot Avoid It, Change It. Here again, the answer is simple: change it. But just as in avoidance we rationalize that we need something about it — the money, the time, the security — something is holding you to that particular thing if you don’t like it, cannot avoid it, won’t change it, but are still involved with it. 4. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number Four: If You Don’t Like a Thing, Cannot Avoid It, and Cannot or will Not Change It, Accept It. Acceptance — now there is a catch. How can you accept something you don’t like? How in the world do you accept something that is 'unacceptable'? How do you accept a situation that you’re not happy with? How do you accept a person that you’re not happy with? Well, you really don’t have to accept anything; you can, of course, be unhappy. If you don’t like it, won’t change it, cannot avoid it, and will not accept it, I guarantee that you will be unhappy. There are, however, five rules to the secret of happiness, and within the fifth lies the key. 5. Rule Number Five: You Accept a Thing By Changing Your Attitude Towards It. You are the result of your viewpoints and attitudes. Everything is relative to the person experiencing it. There are no absolutes — nothing is good, nothing bad, except as it relates to you. Nor is life good or bad. Life simply is. You change those things you wish by changing your viewpoint about them. How easy! - How difficult! Your attitudes and viewpoints are all part of your mind and once you develop the power of self mind control you will be the master of your own attitudes and viewpoints. The Power of Self Mind Control will show you how to go to the meditative level and using these five rules, you’ll find yourself on the right path on the pursuit of happiness. You’ll realize why people are unhappy.
  • 110. 108 Eventually it will become automatic, and you’ll find happiness a predominant state of mind. Once you realize the ease of acquiring this emotion, you develop an entirely new scale of highs and lows. Unremitting happiness, of course, is not a possible or desirable state. According to the principle of rhythm, there is always an inflow and outflow, an ebb tide and a flood tide. You’ll always have highs and lows — there’s no way to avoid that. However, your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher. You’ll then find that what is a happy state for you might be a state of depression for someone unaware of the Five Rules of Happiness. ____________________ The above article is a beautiful chapter from Burt Goldman's book, "The Power of Self Mind Control." You can learn more about his latest book at http://www.SelfMindControl.com Burt Goldman has also been a Silva Mind instructor teaching techniques to make the rest of your life the best of your life. To learn about Silva seminars near you just visit http://www.silvaultramindsystem.com
  • 111. 109 TOP SEVEN STRATEGIES TO BECOME THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO By lee kariuki / adapted by Dean Amory Today in life we are constantly faced with challenges: “do this, do that, try this, try that …” Believe me, the road to success and happiness is not to follow everything that everyone tells you to do! First thing you should do, is take back control of your own life. You are an individual person, with a unique identity. Your Road to success and happiness is the road that You will build, not the ones others built for you. Here are 7 important tips that I use on a consistent basis that have never failed me and I know they won't fail you either if you follow them with a precision! 11.. FFIINNDD OOUUTT WWHHAATT YYOOUU LLIIKKEE TTOO DDOO!! We have heard this repeated over and over and over: Life is beautiful! Life is abundance! Life is happiness! So why would you spend an extra minute, if not a lifetime, doing what you dread? Strike a balance, my friend! Your job may not be ideal, but for the time being, it supplies you with an income. So, for now: Do this job while you work on what you really love doing! I have come to believe that you can make a decent income in whatever you like to. But of course, you need to start with the beginning and find out what it is you would really love to do! So for you to find happiness enriched with longevity, my first tip is that you should absolutely find what it is that you love to do passionately. 2. PERFECT YOUR PASSION Once you found your passion, make it your passion! Stop wasting time and energy: focus on becoming always better in your chosen field. Read what you need to read! The world’s best specialists are at your disposal. You will be amazed at the abundance of resources out there: The library, the internet, magazines, seminaries, courses, … the list is endless. Use this wealth of information! Do your homework! And once you got started: find people with the same passion, talk about your passion, live your passion! Your zeal and desire for perfection will draw attention to you and soon you will discover opportunities to enhance your life by offering you the possibility to spend most of your time doing things you love to do. 33.. BBEE CCOONNSSIISSTTEENNTT I can not over emphasize this! I am amazed at how correct my predictions about the outcome of soccer games are! Believe me: it is no coincidence that the team that keeps taking shots at the goalkeeper most of the time also wins the game. No matter what the weather is, keep on doing what brings love and happiness to your heart! You may fail at times, but take failure only for what it is: a lesson! No sportsman ever beat a record at his first try. It takes intelligence, time, energy, commitment and confidence to keep studying and experimenting until you become as good as you want to be!
