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Relationship Compatibility
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Relationship Compatibility

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A deck I put together to explain why my wife and mother don't get along...

A deck I put together to explain why my wife and mother don't get along...

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  • 1. RELATIONSHIP And why you may not be getting COMPATIBILITY along…4/8/2013 Copyright 2013 H Jordan High. All Rights Reserved. 1
  • 2. MEASURES OF PERSONALIT Y Dif ferences in per sonalities can be measured in many, many ways These dif ferences can be af fected by culture, upbringing, life experiences, and innumerable other factor s They help define and communicate your values, how you treat others, how you expect to be treated, and how others will perceive you! The two measures to focus on for this situation are:  Validation, and  Boundaries4/8/2013 2
  • 3. MEASURE DEFINITIONS Validation: Boundaries:  Feedback that what someone  A “line drawn in the is doing is either good or bad sand”, either explicitly in someone’s opinion expressed or implicit and unexpressed  It can be a confirmation of value alignment or an  Actions within boundaries go expression of acceptability unnoticed, potentially appreciated  Actions outside of boundaries are noticeable (possibly only) to the boundary holder and are unacceptable4/8/2013 3
  • 4. PREMISE / ASSUMPTION  High validation (clear positive and negative feedback) combined High OK IDEAL with high correlation of boundaries is idealValidation  Either high validation with low boundaries, or low validation with high Low BAD OK boundaries is okay  Low boundaries with no Low High validation is bad Boundaries 4/8/2013 4
  • 5. REALIT Y OF THE SITUATION  Unfortunately individuals’ thresholds High OK for Validation & GOOD Boundaries differ, and are not straight lines…Validation  Why?  Different cultures, values, BAD etc. Low OK Q: Seriously what’s the difference? A: The difference is SERIOUS, to me) Low High Boundaries 4/8/2013 5
  • 6. VALIDATION & SENSITIVIT Y Low Sensitivity: High Sensitivity:  “Thick skinned” people  “Thin skinned” people are likely to infer lack are likely to infer lack of validation feedback of validation feedback as positive, which is as negative, which is good bad GOOD High High Validation Validation GOOD BAD Low Low Same Feedback BAD perceived differently4/8/2013 6
  • 7. BOUNDARIES & PERCEPTIVIT Y Low Perceptivity: High Perceptivity:  “Imperceptive” people  “Very considerate” people assume their lack of are keenly aware of others boundaries of others, and feelings and use this ability are not likely to proactively to proactively identify and identify boundaries respond to others’ boundaries BAD GOOD BAD GOOD Same action perceived differently Low High Low High Boundaries Boundaries4/8/2013 7
  • 8. INDIVIDUAL STATES OK IDEAL OK IDEAL  Different combinations of Sensitivities and High Perceptivities explain BAD OK BAD OK why the same action can be taken quiteSensitivity differently by others OK IDEAL OK IDEAL  Individuals thresholds Low Same Feedback for S&P differ, and are BAD OK perceived differently BAD OK not straight lines. Low High Perceptivity 4/8/2013 8
  • 9.  Perfect Alignment has the largest possible area (chance of) successful HOW interaction, and agreement on all STATES interactions INTERACT…  A single-axis alignment has a wide area of “Good” overlap, and only a little OK/BAD overlap (bottom middle)  No axis alignment has very little agreement on interaction, multiple OK/BAD overlap regions, and GOOD/BAD overlap4/8/2013 9