Paxton the Great
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  • 1. A Day In The Life Of A Paxton
  • 2. DISCLAIMER: Over the last two years, we were supposed to be learning math. However, due to the following reasons, most of us became distracted. As students of the great Matt Paxton, we have come to know these as Paxtonisms. Mr. Paxton: thank you. Not just for the endless homework assignments to advance our mathematical brains, but for these….
  • 3. Mary Winks repeated all of
    her announcements over
    and over and over and over….
    And it bugged the heck out of Paxton. He would even yell at the intercom when no one was there.
  • 4. “The common sense wagon’s
    gotta come to your house
    ‘cause if it misses you, you’re
  • 5. Over the summer the floors
    got waxed and there was
    a piece of tape waxed over…
    ADD much?
  • 6. “Diserpear.”
  • 7. Kelsie vs. Paxton
    (practically every day)
  • 8. Need I say more?
  • 9. Oh yeah…Mauer got her’s
    before Paxton!
    But when he got it, it sat in
    his room for a week because
    he couldn’t decide where to
    put it.
  • 10. Maier
  • 11. “That might be the gayest thing
    I’ve ever heard.”
    - Quentin Detillion
    “I came up with that!”
    - Christina Dawes
  • 12. “Wow I made up two examples
    and one is the exact same
    as the other.”
  • 13. “I have never seen this
    graph before…yeah I have
    it’s probably been a long
  • 14. “Putting the fun back in
  • 15. “It’s a lawyer firm.”
    - Ryan Valentine
  • 16. “There’s no amby goody.”
  • 17. “Ever see a baseball?”
  • 18. “It’s like trying to kill an ant with
    a hand gernade.”
  • 19. “Plastic lieing box.”
  • 20. “Magiced it up!”
  • 21. Paxton hit a deer…four weeks
    after he paid his car off; in the
    same spot he hit a deer 2 years
    before on his sister’s birthday.
  • 22. “If my last name was Potter,
    I would name my kid Harry.”
  • 23. Paxton was duct taped to a desk during a fire drill in high school.
  • 24. Paxton’s friend hit a cow and
    totaled his car…and the cow.
    Another friend hit a horse and
    killed it.
  • 25. “If you were stranded on a
    desert island and you left your
    chain rule at home, you could
    probably work it out.”
  • 26. “You don’t need any gizmos
    and gadgets, just put it
    in there.”
  • 27. “How do you cheer for Cross country?”
    -Kelsie Connolly
    “You yell run!”
  • 28. Paxton’s friend shot a deerin the school parking lot.
  • 29. “It’s like trying to kill an ant with
    a sledgehammer.”
  • 30. “Good number monkeys.”
  • 31. “My vocal audio.”
  • 32. “You just forget your minds.”
  • 33. “It doesn’t matter if it says
    green purple dinosaur…”
  • 34. “Weekly quizzes every week.”
  • 35. “That ought to have made
    sense. I think it made sense to
    me…kind of.”
  • 36. “Log is something in the woods.”
  • 37. “My daddy bought that for me.”
    (his Winnie the Pooh tie)
  • 38. “Fooplot: it’s like food without the ‘duh’.”
  • 39. 808 = BOB
  • 40. “We use a triangle in our stick person ‘cause it’s a woman.”
  • 41. “I bet they wrote it as an ‘I’ll betchu’.”
  • 42. “Mr. Paxton, if those two get together, are we gonna have the UC mascot?”
  • 43. Paxton found a lunch under his desk one day.
  • 44. “You stand out really much.”
    -Kenly Stidham
  • 45. “Here’s what ate your lunch right here…”
  • 46. “I just dyslexiaed that.”
  • 47. Paxton was accused of stealing shovels, painting and letting his dog pee on the ZT track…and still won SVC Coach of the Year.
  • 48. “Some days my brain works, some days it doesn’t. I never know when it’s gonna happen.”
  • 49. “I hate teaching junior high. It drives me nuts…they’re not even humans.”
  • 50. “It would be like sending a million U.S. troops to clear out the desert.”
  • 51. “I’m the only person to put the entire school district on probation.”
  • 52. “When you’ve been at the school long enough that you start to look like the mascot, it’s pretty bad.”
  • 53. “One of the trailer park kids decided to kill a coyote and throw it in the backyard…we suspect the Quincels’ are involved.”
  • 54. “Don’t ask me to explain it because I will blow your mind and probably mine in the process.”
  • 55. “Aww look, the x disappeared making this a happy problem.”
  • 56. “I’m allergic to money.”
  • 57. “That’s gotta be a girl ‘cause there’s not a boy basketball player in the school that could make that shot.”
  • 58. “Hyperactive gerbil mode.”
  • 59. “Keep lettin’ it be what it’s supposed to do.”
  • 60. “Santa Claus has to come save you…there’s no help for you.”
  • 61. “You’re a smart one, that’s why they call you a SmartBoard.”
  • 62. “Purple monkey dishwasher.”
  • 63. “You’re know you’re gettin’ thrown right?” (to the phone)
  • 64. “Now that’s shells with cheese.”
  • 65. “I wonder what the Muslims call it, ‘cause you know that they’re not calling it the Horn of Gabriel.”
  • 66. “It’s like watching a cow eat a cheeseburger.”
  • 67. Senior Story Time…
  • 68. “They weren’t vicious, they just wandered around looking for grass.”
    (Berne Union 7th graders)
  • 69. GARY
    - Yelled at a deer, tried to shoot it, the gun kicks back and hits him in the head.
    - Hit the same deer with the truck later, thought it was dead but it wasn’t. Gary wrestled it.
  • 70. GARY (continued)
    • Jumps out of a tree stand and sumo-wrestled a deer.
    • 71. He was attacked by a squirrel
    • 72. Even got stuck in a corn field and didn’t know where he was.
  • “ I’m gonna find a board and fix his wagon."
  • 73. “My dad being an ex-marine thought we hit a pedestrian.”
  • 74. “Don’t cook the bear.”
  • 75. “The world is an exciting place. Don’t bury your head in the sand.”
  • 76.
  • 77. 2010
  • 78. Done.