How to make a good


Published on

Published in: Education
  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Total views
On SlideShare
From Embeds
Number of Embeds
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

How to make a good

  1. 1. How to Make a Good 'First Impression' - Jul-15-2002 - by, The Small Business Knowledge Base We sometimes get only one chance to make an impression on someone either in our personal or business life. Therefore it is important to remember some basic things to do that will assure us of making the best impression possible. Here are ten of the most common things people can do to make the best first impression possible. 1. Appear Neat And Dress Appropriately Being neat in our appearance is something we can do regardless of whether we are trying to make a good impression on someone or not. In a *first meeting* situation for business, to show up in jeans, tennis shoes and with uncombed hair would be a big mistake. If the situation is social, dressing casual is fine depending on where you are meeting, but being well groomed is always going to make a good impression. 2. Maintain Good Eye Contact From the first time you meet the person til you part, maintain good direct eye contact with them. This usually indicates to people that you are listening to them, interested in them, and friendly. You need not stare or glare at them. Simply focus on them and their immediate direction the majority of the time. When talking, look at them also, since your new acquaintance wants to be sure you are talking to him/her and not the floor. It also will give you an idea of how the person is receiving what you are saying to them if you are looking at them. 3. Shake Their Hand At The Beginning And When Parting Whether it is a business meeting or a social occasion, most people appreciate or expect a friendly handshake. The best kind is firm (no need to prove your strength) and 3-5 seconds long. Pumping up and down or jerking their arm about is not needed nor usually welcomed. A *limp rag* handshake is not recommended unless you have good reason to believe shaking the person's hand any harder would injure them. Look at them in the eye when shaking their hand. 4. SMILE! A smile goes a long way in making a first impression. When you shake hands with the person, smile as you introduce yourself or say hello. Even if the other person does not smile, you can, and the other person will remember it. As you talk or listen to the person speak, smile off and on to show your interest, amusement, or just to show you are being friendly. 5. Listen More Than You Talk Unless you are asked for your life story (in which case give a
  2. 2. very abbreviated version) let the other person do most of the talking as you listen. Listening to your new acquaintance will give you information to refer to later, and it will give your new friend the impression you are genuinely interested in them, their business, etc. If you are asked questions, feel free to talk. If you are really bored, avoid 3-5 word sentence replies to your companion's questions. Pretend at least to be interested. You won't/don't necessarily ever have to talk with this person again. 6. Relax And Be Yourself Who else would you be? Well, sometimes people try to act differently than they normally would to impress or show off to a new acquaintance. Putting on facades and *airs* is not recommended, as a discerning person will sense it and it will have a negative affect on how they view you. Just be yourself and relax and *go with the flow* of conversation. 7. Ask Them About *Their* Business And Personal Life Show that you have an active interest in the other person's professional and personal life. When an appropriate time comes, ask them to tell you about their family and their business if they have not already done so. People love to talk about themselves. They usually feel flattered and respected when others, especially people who have never met them, show real interest in their business and their personal life. It also shows that you are not self-centered when you do not spend alot of time talking about yourself and *your* life. 8. Don't *Name Drop* Or Brag Very few people you will meet for the first time will be favorably impressed if you start telling them you know Donald Trump, Don Johnson, or the CEO of Widgits, Inc. They want to get to know you and have you get to know them. Experienced and secure business people are not impressed by who you know as much as what you know. If someone asks you if you know *so and so*, then it's appropriate to tell them the truth. Unless they do, it sounds like you are very insecure and trying to really *impress them*. Bragging about your financial, business or social coups or feats is likewise in bad taste and not recommended. Just keep it simple and factual and be yourself. 9. Don't Eat Or *Drink* Too Much If your first meeting is at a function or place where food and alcohol are served, it is wise to eat and drink in moderation. This is especially true of drinking alcohol! You want to be able to listen well and remember what is said, and speak well for yourself. There is probably nothing that leaves a worse first impression on a business or social date than for their new *acquaintance* to get intoxicated and to say or do things that are embarrassing, rude, crude, or all three. Use good self- control and eat as your new friend does, and drink only in social moderation or not at all. What is done one night under the influence of alcoholic merriment might be regretted for hundreds
