Bringing Home The Love


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Sometimes we work so hard and have so much commitment to our success we come home wounded, and forget why we got together with our partner in the first place. Was it to be parented while we worked ourselves to the bone? or was it something else...?

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Bringing Home The Love

  1. 1. Bring Home the LOVE The Nature of Great Relationships Chris Walker Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 1
  2. 2. Bring Home the Love Relationships are an integral part of work life. The measure the success of our relationship includes the success of our work life and the work life success we enjoy needs to include the quality of our love life. Including the quality of our relationships in the measure of our work life is a far more real and honest way of looking at things. Separating them is a really sad idea. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 2
  3. 3. Love is support and challenge An evolution in thought All the elements, the winds, the tides, the currents are Balance, is a very simple concept to grasp. We have two moving fluidly to sustain the balance. High pressures ears, two eyes, two nostrils, two arms, two legs. Two and low pressure areas move to balance each other. All hemispheres to the brain, two cheeks to our bum. Anything is functioning perfectly, there is nothing to be concerned that has to do with your experience of life (interpretation of about. it) is measured in two, comparison is the keynote of human existence and the foundation of all emotion, judgement, disease, fatigue, stress, infatuation and pain. In the West we wish for half truth. We try desperately to sustain uppers without downers but no matter how much religions or gurus promise, they cannot defy the universe. By looking for balance in your relationship you become Balance exists and it is called, in any language, love. aware of what is actually already there. It’s like finding the key to a jig saw puzzle. Often this means that you can appreciate your partner more. Understanding that there are If you enjoy a long period of relative complacency in two sides to everyone, means that you can counterbalance your relationship it will eventually turn the other side and any negative thoughts with positive ones. balance that time with challenge. There is no escaping it. I don’t mean to advocate that you do positive thinking. That Nature seeks balance in everything. Excess finds idea doesn’t work. Search instead for balance of positive deficiency. Uppers attract downers. Elation’s are balanced and negative and then, with a good heart, focus on the by depressions. Accepting both, this, ultimately, is the positive. foundation of love. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 3
  4. 4. Nature as a Relationship Therapist When people sit in nature and contemplate the beauty of earth, one thing is obvious, there is harmony. This harmony doesn’t need to be forced. It’s just a natural part of our DNA when we get back to the earth and feel connected. It’s a beautiful thing to see a couple sharing a moment in nature. Whether it’s a beach walk or a mountain trek or a day skiing. It doesn’t matter really. The most important ingredient however, is not where you go. It’s what you do together. To connect with nature there needs to be dependence on it. Walking down the beach might be perfect if you are having a good time but if you are looking for a deeper experience it might be better to be collecting shells, surfing or even fishing. We paddle a double ocean kayak and trek in Nepal. We depend on each other in these situations, and we have to work with nature and the elements and I can honestly say, “it’s the best therapy on earth. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 4
  5. 5. Energy at Home Bringing home your pay packet is a great achievement, especially in these difficult times. But if the cost of that pay packet is lost integrity, depression or distance from your partner, then, well maybe there are a few changes you could make. Try stopping every half hour at work and finding a few moments, say 30 seconds, of stillness. Stillness means to empty your mind, empty your heart, empty yourself and just breathe a sigh of happiness. In that moment think of your partner, connect to them non locally. The idea is to come home in a better state of mind than when you left for work. That’s what will make your relationship grow more healthy each day. Do your dirty personal laundry at work. Keep your mind calm, your back straight and your heart in good shape at the office. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 5
  6. 6. Bring Home the love It can be all a rush. Work, jump in the car, get home. But what if the energy you bring home from work is not conducive to good love? What then? When people go to work they pick up all sorts of energy from other work colleagues, clients and suppliers. They also create their own emotions and the culmination of this can come home. Bring home the love means that a person walks in the front door without that energy from work. To do this, simply separate the experience of work from the experience of home by a few minutes or a space where you can refresh. The check list for walking in the door is: 1. Have I balanced my day with good news and bad? 2. Am I finished for the night? 3. Have I rested enough to give my partner 100% focus? 4. Will my partner feel like they are the most important thing in my mind when I walk in this door to home? Being Real Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 6
