Braai etiquette - The rules are simple!

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A Braai is a serious event so treat it that way.

A Braai is a serious event so treat it that way.

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  • 1. BR RAAI Etiquette I e - the rules ar simple! e reMak an effort when you purchase your m ke meat. A BRAAI is a serious event, sotrea your sho at opping that way too. In the go t ood old day the butc ys cher was a close as as sfamily so to sa Today things are s much ea ay. t so asier and impersonal.Shop racks have been re eplaced wit faces wit the cons th th sequence tthat today’s generatio has no onidea what real good mea is all abo a at out. If a p product is wwell packed then it au d utomaticall is good lyenouugh to braai. Bullsh hit!! So if y you know f fuck-all abo meat, ask your b out butcher.There is no su uch thing as “too hot a fire”. H a t tions for a braai! Th steaks Have thicke cut port er hinare always tou ugh and tas shit any ste yway. aks are usually medium-rare or even meStea you prefer your meat “well don edium. If y ne” use ablow torch and keep you meat off the braa w d ur f ai. At the same time just go ru into a b e un brick wall,face first repea e atedly. Ra is only f those w are for who whole heartedly a appreciate the taste o meat. ofStea without fat is not steak. (f ak t t fillet has n fat)….. f no fillet is for old people with fal r lse teeth.Tend derized ste eak is meant for steak rolls at th local church bazaa sale, not on a bra he ar aai.Boerewors mu still be able to be ust end and fle when yo remove it from the braai, it must not ex oubrea in half. Boerwors must also not be p ak s o poked full o holes, get yourse someth of elf hing elseto p poke (you know what I mean). t If you do not kn u now how to braai, do o on’t even at ttempt it! You’ll simply just fuck you guests a ur around. Meat is served direct from the braa grate and not out m ai of a low-heated oven. d Passing out bef fore the me is out li eal ike buck-fu (bok- uck naai). It is fuucken rude and an indication that you e have shitty hab bits. If you want to braai you own me ur eat because you do not ttrust the cook, or if you are generally ju full of ust shit, talk before the time or simply s e shut the fuck up. If you grant someone else the braai rights at your own u e home then he s e shouts the odds. If yo want to make a wood fire get goo decent ou o e, od qualit wood. Use wood only if you have suff ty u ficient fire starte becaus to get the fire going needs heat, lots ers se of he eat. The smmoke from a strugglin fire is a nuisance ng – Smmokey Robinson was not invited If you c d. claim youcan braai and cannot ma ake a prope fire then you’re a f er n fucken liar too.Commpliment th cook if the meat is good. If not, say so. How t he t f the fuck do you expe him to o ectlearn the art?One or two sa e alad’s is more than e enough at a braai.
  • 2. Keep your cigarette stompies (butts) out and away from the fire. Leave your shitty habits at home! Also, if you get the urge to go have a pee behind the braai area, please just wash your hands before you start offering testers to your guests. When watching rugby, light the fire during half time. You eat chicken with your hands, lamb chops as well. Steak and boerewors with a knife and fork.If you eat pap with milk and sugar at a braai you are probably a doos and mislead and mostcertainly shout for the Natal Sharks or Western Province. Ask everyone at the braai to “klap”you on your head, but that probably wouldn’t help anyway.Politics, the exchange rate and baby talk is outaround a braai fire. Rugby, hunting, 4 x 4 trucksand the neighbours tanning lines is the norm.Fishing stories only get spoken when everyone isnice and pissed or even slightly tipsy, because forthose who do not fish and understand the sport cansimply join in and talk shit with everyone else.Meat must be turned regularly, not half way burnt onone side and then turned over to try and regulatethe cooking. Flip your meat regularly. Salt is onlyadded when you are about to remove the meat fromthe braai. If it is your idea to dry the meat out before you eat, go get yourself a piece of realdry ostrich biltong to curb your cravings or simply get a packet of salt & vinegar chips and gowatch Haas Daas in the garage.Braaiing is not just an occasion to stand around and drink. Fuck knows why not,but a lot of effort is taken with the preparation and am pretty sure the guests wantto enjoy a good piece of meat.……. and by the way, those who want to eat at 8.00 o’clock in the evening, ratherstay at your own fucken house, there is no set time to eat at a braai, eat when the meat isready to be taken off the fire …... again, the rules are simple!