  3. 3. of nights in clear-headed sobriety! 10. Part With A Smile, A Handshake And A Sincere Comment Or Compliment Regardless of how you felt the evening went it is simply common courtesy to shake hands when the evening is over, offer a smile and some sort of friendly comment or compliment. If it was a social evening and you had a great time, offer a sincere compliment and let them know you'd like to meet again. If it was a business meeting, offer a smile and a sincere comment around how it was nice to meet them, get to know them, learn about their business etc. You may never have to see the person again, but they may know people who they will tell about their meeting with you who you *will* work with or need to meet down the road. It always pays to be kind and polite even if you were not treated that way or did not enjoy the time you spent with someone. Best practices: How to make the best first impression on your doctors by Dorothy Leeds and Sharyn Kolberg There's an old saying that goes, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." It may be a cliché, but it's one that definitely applies to pharmaceutical reps. The first time you meet a doctor, you lay the foundation for a long-term relationship; therefore, you want that first meeting to be as positive as possible. The first impression you make affects every subsequent visit. It's difficult to undo a negative first impression. While it's always possible to change someone's mind about you, it's much easier to establish a solid relationship right from the start. There are many situations where you are in a position to meet a new doctor and make a first impression. For instance: • You are a new rep, visiting a doctor for the first time. • You've moved to a new company and are meeting new doctors. • You have been given a new territory with your present company. • New doctors have moved into your current territory. Most doctors we spoke to – and we polled almost fifty doctors for this article – agreed that they are willing to give a new rep (someone they have not met before) more time at their first meeting. It's up to you to take advantage of this opportunity to make the strongest impression possible. The secret to building relationships Remember Sally Fields' Academy Award acceptance speech? "You like me. You really like me!" That's what many reps hope to say after their first meeting with the doctor. They think that being liked is the key to making sales and building relationships. Being liked is, needless to say, important. But it is not the most important aspect of building strong relationships. Nor is it the reason that most people (including doctors) make their buying decisions. The truth is, according to another old saying: People buy from people they like, trust and respect.
  4. 4. People may agree to see you or speak with you because of the company or product you represent, but in the end they buy because of who you are and how you treat them. They'll do business with you if: • They like you. This means that doctors find you agreeable to deal with and take pleasure in your company. It doesn't mean you have to become best friends with every doctor, nor that you necessarily have to become part of their lives outside of work (although in some cases you might). It means that within the context of your interactions, doctors know you to be affable, respectful, considerate and accommodating. • They trust you. They rely on your integrity. They have confidence that you're there for their best interest (as well as your own – they know you're there to sell them something). This is a trust that you earn as you go, from your initial meeting on. • They respect you. They consider you to be an expert in your field, and they consider you someone who has a thorough knowledge of their practice, their patients and their needs. These three factors work together to give you an edge. Many salespeople admit that they have strong affiliation needs – in other words, they like to be liked. Salespeople also say that doctors complain to them about those "tough" reps who are incredibly persistent. And yet those "tough" reps get a large share of the doctors' business. Why? Doctors respect them because are doing their job — selling. Doctors won't prescribe your drugs based solely on the fact that they like you; they will prescribe your drugs because they like you and they trust and respect you. Trust and respect are much more important. You have to prove yourself worthy at that very first visit. Take a lesson from the Boy Scouts: Be prepared Since becoming a successful salesperson depends on earning the trust and respect of your doctors, this is a process that must be continually practiced. You're not only selling your product, you're selling yourself. You begin selling yourself even before you get in to see the doctor. The impressions you make depend greatly on your preparation for your first meeting. You can collect a wealth of information from the nurses, receptionist or office manager. If you establish good relationships with the support staff first, you stand a much better chance of establishing a good relationship with the doctor. And if you get as much information from the staff as possible, you increase your chances even more. The way to really shine at your first meeting is to be prepared before you get there. Here's a good rule to go by: Never ask the doctor anything you could learn by asking someone else. Here are some questions you might want to ask the staff before you schedule an appointment to see the physician: • What is the best time to get in to see the doctor? • What is the doctor's usual procedure for seeing reps? • What is the doctor's policy about out-of-office events? • Which particular journals and reports does the doctor usually read? • What can you tell me about the doctor's personal style? (Is she a time-pressed, no-nonsense, "just the facts" person? Is he someone who enjoys a short break and a minute or two of small talk?) • Is there anything unusual or distinctive about this doctor? (Does the doctor have any hobbies you should know about, or particular interests, in or out of the field of medicine?) • Has the doctor ever told you what he likes or doesn't like in a rep?