  • 112. 110 4. MONEY SHOULD NOT BE YOUR ONLY DRIVING FORCE There are things that we do simply because we want to get paid! Nothing wrong with that, but if money is the only reason why you are doing what you do, then the chance it making you happy and bringing you lasting success is very small. Let the perfection flow and the money will come! I PROMISE you! 55.. MMOONNIITTOORR YYOOUURR TTHHOOUUGGHHTTSS Focus on the end result! Regardless of the path, the destination is of the only thing that should matter! Don’t allow negativity into your life, keep your goal in mind, make it your true intention and don't worry to much about the path! 6. ELIMINATE FEAR Don't let fear be the reason you do things you have no intention to do! Instead let fear be your driving force! 7. HAVE FUN! Whatever you do, make sure you are enjoying it to the fullest! Don’t waste your time doing things you don’t enjoy; don’t waste your time making things that you do not enjoy yourself; don’t waste your time offering services you don’t believe in. You cannot sincerely hope to become happy by doing things that you don’t feel good about, can you? You cannot possibly hope to become successful in a field that you don’t even like and enjoy yourself, can you ? http://www.the-reflexions.com
  • 113. 111 60 SMALL WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE IN THE NEXT 100 DAYS By: Marelisa Fabrega Marelisa Fabrega holds a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., as well as a Juris Doctor from the Georgetown University Law Centre. She lives in the Republic of Panama. Marelisa blogs about creativity, productivity, and getting the most out of life over at Abundance Blog at Marelisa Online. She's the author of the eBooks "How to Live Your Best Life - The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List", and "Make It Happen! A Workbook for Overcoming Procrastination and Getting the Right Things Done". ____________________________________________________________________________________ Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to make drastic changes in order to notice an improvement in the quality of your life. At the same time, you don’t need to wait a long time in order to see the measurable results that come from taking positive action. All you have to do is take small steps, and take them consistently, for a period of 100 days. Below you’ll find 60 small ways to improve all areas of your life in the next 100 days. Home 1. Create a “100 Days to Conquer Clutter Calendar” by pencilling in one group of items you plan to declutter every day, for the next 100 days. Here’s an example: Day 1: Declutter Magazines Day 2: Declutter DVD’s Day 3: Declutter books Day 4: Declutter kitchen appliances 2. Live by the mantra: a place for everything and everything in its place. For the next 100 days follow these four rules to keep your house in order: 1/ If you take it out, put it back. 2/ If you open it, close it. 3/ If you throw it down, pick it up. 4/ If you take it off, hang it up. 3. Walk around your home and identify 100 things you’ve been tolerating; fix one each day. Here are some examples: • A burnt light bulb that needs to be changed. • A button that’s missing on your favourite shirt. • The fact that every time you open your top kitchen cabinet all of the plastic food containers fall out.