  7. 7. Most people compare who they are with in relationship to who they want to be with in relationship. That ideal comparative might be a fictional character that’s not even humanly possible. The result would be continual disappointment. My mother died when I was 3. I remember her, or do I? Do I remember all the good only? Was I really old enough to know all about her? Of course not! I only remember a 3 years old perspective of my mother and I unconsciously sought and compared my relationships to that memory for many, many years. Now, instead of this, I know human nature. I know that every human being, including my partner, has every human trait and that the only thing that makes people really unique are their intent, their talents and their actions. The rest are phoney attempts people make to differentiate themselves and those are not sustainable. Relationships really do bring us back to our true nature. Intent, talent and action. The Nature of Love Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 7
  8. 8. Here’s what we can learn about evolved relationships from nature. Too many people stay in a place that is not love. They stay in relationship. Love can exist without relationship. 1/ People fall in love in a moment of Stillness - non trying Relationship can exist without love. So, the measure of 2/ If there’s no challenge there’s no relationship a great relationship by how long it lasted is a very old 3/ Emotion is made up of imbalanced perceptions paradigm. 4/ Blame doesn’t grow, heal or build relationships 5/ Love lasts -relationships sometimes don’t In nature I watch the changes take place that are essential 6/ People become how others treat them to its health. Unlike the naturalist who wants everything 7/ What people appreciate grows. What they depreciate dies in nature to survive forever, nature has no intention of 8/ Nobody does anything to us more than we do it to emulating a human emotional ideal. Nature evolves and ourselves this means specie adapt. 9/ There are seven levels of love - Gross to Subtle 10/ What people judge in others they become If relationships can sustain love by adapting to circumstance they are alive and healthy, even if there is challenge. Adapt. It means making the best of circumstances, rather than complaining or blaming them for Be honest. Are you in the right place? behaviour or mood. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 8
  9. 9. Possessive? This is my favourite confusion. When I had one relationship I decided not to be at all possessive. I really meant it. My partner complained, “you don’t really care.” In another relationship I decided to be possessive. I really wanted my partner to know I cared, she said, “stop controlling me, you have no right.” What I worked out is that possessive is good if it is in the form of the desire to be with and have lots of, time and loving, with a partner. But if possessive is jealousy or fear based then it’s toxic and will hurt both the person who is possessive and their partner. Jealousy and fear are very low emotional states and counterbalance very attractive emotional states like passion and greed. Sometimes the most passionate lover is the most jealous. People don’t understand human nature enough to see that those two emotional states are balancing partners. Inseparable. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 9
  10. 10. Looking after Yourself Single people are often fit, healthy, happy, enthusiastic, relaxed, inspired, ambitious, friendly, have a good group of friends, have plans, dreams ambitions, visions, fun nights, flirt a bit and spend time making sure they look good. They have the time for it and they are a bit lonely, so they are motivated. Lonely people get into a relationship then forget fitness, get unhealthy, be boring, lose enthusiasm, get tense, be uninspired, drop goals, drop friends, lose interest in plans, dreams and ambitions, stop going out for fun, limit connections to people because they are not lonely anymore. Then their partner dumps them because they changed so much after the relationship started and that poor person is back being single, lonely again. It is far wiser to become your own best friend and make sure that’s constant whether you’re single or double. That way your motive for love is love. Not the removal of loneliness. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 10
  11. 11. Looking after your partner Evolve Your Process The best thing you can do for your partner is be a good you. Quality control in a relationship is a significant test of virtue. There are a million excuses why we can Whatever this means to you the result of it needs to be: compromise. We say, “I’m not feeling well” or “I’m under pressure at work.” I guess there’s a short term and a long 1. Feeling generally happy with who you are term compromise, but in my experience, they both end 2. Being confident in your ability to survive your worst up causing significant loss. Why compromise? If it is fear stress at work, fix it, not by backing away from your job, 3. Having energy for life, feeling enthusiastic about the day no, that’s disaster. Fix it by raising your science of self 4. Having work that you really enjoy and find rewarding management. Looking after yourself is an ever evolving 5. Having a physical regime for exercise 3 times a week process. Instead of staying fixed in your thoughts, like I’m 6. Being your healthy weight a Taoist, or I’m a Buddhist, or I’m a Hindu, look at ways 7. Being inwardly calm and centred of learning more adding more to your self management 8. Feeling positive about life and the future process. Compromise in relationship is usually caused 9. Having friends outside your relationship because a person is fixed in their approach to life and stress 10. Enjoying a hobby or activity that inspires you and pressure. There are different techniques and they are all 11. Making a contribution to the world targeted for specific levels of stress. As stress goes up, so 12. Having a long term goal set you are working toward do the techniques. Don’t back away from work stress, learn 13. Having a picture of the future that includes your partner. better ways to handle it. Evolve process. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 11