  5. 5. Your goal is not only to make a good impression on the doctor, but also to make a positive impression on everyone in the office. You want to be someone who is always welcome in the office. If you have strong affiliation needs, use them on the office staff. Get the doctor to trust and respect you, and let the office staff love you. 'The doctor will see you now' Once you've established a relationship with the staff, it's time to see the doctor. What is your goal for that first meeting? You want to establish yourself in the doctor's mind as being credible, knowledgeable and interesting. You want to let the doctor know that you are different, that you are better prepared than your competition, and that you are worthy of respect and trust. You are there to do your job, and you want to show it in the most helpful, professional, interesting way that you can. After you briefly introduce yourself, there are questions to ask the doctor: • Your office staff has told me this is how you like to deal with reps (then list the information you've received). Is there anything you want to add to that? • What sources do you value most – do you want to see details? Do you prefer journal reprints? Who are the experts that you trust and admire? • How can I be most valuable to you as a rep? • Who are the reps you respect and trust? Why? At the first meeting, the doctor might want to know some information about you. Let the doctor know something about you, something that will make you stand out from all the other reps that come into the office. If your doctor loves golf, and you just played at Saint Andrews in Scotland, don't be shy about sharing your experiences. Put your best foot forward! Here are five helpful hints to make a powerful first impression: • Begin on a high note. Emotions are contagious. If you walk into the office in a bad mood, depressed, anxious or exhausted – and you show it – your doctor will slide right down to your level. On the other hand, if you are sincerely upbeat and enthusiastic, the doctor will want to ride that wave along with you. It's especially important that you are in an energized, positive, upbeat mood at that first meeting. Be someone your doctor will always welcome. • Watch your body language. Sloppy posture conveys a lack of confidence and possibly a lack of discipline. It's surprising how many people neglect this crucial aspect of making an impression. Standing erect, balanced between both feet and with your shoulders back, you convey an alert and enthusiastic manner, even if that's not how you really feel. • Say it with your eyes. There's no better way to make a good first impression than by looking a person in the eye, smiling sincerely, and saying, "It's nice to meet you." When you're making your presentation, or any time that you're making an important point, be sure to look directly into the eyes of the other person. If you're explaining the benefits of your products while you're looking down at the floor or over your shoulder, your words may be telling the doctor one thing, but your eyes will communicate inconsistency, as well as a lack of confidence and conviction. • Confirm it with your grip. A handshake is second only to eye contact in conveying an air of confidence. It may be a cliché to recommend a firm handshake, but many a good impression has been ruined by an ineffectual handshake (sweaty or weak) or one that is overly vigorous. The physical contact of the two hands meeting gives you an unparalleled degree of bonding. Concentrate on allowing your hands to grasp fully and firmly, and adjust your grip to the other person's, making sure it is equally firm. Keep your eye contact steady, smile and say the doctor's name: "Dr. Smith, it's a pleasure to meet you."
  6. 6. • Have your questions ready. Don't bombard the doctor with questions as if it were an inquisition. Know what questions you want to ask, but don't act as if you're reading them off a script. Your questions and your statements should never appear canned. Be conversational and listen to the answers. Take notes if you need to, so that you can use the information for your subsequent visits. It's not only helpful to you, it's also flattering to your doctors. The best advice of all? Be yourself You can't make a good impression trying to be someone you're not. Even if you do, you won't be able to sustain a persona that is uncomfortable for you. Be yourself, be enthusiastic and establish a relationship based on sincere communication between you and the doctor. The most important points to remember about making a good impression are: • Concentrate on gaining the doctor's trust and respect. • Be prepared; gather as much information as you can before you see the doctor. • Ask the doctor intelligent, thoughtful questions that will tell you how best to perform your job on your next visits. • Be yourself. Follow this advice, and not only will you feel competent and confident, but your first visit will be the start of a great relationship. Treat every first visit as a very special occasion and you'll establish a rapport that is strong, long-lasting and profitable. PR Dorothy Leeds is the Guru of Questions, an internationally known speaker and the best-selling author of "Powerspeak," "Smart Questions" and "The Seven Powers of Questions." The concepts in her books are the foundation for the hundreds of workshop and keynote presentations she makes every year. She can be reached at or at (212) 864-2424. Sharyn Kolberg is a communications expert, ghostwriter and editor, with more than 15 books on the market. Her writing credits include co-writing the Smart Questions series with Dorothy Leeds and "The 12 Clichés of Selling and Why They Work" with Barry J. Farber. She can be reached at or at (212) 864-2424. Make a Superb First Impression By Arlen Busenitz It is extremely important that people have a good first impression of you. Either you make a good impression or you will suffer for it! It is going to affect how your contact views you for the rest of that conversation. It can affect how fast a friendship starts, or how fast business relationships get going. You have got to make a good first impression! What is a "first impression"? Simply it is the first thoughts a person has toward you after seeing you or listening to what you have to say. These are made during the first five seconds and then the first few minutes of a conversation. It has been said that a speaker has 5 minutes to convince the audience that he/she has something good to say. How you act, dress, and talk are all going to affect "the first impression". A customer's first impression of a salesmen will have an impact on whether the customer buys. The first impression a manager has of you will affect whether you are hired. How you act in the first moments of meeting your new neighbor will sharply affect his/her view of you. Yes, you need to make a good first impression! It can stop a sale, or it can help you make an instant friend! How do you make a good impression? Here is one way which is guaranteed to work. Do this and people will have excellent first thoughts about you! This is the key:
