Hello and welcome to the latest, unwittilynamed Marmite Alphabetacy chapter! To recap, last time, Iris was declared the winner of the Bachelor Challenge and married Godric, our generation G heir.
The last chapter ended, rather abruptly, in the middle of Iris and Godric’s wedding. Truth be told, there isn’t a lot more to say about it. But there are a couple of shots that I like. Giselle seems to be glowing here. And it’s been FOREVER since Elijah made an appearance . I love you Li-Li, just look at him!
“I cannot believe that you’re reading during your own wedding reception.” Godric laughed. Iris didn’t respond. “Iris? I said-” “I know, I know! I’m just going to finish this page. I can’t stop now, Rincewind and Twoflower are about to fall off the Disc!” Godric smiled and finished his jelly whilst he waited for his wife to finish. Iris closed the book and let out a contented sigh. “Now shall we go and spend some time with the people we chose to share the happiest day of our lives?” “Okiedokie,” she grinned. “Anyway, what’s The Disc?” Iris’s grin spread even wider. She took a deep breath. “Well...” she began.
I really hope that the large number of photos I have taken of her simself and Godric sleeping doesn’t freak Iris out. *nervous laughter*But they’re so adorable! Godric stayed awake to watch Iris go to sleep and then snuggled up to her and it was just- Stalkerish right? Never mind.
The dawn of day one of their marriage arrived fresh and rosy fingered, rays of light waking, first Iris, then Godric, gently. “Morning Mrs Marmite.” Godric yawned. “How long have you been up?” “Oh, not that long...” “Have you been watching me sleep and stroking my hair?” “Maaaybe, but I’m allowed to! It’s loving now, rather than creepy.”
But whilst it was a new beginning for some, it was the end for Peppermint and Chistery. And so passed the fourth heir to the line of Batfink the Great and her spouse. Time for a cat line recap I think. Batfink&Toberlone> Glockenspiel&Badabing> Belba&Boq>Peppermint&Chistery> Glitterglue&...
“Maryse! Fancy bumping into you!” “Yes, what are the chances! It’s almost as if I’ve been repeatedly walking past your house, throwing stones at your window so that you’d look out and see me!”
So Maryse stuck around for breakfast which resulted in an awkward encounter with the increasingly senile Archie. “Maryse! I didn’t know you were here! If I had known I would be wandering around in some more alluring boxers.” Godric spluttered, nearly choking on his cereal as he caught sight of Iris’s hysterical expression. “Hi Mr Marmite, it’s nice to see you again...” Maryse said nervously, desperately looking around the room for help but Godric was focussing very hard on his breakfast and Iris had collapsed behind the island counter in fits of silent laughter.“Why I don’t believe I’ve seen you since the wedding!” Maryse began to mention that it had only been two days but Archie pressed on. “I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve figured out who it is that you remind me of; my wife’s gynaecologist!” This was just too much for Godric who spewed Cheerios all over the kitchen as Iris, who had pulled herself off the floor with support from the counters, once more collapsed onto the wood, this time taking a large pile of cutlery with her.
Archie has indeed developed a very inappropriately outspoken crush on Maryse. This photo (taken when they first met at the wedding) pretty much sums the whole thing up. BIG time heartfarting.
Godric and Iris continue to be adorable newly weds, especially since they found out that they had a little one on the way! They do everything together and Godric refuses to go to work because he’s too busy following her around- so they’ll probably end up homeless and all in the name of love.
“I cannot believe you interrupted my research to make me paint this.” Oh come on Farnsie, every heir needs a portrait. “Well the lighting’s terrible and-” Hey, since when are you artsy? And what are you working on at the moment anyway? “I can’t tell you that! It’s top secret! A revolutionary invention that will force the scientific community to bow down before my genius. They’ll rue the day they called me mad! Rue I tell you! Bwahahahaha, hahahaha!” Oh come on! What is it? “What is what?” Your invention. The one that will cause the scientific community to bow down before you? “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You need to lay off the gingerbread and Pepsi Max girl. Hey, how long have we had this painting?”
