Practice IRs from Class 134

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Practice IRs from Class 134

  1. 1. How would you correct these? From Class 134 practice IRs
  2. 2. What would you change?• After speaking with Kaufman I provided him with the case number and advised him that I would speak with his neighbors in regards to this incident.
  3. 3. What would you change?• After speaking with Kaufman I provided him with the case number and advised him that I would speak with his neighbors in regards to this incident.• After speaking with Kaufman, I provided him with the case number and advised him that I would speak with his neighbors in regards to this incident. Insert a comma after an introductory phrase.
  4. 4. What would you change?• Bondor said the two subjects did not live in the neighborhood, they only spent about an hour in the area and the activities had been going on for about a month and a half now.
  5. 5. What would you change?• Bondor said the two subjects did not live in the neighborhood, they only spent about an hour in the area and the activities had been going on for about a month and a half now.• Bondor said the two subjects did not live in the neighborhood. They only spent about an hour in the area, and the activities had been going on for about a month and a half now. 1. Comma splice / 2. Conjunction & independent clauses.
  6. 6. What would you change?• She said he is fair skinned and had a barbed wire tattoo around his left arm.
  7. 7. What would you change?• She said he is fair skinned and had a barbed wire tattoo around his left arm.• She said he was fair skinned and had a barbed wire tattoo around his left arm. Use past tense verbs.
  8. 8. What would you change?• Upon arrival, I interviewed the complainant, Melvin Lutherman.
  9. 9. What would you change?• Upon arrival, I interviewed the complainant, Melvin Lutherman.• Upon arrival at XXXX hours, I interviewed the complainant, Melvin Lutherman. Don’t forget your time stamps.
  10. 10. What would you change?• The first suspect is a white male between 6-00 and 6-04 with red hair and a pale complexion.
  11. 11. What would you change?• The first suspect is a white male between 6-00 and 6-04 with red hair and a pale complexion.• The first suspect is a white male between 6’ and 6’04” with red hair and a pale complexion. Use accepted units of measure.
  12. 12. What would you change?• Upon my arrival at 1350 hours, I contacted the Complainant Frederick Norman Kruhm.
  13. 13. What would you change?• Upon my arrival at 1350 hours, I contacted the Complainant Frederick Norman Kruhm.• Upon my arrival at 1350 hours, I contacted the complainant, Frederick Norman Kruhm. Watch capitalization & commas
  14. 14. What would you change?• On June 30, 2009 at 13:55 hours, I was dispatched to respond to 1100 Sykesville Road, Apartment 110 in Eldersburg, Carroll County Maryland 21784 in reference to a possible CDS sale.
  15. 15. What would you change?• On June 30, 2009 at 13:55 hours, I was dispatched to respond to 1100 Sykesville Road, Apartment 110 in Eldersburg, Carroll County Maryland 21784 in reference to a possible CDS sale.• On June 30, 2009 at 1355 hours, I was dispatched to respond to 1100 Sykesville Road, Apartment 110 in Eldersburg, Carroll County Maryland 21784 in reference to a possible controlled dangerous substance (CDS )sale. Military time has no colon.Write out instead of using jargon. Abbreviate future reference.
  16. 16. What would you change?• On June 30, 2009 at 1333 hours, I was dispatched to 1100 Sykesville Rd., Apt 110 for suspicious activity.
  17. 17. What would you change?• On June 30, 2009 at 1333 hours, I was dispatched to 1100 Sykesville Rd., Apt 110 for suspicious activity.• On June 30, 2009 at 1333 hours, I was dispatched to 1100 Sykesville Rd., Apt 110, Eldersburg, Carroll County, Maryland 21784 for suspicious activity. Always use complete address including county & zip.
  18. 18. What would you change?• Kumar said she doesn’t know the tag numbers of the vehicles.
  19. 19. What would you change?• Kumar said she doesn’t know the tag numbers of the vehicles.• Kumar said she did not know the tag numbers of the vehicles. Do not use contractions and put verbs in past tense.
  20. 20. What would you change?• The first individual described by Scarburgh was a white male, 5 feet 8 inches and weighing 180lbs.
  21. 21. What would you change?• The first individual described by Scarburgh was a white male, 5 feet 8 inches and weighing 180lbs.• The first individual described by Scarburgh was a white male, 5 feet 8 inches and weighing 180 lbs. Always have a space between the number & unit of measure.
  22. 22. What would you change?• one of the suspects is 6 00 and built thin has tattos on both his arms, and wears a green bandana.