  7. 7. When you meet someone (friend or new contact), greet them on the phone, or pass them on the street, act ENTHUSED to meet them! ·Give them a "winning" smile. ·Cheerfully greet them with "hello (name)". Let your voice show that you are glad to see them! ·Act like you are greeting a best friend who has been gone for awhile. ·If you walk into a group, greet or acknowledge every person. Look them in the eye. Either verbally greet them or at least make eye contact and acknowledge every single person. ·Greet your friends, contacts, and family the same way. ·When someone calls, say a professional "hello". When you find out who is calling, act glad to hear their voice. What if you DO NOT feel like it? Who cares! ACT enthusiastic to meet them and you will BE enthusiastic to meet them. They will feel important and will be glad to see YOU. You will make an excellent first impression. This technique alone will work wonders for you! You will stand out from the crowd. Customers will want to come back. When a customer sees that you are glad to have them buy from you, they will want to come back and buy MORE from YOU. You have probably realized that puppies make friends very easily. When they greet a person they smile, wag their tail and are absolutely happy to see you. They want to be your friend. The result is that you in turn want to pet the puppy, and be the puppies friend. This same principal works with you social contacts. Be glad to see them and they will usually be glad to see you. You will make a good impression and they will like you. This is just one technique for making a good first impression. Apply it and it will work! Find more articles at First Impressions Do You Make Your First Impression Your Best Impression? Within the first three seconds of a new encounter, you are evaluated… even if it is just a glance. People appraise your visual and behavioral appearance from head to toe. They observe your demeanor, mannerisms, and body language and even assess your grooming and accessories – watch, handbag, briefcase. Within only three seconds, you make an indelible impression. You may intrigue some and disenchant others. This first impression process occurs in every new situation. Within the first few seconds, people pass judgment on you – looking for common surface clues. Once the first impression is made, it is virtually irreversible. The process works like this: • If you appear to be of comparable business or social level, you are considered suitable for further interaction.
  8. 8. • If you appear to be of higher business or social status, you are admired and cultivated as a valuable contact. • If you appear to be of lower business or social standing, you are tolerated but kept at arm's length. • If you are in an interview situation, you can either appear to match the corporate culture or not, ultimately affecting the outcome. It is human nature to constantly make these appraisals, in business and social environments. You may hardly have said a word, however once this three-second evaluation is over, the content of your speech will not change it. When you make the best possible first impression, you have your audience in the palm of your hand. When you make a poor first impression, you lose your audience’s attention, no matter how hard you scramble to recover it. You can learn to make a positive and lasting first impression, modify it to suit any situation, and come out a winner. Doing so requires you to assess and identify your personality, physical appearance, lifestyle and goals. Those who do will have the advantage. Success comes to those with integrity, those that are resourceful, and those that make a fabulous impression!Guest author Michelle T. Sterling, AICI, is Principal and Founder of Global Image Group, a full-service consulting firm specializing in helping clients develop a strong first impression and brand identity, through wardrobe and image development, communication, etiquette and protocol skills. ~ Michelle Sterling, Global Image Group First impressions can make or break your first meeting with someone new. First impressions may be your only chance to make an impression before someone gets to know the real you. Meeting someone new is almost like going on an interview. Many of you have been out of the dating scene for awhile. Let’s face it, we live in a society that where how you look counts. That doesn’t mean you have to be a Barbie Doll or Mr. GQ. All you have to do is make your assets shine and remove any liabilities. It is always important to look your best so you feel confident about the impression you are making and about you. And keep in mind, the way you treat yourself is the impression that someone has of how you will treat them. This doesn’t mean that a guy needs to look like James Bond or a woman like Demi Moore. Just don’t go to your first meeting looking like a schlep (a Seinfeld Yiddish word for grungy, sloppy, not put together). Please keep in mind that this list was put together for an average "city person" in the Midwest in their mid 20’s to 60’s. The Gen X crowd, college students, and singles in rural areas live by slightly different rules when it comes to dress. Just keep in mind: Cleanliness, up to date, polished, and looking good are the words we want in your vocabulary when you fix yourself up for that first meeting. When was the last time you updated your look? Here is a checklist of things to do: Women: ♥ Make sure your nails are filed, at least with painted with a coat of clear polish. Ragged nails or nails with dirt under them are a turn off for guys.
