Parent Forum Night

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Parent Forum Night

  1. 1. PARENT FORUM NIGHT School Cliques: The REAL Survivor Series <ul><li>THE GMS PTO and Cheryl Curry, GMS Counselor, invite you to join us for a workshop and discussion on school clique culture among boys and girls, its make-up, pitfalls, and strategies for helping students survive the “social jungle.” </li></ul><ul><li>WHEN: Tuesday evening, Jan 14 th </li></ul><ul><li>Registration at 6:30 p.m., </li></ul><ul><li>program at 7:00 p.m. </li></ul><ul><li>WHERE: Geneva Middle School </li></ul><ul><li> Choir Room </li></ul>
  2. 2. “ BEHIND A FAÇADE OF FEMALE INTIMACY LIES A TERRAIN TRAVELED IN SECRET, MARKED WITH ANGUISH, AND NOURISHED BY SILENCE.” --Rachel Simmons Author: Odd Girl Out
  3. 3. SCHOOL CLIQUES THE REAL SURVIVOR SERIES! Presented by Cheryl Curry, M.S.Ed. Professional School Counselor
  4. 4. WHAT IS A CLIQUE? AN EXCLUSIVE GROUP
  5. 5. CHARACTERISTICS OF CLIQUES <ul><li>Usually form between ages 10 & 15 </li></ul><ul><li>Stem from an overwhelming desire to fit in </li></ul><ul><li>Revolve around interests w/ friends and peers </li></ul><ul><li>Deal in social power </li></ul><ul><li>Not everyone is welcome </li></ul><ul><li>excluding becomes the primary activity </li></ul>
  6. 6. CHARACTERISTICS CONTINUED… <ul><li>Peers serve as a panel of judges who define each other based on identifiable traits (clothing, music, activities, inside jokes, rituals) </li></ul><ul><li>Formed around 1 or 2 leaders </li></ul><ul><li>Have strict rules </li></ul><ul><li>Feed off a super-sensitivity to criticism and a need to belong </li></ul>
  7. 7. TYPES OF CLIQUES
  8. 8. THE POPULARS <ul><li>“ I’M ALWAYS WORRIED” </li></ul><ul><li>35% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Beautiful, athletic, charming, affluent </li></ul><ul><li>Set the tone for the entire class </li></ul>
  9. 9. THE POPULARS <ul><li>Have the most friends – exclusive </li></ul><ul><li>Socialize earlier than others both in and out of school </li></ul><ul><li>Appear to have cornered the market on fun </li></ul><ul><li>Have prestige (via romances, scholastic achievements, athletic exploits) from teachers and classmates </li></ul>
  10. 10. THE FRINGERS <ul><li>“ WHERE’S MY SELF RESPECT?” </li></ul><ul><li>10% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Hoverers </li></ul><ul><li>Mimic the dress and the rules </li></ul><ul><li>Believe that ½ a loaf is better than none </li></ul><ul><li>Welcome temporary inclusion </li></ul>
  11. 11. MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES <ul><li>“ I’M FREE AND CONTENT” </li></ul><ul><li>45% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Non-exclusive </li></ul><ul><li>Small groups of several friends apiece </li></ul><ul><li>Tend to feel most content </li></ul>
  12. 12. MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES <ul><li>Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Can be labeled into subcategories </li></ul><ul><li>Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even contempt for the popular group </li></ul><ul><li>Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them “unpopular” </li></ul>
  13. 13. “ BEHIND A FAÇADE OF FEMALE INTIMACY LIES A TERRAIN TRAVELED IN SECRET, MARKED WITH ANGUISH, AND NOURISHED BY SILENCE.” --Rachel Simmons Author: Odd Girl Out
  14. 14. SCHOOL CLIQUES THE REAL SURVIVOR SERIES! Presented by Cheryl Curry, M.S.Ed. Professional School Counselor
  15. 15. WHAT IS A CLIQUE? AN EXCLUSIVE GROUP
  16. 16. CHARACTERISTICS OF CLIQUES <ul><li>Usually form between ages 10 & 15 </li></ul><ul><li>Stem from an overwhelming desire to fit in </li></ul><ul><li>Revolve around interests w/ friends and peers </li></ul><ul><li>Deal in social power </li></ul><ul><li>Not everyone is welcome </li></ul><ul><li>excluding becomes the primary activity </li></ul>
  17. 17. CHARACTERISTICS CONTINUED… <ul><li>Peers serve as a panel of judges who define each other based on identifiable traits (clothing, music, activities, inside jokes, rituals) </li></ul><ul><li>Formed around 1 or 2 leaders </li></ul><ul><li>Have strict rules </li></ul><ul><li>Feed off a super-sensitivity to criticism and a need to belong </li></ul>
  18. 18. TYPES OF CLIQUES