  23. 23. What would you change?• one of the suspects is 6 00 and built thin has tattos on both his arms, and wears a green bandana.• One of the suspects was 6’ and built thinly, had tattoos on both his arms, and wore a green bandana. Type & spell check in word processor. Then copy and paste. And use past tense verbs.
  24. 24. What would you change?• There were between their late 20’s and early 30’s in age.
  25. 25. What would you change?• There were between their late 20’s and early 30’s in age.• There were between their late 20s and early 30s. Use apostrophes only for possessives. Don’t state the obvious (in age).
  26. 26. What would you change?• Upon arrival at 1505 hours, I spoke with the complainant, Deborah Ann Boehl, female, white, date of birth 6/23/1956, who stated that she has been living at 1100 Sykesville Road, Apartment 110 for approximately 6 months.
  27. 27. What would you change?• Upon arrival at 1505 hours, I spoke with the complainant, Deborah Ann Boehl, female, white, date of birth 6/23/1956, who stated that she has been living at 1100 Sykesville Road, Apartment 110 for approximately 6 months.• Upon arrival at 1505 hours, I spoke with the complainant, Deborah Ann Boehl, who stated that she has been living there for approximately 6 months. Don’t repeat caption information.
  28. 28. What would you change?• I advised her that when workload permitted, myself along with other troopers, would create a presence in the area.
  29. 29. What would you change?• I advised her that when workload permitted, myself along with other troopers, would create a presence in the area.• I advised her that when workload permitted, I, along with other troopers, would create a presence in the area. This one is a toughy – see next slide.
  30. 30. I, Me, Myself• Which of these sounds correct to you? 1. The Captain handed the medals to my partner and myself. 2. The Captain handed the medals to my partner and I. 3. The Captain handed the medals to my partner and me.
  31. 31. I, Me, Myself• Which of these sounds correct to you? 1. The Captain handed the medals to my partner and myself. 2. The Captain handed the medals to my partner and I. 3. The Captain handed the medals to my partner and me.• “Me" is a always a direct or indirect object (never a subject).• "I" is always a subject--that much doesnt sound too far-fetched, and it rules out the 2nd example.• "Myself" is a special object (direct or indirect), to be used only when the subject is you (note I didnt write "...when the subject is yourself").• I can give a gift to myself since I am the one doing the giving. The Captain can never "give a gift to myself" since the subject is the Captain.
  32. 32. What would you change?• On June 30, 2009 at 1621 hours, I was dispatched to respond to 1100 Sykesville Rd, apartment 1100, Sykesville, Maryland in reference to suspicious activity.
  33. 33. What would you change?• On June 30, 2009 at 1621 hours, I was dispatched to respond to 1100 Sykesville Rd, apartment 1100, Sykesville, Maryland in reference to suspicious activity.• On June 30, 2009 at 1621 hours, I was dispatched to respond to 1100 Sykesville Rd, Apartment 1100, Sykesville, Carroll County, Maryland 21784 in reference to suspicious activity. Elements of an address at capitalize (proper nouns). Don’t leave out any part of the address.
  34. 34. What would you change?• Rose said the two men are on the corner for approximately one hour, but have at least five to nine other males meet them.
  35. 35. What would you change?• Rose said the two men are on the corner for approximately one hour, but have at least five to nine other males meet them.• Rose said the two men were on the corner for approximately one hour and had at least five to nine other males meet them. No comma before and (one is not independent clause). Change but to and. Use past tense verbs.
  36. 36. What would you change?• Kruhm witnessed the youths pass something in to the cars that stopped and the cars pass something back to the youths.
  37. 37. What would you change?• Kruhm witnessed the youths pass something in to the cars that stopped and the cars pass something back to the youths.• Kruhm witnessed the youths pass something in to the cars that stopped and the people in the cars pass something back to the youths. Think about what your subject actually is. Who is doing the action?
  38. 38. What would you change?• I also told Dooley that if he had any problems or other details that he could call the Westminster Barrack and they could sent a car out to check out any more suspicious activity.
  39. 39. What would you change?• I also told Dooley that if he had any problems or other details that he could call the Westminster Barrack and they could sent a car out to check out any more suspicious activity.• I also told Dooley that if he had any problems or other details that he could call the Westminster Barrack, and they could send a car to check out any more suspicious activity. Independent clauses & conjunctions – use comma. Check verb tense – this one is the possible future.
  40. 40. What would you change?• Dooley said the suspicious activity occurred everyday at the same time over the past week.
  41. 41. What would you change?• Dooley said the suspicious activity occurred everyday at the same time over the past week.• Dooley said the suspicious activity occurred every day at the same time over the past week. Everyday – means commonplace. Every day – means each day. If you can use each day, then it’s two words – every day
  42. 42. What would you change?• Upon my arrival at 1610 hours, I made contact with the complainant. Lutherman advised me of the activity happening on his property.