  12. 12. Be interested without interfering If you didn’t ask for advice don’t listen to it. If you weren’t asked for advice, don’t give it. At home at least this is a wise way to find balance. If people think they are superior to their partner they start advising them about how to change their life or work. This is often done with loving kindness and good intent but it is not healthy in a balanced relationship. If people are asked for advice then their partner is open. If people are not asked for advice and they give it, then, it is really like trying to coat the world in leather rather than wear leather shoes. Relationship is not ownership. If people get too attached to their partner’s lifestyle and try to manage it, then, this is more like playing parent. It is good and giving but maybe the cost is romance and intimacy. Nobody really gets aroused by the idea of a partner as a parent. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 12
  13. 13. Respect for effort For tolerance and shear tenacity, my first wife deserves a medal. I’d come home exhausted and stressed from trying to build the business all day and I’d have nothing left. For the partner I had just after my divorce, she deserves a medal for listening to me moan about my ex wife, when I should have been giving her my best. For the partner I had just after my second partner just after my divorce, she deserves a medal for being with a man self-obsessed and going through therapy. Too spun out to give her what she deserved. For the partner I had just after the partner I had just after the one after the divorce, she deserves a medal because I was travelling the world meditating and being too spiritual to notice that I wasn’t turning up to give her what she deserved. The partner I had, just after that one, she got the worst of it because she thought I was over all that and I was, just in time to discover that I had so much to give the world in such a short time I forgot to bring home to her what she deserved. Now it’s different, I’ve learned from all this. High cost education don’t you think? Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 13
  14. 14. Partitioning can be dangerous Love is the best Religion People are taught how to put aside their emotions so that In the thirty five years I have now clocked up helping they can get a day’s work done. Or, to put aside their work people improve their lives, the single and greatest anomaly so they can have a night of love. This seems to work for has been the difference between people’s religion, spiritual some people. practices and their relationships. Or better put, what people speak and what people do. It manifest most in the way people act toward their partner and work colleagues and In more advanced societies, where things are not so what they say the world should be like. It’s like that adage, intellectual, such partitioning would be considered corrupt. what we can’t do, we teach. There’s a lot of rhetoric in our In these societies mind is mind, and hiding some thought world and all too often action doesn’t match it. or emotion is inauthentic self awareness. In fact, they would claim that this partitioning is a fiction. That, in fact, we are only deluding ourselves if we think that our The essence of the divine is in people’s eyes and for me, hidden emotions are not felt and our hidden worries are not this is the perfect place worship. It’s not so fanatical, or affecting our heart. righteous but at least it’s genuine and real. If I can’t see God in the eyes of humanity, how can I expect to see God in a wooden statue? There are fast effective process to sort out worry and emotion. I think these are more honest and authentic rather than use partitioning. Maybe partitioning is a good back up I learnt this by seeing the sacred in nature, in everything if the worry or emotion is in emergency overload but I’d that is part of nature. say this, in a heathy leader, should happen, once or twice a year, at most. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 14
  15. 15. Beware Personal Growth Seminars Although I run personal growth seminars myself, I am not a great fan of them. There are two reasons: The first is that the teacher is being paid, and therefore is earning a living from that presentation. This means that there is a compromise between what they might say if they just opened their heart, and what they do say, if they want to win the acceptance and therefore money from, the audience. The second is that group dynamics cause people to do all sorts of tricks that they themselves don’t even understand. I have worked with people one to one and seen them all too often become a different being in a group session. This has positive and negative consequences. Sometimes groups help people feel safe and sometimes the louder voices, the more intellectual or more emotional people distract the whole group and waste people’s valuable time. It’s a complex learning environment when it comes to emotional and personal issues. Personal Growth... Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 15
  16. 16. Detachment Who are you? And Where are you going? For many people, the lack of an authentic answer to these two questions, (the most important personal questions you can ask), leads them to be in a relationship. They replace those answers with, “I am a wife or husband and I am going into the future with my partner.” This is like a sucker fish on the back of a whale. There is nothing wrong with it. It doesn’t bother the whale. But this individual who cannot answer those two questions, and attaches themselves to a partner, will have a very unstable emotional, mental and physical life. People might go to a thousand doctors, start 100 careers, have children and donate money to charity but if they are attached to a partner to avoid those questions happiness will avoid them. They will not be able to relax, their mind will be always uncertain. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 16