  • 114. 112 Happiness 4. Follow the advice proffered by positive psychologists and write down 5 to 10 things that you’re grateful for, every day. 5. Make a list of 20 small things that you enjoy doing, and make sure that you do at least one of these things every day for the next 100 days. Your list can include things such as the following: • Eating your lunch outside. • Calling your best friend to chat. • Taking the time to sit down and read a novel by your favourite author for a few minutes. 6. Keep a log of your mental chatter, both positive and negative, for ten days. Be as specific as possible: • How many times do you beat yourself up during the day? • Do you have feelings of inadequacy? • Are you constantly thinking critical thoughts of others? • How many positive thoughts do you have during the day? Also, make a note of the emotions that accompany these thoughts. Then, for the next 90 days, begin changing your emotions for the better by modifying your mental chatter. 7. For the next 100 days, have a good laugh at least once a day: get one of those calendars that has a different joke for every day of the year, or stop by a web site that features your favourite cartoons. Learning/Personal Development 8. Choose a book that requires effort and concentration and read a little of it every day, so that you read it from cover to cover in 100 days. 9. Make it a point to learn at least one new thing each day: the name of a flower that grows in your garden, the capital of a far-off country, or the name of a piece of classical music you hear playing in your favourite clothing boutique as you shop. If it’s time for bed and you can’t identify anything you’ve learned that day, take out your dictionary and learn a new word. 10. Stop complaining for the next 100 days. A couple of years back, Will Bowen gave a purple rubber bracelet to each person in his congregation to remind them to stop complaining. “Negative talk produces negative thoughts; negative thoughts produce negative results”, says Bowen. For the next 100 days, whenever you catch yourself complaining about anything, stop yourself. 11. Set your alarm a minute earlier every day for the next 100 days. Then make sure that you get out of bed as soon as your alarm rings, open the windows to let in some sunlight, and do some light stretching. In 100 days you’ll be waking up an hour and forty minutes earlier than you’re waking up now. 12. For the next 100 days, keep Morning Pages, which is a tool suggested by Julia Cameron. Morning Pages are simply three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning.
  • 115. 113 13. For the next 100 days make it a point to feed your mind with the thoughts, words, and images that are most consistent with who you want to be, what you want to have, and what you want to achieve. Finances 14. Create a spending plan (also known as a budget). Track every cent that you spend for the next 100 days to make sure that you’re sticking to your spending plan. 15. Scour the internet for frugality tips, choose ten of the tips that you find, and apply them for the next 100 days. Here are some possibilities: • Go to the grocery store with cash and a calculator instead of using your debit card. • Take inventory before going to the grocery store to avoid buying repeat items. • Scale back the cable. • Ask yourself if you really need a landline telephone. • Consolidate errands into one trip to save on gas. • Keep track of how much money you save over the next 100 days by applying these tips. 16. For the next 100 days, pay for everything with paper money and keep any change that you receive. Then, put all of your change in a jar and see how much money you can accumulate in 100 days. 17. Don’t buy anything that you don’t absolutely need for 100 days. Use any money you save by doing this to do one of the following: • Pay down your debt, if you have any. • Put it toward your six month emergency fund. • Start setting aside money to invest. 8. Set an hour aside every day for the next 100 days to devote to creating one source of passive income. Time Management 19. For the next 100 days, take a notebook with you everywhere in order to keep your mind decluttered. Record everything, so that it’s safely stored in one place—out of your head—where you can decide what to do with it later. Include things such as the following: • Ideas for writing assignments. • Appointment dates. • To Do list items 20. Track how you spend your time for 5 days. Use the information that you gather in order to create a time budget: the percentage of your time that you want to devote to each activity that you engage in on a regular basis. This can include things such as: • Transportation • Housework • Leisure • Income-Generating Activities
  • 116. 114 Make sure that you stick to your time budget for the remaining 95 days. 21. Identify one low-priority activity which you can stop doing for the next 100 days, and devote that time to a high priority task instead. 22. Identify five ways in which you regularly waste time, and limit the time that you’re going to spend on these activities each day, for the next 100 days. Here are three examples: • Watch no more than half-an-hour of television a day. • Spend no more than half-an-hour each day on social media sites, such as Facebook, Twitter, and Stumbleupon. • Spend no more than twenty minutes a day playing video games. 23. For the next 100 days, stop multi-tasking; do one thing at a time without distractions. 24. For the next 100 days, plan your day the night before. 25. For the next 100 days, do the most important thing on your To-Do list first, before you do anything else. 26. For the next 14 weeks, conduct a review of each week. During your weekly review, answer the following: • What did you accomplish? • What went wrong? • What went right? 27. For the next 100 days, spend a few minutes at the end of each day organizing your desk, filing papers, and making sure that your work area is clean and orderly, so that you can walk in to a neat desk the next day. 28. Make a list of all of the commitments and social obligations that you have in the next 100 days. Then, take out a red pen and cross out anything that does not truly bring you joy or help move you along the path to achieving your main life goals. 29. For the next 100 days, every time that you switch to a new activity throughout the day stop and ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my time at this moment?” Health 30. Losing a pound of fat requires burning 3500 calories. If you reduce your caloric intake by 175 calories a day for the next 100 days, you’ll have lost 5 pounds in the next 100 days. 31. For the next 100 days, eat five servings of vegetables every day. 32. For the next 100 days, eat three servings of fruit of every day. 33. Choose one food that constantly sabotages your efforts to eat healthier—whether it’s the decadent cheesecake from the bakery around the corner, deep-dish pizza, or your favourite potato chips—and go cold turkey for the next 100 days.