  19. 19. THE POPULARS <ul><li>“ I’M ALWAYS WORRIED” </li></ul><ul><li>35% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Beautiful, athletic, charming, affluent </li></ul><ul><li>Set the tone for the entire class </li></ul>
  20. 20. MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES <ul><li>Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Can be labeled into subcategories </li></ul><ul><li>Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even contempt for the popular group </li></ul><ul><li>Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them “unpopular” </li></ul>
  21. 21. THE LONERS <ul><li>“ I’M MAD AND I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.” </li></ul><ul><li>10% of population </li></ul><ul><li>No friends </li></ul><ul><li>Social hermits </li></ul><ul><li>Envious </li></ul><ul><li>Susceptible to adolescent depression, drug abuse, violent subcultures </li></ul><ul><li>Often have hidden talent with time to hone that talent </li></ul>
  22. 22. “ BULLY CHIC” THE DARK SIDE OF CLIQUES
  23. 23. CLIQUE BULLIES… <ul><li>Occupy the power center of the group </li></ul><ul><li>Manipulate cliques as a means to bully </li></ul><ul><li>Are supported by media images </li></ul>
  24. 24. FEMALE BULLIES <ul><li>Taught that “nice” is preferable </li></ul><ul><li>Therefore, honesty and straight talk is avoided </li></ul><ul><li>Use friendships as their weapon of choice </li></ul><ul><li>Scapegoat, backstab, belittle, spread rumors, fights, sexually harass, exclude </li></ul>
  25. 25. THE POPULARS <ul><li>Have the most friends – exclusive </li></ul><ul><li>Socialize earlier than others both in and out of school </li></ul><ul><li>Appear to have cornered the market on fun </li></ul><ul><li>Have prestige (via romances, scholastic achievements, athletic exploits) from teachers and classmates </li></ul>
  26. 26. THE FRINGERS <ul><li>“ WHERE’S MY SELF RESPECT?” </li></ul><ul><li>10% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Hoverers </li></ul><ul><li>Mimic the dress and the rules </li></ul><ul><li>Believe that ½ a loaf is better than none </li></ul><ul><li>Welcome temporary inclusion </li></ul>
  27. 27. MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES <ul><li>“ I’M FREE AND CONTENT” </li></ul><ul><li>45% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Non-exclusive </li></ul><ul><li>Small groups of several friends apiece </li></ul><ul><li>Tend to feel most content </li></ul>
  28. 28. MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES <ul><li>Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Can be labeled into subcategories </li></ul><ul><li>Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even contempt for the popular group </li></ul><ul><li>Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them “unpopular” </li></ul>
  29. 29. “ BEHIND A FAÇADE OF FEMALE INTIMACY LIES A TERRAIN TRAVELED IN SECRET, MARKED WITH ANGUISH, AND NOURISHED BY SILENCE.” --Rachel Simmons Author: Odd Girl Out
  30. 30. SCHOOL CLIQUES THE REAL SURVIVOR SERIES! Presented by Cheryl Curry, M.S.Ed. Professional School Counselor
  31. 31. WHAT IS A CLIQUE? AN EXCLUSIVE GROUP
  32. 32. CHARACTERISTICS OF CLIQUES <ul><li>Usually form between ages 10 & 15 </li></ul><ul><li>Stem from an overwhelming desire to fit in </li></ul><ul><li>Revolve around interests w/ friends and peers </li></ul><ul><li>Deal in social power </li></ul><ul><li>Not everyone is welcome </li></ul><ul><li>excluding becomes the primary activity </li></ul>
  33. 33. CHARACTERISTICS CONTINUED… <ul><li>Peers serve as a panel of judges who define each other based on identifiable traits (clothing, music, activities, inside jokes, rituals) </li></ul><ul><li>Formed around 1 or 2 leaders </li></ul><ul><li>Have strict rules </li></ul><ul><li>Feed off a super-sensitivity to criticism and a need to belong </li></ul>
  34. 34. TYPES OF CLIQUES
  35. 35. THE POPULARS <ul><li>“ I’M ALWAYS WORRIED” </li></ul><ul><li>35% of population </li></ul><ul><li>Beautiful, athletic, charming, affluent </li></ul><ul><li>Set the tone for the entire class </li></ul>
  36. 36. MIDDLE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLES <ul><li>Assorted measures of confidence and satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Can be labeled into subcategories </li></ul><ul><li>Nearly all surveyed felt resentment or even contempt for the popular group </li></ul><ul><li>Time Magazine categorized them and labeled them “unpopular” </li></ul>