  17. 17. Home Do I like myself? My home is my temple. I work from home. Live from Sometimes I didn’t like myself. In those times my home. Make love in my home. Rest in my home. I don’t relationship was a really difficult thing. If I didn’t like have a separation between the inside and the outside of my myself, why would anyone else? And if they did, they were home foolish. My home includes the park nearby as well as Sydney I used to tell lies so that I could stay in my relationship. I’d harbour. My home includes the back yard, which extends do one thing and say another. I thought it was completely all the way from Sydney to New York and the front yard is OK, because it made me happy, and my partner didn’t in Nepal in the Himalayas. My home is not a box made of know. But I knew. And I didn’t like what I knew, even if bricks. My home is nature, the whole universe is my home, I collapsed it, or justified it or rationalised it. I didn’t like and yours. other people who lied to me, so how could I like me who lied to others? It’s all pretty simple really. My home is where my heart is open. The more I like being who I am the more I can like being liked for who I am. Many people don’t have this issue. But I try to make that everywhere. I did, for 34 years and more. I really believed that what people didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It does. So now, I’m not as naive as before, I don’t deliberately hurt people by being the person I don’t like. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 17
  18. 18. Soul Mates When you go to the bathroom and strip down all your clothes, who do you see? Are you happy to see it? When you sit alone in nature with nothing to do, no one to talk to, no ipod to listen to. Alone with nothing to do. Do you like that feeling of being with you? When you do something wrong, or when something goes really bad for you, a personal disaster, how do you feel about it? Do you feel like the captain going down with the ship or do you feel like the balloonist watching from above? How does it feel when things go wrong. In order to recognise your soul mate in life I’ve found that I need to be in a healthy space otherwise I get soul mates mixed up with great escapes, blind dates, old issue retakes and movie remakes. A mate at soul level requires that we know ourselves at soul level, and that, in essence, is a whole lotta love, before we go out. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 18
  19. 19. Protecting Relationships Sometimes I look into my partner’s eyes and see so much pain. I’ve obviously neglected her or done something to offend her. Mostly, it is from being too self-absorbed. That’s like the squeaky wheel management system where we oil the wheel because it’s making a noise. Waiting for my partner to be sad or upset in order to do the right thing is really dumb. Sometimes it’s my wheel that’s squeaking but I oil hers. Like something is wrong, so it must be her. That’s even more dumb. Mostly my relationship problems emanate from my work. If I am not happy at work I demand too much at home. If I am happy in my work I sometimes get complacent at home. I had to set the boundaries really tight on how I act toward my partner so that I could avoid passing on my work related challenges and supports to her. She deserves better than that, even if she’s willing to tolerate it. I know eventually, the wheel will squeak, or scream Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 19
  20. 20. Stillness Evolve I evolve my relationship everyday. I ask, “how can I give One of nature’s most powerful meditation gifts is the art of more love?” stillness. In all the years I have been practicing meditation and yoga, I have yet to find a practice so powerful, so natural and so easy to achieve this amazing state. Once I thought to improve my relationship I needed to spend more time in it. That’s so primitive because if I was a bad partner more time simply means I would be better Stillness means in body, mind and spirit. Body is under at being a bad partner. Doing it wrong for longer makes control of the mind, mind is under control of the spirit. things worse. Most people have all three lose in the paddock at the same time. They don’t know which way to turn. This is called inner turbulence, mind noise, worry, anxiety, emotional One guy said to me after a workshop, “I thought I’d been instability and depression. married for 20 years, but now I realise, I’ve been married one year, twenty times.” He’d repeated the same patterns, same approach, same mistakes for 20 years. What a missed In stillness people fall in love. If a couple find stillness in opportunity. their heart they fall in love over and over and over again. I think this is the most important process for a love filled relationship and healing an existing one. It is also perfect for the single person who wants to attract the partner that is right for them. Stillness is emptiness. I want nothing, I need nothing and therefore I have everything. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 20
  21. 21. Avoiding aggression - dealing with righteousness In my family, Dad was always right. There was no grey. Then my sister got it, she was always right. Then I got it. But we were not always right. We were just strong enough to convince people that we were always right. Nobody is ever right. We are always right and wrong in the same breath. I think being right is a way through struggle and insecurity but there’s no space for a partner when we are always being right. No real intimacy. As we grew up we learned to let go of this being right thing. However, many fundamentalists have this righteousness at the core of their social beliefs and therefore cannot integrate in a broader society. In nature, there’s always duality. With the exception of love. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 21