  • 117. 115 34. For the next 100 days, eat from a smaller plate to help control portion size. 35. For the next 100 days, buy 100% natural juices instead of the kind with added sugar and preservatives. 36. For the next 100 days, instead of carbonated drinks, drink water. 37. Create a list of 10 healthy, easy to fix breakfast meals. 38. Create a list of 20 healthy, easy to fix meals which can be eaten for lunch or dinner. 39. Create a list of 10 healthy, easy to fix snacks. 40. Use your lists of healthy breakfast meals, lunches, dinners, and snacks in order to plan out your meals for the week ahead of time. Do this for the next 14 weeks. 41. For the next 100 days, keep a food log. This will help you to identify where you’re deviating from your planned menu, and where you’re consuming extra calories. 42. For the next 100 days, get at least twenty minutes of daily exercise. 43. Wear a pedometer and walk 10,000 steps, every day, for the next 100 days. Every step you take during the day counts toward the 10,000 steps: • When you walk to your car. • When you walk from your desk to the bathroom. • When you walk over to talk to a co-worker, and so on. 44. Set up a weight chart and post it up in your bathroom. Every week for the next 14 weeks, keep track of the following: • Your weight. • Your percentage of body fat. • Your waist circumference. 45. For the next 100 days, set your watch to beep once an hour, or set up a computer reminder, to make sure that you drink water on a regular basis throughout the day. 46. For the next 100 days, make it a daily ritual to mediate, breath, or visualize every day in order to calm your mind. Your Relationship 47. For the next 100 days, actively look for something positive in your partner every day, and write it down. 48. Create a scrapbook of all the things you and your partner do together during the next 100 days. At the end of the 100 days, give your partner the list you created of positive things you observed about them each day, as well as the scrapbook you created.
  • 118. 116 49. Identify 3 actions that you’re going to take each day, for the next 100 days, in order to strengthen your relationship. These can include the following: • Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” to your significant other every morning. • Hug your significant other as soon as you see each other after work. • Go for a twenty minute walk together every day after dinner; hold hands. Social 50. Connect with someone new every day for the next 100 days, whether it’s by greeting a neighbour you’ve never spoken to before, following someone new on Twitter, leaving a comment on a blog you’ve never commented on before, and so on. 51. For the next 100 days, make it a point to associate with people you admire, respect and want to be like. 52. For the next 100 days, when someone does or says something that upsets you, take a minute to think over your response instead of answering right away. 53. For the next 100 days, don’t even think of passing judgment until you’ve heard both sides of the story. 54. For the next 100 days do one kind deed for someone every day, however small, even if it’s just sending a silent blessing their way. 55. For the next 100 days, make it a point to give praise and approval to those who deserve it. 56. For the next 100 days, practice active listening. When someone is talking to you, remain focused on what they’re saying, instead of rehearsing in your head what you’re going to say next. Paraphrase what you think you heard them say to make sure that you haven’t misinterpreted them, and encourage them to elaborate on any points you’re still not clear about. 57. Practice empathy for the next 100 days. If you disagree with someone, try to see the world from their perspective; put yourself in their shoes. Be curious about the other person, about their beliefs and their life experience, and about the thinking process that they followed to reach their conclusions. 58. For the next 100 days, stay in your own life and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. 59. For the next 100 days, place the best possible interpretation on the actions of others. 60. For the next 100 days, keep reminding yourself that everyone is doing the best that they can.