Yay for kittens! But there’s only one in this litter. How irritating! Pet pregnancies can be sooo annoying and I have to go through it again now! Anyway, you might like to note that Hawkins is actually present at the birth of his daughter! That never happens with my cats, or my sims actually... This little girl is called Hephzibah. Yeah yeah, HP names for cats too. Sue me.
The recent rebuild of the house has angried up the ghosts nicely. Cobweb has issues with the kitchen. “But it’s practically the same as the old one! What was the point? It’s actually smaller!” Whilst Edward is more concerned with the living sims. “Do they have any idea what I would have given for a TV like that when I was alive? The ungrateful sods! Look at them whinging! The jammy bastards!”
“Sssshh, I’m incognito.” Looks to me like you’re in the pavement! *tumbleweed rolls across slide* Well I found it funny.
As the pregnancy progressed, Iris became increasingly broody and began to carry Hepzibah around with her wherever she went- Glitterglue and Hawkins weren’t bothered; she was too young to start her superhero training yet anyway and her powers hadn’t manifested. What did worry them was Iris’s new zombie expression.
“Hehehe,” Maryse chuckled evily to herself as she glanced around, confirming that there was no one around. “The perfect crime...” Godric arrived just in time to see her fleeing the scene. “NO! Not the paper! How am I supposed to find out what Snoopy’s been up to since yesterday?!”
Yes Maryse, forget the paper and then make your getaway through the house. Genius. I don’t know why she’s started stealing the paper. She’s mutual best friends with everyone on the lot- even Archie! Ah well, she keeps me entertained.
Farnsworth continued to refuse to divulge anything about her latest project. And- thanks to a mysterious bin kicker, I’m looking at you Maryse- the lot developed a roach problem. “Wow, Godric Marmite’s waving to me! Hi Godric!” Let’s not correct her; she’s happy this way.
And so, things continued at a steady pace. Godric and Iris became increasingly excited about the birth of their first child. Godric took a break from touring in order to spend as much time as possible with his family. Everyday, like clockwork, Maryse arrived to steal their newspaper, often staying to catch up over breakfast and coo over Iris’s baby bump.
PANIC! Something’s happened to Godric’s face! AAAAH! Don’t worry, I was so freaked out that I quit and started the game again to find everything back to normal.
“Aah, young people don’t know how to make out these days.” He shouldn’t be allowed to talk should he? “Excuse me?” Iris asked, utterly bewildered. “I was just making an observation.” Archie replied “You were watching us make out Dad?” “Well yes. You see, in my day, we really made the most of it. It’s not just about the snogging you know. There has to be plenty of groping if you want to do the thing properly.” “What is wrong with you?” Iris stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before walking away.
Archie’s calm resolve faltered under Iris’s confused glare and he shot his son a nervous, apologetic smile. “Perhaps you should get to bed Dad.” “No really I’m-” Godric stared at him. “Yeah... Perhaps I should...” Archie grows more spontaneously inappropriate with every day. I love him so much.
“AAAIIIEEEEEEE! By the Gods this is painful! AAAAIIIEEECH!” Archie! Come quick! Iris is giving birth! “Now? But I’ve only just settled into my soothing Jacuzzi bath*.” NOW. *Meerkat reference anyone?
Back when Hermione actually resembled the character. It’s a girl! What’s more, it’s a girl named Hermione! If you need someone to tell you who Hermione Granger is then shame on you! She’s an academically brilliant, muggle born witch from the Harry Potter series and best friends with both the boy who lived and Ron Weasley. But it’s worth noting that the name is also used in ‘The Winters Tale’ by William Shakespeare and in ‘The Odyssey’ by Homer.
Iris cradled her daughter carefully. “Hello you,” she cooed softly. “You are the most precious little- Urgh! Stinky baby, may day may day!” Once Hermione’s very first nappy had been changed, she seemed to, if possible, become even more adorable in her parents’ opinions. “She’s so tiny!” Godric whispered. “She seems a lot bigger if you’ve had to force her out of your-” “Yeah,” he said hastily. “ I bet.” “Oh I hope the Gods will bless her. Especially Pedestriana.” “What’s she the Goddess of?” “Feet and pedal dexterity.” “Well that certainly sounds like a blessing that she can’t go without.”