  9. 9. ♥ Use makeup close to your skin color, colors that are natural and compliment your skin. For a great update go to the nearest Clinique or Lancome counter at any of the major department stores. Bring a girlfriend for an hour of fun. It’s FREE advice. ♥ Update your hairstyle. You don’t have to change your hair to something wild. If your hair is down to your waist or hasn’t changed in 3 years, go find a new hairdresser. ♥ Glasses that are not up to date are another turn off for men. If your glasses are more than 3 years old, have very large lenses, again, it is time to see about a new pair. It’s amazing, you can go to Wal-Mart and get new designer brand name glasses for next to nothing. ♥ Take inventory of your wardrobe. When was the last time you bought something new? Wear something classy and tasteful for the first meeting. Dress pants or a nice skirt and blouse. Don’t wear anything uncomfortable or too revealing. Do wear sexy underwear. Even though you won’t be showing, it will make a difference in how you feel about yourself. On future dates, don’t ever wear jeans with holes, see though clothing, polyester clothing or jewelry that makes noise when you move. Everything marked down up to 70% off! ♥ Wear some sexy underwear under your new clothes. It will make you feel cool and confident. A great place to look for sexy underwearare: Playboy Lingerie and you can get 20% off many top brands of women's intimates at Bare Necessities Shoes that shine! Discounts on designer shoes, no sales tax and no shipping! ♥ If your teeth are yellow from smoking or coffee, try an over the counter whitening toothpaste. For the best results, spend the money and get the whitening gel and mouthpieces from your dentist. Nothing is sexier than pearly white teeth. Also, if you have any broken teeth, check into bonding. It is an inexpensive way to make your smile look almost perfect. ♥ Fragrance-Smell is an important attraction. Make sure you have a shower before your meeting if it has been a hot day, you just worked out and/or you have been traveling. You may be used to your own body odor, but there is no greater turn on for a man than a woman who just showered with freshly shampooed hair and a light whiff of a good cologne/perfume. Wear a good clean fragrance. Take a friend to the department store and start sniffing. If you don't have time to check out new fragrances or would like to have free samples mailed to you, check out. Men: ♥ Scrub the dirt from under your nails. Clip your nails short. Men with unclipped and dirty fingernails just look gross. ♥ Get a haircut and make it short. Hair past your ears let alone your shoulders looks ridiculous unless you are in a rock band or are a model like Fabio. ♥ If you have a beard, mustache or goatee, make sure it is trimmed well. The Grizzly Adams and Dr. Koop look are out. Keep in mind that many women have sensitive skin and find kissing a man with facial hair a turnoff. (Think about it guys, would you want to kiss a Brillo Pad for 2 hours. Unless a man can grow a mustache that looks like Tom Selleck’s and has a wide smile, most of the time a mustache makes the man’s mouth look small, his facial expression sad, and if it is droopy it just looks ridiculous. Sorry guys, but most of you grow these things to be in or macho and60-70% of the facial hair women see on guys either doesn’t match the color of their real hair,
  10. 10. is scraggly and uneven, makes their mouth look small,....well, you get the idea. ♥ Did you know that ninety percent of all women prefer a clean-shaven man at any age? Now you do. The dye job looks bad. Get it done professionally. Nothing spells nerd like a home bottle dye job (except maybe a rug.) You've been out in the sun or you've lost a lot of weight and your facial skin is sagging. Consider plastic surgery or collagen injections; if I told you would attract younger women if you did would it be worth your while? If you want to catch a big fish, bait the hook! ♥ Take a good look in the mirror. Do your eye brows run together? If so have them professionally tweezed or electrolysis to remove the unwanted hair. Countless men go dateless because they have a stern/severe look from eyebrows that knit together making them look unhappy. Fortunately you can fix it! ♥ Glasses that are not up to date are another turn off for women. If your glasses are more than 3 years old, are aviator style, or large lenses, it