  • 119. 117
  • 120. 118 SOME QUOTES • Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and • suffering can the soul be strengthened; vision cleared; ambition inspired, and success • achieved.- Helen Keller • Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.- • Ralph Waldo Emerson • Genius is seldom recognized for what it is: a great capacity for hard work.- Henry Ford, • 1863 – 1947 • Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.- Anonymous • Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.- Tim Notke • How you spend your time is more important than how you spend your money. Money • mistakes can be corrected, but time is gone forever.- David Norris • I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who overcomes his enemies, for • the hardest victory is victory over self.- Aristotle • I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small • tasks as if they were great and noble.- Helen Keller • If there is anything I would like to be remembered for it is that I helped people • understand that leadership is helping other people grow and succeed. To repeat myself, • leadership is not just about you. It's about them.- Jack Welch • If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don't, you have • achieved half your failure.- David Ambrose • If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you’ll find you’ve done it.- • George B. Shaw. • Most look up and admire the stars. A champion climbs a mountain and grabs one.- • Unknown
  • 121. 119 • Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.- • Barbara Johnson • Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living, the other helps you • make a life.- Sandra Carey • One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off • living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of • enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.- Dale Carnegie • Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.- T.S. • Eliot • Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like • work.- Thomas Edison • Reputation is what people think you are. Character is who you really are. Take care of • your character and your reputation will take care of itself.- (On an American plaque) • Success is a journey, not a destination.- Ralph Arbitelle • Success is your dreams with work clothes on… - unknown • Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in • their desires to reach their potential.- John Maxwell • The middle of every successful project looks like a disaster.- Rosabeth Moss Cantor • The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.- Richard Bach • The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.- Franklin D. • Roosevelt • The purpose of life is a life of purpose - Robert Byrne • Outstanding leaders appeal to the hearts of their followers - not their minds.- Unknown • The secret of success is to do the common things uncommonly well.- John D. Rockefeller • The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have • much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.- Roosevelt • To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of • children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; • to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a • healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has • breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • 122. 120 • Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never • grow.- Ronald E. Osborn • We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.- Martin Luther • King, Jr. • Yesterday is a cancelled check; Tomorrow is a promissory note; Today is the only cash • you have, so spend it wisely.- Kim Lyons • You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.- Beverly Sills • Truth fears no trial.- Proverb • If you aren't making any mistakes, it's a sure sign you're playing it too safe.- John Maxwell
  • 123. 121 WWHHAATT IITT TTAAKKEESS TTOO EENNHHAANNCCEE YYOOUURR LLIIFFEE Happiness, Good Health, Wealth, Success, ... are wishes. Wishing for the sky won't improve the quality of your life and well-being. If wishes were horses, beggars might ride ... Neither will "wanting to succeed", "wanting to quit smoking", "wanting to lose weight" or "wanting to become more social, assertive, ..." be of much help to you. These are intentions. What it takes to be successful at enhancing your life is: GRASP IT! GRASP stands for: a Goal, a Reason, Action, a Strategy and Perseverance. Now, let's look into these elements in some more detail: GOAL Some of us may find it difficult to identify their dream, while others have so many dreams that their main problem is to prioritise among them. In either case, it is important to remember that most dreams will remain just that: dreams. Unless we prioritise and then transform our most urgent or important objective into a smart goal.. SMART, meaning: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Rewarding and Time bound or Traceable. Now, write this goal down as a positive and concrete statement. For example: I will lose 10 kilos by the end of this year and will lose 2 kilos per month. Hint: It may be a good idea to paste your goal in visible, prominent areas around you to be regularly reminded of it. REASON Motivation is very important. The path to success is almost never a smooth one. If you are not prepared for setbacks, you may discover that your goal suddenly seems a lot less important when the going gets though. Motivation is what sparked the fire in the first place. It's the reason why you selected this goal and want to achieve it. But along the way, the intensity and direction of your motivation will vary. Maybe you started your path with one important reason in mind, but discover after some time that this is not the real reason why you want to achieve this specific goal. That is o.k. as long as your reasons fuel the enthusiasm and courage that you need to learn from failure and continue toward the fulfilment of your goal. Hint: A visualization board to help you visualize yourself enjoying the benefits which you will experience once you have accomplished your goal, may prove very helpful to get you through difficult moments.