“Sooo...” Godric began pulling his wife closer as the day drew to an end. “Do you fancy cracking out another sprog then?” “Oh how could I resist your legendary charm?”
Another day, another paper stolen by Maryse. “Oh Iris, are we still on for lunch today?” she called. “Sure! See you then! Have a good morning!”
I won’t lie to you. These pictures have very little narrative value. Unless you’re interested in knowing that Farnsworth is one skill point away from maxing logic. I didn’t think you were. So I’ll be honest and tell you that they’re just some nice semi naked Godric shots, with a cute kitty to boot!
Hermione received that special kind of non stop attention that drives simmers crazy. You know what I mean, every sim feeds them, one after the other and the babies never get any sleep. It’s funny how they all have to feed the babies but they never want to change the nappies do they?
Yup! Another kitten! Note that Hawkins is present AGAIN. And the award for best cat in a fatherly role goes to... This time it’s a boy and I’ve named him Matsuda after a character (that I L<3VE) from Death Note.
“Good morning sir, breakfast today will be served between the hours of 7 and 10.” “What’s going on?” Archie murmured. “Why are you-” “Ah, let me explain. Presently, there has been a sort of lull in the Gotham crime rate due, we suspect, to the conference currently being held in Strangetown by the Guild of Thieves and the Guild of Assassins during which they hope to discuss overlaps in their contracts. Unfortunately, due to an appearance by the Gatecrashers’ Guild, it has had to be extended and we, the defenders of the innoncent, protectors of the weak blahblahblah, are left with an excess of do-gooding energy. So, we are currently serving you breakfast.”
Hermione’s birthday rolled around quicker than anyone could believe and a ridiculous (and laggy) number of guests were invited to her party. Check out Fernando’s angry face! “I’ve got sour baby milk on my new shoes!”
I love the way that Lucy is clearly trying very hard to ignore Edward’s inappropriate flirting with his sister in law. And here’s Hermione all grown up! I don’t generally bother with stats but here are hers: 3/8/7/8/6 She’s got Iris’s eyes and skin but she must have got the brown hair from somewhere is Godric’s genetic tangle. Fernando seems to adore her and didn’t put her down for the entire party which is very sweet in my opinion. Perhaps I should give him and Gok a kidlet...
The young man you can’t see in the other picture is Hansel, Giselle’s son who looks more like his Great Great Uncle Elijah every time I see him. He and his twin sister Gretel (who was the red haired teen in the pink floydtshirt on the last two slides) are the oldest of Edward and Giselle’s ever expanding brood of children. Bethan got to the cake too late to find that it was all gone and promptly burst into tears which deeply confused Farnsworth. Or perhaps she’s puzzled by my simself’s complete disinterest in her sister’s distress. (simLauren had two slices ;D)
“Don’t be silly Ginny, I’m sure they’ll agree. It’s just a couple of teeny magazine exclusives.” Galinda assured her sister who was not convinced by her latest career boost strategy. “I don’t think Godric and Iris will want you to drag their kids into the spotlight like that. I mean Giselle and Edward have already said no haven’t they?” Ginny reasoned. “Ah but they’re royalty aren’t they? Of course they had to say no. But Godric’s a rock star! It’s completely different. Besides, it wouldn’t be until the kids are a little older and can tell the world how wonderful their aunt Galinda is. Hey! Why don’t you and Merlin join in too!”
“I don’t think so Galinda.” “Oh come on,” her sister giggled. “It’ll be fun! We might even get to do the photo shoot at some exotic location. The Bahamas, the south of France, Hawaii... It’ll be like a big family holiday with a couple of journalists tagging along. Go on, think about it.” Ginny laughed. “Really Galinda, that’d be my worst nightmare! So much hassle!” “And you’d definitely have to get some new swimwear.” Hawkins muttered before slinking off to lick the icing off the now empty cake plate. Galinda sighed, recognising Ginny as a lost cause. “Well I’m sure that Godric will be a little more obliging.” she smiled, adding “with time...” as she spun around to locate him, tossing her golden curls in a way that had taken years to perfect.