is time to see about a new pair. It’s amazing, you can go to Wal-Mart and get new designer brand name glasses for next to nothing. ♥ If you look older than you are you may appear this way because: You are wearing a mustache AND a beard AND glasses, have mostly gray hair under 45, and/or your beard and/or mustache is not the same color as your hair. You are hiding your face! Shave it off and try to get contacts. Consider the "Just for Men" products or get a professional dye job. Most guys with both long hair, beards and mustaches combined look like convicts/prisoners. Unless you are in a motorcycle gang looking for a motorcycle woman, get a shave and a hair cut! ♥ Take inventory of your wardrobe. When was the last time you bought something new? Wear something classy and tasteful for the first meeting. Dress slacks or Dockers and a polo shirt or nice dress shirt. Don’t wear jeans or t-shirts on a first meeting or a date. And wear a pair of loafers or dress shoes (make sure they are not scuffed). Leave the Vibram soled shoes, hiking boots and tennis shoes for a casual date when you know her better. Unless it is over 90 degrees, don’t show up in shorts, and if you do, make sure you wear dress shorts and leather loafers. You can tell a lot about a man by what he wears on his feet and how he cares for his shoes. A good pair of loafers (check out the latest Cole Hahn’s) always looks good. Don’t ever wear shoes that are scuffed, dirty or are in desperate need of polish. Don’t ever wear jeans with holes, see though clothing, polyester clothing or jewelry that makes noise when you move. For a quick wardrobe update, and great deals on stylish clothing for men check out: Paul Fredrick. They have a seasonal clearance of up to 50% off on men's clothes and shoes and have a sign up for a $1000 shopping spree. Men's Shoes at discount! No shipping or sale tax! ♥ If your teeth are yellow from smoking or coffee, try an over the counter whitening toothpaste. For the best results, spend the money and get the whitening gel and mouthpieces from your dentist. Nothing is sexier than pearly white teeth. Also, if you have any broken teeth, check into bonding. It is an inexpensive way to make your smile look almost perfect. ♥ Fragrance-Smell is an important attraction. Make sure you have a shower before your meeting if it has been a hot day, you just worked out and/or you have been traveling. You may be used to your own body odor, but there is no greater turn on for a woman than a man who just showered and shaved with freshly shampooed hair and a light whiff of a good designer cologne/aftershave. Wear a good clean fragrance (nothing cheap!). Take a friend to the department store and start sniffing. No Old Spice PLEASE! What NOT to do at your first meeting:
  11. 11. Men's Top Turn Offs about Women they Date: • Talking with your mouth full of food. • Answering a cell phone at dinner or during a meeting. Turn it off. • Not saying Please and THANK YOU • Discussions about Astrology, UFO’s and other New Age type talk • Asking the waiter for a doggy bag (don’t do this until you have dated a couple of months). • Using slang or curse words. • Gossip • Talking a subject to death. • Talking about previous boyfriends, ex husband • Dressing in a "slutty", overly provocative manner in the first few meetings. • Unshaved underarms and legs • Over processed, big, blond hair, over sprayed untouchable hair, or out of style hair • Unstylish clothing-the frumpy look, sack like clothing is unattractive • Chipped and peeling fingernail polish • Overdressing Women's Top Turn Offs about the Men they Date, or Reasons why a woman won't even say Yes to the first date: • Unmanicured hands, grease or dirt under the nails, nails that need to be cut. • Excessively cheap or frugal: Expecting a woman to split the check, leaving miserly tips or none at all, don't own a cell phone or only keep in your car for emergencies only. If you are driving a car more than 5-6 years old, economy car, your clothes are threadbare, shoes scuffed (ie, you don't buy yourself anything new), you will appear that you are cheap and will be cheap with your date will rarely get past the second date. • Showing up for your date looking like you are ready to go to the beach or camping rather than ready to take your date on the town. • Answering a cell phone at dinner or during a meeting. Leave your cell phone in the car or turn it off.