  • 124. 122 ACTION So, you have a great goal. But how exactly are you going to reach it? First thing to do is to break down your goal into manageable sub-goals. Not only will these stepping stones help you to keep things in the right perspective (- compare "half a kilo to go this month" to "still 8 kilos to go" -), but they will also make it easier to draw concrete daily action plans and to review and evaluate your progress on a regular basis. As long as you keep sight of your goal, this allows for some flexibility along the road. Hint: Once your preparations are done, don't delay: Act Right Now! And once you got started, don't stop. STRATEGY Many roads lead to Rome. Depending on your personal experiences and preferences, your strengths and weaknesses and on your actual life situation, you will have to pick a trajectory, a means of transportation, the time you want to invest in your journey, the stopping places and the mileage you want to cover each month, week and day. But don't be too hard on yourself: even the best horse will stumble from time to time. Yet, it will get back on its feet and keep going. It is likely that your initial action strategy will require some adjustment along the road. Maybe you under-estimated the time or effort needed to execute your action plan. Or changes in your life situation force you to reconsider your schedule. This implies that it may take you a little longer to achieve your goal. But, hey! You know why you changed your action plan! The important thing here is to always be honest with yourself. But, if necessary, it's even much better to adjust your goal than to throw the towel and give up. Hint: Regular reviews are important. They allow you to evaluate your progress, to adapt your daily action plan and to celebrate your victories! PERSEVERANCE You started on this path toward the accomplishment of your dream in the firm believe that you can realize your goal. Your goal is a SMART goal. You have the motivation and the right strategy to overcome any obstacles that you might encounter along the way. If you ever felt that you were a victim, by taking things into your own hands you have proven that you are determined to be the protagonist in your own life. It is not because the road is long and windy that it also should be dull and hard and lonely. Finding positive role models may be a great idea: Become inspired by people who accomplished something important. Read about them, watch positive movies. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who care about you. Hint: Share your goal with the people around you. Tell them about it and, if possible, find others that share the same goals and form a small group in which members support each other and hold each other accountable. Or find a mentor to support you. Copyright: Dean Amory, 2014
  • 128. 126 3. DEFINE HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS EElleepphhaannttss ccaannnnoott ffllyy:: KKnnooww yyoouurrsseellff YYoouu ccaannnnoott bbee tthhee bbeesstt aatt eevveerryytthhiinngg:: PPiicckk yyoouurr ttaarrggeettss
  • 129. 127 4. BE PASSIONATE CCoonnvviiccttiioonn,, ddeevvoottiioonn,, DDeevveelloopp aa wwiinnnneerr’’ss mmeennttaalliittyy AAllwwaayyss ggoo tthhee eexxttrraa mmiillee
  • 130. 128 5. DARE TO CHANGE KKeeeepp yyoouurr GGooaallss ffiirrmm,, bbuutt yyoouurr cchhooiiccee ooff rrooaaddss fflleexxiibbllee
  • 131. 129 6. BE POSITIVE
  • 132. 130 7. PLAN YOUR HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS PPllaann oonn tthhee sshhoorrtt ttiimmee aanndd oonn tthhee lloonngg ttiimmee WWhheerree aarree yyoouu nnooww?? WWhheerree wwiillll yyoouu bbee 11 yyeeaarr ffrroomm nnooww?? AAnndd iinn 55 yyeeaarrss?? WWrriittee yyoouurr ggooaallss ddoowwnn aanndd rreeaadd tthheemm eevveerryy ddaayy PPllaann wwhhaatt ccaann bbee ppllaannnneedd,, eevveenn iiff yyoouu kknnooww yyoouu wwiillll hhaavvee ttoo aaddaapptt tthhee ppllaann aafftteerrwwaarrdd
  • 133. 131 8. BE CONFIDENT DDoonn’’tt hhiiddee yyoouurr eexxppeerrttiissee AA ffeeww hhoouurrss ooff ssttuuddyy iiss aallll iitt ttaakkeess ttoo kknnooww mmoorree aabboouutt aa ssuubbjjeecctt tthhaann mmoosstt.. BBee hhaappppyy.. BBee aa ssuucccceessss..