Meanwhile, some of the other guests were contemplating the future of the legacy. “Things seem to be going really well for Godric and Iris at the moment.” Gok mused. “On beautiful baby and another on the way-” “Which they will name after their dear friend Lauren.” the simself interjected. “Uh, well it has to begin with an ‘H’ doesn’t it Lauren?” “Oh yeah... Well, I’ll just have to wait a few generations.”
“Well I don’t buy it.” said Lucy. “All this happily ever after crap won’t last.” The sims around her gasped. “I’m not being mean!” she insisted. “This is a legacy and I know legacies. Tragedy will strike soon enough. Just you wait.” “Lucy!” moaned Ani Mei as she threw her hands over her face in distress. “Why did you have to say that? I’m not going to be able to stop worrying now!” Yeah Lucy Doombringer, stop it. They can’t know that I intend to screw with their lives for narrative effect. “hey, I will not be silenced. I am the voice of truth! I like the name though...”
Iris and Godric, who had strategically planned the party so that Archie would be at work and therefore unable to pester Maryse, gasped as they saw his carpool arrive home 2 hours early. To their immense surprise, Maryse ran out to greet him! I don’t know whether to be relieved or concerned for Archie and Farnsworth’s marriage.
Hepzibah’s all grown up and I love her appearance! Hawkins and Glitterglue were always going to produce some impressive children but she has turned out especially well in my opinion. Her transition to adulthood meant one, very important thing. “It will happen soon.” Glitterglue sniffed. “Her feline-flu jab?” “NO.” “Feline leukemia?” “No Hawkins! Hepzibah’s powers will manifest and she will join us in our quest to defend the innocent, protect the weak and kick some bad guy arse.” “ooooh, right. So soon then?” “yes, very soon...”
I’m afraid that this is spam slide. But what do sims do when they’re toddlers other than be cute? And it’s a total coincidence that Godric is also in all of these pictures. *shifty eyes* Basically, Hermione is very sweet and loves to skill (Yayfor character appropriateness!) although, as she is fairly headstrong, she refuses to be lead in her learning and therefore she simply will not learn a damn nursery rhyme.
In Hepzibah’s opinion, adulthood was strange- very strange. Things kept happening that she was wholly unable to explain. For example, one day she was chasing a hair bobble around the floor with ferocious enthusiasm (which counted as ‘training’ according to Glitterglue) when suddenly- She found herself in Farnsworth and Archie’s room on top of their dresser. “By the power of Grey Skull! How the hell did I get up here?” At first she tried to ignore it, but it continued to happen...
She continued to randomly zap from one location to another with no knowledge of how she got there. Sometimes she moved just a few metres, to another part of the house, but once she found herself in the middle of a merry-go-round in a park across town. After a particularly distressing incident, in which, whilst attempting to escape from the bath she found herself in, she became tangled in some curtains, she went to her parents for help.
“This is fantastic Hepzibah!” Glitterglue squealed. “Your powers have manifested and you have been gifted with teleportation!” “But I can’t control it!” “You simply need to be trained! Do not worry, you will master your powers soon enough.”
And indeed she did. In time, she became able to teleport to a very precise location, allowing her to sneak up on her enemies with ninja-like prowess. NINJA HEPZIBAH She still occasionally teleported inadvertently , but all in all, her powers meant that she became an essential member of the crime fighting team.
But that’s not to say that she only used her ability selflessly... “Aaah, comfy...”
“Urgh, my poor back. This pregnancy lark isn’t easy is it?” Iris groaned as she heaved herself out of bed. No, sorry. It’ll be worth it though. Two new little babies! “TWO?” Oops. “It’s ok, I had my suspicions anyway. I’ve got a feeling-” That tonight’s gonna be a good night? “Nooo, that I’ll go into labour today!” Well that might not be quite such a catchy lyric- all though it fits the tune now that I think about it...- but Iris was right.