  37. 37. FEMALE BULLIES <ul><li>Taught that “nice” is preferable </li></ul><ul><li>Therefore, honesty and straight talk is avoided </li></ul><ul><li>Use friendships as their weapon of choice </li></ul><ul><li>Scapegoat, backstab, belittle, spread rumors, fights, sexually harass, exclude </li></ul>
  38. 38. MALE BULLIES <ul><li>Use less emotion and more action </li></ul><ul><li>Broadcast strengths </li></ul><ul><li>Spread rumors </li></ul><ul><li>Fight </li></ul><ul><li>Use weapons </li></ul><ul><li>Deliberate humiliations </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual harassment </li></ul>
  39. 39. MEDIA IMAGES <ul><li>“ She’s All That” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Bring It On” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Popular” </li></ul><ul><li>“ The In-Crowd” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Beverly Hills 90210” </li></ul>
  40. 40. MEDIA IMAGES <ul><li>“ The Breakfast Club” </li></ul><ul><li>“ 10 Things I Hate About You” </li></ul><ul><li>“ American Pie” </li></ul><ul><li>Coverage of the Oscars </li></ul><ul><li>People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People </li></ul><ul><li>Fashion Magazines </li></ul>
  41. 41. BELIEF SYSTEMS <ul><li>BEING TEASED IS SOMETIMES BETTER THAN BEING IGNORED </li></ul><ul><li>THE BIGGEST BULLIES ARE IN THE POPULAR CROWD, SO THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT </li></ul><ul><li>CLOTHES AND LOOKS MATTER </li></ul><ul><li>POPULAR DOES NOT EQUAL NICE </li></ul>
  42. 42. THE VICTIMS <ul><li>PASSIVE VICTIM </li></ul><ul><li>“ I don’t know how </li></ul><ul><li>to fight back.” </li></ul><ul><li>PROVACATIVE VICTIM </li></ul><ul><li>“ People think I deserve it.” </li></ul><ul><li>ONE-DIMENSIONAL VICTIM </li></ul><ul><li>“ If only I wasn’t …” </li></ul>
  43. 43. MIDDLE SCHOOLERS’ CRITERIA FOR BEING POPULAR… <ul><li>BOYS… </li></ul><ul><li>1. Athleticism </li></ul><ul><li>2. Stature </li></ul><ul><li>3. Sense of humor </li></ul><ul><li>GIRLS </li></ul><ul><li>1. Looks </li></ul><ul><li>2. Clothes </li></ul><ul><li>3. Vivacious or bubbly personality </li></ul>
  44. 44. HOW WE CAN HELP <ul><li>Diagram the cafeteria </li></ul><ul><li>Play “whatever happened to…” </li></ul><ul><li>Have students identify the clique leaders </li></ul><ul><li>Have students explain criteria for admission </li></ul><ul><li>Identify emotions and their triggers </li></ul><ul><li>Video and bibliotherapy </li></ul><ul><li>Write a recipe for how to starve a bully </li></ul>
  45. 45. HOW WE CAN HELP <ul><li>Role playing </li></ul><ul><li>Humor </li></ul><ul><li>Confounding the bully </li></ul><ul><li>Positive self-talk </li></ul><ul><li>Make the bully look stupid </li></ul><ul><li>Help them conform in safe ways </li></ul>
  46. 46. HOW WE CAN HELP <ul><li>Give them precise vocabulary to define moments of humiliation (theft, libel, etc.) </li></ul><ul><li>Encourage the silent majority to speak up </li></ul><ul><li>Teach tolerance </li></ul><ul><li>Mentoring programs </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid overprotecting—it sends the message “you are incompetent” </li></ul><ul><li>Form a school club (circle of friends, natural helpers, the respect club, the peace place) </li></ul>
  47. 47. HOW WE CAN HELP <ul><li>Recruit the parents </li></ul><ul><li>Survey the size of the problem </li></ul><ul><li>Use performance drama </li></ul><ul><li>Ask the librarian to use the display area </li></ul><ul><li>Provide curriculum ideas to tie into lessons </li></ul><ul><li>Invite the children to speak in groups </li></ul>
  48. 48. HOW WE CAN HELP <ul><li>Lunch bag notes such as tips for practicing social skills or idea cards </li></ul><ul><li>Help them distinguish between social acceptance and personal acceptance </li></ul><ul><li>Identify other areas where belonging exists (family, home life, bedroom) and use them to balance the need for belonging and personal acceptance </li></ul>
  49. 49. HOW WE CAN HELP <ul><li>Gather info., empathize, then use it to empower the child (e.g.: what excellent powers of observation you have!) </li></ul><ul><li>Process the child’s belief system </li></ul>

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