  12. 12. • Blowing your nose loudly at the dinner table. • Talking with your mouth full of food. • Poor etiquette and bad table manners: Not using knife and fork when appropriate, putting knife in mouth, not opening doors or car doors or pulling the chair out at the dinner table for the lady, not walking her to the door. • Asking the waiter for a doggy bag (don’t do this until you have dated awhile). • Not tipping the 20% for dinner and 15% for lunch. (This is also a personal peeve of mine...everyone should tip appropriately......these people work hard for those tips. I have been with people who said they wouldn't tip well when told that they couldn't do separate checks for 3 couples at dinner. Those are the restaurant rules, not the wait staff. Take care of the people waiting on you and be pleasant. People remember and the next time you will have excellent service....another great way to impress your date). • Using slang or curse words. • Dressing like a schlep • Talking about previous ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. • No prospects/ambition. Women will often be more attracted to a man is trying to reach a goal, rather than a man who has already made a goal. So, even if you are in a great job, have lots of success - tell women you are shooting for more. • Talking about the women they have dated or are currently dating. Especially if she is a size 2, a model, had long blond hair, etc. No one wants to compete with your ex. • Over 28 and or you are out of college more than 4 years and still living with Mom and Dad. Do you really want to look like a Mama's boy or frugal. Get your own apartment or get a roommate. Really Bad Taste, and Definite No No’s for your first, second, third, fourth…..meeting (this stuff really makes you look like a LOSER):
  13. 13. • Belching and Farting…..this is something construction workers do after they have had too much beer. • Talking about your dysfunctional family in your first meeting, that you were your parent’s little accident or even admitting anyone in your family or you know has been on one of those talk shows….you know, the ones with the white trash hashing it out on National TV. • Saying “Howdy”…..this makes you sound like a hick. • Sulking and whining about anything: your past relationships, fighting with your mother, your boss, etc. • Admitting that you are not insured….car or health. • Talking ultra fast makes you sound nervous and lacking in confidence. Talking verrrrrrrrrrry slow make you sound stupid. • Wearing hats, ball caps and sunglasses indoors. Proper etiquette is to take you hat and sunglasses off when you sit down to dinner. Wearing a ball cap on the first meeting is an immediate turn off for many women. • Saying “you know” at the end of every sentence. This is annoying and makes you sound like you are not very intelligent. First impressions count Face-to-face interactions are becoming less frequent, making it more crucial than ever before to make a good first impression. Beginning an occasional column by ILENE AMIEL. WHY is appearance so important? Shouldn't we be judged by who we are on the inside and what we have done with our lives? I wish it was that simple but it isn't. Social psychologists studying the impact of image have determined that someone meeting you for the first time will make up to 10 decisions or judgments about you within the first 30 seconds. These include your economic and educational levels, trustworthiness, social position, level of sophistication, economic heritage, social heritage, success and moral character. When meeting someone new, we have limited information about them and look for clues to fill in the blanks. The "clues" that are used to base these opinions on are appearance, voice and words. A research study by Professor Albert Mehrabin entitled "Silent Messages" has proven convincingly that visual images matter a great deal. He found that the impact we make on each other depends - 55 per cent on our appearance, 38 per cent on our voice and seven per cent on what we say. Imagine the following scenario in which you are going to meet someone new. You walk in, extend your hand to greet him/her, smile and shake hands. While you are introducing yourself, the other person is instantly deciding whether or not they like and trust you. This is human nature; people all over the world from different cultures act the same way. Some people might not be conscious of these thoughts but most people remember their initial impression of others. To be successful in almost any area, you must be sure these decisions about you are favourable. If the impression that you made on someone was negative, it could take up to seven more in-person meetings to change their perception of you. Have you ever heard the expression, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression?"
  14. 14. In the 21st Century, face-to-face interactions are becoming less frequent and brief. Phones, e-mail, computers, faxes and Federal Express have replaced the old fashioned way of communicating in person. Therefore, it is even more crucial than ever before to make a good first impression. To make a good first impression, consider the three key elements. The handshake, eye contact and your appearance. How would you describe you handshake? Is it firm, bone crushing or like a jellyfish? Eye contact - do you look directly at the other person's face or downwards? Your appearance - are you always dressed and groomed impeccably? If you are becoming aware that there are some areas that need improvement, you are off to a good start. I have found that the difference between being dressed and well dressed lies in the details. This includes all areas of fit and grooming. The best place to begin checking to see how well dressed you are is at the top. For men, begin by examining your hair. Is the cut/style flattering and upto date? Did you put the right amount of oil in your hair or too much? Do your clothes fit properly? Do the shoulders on your suit jacket fit properly? If the shoulders are wider than your own, it may be the wrong size. When buying suits or sports jackets, start by finding a jacket with shoulders that fit properly. Does your shirt fit well or is it too baggy? Does it look like it belongs to someone larger in size? Is your shirt tucked in your pants? One of the biggest image killer is the untucked shirt. This creates a sloppy look. How about your pants? Are your pants tootoo tight? If you see horizonal folds in the fabric, then the answer