  43. 43. What would you change?• Upon my arrival at 1610 hours, I made contact with the complainant. Lutherman advised me of the activity happening on his property.• Upon my arrival at 1610 hours, I made contact with the complainant, Melvin Lutherman. Lutherman advised me of the activity happening on his property. Introduce who your complainant is.
  44. 44. What would you change?• Kaufman said that none of his other neighbors are home when the two suspects have been sighted.
  45. 45. What would you change?• Kaufman said that none of his other neighbors are home when the two suspects have been sighted.• Kaufman said that none of his other neighbors were home when the two suspects have been sighted. Use past tense verbs.
  46. 46. What would you change?• The complainant informed me of other neighbors seeing the suspicious activity. He referred to talk to Bill Dooley; his next door neighbor.
  47. 47. What would you change?• The complainant informed me of other neighbors seeing the suspicious activity. He referred to talk to Bill Dooley; his next door neighbor.• The complainant informed me of other neighbors seeing the suspicious activity. He referred me to talk to Bill Dooley, his next door neighbor. Proofread to make sure words are not left out. Comma not semi colon.
  48. 48. What would you change?• Dooley described the males as 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, black hair and black or hispanic.
  49. 49. What would you change?• Dooley described the males as 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, black hair and black or hispanic.• Dooley described the males as 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, black hair and black or Hispanic. If a word names a people of a certain country or ethnicity, then capitalize - Hispanic. Capitalize African American or Caucasian, but don’t capitalize black or white.
  50. 50. What would you change?• Every day between 0900 hours and 0930 hours, the same white gentleman and the same black gentleman stood by the generator in front of the apartment entrance.
  51. 51. What would you change? • Every day between 0900 hours and 0930 hours, the same white gentleman and the same black gentleman stood by the generator in front of the apartment entrance. • Every day between 0900 hours and 0930 hours, the same white male and the same black male stood by the generator in front of the apartment entrance. Use male or man, female or woman.Gentleman and lady have connotations unsuitable for suspects.
  52. 52. What would you change?• Crisp was unsure of the specific model and make but descried the vehicle as a dark colored Cadillac equipped with four doors.
  53. 53. What would you change?• Crisp was unsure of the specific model and make but descried the vehicle as a dark colored Cadillac equipped with four doors.• Crisp was unsure of the specific model and make but described the vehicle as a dark colored Cadillac with four doors. Watch for correct word. Be aware of the meaning of equipped in terms of cars.
  54. 54. What would you change?• Upon my arrival at 1408 hours, I made contact with Frederick Norman Kruhm.
  55. 55. What would you change?• Upon my arrival at 1408 hours, I made contact with Frederick Norman Kruhm.• Upon my arrival at 1408 hours, I made contact with the complainant, Frederick Norman Kruhm. Identify the characters of your story. Your narrative has to clearly identify who each person is.
  56. 56. What would you change?• Roads continued to explain that the two men are always shaking hands with other members of the group as they join and leave the group.
  57. 57. What would you change?• Roads continued to explain that the two men are always shaking hands with other members of the group as they join and leave the group.• Roads continued to explain that the two men were always shaking hands with other members of the group as they joined and left the group. Use past tense verbs.
  58. 58. What would you change?• Rose said “It appears they are exchanging something because people dont shake hands that often.”
  59. 59. What would you change?• Rose said “It appears they are exchanging something because people dont shake hands that often.”• Rose said “It appears they are exchanging something because people don’t shake hands that often.” Contractions use apostrophes – this one is okay because it quotes someone.
  60. 60. What would you change?• Luterman said the men appear to be in their late twenty’s to early thirty’s.
  61. 61. What would you change?• Luterman said the men appear to be in their late twenty’s to early thirty’s.• Luterman said the men appear to be in their late twenties to early thirties. Remember – it’s not possessive – it is describing a range.
  62. 62. What would you change?• After knocking on several doors, no one answered.
  63. 63. What would you change? • After knocking on several doors, no one answered. • I knocked on several doors, and no one answered.Was commas splice before with no clear subject – passive voice Rewrite in active voice and make subject clear.
  64. 64. What would you change?• These individual’s behavior is consistent with possible drug or other illegal activity.
  65. 65. What would you change?• These individual’s behavior is consistent with possible drug or other illegal activity.• These individuals’ behavior is consistent with possible drug or other illegal activity. Make the subject agree with the preposition.
  66. 66. The End

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