  • 134. 132 9. LIVE TODAY NNoo oonnee ccaann ggoo bbaacckk aanndd mmaakkee aa bbrraanndd nneeww ssttaarrtt.. AAnnyyoonnee ccaann ssttaarrtt ffrroomm nnooww aanndd mmaakkee aa bbrraanndd nneeww eennddiinngg..
  • 135. 133 10. COMMIT YOURSELF NNeevveerr ggiivvee uupp
  • 136. 134 11. STUDY MMooddeell hhaappppyy aanndd ssuucccceessssffuull ppeeooppllee TTaakkee aa ccooaacchh MMoovvee iinn cciirrcclleess ooff hhaappppyy aanndd ssuucccceessssffuull ppeeooppllee RReeaadd aabboouutt yyoouurr ssuubbjjeecctt TTaallkk aabboouutt iitt SSttuuddyy
  • 137. 135
  • 138. 136 12. ACT! ACT! ACT!
  • 139. 137 13. SEE FAILURE AS AN OPPORTUNITY WWhheenn yyoouu ffaallll,, ggeett uupp:: yyoouu jjuusstt lleeaarrnneedd ssoommeetthhiinngg.. YYoouu aarree bbeetttteerr nnooww !!
  • 141. 139 15. APPLY THE FIVE RULES OF HAPPINESS 11.. TThhee ggrraassss iiss NNOOTT ggrreeeenneerr aannyywwhheerree eellssee.. LLiiffee iiss wwhhaatt yyoouu mmaakkee iitt.. AAvvooiidd tthhee ''iiff oonnllyy......'' ssyynnddrroommee aatt aallll ccoossttss.. 22.. KKeeeepp aa cclloossee wwaattcchh oonn aattttiittuuddeess.. 33.. GGiivvee yyoouurrsseellff aawwaayy ttoo ootthheerrss iiff yyoouu rreeaallllyy wwaanntt ttoo bbee hhaappppyy.. 44.. AApppprreecciiaattee ootthheerrss aarroouunndd yyoouu,, wwhhaatt yyoouu hhaavvee aanndd aallll ccrreeaattiioonn.. IItt''ss aammaazziinngg hhooww mmaannyy bblleessssiinnggss wwee hhaavvee wwhheenn wwee bbeeggiinn ttoo ccoouunntt tthheemm.. 55.. PPuutt yyoouurrsseellff wwhhoolleehheeaarrtteeddllyy iinnttoo wwhhaatteevveerr nneeeeddss ddooiinngg.. SOURCE: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/index.htm
  • 142. 140 http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Jaimelavie
  • 143. JOURNEY TO ANYWHERE sseccus YOUR ROADMAP TO SUCCES Imagine for a moment that, out of the blue, a good friend invites you to go on vacation with him. A few questions that are likely to pop up immediately are: - Is this o.k.? - Do I want to do this? - Is it safe? - Is it acceptable? - Can I afford this? values: prescribe desired behaviour, character and culture Suppose you see no objections. You will start “dreaming” now: What kind of vacation would I prefer? - and he? Beach – Exploration – Cultural – Sports – Hiking … Hotel – Touring – Camping … * mission: brief, typically one-sentence, statement defining the fundamental purpose of the enterprise and what it does to achieve the vision. E.g.: To organize a cultural city trip to a mayor European Town. * vision: concise aspirational, inspirational and measurable definition of the mid- to long- term strategic objectives and goals of the enterprise. States what you “will be” , “will achieve” or “will become” within a certain time frame. E.g.: We will go in August and visit the main museums, churches and points of interest of the town, enjoy the local kitchen, attend a cultural performance and make excursions to some nearby places of historical or cultural importance. 1
  • 144. Once you know what you want, it is time to “quantif y the vision” i.e: to become more concrete and consider what timing suits the both of you, where to go and stay and what to do there. how you will get to your destination (by car? By plane?) how you will spend your vacation time: •Which places you want to see, •what activities you want to participate in, •and when. This includes setting priorities and deciding whether you will do all things together, or whether you will combine shared activities with a personal agenda. (Strategic Analysis) * Strategic goals are broad, long-term aims that bridge the “value gap”: the difference between reality (now) and aspi ration. E.g.: We will have a good time and enjoy the highlights of early renaissance * Objectives are specific, quantifiable, realistic targets that measure the accomplishment of a goal