The Fault in Our Stars


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The Fault in Our Stars

  1. 1. I know you likemy comic sansfont I don’t want to read this book but I want to know about it: The Fault in Our Stars By: fucking read the book it’s the best book ever (also known as just-hazel-grace- lancaster) Okay?
  2. 2. Hazel Lancaster• Commonly known as Hazel Grace• She has cancer• She is a vegetabletarian• Does not wish to be a grenade (if only you knew Hazel Grace, if only you knew)• She watches America’s Next Top Model• She goes to college even though she’s sixteen• She’s in love with Augustus Waters (when she starts calling him Gus it’s time to close the book and think about whether you want to ruin your life now or not)• Her best friend is your mom (a little weird but her mom’s pretty cool)• If Shailene Woodley plays her I might hit John Green with a shovel• I named my car after her• She fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at one
  3. 3. Augustus Waters (he’s too pretty to be written about in comic sans)• Augustus Waters is the great star crossed lover of Hazel’s life• Sometimes people call him Gus and I want to punch them in the face because you can’t call someone that beautiful Gus• Hates basketball• Fears oblivion• He’s beautiful and intelligent and basically I want to marry him• Only has one leg• Metaphors• Once he dated this crazy ass bitch but then she died• His thoughts are stars he cannot fathom into constellations• I love him• I’m going to name my first born after him• Also he’s dead• We don’t talk about that• On a roller coaster that only goes up my friend
  4. 4. Isaac• He also has cancer (shocker)• He is blind and also he plays blind people video games which actually seem a hell of a lot cooler than regular video games• He gets dumped by this girl named Monica and it basically ruins his life (Monica’s a bitch)• Love is keeping the promise anyway• Always• He’s Augustus’ best friend
  5. 5. Peter Van Houten• He’s an asshat• But he’s also kinda fantastic• It’s not his fault his daughter’s dead• But he wrote a really good book• Why did he move to Norway? I really don’t know• Good choice in assistants though• Good choice in drinks too• Haha no water• Some infinities are bigger than other infinities• ^ made my math teacher cry with that one• Thanks Pete• Also, creeps in the cars of grieving teen girls (actually it’s her mother’s car)
  6. 6. Kaitlyn• Has a British accent even though she’s not British• Is really hot• Would ride that one legged pony• She’s basically she shit• Hates her toes• Likes thin mints• Says awesomesauce (me too)
  7. 7. Patrick• Runs a shitty support group• But we love it cause that’s how Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters met• He lost his balls (fucking cancer)• That’s really all• Poor Patrick
  8. 8. Mrs. Lancaster• She’s awesome• Going to become Patrick• Says she’s not going to be a mother (that was kind of rude Mrs. Lancaster)• But its okay cause I love her• Watches her daughter sleep (a little creepy)
  9. 9. Mr. Lancaster• Doesn’t know how to do anything• Cries a lot• But its okay cause I love him• Also his daughter is dying, I would cry a lot too
  10. 10. Mr. and Mrs. Waters (sorry guys you have to share a page)• I like them• They have a lot of encouragements its kinda awk• Ain’t gonna let their son get away with fooling around in the basement• Good parenting• Also good enchiladas• But those fucking encouragements man
  11. 11. Augustus’ other family• Okay so basically these guys are fucking nuts• I mean the sisters and their husbands are cool• BUT THEIR KIDS MAN• I mean I get they’re kids right• But give me a break• I hope they don’t grow up to be assholes• That will be all
  12. 12. Lidewij Vliegenthart• One of the best characters in the fucking book• If you hate gingers you are wrong• This bitch is fucking awesome• Oh btw she’s Peter Van Houten’s EX assistant (that’s cause he’s an asshat)• And I love her
  13. 13. Caroline Mathers• Her cancer self and Hazel’s cancer self could have been sisters• But her healthy self and Hazel’s healthy self look nothing alike• Augustus’ dead ex-girlfriend• She was a bitch (it wasn’t really her fault though, she had brain cancer)• Oh my god though, the leg jokes, I wanted to punch her in the face.• That’s basically it
  14. 14. Other things• Okay? Okay. (really it’s not okay it’s just a lot of crying)• Champagne = stars• Time is a slut• It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you (sobs)• When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him (I was kind of crying by then)• Basically I want to live in Amsterdam• All efforts to save me from you will fail• Fucking metaphors though• I liked when that flight attendant was awesome• Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children• The risen sun too bright in her losing eyes
  15. 15. Life Lessons• Don’t deny yourself the simple pleasure of saying true things• Pain demands to be felt• You have some say in who hurts you• You can have forever in limited days• Keep the fucking promise• There will come a time when all of us are dead and none of this will matter• Grief does not change you, it reveals you• The world is not a wish granting factory• The universe wants to be noticed• You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence• Everything is a side effect of dying• You have a choice in this world about how to tell sad stories (choose the funny one)• Love is just a shout into the void but who gives a fuck• A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . Well• Real heroes are the people noticing things