Undertaken with Love
A Home Funeral Guide
for Congregations and Communities

This manual is published by the Home Funeral Committee Manual Publishing Group at www.home-
funeralmanual.org where additional resources may be found. Permission is specifically granted for noncom-
mercial entities to post this work as a free PDF download on their Web sites. Prebound and printed ver-
sions of the manual also are available at http://stores.lulu.com/homefunerals.
This work, with the exception of Chapter 3, Finding the Law, is protected by a Creative Commons
Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license, which allows reproduction with
attribution for noncommercial purposes as long as you do not alter, transform or build upon the work.
Chapter 3, Finding the Law, is protected by a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike
3.0 Unported license, which additionally allows you to modify the text to address the specific laws of your
region and state.
All of Ann Manning’s artwork in this manual is © 2007 Jack Manning & Friends and is used gratefully
with permission. For more information on this remarkable artist and the home funeral her family provided
her, see www.nogreysuits.org.
The creators of this manual assume no legal or financial responsibility for death-care arrangements by
readers or for any unauthorized alterations of the original text. Readers are encouraged to supplement the
manual with further research, education and training specific to their circumstances.

Ta b l e o f C o n t e n t s
Introduction 4
One At Life’s End 7
Two Then and Now 13
Three Finding the Law 17
Four With Our Own Hands 21
Five Setting Out Together 29
Six Down This Path 35
Online Resources 39
Acknowledgments
Contributing Writers: Donna Belk, Margalo Eden, Gere B. Fulton, Wendy Lyons, Joyce Mitchell, Holly
Stevens
Editors: Margalo Eden and Wendy Lyons
Layout and Design: Holly Gilbert
Artwork: Ann Manning, courtesy of Jack Manning & Friends
Many thanks to Holly Stevens who originated the idea for this manual and saw it to publication.
3

U N D E R TA K E N W I T H L OV E
I n t ro d u c t i o n
By Holly Stevens
When Nellie Hickerson, of Randleman, N.C., died in early 2008, she went to
the grave in the same manner that she had lived her final years—lovingly tended
by her children C.L. Hickerson and Suzanne Poorman on the family’s 80-acre
rural homestead.
For three days, Nellie’s body lay in her bedroom, cooled by dry ice and the
ice bottles that grandson Matthew Poorman had stashed ahead of time in the
freezer. Captured earlier on a CD, Nellie’s voice sang out now and then in a
hauntingly ethereal Southern twang: “I once was lost, but now am found, was
blind, but now I see.”
A third sibling drove down from Wilton, N.H., for the Friday burial in the
homestead graveyard where C.L. had previously reinterred his father’s remains.
An unlined cedar casket made by a neighbor waited nearby. Meanwhile, friends
and church members prepared meals, took pictures and brought shovels. Some-
one even thought to stash tampers and a rake for finishing the site afterward.
In the end, Nellie was laid to rest beside her husband on the only tract of land
she’d ever known intimately, her grave adorned with the wildflowers and herbs
she’d admired all her life.
If this story sounds fanciful, despite the fact that In all but a handful of states, a family may serve
it really happened, it is only because we’ve grown as its own funeral director in caring for its dead
so accustomed in the past century to handing over until burial or cremation. It does require attention to
the care of our own dead to institutional caregivers. a few regulations and a willingness to be something
There is nothing wrong with hiring professional fu- of a pioneer in communicating your intentions to
neral providers, of course. But in recent years, more those who will be involved. But many who have
families like the Hickersons have opted to care for chosen this route will tell you that they found it to
their own loved ones all the way to final disposition. be enormously healing and satisfying.
4