The younger twin has been named Heffalump. Yes, Heffalump. Well it almost sounds sensible compared to Bazoozoo! Heffalumps are elephants as described in A.A Milne’s ‘Winnie the Pooh’. In the original books they are talked about but never actually encountered. They do however appear in Winnie the Pooh TV programs and movies. They are often associated with woozles who have a bit of a bad reputation in Pooh & co’s eyes but the particular heffalump featured on this slide, who is also the best known, is just plain lovely. In case you’re interested, his name is HeffridgeTrumplerBrompet Heffalump, IV – more commonly known as Lumpy.
The older twin (who has Iris’s grey eyes rather whilst her sister has Godric’s blue ones) is Helena. She is so named for two reasons. Firstly, she is named after a song. The song is by My Chemical Romance and was written about Elena Lee Rush, the grandmother of Gerard and Mikey Way (vocals+bass). Not that that’s very obvious from the video but anyway. I love the song far too much for it to be healthy. The second reason I named this little baby thus is that she’s named after Helena Bonham Carter, one of my very favourite actresses who happens to be married to Tim Burton, one of my very favourite directors. She’s had some fantastic roles and my favourites are BellatrixLestrange (HP), Mrs Lovett (Sweeny Todd), Marla Singer (Fight club) and her vocal performances as Emily in ‘The Corpse Bride’ and Lady Tottington in ‘ Wallace & Gromit in the curse of the were-rabbit’.
And they really were. I expected Iris to be a good Mum but I never would have thought that Godric the loveable scoundrel would turn out be an excellent dad. But I expect it would be different if he were still a romance sim. “Two new babies?” Farnsworth shook her head. “Well I’m getting out of here before things get stinky.” Yeah, well she always was an interesting parent. You guys are doing much better.
They pulled away from each other and turned to watch their daughters sleep with matching, contented sighs. “I never thought I’d get a happy ending like this y’know.” Godric said. “Why?” his wife asked, puzzled. “I don’t know... It’s just...after that whole Meretrix thing, I didn’t think I deserved one.” “Hey,” she said firmly, putting her hands on his shoulders and making him turn to face her. “That wasn’t your fault. She was an evil, hate filled little harlot who used you. And everything turned out fine didn’t it?” He looked at her and smiled. “Better than fine.” he mumbled. “Exactly. Besides, Lauren- I mean the Voice- likes you. You’re a favourite of hers. She wouldn’t have bothered with the BC if you weren’t. She’ll look after you right up until your death day and after that she’ll take good care of your gravestone. Everything will be fine.”
“I thought you said everything would be fine!”Iris ignored him. “The fridge! Save the fridge! Somebody save my pretzels! Oh my poor pretzels!” “Why are your pretzels in the fridge?!” “Step aside sir, I have a dramatic run underway. Don’t worry M’am, I’ll save your pretzels.” “Uh, Iris? Godric? Should I get the kids out of the house?” “Merlin’s beard! I left a third of a lemon cheesecake in there!”
“Where’s Grandpa?” Archie cooed. “Where’s Grandpa gone Hermy?” The little girl laughed. “Oo’ve jus put yoour hands oberyooureyeses! Silly Grandpa! I cans still sees you! Such a shimpledewice can’t twick me!” “Well someone’s inherited Farnsworth’s brains! If only I was as clever as you eh?” “Ooshud have said ‘if only I were as kwever as oo’. It’s a condishnul clause. Silly Grandpa!”
Matsuda has grown up and looks very similar to Hepzibah but also has brown markings on his face. His powers have also manifested. Would you like to know what his ability is? It’s...
...the power to hypnotise and control others. All he needs is eye contact. “Godric-san*, can I have a hug?” “Sure Matsuda.” “How are you-” “Look deep into my eyes. Not around the eyes, into the eyes, into the eyes, not around the eyes... You are now in my control.” *Oh yes, he uses Japanese honorifics; it’s cute.
“I want you to listen very carefully to what I am about to tell you. Do you understand?” “Mmmmremrm, yessssMatsu...” “Good....” *whisper whisper mumble* “have you got that Godric-kun?” “Yeeeeesssss.... Good kitty kat... I will do what you want...” “Excellent, now put me down and hop to it.”
