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Braindead<br />a screenplay by<br />Daniel McDermott<br />March 11, 2009<br />1. INT. HOUSE – MORNING<br />There is a woman getting ready to go to work in her bathroom. She is putting make up on in the mirror looking at herself with her back turned to the door. Then a zombie-like character comes through the hall making moaning noises and stomping his feet. Tension is built through varying shots to make the zombie seem evil. [Zoom in on Zombie’s back while tracking back while walking towards the bathroom so we see the hallway.]The zombie approaches the woman and the woman turns around to see him.puts his arms around her waist. Wife is startled at first, but then realizes that it is her zombie husband joking around with her.<br />WIFE<br />God, why do you always make those stupid noises? It’s really starting to annoy me.Why do you always make those stupid noises?<br />PHIL<br />Sorry hun, I just didn’t really get much sleep last nightI’m just tired. You should lay off, you were making the same noises last night.<br />WIFE<br />Alright, go ahead and take your shower and I’ll start making you some breakfast.Didn’t sleep well again? I’ll go make some breakfast.<br />2. INT. SAME HOUSE, BUT NOW IN THE KITCHEN – MORNING<br />PHIL sits down to the table where he has a placemat and coffee waiting for him. There is no food or plate or maybe there is a box of cereal on the table, “Raisin Brain”, that might be a little too goofy though., just the cup and silverware. PHIL grabs the remote and turns on the TV to view the local news.<br />NEWS ANCHOR<br />And in today’s news, more reports of zombies attacking humans. Tina is out in the field with the story.Reports have shown that every 1 in 3 car accidents are caused by unforeseeable zombies roaming the streets. We are going to Tina with more.<br />TINA<br />Thanks Ron. This begs the question, why do zombies really actually cross the street? I’m here at the local university asking zombie students why they believe there is a large number of zombie related car accidentshow they reacted to the news. You sir, what do you think about the supposed correlation of zombies and divorce rates?why do you think all these zombies are being hit by oncoming vehicles?<br />COLLEGE ZOMBIE<br />I don’t give a ****. I’ll eat all yalls brains. I don’t give a ****.<br />PHIL uses the remote to turn off the TV and begins to talk to WIFE.<br />PHIL<br />Why don’t they ever show good zombies?—the ones that work nine to five jobs and pay their taxes and house payments.<br />WIFE<br />And put food on their family’s table. Well, honey, I know zombies can be sweet. And I have the best zombie in the world as my husband who is going to get that promotion too!<br />PHIL<br />When’s the last time anyone has ever even heard of a zombie killing someone and eating their brains? That only happens in the movies.<br />WIFE<br />I know, I’m sorry. But look, here’s your breakfast. I made you eggs, but I ran out of brains, so…<br />PHIL<br />Funny. Real Funny. Forget it, I’m not even hungry anymore.<br />PHIL gets up to leave.<br />WIFE<br />Bye.<br />(PHIL ignores)<br />3. INT. OFFICE SPACE – DAY<br />Just a normal small office. There is a general lobby area and an area with multiple computers. <br />Montage Sequence set to “A Well Respected Man” – The Kinks<br />The normal people are working at their computers. They are all sitting there slightly hunched over with their eyes gazing intently at the screens, clicking at the mouse a little too hard and without any sense of motor skills. People are walking by with envelopes in a mostly vegetative state. In essence they are more zombie-like than Phil. Maybe there are some of those ridiculous inspirational posters littered about, but that have a zombie slant that can be inferred if not completely explicit. Phil looks at one and it at first reads “Take the Head!” but he blinks his eyes and looks back to see it read “Take the Lead!”. Phil walks over to his desk and starts putting his stuff away. Grabs coffee. Pulls out some files. Starts his computer. As the song and the sequence end Johnny staggers towards him.<br />JOHNNY<br />Hey Phil man, what’s going on bro?<br />PHIL<br />Not much.<br />JOHNNY<br />Oh hey, did you hear about that promotion? Supposedly Mr. Sommers thinks we’re the top two.<br />PHIL<br />Really? Who said that?<br />JOHNNY<br />Just the word going around. <br />MR. SOMMERS walks by to his office, passing by PHIL and JOHNNY from a distance. PHIL and JOHNNY look up as he walks away, MR SOMMERS continues to walk, looking for a second at them but not offering a nod.<br />JOHNNY<br />Hey, may the best ma…best uh… - yeah…entity? – win.<br />PHIL<br />Let’s hope so<br />Two other coworkers – STEVE and LARRY – are hanging out in the lobby area and are laughing as Steve tells a joke.<br />STEVE<br />Your brains!<br />Steve and Larry both laugh but are quickly hushed when PHIL walks towards them.<br />STEVE<br />Oh, hey Phil, what’s going on?