Introduction
While a motivated family can independently other combinations. After much give and take, we
acquire the legal knowledge and practical skills settled on home funeral as our primary term for
to arrange a home funeral, the process is eased the work and home funeral committee to denote the
considerably when a group assists. Often, that group that assists the family. They are not perfect
support might come in the form of a faith- descriptors. The word \"funeral\" carries multiple
community committee that embraces home funerals meanings—from the ceremony, to the procession
as a natural extension of its work in bereavement to the grave, to the actual committal, to the entire
care. In other cases, an entirely secular group might process. Also, not all home funerals will occur in
evolve from a circle of close friends or neighbors or the home; some faith communities shelter the
a hospice support group. body, for instance. But the term “home funeral”
We’ve created this manual to help such groups, seems to be gaining favor in most of the literature,
whether faith-based or secular, create committees to perhaps because it falls more gently on the ear than
support families opting to care for their own loved its “death care” counterparts, and it is simple. For
ones from the moment of death until burial or cre- clarity, we devised this working definition:
mation. The manual’s aims are to:
 provide step-by-step instructions for how to A home funeral is a noncommercial, family-
start a home funeral committee; centered response to death that involves the
 suggest a continuum of options in funerals family and its social community in the care and
from entirely institutional models to entirely preparation of the body for burial or cremation
home-centered models; and/or in planning and carrying out related ritu-
 teach the skills involved in handling, als or ceremonies and/or in the burial or crema-
preparing, cooling, laying out and tion itself. A home funeral may occur entirely
transporting the dead to the cemetery or within the family home or not. It is differenti-
crematory; ated from the institutional funeral by its empha-
 convey the necessity of researching and sis on minimal, noninvasive care and preparation
grasping local and state laws that relate of the body, on its reliance on the family’s own
to home funerals and how to acquire the social networks for assistance and support, and
necessary knowledge; and on the relative or total absence of commercial
 offer ideas for sustaining the home funeral funeral providers in its proceedings.
committee.
The actual tasks carried out by the home
One challenge we faced in writing the manual funeral committee will vary according to its aims.
was reaching agreement on what to call this work. One home funeral committee might be motivated
Some prefer the moniker “family-directed funeral” most of all by the desire to embrace equality at life’s
to differentiate it from a funeral directed by licensed end by purchasing inexpensive caskets in bulk and
funeral directors. Others use “home death care,” negotiating reduced rates for an immediate burial or
“natural funeral,” family-centered death care” or cremation through a local funeral provider. Another
5

U N D E R TA K E N W I T H L OV E
home funeral committee might be drawn especially time is when and how to research and compile
to natural practices focusing on gentle, nonchemi- relevant laws at the local and state level that relate
cal care of the body in a home setting followed to home funerals and the disposition of dead
by burial in a biodegradable casket in a natural, or human bodies. The third chapter, Finding the Law,
green, cemetery, which eschews vaults that would offers guidance on how to locate the laws in your
inhibit the process of “returning to the earth.” particular state and county that your home funeral
Certainly a faith-based funeral-care committee committee must follow. If your group is blessed
would want to infuse its practices with its religious with the participation of someone who already
rituals, language and values, while a secular funeral- has thoroughly researched such laws, that person
care committee might strive to avoid religious might compile a list of them to be added to the
overtones that could be a hindrance to some mem- space provided on page 20 before the group begins
bers’ participation. In writing this manual, we tried its training. Otherwise, the group will research and
to be inclusive of this diversity. Our study guides compile such laws as it reaches Chapter 3.
reflect this concern. They offer suggested exercises As groups begin to use the manual, we hope
that might work in some settings but not others, to hear from you about your experiences with it
and we’ve taken care not to be prescriptive or to and with actual home funerals. Your feedback will
assume a particular orientation. We encourage you greatly assist any future revisions. Please e-mail us
to discard any suggestions that don’t fit easily with at http://tinyurl.com/undertakenwithlove, or send a
your group’s culture or practices and to incorporate letter to Home Funeral Manual, c/o Holly Stevens,
your own customs at every opportunity. 5918 Pepper Road., Oak Ridge, NC 27310-9631.
Before training begins, the home funeral Be sure to let us know how we can get in touch with
committee organizers will want to decide whether you.
to use the manual as a group study guide or as a Home funerals are not for everyone. Certainly,
reference text. Used as a reference text, committee they are departures from the institutional manner
members might read the entire guide as one in which Americans have arranged for death care
assignment in a training process. Other assignments since the early 20th century. Undoubtedly, home
might focus on other resources listed in the manual’s funerals require more involvement from the family,
online resources or of the group’s own choosing. though the support of a group can greatly ease the
However, we anticipate that most groups will