  22. 22. Ego Nothing To Change - Professor Austin was an old, wrinkly, loving man whose We treat others as we treat ourselves. If we can accept daughter was a great friend (at least until my divorce ourselves we can accept others. from my first wife). I was a hippie at University studying ecology. One night, over about 6 bottles of red wine, Your partner wants to be with someone who likes him or as Professor used to enjoy most nights, he and I had her. They don’t want to be always trying to please you. an intense debate. In the heat of it, I was really getting If people can’t accept themselves then, they can’t accept overheated when he turned to his wife and said, “I think others. This feels like rejection, even if it is not. this man is having us on.” I burst into tears. The weirdest reaction. What I realised years later was that I had no Rejection is a turn off. Acceptance is a turn on. When identity without the arguments for my beliefs. He was the a person suddenly feels accepted they are aroused. first person to ever strip me of my attachment to my ego. Appreciation is a natural aphrodisiac. Without my ideas, beliefs and arguments, who was I? This whole idea comes to one major sticking point. If we It’s hard to be an open minded, and therefore an open accept ourselves as perfect, and therefore others as perfect, hearted person if we define ourselves by what we think just as they are, then, what is there to change and what will because we become obsessed with our ego, always wanting motivate us? to be right, fearful of being wrong: always looking for the moral high ground. Try it and see.... Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 22
  23. 23. Trust I call trust the silk thread of relationship. You can break my heart, you can do all manner of things and as long as I hold trust, I can love you and live with you forever. But, if I lose trust in you. If my trust is betrayed or I betray yours, then we are through. That silk threat is, in my experience, not repairable. I have seen people live in relationship and love each other without trust. They have said, “I can’t trust my partner but I love that part of them.” In this way, the silk thread of trust is no longer important. Lost trust makes people feel superior. And if we feel superior or inferior to someone then we cannot have a love filled relationship with them. Only friendship. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 23
  24. 24. What is sacred - The love or the relationship? Separating Love and Relationship On a mountain top in Nepal, with my heart thumping and A beautiful discovery is that we can fall in love with many, my body hanging over a 1,000 meter drop, what would many, many, many people. The dark side of that is what we I say to this question? What is sacred - my love or my do about it. relationship? I’d say my relationship. When I was young, falling in love meant automatically that I was no longer in love with who I was with. So, I’d dump Sitting in the lounge of my Sydney apartment, looking out my current relationship and move to my next one. over the Harbour Bridge on a beautiful sunny day, enjoying a glass of wine, what would I say to the same question? By the age of 50 I realised this was not going to work. I’d say love. It only took 35 years to discover that falling in love is a really natural and beaut thing, but I don’t have to possess What is the difference? everyone and everything I fall in love with. Of course, possession has many forms but for me it was often a relationship and usually involved sexuality. That’s a lot of falling in love’s in my life. I don’t regret the falling in love part, in fact I do it daily even now, but what I have changed is the need to bring home or even talk to all the people I fall in love with. Phew... Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 24
  25. 25. In or Out The most common question people ask me is - In or out? Should I stay or should I go? My most simple answer is: “if you have to ask that question, then you’ve already answered it.” Until there is no question, we are best to stay. Sometimes the real purpose of our relationship can only come out by journeying through an awful challenge. It’s when you get to the other side of that challenge, and there is no compelling cause for you to be considering stay or go. You may choose that it is time to go. I always say to people, “Don’t leavem till you lovem” And love, in this case means, unconditionally. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 25
  26. 26. The Nature of Relationship Healthy love life comes from a healthy love of life. I think it is a real bonus for a relationship to celebrate nature together. It is, in my opinion an antidote to the technology, ambition and competitive environment we live When I work really well and be creative, inspired and in. enthusiastic about my work, my love life thrives too. The opposite is unfortunately true. I do think that too much TV, too many phone calls, not enough self alone time and the invasion of advertising in When I feel love for nature, I feel love for my life and my our relationships demands some countermeasures. Bringing relationship really skyrockets in affection and intimacy. nature into our home is the first step. Plants, pictures, music, aquariums, pets and soft furnishings are perfect When the world gets me down, I really struggle at home. steps. Then add the laws of nature to your thinking and finally, step out into a dependency on each other in nature. For example: • Surfing together • Beach walking together • Sea Kayak together (use a double) • Cycling together • Trekking together. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 26