“Hey Godric, would you mind dropping Hermione off at her toddler masterminds class? I’d do it but I have to-” “No. I must serve.” “What do you-” “Quiet human female. I must fulfil my duty. Must serve...”
“Don’t forget to clean the litter trays and fill them with flower petals instead of Kitty-Clean-super fresh-crystals.” “Mmmrmrmr.... Nice and clean for Matsuda-sama... Nice and clean...” “mmmmm, scrummy! Matsuda, you will be a valuable addition to our team. Get the human to dish up some chips too.”
Just a little while ago Iris, I was going on about what a fantastic parent you are and now you’re throwing your firstborn around! “Hey, good parents make their kids happy right? And this is what Hermione likes!” “Isn’t that right Hermy?” “Yup yupyup!” “Yeah, so wibble to you Lauren.” “Wibbles’not a word Mummy.” “Yes it is.” “No i’s’not.” “I say it’s a word and I’m your mother so it’s a word.” “But that dusuntmake-” “Which is the beauty of motherhood.”
Being devoted to your art is one thing but seriously guys, ewwwww. “It’s not our fault!” “yeah! Blame the ghosts!” “You call this art? Your brush strokes are uneven and you’ve failed to observe the golden ratio you fool!”
“Does this mean what I think it means?” Errrr, maaaayyyybe. “Oh crud. Here we go again.” Hey, try to be a little more maternal Iris. But it’s the last time I promise. “Yeah yeah, well I’m off to start eating for two then.”
In a gloriously convenient twist of fate, all of the girls were due to grow up on the same day. I therefore held a lovely, Spring, outdoor b’day party. This time the guests were members of the family that hadn’t been seen in a while + the generation G kids which meant that it was time for the glorious return of the Nac Mac Feegle! Look how fantastically angry Rob Anybody is! He probably disapproves of the limited liquor selection . Well there’s not much call for Absinthe at baby/toddler Sunday morning b’day parties. Although there was a Guinness fountain at all of Fion and Rob’s children’s parties...
And here’s Hermione as a child! She definitely resembles Iris more obviously but Godric’s genetic influence is clearly pronounced also. When presented with a wide array of clothes to choose from, she selected a cosy and practical, whilst pretty, jumper. Based on Hermione here, I have high hopes for the other kids’ genes. “Grandma? Will you show me your inventions?” Hermione asked. “Whaa?! You want me to show you them?” “Well yes! They look simply fascinating! I would particularly love to learn about you smelloscope and dark matter engines. If you wouldn’t mind that is...” “Did you hear that Ginny? Fascinating.” “Yeah, yeah” Ginny called. “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into kid.”
“Ach Rob, thajooseisnaesoo bad ye ken if yatak it with soome of tha stuff I took from Farnsie’slabooratoory.” “Oh aye? An what is tha stuff? You’ve got the readin’ of thawritin’. What’s it say lass?” “..Ethanol Rob, it says ethanol. “Aye, that’s gooodenuff for ol’Rob. I cannaeaffoordtabeh choosey.” Next, it was the twins’ turn to grow up.
And here they are! Guess which one is which. Yup, a little obvious isn’t it? Heffalump’s on the left and Helena’s on the right. Iris got a little creative with the face paints that Elphaba bought the twins for their birthday. She didn’t manage to paint Helena’s face because, being very shy, she found the large number of people crowding around her upsetting and cried for a lot of the party. Heffalump on the other hand is very outgoing and loved the attention- but when she saw that her twin was upset, she rushed to cheer her up, hence the traditional twin toddler huggle picture. Godric’s foot
Farnsworth took great pleasure in explaining her inventions to Hermione and relished finally having a relative whom she was able to discuss the latest scientific breakthroughs with. “...and that’s the story of how I invented the first robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. Now my dark matter engines were much trickier-” “Is it true that your afterburners allow the engines to deliver 200% efficiency Grandma?” “Why yes, you see-” “hang on” Godric interrupted. “Surely that’s impossible.” “The engines work by moving the Universe around the vessel whereas conventional ships do the opposite.” she continued, ignoring her son. “But that doesn’t make any sense either! It’s impossible!” “No it isn’t Dad,” Hermione said brightly. “Nothing’s impossible if you can imagine it. That’s what being a scientist is all about isn’t it Grandma?” Farnsworth beamed at her and wiped away something that might have been a tear. “I’ll be back in a second Hermione, I just have to call your Aunt Ginny about something.”