over a specified time. E.g.: We will visit the Duomo, the Uffizzi, the Galleria Dell’Arte, The Santa Croce, The Chiesa Maria Novela, the Basilica San Lorenzo and the Orson Michele. We will see the Ponte Vecchio and the Walls of Florence, enjoy the panoramic view from the Piazza Michelangelo and visit the market at the San Lorenzo. We will also make excur-sions to Siena, Pisa and Lucca. In the evenings, we will have lunch at least once at …. And attend one Opera performance. At least half a day will be reserved for shopping. * Strategies are broad activities required to achieve an objective, control a critical success factor or overcome a barrier. E.g.: We will make reservations as much as possible beforehand, since this will be cheaper than reserving in Firenze and will also spare us the time lining up for reservation. * The success factor defines the desired outcome from a successful strategy execution. E.g.: We will return happy but content after enjoying our city trip to the fullest * Critical Success Factors are essential parts of the enterprise that must be performed or fulfilled if you are to achieve the mission, objectives and goals E.g.: The trip will be considered a success only if we achieve to visit all the places that we planned. If however a planned item has to be dropped, then we will drop the visit to the Orsonmichele and the half day reserved for shopping. If an excursion has to be dropped, we will drop the excursion to Lucca. * Tactics are specific steps to be taken by a defined person, at a certain time and at a specified cost, to implement a strategy. E.g.: You will transfer € to my bank account number XXX before end of this Month. Within 14 days from receipt, I shall buy the airplane tickets for the both of us at Voyage Agent XX Following reservations will also be booked at this occasion: We shall meet at your place on Thursday ../.. to check on the internet for Additional opportunities. 2
  • 145. After you agreed on the details of your voyage, it’s time to draw a concrete plan. Plans are made to be changed, but remember : “if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail !” (Develop the Strategy) Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday 7h00 8h00 9h00 … With everything properly agreed and planned, you now you have all the information required to start making reservations and preparations for the trip : booking travel agency, subscribing travel insurance, listing useful addresses, checking luggage, clothing, toilet articles, … mak ing sure your plants or pets will be taken care off during your vacation, that your letter box will be emptied …. (projects and actions) A week before leaving start checking all your preparations. Travel documents ready? Luggage ok? Also, reconfirm deals made: your plans and pets count on being taking care off during your vacation! (monitor and re-evaluate your projects and actions) Finally: Enjoy your Vacation ! Journey to anywhere Before going any further: may I ask you to stop for a moment and answer two little questions ? : 1. Have you noticed any important considerations that I forgot to mention in the strategical approach on the previous pages? 2. In your opinion, have I listed actions which do not contribute to assuring that you will have a successful trip to Florence? That is: suppose that you were really leaving on a trip to Florence, which of the listed actions would you NOT take ? OK, after having answered these questions, you can now proceed to the last page : About Success in Life If it takes this amount of planning to assure a successful 5 day trip, How come you are not planning and following through on your planning When it comes to assuring success for this so much more important trip, Which is : YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE ? 3