  27. 27. Reinventing Ourselves Staying Sane Each year we evolve. We’re different each year but In the bush everything is different. I am different, everyone sometimes our relationships don’t evolve with us. So, seems different. We’re more generous in nature, more open, they become like a heavy weight around our shoulders, or, more creative. That’s just because we feel safe, even when worse still, boring. it’s dangerous in nature. I think its really important to reinvent yourself annually. I trust nature. It treats me the same as the next person. This in essence means to revisit your inspirations in life. I feel safe in nature, more creative, more visionary. It’s Find out what you want, what you like and don’t like. To less emotional because there’s just no value in emotion look at your hair style, clothes, home and work style. in nature. I take people into nature. They usually love it. I teach the laws of nature to bring nature to people. It’s possible to be immersed in nature even in the middle of a It’s a big ask for two people to remain intrigued with each city. You just have to implement the laws of nature in your other for same old same old for many years. If we were thinking and then nature is all around. in nature we’d be naturally adapting to the weather, and all sorts of nature’s little tricks so, we’d be the same but different each year. Staying sane means avoiding depressions and other debilitating mind states. There are many nature based techniques for this but the best is getting your hands dirty. We need to be the same but different too. Getting into nature and really playing, working with it, depending on it. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 27
  28. 28. Turning Up Love Grows Like in Wilson’s Promontory in Victoria, Australia and I’m doing a bush walk all by myself, trying to clear my head, 10 years ago, I abandoned the self help industry to focus but not doing so good at it, when there, three inches from more on nature and natural process for life. One reason the toe of my outstretched boot, a massive 8 foot long black I did this switch was because for most of the people I snake, head compressed and totally ready to strike. Now, met in self help, they were going around in circles. They when that happened I couldn’t tell you how long I stood on loved, but they just loved the same amount and moved it to one foot frozen so it wouldn’t bite, but let me tell you this, I different people and different things. didn’t think about my “big work problems” too much. It’s my experience that if love is not growing in a relationship or in a life, then that person is actually going backward. In nature, everything expands. So, natural love is always getting more and more. In nature, the least love you’ll ever feel for your partner is the first love, it just grows. If your love feels the same for your partner after a few years, you can know that you are going backward and there’s a tsunami on the way. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 28
  29. 29. Unlearning Judgement Everything has a purpose There are few turn off greater than judgement. At work you There is a reason for everything. A reason to meet someone might have to use your left brain all day, then, when you and a reason to stay with someone. Nature is a reasoning come home to a relationship you might struggle to turn that essence. left brain off and have the right brain active. That brings huge judgement into your home. Sometimes we meet someone and there’s love but the relationship doesn’t last. I stayed in some relationships far Relationships thrive on right brain creative experience. too long. I stayed in others not long enough. Work often thieves on logical left brain experiences. So, people need a really good process to switch across. Every relationship has a purpose and when that purpose is complete, so is that relationship. This is why it is important When I take some people to Nepal, it takes them 5 or 6 to know how to get out of a relationship with the same days to switch across from left to right brain. When they enthusiasm and love that you went into it with. do, they are almost different people. More loving, more open, more creative. Barriers to entry to a relationship are small, barriers to exit are huge. It is not a matter of easy come easy go, it is I can’t imagine what a rut they must be in at home and at a matter of staying in for all the best reasons. A purpose, work with such a clunky switching mechanism. greater than self. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 29
  30. 30. Facing Frustra A frustra is a period of time in life that is filled with My partner is like a full moon. I can see her with beauty frustration. Almost like a glass ceiling on life. It can come and joy or I can see her as a nuisance, annoying or in the form of blocked emotion, blocked inspiration, frustrating. I learned that it is better not to blame my blocked affection, blocked intimacy, blocked love: these partner for this shifting perception but rather to accept that are frustra. Areas and times where judgements need to be I’m projecting my inner stuff onto her. unlearned. It is really my work. Frustra are the worst time to leave a relationship, or leave Don’t blame the Moon a job or make a choice of any kind. Nature evolves us with frustra - challenge and it’s better to get through it before I used to say, “look how you made me feel.” Now I say, making radical life choices. “Look what I am feeling.” In the first scenario I assumed that I felt nothing until my partner did something to If the moon is full and you are having a candle lit dinner provoke my feelings. In the second scenario, I assume with your loved one, this moon is perfect. If you are trying I already feel things but don’t know it until my partner to get some sleep and the dogs are barking all night because triggers it. of that full moon, then the very same moon is a total nuisance for disturbing the dogs. One is thankful, one is blame. One creates love. Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love 30
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