Farnsworth made Hermione her protégé, recognising her huge potential and Hermione, who loved both learning and spending time with her batty old grandmother, enjoyed every second. The two sims soon formed a very close bond. Similarly, Godric and Iris slipped naturally into the roles of doting parents with just the right of irresponsibility to be fun rather than neglectful.
“hey Godric, look!” Iris laughed. “What is it Rissa?” “Smile for Daddy Heffalump!”
“Why shosweriousDadda?” “AAAAAH!” Godric wailed as he caught sight of his daughter. “Iris! That’s NOT funny!” “Uh, I think you’ll find it is!” Iris laughed as her daughter giggled and pointed at her spooked father. “Right Lumpy?” The little girl nodded and stuck out her tongue. “Seriously, get that stuff off her, a fright like that could finish of Mum and Dad. And do we have to call her Lumpy?” “Well what do you suggest? Heffa? Then Lumpy it is.”
In cat news, the crime rate remained low and they found other ways to do good. They continued to serve a hearty continental breakfast... And Matsuda picked fights with menacing wolves who were far to strong for him. Ah well, it’s all valuable experience isn’t it?
How was your first day? “I LOVE school!” Ssssh! The other kids will hear- oh my god! Look at the bus driver’s feet! That bus has no brake pedal! No more school for you missy. “But I want to go!” In that death-trap? I don’t think so. “Can’t Dad drive me?” Well I suppose so, it’s not like he goes to work any more... Damn those rock gods... Under Farnsworth’s instruction, Hermione’s intellect flourished and what’s more, she had what Farnsworth lacked- a sense of moral decency. “So now Hermione, we sell this virus to a foreign government!” “Er, why don’t we donate it to the school of virology so they can form an antidote in case a similar pathogen causes a future pandemic Grandma.” “Well you’ll never make any money, but ok...”
The only thing she ever struggled to get her head around was chess. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be good at this Grandma.” “Good at what?” “Chess.” “is that what this is? I thought that this was just a really funky draughts set!” “...That’s how your mother and I have always used this thing anyway.” “Don’t worry,” Iris called. “It’s only a game Hermy, it’s not the end of the world if you loose.” The lights on the pinball machine stopped flashing and a new tune played.
“-WHAT?! This machine is FIXED! This is the worst thing that has EVER happened to me or anyone else!” “AAARRRRGGGHH! This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me or anyone el-OOWWIIEEEE!” Where did Iris’ nice new maternity outfit go? Oh well.
And here’s the last child of the generation. Iris and Godric’s first and only son. His name is Hiro and he is named after Hiro Nakamura, a character from the TV show Heroes which I would recommend to everyone and anyone but you really have to watch it right from the beginning. Hiro worked as a computer programmer for his father’s company in Japan but was dissatisfied with his mundane life and has always wanted to be a hero. He developed the power to bend space and time and uses it to help others. He’s sweet , geeky and adorable. Plus he gets to deliver the iconic Heroes lines, “Save the cheerleader, save the world” and “YATTA!”
The twins grew closer and closer as their birthday approached... ...and soon they were children...
Heffalump grew into a bubbly, wild, but honest child and expressed her personality in her appearance. Archie did occasionally try to brush her hair but such attempts were futile. “Come on Helena it’s fun I promise! WAHEY!” Helena watched her sister leap and tumble around her bed; she suspected that Heffalump was at least 70% rubber because she never seemed to injure herself. She could never do that without breaking several bones.
“No really Lumpy, I’m ok” she assured her. Helena was a quieter child, more reserved and cautious. But in three things the sisters were matched: their affection for each other, their sweetness and their playfulness. ...although Heffalump was perhaps more aggressive in her play...