is yes. Are they clean and pressed with a crease? Are your pants too short? When standing, you should not be able to see your sock colour or the top of the back of your shoes. Does your socks reach at least mid calf? When crossing your legs, others should not be able to see the skin on your legs. Have you coordinated your socks, pants and shoes? The rule of thumb is that your socks should match either your shoe colour or your pant colour. Are your shoes polished and in good condition? Finally, the most important part of your personal image - cleanliness. Using good judgment in personal hygiene conveys that you respect yourself and consequently others. It is best to shave, shower, brush your teeth and use deodorant every day. For most women, your hair is considered your crowning glory. Make sure to keep hair cut, styled and neat at all times. Makeup should be used in moderation and not overpower the face beneath. You should always choose clothing in colours that are flattering and complimentary to your complexion. Sometimes the colours that we choose are not flattering to our colouring. Your clothing should always fit properly. Careful consideration should be used when buying trendy clothing. Clothing styles and colours change every season. When building a wardrobe, it is always better to choose traditional colours to start. Women need to be aware of the appropriate skirt length. Since hemlines move up two inches when you sit, you must make sure the dress/skirt is only one to two inches above your knee. When skirts are too short, it is distracting and diminishes your credibility. Shoes should always be the same colour as your hemline or darker. They should never be a lighter colour because it draws attention to your feet. Shoes need to be polished and in good condition at all times. Finally, everyone should own a full-length mirror. It is the best investment to ensure that you always make a great first and last impression. E-mail the writer at Ilene Amiel is a professional image consultant with 10 years of experience teaching seminars on Professional Image and Business Casual Dress for corporations and organisations. She spent 10 years working as an account manager at various international advertising agencies in New York City. Send this article to Friends by E-Mail
  15. 15. ow To Make A Strong First Impression: Seven Tips That Really Work by Bill Lampton, Ph.D. We have all heard this warning: "You never get a second chance to make a good first impression." Also, psychologists, writers, and seminar leaders caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us. With this widely acknowledged pressure to "make our case" instantly, here are my seven tips for making your first impression strongly positive. The greatest way to make a positive first impression is to demonstrate immediately that the other person, not you, is the center of action and conversation. Illustrate that the spotlight is on you only, and you'll miss opportunities for friendships, jobs, love relationships, networking, and sales. Show that you are other-centered, and first-time acquaintances will be eager to see you again. Recently I attended a conference. At lunch, my wife and I sat with several people we didn't know. While most of our tablemates made good impressions, one man emerged as the person we'd be sure to avoid all weekend. He talked about himself, nonstop. Only rarely did anyone else get a chance to speak. Unfortunately, he probably thought he was captivating us with his life story. I applaud this definition of a bore: "Somebody who talks about himself so much that you don't get to talk about yourself." Closely related: You'll make a superb initial impression when you demonstrate good listening skills. Give positive verbal cues: "Hmmm... interesting!" "Tell me more, please." "What did you do next?" Just as actors benefit from prompts, your conversational partner will welcome your assistance in keeping the exchange going. Nonverbally, you show you're a skilled listener by maintaining steady eye contact. Remember how you respond to the social gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the next person he wants to corner. Remember, and avoid that habit. Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. "Judy, I like that suggestion." "Your vacation must have been exciting, Fred." You show that you have paid attention from the start, catching the name during the introduction. Equally as important, you'll make conversations more personal by including the listener's name several times. Be careful with humor. Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don't know a stranger's sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can't overcome, either now or later. Follow Dr. Wayne Dyer's advice, offered in his wonderful book "Real Magic," by "giving up the need to be right." Confrontations with somebody you've just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another's statements. Appearance counts. Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me for lunch. I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a sport coat and tie. When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the message he conveyed was: "Bill, meeting you is a rather ordinary experience, and doesn't call for me to present a business-like appearance." Not surprisingly, that was the last time I met with him.
  16. 16. True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a seminar I conducted. She said, "I don't dress for the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have." As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an individual's speaking style impacts the first impression, maybe more than we wish. Listeners judge our intelligence, our cultural level, our education, even our leadership ability by the words we select--and by how we say them. Think of Professor Henry Higgins of "My Fair Lady," who changed a "guttersnipe" into a lady by teaching her to speak skillfully. While none of us occupies the lowly level of Eliza Doolittle, we can keep her example in mind. Rather than mumble, speak so you're easily heard. Enunciate clearly. Alter your pitch, to avoid the dullness of a monotone. Display animation in both voice and facial expression. Gesture naturally, without "canning" your movements. Keep these seven tips in mind. They will reduce your fear of business and social encounters with unfamiliar faces. More positively, you'll start enjoying poise and success that you thought were beyond your reach.