<br />PHIL<br />Not much, whatcha guys laughing about?<br />LARRY<br />Oh nothing, Steve had this joke.<br />PHIL<br />Oh, No, gOh, go ahead and continue Steveby all means Steve.<br />STEVE<br />That’s alright, I just finished it.<br />PHIL<br />Oh, yeah? I could use a good laugh.<br />STEVE<br />I don’t know if it’s your kind of joke.<br />Phil gives him a funny look, it is a cross between a conventional zombie and just regular surprise.<br />LARRY<br />I don’t know, it’s pretty dark and edgy. <br />PHIL<br />What? I love that kind of stuff. <br />STEVE and LARRY pause and look at each other for a while until they both eund up shrugging.<br />STEVE<br />Alright, so there are these three peop… guys. Alright. There’s a Chinese man, a Mexican, and a, uh, zombie.<br />PHIL says angrily.<br />Let me guess. Your Brains! Right?<br />STEVE<br />Uh, yeah.<br />PHIL<br />Real mature guys.<br />LARRY<br />Sorry man, didn’t mean anything by it.<br />PHIL<br />You guys just think that…<br />MR SOMMERS walks up in good humor<br />SOMMERS<br />Phil I’m going to need you to change the format on all those old DVM reports you just submitted.<br />PHIL looks slightly broken. But quickly shakes it off and submits to just saying<br />PHIL<br />Sure<br />SOMMERS walks away while the camera shows the three, Steve and Larry are stifling chuckles while Phil looks disappointed<br />LARRY<br />Yeah, we should probably go.<br />Time passes and it is clear that PHIL is working harder than the rest of the employees. It is then time for a lunch break and PHIL, LARRY, and KATHY gather in the lobby and start sharing what they were having for lunch.<br />LARRY takes out his lunch and looks disgusted.<br />Ham?<br />KATHY as she pulls out her store bought sushi<br />You should really stop letting your wife make your lunches.<br />LARRY<br />She doesn’t.<br />Time passes and PHIL still hasn’t pulled out anything as he is distracted trying to do some paperwork. KATHY looks over and has sympathy for the slaving PHIL.<br />KATHY<br />Did you have any lunch today Phil?<br />PHIL comes out of his stressed state to answer KATHY<br />PHIL<br />You’re right on time, BRAINS!<br />KATHY is freaked out and unable to speak<br />PHIL<br />Just playing,I mean, I have leftovers. I probably should get it out of the fridge before someone else takes it.<br />KATHY<br />Oh. Yeah. Good idea. I just need to uh.., use the bathroom.<br />KATHY leaves and LARRY and PHIL are the only ones in the lobby.<br />LARRY<br />Well you better get the promotion. Johnny is like a zombie all day.<br />Camera cuts to Johnny jamming his sandwich into his face at his desk.<br />PHIL<br />Yeah, I’ve wanted it for a while.<br />LARRY<br />If I didn’t get the job, I would be out for blood.…I mean heads would roll…or I’d be upset.<br />PHIL<br />Thanks I get it Larry. I’ve been pretty worried, but thanks for putting things in perspective.<br />LARRY<br />No problem. You are the clear ma…guy for the job.<br />PHIL<br />I should get back to work.<br />(Later in the day)<br />PHIL is back at his desk and more time passes. PHIL casually sees JOHNNY come out of SOMMERS’ office. JOHNNY looks excited and shakes SOMMERS’ hand. SOMMERS gives PHIL and quick look and heads back into his office. <br />SOMMERS’ assistant comes around handing out a memo saying that Johnny was going to be new head of Neuroscience tech sales. Johnny picks it up from the desk and leaves the office and stares at JOHNNY while JOHNNY packs. JOHNNY is clearly not trying to hide his excitement around PHIL. PHIL is angry and slams his fist on his desk.<br />4. INT. LONG HALLWAY IN OFFICE BUILDING – NIGHT<br />SOMMERS is walking down a long hallway. As he is walking the lights go out. He is afraid but continues to walk toward his office. He opens the door and comes face to face with PHIL. PHIL is angry and SOMMERS is frightened. Phil advances towards SOMMERS with a zombie-like walk.<br />SOMMERS<br />Oh, uh hey Phil.<br />SOMMERS<br />Well. YesLook. I had to make a decision between the two of you. I weighed my options and I believe Imy made the right choice.<br />SOMMERS<br />Well I’m not the only one you scared today. Kathy came in to talk to me today about your little episode with her at lunch.<br />SOMMERS<br />Look, I didn’t give you the promotion because I didn’t think you could act like a professional. I mean just look at the episode right now. Turning off all the lights to try to intimidate me?<br />SOMMERS<br />It’s not just me. Kathy came in to talk to me today about your little episode with her at lunch…I don’t think you can handle the position.<br />SOMMERS<br />It is what it is.<br />PHIL hits SOMMERS over the head with a red stapler lying around the office. SOMMERS is knocked unconscious<br />PHIL<br />I don’t give a fuck. I’ll eat all yall’s brains. I don’t give a fuck.<br />Scene goes black as PHIL goes in with an open mouth. Scene comes back in to see PHIL stuffing brains in his face. Cut to music and scrolling credits.<br />http://www.archive.org/details/lcd035<br />