Somehow, Heffalump seemed to always be the centre of attention although this was not deliberate. With her bright colours, melodious laugh and wild eyes, Heffalump was just more noticeable than her twin although their parents of course loved them equally. Largely, this suited Helena, who was at times crushingly shy. Helena adored her sister for the same reasons that everyone else did. She was the sort of person it was hard not to love. But every so often a little voice at the back of Helena's mind would wonder aloud whether Helena should try to be more like her twin.
It was on one such day that she found the courage, upon seeing her father alone, to voice her fears. “Dad,” she began nervously. “Do you think I should try to be more like Lumpy?” Godric was taken aback. “Why would you say that Helena?” he asked softly. “It’s just that- I mean, I know that you and Mum love us all equally, but- I just wonder if I’d be better if I were more like Heffalump.” “Listen you,” he pulled his daughter closer. “The only thing you ever have to be is you. Everyone’s different. Lumpy likes bright colours and being loud whereas you like black- much like myself I might add- and are naturally quiet. And that’s why we love you both, because you’re you. So don’t you ever change who you are Helena. Ok?” “Yes Daddy.” she smiled. “Good. And especially don’t change it for a boy!” “Eeew, Dad!” “yeah yeah, get back to me in a couple of years.”
With Hermione’s birthday approaching, talk turned to big school. DUN DUN DUH. “I don’t see what the fuss is about!” Heffalump shrugged confidently. “It’s just school.” “It’s not just school Lumpy,” Helena replied, clearly nervous about the topic although it wouldn’t be relevant to herself for quite a while. “It’s huge and you have a different teacher for every lesson, and big long essays, and you have to make new friends- Oh it looks horrible!” she moaned.
Hermione began to feel nervous. “It’s not really going to be that bad is it Mum?” “hey,” said Iris. “Since when do you not look forward to school Hermione?” Hermione played with her soup sullenly. “Ok listen you horrible lot,” Iris smiled. “You are all bright, lovely girls and I’m sure you will do fantastically at school and make so many friends that you can loan Grandpa Archie a few.” “hey I resen- Oh, right.” said Archie, catching on mid sentence. Hermione and Helena mumbled and stirred their soup simultaneously. “Well I’m not worried.” beamed Heffalump. “Well then you can look after your sisters can’t you?” said Archie. “Okiedokie!” she giggled and continued slurping her soup. Across the table, Helena watched her and smiled, reassured for now at least.
But before Hermione’s birthday came Hiro’s and for the party, a significantly lag inducing number of guests were invited. “hey, Rob,” Godric smiled. “Thanks for coming, the booze is right over there.” The growing up was done straight away, largely because Fion and Heffalump were alternately shouting “BIRTHDAY!” and wouldn’t stop until Hiro aged.
And here he is! I love the picture on the right, look at that pose! Awwww. Hiro is quite sloppy, middlingly shy, very playful, not very active and very very nice.
Hiro loved to be read to and his favourite stories were always about brave heroes who saved the day. “...and so, with the mighty sword, TakezoKensei defeated Whitebeard and freed the beautiful Yaeko.” “Kensei” Hiro whispered. “Kensei... Hero...”
Godric yawned and heaved himself out of bed. He looked around him. “Hey, why are we in Mum and Dad’s room?” “I have no idea.” answered Iris, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “It’s Hermione’s birthday tomorrow!” “Yup. A teenager already!” “I’ve had an idea!” Iris grinned. “Ok.” She frowned. “And I want to tell you it.” “Oh, ok. Hit me.” “Sssh, come here!” “Iris she can’t hear us in-” “Just do it!”
*whisperwhisper* “... So can you pick the stuff up today?” “Sure, I’ll get it on the way back from practice.” Which he did. He strolled casually home, thinking about Hermione’s birthday and how quickly his kids seemed to be growing up. He was so lucky to have them all.
As Godric neared the front door he noticed a boy sitting opposite Iris. She was talking to him in a soft voice, encouraging him to drink the tea in front of him. The boy, whoever he was, murmured short replies, not meeting Iris’s gaze.
“Hey babe, I’m back.” he said. “Who’s this?” “Godric,” Iris began. There was something in her voice that worried him. “This is Hamlet.” For the first time, the boy looked up from the table and familiar green eyes looked up at Godric. “He’s your son.”